Dallas headed to his locker and tossed his books in before grabbing his Ice Hounds jacket and walking to the commons. The roster for the OHL superseries had just been released and he had spent his lunch hour talking to reporters. Yes, he was happy that he made it. Yes, he was proud to be invited to the Team Canada camp. Yet, he found it hard to smile. His legs burned and ached from the hours of weights he put in yesterday, pushing himself to the very edge of abilities.
Vanessa didn't know what to expect when Dallas had messaged her. Their conversation didn't come to any resolve yesterday and she figured it had to be about that, but in any way, it wasn't something she thought she was ready for. Vanessa took her time leaving Geometry, dragging her feet to put all her belongings in her locker then calling her sitter to keep Rocky longer than usual. Vanessa sat outside the commons area, scrolling through her phone as she waited for Dallas to join her.
Dallas spotted Vanessa and came up behind her, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. "Hey." He said softly, walking around her. "We can make it quick and I can drop you off to pick up Rocky." He said with a shrug. "I can give you the carseat from my car." Waiting for her, he nodded slightly towards the exit. "Do you want to talk in private?"
Vanessa "Hey," Vanessa spoke softly. She stood up, gathering her things on her shoulder. "No that's fine. I've got the metro card today," she answered. Without another word, Vanessa walked towards the exit wanting to get away from the crowd of people that were exiting the school along with them. Vanessa settled in one of the benches in the courtyard, not really looking in Dallas' or any direction, just the space between them. "How was practice this morning?" she asked to fill the silence.
Dallas nodded and followed Vanessa out towards the courtyard. Sitting on the bench, Dallas stared at his hands until Vanessa spoke. "It was good. I'm supposed to take it easy." He shrugged and gave her a shy smile. "But sometimes it's easier said than done." Sighing, he ran his hands over his hair. "I'm glad you're done better." He said honestly. "I really am." Falling into silence he looked over at Vanessa. "Where are we?" He asked softly.
Vanessa raised an eyebrow," What do you mean to take it easy?" She tried matching his smile, but it felt a little weird to be sitting across from him since their last conversation. What was she supposed to say? "Uh, yeah me too. It's been a tough couple of weeks," Vanessa answered. She immediately looked up to him at his next question. The silence only seemed to grow between them as she thought over her answer. "From what you said yesterday it seems like nothing..."
Dallas "Not get injured before the All-Star game...or the Team Canada tryouts. Coach said that I could take a few days off if I wanted...but I don't wanna let the guys down." Dallas said with a shrug. "It has been a rough couple of weeks." He agreed softly. Meeting her gaze, he put his thumbnail into his mouth, a terrible habit he thought he broke years ago. "It's pretty hard to make a clean break after what we had...or I thought we had." He mumbled softly.
Vanessa nodded understandingly, "Maybe try not going so hard in the gym? This might be your only shot at showing them what you can do." Her head bowed a bit, her mind drifting to her mother, but her quickly shaking her head trying not to think about it too much. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say," Vanessa began. "Do you wanna have a... break?"
Dallas shrugged. "Again, easier said than done. Working out is my stress relief." He said quietly. Raking his fingers through his hair, he glanced over at Vanessa. "We aren't dating, so it's pretty hard to take a break." Dallas said softly. "And no, I don't want to take a break from Rock. Parents don't get breaks." He sighed heavily. "I just wish that things could go back to the way they were before. When we were both happy."
Vanessa against her better judgment she asked," What's got you so stressed?" She fidgeted with her hands in her lap waiting for the worst to drop. It felt like all the same emotions when Dallas has left her the first time. They weren't even together, why was she so worried? "And I don't want Rocky growing up thinking his family is broken," she added. Vanessa's eyes gazed down for a brief moment, before looking back at Dallas. "Honestly, I haven't been happy in such a long time outside of Rocky. I don't even remember how we used to be,"
Dallas looked up at Vanessa and arched his eyebrows. "Knowing that the mother of my child doesn't trust me with him and decides to break in and steal him from under my nose." He said stiffly. "I just should turn down the Team Canada Camp. The tournament is over the Christmas break, I'd be better off...not going." He wanted to say 'with you guys' but he bit his lip. "We are broken." He said simply. "And I tried my God damn hardest to put us back together Vanessa, but it was just a game to you." He said quietly. "I want Rocky to have a family."
Vanessa "I never said I don't trust you with him! You wouldn't let me see him without you being there or without some other supervisor like I didn't raise him his entire life. If I didn't trust you, Rocky would have been with me at the safehouse, but no. I put him with you because I had things I needed to deal with and I knew he'd be safe with his father. You weren't returning any of my calls after the custody talk so I took matters into my own hands," Vanessa explained. Before she could say anything else, all she could do was shake her head at Dallas. "You're not turning it down," she spoke bluntly. "I'm not letting give up your dream because things are tough right now." She wanted to try and console him, but his words were only hitting her deeper and deeper the more he spoke. "A game? You've got to be kidding me. I wanted to try with us, Mike, but when I was at my lowest you let me leave. You took my son from me and made it all my fault that that happened. If you want Rocky to have a family, you've got to start acting like you want me to be a part of it."
Dallas turned to her, his fingers biting into his jeans. "He was safe with me...and when you first came to me...he wasn't safe with you." Rolling his eyes, he shook his head slightly. "You don't really have a say in if I go or not, Vanessa. And there's still the camp and I probably won't make it anyway." He chewed on the inside of his cheek and he frowned. "Because you wouldn't listen to me. I gave you space. And before that? I did everything in my power to show you how much I cared for you and Rocky...and that still wasn't good enough." He brought his hands to his head and rubbed his scalp roughly. "Of course I want Rocky to have a family. I'm not sure how much more I can do to show you that."
Vanessa "My son is always safe with me," Vanessa countered. She wasn't going to let Dallas talk down to her or make her feel like a bad parent. She did everything in her power to make sure Rocky had a good life, and she was going to continue to do that. "You're right I don't, but you've been working towards this your whole life and you're just gonna throw it away? You missed the first two years of your son's life in order to be something for him and you're just gonna quit? Fine, do what you want Mike, but the man I fell in love with... the man who fathered my child wouldn't want his son to think of him as a quitter." Vanessa stood up after her sentiment, raking her hands roughly through her hair. "I've known for a long time that I'm never going to be able to have a white picketed fence family for Rocky, I've come to terms with that, maybe it's time you did too. I want to try and make things work but every time I do something it's wrong so why try anymore?"
Dallas exhaled softly. "You won't hate me if I have to leave again? When I have to leave? I mean, I will have to leave, the camp is in Calgary and the tournament this year is in Quebec..." He sighed. "We can give Rocky a white picket fence. Hell, if I make something of myself you and Rocky will have whatever you want." He looked at Vanessa and turned his body so she was facing him. "Do you still love me?"
Vanessa "I will hate you if you don't try," Vanessa finally settled. She knew better than to tell Dallas to stay for the family to even attempt to rationalize what he was saying. She had to keep his dream alive even if she was the only one who believed in him. A small smile crossed her face listening to Dallas speak, but she knew that happiness would be short-lived. "I will always love you," Vanessa spoke slowly. Her mind flickered back to their conversation about Vanessa choosing him or her family, and her answer remained the same. "But I can't be who you want me to be. I'm not that girl anymore."
Dallas nodded. "Alright." He said quietly. Sighing, he looked at her and gently reached for her hand. "So you can never love me?" He asked softly. "I'm not sure what else I can do to prove that I still love you and I'm still IN love with you. I want to provide for you and Rocky and you know that I can and I will."
Vanessa 's head dropped hearing his response, "I didn't say that." Her eyes stayed gazing at their hands together, she couldn't dare look him in the eyes. "I know you are... And I know you care and are going to provide for Rocky. You're going to be a great father for him once you get drafted." She paused, trying to find a way to gather her words. "I won't chose you over my family, Dallas," she ended.
Dallas bit down on his lip so hard he tasted blood. "The gang." He said finally. Shaking his had, he rubbed his eyes. "Okay." He said stiffly, pulling his hand away. "Answer understood."
Vanessa could feel his hand being snatched away by her answer. It was only a matter of time before he drew away from her again. "Would you rather I lie to you and say I'm out?" She grabbed back onto his hand, trying to get him to focus back on her. "When I say family, I do mean my family; the gang unfortunately just means they're included in that too. I've already seen too much, know too much... If I try to get out like you did, there's a target on not only my back but Rocky's too. My dad's connections are what keep our son safe."
Dallas felt his pulse start to race and he put his hands back on his knees. "You can get out." He said simply. "When I get drafted, we can leave Toronto and you'd be safe." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and noticed blood. "But if that's what you want, then okay. I won't force you. You know I'd never do that." He sighed and pulled his body away looking away. "But I can't live my life hoping that one day you'll turn around and love me again."
Vanessa "I do love you, you idiot! That's why I can't let you quit hockey or give up your dreams for the Pros. If I didn't care about you, I'd drag you back to our block, have you quit, and get some boring 9-5 job to provide for our family, but I'm /not/ doing that. I love you enough to know that I can't be with you because I might ruin what you have going for you," Vanessa explained. She moved closer, noticing the blood on his hand. "Mike..." her voice trailed. "I need you to understand that I'm doing what I need to so you can live your dream. It's what I've been doing. If I have to scrub the Hollingsworth's floors and run initiation for the rest of my life, I will do that if that can ensure you and Rocky a good future."
Dallas slid away and shook his head. "It's not your job Vanessa. You did your job for two years when I was in Guelph. Now it's my job." He said seriously. Tears welling up in his eyes, he bit down again blood gathering in his mouth. "You won't be scrubbing anyone's floors. Just say the word and when I get drafted, we're gone. But I need to know that it's what you want...that you want to be with me." He was shaking as he dabbed at the blood leaking from the corner of his mouth.
Vanessa "It's been my job since I met you and it'll be my job as long as Rocky and I are both breathing," Vanessa retorted. Even though he was moving away from her, Vaness kept near him, gently wiping the lone tear that was beginning to form in his eyes. "Please don't cry... Mike, I don't mind having to do that. If it means you get to live your dream, then that's fine by me. I want what's best for you and staying back here for me and Rock aren't what's best." Her eyes were stuck on the blood-forming around his mouth. "Like I said, I'm not that girl you want anymore."
Dallas: "But you shouldn't have to. I don't care if you don't mind." He quickly wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth. "You'll always be the girl that I want." He muttered softly. Dallas blinked a few times and exhaled softly. "It's not your job." He said seriously. "It's mine now. I don't care if you don't want me, I don't care if we'll never be together, but I still love you and I love our son."
Dallas "But you shouldn't have to. I don't care if you don't mind." He quickly wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth. "You'll always be the girl that I want." He muttered softly. Dallas blinked a few times and exhaled softly. "It's not your job." He said seriously. "It's mine now. I don't care if you don't want me, I don't care if we'll never be together, but I still love you and I love our son."
Vanessa "Your job is to take care of business. Focus on hockey; that's it," Vanessa countered. She wasn't going to argue with Dallas about it anymore. She wasn't going to let him take on more pressure than he already had to deal with. "Trust me, I'm not," she said lowly. "I would love nothing more than to be with you and have a perfect family, but I can't... not now. When you're drafted and we have the means to move away from this place and never look back," she paused, grabbing back onto his hand. "When you're drafted, Rocky, you, and I are going to go so far away from here we won't have to worry about anyone or anything else here."
Dallas cocked his head to the side and pursed his lips. He reached out for her and cupped her cheek softly, pulled her in for a soft kiss. "You are." He replied. "And we can, if we try." He dropped his hand and ran his hand over his face. "You better not make promises you can't keep." He said softly. "Because we will leave and never look back."
Vanessa felt a sense of softness washing over her as Dallas brought her in," You deserve better than me." She returned the kiss, letting it linger for a moment before fully pulling away. "I promise you, Mike, one day you'll be able to give me and my son the world and all I'll truly want is your last name."
Dallas laughed softly. "No. You deserve better than me." He softly brushed his lips over hers. "Right now it might not be the world, but let me try, okay?" He asked softly. He feared that she would find someone else, or, so would he.
Vanessa: Did I say it was your fault? No. You think I don't know that? I don't have the option to just 'get out' like you did. My mom is gone and my father is all I have. Whether I'm in or not Rocky will be in danger, probably more if I leave because my father can't protect him or me anymore.
Vanessa: So when you left Rocky it's fine and you get welcomed back with open arms, but when I left him with /you/ then I'm the bad guy? Sounds fair.
Vanessa: Why?
Dallas: I left to be able to improve your life and Rocky's. You left to fuck around.
Dallas: I'm mad at myself letting me think that we were actually in love.
Vanessa: I wouldn't have had to break in if your mom didn't take my key. Rocky wasn't in the room where any of that happened. You're acting like I knew that was going to happen! Why are you trying to punish me?
Vanessa: You have some nerve.
Dallas: Don't. This is not my fault. Why do you think I got out, V? I got out because SHIT LIKE THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS.
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