Be Not Nobody

A girl embarking into the world of fanfiction

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Fifty Five

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 55) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - Tim Lincecum Rating: R

Tim stared at Alyssa and smiled. She looked so peaceful as she slept. He knew this trip had meant a lot to her. Her phone had barely gone off during the weekend - the birthday texts kept to a minimum. It was clear why she had said her birthday was often an after thought. She had thanked him countless times for the simplest of efforts. It had been clear to him fairly quickly that no one had planned even the smallest gestures for her before. There was not shortage to the appreciation she had when the simplest things were done - even when it was just planning a simple activity.

The look on her face when the servers sang her 'Happy Birthday' at dinner on her birthday might be forever etched in his heart. It was one of pure happiness and gratefulness. They had spent the remainder of the weekend visiting several different beaches, restaurants, breweries and museums. He could tell that she had loved every minute of it.

They were driving back to Miami today and Tim hated to see the trip end. It had been nice to get away with her for a few days with no distractions or interruptions. He would need to see about planning another trip soon - maybe for their anniversary. It was coming up soon - in about two months they would be celebrating their first year together. He was cautiously optimistic - he never let himself get too happy or too excited anymore. In the back of his mind he always had this fear that things could change quickly - not because of Alyssa, but because of the way his life had gone the last few years.

Alyssa stirred and slowly opened her eyes and smiled, "Good Morning."

He leaned in to kiss her and he replied, "Good Morning baby. We have one last spot this morning for breakfast before we take off."

She groaned and he knew it was because she didn't want the trip to end - he didn't either. She pushed up against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. It was crazy to him how close they had gotten so quickly. For someone who seemed so reserve sometimes she was quick to jump into his arms. He had never craved physical touch as much as he did with her - her need quickly rubbed off on him.

He kissed her cheek lightly and whispered, "Come on baby. If we get up now we can head to the pier one more time before we leave."

That did it. Alyssa pulled back and smiled, "Fine. But only because I want to see the dolphins again."

There was a walking trail that lead from the park to the entrance of the pier in downtown. They had walked down the trail one evening before sunset and had sat along the bank and watched as a pair of dolphins swam up and down the length of the trail. Alyssa had been mesmerized. She hadn't wanted to leave, but when the sun set the dolphins swam further away and it was hard to spot them in the dark.

They packed up their stuff and headed to one last breakfast stop. Alyssa had made a list of all the cafes in the area and they had barely made a dent in the list because of the amount there were. She didn't seem too bummed about it though.

After breakfast they headed back to the park near the pier. They sat quietly with their legs swinging over the bank, Alyssas's head on Tim's shoulder, his arms around her waist, for the better part of an hour. Just when they were about to get up and leave Tim spotted something out in the distance.

"Baby look, over there."

Alyssa snapped to attention and began gushing when she noticed what Tim was pointing towards, the dolphins were swimming out in the bay and were making their way towards the bank. Alyssa smiled wide as she watched them swim back and forth. They eventually swam back out into the bay, but Alyssa was still all smiles. Tim knew she was content just having seen them once last time.

He helped her up from the bank and kissed her forehead lightly as he whispered, "Ready?"

She looked up at him and Tim could see the sparkle in her eyes as she nodded. He loved to see his girl so happy with the simplest of things.

The ride back was quiet and when they reached Miami the sun was almost setting. Tim parked in front of Alyssa's house and noticed that during the quiet, her smile and sparkle had faded.

"What's wrong baby?"

She shook her head and Tim could tell the smile on her face was forced, "Nothing baby. Just back to reality. It was a great weekend. Thank you so much for everything. For making me feel special."

Tim leaned over and kissed her, a kiss that dragged long and he didn't want to pull away, but when he finally did he whispered, "You are the most special thing in my life baby. I love you."

Alyssa returned an authentic smile and whispered back, "I love you too baby. So much."

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Fifty Four

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 54) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: R

Alyssa jumped out of the shower and wrapped her wet hair in a towel. Her skin was reflecting a nice glow and she was thankful for Tim applying the sunscreen on her multiple times - otherwise she would have for sure been a bright red shade instead.

She walked into the bedroom in one of Tim's shirts and traded places with him. She noticed the dress he had picked out for her. It was one of her favorites - a long floral baby blue dress with the back slightly open. It was the perfect summer dress - not too dressy and not too casual. She grabbed her makeup and was just about done applying when Tim walked out of the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist and his long locks still wet.

She bit her bottom lip at the sight and Tim interrupted her thoughts rather quickly, "Did you by any chance pack a hair dryer?"

Alyssa giggled - "There's one in the drawer under the bathroom vanity."

Tim raised his brow up but went back to check and called out from the bathroom, "Found It".

Alyssa fell back on the bed and sighed. Her mind had drifted away - thinking of how great it was to be able to spend this coming weekend with Tim - when he walked back into the bedroom. His hair was dry and the towel replaced by boxers. Alyssa sat up and smiled before she ran to the bathroom to dry her own hair.

When she was finished she walked out to find Tim already dressed - khaki slacks, a black dress shirt, and his hair pulled back in a ponytail. She smiled, he looked great, "Well someone cleans up nicely."

He walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead, she loved those forehead kisses. He looked down at her and smirked, "As much as I love to see you in my clothes, I don't think the restaurant would enjoy it very much."

She giggled and walked over to the dress still hanging in front of the closet - "I love this dress. I'm glad you picked this one. But you have to help me put it on - it has way too many ties."

Tim smiled, "Gladly".

She stripped off the t-shirt and climbed into the dress, holding it up in the right places so that Tim could tie it. He tied the strings behind her neck and nibbled softly on her neck afterwards. Then he tied the two separate back ties and kissed her open back as she giggled. When the dress was securely tied he rubbed his hands up and down her arms and whispered, "You look beautiful baby."

She smiled and turned to look up at Tim, "Thank you". She tippy toed to give him a sweet kiss and he pulled back before it could deepen.

"You have your shoes ready? The Uber should be here soon."

Alyssa raised her eyebrow, "Uber? We could have driven. Where are we going?"

"Nope. We're going to enjoy the evening and not have to worry about parking and driving."

Before she could ask again the app went off, alerting them that their Uber had arrived. She slipped on her shoes and followed Tim outside as he opened the car door for her. The ride was quiet as Alyssa glanced out the window, watching her favorite city whiz by. The Uber finally stopped at their destination - a beautiful restaurant with a rooftop canopy in the downtown area.

Alyssa had been to Birch and Vine once, to the rooftop, and she had left rather quickly because she had felt out of place. But today, she felt like she belonged there. They were lead to a small quiet table in the back and Alyssa couldn't wipe the smile off her face even if she tried.

They ate lobster, pasta and steak - sharing everything that arrived on the table. Alyssa was stuffed - she didn't think she could eat another bite when she caught Tim grinning hard.

Before she could say anything she was surrounded by servers - all singing 'Happy Birthday' to her as a dessert with sparklers was set in front of her.

She was left grinning as hard as Tim was when they walked away, "Tim. What is this!?!?"

Tim shrugged, "I was told pumpkin cheesecake."

Alyssa laughed, "You know what I mean."

Tim smiled, "It's your birthday. You deserve a birthday cake. Even if it's just a small one."

She smiled, "Thank you Tim. You have no idea how much this means."

The cheesecake was delicious and she even got Tim to have a few bites, even though he insisted pumpkin was not his thing. When the bill was paid, Tim led her up to the canopy. The views from the top were beautiful and they stayed for awhile to have a few drinks and admire the view. The entire time Tim kept his arms wrapped around her waist. She felt so loved.

The music was beginning to get to her, and Tim noticed. He asked if she was ready to go, and she nodded. He led her down and out of the restaurant - the downtown area bustling with people. She smiled and turned back to Tim, "Do you have something else planned? Or are we headed back now?"

"Baby, it's your day. Whatever you want to do now."

Alyssa looked around and then back to Tim, "Honestly? I'd love to just go back and snuggle up in bed with you."

The words were barely out of her mouth when Tim pulled out his phone and requested an Uber, "Done. The Uber should be here in 5 minutes."

The Uber ride was nice, she snuggled up into Tim's arms and fought to stay awake. The sun from the day, the abundance of food, and the alcohol was making her sleepy. When they arrived back at the Air BnB, Alyssa was quick to collapse on the bed as Tim smiled, "Someone is getting old."

He headed to the bathroom as she called out after him, "Hey. I take offense to that! And besides - you're older." He walked back out, in only his boxers and smiled, "Only by a year. Do you need help untying the dress?"

Alyssa shook her head as she stood up, "Nope. That's the easy part. Getting all this makeup off however."

She disappeared into the bathroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were bright and even below the makeup her skin was glowing. Her heart was full and her face reflected that. She washed off her makeup and noticed that Tim had left his clothes on the floor. She peeled off her dress and wrapped herself in his dress shirt. She hugged herself as she inhaled his scent. She loved it.

She walked out and Tim whistled, "I swear you look better in my clothes than I do."

She smiled as she climbed in bed next to him, "Doubtful. You look pretty good in them. But thank you for sharing. I don't know why, but I love wearing your clothes. They're so comfortable, like being wrapped in your hugs."

Tim pulled her in close and kissed her, "Baby, you can wear my clothes whenever you want."

She cuddled up deep in his chest, his arms wrapped tight around her and his head a top hers. The moment was perfect. She thanked him again for a great evening and closed her eyes, falling asleep within minutes.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Fifty Three

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 53) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: R

Alyssa couldn't have imagined a better start to her birthday. Tim's mouth on hers, his hands and body hungry for hers was exceptional.

She had half a mind to spend the entire day in bed with him, but their day had been planned long before they arrived and he wouldn't let her deter from that plan.

They stopped for coffee - her iced pumpkin spice latte happily in her possession - and headed down to the beach at Fort De Soto. Alyssa had wanted to spend the day on and near the water so they were going to go kayaking before settling in to relax on the beach for a while.

They rented a tandem kayak, got their life jackets on and paddled out into the bay. The sun was beating on them but the water was nice and calm. They paddled out through the mangroves and onto open water before they stopped and let the current hold them for a bit. Alyssa took a deep breath, closed her eyes and inhaled the ocean air. She loved it.

Tim reached over and softly messaged her shoulders, whispering in her ear, "Your happy place?"

Alyssa nodded. It truly was. The ocean, especially on the west side of the state always relaxed her soul and mind. They continued their paddling for another hour or so, laughing as the kayak and their paddling had minds of their owns sometimes - the kayak going left when they would try to paddle right and vice versa.

When they reached land Alyssa's arms were tired and she couldn't wait to cross over to the other side of the park and relax by the beach. They grabbed their stuff from the car - cooler, towels, umbrella and chairs, and set up near the shore.

Alyssa walked to the shoreline to get her feet wet and stood for a minute watching the waves crash in front of her. Soon Tim was behind her wrapping her in a hug. She closed her eyes and allowed her body to find peace within his arms and the tranquility of the ocean.

Tim kissed her neck softly and then grabbed her hand to lead her out into the water. She hesitated slightly, taking only small steps into the water, not allowing herself to walk in too deep.

Tim stopped and raised his eyebrow, "What's wrong".

Alyssa hesitated slightly before she answered, "We can't go out that deep. I can't swim, so it scares me if I can't touch the bottom or if the waves hit me to high."

Tim's mouth dropped open, "We were out in the middle of the ocean on a kayak. And you said you love the water."

Alyssa shrugged, "And that's true. But I never learned to swim." She gazed out into the water, her mind drifting back to her childhood, "I was supposed to have lessons when I was a kid but I told my mom on the first day I didn't want to go so she never took me back. I was probably five or so. I stayed away from the ocean and water for years. It wasn't until my late twenties / early thirties where I fell in love with the tranquility of the ocean - even if I couldn't always get in."

She felt her eyes water and a tear fall down her face at the memory - she remembered it all so clearly. As a child her mom kept her away from pools and beaches because she didn't know how to swim. Now she resented the fact that she had never learned.

Tim wiped the tear from her face and hugged her, "Hey. There's nothing wrong with that. We can walk the shoreline, stay in shallow water. It's okay."

Alyssa swallowed hard and nodded, it was stupid, but she felt she was ruining the moment. They stayed in shallow water until Alyssa headed back to their little spot on the sand and Tim followed her. The sun was beating down hard and Alyssa plopped down on the towel they had laid under their umbrella. Tim sat down behind her and she immediately felt his hands on her - he was slathering her with sunscreen as he whispered in her ear, "Can't let you turn into a lobster out here."

Alyssa giggled as she looked at Tim. They could compete on which one of them had the whiter skin tone, but Tim always stayed covered up in the sun to avoid getting burned, while Alyssa did not and often paid the price later.

He kissed her softly on the forehead when he was done and stared into her eyes, "Feeling better?"

She smiled and nodded. They stayed out for a few more hours, eating snacks and drinking some white claws they had packed as well as returning to the water to splash around a bit before Tim suggested they head back to get ready for the evening - he had made dinner reservations.

Alyssa raised her brow at him - he hadn't mentioned anything earlier and now she was curious - but he just shrugged - so they packed up their beach area and loaded the car back up.

She nagged him the entire drive back to the Air BnB but Tim wouldn't budge. She pouted, but Tim just kissed her and sent her off into the shower first, letting her know she needed to wear something nice tonight.

Alyssa's eyes got wide as she thought about what she would wear - but she realized the time and knew she would have to hurry - so she jumped in the shower and told Tim to pick out her outfit for her.

Now she was intrigued and excited.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Fifty Two

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 52) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - Tim Lincecum Rating: NC-17

Tim woke up and Alyssa was still sound asleep. He knew exactly how he wanted to start the day. He slowly moved towards her, softly climbed over her, not allowing his weight to drop on her. He suspended over for just a minute before he leaned to kiss her softly. Her smile broke the kiss and Tim leaned his weight on his elbows as he began tracing kisses down her body, stopping to suck softly on each of her breasts.

He could hear Alyssa suck in her breath and soon her hands were in his hair. They didn't remain there for long as Tim went down lower - to his favorite spot. He parted her legs with ease and found her already wet for him. He teased around her thighs and pulled down her underwear slowly as he allowed her to wake up a bit more before he dug in.

Her moans got louder as he went to work and he noticed her clutching the bed sheets as he sucked lightly on her clit. Tim loved pleasuring Alyssa like this - it made him feel insanely close to her; both physically and emotionally. She was still so guarded emotionally, but during these instances she was able to let go and be free with him.

He traced his tongue around her clit as he used one arm to hold her down and reached up with the other arm to roll her nipple lightly, causing her hips to lift up against his foreman. He smirked as her moans continued.

He continued to suck and lick and work her clit with his tongue and lips. Alyssa's hands dug in his hair as his tongue worked inside her, on her clit, her entrance, her folds, everywhere. His name rolling off of her tongue breathlessly was music to his ears. He inserted a finger inside her and felt her clench tight against him.

He smiled, "Fuck babe. You're so tight around my finger, and so fucken wet for me."

He stroked and licked and could feel how close she was, "Come for me baby, let go."

Her cries intensified, his name being called louder as the wave hit her and he rode it out with her.

Alyssa fell limp on the bed, chest heaving for air as Tim crawled back up next to her. She was still coming down from her high as Tim whispered into her ear, "Happy Birthday baby."

Alyssa laughed and pulled his face down to hers. He kissed her deeply and when he pulled away she whispered shyly, "Condom?".

His heart always clenched a bit when his sweet girl would request a condom - it was her little way of telling him that she wanted sex.

He leaned over to grab one from the night stand where he had stashed them and she immediately grabbed it from his hand.

He sucked in his breath as Alyssa ripped the foil wrapper and rolled the condom on him swiftly. She pumped her hand a few times around his member and his breathing became ragged, "Fuck".

She continued pumping her hand as she climbed over him, her long hair falling against her face as she leaned down to kiss him. She pulled back and positioned herself to sink down into him. She aligned Tim at her entrance and sank slowly, closing her eyes and sank down. She stayed still for a few seconds and Tim gripped her hips lightly. She opened her eyes, smiling, and began rotating her hips in slow circles.

Tim let out a low curse as she began to bounce lightly, his hands gripping her hips tighter. Alyssa leaned forward, placing her hands on his chest, and planting kisses softly on his body. He bought her face up to his and pulled her down to kiss her hard. When she pulled back she sat back, squatting over him this time. He squeezed her butt lightly, causing her to giggle, but also to thrust deep into her.

Her moans were getting louder and he knew she was getting close, he was close himself. The view of Alyssa on top of him and her breasts bouncing up and down as he trust into her was almost enough to send him over the edge. He reached over, found her clit, and rubbed her bud gently until she found her release and collapsed on his chest. A few more deep thrusts and he found his release soon afterwards. He wrapped his arms around Alyssa as they both caught up on their breathing.

He remained inside her for several minutes, brushing her hair back until she pushed softly on his chest and kissed him lightly, "Best birthday present ever".

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Fifty One

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 50) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: PG-13

It was a four hour drive to St Petersburg. Alyssa had made the drive at least once a year for the past few years. She hated driving, but her destination always made it worth it. She had initially made the drive many years ago when Tim was still in the league. She remembered the weekend - it was billed as Cy vs Cy because the pitching matchup had him going opposed David Price. Never in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that all these years later she would be in a relationship with the very man she had gone to see pitch that weekend.

When Tim had agreed to escape with her to St Petersburg for her birthday she had decided that she would do it much like she always did. There would be no big expenses even though she knew Tim would oppose. She wanted to do this like she always did - and she wanted to share it with him without spending his money.

Her birthday fell on a Thursday so they made the drive up the day before. They would be there until Monday morning, giving them four full days to enjoy the city. The drive was tranquil. There was small talk and the radio playing in the background. They had left in the early afternoon and arrived outside their Air BnB in the early evening.

When Alyssa parked the car in the driveway she turned to look at Tim who had an eyebrow raised. She immediately knew he was not amused.

"It's my favorite Air BnB. I stay here all the time when I come up here solo."

Tim frowned, "Why didn't you rent a hotel? I told you to use my card. And why have you been traveling solo? Is that even safe."

Alyssa smiled, "I told you, I'm not wasting your money. And I've come solo because I rather come alone than miss things. I just make sure not to do late night activities alone."

Tim nodded as they got out of the car. She could tell he wasn't convinced. They took their luggage out and Alyssa led Tim through the side fence and up to the door of the room. She punched in the code and walked in and smiled. The Air BnB had a small dining area as they walked in and the hostess had left a bouquet of flowers and a "Happy Birthday" balloon on the table. The bedroom was to the right and the kitchen and bathroom to the left.

Tim walked in behind her and nodded, "Okay. It's not bad. And the balloon and flowers is a nice touch."

Alyssa finished reading the card that was left with the flowers and laughed as she headed to the kitchen to open the fridge. She pulled out a margarita wine bottle and smiled wide at Tim - "Last time I stayed here I had purchased a few of these, they come in different flavors, but I couldn't finish them all. So I left them behind and messaged the host telling her to please enjoy them. She wrote me back later saying how much she loved them."

The small tokens meant the world to her, the host didn't have to do any of this.

Tim walked up behind her and wrapped her in a hug, "Okay. I guess it's kinda nice. Simple."

Alyssa turned and smiled wide - "And my favorite coffee shop in the city is right down the street, so you know we need to get coffee there every morning."

Tim smiled, "Let me guess. Pumpkin Spice."

Alyssa laughed. Tim joked that she was going to turn into a pumpkin with the amount of pumpkin spice items that she consumed.

She tippy toed to reach Tim and kiss him lightly before replying, "But of course."

They laughed in unison and Tim bent down to kiss her again.

It wasn't very late so Alyssa suggested driving to the beach to catch the sunset and then getting a bite to eat near by.

They walked the shoreline hand in hand as the sun set in front of them. The silence between them was comfortable as they both soaked in the breeze coming in from the water and the warm sand at their feet as the water splashed around them. When it was finally dark, Tim suggested getting some food. Alyssa nodded, she loved the tranquility of the water but it was getting late and she was a bit hungry.

By the time they made it back to their Air BnB, Alyssa was satisfied and content. Her birthday weekend was starting just how she wanted - with small tokens of affection and Tim by her side.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Fifty

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 50) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: PG-13

Alyssa had finished work and had gone to see Tim. They were lounging on the couch as they often did with the TV on as they waited for dinner to be delivered.

The last months had been heavy. After their light conversation she had opened up more to him than she ever thought she would with anyone. The things she told him were things that had always weighed her down internally. It had felt good to get some of those things off of her chest.

Tim hadn't judged her but she could tell that his heart ached for her. She hated that. She didn't want the pity. She had learned to live with the heartache and with the emptiness, but slowly Tim was showing her that it didn't need to be like that. It was possible for someone to care infinitely more than one could imagine.

Tim began kissing the top of her head lightly and broke the silence by asking what she wanted to do for her birthday this year. Her birthday was in two weeks and like most years she wasn't in the mood to celebrate. She looked over at Tim and closed her eyes tight.

"What is it?" He stroked her cheek and she opened her eyes slowly.

"Can we go somewhere? Anywhere? Just not be here. Not really do anything."

"We can do anything you want. But why do you want to leave?"

Alyssa shrugged as she tried to look anywhere but at Tim, "If we're not here I don't have to worry about no one showing up to anything. I'll be to distracted to notice who remembers me and who doesn't."

Tim pulled her into his lap and kissed her cheek softly, "You have no good memories on your birthday do you?"

Alyssa swallowed hard, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to come, "Not really. There's never any big event. No one ever does anything for me. There were never any parties as a kid, and my birthday cake was usually something frozen from the grocery store that no one would really eat anyway. Even as an adult - no one has ever planned anything for me - and when I planned things myself it was like a dice game to see who would show up. Some years it was one or two people, some years a bit more, but there was always some kind of disappointment around the day. I don't really see the point in celebrating. It hurts less to not even be around anyone sometimes and just ignore the day completely."

Alyssa's tears had fallen down her face as she spoke and Tim wiped them softly. In the last nine months he had seen Alyssa's friends bail on her countless times - plans constantly cancelled. He didn't know how she continually put up with it. So he understood why she didn't want to plan anything with them now. If she wanted to go somewhere, he would do that - "You made my birthday special, let me do that for you. You want to leave town - we'll leave town - where do you want to go?"

Alyssa shrugged, she wasn't sure. She wasn't someone who really ever traveled, the only time she had left the state was when she flew to Seattle to be with Tim when his dad died. "Anywhere. Name it. Seattle, California, Hawaii. Abroad. Where is your happy place?"

Alyssa sniffled and looked up at Tim, "I like Tampa. The beaches in St Petersburg are nice."

"Tampa? Really? Okay, so that's where we'll go. I'll give you my card - book it."

"Tim, you don't have to."

"I want to. Let me spoil you. You rarely let me take you out. Yes, I'm a homebody and I love that we can be homebodies together - but we can go out too."

Alyssa shook her head and Tim caught on, "Why not?"

Alyssa didn't know how to respond. Their entire relationship had been spent doing frugal activities, she avoided anything lavish and choose more nights in than nights out, she didn't want to spend Tim's money. She liked to pretend that if she ignored his money she could pretend they were more equals than they truly were. Tim had this entire past as a MLB player, a bunch of accolades and fans to his name, and she was a lowly retail worker. She hadn't done anything with her life - did she even deserve someone like Tim?

Her thoughts were interrupted by Tim lifting her chin up, "Talk to me. What's going on in that little head of yours."

"I don't want to spend your money Tim. I don't care about your money."

Tim frowned slightly, "I know that. But I have more than enough money. Let me spend it on you, on us. I earned all that money from baseball but what do I have to show for it? You're the only thing in my life right now. Let me take care of you."

Alyssa's head snapped into attention quickly, "That's not true Tim. You still have family, friends. You have a lot to show for your time in baseball. You left your mark on history. Don't ever forget that."

Tim smiled, "Don't change the subject. Let me take you to Tampa. Let me celebrate you on your birthday. Let me make you feel special."

Alyssa smiled defeated, she knew Tim wasn't going to give up on this. And maybe it was a good thing to get away with him for a little bit - there would be no work to interrupt her thoughts for a week, no therapy sessions for him to work through - they could just be two people in a relationship enjoying a vacation together.

"Okay Tim. But nothing fancy."

Tim nodded, "Whatever you want," and proceeded to make it official by wrapping his arms around her. She giggled as his kisses were interrupted by the door bell - their dinner had arrived.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty Nine

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 49) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - Tim Lincecum Rating: PG-13

Tim woke up hours later to a sense of peace. The room was dark and Alyssa was sleeping in his arms. He moved slightly to check the time on his nightstand, trying hard not to wake her. It was 1:00am. He didn't know when they had fallen asleep. He knew he had arrived home at 1:00pm and was only alone for a short time before Alyssa showed up. He hated that she had left work for him - he hadn't meant her to. They had remained quiet for hours, just taking in each other's presence before they drifted off to sleep, it couldn't have been later than 6:00pm when they drifted off.

His hand subconsciously went up to her hair and he gently started stroking her hair back. Alyssa always loved when he did that. He felt her stir in his arms before she snuggled deeper in his chest. He thought she was still asleep until he heard her whisper, "What time is it?"

Tim continued stroking her hair as he replied, "A little after 1."

Alyssa yawned as she responded, "AM?"

Tim laughed softly, "Yeah. We fell asleep for quite a bit".

Alyssa shifted again, pulling Tim's arm tighter around her. Tim's brain had been in overdrive the last 24 hours and although it was the middle of the night, he just couldn't help the words that came out. "Tell me more about your family?"

Alyssa sat up slowly, removing herself from Tim's embrace, "My family?"

Tim sat up and leaned against the headboard before continuing, "Yeah. I know your grandmother passed away quite some time ago. I've met your mother, and you've told me how you guys often don't see eye to eye, but that's it. Seven months in and I barely know the background of what makes you who you are."

Tim could see Alyssa swallow hard as she crossed her legs Indian style and dragged her hands down her face. "Umm. We're not a family oriented family. There was never any sort of closeness there. My parents divorced when I was five and I maybe see my dad once or twice a year even though he lives about 20 minutes away from me. I have an older brother - he lives in South Carolina with his wife. We text every day about arbitrary things and that's about it. Uncle, aunt, cousins I never ever see. There's really nothing to talk about."

Tim could see Alyssa was holding back tears and softly pulled her into his arms. He hadn't meant to trigger bad memories, he just wanted to know why she never mentioned them. For the next hour she recounted several things about her past that obviously hurt her - times when someone should have shown up for her; but no one did. She had experienced everything alone, so for her; family was a foreign concept. He wiped the tears from her eyes as she spoke until she finally concluded, "It's not that I never wanted to let you in. You know more about me than any person in the world right now. It's just that my own family never cared to know much about me - so I always assumed nobody else would ever care either."

Tim's heart broke for her. This women was there for him time and time again, and he hated how it seemed that no one had ever been there for her when it mattered. Her friends were scarce, her family even more. It was unfair. Why was life so hurtful? His life had been good - full of grief in the last few years - but before that he had few complaints. Alyssa's life however seemed to have always been empty and he didn't know how she coped with all that loneliness for so long.

He hugged her tight as he apologized. He felt terrible about making her dig into old wounds. She didn't respond, just wrapped her arms around his torso and rested her head on his shoulder. It was still the middle of the night so Tim wrapped the comforter back up around them and whispered softly, "It's still the middle of the night. Let's try and go back to sleep."

He felt Alyssa nod but she didn't speak. He laid his head on top of hers and closed his eyes. When he opened them again there was light peering in through the window and Alyssa was gone. He dragged his hands through his hair and sighed. He shouldn't have pushed her last night, randomly thrown such a heavy topic at her.

He went to the bathroom, washed his face and walked out of his bedroom. He was shocked and relieved to find Alyssa standing in his kitchen with a cup of orange juice in her hands. She had changed out of her work clothes and into one of his shirts. He loved the way she looked in his clothes.

"You didn't leave?"

Alyssa smiled as she responded, "No. Why? I did steal your shirt though. And woke up incredibly thirsty this morning. You might be out of orange juice now."

Tim laughed, she could take whatever she wanted in his home. After all, she had already taken his heart.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty Eight

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 48) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: PG-13

When Alyssa was called to the counter for "customer assistance" she groaned. Ninety percent of the time it was someone asking for a job. They weren't hiring and she hated to have to tell people that over and over again.

She was surprised, to say the least, when she walked up to the counter to find Tim standing there. Never once had he showed up to her job and a slight panic set in.

"Tim. What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

Tim looked around sheepishly and asked her if she could get away for a little bit, take a lunch break.

Alyssa stumbled her words as she replied, "Yeah. Let me tell my team leader to keep an eye on everything and grab my stuff."

She hurried into the back and let her staff know that she was going to go on break. The girls raised their eye brows - she rarely took a break this early, most often skipping break all together - and she definitely never had a man come to whisk her away.

She grabbed her purse proceeded back to the desk, grabbing Tim's hand and hurrying out of the store. When they were a good distance from the entrance she turned to face him, "What's going on Tim? What's wrong?"

She stared at Tim, trying to decipher his face for any hints. He looked like if something was bothering him emotionally, like he was hurt about something.

Tim didn't answer her right away, instead wrapping his arms around her, holding her tight for several moments. When he finally let go his hand stroked her cheek softly. She fell into his touch as she often did and when he spoke her heart almost broke.

"Today is the anniversary of Cristin's passing. And I really just wanted to see you, hold you, talk to you."

She knew her face was one of pure shock at the moment as she softly responded, "what".

Tim grabbed her hand and led her to his car. She stumbled as she got in the passenger seat, she still couldn't believe what he just said. He stood in front of her against the open passenger seat door as she sat quiet.

She didn't know what to say, she just wanted to hold him, so she did - she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him in close - her head resting on his chest, his head atop of hers. She squeezed him slightly and he tightened the hug. After a few minutes she pulled back and gently cupped his face in her hands as she repeatedly whispered, "I'm sorry."

She watched as Tim shut his eyes and a tear fell down his cheek. She wiped it away softly, her heart aching for him. "I told Cristin's father about you today, about us. He called me earlier."

Alyssa stared up into his eyes, the green clouded slightly by tears, before she whispered, "And?"

Tim smiled slightly at her, "He was happy for me. Happy that I can move on. I've carried this guilt inside me about forgetting about Cristin, moving on. Hearing him tell me that it was okay to move on, that it's what Cristin wanted and he was happy for me just lifted that weight off of me slightly. I think it might always be there, but for right now it's comforting to know that I don't have to be scared about moving on - about being happy with you."

She reached out to hug him again. She wanted to hold on to him forever. He kissed her softly on the crown of her head and pulled back, helping her out of the car. "You have to get back to work. I didn't mean to throw this on you now. I'm sorry."

Alyssa shook her head, "No no no. Never apologize for needing to talk to me. I love that. Please never stop."

He leaned in and kissed her softly.

He walked her back to the store entrance and she didn't want to let go of his hand. She didn't want to go back to work and leave him alone, not today of all days. He promised he'd go back to his apartment and be waiting for her when she got out.

She walked back into work and looked at the clock, it was 4 more hours before she could leave. Her heart broke for Tim - everything this man had been through - she didn't think she would ever stop being mesmerized at how he managed to keep going. If she suffered as much loss as he had - especially the loss of a partner - she wondered if she would have the strength that he had.

"You okay?" Her thoughts were interrupted by her team leader walking into the office.

She shrugged, not knowing what to respond and her team leader continued, "Was that your boyfriend? The one who lost his dad not so long ago? He still looks a little beat up."

Alyssa swallowed hard, he did look beat up, but not for the reason she thought. "Yeah. It's been tough."

"So leave. Take some PTO. I'll cover."

Alyssa stared at her with her eyes wide, "You know what. Maybe I will. Thank you."

She grabbed her things and headed out. She knew the store would be fine without her and she wanted to be with Tim, to hold him, kiss him.

She parked her car in visitor parking outside his building as she had done countless times, but this time she needed to take several deep breaths before she was able to get out of the car and walk up to his apartment.

She stood outside for longer than she should have before she slipped her key in the lock. Anxiety was getting to her. Even though Tim had said that he had spoken to Cristin's father and he had given his blessing for Tim to move on and be happy - she knew she was competing with a ghost. Cristin would always have Tim's heart, Alyssa would never be able to compete with that. It had been 10 years together; she had known him during his baseball life and after it. Alyssa only knew the after. The man carrying so much on his shoulders.

She usually pushed those thoughts out of her head - Tim never made her feel like she was second or less than - but today, there was no denying that she didn't have him completely and there was a chance she never would.

She let herself in and the apartment was quiet. She tiptoed across the space to his bedroom and opened the door slowly and quietly. He was laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, arms crossed behind his head. She walked in and crawled in next to him, snuggling into his chest. His arms immediately came down to wrap around her and he kissed the crown of her head.

They were quiet for several minutes as Alyssa laid on his chest and watched his chest rise and fall in time with his breathing. It was an awkward silence that Tim soon broke, "I didn't mean to ruin your day."

Alyssa quickly sat up shaking her head, "I promise you didn't ruin anything. You could never ruin my day." She gently cupped his face in her hands before she continued, "I feel like I say this all the time to you, but I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't know what I can say on a day like today. In some ways I feel like I shouldn't be here, like I'm intruding on something special, where I don't belong. But in other ways I just want to give you a thousand kisses and hugs and show you that you're not alone and someone cares."

She was barely able to finish her sentence when Tim leaned in and pressed his lips hard against hers. It was a kiss full of need, she could feel his need to be with her right now and she knew she had done the right thing by leaving work.

When they broke apart he wrapped her back in his arms and whispered, "This is perfect."

The steady silence remained for hours, with neither of them saying anything else until at some point their eyelids became heavy and they both fell asleep intertwined.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty Seven

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 47) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - Tim Lincecum Rating: R

Tim woke up startled, drenched in sweat, his heart beating intensely in his chest. His body knew exactly what day it was. Two years earlier he had watched Cristin take her last breath in the home they shared together.

Her fight with cancer had been short, less than a year. She had fought as hard as she could, and when it became apparent that time was running out she chose to spend her last moments at home instead of in the hospital.

Tim watched her pass away, and it was a moment that he had never been able to get out of his mind. The guilt of all the time he spent away from her during their relationship consumed him. He had split his time between Seattle and San Francisco for the majority of their relationship, and when Cristin passed, that was one of his biggest regrets. So much wasted time.

He ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath. He still loved her, he always would, but he had needed to move on, she had asked him to make sure to move on once she was gone. He thought he was doing just that - but sometimes he felt guilty, the weight of grief holding him back.

He looked around the room - it felt cold and empty. For a moment he reminisced on that time two years ago. That house had become cold and empty in the months leading to and after Cristin's death. He had sought to escape - and he did so by coming to Florida. Here he had started to heal, he took steps forward and steps backwards, but it was progress all the same.

He sighed heavily and stumbled over to the bathroom, stripping and standing under the stream of cold water. The coldness sent shivers down his spine and he dragged his hands down his face. He was instantly transported back to that moment when his world crashed for the second time - he could vividly see the moment when Cristin took her last breath in his mind, surrounded by her family at her bedside. He collapsed on the floor of his shower as the cold water continued to spray over him and the tears fell down his face. He seldom cried; he tried to hold his emotions close. He hadn't broken down like this since his dad passed away.

He got up slowly, turning off the water and grabbing a towel to dry off. He stood in front of the mirror and stared at his reflection. Sometimes he didn't know who he was anymore. For years he had defined himself as a baseball player - but when his career ended, he had to decide who he was after baseball - he still hadn't decided who that was. Most times he felt lost, confused, stuck in a maze - his therapist often told him that grief did that.

He walked back to his bedroom and looked around, his eyes landing on the yellow duck on his nightstand and he suddenly felt a wave a comfort rushing through him. As much as he felt empty and alone, he had to admit that he wasn't. He had his friends - who put their lives on hold so many times to watch over him, and he had Alyssa - who somehow ignored all the broken pieces inside him and cared about him.

His thoughts were interrupted by his phone ringing. He used to always keep his phone on silent, but after meeting Alyssa he stopped doing that. He checked caller ID - Cristin's dad Mark - and sighed before answering. He hadn't spoken to her family much since moving to Florida. Mark had checked up on Tim repeatedly after Cristin had passed but after a while Tim stopped answering the phone, he had needed space. Mark had caught on and had stopped calling as much.

Tim paced his bedroom while talking to Mark before finally sitting down on his bed and breaking the news to him that he was seeing someone. He hated to do it today, of all days, but he felt he needed to tell him. Mark immediately gave him his blessing, letting him know that he was more than happy for him. Mark reassured Tim that it was okay to move on - he had taken care of Cristin, and now it was time for him to take care of himself.

Tim felt an intense rush of relief after his phone call with Mark - the guilt was still there, but it didn't feel as heavy. For the first time since he woke up his heart rate seemed to stabilize.

Almost immediately his phone rang again, this time it was Kyle. After that it was Drew, and then Sean. His friends checking in on him to make sure that he was okay meant the world to him, but he realized that the one person who he wanted to hear from today wouldn't know what day it was.

While Sean's death had been shared with the media when he was signing with the Rangers, Cristin's death had been announced by the Giants months after it occurred. No one would know when it happened unless they were a part of their circle, which meant Alyssa had no idea what today was.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty Six

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 46) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - Tim Lincecum Rating: R

Tim walked into his apartment after therapy and found it covered with balloons and decorations, a delicious smell wafting through the air.

Alyssa was standing in the kitchen cooking and shouted out, "Happy Birthday" as soon as she noticed him walk in.

Tim smiled. He had never made much of a fuss over his birthday since it fell in the middle of baseball season. There usually wasn't much time for celebrations during the season. Some seasons he got lucky and his birthday landed on an off day - his friends flying to wherever he was to celebrate - even if it was low-key. But it was never a focal point of the year for him. And in recent years his birthday had become a sour note - two years ago he had watched Cristin lose her battle with cancer two weeks after his birthday. And this year he had lost his father just a few months prior.

The smell in the kitchen was hypnotizing, and Alyssa's excitement was contagious. He opened his arms as he approached her and she jumped right into them, smashing her lips against his. Sometimes Tim couldn't believe that he had gotten so lucky on a dating app. How this wonderful woman was still by his side day after day.

Tim didn't want to let her go, but she pushed against him lightly, claiming that the food in the kitchen was going to burn. He followed behind her, hypnotized by the smell.

"What is all of this?" He tried to sneak around and see what she was cooking, but she shooed him away.

"This is one of my grandma's recipes. It was one of my favorite meals growing up, and since I wanted to cook you something special for your birthday, I thought about this. It's nothing fancy, but it's heartfelt."

Tim couldn't wipe the smile off his face if he tried, "Baby. You didn't have to do anything. I would have been happy with takeout, you know that."

Alyssa covered the pot on the stove and walked up to him slowly, before placing her hand softly on his cheek, "No. But you deserve this and so much more. You deserve to be celebrated, especially on your birthday. Plus it's your 40th birthday!! It's not just any birthday."

Tim sighed as he leaned into her touch, "I never feel much like celebrating, but thank you."

The moment was interrupted by the sound of his doorbell ringing. He raised an eyebrow to Alyssa who just shrugged. Tim was living in a high rise - the only time his doorbell rang was when they ordered food. Even packages and the mail were all left in the mailroom; amazon included.

He walked towards the door as Alyssa stayed where she was, suddenly sensing that she was up to something. He was right, when he opened the door he was greeted with the sight of his three best friends - Sean, Drew and Kyle - shouting out birthday wishes.

He laughed as he moved to let them in, and it was then he noticed that Alyssa was recording the entire thing. "You did this?"

Alyssa shrugged, "I merely suggested to Drew that they should come down for your birthday. And well, Sean and Kyle agreed, so here we are."

Tim wrapped her in his arms and spun her around before kissing her, "You're the best, you know that."

Alyssa pulled back, and he noticed her face was red with embarrassment, she still couldn't take a compliment from him without flushing - it was adorable to him.

Sean cleared his throat to remind him that they were still there before he spoke, "Yeah yeah. We really flew down because she promised us a home cooked cuban meal."

The boys laughed as Alyssa retreated back into the kitchen and they began to lounge around the couch. It wasn't long before Alyssa was shooing them out of the house - sending them to play golf - another outing that she had planned for him.

It felt good to catch up with the boys again. Tim had never been a good communicator over the phone and he had found himself missing their calls and texts a lot lately. Luckily his friends always understood. He was a homebody and a recluse by nature, the spotlight was never something that he sought, and over the years he hid away from everyone more and more.

Their golf game was easy and stress free. They played for fun, barely keeping score, and catching up on each other's lives. Tim was honest the entire time - he didn't hide anything - he never did with them. He was working on himself, he was getting help, he was falling in love. He was never going to be the same person he was - he was more guarded now, more vulnerable, more scared. He couldn't focus as well as he once could and his anxiety was through the roof, something he was slowly working on controlling. Grief had done that to him.

He lived in a semi constant brain fog - that only seemed to be broken by Alyssa's presence. The boys were happy for him - but they warned him to be careful, take it slow, not fall in too fast or too deep. Tim listened, but he knew they didn't understand. As much as they listened and tried to be there for him - none of them had gone through as much personal loss as Tim had - they couldn't put themselves in his predicament. As absurd as it sounded - and he knew it sounded crazy - but right now, Alyssa was his safety human, and sometimes he thought he was hers.

By the time they proceeded back to his place - the sun had begun to set. He opened the door to his place and there was even more delicious smells wafting through the air then there had been earlier in the day.

The dining room table, that they never used, was covered in a confetti table cloth, with a birthday cake displayed perfectly in the middle.

Alyssa popped out of the kitchen with a smile on her face, "I hope you boys are hungry. But if you touch that cake before dinner - you're all dead men."

The boys laughed and Tim walked up to her and gently gave her a kiss on the forehead as he thanked her for everything. She dragged him back to the dining room table and sat him down, placing a birthday crown on his head.

Tim laughed as his friends gathered around the table and Alyssa began to bring out the food. Dinner was delicious and his friends couldn't stop complementing it. He tried to help Alyssa clear the table, but she wouldn't let him, constantly repeating that today was his day.

When she lit the candles on the cake and placed it in front of him he couldn't stop grinning. His smile was wide as she pulled out her phone and took pictures. He stretched out his arms for her and she passed her phone to Drew. He pulled her into his lap and hugged her tight, kissing her all over as Drew snapped pictures for her. Her giggles were music to his ears but she was soon wiggling free, stating the candles were going to melt all over the cake and they had to sing happy birthday.

As they sang happy birthday he looked around, knowing exactly what he wanted to wish for - this. He wanted to wish for this. This exact moment to happen time and time again. He blew out the candles and smiled. This had been a better birthday than he could have ever imagined.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty Five

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 45) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: R

The mornings when she woke up in his arms were her favorite. Alyssa felt protected, cared for, maybe for the first time in a very long time, like she belonged somewhere: in Tim's arms.

She wrapped her arms around Tim's biceps, pulling him closer. Last night had been amazing - the sex with Tim always was - but this time it felt different. Her heart felt full, it wasn't just physical, it was emotional as well. The past six months had been a rollercoaster of emotions; their insecurities about the future, dealing with their past demons, dealing with past and current grief; it was a lot, but each moment was bringing them closer to each other.

She felt Tim snuggle in her hair, kissing the crown of her hair softly, and she couldn't help but squeeze his arms tighter. Tim tightened his grip on her, and she sighed softly.

She felt his breath on her ear before he whispered good morning softly. She closed her eyes and smiled, savoring the moment. She felt Tim shift and she opened her eyes when he began planting soft kisses on her cheek. She turned over to snuggle deep in his chest as she had done countless times before. Tim didn't move, didn't speak, he just softly rubbed his hand up and down her back, careful not to break their embrace.

After awhile she pushed softly on Tim's chest to be able to kiss him lightly before cuddling into his chest again. Tim kissed her forehead lightly and whispered, "This is nice."

She grabbed his hand and intertwined her fingers with his before responding, "Six months."

He lightly lifted her hand without removing their finger lock and kissed her hand softly, "Six eventful months."

Alyssa knew exactly what he meant and whispered softly, "Six months of smiles and tears - to get us to this moment."

With her position on Tim's chest she could feel his heart beating and his chest moving with his breathing. She felt so connected to him. She was lost in her thoughts when Tim spoke again, "Are you happy?"

His grip on her momentarily tighten, as if he was scared of her response, but he didn't need to be.

Alyssa pushed back on his chest so that she could look into his eyes, her smile as wide as it ever was as she replied, "Incredibly. I didn't know happiness like this could even exist."

She noticed a small tear falling from Tim's eye and she wiped it softly as she continued, "You make me feel so loved and special, just by being you, just by being with me. You've never made me question my decision to be with you."

Tim rubbed her back soothingly as he spoke, "I know the last six months have been a bit heavy. And I'm forever thankful to have you by my side - but only if it's what you want too. I worry that this is unfair to you, that's it too much to put you through."

Alyssa swallowed hard before she spoke, last month he had made the same comment and she couldn't take it - "I'm going to tell you something that I've never told anyone - and I don't want you to feel sorry for me, or anything. I spent a lot of nights crying myself to sleep, just wanting to sleep my life away, hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning, constantly begging the universe to just let me die in my sleep. I spent more hours in bed with my stuffed animals than I did doing anything else - it was the only comfort I had. That's why that post I read about surviving for your stuffed animals stuck with me. So maybe these last six months have been heavy, but I've been able to be there for you in a way that no one ever was for me. I've been able to feel that human connection that I craved for so long. And through it all you've never stopped making sure that I was okay - that this was what I wanted. Your world was crumbling - and you still worried about me. Every hug, every kiss, it was all done with warmth and care. And even with everything - these six months have probably been the best of my life. Every night I can't wait to see you or talk to you again the next day. When I'm in your arms I'm hoping the moment never ends, and when it does, I can't wait to be in them again. I want to be here with you, that's all I want."

Alyssa closed her eyes and felt the tears that she had been fighting against slide down her cheeks. She felt Tim wipe them away but she couldn't open her eyes to look at him. She couldn't believe she had just said all of that out loud. She had never told anyone and she had always done a good job of pretending that she was happy and everything in her life was good. As far as anyone could tell - she was perfectly fine, even when she wasn't.

Tim snuggled against her and whispered, "Thank you. For sharing that. For trusting me. I hope you never feel like that again. And if you ever do - I'm right here for you. I will break my own heart before I break yours."

Alyssa swallowed hard again and pulled back slightly to look at Tim, his green eyes showing hints of compassion and love. She leaned in to kiss him softly and then snuggled back in his chest, his arms wrapping around her tighter than before. If this is what it felt like to be with this man for six months, she couldn't imagine how her heart would feel in another six months, but she only hoped the feeling never went away.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty Four

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 44) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - Tim Lincecum Rating: NC-17

Tim's dad had been gone for over a month now, he had picked up the phone many times to call him before the painful reminder would set in. His days were often spent in a daze in his home. His lease was up at the end of the month and he had to decide if he wanted to renew it. The apartment had begun to feel like home, it was no longer bare and it held memories everywhere he looked, which was making the decision to renew his lease easy. He felt at peace here - he felt at peace with Alyssa. Today marked six months that they had been together and a lot had happened in those six months. It had been hard for him to open his heart at first - after losing Cristin he didn't think he ever would - but he was glad he had.

He was parked outside Alyssa's house, waiting to take her to dinner. He seldom went up to the door anymore, Alyssa had told him to stop trying, that her mom was never gonna change her mind about him. He had been bummed about it but she had made it clear that she didn't care at all about her mom's opinion.

When Alyssa walked out, Tim had to hold back his gasp, she walked out in a tight black mini dress and he didn't know how he was going to behave through dinner. He was taking her to a fancy restaurant in Brickell to celebrate, even though she had fought it at first.

She got in the car all smiles and Tim whistled, "You look beautiful". She glanced down, her cheeks getting noticeably red and he lifted her chin up so she was looking at him, "Happy Anniversary baby."

She smiled wide as she replied, "Happy Anniversary Tim. And you look great yourself."

He had dressed in slacks and a button up and pulled his long hair back into a ponytail. He thought about cutting it earlier in the week but Alyssa had protested against It, she liked his hair long.

He leaned in for a quick kiss and placed his hand on her thigh as he drove off to their destination.

They were seated in a booth in the restaurant and when he slid in next to Alyssa instead of sitting across from her, she immediately rested her head on his shoulder. He kissed her forehead and whispered in her ear, "I don't know how I'm going to behave myself with you in that dress."

She giggled before she lifted her head off his shoulders, "you can misbehave once we get back to your place."

They ate dinner while whispering naughty thoughts back and forth, Tim constantly rubbing his hand up Alyssa's thigh - teasing with how far he could go. He stopped when her skin began to flush, he didn't want to draw any attention to them, even though Alyssa whimpered when he removed his hand.

He smirked, knowing that it was going to be a long night. Once he had paid the bill he grabbed Alyssa's hand and led her back to the car. He opened the door for her to get in and no sooner had he made it around and gotten in the driver's seat that she grabbed his shirt collar to pull him in and kissed him hard. She wasn't usually so bold and assertive, in fact he couldn't remember her even initiating anything physical. She would seldom drop hints, but even those were rare occurrences.

When she pulled back she sat breathless for a second before whispering, "I really need you to take me out of this dress."

Tim smiled as he hit the pedal and drove them back to his place. He was careful to keep his hands off of her as he drove, he knew it would increase her need for him.

When they made it to the elevator of his building, they could barely keep their hands off each other. The teasing of the night had built up the anticipation and neither of them could wait anymore. Alyssa began to unbutton his shirt and kiss his chest softly as the elevator moved painfully slow to his floor.

When the doors opened he carried her bridal style down the hall to his door, her giggles sounding like music to his ears.

Once inside they wasted no time ripping each other's clothes off on the way to his bedroom. Tim led Alyssa to the bed and began tracing kisses all over her body as she squirmed with anticipation. He made it down to his favorite spot and found her dripping with anticipation. His hands had been teasing her thighs all night and now his mouth was going in for the kill. He loved the taste of her, and he loved how for the last six months the passion between them continued to ignite. His shy quiet girl was loosening up to him and getting comfortable sexually. Alyssa began to tremble as she dug her fingers in his hair, he knew she was close, her body flushing red, giving it away.

"Don't stop Tim. Don't," she couldn't even finish her sentence as Tim had inserted a finger to work in conjunction with his mouth. Her cries of pleasure filled the room but Tim refused to stop. He was intent on dragging out her pleasure as much as he could. He removed his mouth but inserted another finger, continuing to pleasure Alyssa. She squirmed as his fingers went to work, and soon she was crying out again, "Fuck Tim. Fuuuuuuck."

She tried to push him away but instead Tim went down on her clit again. She had barely come down from her last high when Tim could feel her clenching around his fingers again. Her moans filled up the room and when Tim was finally content he removed his fingers and stepped away from the bed. He smiled as he watched Alyssa breathing heavily, trying to regain control again. He would do this all night if he could - giving her pleasure was one of this favorite things to do.

He climbed up over her and began kissing her softly, letting her high come down completely. She smiled to break their kiss and dug her fingers in his hair. He nibbled down her neck and avoided any rough bites; he didn't want to leave marks on her.

As he made it down to her breast, her body arched against him. He knew the anticipation was killing her, and frankly, it was starting to kill him too.

He reached over to the nightstand to grab a condom and swiftly rolled it on as he aligned himself, ready to enter her in a swift motion.

She gasped and grabbed his forearms as he suspended himself slightly over her as he entered her. He didn't move, remaining still as Alyssa's breathing grew ragged. His mouth leaned down to meet hers as he pulled out just a bit and pushed right back in. His slow thrusting causing Alyssa to beg, "Oh my god Tim. Please." He smirked, he was enjoying every second of this. He sped up slightly and bought his mouth right down to her breast to suck lightly. She tightened her grip on his forearms and moaned softly. Tim was about to come - but he didn't want to end this just yet so he stopped abruptly. Alyssa's eyes shot open when he stopped, "Wait. What."

Tim smirked and slowly moved back, pulling her along with him, careful not to pull completely out. He sat with his legs stretched out on the bed, Alyssa sitting in his lap. Her breathing was deep and her hands immediately went to his hair as she moved her hips side to side.

Tim sucked in a deep breath at her movements. He loved being this connected to her. He gripped her hips to stop her movements for a minute.

"This. Right here. This connection is bliss." He held her as he nibbled on her neck. He just wanted to stay inside her for a bit. Alyssa began to beg him to continue and he pulled back from her neck and kissed her lightly, "Tell me what you want baby."

She whimpered lightly, "I need you to keep going Tim. I need to come. I need to see you come. Please."

He released his grip on her waist and she instantly began rotating her hips as Tim met every single one of her movements with slight thrust. He could feel the pressure mounting and before he knew he was squeezing Alyssa tight as his orgasm took over. She followed right behind him and they collapsed in a sweating mess.

After a few moments Tim went to discard the condom and came back with a wet washcloth to clean her up. Her smile could light up his soul right now. His heart fluttered a bit, the feeling was a bit intense. Every bit of this relationship was healing his heart - and he was ready to open it up again and truly love.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty Three

Title: Beginning of Forever: Chapter 43 Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: R

Two weeks had flown by and Alyssa had to fly back home. It had been two weeks secluded in the house, full of tears, hugs, and plenty of sex. Tim had found comfort in Alyssa's arms and he had used sex as a way to disconnect from painful emotions. She understood that everyone grieved differently, and connecting with her physically was soothing for him. It was just as soothing for her - the connection made her soul burn. She had never felt needed in the way she had felt needed by Tim in the last two weeks.

There had been no funeral and no viewing. Chris had left in his will that he wanted to be cremated and he didn't want anything done. Alyssa didn't know how much longer Tim would stay. His friend Kyle had been Chris's representative when he wrote his will and he let him know that the house would be his once it passed through probate. The entire process could take upwards of a year, but Tim didn't need to be present for it.

The last month had been tumultuous. She knew that Tim's mental health had to be in a bad state - even if he tried to hide it while she was with him. It couldn't have been easy for him to watch his dad deteriorate in front of him for two weeks and then lose him - all within a month of the anniversary of his brother's death.

Alyssa had arrived back home to tension. Her mom had called her various times while she was in Seattle but she let all the calls go to voicemail. She instantly went off that Tim had too much baggage - that it wasn't good for her. She immediately shut her down - everyone had baggage and Tim was great for her. She returned to work but it felt weird to try and be her cheerful self around her coworkers; she wasn't feeling it. They knew she was in her bubble and mostly let her be. Her so called friends weren't even aware of anything going on in her life. After their blow up, her mom had stayed out of her way since she got back and had been mostly cordial; but they weren't close for Alyssa to share how she was feeling.

It was weird how empty she felt. Tim was doing better at the long distance communicating - they spoke every afternoon; and before Alyssa went to bed for the night. She had spoken to Drew on her last day in Seattle to let him know that she was leaving and he promised to keep an eye on Tim for her. When she spoke to him again yesterday he mentioned that Tim was looking better. His eyes weren't bloodshot anymore and he was beginning to take better care of himself.

When her next day off came around Alyssa didn't know what to do with herself. Work had been a welcome distraction since it involved weird and long hours. It had occupied her days, leaving her mostly with time just to eat and sleep. She got in her car and drove to Tim's. She knew it would be empty and quiet, but being in his space gave her momentary comfort.

She had been snuggled in his bed attempting to read a book when she thought she heard the door open. She paused and stilled but didn't hear any other noise so she assumed it was noise coming from another unit. Before she could give it another thought the bedroom door began to open, startling her.

She rubbed her eyes fiercely because she couldn't believe it - Tim was standing in front of her. She jumped out of the bed and straight into his arms, wrapping her legs around his torso. He caught her easily as he buried his head in the nape of her neck.

He moved them towards the bed and sat softly, Alyssa still wrapped around him. Her hands immediately went to his face - she felt this was a dream, "Tim, what are you doing here?"

Tim smiled, "I mean, I thought I lived here."

Alyssa smiled and playfully swiped at his chest, "You know what I mean!"

Tim kissed her softly and when he broke the kiss she rested her head on his shoulder. "I wanted to come back. There's nothing there for me right now. Plus, you left something behind."

Alyssa raised her eyebrow at him and climbed off so that he could show her what he meant. He had left his luggage by the door and when he walked back into the room he was holding the faithful yellow duck. She had left it on his nightstand when she left Seattle, hoping it would bring him some of the comfort it had brought her.

Alyssa started laughing, "Poor little Duckie."

Tim placed it back on its usual spot on the nightstand and sat back on the bed, pulling Alyssa back into his arms. She smiled at his warm embrace and sighed happily, "I can't lie, I'm happy you're back. But I want you to take care of yourself, work on you.

She felt Tim squeeze her tighter, "And I'm gonna do that. I called my therapist to renew our sessions next week. But I also want to know that you're okay."

Alyssa pulled out of his embrace and stared to him, a look of confusion on her face, "What?".

He leaned in to kiss her softly, "Is this what you want? And please tell me the truth. I'm a mess, probably even more now. I don't want to take you down with me. I don't want to dull your spirit or dim your light, that's not fair."

She frowned as he spoke and wiped the tear that fell from the corner of her eye when he finished. "Tim. I appreciate you trying to look out for me. But trust me when I say that nothing makes me happier than being with you - regardless if that comes with bumps, bruises, and hard times. And you were right - we're both a little fucked up; lord knows I have my traumas and scars - but I want this."

Tim grabbed the duck from the nightstand and held it out for her, "I don't want your reason to be for this duck not to miss you."

The tears fell rapidly from Alyssa's eyes and she swallowed hard, "That's not fair Tim. My past is my past, just like yours is yours. And you don't have to carry my past with you. I've moved on from it."

Tim shook his head, "I don't believe you. Because I know I haven't moved on from anything in my past, and that's fine. But if you want me to allow you to help me, you need to allow me to be there for you. For whenever your past comes back, in whatever forms that may be."

Alyssa nodded and buried her head in his chest. It was astonishing to her how this man was going through so much in his life but still took the time to stop and make sure that she was okay. The feeling hugged her heart more than any physical interaction did. She had never had someone care for her like this, someone who put her first even when they were struggling themselves, someone who saw her even when they could barely see themselves.

But she would be okay. In the end she always was. She had learned to live like that a long time ago. She was just concerned about Tim now. This man needed all the support he could get right now. She crawled out from his embrace and laid down on the bed, bringing his head down to her chest. He wrapped his arms around her waist and allowed her to just caress him softly. Her hands running through his hair and up and down his arm. She just wanted to hold him like this forever and let him feel that she was here for him - that he wasn't alone and that there was someone there to care for him.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty Two

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 42) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: R

When they were both dry and dressed, they met up in the kitchen. Alyssa looked through his kitchen taking note of the supplies at hand.

"Are you looking for something?" Tim had walked in and found her digging through the fridge.

Alyssa shrugged, "Just looking to see what we need to get at the store".

Tim massaged the back of his neck slowly, "We can just order out. UberEat or whatever. And Drew or Sean can get us anything we need."

Alyssa stopped and stared at him for a minute, "Ummm, I think we should go to the stores ourselves."

Tim blinked twice before stammering, "I don't know. You can take the car though."

Alyssa looked out the window in the kitchen that overlooked the driveway underneath. "I have a hard time believing I can drive that truck. And a harder time believing that I would know where I'm going."

Tim smiled, "So let me know what you need and I'll ask Drew for it."

Alyssa looked at him in disagreement, "Tim".

Tim looked at her and sighed, "I'm sorry. I just don't think I can."

Alyssa leaned against the counters with her arms crossed, "Okay, are you going to tell Drew we need condoms. Because that was the last one I had."

Tim looked at her flabbergasted. He ran his hands through his hair and she could tell he was considering it. He finally looked defeated when he answered, "Okay. Let's go."

Alyssa hadn't expected him to accede so quickly. She looked down, she was in sweatpants and a t-shirt, just as he was, and flip flops. They looked like they were ready to spend the next week huddled indoors, but she knew this was going to be her only chance to get him out of the house right now.

He picked up his keys and fitted a hat tight over his face before grabbing some sunglasses and heading towards the door. It was evident to her that he was trying to hide. He didn't want anyone to recognize him. She followed behind him without saying a word, she didn't want him to change his mind.

When they got to the store they split up - Alyssa grabbed a cart and picked up as many things as she could, as fast as she could. She was looking for things that were easy to eat and weren't pure junk. But she also made sure to grab a few guilty pleasures as well. When she met up with Tim he only had a few personal items in his basket - including 3 boxes of condoms.

Alyssa couldn't help but laugh, "Seriously 3?" Tim just shrugged. He grabbed a package of toilet tissue and combined his basket with her cart and headed towards the checkout. He scanned and paid for all the items quickly before getting back in the truck in a hurry.

They sat there in the parking lot for a moment before Tim started the car. His breathing was ragged so she squeezed his hand tight to calm him down, "It's okay Tim. Its okay. Just drive home now. It's over".

Tim started the car and they drove back in silence. He helped unload the car and brought everything inside without saying anything. He sank on the couch while she put away all the perishables. She left the rest on the counter and went to the couch to give him a hug. He barely returned it.

"What happened in the store Tim?" She thought she had made some progress before they headed to the store - but maybe that was just the sex clouding her thoughts.

He looked at her, but his face was blank. There was no emotion and it felt more like he was looking through her. "Someone came up to me to say they were sorry about my dad. I don't know who she was - she was older, maybe an old coworker of my dad's. But it made it all real again."

Alyssa climbed into his lap and held him tighter, "It's always going to be real Tim. I'm not here to be a distraction for you from reality. I'm here to help you. I know it hurts. But don't shut me out."

She could see the tears welling in his eyes as she kissed the corners of them and a tear fell. "It's okay to cry Tim. It's okay to hurt."

He finally returned the hug and dug his head into her chest. He was hurting - hurting badly. She knew she was back to square one. He was swallowing everything up inside again. It wasn't going to be easy. She couldn't fathom what this man was going through right now - he hadn't just lost his father - he had lost his best friend, the one person in this world who had been with him through everything.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Forty One

Title: Beginning of Forever: Chapter 41 Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: NC-17

Alyssa and Tim were tangled in the sheets, the smell of sex in the air. It was a good thing she had that condom in her bag because she could tell that Tim really needed that release. Or maybe it wasn't the release, maybe he just needed that emotional connection. She wasn't sure, but whatever the case was, she was going to have to go out and buy more condoms. If she was lucky there was another one in the bag - and considering he asked her for one, that meant he didn't have any in this house.

Tim moved to squeeze her tighter; she had zero problems with being constantly wrapped in his arms. She loved the feeling - she had craved this connection all of her life, but she hated the circumstances around it. He still wouldn't tell her anything about how he was feeling - she wanted to be there for him, regardless of what he wanted from her right now. Their conversation had turned heavy, and she didn't know how her own past and trauma had gotten involved. For a minute she thought he was deflecting from himself.

She turned around to face him and gently cupped his face in her hands. He leaned in to kiss her, soft and sweet. "Want to take a shower?"

His forehead leaned against hers and a small smile appeared on his face, "I don't think I could get in the shower with you and have your hands all over me like that and not want to have you completely again."

The want that this man had for her right now was incredible. Alyssa didn't know if it was the grief, a coping mechanism, or his true desires, but she wasn't going to deny him. She got out of bed and headed for her bag, hoping she would find another condom inside. After much digging she did, the last one, and she held it up for Tim as she walked into the bathroom.

She turned on the shower and turned to see him standing in the door frame. His want was evident when she looked at him - she needed to get him clean and refreshed - and if shower sex would do that, then so be it.

She placed the condom on the closest shelf and walked in the shower with Tim walking in right behind her. Alyssa grabbed the shampoo from its spot and squirted it into her hands as she let the hot water spray over her. She lathered up her hair and quickly rinsed it off. She couldn't reach Tim, he was too tall, so she asked him to sit on the shower floor. He looked at her with confusion, but sat down anyways. She kneeled over him, carefully teasing him while taking advantage to lather his hair and get his long locks clean. Once she was satisfied she stood up and grabbed the loofah to lather it with body wash. She washed his body first - the bliss on his face was evident. She scrubbed every inch of his body clean, giving extra attention to his member, and soon he was taking the loofah from her and returning the gesture.

They were clean, but Alyssa knew they would have to scrub down again soon. The loofah fell from Tim's hands as his lips were on her neck and his arms around her waist, waiting to lift her up against the shower wall. Alyssa reached out and Tim followed her gaze, he grabbed the condom and she grabbed it out of his hand. The water was still falling hot over them when she fell to her knees to give his member extra attention. She rubbed his shaft up and down and teasingly licked around his balls, Tim's curses were filling the bathroom walls.

She ripped the foil open and slowly unrolled the condom onto him. She got up slowly and Tim's hand were instantly on her waist, joisting her up against the tile. She instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist and dug her hands into his wet hair. His lips were all over her in a frenzy. The sucking, the nibbling, the kisses - it all felt incredible to her.

Tim moved his cock up and down her slit, teasing her clit with the head before he slowly pushed in. Alyssa gasped as she usually did. She would never fully get used to the feeling of having him inside her, it was amazing. He withdrew long enough to tease her clit again and she moved her hips to try to capture him. Tim obliged, going harder and harder, both their senses wild with heated desire. The pressure was building deep within and she could feel Tim's body spasm. He penetrated her harder as her orgasm began to intensify. She knew he was close when his body began quaking and leaning on her for support.

Alyssa's body was filled with desire and she leaned back into him. He cupped her breasts, and kissed her neck, sending shivers through her body. His arms wrapped around her giving her an added warmth. When they both came down from their highs Alyssa laughed lightly, "I think we need another shower." Tim laughed, disposed the condom and grabbed the loofah to get them both clean again.

The water was cold by the time they were done but neither of them seemed to mind. Tim wrapped her in a towel first and then wrapped himself in a towel. Their hair was dripping as they stood there for a while, content to be in this space and moment together.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever - Chapter Forty

Title: Beginning of Forever (Chapter 40) Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - Tim Lincecum Rating: NC-17

Tim woke up and for a moment he thought everything was a cruel dream. He felt Alyssa's body on his and for a minute he felt better. He didn't know why but in the moment all he wanted to do was be with her - be connected with her.

He rubbed his hands up and down her back as she began to wake up. When she did he couldn't help but pin her down and passionately kiss her. He was hungry - hungry for her, for her touch, for her warmth.

Her giggles broke their kiss and Tim stopped. What was he even doing. He felt her hand on his face and opened his eyes to find her staring at him, "It's okay Tim."

Tim shook his head and moved to sit at the edge of the bed. Alyssa crawled behind him and wrapped her arms over his shoulders, "Talk to me Tim."

Tim dragged his hands through his hair in frustration, "I don't know. Everything is a mess, but fuck. Having you right there."

He craned his neck as Alyssa began massaging his shoulders. "Is it wrong to want you in this moment?"

He felt Alyssa bury her head in his neck as she whispered, "No Tim."

He instantly pinned her back on the bed and his mouth and hands were all over her. She pulled at his shirt and he immediately took it off but her hands on his chest caused him to freeze momentarily.

"Stop thinking Tim," her voice was the reassurance that he needed and we went to work removing both their clothes, his lips never leaving her body, her soft moans giving him fuel to continue.

Her hands pulled at his hair as his teeth pulled lightly on her nipples, his hands massaging her breast as her body curved into his. He moved his hands all over her body, getting reacquainted after what felt like forever. He used his knee to separate her legs and he was soon admiring how wet she was for him. He inserted two fingers inside her and felt her clench around him. He couldn't wait any longer, "please tell me you have a condom in your bag somewhere."

Alyssa nodded and Tim immediately left the bed to look for it. When he found it he wasted no time ripping the foil open and rolling the condom on. He couldn't wait, he needed this connection, he needed to feel something. He rushed back to her and swiftly entered her, her gasp at the suddenness of it caused goosebumps on his skin.

He slowed down, taking his time to savor every moment - Alyssa's nails softly digging in his skin, her breath heavy in his ear as he slowly moved in and out of her. He wasn't looking to find his release, just being inside her was satisfying enough, and he could sense his slow pace was adding to Alyssa's anticipation.

Tim's pace must have caused her frustration because she was soon turning him over, climbing on top, "Fuck Alyssa".

She rode him for several seconds before she leaned in to kiss him. Her circular motions were sending him closer to the edge; he didn't know how long he would last so he took advantage of the position to reach over and stimulate her clit. Her gasp was loud, causing him to smile. He established a rhythm that caused their kiss to become more passionate and her grinding motion to become deeper.

Alyssa's moans filled the room and he knew she was about to cum. He could feel her body clench around him and it sent him over the edge.

She collapsed in his arms, and he held her tight as he kissed the top of her head, his chest rising and falling with his heavy breathing. He was still inside her, and for the moment he had no intentions of moving. Her hand moved in circles on his chest, around his heart, as if she was trying to release the pain from his heart. They stayed intertwined for quite awhile before Tim finally moved to dispose of the condom.

He stood in the bathroom for a moment and took in his reflection in the mirror. There was some color back in his face, he couldn't deny that Alyssa being here was good for him.

He walked back into the bedroom to find Alyssa sitting up, the sheets wrapped around her. On his way back to bed he picked up the yellow duck that had been in her back. He climbed in next to her and extended the duck towards her.

"This duck. It's always meant something to you. That I kept it, that it was in my room."

Alyssa grabbed the duck, cuddled it in her arms, and then cuddled into his chest. He kissed her forehead and continued, "Why though?"

Alyssa shrugged and spoke softly without moving from his chest, "It's stupid."

Tim kissed her again softly, "Try me."

He heard Alyssa sniffle, as if she was holding back tears, "I saw a post online once - reason to live #4321, so that my stuffed animals don't miss me."

Tim held her tighter, "Baby."

He could feel Alyssa shake her head while still on her chest, "No. It's nothing. This isn't about me. I'm here for you right now, to comfort you."

He slowly tilted her chin up so that he could look in her eyes, "We can be here for each other."

Alyssa couldn't hold his gaze for long and looked away, "I'm okay now. It's just those little things still get to me. I mean, it was just a prize from the arcade - it has no real value, but you've always had him sitting on your nightstand, like if it meant something to you."

Tim kissed her again when she paused, "it does, because you gave it to me. And that means the world to me. And so you know, your presence alone gives me peace. Just having you here in my arms gives me comfort. You have no idea, how much it helps."

Alyssa pushed up softly on his chest and kissed his lips gingerly before settling back into his arms.

Tim smiled as he whispered in her ear, "maybe we're both a little fucked up and maybe that's okay. I don't need or want you to be perfect."

He was a mess, he knew it. But maybe she was too, and they could just be a mess together.

[alynicoleee]

Beginning of Forever: Chapter Thirty Nine

Title: Beginning of Forever: Chapter 39 Pairing: Tim Lincecum / OFC POV: Third Person - OFC Rating: R

Alyssa didn't know what to do or what to say. She could see Tim making an effort to engage with her but he seemed like a shell of himself.

She had quickly spoken to Drew and Sean when they dropped in to check on him. They told her how his dad had passed away 3 days ago and how Tim had barely eaten or moved since. Unfortunately they had seen him like this before. She had made sure to grab their numbers and promised to be in touch - they told her they would give her some space for the next few days but not to hesitate to call if she needed anything.

She had managed to persuade Tim to eat something, but the few bites of toast that he ate seemed to be a struggle for him. She fed him a spoonful of scrambled eggs and managed to get a small smile out of him when she pretended it was an airplane coming in for a landing. She decided maybe a smoothie would be easier and she was right - he gulped down the drink quickly which satisfied her, he needed something in his system.

"Ummm", Tim's mumble brought her out of her thoughts, "How long are you staying?"

She stared at him from across the kitchen island, "As long as you'll let me."

She didn't expect Tim to get up from his seat after she spoke but next thing she knew he was standing next to her, wrapping her in his arms. The hug was one of appreciation and need. His head rested on top of hers and she returned the hug with as much need as he did.

When they parted Alyssa looked up at Tim and wiped the tears that had started to fall. She could instantly see how he fell straight into her touch. "Do you want to talk? Do you want to go lay down? Do you want to take a shower?"

Tim leaned in and kissed her softly, "I'd really like to just hold you. Lay in bed."

Alyssa nodded, "Then that's what we'll do".

She went to grab her luggage but Tim reached it first, "I've been staying in one of the guest bedrooms downstairs. It was the one I always stayed in when I came to visit." He picked up her bags and she noticed him stop for a minute, when he looked back at her he was smiling. It was the first real smile she had seen from him.

"Really?"

Alyssa didn't understand what he was talking about but then he pulled the yellow duck out of her bag. She tried to hide her smile as she looked down at the floor, "Oops".

He walked over and kissed the top of her head, "It all started with a yellow duck."

She looked up to him still smiling, "Really? Because I thought it started with two Hi's over a dating app."

He wrapped her in his arms as he had done various times since she arrived and she looked up into his eyes. They were still bloodshot and the green of his eyes cloudy but he smiled as he spoke, "Hi".

She tiptoed to reach him easier and kissed him softly before replying, "Hi".

She followed Tim downstairs to the guest bedroom and paused in the door frame. The room was a mess. There were clothes and empty water bottles everywhere. The faint smell of weed lingered in the room - he had stopped since moving to Florida. Tim turned back to look at her and apologized. She stared at him but wasn't sure what she was looking at, he looked lost, disoriented.

Alyssa just shook her head, none of the mess mattered, and grabbed his hand to lead him to bed. They cuddled up close to each other - Tim holding her tightly as if he was scared to lose her too. And in that moment she couldn't help the tears that slowly fell from her eyes for the wonderful man that was holding on to her. Tim noticed and wiped her eyes as she shook her head again and whispered, "I wish I could take this pain away from you. I wish I could fix things, make it better, but I can't."

Tim squeezed her a little tighter before whispering back, "I wish you could too."