REDEEMED

The axe forgets; the tree remembers

[alovescreams]

Breathe

These past few days my life is nothing but a routine. l I knew I needed some break after noticing my how my impatience and unwillingness get the best of me. So today I took some time to be away. To just appreciate music, art, beauty and life. I know deep in my heart I dont want to live life and just exist.

I desire to taste it.

I desire to live every minute of it.

As I was strolling around I have come to conclusion that I can see God everywhere. From the smell of the grass, hymns of the birds, sound of jazz, kids laughter, abstact paintings to the beauty of literature, He is everywhere. His presence is so tangible and I am in just in complete awe of His greatness. How He made and holds it all with its complexity and beauty. How he still keep my heart all together in all its seasons and still choose to love me all the same.

This day is truly remarkable.

[alovescreams]

...

flush drained

sinking

choked

crushed

trampled

[alovescreams]

If I have to live again, I’d find you sooner.

[alovescreams]

One day

One day you’ll wake up and you’re okay.

[alovescreams]

New Day

I woke up feeling better today.

Last night, I’ve decided to forgive everything.

Everything.

All that happened to me for these past few years are a series of just letting things happen and continually choosing what’s not meant for me. I forgive people for not fighting for me, those who accused me and for those who hear me out but didn’t listen.

Then I felt free. Free from my own standards and the universe around me.

Today is a new day. If people leave, they leave. If they stay, then they’re meant to stay.

I just want to honor the One who matters most in my life. I only look at Him and not my present circumstance. He is my refuge and my Waymaker.

Have a happy Sunday!

[alovescreams]

I could

I could really use a week of hangover right now but I need to pass this board exam first.

You’re braver than you think.

[alovescreams]

You

You loved me in silence when I wanted you to scream it in top of your lungs.

[alovescreams]

Never felt this type of sinking.

[alovescreams]

Infatuation is rare, short-lived and illusory - let that console you a little.

[alovescreams]

I feel small but so as the stars from the distance.

[alovescreams]

Twist and Turns

It’s been 2 days since we broke up.

My heart is dead tired but my soul is thriving.

I’ve been trying to occupy myself with things that matter most in life like my relationship with God, my family and my career. I’m trying to workout as much as I can to clear my thoughts but thanks to 17mph wind and 59 F it’s almost impossible to run without shivering.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions right now...

pain

longing

grief

discouragement

loneliness

freedom

peace

disappointment

gratefulness

God, how could I possibly stand in this hurricane of feelings crushing down on me? I just really need you now.

To stand where I cant stand.

To do what only You can do.

[alovescreams]

Today is my rest day.

I give myself the liberty not to talk or even think about Physical Therapy at all. I’m giving my overtrained brain a pause. So I let my clingy friend sleepover my place last night as we watched 90’s movie and made her a good breakfast this morning-the classic wheat toast with avocado, tuna and egg.

[alovescreams]

Plan

We can plan all we want but God’s plan will prevail.

So today my prayer is that He guides me everyday of my life so I don’t waste it by trying to open doors that’s not really for me.

[alovescreams]

Found something pretty today. Organic vegetables and fruits at a local store makes my heart skip a beat.

[alovescreams]

On Dating

You wouldn’t believe me if I say I miss working 9-10 hours on weekdays and 4-5 hours on weekends.

It feels awkward dating myself because I never had the time to for 3 yrs. Well, I run for and hour or so but that’s just it. I never really have time to enjoy my thoughts and emotions.

So today I forced myself to date myself. Sounds really weird huh? I’m a health freak but somewhere inside me is a silent cookie monster. So I ordered a big cookie macadamia (dark chocolate of course) and giant peach tazo tea from Starbucks to be less guilty. Kidding, the truth is it gives me a taste of NYC and everything I’m missing.

10 things I realized after 3 weeks living independently

1. I don’t really want my nails painted.

I always daydream about being able to paint my nails every 2 weeks not knowing that my obsessive compulsive self would always want it to be clean and perfect.

2. I hate waking up late.

I never consider myself to be lazy not until I wake up pass 8 am and feel like life is a waste. That’s because I love mornings so much that wasting 3 hours of my favorite part of the day messes my perspective for the whole day.

3. You’ll always earn peace after you swim.

When my thoughts wage war after a day of just hanging out with books alone, I swim. Thanks to endorphins for keeping me sane.

4. Grocery shopping is my kind of study break.

I find joy in little things now like finding a healthy option in a small grocery store, greeting security guards and just simply being able to go out.

5. Music is a gift from God.

I am very dependent to music nowadays. I can’t workout, cook or sleep without singing a worship song. It’s basically giving me inspiration that I’m not alone and I’m braver than I thought I am.

6. My hair is my number 1 enemy.

I sweep the floor 2-3 times a day because I always see a hair hidden somewhere in the middle of my review.

7. I could live without instagram.

I’ve been more private these days and I find freedom living in reality than in the virtual world.

8. People move on.

I used to have friends everywhere and if I demand time (even if I dont) they’d love to show up. However, 3 years is a long time. They have new priorities and favorite past times that does not include me but hey! That’s okay, people move on and that’s life.

9. I love staying in on Friday and Saturday nights.

I’d choose a pamper session with myself than drinking or clubbing after a whole week of toil anytime.

10. I love New York than I thought.

Please don’t get me wrong. I’ve lived here for 20 years and know every corner in this town but my family lives in NYC. I miss spontaneous mountain hikes, movies anytime, brunch dates, coffee talks, wine night, snowboarding, boxing, road runs, Sundays at hillsong, city bikes, make-up hoarding, Wednesday bible study and midnight laugh with my sisters.

Home is not a place it’s a person.

[alovescreams]

[alovescreams]

What makes you brave? Family. Meet my whys during my early morning mental training and my endless nights of reviews.