Rambling thoughts from the edge of a cliff

I've lost what mastered most to me and made everything worse when I couldn't handle the fall out from my own behavior now all t b ats left are my empty words that she'll never believe

[alonetodie]

I'm a POS that's just meant to be alone. Love isn't meant for me so I will avoid relationships, kill any feelings, and I only want fuck buddies.

[alonetodie]

I've been unwanted, unloved, rejected, tossed aside, and turned away from my entire life and the one person I counted on to be the difference was no different. I told you to make that promise. You were the one person that I thought was real, would stay and wouldn't get rid of me and leave like everyone else. Ever since YOU used my biggest fear in anger everything was different and I new you would one day leave. I've tried and tried to be better and change for you and do anything it took to deserve your love but now I don't even want it. You don't deserve my love. I'm done feeling like a pathetic little bitch trying to grovel and be something else so you will maybe one day love me again. Fuck you, I don't need to waist anymore time on someone who doesn't have time for me or care to stick around like they said they would. Deny anythi g you want, the fact is that you lied, you know damn well you used the silent trsament, said many times that youd be just fine doing all on your own, that you would almost prefer it, and your greatest weapon that it's over, divorce, you knew exa tlg how to break me and you were good at it. Well fuck you, I do t want or need your love or pity, you fucked up this marriage more than I ever did but you punched the ticket that got you out looking like a princess in an abusive relationship.

[alonetodie]

So greatful to ever really known love once and honored that it was her. Yet the guilt and shame of the many times it crossed my lips, meaningless and empty. Only for gain or fear of being alone had I said the words like they were real, when all along I never really knew what they meant. Then she came along and live changed in an instant. Everything had new meaning, vivid understandings, blues became red, yellows green, dry was now wet. The world as I knew it was just a illusion waiting for her to reveal reality by doing nothing but simply smiling at me. Now it seems all things have turned black as my mental state dwindles and insanity creeps in through the cracks that the fear of losing her made in the foundation of my mind. Is this my justice for all the hearts I lead on with the phony words meant only for her?

[alonetodie]

And in the moments before the ground is out of reach and the snap of the line becomes tough will she be the one on my mind greatful to have once know love if only for a moment to be passed and forgotten by anyone but me

[alonetodie]

Hope was the last great thing I had and in her hands it melted away to wither and due akine

[alonetodie]

Who am I but a fool who loved and died inside when all you did was break me down and using my biggest fears and then leaving when my fear made me sick

[alonetodie]

It's taken some time and hurts so very much but I'm letting go and going to try to move on