So much goes on that I cannot say so here is…

Everything I cannot say.

[alloftheunsaid]

Entry 07.20.26

I am my worst toxic trait.

I know that I no longer feel anything for this guy. Let's call him Dale. I know Dale will never make me truly happy. He can't give me the love I deserve because he is insanely selfish. I miss him though and the way he was when we were happy and right as I am starting to get over him I look back at the way things were and don't let myself be happy without him. The thing is I am sure he's annoyed with me already so I should let him go but I don't know why I can't. Then there's Kale, he ghosts me every time he makes plans to see me but I stay there hoping he comes back one day and realizes he loves me. I am my worst toxic trait. I think I have always loved these men and their attention more than I have loved myself and that realization on it's own is terrible. I don't think any of them have ever made me actually orgasm so either I am broken in some way or I simply sleep with them becuase I like hearing the praise as they satisify themselves. I studied psychology and nothing in the books can tell me what's wrong with me. I might 5150 myself soon if this keeps up. Not to say I have not come close (ha get it) I have but I can't seem to finish. It feels good and like I said terrible praise kink but none have done it. I've debated maybe being gay but I've watched all girl porn and it does nothing for me. I am a lost sexless cause. With no orgasm, simply a vessel for men to cum in (i say with only 2 bodies). I think I've overshared a little but whatever man no one reads this and I plan on journaling so much more. I have a sex bucket list of different kinks to try maybe I just need to find the kink that helpes me finish. I have the rest of the year, 1 friends with benefits situation with someone who matches my freak, an entire sex list of must try items, and amazon account so far from my family it might as well belong to someone else. This might be the summer Cordelia (that'll be my name) finds her orgasmic moment. I beg at least one, pleaseeeee!!!

[pnglove]

[missinyouiskillingme]

Sometimes all you can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.

— William C. Hannan

[putaind3merde]

[self-development-infographics]

[originalromanticsir]

When you found that person; you both know.

[wordx]

[alloftheunsaid]

My First Heartbreak

I have never been big on dating. I have never done it or fallen for someone in that lost in love kind of way until this year. I met someone who does some of the things that I considered love but I realize it is much more than what he does. I know I am deserving of a loud love and sadly his was just too quiet. I am not saying he woud not show me off, I dont care much about that. I meant quiet in the way he would whisper promises that I would accept. Words are whispers, actions are loud. He would say that he would always be there for me and I waited for the times that he said he would but he wasn't. Everything he said started feeling empty and one day at 3 am I realized I had to let go. Realizing that he wasnt my forever even if I truly wanted him to. It hurt but I think it hurt more to think about having to live with uncertainty forever.

I know I need to let him go, but I can't, and that might suck even more because I always said that if I knew I was not given the love I deserve, I would leave, but I can't. Not yet...

[alloftheunsaid]

Diary of A Confused Twenty-Something

Jun 1, 2025

I am starting this right now because I feel like it will help me. I don't want to be Carrie Bradshaw or anything and I doubt anyone will see this but I like that at least one person gossipy enough will read this and just sort of perhaps be entertained. So let's start. None of the names here will be real, the stories will though. I don't want anyone to know who is writing but I do want to write. Just for fun and mostly for me, to look back on when I turn 30. What were my thoughts, what fooled me, who played me. So here I am, 24, and afraid of living. I am 6 months into 2025 and have finally decided that I need to live life, I need to experience it to the fullest, I know it's hallmark-y but I want to be happy. I want to experience everything positive that life brings me. I am starting so many things today and I know it's basic, the first of the month but it is a bit cathartic. A whole new month to be a different person by the end of it. So thank you future me for getting through this and still being amazing, this is just the intro. I have so much to share with you so hold on girl because it gets confusing. Love you baby, byeee

[alloftheunsaid]

To You

I don't like the way I am acting right now. I keep pushing you away, and I am sorry. I'm scared to feel the way that I do. I don't want to. I have not felt like this in some time and I don't know what it means. I am sorry I am making you feel as if your feelings dont matter. i am sorry if you think youre dumb becase youre not and i am sorry i tried to make you jealous on purpose. at the end of the day i dont know how to handle the emotion, i am childish, i thought i had matured but turns out i did not. i sit here and am slighjtly mad at myself i am sad and i dont know why, i miss you and wan to talk to you but i understand if you are done becasue all i did was push you away. all did was reject you time and time again but its becase i was scared and if you are done now its okay, you said you would tell me so please do becuase i started to care about you too late and i wish i hadnt and i think i do like you like more than i care to admit but i dont want to admit that to myself becuase that means exposing my feelings to somepne and i cant. i care about you and im sorry im pushing you away, i am sorry you are tired or feel bad, i am sorry if i did something wrong, i wish i had not. but thank you for allowing me to feel loved in ways that i have not before. even if it was for a small amount of time. thank you for allowing me to feel cared for and thanks for showing me what it is like to love with respect even if you didnt actually know me, you blindly cared for me, and i am grateful for that you showed me what it was supposed to be like and i told you time and time again you were most likely lying, thank you for the patience you showed when in was so confusing and rude. thanks and i think in another life time i could have really loved you, and i hope in one of the multiverses i got to feel what it was like to be loved by you because i just know it would have been amazing. thanks.

[lunamonchtuna]

— Sylvia Plath, quoting an acquaintance in ‘The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath’

[flowerais-deactivated20211031]

you’re not alone in the universe. at the very least, you have libraries, flowers, strawberries, poetry, stars, and the moon.

[deloveusion]

the intimacy of “how did you know that?” “because i know you”

[wedarkacademia]

Andrea Gibson

support me on Ko-fi

[thevoyaging]

Ivy House,  Greenwich, Connecticut

photo via melissa

[alloftheunsaid]

Journal Entry #1 | 07 Aug 2024

I feel like up until now I have been so confused about what I wanted to do with my life but I feel like I finally know. I know what I want to do. Maybe I am not in the right track to get there yet but I will be and it will all be amazing and life will look up. I will do whatever it takes for me to get there. I know what I have to do to get where I need to be. I just need to actually push myself to do it and I will because I am so excited to meet my goal and be where I need to be. I have to there is no more room for errors like the ones that I made recently.

[alloftheunsaid]

25 May 4:25 am

I have sat here and typed and retyped but nothing comes out that can express the feeling, the only way I can think of is asking the question... When will it pass?

When will I stop picking up the phone to call you only to remember that where you are you cannot receive calls? When will I be excited and not have the instant thought to share it with you knowing that I can't? When will I be able to go to sleep without wishing I did so knowing you were one of the people I spoke to in my day? When does it end? When does this loop end? I am tired. Please stop this feeling because it hurts too much.

[vanish]

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