Pin post because it's important to me.
I was lying in bed, in that in-between state, when you woke up, but if you fall asleep again, you don't even remember waking up. It's that state when you've just woken up and are desperately trying to fall asleep again.
My dad was walking around me, obviously getting ready for work and trying to talk to me.
“Oh, I'm going to work, I'll be back at 6.” “I'll take your keys, okay?” “Do you want to go somewhere for the weekend?”
But since I was desperately trying to fall asleep, I just kept saying “mhm” to all his questions, and since it was just his habit to say his thoughts out loud, he didn't need my answer. So I just was trying to fall asleep while continuing to listen to him.
And then I woke up.
Because it was just a dream.
Because it has been over a year since he has been missing. Because we still have no idea whether he is dead. And if he is not dead, he is in Russian captivity and being tortured. And any international organizations (I wish the Red Cross with their “Happy Holidays” all the worst) don't even do the bare minimum.
It's like the worst possible time loop. You spent time with a member of your family, noticing their familiar little personal quirks in various mundane situations, of which there were countless in the past, only to wake up.
Only to wake up and know that it wasn't a reality. Just the dream. Just to know that they could be killed. They could be killed by people who simply did not want to leave your homeland alone.
And it repeats over and over, again and again.
(old art for attention)
