To the people I hurt along the way
Addictions waxes and wains. Shit no one deserves it or what comes with it.
I’m an addict. I’m sure most people would say the world would be a better place without me. I don’t disagree. In fact I’ve been trying to leave it for as long as I can remember.
I’m an addict. I got dealt a shit hand in life and I tried my best but that wasn’t good enough for some of you. I wanted to die every day but I kept fighting. My way of getting through life is to numb the pain I’ve felt inside since I was a child. The trauma made it worse but it was always quietly there, stewing in the background waiting.
I’m an addict. And I said things that were true and that were false. I said what I was feeling so I must’ve meant some of it.
I’m an addict. If I’m being honest about who I am i regret it. I pushed everyone away. I’m emotionally violet and abusive and a liar.
I’m an addict. And even if I got clean today no one would forget the trauma of me not being clean. But I regret pushing people away that were just trying to help.
I’m an addict. And I reduced lives to moments, their ugly moments. Punishing them for it. That’s what cops do. It’s actually what everyone does. It’s what you would do to me if you didn’t know me.
I’m an addict. And I apologise and I regret the way you were treated by the unstable me. The fucked up me.
In the exit row doesn’t always seems so scary
Should I just take the beta blockers and withdrawal meds I’m prescribed? I’m sick of me being miss predictable. I make me any everyone miserable and rare us apart. I don’t know if I’m fixable. It breaks my heart
