Head first into the abyss
July 24, 2020. My last reblog. March 2, 2019 my last written entry. How has it been almost four years? December 6, 2017, the last time we talked about new music. Life was clicking along, new music every three years or so, tours, festivals, and so many photos.
April 1, 2019 My world stopped a year before the rest of the world did, when I was diagnosed with a rare disease that profoundly changed every part of my life. I was bedridden for months while I healed from the worst of it gradually, ever so slowly, and painfully. The following March, while I was still healing, the world stopped for everyone else.
2/11/22 The Dream was released. My health was still a challenge and everything was hard. I couldn’t write because my fingers didn’t work well most days. I had trouble seeing some days. The new album was foreign and wasn’t clicking with me. I couldn’t listen deeply to the music because I lacked the energy to give it the attention it required. And it wasn’t “washing over me” at all. I worried that maybe I just didn’t like this new music at all and it was time to walk away.
March 1, 2022 My first trip out into public (apart from occasional car rides just to confirm that yes, the world still turned) after April 2019 was an alt-J concert. I wasn’t even sure I was going to make it. Although in remission, my energy levels were still dragging. My hair was coming back in, but it was uneven and the bald spots were hard to miss. I had been put on meds that toasted my immune system entirely, so catching anything was a very, very big risk. It was a risk well worth taking. The “band in a box” was an absolute joy. And the live performance of certain cuts of The Dream sparked my interest in a way the album hadn’t.
April 3, 2023 A dear friend died and the loss hit me so very hard. To this day I have waves of grief when I hear the song that was played as his casket was carried. The loss has brought me closer to some friends though, as we try to keep his memory alive by the stories we retell of his humor, kindness, fierce loyalty and love for alt-J.
November 26, 2023 Ten year anniversary concert of An Awesome Wave. It was a smaller venue than normal and a good match for the music. The crowd was much more engaged, and the merch lines snaked around the entire venue. What a triumph! I had finally “hit for the cycle” of albums and my need to write was finally rekindled. What illness and the pandemic had taken from me was starting to come back thanks to the Losers on Facebook and the music.
So, here I am, needing to talk and listen and hear and laugh and compare and share and do all the wonderful life-giving things that I thought had been lost to me. I’m still very challenged physically, but the light is starting to come back on in my mind, the passion is starting to percolate, and my alt-J island on Animal Crossing New Horizons is coming along nicely.
baratheonpilled
snowghoul
vaporwave
gummygunk
kaledo-art
andulkaphoto
