[allthingsclaptrap]

Exhibit A: 2019

[allthingsclaptrap]

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[allthingsclaptrap]

You almost forgot it's Christmas

With the overwhelming demand from school and work, you almost forgot it's Christmas. Maybe it slipped your mind or maybe it just doesn't feel like Christmas anymore.

You remembered how Christmas was celebrated few years back. It was the only thing you look forward. The only time you get to hug your family, to eat with them, have fun and receive gifts from your loved ones.

A breather.

A break.

And now it just doesn't feel like it anymore. Suddenly, there were no fireworks, no christmas lights and decorations in your home. No family to hug, no noche buena and no gifts.

You almost forgot it's Christmas not because it slipped your mind, not because it doesn't feel like it anymore. It's because you were celebrating it for the wrong reason.

Christmas isn't about the gifts and the foods. It's not even about family. It's about Jesus, the reason for this season.

You don't have a gift? Jesus was the greatest gift you have ever received. He died on the cross so you will have  freedom!

You don't have a family? Jesus loves you so much he gave up His life for you!

Celebration may change, time may be different and feelings may vary but Jesus is the same. He has always been the reason.

Merry Christmas!

[allthingsclaptrap]

To my friend,

Yesterday, an earthquake shook our country. Maybe you were aware of it but maybe you aren't. Why am I telling this? Because I know you are battling an earthquake in your heart right now.

I know it's shaking everything you are right now.

I know it's been bothering you.

I know it's been trying to break you.

I know it's consuming you.

I know, I know it's tough.

But I have a good news! I know someone who's tougher! I know someone who's stronger! I know someone who's greater! Do you know him too? Of course, you do. He is in you.

My friend, you can't do it alone and it's okay. Just give it to Him.

Don't forget to lean on the Divine Warrior and remember that He is in your side.

I pray for a heart to fight your battles.....

x Always

[allthingsclaptrap]

"Hindi ka dapat maging kaibigan."

"Hindi ka dapat maging kaibigan."

"Hindi yung nakikipagplastikan ka."

I received this message at around 12:30am on January 1, 2019 but I really didn't have the courage to read so I just saw it now.

I'm not gonna lie, it hurts so much. My heart broke at the moment I read those words from someone I barely know.

If there's one thing I learned on how to handle problems like such is that, instead of asking God, "Lord, why me?" I asked, "Lord, what are you trying to teach me?"

"I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?     What can mere mortals do to me?"

Psalms 56 :11

My relationship with a very good friend of mine is at stake, but I trust in the Lord. What can the words of someone do to me? Will it crush me? No!

"In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall."

Psalms 18 :29

I am so much more than the words thrown at me and I am better than the person he is accusing me of.

It's hard to just throw these words away and not let it have an effect to me but that is exactly what I need to do.

I am praying for you, so much. You need it.

[allthingsclaptrap]

Exhibit B. 2018.

[allthingsclaptrap]

Exhibit A. 2018.

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You weren't the right person for me because you were the right person for somebody else.

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I can't take this anymore

I can't take this anymore. Here i am, reminiscing the good times. I opened our book and my heart broke. We were all happy and contented just with the presence of each other, then. How come we can't stand each other now? We withstanded every obstacles and trials, then. How come this challenge is breaking us? We fought everything, together, then? How come we are fighting now? We never wanted to stop this relationship. How did we end up here? I hope this is the climax of our story. So i have reassurance that we will get pass this, So i won't have to stay up all night thinking what i am gonna do to make it better, So i won't have to blame myself for everything, So my heart wouldn't be broken anymore. Please, mend me. I can't take this anymore.

[allthingsclaptrap]

Hi, Hawking

I am writing this while listening to the song of a band we both love. I am not gonna lie, I am hoping that aside from the mere reality that we are looking at the same stars every night, we are also sharing the same music at the moment.

It was never my intention to have this much adoration for you.

Maybe it was because of the way you talk? Gosh, if I could only turn back time and have the chance to record your voice while mentioning the name of my college (that I wish was my name) on the stage, I would freaking do it.

Maybe because you simply, write. You have a very extensive vocabulary and you use words in such a way that someone might fell head over heels for you. You put colors into letters that make it turn into something wonderful. Why the heck are you capable of doing such?

Maybe because you wear glasses. I don’t know, you just look extra cute. Please, stop.

Maybe because you like Star Wars? Hey! We can be Anakin and Padmé if you want but i’d rather we become Han and Chewie first, “If you come with me, you’re in this life for good.”

I really admire you but I know that your girlfriend does also. That’s the only thing I don’t like about you (of course, aside from not responding to my friend request), you have someone to share the music, the words, the movies and the rest with. It sucks but it’s okay.

Oh, the Mayday Parade song has already ended. I hope it’s that easy to stop my feelings for you, too.

[allthingsclaptrap]

Left over

Kumain tayo Niyaya mo ako Di ako makatanggi kasi sabi mo “Tara, libre ko.” Nalungkot ako nung kumain tayo kasi akala ko pagkain yung nilulunok ko, pride ko na pala.  Pero tinuloy ko pa rin kasi sayang naman, libre mo yun at mahal kita.  Tiningnan kita kasi ang saya mo, di mo na man lang nakita na nahihirapan na ako. Ang hirap kaya nguyain ng pride.  Sarap na sarap ka sa inorder mo tapos na-realized ko na ganyan ka pala magmahal.  Akala ko ako yung main course na sinagot mo ng “Of course!” nung tinatanong ka kung “Willing to wait, sir?”.  Ako pala yung side dish na bukod sa pandalian lang, pinagtitiyagan mo lang kasi wala kang choice.  Tapos ka na kumain, satisfied na satisfied ka.  Hindi pala ako side dish, ako pala yung bata sa labas ng Mcdo, nakatitig habang kumakain ka, nagaantay na mapansin, naghihintay sa ibibigay mo.  Teka, bakit aalis ka na agad? Hindi pa ubos yung pagkain. Lumapit ka sa akin at inabot mo yung tira mo. Wala akong karapatan kasi buti nga binigyan mo ako, buti nakita mo ako, buti napansin mo ako. Hindi ako nanlimos ng pagmamahal mo pero tira tira yung binigay mo. Thank you pero ayaw ko ng left over.

[allthingsclaptrap]

EYE LOVE YOU

The eyes are the windows to our soul.

I am a strong person. I could handle anything. I’m capable of accomplishing everything. But, who am I kidding? I know all of those are lies.

I saw you. You asked me how I am doing. I told you “I’m getting through every day”. You smiled a sad one because you knew I was lying and that in reality, I’m on the verge of breaking down. I let out a tear in response to the smile you gave me. You understood it wasn’t just a tear, it’s the disappointments, expectations, failures and pressures, the thousand words I cannot bring myself to tell and the tangled feelings I cannot express. Then, you hugged me. But I didn’t just get a hug, i also received protection, assurance and love. You gave me exactly what I needed. All along i thought i saw you but no, i was wrong. I saw my lifeline.

The eyes are the windows to our soul and you didn’t see me, you looked through me.

Illustration: (S.Agustin)

[allthingsclaptrap]

her

i saw the way you looked at her.  your eyes were glowing, it was smiling. she was everything for you. and i knew right in that moment, she was what you wanted. 

i heard the way you talked to her. it was as if you never wanted to disappoint her. you filled her with words that matches your actions, full of love and adoration. she was your gem, so fragile, you don't want to get broken. 

you treated her like a queen. i saw you stood with her in every battles she's faced with. you did everything to protect her. you were her king.

it's two a.m and i'm out here asking myself, thinking why you never saw, talked and treated me that way.

i loved you. wasn't that enough for you to love me back? maybe that's the reason. you love her as much as i loved you.  you never saw, talked and treated me that way because you never loved me.  you loved her so much................... 

[allthingsclaptrap]

Choose people that chooses you, more than anyone.

[allthingsclaptrap]

FITYMI

Fake it 'till you make it That's what they say for it to beat But, until when till I fake it? I know I won't make it.

Second, Minute, Hour, Day  And I'm still not okay Should I wait till the sky's grey? Or should I accept that it's a fail.

And then you rescued me When I'm drowning in the sea When my feelings sting like a bee You fought with me

I struggled. You stayed. I repulsed. You still stayed.

Babe, I'm sorry I have to end this All the time we felt bliss Not because you don't deserve me But because I don't deserve thee

If you ask me if I am still breathing? Yes, it is still beating. No, stop cheating. Stop faking. 

 I'm barely making it.......

[allthingsclaptrap]

He died at the cross for me. Don't tell me I'm worth nothing.

Self

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Kiribits

My friends, 

I am overwhelmed. I cannot truly describe what I am feeling. 

First things first, thank you all. For what? For everything. You all made everything easier, bearable, funnier and a lot less difficult.  You all completed the life I wanted to have.

Next, I am sorry. For what? For the times I cannot be the kind of friend you all deserve. For the times I failed all of you. For the times I couldn't give back all the love, sacrifices and happiness you showered to me.

Oneza, we've been friends since grade school. Thank you for being always there when I needed to vent out and wanted advises in any aspects but more in love. Thank you for always telling me the words I needed and wanted to hear always. You have helped me in my decisions in life and I am grateful.

Peachy, we've known each other for six years now. Thank you for always giving me anything without hesitations, may it be a handkerchief, a notebook or ballpen, or love and guidance. You are the kindest person I know. Please continue to be person that you are, I need that.

Trishia, my role model. You are the smartest person i know. Thank you for never having second thoughts in helping me. I admire you're personality, that is something that other people cannot steal from you. I hope you know that you have helped me become a better version of myself.

Rowena, you are the wittiest person i know. Thank you for the smiles you have plastered in my face. I am sorry you're scared of me most of time. To be honest, it's because of the fact that you're going to leave. I cannot imagine going to school without your presence in the classroom. Please, stay.

Glyzel, the prettiest girl i know. Thank you for the late night talks about our crushes that you have shared with me. You have a pretty face and a very beautiful mind, I hope you know that.

Reyma, you love unconditionally. Thank you for entering my life and always laughing at my jokes. I wish you continue to love us all the time and to give the best kind of love to yourself because you deserve it more than anyone.

Nimfa, my ate. Thank you for being the older sister i never had. Ever since we met, you have always guided me into how i should take things. You were always the planner in the group, our trips wouldn't have been possible if not for you. Please don't leave too.

Stephen, the one and only prince in the group. Thank you for driving us always but most importantly, thank you for being there for me even if I don't ask for it. Thank you for sending jokes, memes, and anything to start a conversation that I needed sometimes. You will always have a place in my heart. 

Leslie and Jewelle, sometimes you are with us, sometimes you aren't but both of you completed the circle of friends that I have. Without both of you, our friendships wouldn't have been this strong. You are both an answered prayer that i am very blessed to have.

My friends,

In disneyland or just in the classroom

In a resort or just in the house

I wouldn't mind

What matters to me is all the laughter we have shared The battles we have fought and won together The tests of friendship we have conquered 

This is the kind of relationship I pray for every night  This is something I wouldn't trade for anything else. 

I love all of you will all the love I could ever give.