Oh, the Cleverness of me!

Amanda. Just trying to figure things out but in the mean time I've decided to watch way too much television.

[amandaandtheneverlandpirates]

Next time you want to know if we can be friends again...

Go ahead and say what you're gonna say Give it to me straight, don't sugarcoat it Go ahead and do what you're gonna do We're already done, I already know it So you can take your new blonde out to get your drink on For everyone to see But you don't get to get to me I wear my pain like stilettos As bad as it may hurt, no, you'll never know I keep walking with my head up, putting on a show And fronting like nothing is wrong I talk the talk like I'm a tough girl 'Cause there ain't room for weakness in a rough world That keeps saying you were never enough, girl, Yeah, when you get burned, you learn to be strong I wear my pain like stilettos So I ain't staying down, tonight I'm going out Yeah, even if I have to fake it A little black dress to cover my mess So you won't know my heart is breaking Pull myself together from the fallout of forever For everyone to see No, you don't get to get to me I wear my pain like stilettos As bad as it may hurt, no, you'll never know I keep walking with my head up, putting on a show And fronting like nothing is wrong I talk the talk like I'm a tough girl 'Cause there ain't room for weakness in a rough world That keeps saying you were never enough, girl, Yeah, when you get burned, you learn to be strong I wear my pain like stilettos Yeah, I wear my pain like stilettos Oh, oh, whoa, oh, whoa Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh I wear my pain like stilettos As bad as it may hurt, no, you'll never know I keep walking with my head up, putting on a show And fronting like nothing is wrong I talk the talk like I'm a tough girl 'Cause there ain't room for weakness in a rough world That keeps saying you were never enough, girl, Yeah, when you get burned, you learn to be strong I wear my pain like stilettos I wear my pain like stilettos Oh, oh, whoa, oh, whoa Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa Whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh Yeah

[amandaandtheneverlandpirates]

[amandaandtheneverlandpirates]

I woke up a few years ago after taking too many pills and decided to move home and get the help I needed.

I got that help and woke up one day to realize I hated the guy I was dating though I was crazy about him just a few days prior.

I woke up recently to find that I am happy and healthy in all aspects of my life other than my marriage. 

My depression has created so many short blurs in my life. I suddenly realize that I made countless big decisions for my life while I was asleep behind the wheel. 

I am awake now, but groggy, as I try to clean up the mess I created when I felt undeserving of my wildest dreams. 

[amandaandtheneverlandpirates]

Can we ever be friends again?

I don’t go on here any more but we probably could be if you weren’t an anon.

[kikidoodle]

OH!  I just realized that I never uploaded all of these! These were the Peter Pan illustrations I did for Storytime Magazine back much earlier in the year!  The story had a LOT more text than the last one I did for them, so I designed the wallpaper to fade away under the text so the whole story could be kept in darker tones.  I felt it would lose some of the magic if pages were mostly white with very obviously trimmed illustrations. This was a SUPER fun assignment, and I was proud to be a part of it!  This was for Issue 11

http://www.storytimemagazine.com/

[aerofish]

[thewaltdisneygifs]

[amandaandtheneverlandpirates]

I'm not worried that I won't be praised for picking up other people's slack or being there for everything even if I'm only his step-mom.

I'm ready to fight the battles that it will take to get our family together. 

But I'm afraid of losing. I'm afraid that I won't be able to deal with her being manipulative and controlling of a man she doesn't even respect, though he is the father of her son, not to mention my whole world, my rock, and my husband. 

I don't know how to deal with people who hurt me and upset me. I can't just remove her from my life, like everyone else who pisses me off.

I need strength. I need to have the strength to stand on my own against her when she tries to tear me and my family down.

[francescapapa]

[niconiconiko]

I love the atmosphere created by the moon light on this.

[wordsthat-speak]

Yesterday, I spent 60 dollars on groceries, took the bus home, carried both bags with two good arms back to my studio apartment and cooked myself dinner. You and I may have different definitions of a good day. This week, I paid my rent and my credit card bill, worked 60 hours between my two jobs, only saw the sun on my cigarette breaks and slept like a rock. Flossed in the morning, locked my door, and remembered to buy eggs. My mother is proud of me. It is not the kind of pride she brags about at the golf course. She doesn’t combat topics like, ”My daughter got into Yale” with, ”Oh yeah, my daughter remembered to buy eggs” But she is proud. See, she remembers what came before this. The weeks where I forgot how to use my muscles, how I would stay as silent as a thick fog for weeks. She thought each phone call from an unknown number was the notice of my suicide. These were the bad days. My life was a gift that I wanted to return. My head was a house of leaking faucets and burnt-out lightbulbs. Depression, is a good lover. So attentive; has this innate way of making everything about you. And it is easy to forget that your bedroom is not the world, That the dark shadows your pain casts is not mood-lighting. It is easier to stay in this abusive relationship than fix the problems it has created. Today, I slept in until 10, cleaned every dish I own, fought with the bank, took care of paperwork. You and I might have different definitions of adulthood. I don’t work for salary, I didn’t graduate from college, but I don’t speak for others anymore, and I don’t regret anything I can’t genuinely apologize for. And my mother is proud of me. I burned down a house of depression, I painted over murals of greyscale, and it was hard to rewrite my life into one I wanted to live But today, I want to live. I didn’t salivate over sharp knives, or envy the boy who tossed himself off the Brooklyn bridge. I just cleaned my bathroom, did the laundry, called my brother. Told him, “it was a good day.

A Good Day (Kait Rokowski)

[amandaandtheneverlandpirates]

Men: I'm sorry but you can't possibly work out so hard you push every bit of woman out of you. But hey, you might be lucky and one day be strong enough to create life with your body or bleed for a few day without dying. There is so much woman in my body and I'm so proud of it. It's strong and smart and powerful and the reason I'm thriving in this world full of ignorant fucks I'm usually not a raging feminist but wow that pissed me the fuck off. Think before you talk.

[cleffairie]

i feel like once you were emo in middle school youre low key emo for the rest of your life, like you could be 20 in the middle of college wearing uggs or whatever but once you hear the first key to the black parade/i write sins/sugar we’re going down you sprout an imaginary fringe and start yelling your lungs out like its 2007 all over again

[bretonvirginia]

[frankoceanfanclub]

GO OFF

[amandaandtheneverlandpirates]

It's funny how even when I'm over high school and moved on with my life, I still can't stand but weirdly idealize bitchy high school girls. I refuse to wear Pink because of the people it reminds me of. Maybe it's not just high school girls but then sorority girls too. Dreams really do make you realize all those thoughts you internalize so deeply you don't realize you have.

[amandaandtheneverlandpirates]

Only I would fuck up this much. Why can't I have a job where I always work the same schedule so I can't get mixed up all the time?? Oh that's right because I'm still in college and don't have my shit together yet!

[mugglebornheadcanon]

895. Muggleborns wonder why there’s a large group of friendly, teenage ghosts around Hogwarts. They’re led by a funny boy with red hair and one ear who likes to joke around with Peeves, and he always says that they’re Dumbledore’s Last Army. 

[attractionns]

You don’t understand how much you’ll miss their voice, until you realize how long it will be until you hear it.

A.G. (via suspend)