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Today, I fucked up... by launching a spider

So I am laying in my bed relaxing after a long day at work when I feel a tickle near my ankle. Being too tired to move, I ignore. That is until I realize this tickle is moving around and down my foot. I sit up and see a decent sized spider scurrying down my foot. Being deathly afraid of our eight-legged friends, the “holy shit there’s a spider on me” feeling kicks in and I flail my leg violently up in the air to get this thing off of me. This is where the story turns from run-of-the-mill spider murder to the stuff of nightmares. It happened to be particularly warm outside on this night and I had the ceiling fan in my room running at high speed. Keep in mind that my bedroom is in a finished attic, so the ceiling is lower than in a normal room. As I catapulted this devil into the air, rolling off the bed in the process, I hear a slight “poof” and look up to see a small darkish cloud. No. No. This can’t be.

It was FUCKING. RAINING. BABY. SPIDERS.

The motherfucker was pregnant and now all of her spider babies were descending down upon my chest, my face, my arms, everywhere. It seemed like there were hundreds. Surprised I didn’t go into shock and die right then and there. Needless to say I scurried outta there and left my house. Maybe for good.

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