XENOLOGIST.

a thinker sees her own actions as experiments & questions — as attempts to find out something. success and failure are for her answers above all.

[alyxwen]

for the time being, the entire earth & the boundless sky -- @robyn-kane

[alyxwen]

date & time : december 8th 2178, 6:58 pm location : purgatory; canteen closed : @robyn-kane

Her surroundings wearied her most at the end of the day. The knowledge of her friends’ existence soothed her soul, but at the end of the day, even in Purgatory, all Alyx wanted to do was curl up with a report on Syringammina fragilissima on Nuddra. She was starved for science, for intellectual learning, and she could feel the rust, the cobwebs growing on her brain. However, science or no science, she still had to eat, and as her work day grew to an end she slipped into the stream of people heading towards the canteen.

Food acquired, Alyx analyzed the room with her eyes, spotting predators and prey -- apt descriptions in Purgatory even as they usually applied only to wild animals. There. Not a seat near any of her friends, but a seat that was safe, though it was entirely possible she’d lose her ears to Robyn’s chatter. Still, the other was as nonthreatening as a person could be (Alyx often wondered exactly how she’d ended up in prison, of all places) and so Alyx would survive another meal without fear for her life.

And so she wove her way through the tables, careful to give some a wide berth, while aware that others were safe to pass by so long as no eye contact was made. Robyn’s table was empty, save for her, and Alyx as placed her tray across from the other, she smiled tentatively, hoping the other wouldn’t take it as an invitation to begin conversation, and began to eat.

[alyxwen]

Theon never believed in gods or unknown source of powers, playing chess with their lives and doing as they wished with humans. He was a reasonable, intellectual, logical man. But oh, how in this instant, he wouldn’t mind getting on his feet and thanking whatever deity in the sky that kept Alyx Wren alive.

It was every birthday she’d ever had all at once; the manifestation of the hopes she’d dismissed as childish and silly. Joy, pure and simple, immutable, not silenced even by the peril ever-present of their surroundings. Alyx could survive anything, she knew, if Theon was by her side.

( @theonwyndham)

[alyxwen]

theonwyndham:

“Time of death : 09:48AM,” The doctor announced to the silent room and his assistants, which consisted today of Theon and a nameless, scared girl, started working again. “Send her to the morgue, make sure that nothing happens to the body and clean the room.” The sound of his gloves hitting the floor made Theon stop for a quick second, as his eyes surveyed the state of the room. The other girl zipped the black, formless bodybag and left her companion alone to make her way to the morgue. She would not come back to help him, Theon knew. The rule was to fend for oneself, to survive. The less boring work was just another part of it.

How weirdly did he missed his old coworkers, when nothing was ever left unplaced. He locked himself from accessing the memory path, not wanting to stumble onto those emotions once again. Theon needed to get his head out of the haze, focus on Purgatory’s life and rules. It seemed easier said than done, as nightmares kept him from having good nights of sleep and his survival instincts were never really high to start with. Work kept him going and alternating from medical to tech wards, it was easy to lose himself into and keep a blank state of mind.

Leaning down, he took the discarded gloves and placed it in the garbage can before cleaning the operating table and sterilizing it. Medical work was not much different from engineering and working on androids, he found. The equipment could be updated and Theon had made a few suggestions to the wardens, though he doubted much of them would be adopted. Sometimes it felt more like a facade, cleaning wounds and saving patients. Purgatory did not care much about its residents, it seemed. But that was okay, because the medical wards were still the less occupied, not much doctors out here doing bad enough deeds that would sanction them to a life sentence on Earth I. But still, Raven was teaching him the basics of cutting through human’s skin, and Theon had been pleased with himself when his hand had not tremble one time the first time he did it. Android’s skin, the one used on DATA and most of the androids and robots made at A.I., was of the highest quality and did, indeed, feel immensely human like. Even in its cutting likeability. The only differences were the heat, and the smell.

Theon scrubbed the table extra-clean, just to make sure that the scent of Death wouldn’t cling to the room. He only stopped for a second again when the doors opened and the janitorial worker walked in. Averting his eyes suddenly, not desiring to make any contact, he let the rest of the cleaning work to them and made his way to the computer, where the patient’s file would need to be updated. Several minutes passed, during which Theon felt less uncomfortable than he thought. The worker had her back turned, and the engineer suddenly couldn’t help but look at it. Familiar. The long line of her neck, defined with grace, as her hair were tightly put into bun. He was on his feet in record time, though unable to make another move.

What if he was wrong, what if it wasn’t her, what if…”Theon?”

With three steps forward, the distance between them dissipated and she was within reach. Theon never believed in gods or unknown source of powers, playing chess with their lives and doing as they wished with humans. He was a reasonable, intellectual, logical man. But oh, how in this instant, he wouldn’t mind getting on his feet and thanking whatever deity in the sky that kept Alyx Wren alive. “Alyx, you’re alive.” The words felt foreign on his tongue and emotions overflowed him. His hand still hovered over her arm for a minute, before he let go and placed his against the harsh fabric of her uniform. He could feel the heat of her body underneath, a proof that she was indeed there, not a ghost coming to guilt him from being alive while a lot of the others probably weren’t. “I thought-” The words broke in his throat and he closed his mouth, still looking at Alyx’s face, wondering when it would disappear into the thin air.

Alyx felt like she’d been simultaneously punched in the stomach and made the discovery of her career.

It was every birthday she’d ever had all at once; the manifestation of the hopes she’d dismissed as childish and silly. Joy, pure and simple, immutable, not silenced even by the peril ever-present of their surroundings. Alyx could survive anything, she knew, if Theon was by her side. Only moments ago, she’d been near hopeless, entirely alone, but now it was if her entire world had changed once again. For the first time in her life, Alyx Wen thanked the gods, and the universe, every pantheon she knew & those belonging only to history, as this encounter felt like nothing less than a miracle.

“I thought so as well.” The words were choked, emotion preventing clarity as she looked at her friend, tracing every detail with her mind as if to imprint it in permanence. She could feel his hand on her chest, feeling her heartbeat, and swept up in the moment, Alyx took a step forward, removing all distance between them, and wrapped her arms around him in a hug. While undeniably awkward given her unfamiliarity with such expressions of emotion, the feeling of him in her arms, alive, is transformative. “I missed you.” Theon could not see her face, and so she was comfortable admitting it. Her smile was jubilant, brown eyes tear-filled, and she had never been happier in her life.

She drew back, examining him once more. He appeared unhurt, and with a return to manners and propriety, Alyx cleared her throat. “It is good to see you well, Doctor Wyndham.” But even she could not keep emotionless when such happiness stood before her, and there was little disguising the relief in the way her shoulders sagged or the tears that ran down her face. He was alive! She had mourned him, cried herself to sleep at the loss of him, and yet here he stood, before her.

“What of our friends?” Alyx had thought them all lost, yet Theon’s existence called all her assumptions in to question. She feared to regain hope, feared the way her heart would break if she hoped and then lost the rest of the crew, and yet she knew. With Theon here on Purgatory, no matter how terrible it was, she was home.

[dallascosta-blog]

GOOD MORNING, PURGATORY

DATE: January 13th, 2179 TIME: 8:17 AM LOCATION: Canteen STATUS: Open

His knuckles were caked in crimson. A welt lined his left cheekbone, getting darker by the second; likely to turn black by lunch. It would be a cold day in hell when Dallas Costa wasn’t maimed in some way, with a bruise on his jaw or a finger in need of splintering, but then again, most would say this is hell. And most would be miserable in a place such as this, each day more difficult than the last. 

But Dallas wasn’t most people. 

Here, he thrived. The type of man to succeed where others struggled, he’d made a name for himself. And though wrangling up the unruly beasts that surrounded him had proven to be an arduous task, he still put them to his use. He’d trained those in need of it and conditioned the rest. He’d turned mere men into warriors—into gods. He wrung out the past in his name (its previous meaning worthless in a place like this) and wore it anew. Passed it around like a badge of honor for those lucky enough to be chosen to fight. 

And he was good at it. All on his own. For once in his life, it was something he made. Something he created from scratch, the only help coming from him and him alone. 

If only his father could see him now. Despite the fact he was currently dressed in a Beta level uniform and had a dirty metal tray filled with inedible sludge in his hands, he’d hoped his father was proud of him. The bastard that he was, even dead and buried six feet down, Dallas still wanted—still wished for his blessing; still craved the monster’s approval. 

Turning his head, he cracked his neck, willing the rare emotions to secede back beneath the surface, to retreat back to where the belong. And just as quick as they came, he pushed them away with a flippant cock to his head, a smile spreading across his lips as he zeroed in on an empty seat. He plopped down in a huff, the goo on his tray splattering atop the metal table.

I shoulda gotten the eggs, he whined quietly, lifting his leg over the bench. 

He looked to his left first, head glancing over each shoulder before leaning into the individual across from him. His eyes dazzled, the hint of a smirk dancing along his upper lip. “I’ll trade you,” he whispered, index finger pointing from his dish to theirs. “C’mon,” he crooned, words drawling from his mouth like honey. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

[alyxwen]

Mornings were a difficulty, every day. Though as time had passed, she’d grown more and more aware of her living crewmates’ existence, and thus gained a greater sense of safety and happiness within Purgatory, Alyx had yet to grow accustomed to her surroundings, and frequently woke with the concept that she was above the Concord, and it was disheartening every time.

The current of prisoners ebbed and flowed, putting Alyx in mind more of fish than sentient beings. She followed them, careful to avoid bumping in to, and therefore antagonizing, any of her fellow prisoners, but equally careful to assert her presence, and avoid showing any weakness. Taking what vaguely resembled scrambled eggs (though she didn’t recognize the colour of the yolk, and questioned what animal could possibly have laid them) without complaint, turning to scan the room for an empty seat, far from those she’d already mentally noted as predators. That one would do, in the absence of her friends, and a metal tray thumps down, opposite a man she did not recognize.

"I’m not opposed to a trade.” Cairo had undeniably worked magic in the kitchen, had turned what was purportedly inedible slop into something far better, however the texture of food belonging to the man across from her was undeniably unappealing. To Alyx, though, who’d lived through scientific expeditions on rather nasty rations, food was food, and an opportunity could prove valuable. She raised an eyebrow, curious as to what he could offer within the confines of Purgatory. “Is that so? What are you offering?” Her tone is challenging, but not antagonistic -- she is much smaller than he, and prison had made her particularly aware of how vulnerable she was to physical violence. Wrotham, at least, she’d been able to run away; had known the terrain and safe locations.

Safe was a relative term in Purgatory, and Alyx refused to let herself forget that. And this man in particular, blood-covered hands and bruised face, was clearly capable of violence. She would do her best to avoid that being directed towards her.

[alyxwen]

date & time : november 10th 2178, 6:37 pm location : purgatory; septima’s office closed : @septimacrane

This was an uncertainty, something Alyx hated above much else. To seek out company, aid, from a person she did not know, whose motives and personality were discussed only in whisper spoke to the levels of hopelessness she felt. Even the most proud of creatures must seek help when wounded and alone; desperation was a motivator for any sentient species, and humans were no different. Even now, only two days in from her arrival at Purgatory, grief at the deaths of her crewmates and friends still raw, terrified already at the savagery of her fellow inmates, she felt lost, uncertain of the viability of the path she’d trod for so long.

Her work provided little mental distraction from the painful quandaries plaguing her mind, tedious as it was. Sweeping, scouring tiles -- they were far from her area of expertise, frustrating in their simplicity, and so Alyx instead distracted herself through listening to the talk of the other inmates. Some of the chatter was inane, some threatening, some suggestive, and only a little was actually valuable to her. Talk of a person of high intelligence, who bordered on obsessive about science, who ruled Purgatory. Throughout the day, Alyx asked quiet questions, gleaning what tiny fragments of information she could about them, the most fragmented, fragile hope growing within her. Alone as she was, the idea of perhaps working with, or even for this person was far more appealing than the drudgery she was now tasked with. It would be a way to build a new life, perhaps.

It was in front of this enigma’s door she now found herself, face pale with nerves, but blank with the control Alyx worked so hard to exercise. If she believed in a god she would have thanked them for this chance, for the ease of manipulation and flirtation it took to convince the guard to guide her here, and for the whispers she’d heard. This was an opportunity it was uncertain if she would ever get again, and so as she stepped in to the room, graceful and almost elegant despite the prisoner’s uniform, back straight, neutral smile sliding on to her face instinctively. “I am unknown to you, I believe, but as a woman of science, I had some hope that I may be of use, and I thank you for the opportunity to speak with you. My name is Alyx Wen, and I have a doctorate in Xenology, as well as several other degrees in related fields. I was informed that our areas of interest intersect.”

[alyxwen]

What your character does when they wake up

19 - what alyx does when she wakes up:

“In my non-prison existence, I would put the kettle on, shower while it boils, and then make tea. While the tea brews, I dress for the day. Once the tea is brewed, I eat a small breakfast while reading the daily scientific news, and then leave for work, or the day’s errands. Here, in Purgatory, I eat breakfast, and begin the day’s drudgery.”

05 - a memory that alyx wishes to erase:

“None. If I lost a piece of my memory, it would be losing a piece of valuable information that has shaped me into the person I am, and to give up information is a grave sin.”

08 - something that makes your character laugh:

( already answered! )

[purplebuddhaproject]

The mind is as big as the universe.

Helen Keller (via purplebuddhaproject)

[alyxwen]

01, 10, 12, 20

01 - a memory from alyx’s childhood

“I was approximately fourteen years old, and Matíashad been instructing me about animal anatomy. I found a stray cat while returning home from school, and she had a broken leg. With his help, I cleaned her, and created a little cast for her. After a month, her leg was repaired, and I removed the cast.” A little smile plays around Alyx’s mouth, a rare thing. “I remember the meows were almost squeaks, and how tentative she was as she moved, before realizing that she could walk. She was quite old, and she only lived for a few more years, but it was incredible to see her healing process, and know that it was as a result of my actions.”

10 - something that turns alyx on

( answered! )

12 - describe your character’s parents

“My mother was a scientist. I believe if she’d had the luck I had as a child, with regards to recognition of my intelligence leading to sponsorship at school, than she would have done wonderful things as an adult. As it was, her family’s origins in the Free States, she didn’t have the chance. She liked to tell me stories, of my father, of her childhood, and she always wore her hair cropped short. Matíasknew her from when she was only twenty, and he would tell me that I looked like her.”

“My father’s name was Kija, and I never met him. My mother told me he was a smuggler from Vrada, that he was handsome, that they both knew he wouldn’t stay on Wrotham with her. I have a few images of him, but I’m uncertain if he’s still alive. Given his career of choice, I’d say it’s unlikely.“

20 - what your character is like at social events

“I’ve been told I’m acceptable at small-talk. As a scientist, acquiring funding often requires a certain amount of mingling in crowds, charming people. I wouldn’t call myself ‘charming’, but I’m passably affable. I’d much rather not attend a social event, however if the need exists, I’ll suffer with minimal complaints.”

[alyxwen]

date & time : november 21st 2178, 11:06 am location : purgatory; medical closed : @theonwyndham

Like a river wearing a stone down to a pebble, grief and loneliness wore on her, each day within Purgatory passing more like an eternity. Alyx’s assigned work chafed at her, the banality of cleaning day after day almost offensive in its lack of required intellect. She tried, tried to keep her head down, to interact minimally, if at all, and to simply survive, in an atmosphere quite hostile to her continued existence. Not her first time in such a situation, however wild jungles filled with dangerous alien beasts would be far preferable to the cage she now found herself in. Her time with Septima was the sole escape from the drudgery that served as her main function, but even that only assuaged her boredom, doing nothing to aid the pangs in her heart that surfaced whenever she contemplated her fellow crewmates aboard the Concord.

She thought she saw them among the inmates occasionally, heart leaping at the sight of a woman with long, black hair like Kallia’s, at a young person with DATA’s slim frame, and once, at the sight of a person so similar to Orion in Alyx’s hopeful vision that she almost smiled with joy. But they blinked, and the illusion, born of desperation, was shattered -- nothing but a lookalike. It was crushing, but as time wore on Alyx learned to simply ignore them. Do not acknowledge the man who could pass for Pyre’s twin, or the woman who was simply a taller Cosima, that made it easier. Alyx could not even muster up the thought of escape, resigned to try a life from where she was, anguished heart slowly accepting the knowledge that her friends were gone.

Assignments to various locations at the very least served as some change in her daily routine, and so when she was informed that the day’s assignment was the medical lab, there was little argument from the woman as she retrieved her equipment -- slightly different than usual given the bio-hazardous nature of the detritus she’d be cleansing. Alyx was absorbed into her routine, hair tied back into a crisp bun so as to stay out of her way, and once-beautiful face a little worn from time and violence. Purgatory changed a person. With a turn, she retrieved several used pipettes, placing them in the disposal compartment with little regard for the man she saw out of the corner of her eye. He would harass her, or he would not, there would be little difference in the outcome whether or not she spoke to him. Though the way he moved felt familiar to her, with their mutual existence within such a sterile environment putting her at ease, she still did not acknowledge him.

It was only when she turned fully, seeing his face in full, the familiar eyes so gray-green-blue and his slim form instantly recognizable. Her tools slipped from her hands as brown eyes widened, heart pounding wildly in her chest and emotions like a whirlwind in her mind. She could barely believe her eyes; having been cheated by them so many times before, and yet here he was, Theon, in front of Alyx, hale and as healthy as could be expected and alive. Words slipped out, almost whispered for fear that she’d gone mad with grief, that she was hallucinating or that this was simply some cruel form of torture or the result of a blow to the head she’d never felt coming. “Theon?”

[alyxwen]

numbers 6-10!

06 - something that makes your character angry

“Stupidity frustrates me beyond most other things.”

07 - something that makes your character happy

“Success. Discovery. The idea that I now possess knowledge previously unknown to me, and to civilization.”  

08 - something that makes alyx laugh

She half-shrugs at the questioner. “I’m capable of laughing at many different things, if I’m in the mood for it.”

09 - something that frightens alyx

“…Once I would say that I was frightened most by the idea of death with my work unfulfilled, to vanish into nothingness without having had an impact on the world. Today I’ll simply say that same fear, when combined with the death of those I care about.”

10 - something that turns alyx on

“Intelligence and passion.”

[alyxwen]

Character Development

SEND ME A NUMBER AND HELP ME DEVELOP MY CHARACTER

Memories

01: A memory from your character's childhood

02: A memory from your character's teenage years

03: A memory from your character's career

04: A memory that your character cherishes

05: A memory that your character wishes to erase

Emotions

06: Something that makes your character angry

07: Something that makes your character happy

08: Something that makes your character laugh

09: Something that frightens your character

10: Something that turns your character on

People

11: Describe your character's childhood friend

12: Describe your character's parents

13: Describe your character's former lover

14: Describe your character's present best friend

15: Describe your character's worst enemy

Activities

16: What your character does on a day of

17: What kind of books your character reads

18: What kind of music your character likes

19: What your character does when they wake up

20: What your character is like at social events

[alyxwen]

➳ who do you miss most, of those who died?

Control. Alyx held tight to it, the knowledge that any vulnerability, any weakness, could very literally prove fatal serving as a rein to the rage that threatens within her. She has always been a cold woman, and her anger is no different, like liquid hydrogen coating her lungs, preventing her from breathing and numbing her body. Her hands were fists at her sides, cold fire within her urging her to lash out, strike someone or something -- a mistake she’d made once already in her time in Purgatory, and not one she was keen to make again.

Instead, nails dig into her palms, not enough to draw blood or break skin but certainly enough to hurt her. Her face is a practised blank, brown eyes empty as they gaze into the distance, but something like tears brims in her eyes, not spilling. So many gone. Theon’s continued existence stands a bright spark within the darkness, but there’s another face she longs for, someone she longs beyond anything to see. Hope is a rotten thing, though, and Alyx knows it’s a lie she’s given herself in order to keep from shattering.

“Orion.” There was no explanation to be offered, no supplemental information for the questioner, beyond the tears that finally begin to fall, streaming down her cheeks silently.

[alyxwen]

✧

SEND ME A ✧ AND I’LL BOLD ALL THAT APPLY TO YOUR MUSE.

I would kill you. ✧ I would physically hurt you. ✧ I would attack you unprovoked. ✧ I would manipulate you. ✧ I dislike you. ✧ You annoy me. ✧ You scare me. ✧ You intimidate me. ✧ I hope I intimidate you. ✧ I pity you. ✧ You disgust me. ✧ I hate you. ✧ I’m indifferent toward you. ✧ I’d like to get to know you better. ✧   I’d like to spend more time with you. ✧ I’d like to be friends with you. ✧  I’m unsure what to think of you. ✧ I’m unsure how I feel about you. ✧ You are my friend. ✧ You are my best friend. ✧ You are my mentor. ✧ I look up to you. ✧ I respect you. ✧ You are my hero. ✧ You inspire me. ✧ You are my enemy. ✧ You make me happy. ✧ I want to protect you. ✧ I would fight by your side. ✧ I consider you an equal. ✧ I think you are beneath me. ✧ I think you are above me. ✧ I would lie for you. ✧ I would lie to you. ✧ I would sleep with you. ✧ I would sleep by your side. ✧ I would hug you. ✧ I would kiss you. ✧ You are family to me. ✧ I would die for you. ✧ I would kill for you. ✧ I would trust you with my life. ✧ I would trust you with my most precious belonging. ✧ I would trust you with a secret. ✧ I would trust you with my biggest / darkest secret. ✧ I love you (platonically). ✧ I love you (romantically).

[nobodynothin-deactivated2016070]

Send me a ➳ + a question for my muse’s answer!

[museinspo]

nobodynothin:

Go ahead, ask my muse anything for an honest answer.

[draconicwrites]

— “ Alyx Wen, preferably Doctor Wen if you feel you must speak to me. If it isn’t urgent, please leave me to my work, in peace and quiet. Particularly if we’re in the field, as I enjoy my head on my shoulders rather than detached by a giant, flesh-eating Arthropod, that I missed because I was being chattered at by a moron. That’s all, thank you. ”

[alyxwen]

METAMORPHOSIS / a second chapter.