My Brain is a Clusterfuck

Where I shall reblog obsessively over all my fandoms and things that make me giggle. I'll be honest like 50-75% of it is NSFW.

[alien-slushie]

Kidnapper: Bruce Wayne?

Bruce: Yes?

Kidnapper: We have your son.

Bruce: *counting his children, and puts his phone on speaker* Uh what?

Kidnapper: The mean sassy one! He called us all fruitloops, he made fun of my tattoos, and he made Dave cry!

Dave: He made fun of my teeth. Its not my fault I can't afford a dentist! Healthcare is expensive!

Danny: Yeah well it smells like you also can't afford toothpaste either!

Dave: *sobs* Stop!

Kidnapper: Please, just come get him! We don't even want money anymore!

Danny: If you don't give them the money they want, at least bring a tube of toothpaste, maybe some toothbrushes, and some mouth wash if possible!

Dave: Pleeeheese take him away!*sobs harder*

Bruce: I'm sorry(?) to tell you, but thats not my son, all my son's are at the table with me.

Kidnapper: So we went through this for nothing?!

Danny: HA! Morons!

Kidnapper: Stop it! Can you take him anyway? Please, we just want him gone!

Bruce: Can't you just untie him and let him go?

Kidnapper: We did! He just sat back down and continued roasting us! And we can't just leave him here!

Danny: *snorts* Yeah, because this is Travis' mom's storage unit. By the way Travis, your mom was hot when she was in her twenties.

Travis: Shut up! And stop looking through my mom's photo albums!

Danny: Dang, your dad was hot too! How can you have two hot parents and still look like Chuck e Cheese got hit by a thirteen wheeler?

Kidnapper: Please? You don't even have to come yourself, just send Batman. Please?

Bruce: I'll...see what I can do?

Kidnapper: Oh thank you! Thank you so much!

Travis: Is he coming to get him?

Kidnapper: No he's sending Batman!

Dave: I don't care if we get beaten up! Anything is better than being tormented by this guy!

Danny: Cool tell Batman to pick me up some Tacos on his way over.

Kidnapper: *hangs up*

Bruce: Tell me I'm not the only one that heard all that.

Steph: *doubled over weezing* Can-Can he keep him?

Jason: *cackling* I'm with Steph on this one!

Dick: I don't know, he sounded super cute.

Tim: So we going to go save them or not?

Bruce: *sighs* Let's go.

Tim: Are we getting him Tacos-

Jason: Hah~ *finally stops laughing* Yes we are getting him Tacos.

[alien-slushie]

Wally: Dick you are my husband, defend me! Defend my honor!

Dick: What honor?!

Wally: *dramatic gasp*

Danny: Oh, I didn't know they were married! *nervously rubs his neck* Do you think Wally is angry I flirted with Dick? I wouldn't have if I had known! Honest!

Artemis: Woah there, its just an inside joke Danny. They've been freinds for so long they're fake husbands. Trust me, Wally does not care you flirted with Dick.

Danny, relieved: Okay. Thats a relief, if Vlad ever heard I'd gone after a married man, I'd never hear the end of it.

Artemis: You know, a lot of the things you say are concerning.

Danny: I hear that a lot.

[dcxdpdabbles]

Danny: I have a confession to make. I'm from a different dimension

Dick: I know

Danny: How?

Dick: Last February, I gave you a Valentine's Day card. You accepted it, then panicked when you saw what was on it.

Danny: You handed me an image of one of the most feared ghosts in the multiverse!

Dick: It was Cupid.

Danny: THE TERRIBLE

Dick: So am I right to assume there is no holiday called Valentine's in your dimension?

Danny: No, there is, but our symbol of love is a heart. You know, like sane people.

Dick: Why are you so scared of him?

Danny: He shoots you on sight! You're going about your day, fall in love by accident and then BOOM- dead! And if you escape him, Cupid the Terrible hunts you down for the rest of your life. All because you fell in love!

Dick: Wait, your Cupid hunts down people in love?

Danny: Yeah, what does your Cupid do?

Dick: He shoots you with arrows that cause you to fall in love. He literally brings the feeling of love.

Danny: Wow.....and your Halloween spirit? Is he sweet, too? Ours swings a sword of fear, and as soon as it touches someone, they find themselves trapped in their greatest fear.

Dick: Ohhhh, that's why you barricaded us in my room last Halloween.

Danny: No, that was because I saw Nigtwing sniffing around you again. He's a powerful ghost and my powers are a tad bit limited in this universe. I had to protect you.

Dick: You know, when you knocked on my door at midnight on Halloween, I thought you were there for something else.

Danny: What? Why? I was carrying wood planks to board the windows.

Dick: Sometimes a man can hope for something else

Danny: I don't understand the people in this world.

Dick: Its okay, I still love you

Danny, unaware he's been in a relationship for a year: YOU WHAT?

[alien-slushie]

Phantom: Your heart is racing, Richard Grayson.

Nightwing, sweating: tha-Thats unrelated to the situation at hand...

Flash(Wally): Flash will put it this way; Nightwing is the most handsome man This Flash has ever seen, and you make Nightwing look like Two Face.

[alien-slushie]

DpxDc Idea

Danny is paying his way through collage/trade school by singing in a slightly sketchy bar in Gotham. His job is purely singing, and maybe subtly flirting with customers as he does so in order to keep their interest and get them to order more drinks, hes not involved in anything illegal.

[Bat of your choosing] is running under cover and becomes a regular at the bar to build report with the establishment. It takes no time at all for them to fall completely in love with Danny's singing voice. Yes they still run under cover because, this place just has to he tied to money laundering, or dr*gs, or something, but they'll also happily admit that if the place turned out, to somehow be, clean that they would continue to come to the bar just to hear Danny sing.

Bonus

-Diluted Siren Blood!Danny

-The place eventually gets shut down, and the bat in question offers Danny a job so they can continue hearing Danny sing [Preferably for Jason or Bruce, who do own a bar or two, or could easily have one built/bought]

-The bat approaching Danny on his brakes and they chat, so they become friends

-Can stay platonic or romantic

-Damian[17-18ish but he looks older and has a really good fake ID] sneaks in to see what all the fuss is about, and ends up also really liking Danny's singing so he just comes out with a job offer at one of Bruce's bars/clubs. Danny thinks hes some richy rich kid trying to show off and flirt with him, its happened more times that Danny is comfortable admitting, and after turning down the offer down his next song happens to be "Does Your Mother Know", this wasn't on purpose, it was just coincidence but Danny secretly thinks its very funny

-The bats take down the establishment while Danny is singing "Holding out for a Hero", everyone finds this Ironic and Danny finds it hilarious.

[alien-slushie]

* Collage Roommates AU *

Jason, whispering: Dick, are we safe in here?*huddled in a closet*

*crash*

Dick, whispering: I don't think so.*huddled next to him*

Danny, storming around the appartment: Which one of your richy riches is gonna explain this?! *carrying around discarded ramen packaging*

Dick, whispering: I didn't mean too, I was just tired after patrol.

Jason, whispering: Its okay Dicky, nobody blames you-

Danny: I fully blame whoever did this! If I've said it once, I've said it 1,000 times: No one in this appartment will eat like a sewer rat on my watch!

[alien-slushie]

Dick: Danny, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you've got to calm the F-Train down. You're gonna ace this test!

Danny: You think that because you love me, and love has made you dumb.

Dick: I disagree, if anything I think love has made me smarter. Remember last week, when I boiled that egg?

Danny: That was big, I was proud of you.

[alien-slushie]

*Collage Roommates AU*

Dick, over the phone: Alfred quick! How do you make cinnamon rolls and can it be done in 28.5 minutes?

Alfred, on speaker: Hello, Master Dick, oh yes I'm fine, how are you today?

Dick: Alfred please! I don't have time for your sarcasm!

Alfred: I can message you a recipe, though for Mister Danny's health I fear what you need it for. And no, 28.5 minutes is not enough time to make proper cinnamon rolls.

Jason: Why do you need cinnamon rolls in 28.5 minutes?

Dick: Ugh, Danny made cinnamon on Monday, he just texted me asking if there was any left because he had a bad day and could really use a cinnamon roll, but I litterally had just finished eating the last roll when he texted me!

Bruce: Go to the store and buy him one if you're that worried.

Alfred, Dick, and Jason: *gasps*

Alfred: If you believe a store bought cinnamon roll equates to a homemade one, then I raised you wrong.

Dick: Not to mention that Danny will kill me if I brought store bought junk food into this appartment!

Jason: Are you trying to get Dick killed?

Bruce: Its just a cinnamon roll.

Alfred, Dick, and Jason: *louder gasps*

Alfred: Where did I go wrong?

Dick: Just a cinnamon roll? Have you tasted Danny's cinnamon rolls? Of course not or else you wouldn't say that.

Bruce: Actually I've never even met Danny, you just talk about him. A lot.

Alfred: Master Dick, I'm afraid I need to go, I need to have a word with Master Bruce.

Bruce: Oh no.

Jason: Don't worry, I'll film it for you.

*hang up sound*

Dick: Serves him right! . . . Wait what about my cinnamon roll dilemma?!

[alien-slushie]

Dick: Ah Uh You- random guy- come with me!*grabs Danny's wrist and pulls him along*

Danny, shrugging: Sure okay.

Dick, pausing: "Okay"?! This is Gotham! Don't just listen to weirdos who randomly grab you off the street.

Danny: But whatever you were doing seemed way more interesting than meeting my weird godfather for dinner.

Dick: Regardless- have more respect for your life!

Danny: *snorts*

Dick: Now let's go!*starts pulling Danny again*

[yukicharley]

DannyMay-29-CAPTIVE

猜猜是谁的手

[alien-slushie]

DpxDc Prompt

Danny(23) owns a petting zoo/animal rescue a few miles outside of Gotham. he has some animals from all walks of life; reputable breeders, other rescues, kill shelters, hoarding situations, breeding mills, ect. Be it dogs, to sheep, to goats, to snakes, to lizards, ro hamsters, to chinchillas, and much more- hes got a little bit of eveything. He makes sure they all have the right set ups, and can live as idealy as possible.

Damian(9) hears about this place and of course needs to check it out. Obviously, he needs to make sure the animals are taken care of and nothing else. And Damian just, immediately falls in love with the place. All the animals are so happy and healthy and the information packets are so well put together and accurate! He is disappointed that nobody is allowed to meet the animals in recovery, but he also knows its for the animals health and safety, which he appreciates. Hes impressed, and decides Danny just has to be his new father.

Bruce(34) thought taking Damian to the petting zoo/rescue would be a nice father/son bonding thing- he did not expect his 9 year old to then try and wingman him to the petting zoo owner, who, might Bruce add, is 10 years his junior!

Basically: Damian is trying to hook his father up with Danny because he wants unlimited animal cuddles. Bruce is unimpressed, Danny's equal parts amused and confused.

[buffycaps]

Rest in peace to the incredible Anthony Stewart Head (20th February 1954 - 1st June 2026)

RUPERT GILES in BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1997-2003)

[alien-slushie]

Tim: Danny, these are my very special, very best freinds; Kon, Cassie, and Bart.

Danny: Nice to meet you all, I'm Danny.

Kon: *saaaaaare*

Cassie: Talk about dating above your pay grade Tim, Wow good job!

Bart: Huh, so you do exist!

Tim: Never mind, they're terrible, and I hate them, and actually, turns out, I've never met them before.

Danny: *laughing*

[spectrelike-art]

Dannymay Day 27: Molt A Harpy/Siren AU! Tried to replicate the Dungeon Meshi cellshaded style as homage to their weird monster creatures, here's the sketchwork as well:

[nickturse]

[todaysbat]

Image description: over an image of a grassy coastline and a blue sky with a few clouds is the words "There is enough if we share" in all caps.

[alien-slushie]

Tim: You have mermaids in your lineage?

Danny: More Sirens, but yes.

Tim: That explains why you're so gorgeous then.

Danny: *starts blushing*

Tim: *realizes what he just said and also starts blushing*

Tim: I-I uh need to leave now! *takes off running* Steph! Steph I need you to kill me!

Steph: Okay!. . . . wait why?

[phantomwithbreakfast]

DANNYMAY DAY 23: Forgiveness

Day 22 ⟡ Day 24

Angst angst angst. I have nothing else to say ;3