How much of a fucking cliché can I be?
Regardless, my constant ability? need? I don’t know habit? maybe? yeah we’ll go with habit. My habit of turning into the media that I consume is absurd. I mean do I even have a semblance of self beyond what happens to be popular now? Also, am I high? It’s such a habit at this point I don’t even know. Anyways, I feel like I complain too much. and focus too much on myself. The first step is recognizing the issue as the platitude states. Cool. I am narcissus. Now what? Care about other people more? I mean I do. But I think overall I just care too much about everything. Like, I’m a try hard, that’s no secret but I think there’s something to be said for giving a fuck. Well, not so many fucks that you almost fail out of school but, the right fucks you know? Who the fuck is ‘you’? Reader? Right. Because this totally won’t fall into the depths of my hard drive, only to be deleted when I don’t think of anything to do with it in the next 6 months.
I feel like the reason all of my short term writing fails is because I always want it to be lyrics and it comes out as prose. Fucking gross. Oh well. Some people aren't cut out for shit I guess. All of the random fucking tracks on my hard drive will likely meet the same fate as this I guess.
The girls sitting next to me is reading a book entitled ‘Computer Simulation of Liquids’, drinking tea, and being gorgeous. Oh god that’s kind of creepy. Meh. I’m a creep. In a Créperie. That’s funny. What do normal people do in this situation? Do they continue what they’re doing, In my case trying to look busy? I mean she’s probably straight so it doesn’t really matter. But like, the CompSci of it all…
Oh my god. I saw her face. she has the most adorable nose. AHHHHH. Ok well let’s be honest, as much as I can talk big game I’m a scared little bitch when it comes down to it so let’s stop getting distracted and try to focus okay?
What the fuck was I focusing on?
Oh right, myself. Shocker.
She’s taking handwritten notes in a hardbound journal. Fuck. Stop distracting me by being wonderful. Jesus.
Wow yeah this is probably pretty creepy.
Like super creepy. Creppie. hehehehe.
Fuck. Anyways. Let’s talk about the fact that some random OKC dude probably thinks I’m some sort of sexual masochist. How about that one? He messaged me asking what the most interesting aspect of human behavior is. I was like oh, cool. That’s a neat question. So, logically, I talked about the human need to avoid discomfort. How it started as an evolutionary thing and how it has now caused us to become fat and complacent. About how we should seek that which makes us uncomfortable because it allows us to stretch the bounds of what we previously thought possible. How people don’t work at that which they love because the path is too hard, and they will wallow in their misery because it’s easy.
Still waiting for a reply on that one.
So I'm pretty sure she caught me staring. We spoke for a few minutes. Her name is Diane and she seems absolutely brilliant. Not Computer Science but, physics. She goes to school right next to where I live, if you can manage to talk to them, the people here are sort of wonderful. If anything they make me feel dumb but, I am totally okay with that.
So maybe not as creepy as I thought.
___________________________________________________________________
Wrote this thinking it would never see the light of day. Forgot I had a tumblr. Still will never see the light of day, A+.
