TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

a blog for me to express all my thoughts

[amandaelisablog]

A RANT THAT IS TMI

I need to vent because life gets heavy sometimes and it’s hard to be alone in your mind with these things. I’ve found that doing this gives me an outlet and hopefully finding others who feel as I do. So back in November I had a work injury and forgot to send in a report about it. I didn’t have insurance at the time due to how expensive it was which sucks because you get a penalty charge on your taxes for being uninsured. It’s an unfair thing to the hardworking folks who put in time for crap pay and even work under poor conditions or strenuous physical demands. Having your government say, hey you work, you pay your taxes but you fucked up by not being able to pay for insurance. Anyway, so I got through the whole process to get this checked out, find that it’s a sprain in my knee that hasn’t healed since November, it’s now March. They pay for the urgent care visit, the sports injury doctor, the MRI proving the injury and then deny the claim for physical therapy because I didn’t report it when it happened. What was the point of going through all of this for three months if you knew this and still paid for those tests? Not only that but my company told the worker comp that they called the family I work for (I’m a care provider for people with disabilities) and said that the family said they didn’t know anything about it. It’s all bullshit because the day it happened I told the parents, plus me and the mom are very close and she would have told me right away if someone had called her. She doesn’t hide or keep things from me, she considers me family.

It has put a bad taste in my mouth over my company and the way they deal with things like this. I am a hard worker, I even stayed that day on two twisted ankles, a messed up knee, hip and arm. I was there 8 hours and couldn’t do much with the child I work for due to all the pain I was in, so our activities were floor or table based. On normal days we play and work on habilitation which can be physically demanding and that wasn’t possible. So now after all of that I still have a messed up knee and three months of wasted time. If I had known that this was going to be the outcome of this I would have used my insurance, though I didn’t learn of this insurance until after I started the claim process. It had been active since December which would have been nice to know but again what can you expect from the way that Arizona department services are run.

If the can get out of spending any money on a person they will find a way, which is what Copper Pointe did, it was easy for them to deny it and for my company to throw it and lie about doing a more in depth search on my claims. I am a truly honest person and find that there isn’t a reason to lie about things, especially something like this. The only reason I had informed my manager was to find some information on what happens if I were to have surgery on my knee due to the extreme pain, as well as others in my life who had the exact same pain in that area. I wanted to know if they offered any kind of time off. I like to cover every base I can in order to avoid losing out on pay. I barely make it every month and each month is so anxiety inducing. If it came down to missing work for this or just living with it I would have just left it alone. This is how the world works and it’s your word against those of higher power. You will always be in the wrong because they get final say.

My second issue is this. Since I just got insurance I’ve established a PCP, OBGYN etc. First of all my PCP is making it real easy for me to drop her and find someone else with more consideration. I take medications for anxiety, depression and a mood disorder, which they can’t decide is bipolar or not. I need them badly and after a few days the effects are obvious. Pretty soon it will be hard for me to drive or get out of bed. My mood is very manic as I go through these cycles, it so disorientating and damaging to my job if it happens then. I still have to work and it’s hard, so hard. How the hell am I supposed to even get to work if I can’t drive a straight line or keep the fogginess at bay?

Anyways, so she told me any times since seeing her she would refill these medications. I even brought a paper from a free clinic I had been going to. It had all the information they needed in order to record this and the phone number to the place to verify. Two different people took this information down. The front desk girl took the paper and wrote it down as well as the doctor’s assistant who I watched type every single one into my file on the computer. I was there 7 days ago and told her I needed them refilled since I had one more left of each of them. She said she would send them out that day. I waited and waited but never got the text from my pharmacy saying they were filled so I called the pharmacy thinking maybe they didn’t send it yet. They had no record of it being sent over.

So called my doctor’s office and the girl I spoke to seemed like she didn’t know anything. I explained to her three times the situation and she claimed she couldn’t find any record of these medications, the ones I made sure to give them straight away to avoid this. I called every day since and still nothing, after the third day she magically found the medications and was waiting for doctor approval and for the quantity and mg, which had given the second day calling. I even called today and got the same damn thing from when I first called. I’ve been out of medications for about five days and feel like shit. It has really made me feel as though I made the wrong choice in a provider. I am considering finding someone different who will take things seriously and do their job. Luckily the family I work for is on vacation and I have this time to be in this depressed anxious state.

The last thing on my list here and this is going to get personal, a lot of tmi. I went to my new OBGYN and did all the fun tests you get to do that are both uncomfortable and awkward. After all the tests the doctor sat down with me and said matter of fact, you guys don’t plan on having kids I see. I was taken aback by this because we do plan on having kids just not right now as our money situation isn’t the best. I told her this and she look at me with concern and I didn’t understand what was going on. She explained to me that due to my age, weight and birth control that this factors are working against us conceiving. That was a huge punch to the gut and I wasn’t expecting to hear that. So she hooked me up with this woman who is helping me to lose weight and I’ve lost 6 so far which is a great feeling. But due to this whole business with my meds I am having a hard time not falling back to eating to fill that void. So far I haven’t but I want to.

Anyway, so I had another problem that had to be checked. This is where it gets personal. I got my nips pierced a few years ago, after a year they got infected, did the whole antibiotics thing and it seemed to have gone away. But about a year or so ago I started feeling pain and something hard inside of it. Because I didn’t have insurance it been a struggle to deal with this. On the pain scale it’s about a 7 to 8 some days. The doc didn’t find anything upon inspection but decided to send me to get an ultrasound. So did that and they found an abnormality inside? Just think if she hadn’t sent me and it got worse. I got sent to a specialist who gave me three options, 1 was to leave it alone, 2 was antibiotics and the last option is removing the damaged tissue, which is last because it’s the worst one on the list. So I’m on antibiotics for two weeks then I wait 3 months to make sure it’s gone before we visit the last option. So this is the last option, we remove the damaged tissue which will cause the nerves inside to die and cause the nip to cave in making it an unusable source of feeding a baby.

This all happened within two weeks and its weighing heavy on me. This is where I feel the most alone; no one knows or can understand this feeling I have. It feels like some kind of punishment from the universe or something. To know that I might not be able to have kids but even if I do I basically have a shutdown boob. I’m very old school and feel as though breastfeeding creates a bond with mother and child, it’s important. But it feels as though all my dreams are dashed and the only thing I can do is sit and watch. I’m trying though, to at least lose weight, this has been a great motivator for me to get on the ball. But who can say if this one thing will help in the end? I’m 30 which isn’t old but it is a concern, due to the fact that we might not even start until our mid to late 30s.

“The miscarriage rate is 11.7 percent. By age 30 your risk of having a baby with Down syndrome is 1 in 952, and a baby with any chromosomal abnormality, 1 in 385.” – parenting.com How can I do that to a child? Knowing this is a possibility? Now before you get all uppity there isn’t anything wrong with down syndrome or anything but with the knowledge I have on this how can I be selfish and not give my child a chance of being born healthy? This study is just for age 30, but considering when we decide to have children it probably won’t be until after 35 if that.

“This is the age when your doctor might recommend amniocentesis or some other prenatal screening—which for many women is anxiety-provoking while they await results—because the risks of having a baby with Down syndrome or another type of chromosomal disorder begin to rise significantly.” – parenting.com.

“The miscarriage rate rises after age 35 to close to 18 percent. Rates of stillbirths are about twice as high among older pregnant women than younger ones, according to recent studies, although the reasons are unknown.” – parenting.com

The above are my concerns and at that point do I even take that risk? I get tired of hear people say, well so and so had a healthy baby at 45. Good for her, but all woman’s bodies are different and you can’t base my situation on someone else. Based on my own body I feel like there is a greater chance of the above happening.

It’s been hard to accept this as a possible reality considering I’ve found a man I love who I want to have children with and grow old with. Before him I was so afraid to have children due to my upbringing with a destructive parental unit. I didn’t want to end up like my mother because I can see a lot of similarities in us that scare me.

Age is a big problem for me mainly because I don’t want to be too old to enjoy my children. I want that time when I’m still able to play with them and be involved and not be in my 60s when they are my age. I wish I had children in my 20s. You know how old my mom is right now? She’s 50! She’s young still and I’m 30 we are 20 years apart and she looks young, people used to think she was my older sister, not in that cheesy way but even at school functions they’d ask where our parents were.

So that’s been my past 2 weeks and it feels good to get some of this out.

[amandaelisablog]

Diane Arbus: Child with Toy Hand Grenade

Diane Arbus, birth name; Diane Nemerov was born in the United States in New York City in 1923. She is the photographer of the photo; Child with Toy Hand Grenade in Central Park, 1962. Its dimensions are 39.5 by 38.3 centimeters. It is currently not on display. In the photo there is a child, centered with an expression of impatience on his face. His left shoulder strap is hanging loosely on her arm while his hands are constricted, one around a toy grenade and the other imitating the right. His clothing shows the year in which the photo is taken. The subject matter, in my option, would be nonviolence. Due to the time period in which this photo was taken it makes sense that she was making a statement. We as a country had no problem then, putting weapons in the hands of children and I feel like she was making a statement in that respect. As for the medium, I’m not entirely sure. The focus is on the child and the background is blurred out, the contrast isn’t heightened and there is a bit of a grain to it. The first element that comes into play is light; the only source used in this photograph is probably the sunlight through the trees above. There’s a haunting feel to it that transcends the actual purpose of the photo or possibly that was the goal. She hit the mark with the photo, not many make my chest constrict as much as this one does. There’s something almost wretched about the way in which the boy is contorting his face up and the tightness of his fingers or the way his body is positioned. Even though I’ve read the background of the photo and viewed the contact sheet as well it still haunts me when I look at it, the moment definitely was captured.

[amandaelisablog]

Berries in a Cup

Before creation I was but a root in the ground soft soil housed my future. I burrowed out and sprouted wings I leapt forth and changed from emerald to crimson The air is fresh and I am alive and with my brothers. We sway and bask in the light until we are plucked and stripped from our fleshy parts. Naked in an assemblage, we tan time has gone by I am but dust with other dust sieving and steeping in a mud pile, heavy and loose rushing, wet, steamy and hot I sigh and welcome my fate as she smiles down at me and takes a sip.

[amandaelisablog]

The Girl Who Waits: A Short Story

An eight year old girl sits centered on an old seat on a rickety bus. She has dark auburn hair that is left free and wild around her frame and face. It stands on end in different places, bangs brushing against her brows. Her head is tilted down shyly, a twinge of a smile on her little lips and her eyes are making contact with the boy behind the camera, barely visible behind her bangs. Her hands are pressed on the sides of her exposed legs, shoulders pushed up into her hair. It’s bright and sunny outside of the window to her right, kids running off to their parents waiting in cars. Little does this girl know that in fifteen years the boy taking the photo would be the one. He’s a different kind of boy, shy, quiet, reserved and always has his head on straight. They spent the majority of their youth playing and growing together. The two lose touch for a few years but still manage to find one another again and realize that this is it. It happens over the course of a year, the two midway through their twenties and their friendship going strong even still. The girl wants so much more and sees in the boy who is now a grown man something she wants for her own. He’s still the same as he was fifteen years ago and she has changed far too much to be shy about the way she feels anymore. She waits for him to catch up with her and to see what she does, to feel what she does. It takes a year for him to realize that he’s wasting time being terrified of something so natural and he surprises her on her twenty-fifth birthday. They capture another memory and freeze it in time. He tells her one night while they’re curled up together, “I love you,” and she can’t believe he’s finally met her in the middle, that she can finally say, “I love you too”. That eight year old girl has no clue that she’s looking into the eyes of a boy she won’t be able to be without, it’ll take time for her to understand this though, and that’s what time is for.

[amandaelisablog]

Middle Ground: A Poem

Chase, tag, run, skip, jump, dodge

Hide and seek

Cheers of the innocent fill assault covered grounds

Grass stains skid across rough surfaces

Cheeks rosy and coated in sugary stains

He and She grin from distances

Of highways

Of spaces

Of galaxies

From other groupings in the universe

Of other planets

Of other classes

Different in larger pictures but similar

In smaller spectrum's

She and He

Allow time to take their hands

Leading into unknown fields

Without the comfort of the others opened

Windows

Tainted by unnatural

Events in blackened periods of empty time

Trained in humanity’s line of defense

Marching steadfast into

Unknown variables.

Untested by first time players

Of games in hearts delight.

The middle ground empty,

With no understanding of time

Close the windows and tighten the door’s latches

Hush the murmurs and silence the pitter-patter of

The useless beating love function

She and He

Meet before hemispheres

Waving across seas

Middle grounds untouched by bareness

She feels the organs inside churning

The desire to extinguish the burning is extraordinary

She knows and waits for He to know

To play catch up

To see the coming with kaleidoscope eyes

She articulates expressions of the blood pumping organ in her bone chamber

She is the only moon orbiting his planet,

But the stars declare the facts are blurred

He doesn’t understand She’s need for pretty-colored

Florescent words

Words constrict the senses that keep blood flowing

Through the thoughtless blood organ

Through doors and tunnels

He lives for logical thought processes

She lives for starry-eyed dreams of grandeur

Daydreaming of mountains filled with spiritual sunrises

And bone crushing sunsets

He can’t live within or apart

Of a domain she creates in her reveries

His roots are planted in the earths mighty soils

Dug deep to the knees and sprouting roots

She is lost in the clouds drifting in past creations

They cannot reach between the horizons

Thick with fog choking cutting off oxygen

With oceans seas bodies of rushing waters

Between

She waits

She wants but cannot have

Fruits of the forbidden trees

Time denies passions fleshy dripping moist in dark lit

Corners

Stripping pleasures away from the bones

He doesn’t see the imagery she creates with her hands

They speak in tongues and organ and flesh

Right to the bone

But are not heard across the bodies of rushing waterfalls

He lowers to the soils and allows gardens to grow

She floats away in a fog of her own creating

Closing off the space between the hemispheres

Time ticks off years separating

He and She

[amandaelisablog]

Why Hayao Miyazaki Is a Unicorn in a World of Horses

Over the years I have watched almost all of his films released in the United States and I have secretly always wanted to be a writer and animator despite my lack of talent in this field. I have admired and respected Hayao Miyazaki for years, not only for his films but for the way in which he sees the world and depicts it in his work.

For over 40 years he has worked as an animator, anime director, illustrator, screen writer and manga artist. He is mainly the anime director in the films he’s made in recent years as well as the lead in writing the storylines. He started working for Toei Douga studio as an animator in 1963 and had a hand in some of the classic Japanese films and television programs. Even from the beginning he drew in attention for his new ideas and artwork. It wasn’t until much later, with a number of productions under his belt that Hayao Miyazaki along with Isao Takahata (who he had worked with previously on many projects), founded Studio Ghibli. Now the co-founder he dabbles in animation as well as production, churning out brilliant pieces of work every few years, despite the severe eye strain from meticulous detail to his craft.

Mr. Miyazaki has always been a man of tradition and values, which show up in all of his works. He’s stated in numerous interviews that by tradition he doesn’t mean going to temple but rather the old ways of living and society. In his films the main characters are almost always children or young women who are portrayed as strong-willed and up on the same level as men whether it be their jobs or lifestyles. He has always been someone to strive for women having equal rights and to be seen, not as sex symbols but as role models. He depicts good and evil co-existing in the world. Some see it as pessimistic, but it is more of a realist vision. There had been a time that Mr. Miyazaki had greatly admired Walt Disney’s productions, but sometime later Disney had begun to stray towards the conservative side. Mr. Miyazaki felt that Disney lost a lot of its creativity and beauty once this had occurred. In an ironic twist he was dubbed with the nickname ‘the Japanese Walt Disney’, which he does not care for to this day. As it stands to date Disney puts out dubbed versions of Miyazaki’s films to U.S. audiences.

He is concerned with the future and new generations of children that will soon be running it. He believes that the world has become a materialistic enterprise that is destroying itself from the inside out. That consumerism and the virtual world are making it harder to reach the souls of children and inspire them. A lot of his films, though it is often ignored, have political undertones, due to him majoring in political science and his views of society and the people who inhabit it.

When Mr. Miyazaki was a boy he had a huge interest in aviation due to his father’s airplane parts factory in capital city. This can be seen almost always in his films because he finds the beauty in flight. He greatly adored drawing as a hobby and would always be found sketching planes; people were never a success to draw, unlike the stunning backgrounds. When it came time to head off to school he went a different direction and studied political science and economics. Evidently his passion for the arts won out and he scored a job at Toei Animation (or Toei Douga studio) where he had an apprenticeship until he got to work on his first project as an animator. Once he branched out on his own aerials in his films became more prominent as well as symbolic.

Over the years he has developed beautiful artistic skills, almost dreamlike. The very simplistic characters against well designed backgrounds are an interesting contrast. He is by far the only animator that could get away with downplaying the looks of his characters in favor of the sets and storylines, due to the fact that all of his characters have substance. It takes real talent to create something so beautiful, inspired even, that it touches different generations. In a lot of animations that I’ve seen they tend to over-compensate the physical appearances of the protagonist and lack in storyline, it’s one of the many things I admire about Mr. Miyazaki. Another thing that makes his films so much better in contrast to the conservative views of a Disney film is that they address real life events in a metaphorical sense. He also has a way about him that brings forth change, a voice to the generations that speaks volumes. His intelligence shines through his films and teaches us how our world is and the basics of what we could all do as a community to change it. If he had to leave his passion of animation he would keep with him his voice and knowledge, which can transcend into other fields.

In most of Hayao Miyazaki’s films he puts great emphasis on good and evil. He doesn’t believe that there is one or the other, but that people have the ability to be both at one point or another. People are capable of changing drastically in mere moments and it is in his portrayal of humanity in his films that shows this. He is deeply rooted in pacifist ethics in his own life and views this is the way all issues show be addressed and it is in his works that he attempts to express these beliefs. Because of the field he works in it is hard to determine how this would be interpreted as how he might be as an employee or co-worker. It stands to reason that his ethics and beliefs are part of what makes him successful in his line of work.

I most admire his talent for imagining and creating these beautiful places that even my adult heart longs for. Not a lot of visual stimulants stir up as many emotions as his brilliantly crafted writing do. I have on more than one occasion cried over the loss of a character or a touching moment between families. I take away a number of things from his films and feel as though I’ve gained knowledge about the world and the people inhabiting it. I respect and strive to have as much of an impact as he has on so many generations and different ethnic backgrounds over the decades. With the fame he has acquired he has the power to shape the world we live in by just producing a piece of art that touches lives and sends a message.

That’s what I want to do with my future, change lives, even if it might just be a few I’ll know a change has happened in the world and it was by my hands. No matter what profession I end up following, as long as that one goal is met then I will be fulfilled in life. As long as I become part of the change for a positive future then I will have succeed in being like Hayao Miyazaki, my role model.

[amandaelisablog]

Don’t be a Documentary Zombie.

To Whom It May Concern:

Today we are going to talk about the recent documentaries that are circulating, scaring families. As we all know documentaries are always one sided and have a goal in mind. They can be jarring and cause panic. But everyone who decides to watch these documentaries should keep an open mind and not take it to heart I have seen my fair share of documentaries but I have learned the hard lesson of taking them too seriously. There is one out there right now that has people changing their lifestyle and diets. If you haven’t seen it then you’re probably safe. If you know what I am talking about then more than likely you are the people I have mentioned previously.

This documentary is about how processed meats are dangerous for you but this is the kicker, it only reports one part of the story. Yes some meats, poultry etc. can be bad for you. You really shouldn’t eat beef everyday it is unhealthy but this is common knowledge. The issue with the documentary is that it only reports of the farms who do not treat the animals well, who aren’t properly fed or properly handled after they’re butchered. Whereas we have organic options for meats that were not once mentioned in this documentary. Doing my own searching I have come to find that range-free is questionable so that my little nugget of knowledge. It’s such a loose term that there isn’t any guarantee as to how long they’re out of cages or what freedom they have.

Stick with care-free and avoid the obvious dangers that are self-explanatory. There are great options for meat eaters and we don’t have to run to being a vegan just because some documentary told us to. We are free thinkers and having a documentary control you so easily should scare you more than what you’ve watched. We also have so many options to acquire the knowledge in depth to find out what is real and what is not.

My attempts are not to deter you out of going vegan or even vegetarian, what I am saying is to be knowledgeable first before you jump on in. Knowledge is a powerful thing and it is free. People have a misconception that vegans eat organic veggies and frozen foods. That isn’t the case, it is not only what they put in their bodies but how, making food that has more substance than living off veggies and pre-made fake meats, etc. There are healthy ways to live no matter your decision.

Research is available to all and should be used at any chance. We live in a world where we want to trust completely and go in with that blind trust. Unfortunately that’s not how life really is. It’s not even this one documentary but others making outlandish claims without the whole story. Having the whole picture will save you so much grief and will help you to avoid big changes that are not necessary.  

If you want to eat better then go in slow and with a good program to work from. I will swear up and down that Whole 30 has helped me in the past, its structure but not torture. You just give up white stuff, beans and few other things. They have lists on their website as well as a book. I did it for over a month and I lost a lot of weight. I coupled it with the gym and walking 3 miles a day.

Jumping into a fad diet because that is what everyone is talking about is dangerous. Talk to a doctor before starting anything drastic and they might direct you in a better direction. That is how I actually heard about Whole 30, I was getting heavier and went in and found out that I was pre-diabetic.  My lovely doctor then suggested this and that it would be the best option.

If you want to give your opinions of stories please leave some comments.

 Sincerely,

 Amanda M

[amandaelisablog]

Crime Shows and Bad Decisions

To Whom It May Concern:

 Salutations to you, I am going to delve into the many criminal shows that have been and still air today. More than likely you have spent time watching these programs and wonder  to yourself how these people manage to find themselves in these situations. At this point I find myself critiquing their poor decisions.

There are many out there and this is just a short list:

·         Forensic Files

·         48 hours

·         Homicide Hunter with Joe Kenda

·         Who The Bleep Did I Marry

·         America’s Most Wanted

·         Dateline

·         Snapped

·         American Justice

·         Killer Kids

·         Making A Murderer

·         Mommy Dead and Dearest

·         Disappeared

·         Nightmare Next Door

·         True Crime with Aphrodite Jones

·         I (Almost) Got Away With It

·         Scorned: Love Kills

·         Obsession: Dark Desires

Looking at these lists there are at least one or more that you might have seen. You could be like me and find the shows fascinating and learn the not to-do’s from the people telling their stories. Each show has it niche and they might deal with parallel issues but then they have different ways to tell a story. Forensic Files for instance deals with a variety of cases involving rape, murder, kidnapping, serial killers, faking deaths and cold cases. It is truly fascinating how they’re able to solve these cases with a simple fiber from a car to even plants just with their DNA and some smart investigations. 48 hours is just as it sounds, the first 48 hours is vital to find someone who has gone missing. This is actually very common with the police department and so on.

I don’t know if any of you have seen the case of Gypsy Rose Blanchard and her mother Claudine “Dee Dee” Blanchard? It is covered on Mommy Dead and Dearest and to most it seemed like an open and closed case. It was much more complicated than that and there are many who sit on either side of the fence. This is the story presented in this case; Dee Dee spent almost all of Gypsy’s life keeping her disabled. She made up all of her medical conditions and spent over a decade stuck in a wheelchair. She was on so many medications that they induced the symptoms of the supposed conditions which she used to make her look sick to gain favor with different organizations. Dee Dee kept her daughter’s age from her as well, even telling her father not to reveal her age because she was mentally that of a 5 year old though physically being 15 years old.  It was discovered throughout the story that Dee Dee had Munchhausen by proxy which is a disorder in which the caretaker will induce sickness to get attention and gifts. These gifts were expensive trips to Disney world and other vacations. Dee Dee had also stated they lost their home in hurricane Katrina, so the place the relocated to build them a home for free. Dee Dee kept her daughter hostage for most of her life, abused her for trying to get away, keeping her away from her father and lied to keep people from helping Gypsy. To add to this Dee Dee had been her own mother’s caregiver and let her starve to death. She even tried to poison her step mother. Gypsy had run away a few times and her mother always found her and would threaten her and abuse her for her actions. The conclusion of this sad tale is that Gypsy had her mother killed by her mentally ill boyfriend. People felt as though Gypsy had suffered all of her life and they didn’t want to put in prison for life, being that she had been a victim in a terrible situation. They gave her ten years and she’ll still have a chance when she gets out.  

Obsession: Dark Desires is a terribly creepy show. The lengths that some people with go to for those they become obsessed with. Most of these cases involve different varieties of stalkers, love struck employees, ex-boyfriends and next door neighbors. It’s a scary world nowadays because of the internet and how much we give free for people to use against us. Just know that if you have someone obsessed with you then you definitely want to go online and look up websites like Beenverified to remove your information from being purchased. There are a number of free ones where you can just go in a delete them completely. This prevents others from having access to your previous and current addresses your family members and so much more. This is so legitimate I have done this and it’s a load off my mind to have this information off of the web. I’m sure that there are more out there but if you’re dedicated them you’ll have peace of mind.

While on other shows one of the reoccurring themes are the cases of both men and women who meet a charming person and within a month they get married without the allotted time to get to know each other. It is then that the trouble slowly begins. They don’t give enough time to get to know each other; there isn’t time to get to know someone in just a month. Because of this these people come face to face with a real life monster. Worst yet the small glimpses shown they brush aside and let them go. We as people should be aware of anyone in our lives. I’m not telling you readers that you should be suspicious but just be aware and give time in a relationship to learn the ins and outs of the person you might fall for and spend your life with.

Personally and this is just me mainly because of the things I’ve seen and been through; background search, tests for possible STDs. People lie and that means everyone, they will tell you one thing and you later find that the person you lie beside is a complete stranger. If the person you plan to be with does truly love you then they will not have any problems with your request in looking into them. It goes both ways too and you can give them the same thing. Just think for a second if everyone did this there could be complete trust, more so than what you want to imagine. If you were able to really know the person you bring into your life things would work out better. A lot of these people want to rationalize that they just had to trust the person’s word and that was enough. It really isn’t though and this is the end of each episode especially in ‘Who The Bleep Did I Marry?’ where each person says they wished they had known and how devastating it had been. With a little bit of knowledge you could save yourself years of your life wasted if this person turns out to be a horrible person.

Once let’s say a woman named Jane gets married to John the light switch flips and he shows his true colors. At this point you’re tied together because of the marriage. What’s worse is when they have children together and the children are used or kidnapped by the spouse. Not enough people stop and plan these things out, yes sometimes there’s accidents but most of the time its poor protection and planning. People make the mistake of joining bank accounts, even if you trust the person completely it’s better for your relationship not to. Most successful couples will tell you that with this separation in accounts the couple can erase one possible issue that most couples have. Money can tear people apart, even the strongest couples. Now back to the case of Jane and John, she will feel as though it is what you do in a relationship is join together bank accounts adding your spouse to all your accounts. It is not a breach of trust to keep things separated. You stay equal in your relationship and still are able to share your money with one another.

When you first date someone they only show you the good side of them. It’s new and exciting and you want to make a great impression but you need to get to the core of this person. But as we learn from these shows it is unwise to take that at face value. They are wolves in sheep’s clothing and the victims don’t see it coming when they wolf tear their lives apart.

The worst one are the ones who don’t have a criminal record because their acts have never made it through the system. Some lie about their name and that’s what makes it harder. This makes it harder for you to dig deeper.

If you notice that something isn’t right use your instincts and get out. It will get worse and no matter how many times you rationalize it there has to be a time when you leave and save yourself and your children. There is a point when trying to make the marriage work falls off the list of priorities especially when it comes to abuse. I had just watched an episode of Who the bleep did I Marry and this husband was drugging his wife every night so that he could have sex with her unconscious body. She finds out about the drugging and confronts him and she basically said don’t do it again, not this is messed up stay away from me. He did it again and she stayed after that, it wasn’t until she finds the videos that she decided this was what would break her and cause her to make a solid decision. Another thing that just baffles me is the ones where the woman or man gets a glimpse into the real person that they are and then they’re proposed to, they actually say yes despite continued abuse and mistreatment.

I’m not going to lie here and say that I know everything or that I’ve ever been completely wise in my past. But now that I’m older and look back I at least can say once I saw the red flags I would walk away and keep myself safe. I’m glad for this though and it opened me up to finding someone perfect for me.

Keep your eyes and mind opened to the world around you don’t allow someone to put you down, criticize you, deceive you, or control your life. You’re an independent person and you can still be in a relationship even if it isn’t with this person not treating you well. You will have problems in any relationship, but use a wise mind to pick out and weigh what you can fix and what you cannot. Don’t just jump into marriage lightly just because they seem perfect at the time. Live together feel each other out and learn their quirks before marriage even becomes a thought. I suggest doing as I do and binge watch these shows, especially Who the bleep did I Marry? Do it you won’t regret it!

Be wise my dear readers.

 Sincerely

Amanda M