Update; 8/9/2017: Living in fear.
It’s been awhile since i’ve written a full fledged post, the truth of the matter is i’ve been scared. A few weeks ago my doctor ordered a bunch of test to make sure that there was no signs of any cancer returning. From that moment on my anxiety made me feel the same way I felt prior to my diagnosis in 2014. I walked into the hospital today expecting the worst, even with my positive outlook, my faith and knowing deep in my heart I was fine I was scared.
I have to thank my support system for always riding with me. Including my family, the beautiful lady god has placed in my life and the never fading hope I cling to that things can only get better. My brother Leo was reaching out to me regularly just to check on me and continuously told me I was fine. Bi felt what I felt and shared the burden of my emotions with me and was there to prop me up when I felt like not doing anything.
My amazing nurses and doctors assured me I looked great and my blood work was good. So when my oncologist turned from her computer and paused, my life almost flashed before me. Especially the last 2 and a half years of freedom and remission. The traveling with my friends, the laughs and the joy, felt like it could be ripped away from me again. The thought of having to do chemo, radiation or a stem cell procedure is too much.
“Your scan’s look great”