amander's

((SAY YES 2 LIFE))

[amanderetc]

Goodbye, 2017.

2017 really came and went in a flash. In 2017, so many friendships were made and broken, so many books were bought and left unread, so many resolutions were made and not kept, and the list just goes on. 

2017 was kinda a rough year for me, yet it was the best possible one ever too. Despite all the people i lost, all the relationships that broke, all the sad and negative things which got me feeling so lost, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Because besides all that, I learned and grew so much as a person, i strengthened my relationship with my family, i made more time for my friends and i tried so many new things which just makes me feel like i’m rediscovering life. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but i’m slowly starting to appreciate life more, to be more grateful, to notice the little things more, to pay attention to the people around me more, and i couldn’t be more glad to be the person i am now. 

Gratefulness does not come from happiness, happiness comes from gratefulness.

As always, i am extremely excited for what’s to come this 2018 and here’s to hoping that everyday just gets better.

[amanderetc]

"Sometimes all you can do, is to hope that you fall asleep, before you fall apart."

Life's been tough lately. School work is piling up, club activities are somewhat getting in the way, my attendance is dropping again yada yada yada. I'm so drained i feel like i can just crash and burn, literally. And even through all this, you remain on my mind and with every bit of emotional energy i have left, i worry about you. I worry if you're able to cope, i worry if you're getting enough sleep, i worry if you're eating well. I hope you are. 3 weeks left and i just can't wait to get out of here.

[amanderetc]

8 things i learned when i turned 18.

1, You probably don’t get as many birthday wishes as you used to but that’s okay. I know very well inside my heart who are the ones who care.

2, Everything is temporary. Brought this over from last year’s post and am still mastering the skill on how to accept it. Am still being the same, trying to cherish the people i hold dear around me, trying to make as much time i have for them as possible. 

3, You may be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world; but there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches. There's going to be haters - people who don't approve of or support you, but that's alright. You do what you think is right, you chase after what you really want. Don't let anyone stop you from doing otherwise.

4, When life throws you lemons, apples, pears and whatnot, you go make the best juice ever out of it. Life's not going to be easier, you just get stronger over the years. Don't be afraid of what's about to come, just give it your all and live with no regrets.

5, The best thing to do when it rains, is to let it rain. Time's not going to stop for you; you make your own time for the things you want to do. Don't fight fate or go against your destiny, learn to accept it and make the best out of it.

6, When people care for you, they show it. Actions speak louder than words, and that is one thing i will always strongly believe in. I hope you realise who are the ones cherishing you as much as you deserve and keep them close to heart. 

7, Things get easier as you grow older. As cliche as this sounds, it’s true. It’s not about the age though, it’s about how much you’re growing everyday. Things that used to affect me suddenly don’t bother me anymore. Just have faith in yourself that life gets better and things get easier.

8, I am blessed. Okay, to be fair, this isn’t something i just recently learned. I do realise this like a few years back already but i just wanted to put this out there. I am blessed with a loving family, with caring friends, with a warm home and good food, with everything that i have in life. I am blessed to be able to do what i love, to study what i’m interested in, to pursue what i’m passionate about. Though i do not show it as often as i should, i love my parents, i love my family, i love my friends, i love my life. 

[amanderetc]

[amanderetc]

#thingstowriteabout3

The Vessel: Write about a ship or other vehicle that can take you somewhere different from where you are now.

I would like to hop on a plane, preferably on a business class ticket as i’ve never experienced it before, and jet off all the way to somewhere like Australia, maybe. Singapore’s getting a little too suffocating at times and i would die to just travel off to somewhere else where i can be myself, where i can leave everything behind. 

I’ve been to the Gold Coast, but i’ve never really been to the other cities like Perth and Melbourne. It would be really nice to take a break right now and just explore the rest of the world; to go on a road trip even. 

A trip is really much needed.

[amanderetc]

[amanderetc]

#thingstowriteabout 2

The Unrequited Love Poem: How do you feel when you love someone who does not love you back?

Not to brag or try to act like i’m noble and all, i honestly would just let the person go. Of course i would be down and feel disheartened, but i feel that it is so true when someone says that if you truly love someone, you’ll let them go. I’m also a sucker for things like destiny and fate so i strongly believe that if something is meant to be, it’ll come right back to you. 

Life has countless of things planned out for us, and no, i’m not saying that we should just sit back and relax, but i’m saying that there are certain things where we need to accept it with an open mind and heart and try to overcome any hardship with the will to move on.

[actuates]

romanticize self-love. romanticize your fingers on your cheeks, massaging the day away. romanticize your body splayed out in bed sunday afternoons, soaking up the sun, glistening like warm honey. romanticize your hands draped out car windows, tickled by the gentle wind. romanticize curtains flung open, you blasting every song that ever made you feel better, giving the neighbors a show they’ll never forget. romanticize cutting things, people and experiences out of your life that make you feel less than complete. romanticize feeling beautiful, affirming your beauty and admiring yourself in nearby mirrors. romanticize the way you speak, with prose draped around your neck and kindness dancing circles in your belly. romanticize your talents, your identity and the things you could never live without. say that you are proud, say that you are grateful and say that you are inspiring. romanticize you.

the art of falling in love. |(morsus engel)| (via actuates)

[amanderetc]

#thingstowriteabout 1

Outside the Window: What’s the weather outside your window doing right now? If that’s not inspiring, what’s the weather like somewhere you wish you could be?

The sky is dark and clear; the air is still and silent. All is quiet except for the occasional whoosh from airplanes high up among the clouds. If i just close my eyes right now and imagine, it would bring me back to the same place, the exact same place i picture in my head every single time. 

Over there, the sky would be really gloomy and filled with huge clouds. It would be slightly drizzling and the air would smell like the rain. I would be somewhere warm, like a cafe, for instance, drinking a cup of tea whilst listening to the pitter-patter of the rain. 

[amanderetc]

[sixteensmallstepstohappiness]

1. push yourself to get up before the rest of the world - start with 7am, then 6am, then 5:30am. go to the nearest hill with a big coat and a scarf and watch the sun rise. 2. push yourself to fall asleep earlier - start with 11pm, then 10pm, then 9pm. wake up in the morning feeling re-energized and comfortable. 3. get into the habit of cooking yourself a beautiful breakfast. fry tomatoes and mushrooms in real butter and garlic, fry an egg, slice up a fresh avocado and squirt way too much lemon on it. sit and eat it and do nothing else. 4. stretch. start by reaching for the sky as hard as you can, then trying to touch your toes. roll your head. stretch your fingers. stretch everything. 5. buy a 1L water bottle. start with pushing yourself to drink the whole thing in a day, then try drinking it twice. 6. buy a beautiful diary and a beautiful black pen. write down everything you do, including dinner dates, appointments, assignments, coffees, what you need to do that day. no detail is too small. 7. strip your bed of your sheets and empty your underwear draw into the washing machine. put a massive scoop of scented fabric softener in there and wash. make your bed in full. 8. organise your room. fold all your clothes (and bag what you don’t want), clean your mirror, your laptop, vacuum the floor. light a beautiful candle. 9. have a luxurious shower with your favourite music playing. wash your hair, scrub your body, brush your teeth. lather your whole body in moisturiser, get familiar with the part between your toes, your inner thighs, the back of your neck. 10. push yourself to go for a walk. take your headphones, go to the beach and walk. smile at strangers walking the other way and be surprised how many smile back. bring your dog and observe the dog’s behaviour. realise you can learn from your dog. 11. message old friends with personal jokes. reminisce. suggest a catch up soon, even if you don’t follow through. push yourself to follow through. 13. think long and hard about what interests you. crime? sex? boarding school? long-forgotten romance etiquette? find a book about it and read it. there is a book about literally everything. 14. become the person you would ideally fall in love with. let cars merge into your lane when driving. pay double for parking tickets and leave a second one in the machine. stick your tongue out at babies. compliment people on their cute clothes. challenge yourself to not ridicule anyone for a whole day. then two. then a week. walk with a straight posture. look people in the eye. ask people about their story. talk to acquaintances so they become friends. 15. lie in the sunshine. daydream about the life you would lead if failure wasn’t a thing. open your eyes. take small steps to make it happen for you.

(via elauxe)

A self care list. I’ve been working on this. I promise it’s worth it.

(via sweetbloodsomalia)

[amanderetc]

Restarting

It’s always been tough to let on what i’m thinking and feeling to other people, be it a stranger, or a close friend. I try always to be as straightforward as i can so as to give people the right idea of what i’m trying to convey. I look like someone who’s good with words but in actual fact, i just try hard to be. 

Writing has always been a form of comfort to me, some sort of closure, i guess. I still haven’t found my own style, i’m still working on it. I still can’t find the right words to use, still working on that too. Before, i wanted to create a blog so as to reach out to people; show the world who i am. Now, i deeply regret and realised that i just want this to be a space, a space i can be myself, a space i can just let go. 

It’s hard to live up to expectations in this society and age we live in today and it gets too me a lot. I want to be a good enough writer, i want to be pretty enough, i want to be nice enough, i want to be enough. But what exactly is enough? I want to stop trying to please people, trying to live up to others’ expectations and start being me, a version of me, just for myself.

It’s always been a huge flaw of mine; wanting to please people.  I’m working on it everyday, i’m always constantly trying to stop. Only when i finally am satisfied with myself, with how i look, how i dress etc, only then i can finally lift this whole burden of wanting to satisfy other people off of me.

It’s 3.34am on the 6th of March right now, and i promise to myself, that i will try to change, that i will change, that i will become a better version of me, not for anyone else but myself.

Here’s to a whole new year (yes, i do know that it’s already March) and a whole new me.