Gracie

23 years old, she/her, cartoon enthusiast and writer

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 38: Can't)

Friday December 25, 2020 (Present Time) 9:37 am

The first thing Darling registers when she opens her eyes is the warmth and softness surrounding her. The second thing she registers is a throbbing ache in her head. Considering she was drunk last night though, the headache isn't too bad. She turns her head. A smile immediately forms on her face as her gaze lands on Apple. The girl’s arms are wrapped snugly around her. Even when she’s snoring and her mouth is crusted with drool, she’s still the most beautiful being on the planet. Everything about her is perfect. From her sleek blonde curls to her cherry lips to her porcelain skin, Darling adores every inch of her. It’s a few more moments of Darling admiring her before Apple’s bright blue eyes blink open.

“Merry Christmas, my love,” Darling murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

Apple stifles a yawn behind her hand. A bright smile appears on her face as she gazes at Darling. Darling's heart leaps with joy, as it always does when she's reminded of the fact that Apple is just as head over heels for her as Darling is for her. Apple reaches out, lightly tracing her thumb over Darling’s cheek. Darling nuzzles into the gentle touch. Apple smiles wider.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” she softly replies, voice hoarse from sleep.

Darling just woke up, but her body is already alight with desire. She rests her hands on her girlfriend’s cheeks, gently pulling her into a kiss. Apple reacts immediately, deepening the kiss. She rakes her fingers through Darling’s hair. Darling gnaws at her lip, and the moan that Apple emits only increases the heat within her.

Unfortunately though it can't go too far, as a clattering from the kitchen distracts them and they realize it's Raven. They reluctantly pull back, knowing that if they keep kissing things will get out of hand and they'll be right back to where they were last night. A wave of concern rushes through Darling as a frown forms on Apple's face. The girl raises her thumb to her mouth and begins to nibble on it.

“What is it, baby?” Darling murmurs, placing her hand on the girl's shoulder.

Apple looks at Darling, brow creased with worry.

“We-we weren't thinking,” the girl says, voice soft but filled with unmistakable shame. “Raven was right in the next room when we, you know…”

Darling can feel her cheeks burning with a sudden humiliation. They were unusually giddy and somewhat drunk (well, drunk in Darling's case) last night, and one thing had just led to another. The thought of their friend hearing them doing the most intimate activity known to mankind burns their faces hotter and hotter. Darling tries to rationalize the situation.

“Well, she was hammered too. You saw how she collapsed on the couch when we got home. I'm sure she was sleeping too deeply to hear a thing.”

Apple is chewing her lip, head bowed in shame. But as Darling looks at her, a gentle smile forms on the girl's face.

“You're just so irresistible,” she says, voice low and sultry, before pulling Darling into a kiss.

This kiss is short and sweet, but still warms every inch of Darling's body and releases any tension she'd been holding.

When Apple backs away, looking into Darling's eyes, she whispers, “Whether it was the right thing to do, last night was absolutely incredible.”

Her breath is warm against Darling's face. Darling shivers, pleasure filling her from head to toe.

“I agree,” she murmurs, before drawing Apple into yet another kiss.

XXX 10:21 am

“Kingdoms, that's the latest I've slept in years!” Apple exclaims, as she takes a seat at the table.

Darling sits next to her and Raven sits across the table. After taking some Advil, her headache has mostly dissipated.

Darling nods. “Me too. I must've been more drunk than I thought.”

Apple giggles. “I wasn't drunk though.”

Darling shrugs. “True.”

“You were adorable though!” Apple gushes. “You were going on and on about how much you love me, even more so than usual!”

Darling grins. “Well, it's the truth!”

She resists the urge to kiss Apple again. She can tell from the girl's eyes that she's having to suppress the same urge. That knowledge only increases the pleasure surging through her body. Raven is right there though, looking down at her scrambled eggs and bacon. As Darling notices the expression on her face, so sad and defeated, her heart suddenly aches. The pain only increases when she notices the redness of her eyes. ‘Is that from last night or this morning…or both?’ Darling silently wonders. Raven was in the bathroom an awfully long time last night. Regret replaces the euphoria that had been swelling through her. Is she really so self-centered that she couldn't even tell her friend was upset? Looking at Apple, it’s clear by the girl’s ashamed expression that she’s thinking the same exact thing. She looks at Darling with a meaningful expression, and Darling immediately understands her intentions--they need to fix this.

Apple quietly clears her throat. She reaches across the table, taking Raven’s hands in hers, gently squeezing. Raven looks up, eyes wide with surprise.

“Hey,” Apple murmurs, as Raven’s eyes meet hers. “Merry Christmas, love.”

Raven’s morose expression doesn’t fade.

“Merry Christmas,” she mumbles.

Darling’s heart breaks into even smaller pieces when she sees the tears shimmering in Apple’s eyes. Apple sighs softly.

“I love you, Raven,” she murmurs, voice trembling. “It’s going to be okay.”

Raven gives her a small smile, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “I know. I love you too.”

XXX 7:47 am

“Good morning, baby!” Briar exclaims, as she walks into Willow’s bedroom, flicking the light on.

Willow who had called for her is already standing up, arms outstretched. A wide grin is on her rosy face. She’s clearly eager to see her presents from Santa. Briar lifts her out of her crib before gently setting her down. Willow breaks into a sprint toward the living room.

“Santa came!” she yells. “Santa came!”

Briar laughs. Seeing Willow so happy fills her with so much joy, she feels like she’s going to be burst. Briar quickly follows the toddler as she dashes toward the Christmas tree where her presents are stacked. As her eyes land on the majestic dollhouse (Hunter really pulled out all the stops with it), her eyes widen and she shrieks with excitement. Ashlynn and Hunter, who were cooking breakfast, come to the living room to watch the adorable sight. Their kitten, Oliver, who was sleeping on one of the wrapped presents meows loudly in shock before tearing off down the hall.

“Dollhouse!” Willow exclaims, running toward it as fast as her little legs will carry her.

The adults watch with wide grins on their faces (they must look like Kitty). They may have had to get up early to assemble all the gifts, but it’s more than worth it. Hunter walks over to her. He picks up the case of little dolls and opens it.

“You want to play, baby?” he asks, voice filled to the brim with joy.

“Yeah!” she enthuses.

Briar and Ashlynn watch in silent adoration as Willow and Hunter play with the dolls.

A few minutes later Ashlynn remembers breakfast. Her eyes widen.

“Breakfast!” she exclaims.

Briar giggles. “Here, I’ll help you.”

‘At least she remembered to turn the stove off,’ Briar thinks to herself, as they walk toward the kitchen hand in hand.

XXX

“This is delicious, guys!” Hunter enthuses.

He’s currently demolishing French toast.

Ashlynn giggles. “You helped make it, Hunter.”

He shrugs. “Well, part of it.”

He looks over at his daughter. She’s a syrupy mess as she shovels pieces of French toast into her mouth. As usual the family cat, Ruby, is at their feet begging for food. He catches Briar sneaking the kitten a couple pieces of scrambled eggs. Ashlynn is against feeding animals human food, so Briar has to be discreet about it.

“How about playing in the snow after breakfast?” Briar proposes, a wide grin on her face.

“Sounds fun!” Hunter exclaims.

“Sure thing!” Ashlynn agrees.

Willow claps her hands, eyes bright with excitement. “Build snowman please?!”

The adults laugh endearingly.

“Yes baby, we can build a snowman.” Ashlynn reaches over, stroking her hand through Willow’s hair.

Luckily, none of them got drunk last night, so they’re all at maximum energy. None of their friends got too wasted actually. Darling and Apple certainly couldn't keep their hands off each other regardless. Hunter smirks.

“Well, how about Apple and Darling last night?” His voice is light with humor.

Ashlynn and Briar laugh, immediately knowing what he’s talking about.

Briar snorts. “Usually those two keep it together in public, but last night--just wow.”

Ashlynn giggles. “When in the world is Darling going to pop the question?!”

Briar grimaces. “Well, you saw how everybody reacted to them dating. An engagement? That’ll be a mess.”

Ashlynn nods. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Especially at a time like this, that’s going to be too hard.”

Hunter’s phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out. His eyes widen when he sees who the hext is from.

Jack: Merry Christmas, baby! I love you!

Hunter’s going to have to reply later. Still, he can’t stop the grin that forms on his face.

“What are you smiling so big about?” Briar questions, a playful lilt to her voice.

“Oh, um--” He scrambles to come up with an excuse. “I just love Christmas so much!”

Oh kingdoms, that’s the best he could do? He resists the urge to wince. Briar raises her eyebrow, but she doesn’t press him any further. Ashlynn doesn’t notice the exchange, too busy wiping Willow’s face with a napkin. As Briar changes the subject, gushing about the bracelet Ashlynn got her for Christmas for about the twentieth time, he sighs with relief. Ashlynn and Briar may be his closest friends, but he’s not ready to divulge his secret. Not yet.

XXX 12:03 pm

The whole drive to the hospital, Raven's heart is pounding. Her stomach grows tighter by the second. Waves of nausea surge through her. She closes her eyes, praying there isn’t a repeat of five days ago when she almost puked all over their car. Apple and Darling are singing along to Christmas carols. Apple especially is really getting into it, swaying side to side as she steers the wheel. Raven gets the feeling that they’re trying to cheer her up, but it isn’t going to work. It’s Christmas, a day that’s supposed to be full of joy and celebration, and she’s about to go visit her boyfriend (is he even really her boyfriend anymore)? who doesn’t remember a single Christmas they’ve spent together. He doesn’t remember wearing matching reindeer onesie pajamas, singing Christmas carols until their throats ache, cuddling on the couch by the fireplace. She again has to suppress the tears stinging her eyes. She can’t make this day about her and her pain. Dexter and her friends deserve cheer, especially after all they’ve gone through lately, and who is Raven to stand in the way of their happiness? So she lets Apple and Darling sing and keeps her solemn thoughts to herself.

XXX 12:16 pm

Raven didn’t even know she could get sadder, but as the three girls walk into Dexter’s hospital room and her eyes land on the man she loves, her heart feels like it’s crumbling to pieces in her chest. He looks much better than he did even a few days ago. The color has returned to his cheeks, he looks much more aware, and he’s smiling more. He’s getting better and better everyday, while she gets worse and worse. Again, she’s making the situation about herself. She knows how selfish she is. She can’t help it though. No matter how hard she tries to only be ecstatic about his improvement, she still can’t suppress the horrible thought that plagues her--that the better he gets, the farther away he strays from her.

She’s so lost in thought that Apple has to tap on her shoulder to get her attention.

She blinks. “Huh?”

“We’re here, hon,” she says, voice soft.

The room slowly comes back into focus. Darling is hugging Dexter, a wide smile on her face. He’s smiling too, embracing her back with his renewed strength.

Raven takes a deep, shaky breath and proceeds to do what she always does when she visits Dexter: put on a brave face for him. As she approaches Dexter, as usual she has to shove down her instinct to kiss him. For years that’s what they did every time they saw each other. Switching off that reflex has been nearly impossible for her. Instead, she draws him into a tentative hug. He hugs her back just as hesitantly. It’s nothing like their old hugs. They were tight and warm and long. These hugs are flimsy and short. They’re all the two can manage right now though. The distance between them is so vast, Raven has no idea how to even begin filling the gap.

As they pull back, she forces a bright smile onto her face.

“Hey, Dex!” she exclaims, making her voice as cheerful as possible.

“Merry Christmas!”

The nickname comes to her as naturally as breathing. She knows it might seem strange to him; to him, she’s virtually a stranger. But she needs something. Something that connects them, even if it’s as insubstantial as a nickname.

“Hey, Raven,” he replies, sounding genuinely happy. “Merry Christmas to you too!”

He used to greet her so casually. Now there’s a certain formality to the way he says her name. It hits her like a punch to the gut every time. But she doesn’t let her smile falter. She gives his hand a gentle squeeze before backing away to let Apple hug him.

XXX 12:24 pm

“Rude!” Dexter jokingly exclaims, as he opens his gift from Darling, pulling out the deluxe beard shaving kit she got him.

She laughs. “You’re always complaining about how every razor you get sucks, so here’s something to shut you up!”

He scoffs, but the bright smile on his face makes his happiness clear.

“Thank you, Darling,” he grumbles.

She giggles, getting up to give him another tight hug. “You’re welcome, Dex!”

As Darling sits back down, Apple stands up, handing over her present.

“Here’s a less passive aggressive gift,” she says, a smirk on her face.

Darling jokingly scoffs. “Am I lying?! He’s always going on about razors and how much he hates stubble!”

Even Raven laughs genuinely at their antics. Dexter opens his present from Apple, eyes widening with glee when he pulls out the indigo blazer.

“This is spelltacular, Apple!” he exclaims. “I love this color!”

Apple’s cheeks flush under his praise. She grins brightly. “Of course, Dex!”

Butterflies flap through Raven’s stomach as she hands Dexter her present. Shivers race down her spine at his feather soft touch. The impulse to kiss him is so intense in that moment that it takes every shred of willpower she has left to walk away from him. She settles back in her chair next to Apple and breathes deeply, trying to soothe her racing nerves. She can see Apple give her a quick look of concern, but she knows if she looks back at her, she’ll burst into tears. So she stares determinedly ahead at Dexter, heart pounding as he gently tears off the wrapping paper. His eyes widen.

“This is beautiful.” His soft voice is filled with awe.

Her dour mood is lifted slightly. She can tell the joy on his face is entirely genuine. At least she did something right. She clears her throat.

“Yeah, you said you wanted a compass for our hikes, so I thought this would be good.”

That despair she knows all too well comes washing over her again. Their monthly hikes that they take, just the two of them, aren't going to mean anything to him now. She’d picked the compass out at Target last week when she was immersed in her memories. His smile doesn’t falter for a second though.

“Thank you so much!” he exclaims.

It strikes her then. He barely knows her now, but here he is treating her with such warmth and gratitude. This is the man she fell in love with. He’s still the same kind, empathetic soul that she loves with all her heart. The only difference is that she can’t have him. She has the sudden urge to scream at the injustice of it all. But as she always has to do nowadays, she shoves the impulse down deep. What matters is that Dexter’s happy. She’s not going to ruin that. Enough has already been ruined.

XXX

They spend the next couple hours playing games. Darling wins at several rounds of checkers. Then they play Scrabble, which she also wins at (that girl is a board games whiz).

After they finish Scrabble, Darling’s phone vibrates. She takes it out of her pocket and checks the notification.

“Daring says he and Rosabella will be here soon,” she announces.

Dexter’s face lights up. “Awesome!”

“We’re probably going to get going now,” Darling says, a slightly apologetic expression on her face.

“Alright.” Dexter smiles softly. “Thank you so much for visiting.”

“It’s our pleasure!” Apple exclaims, ever the cheerful one.

Raven would pay anything to have some of the girl’s optimism right now.

As Raven hugs Dexter goodbye, she can’t help but linger a few seconds longer than usual. She can’t help but breathe in the scent of his shampoo. She can’t help the tears that rise in her eyes that she furiously blinks back.

“Bye, Dex,” she whispers, throat tight with emotion.

“Bye, Raven,” he says, nothing but happiness in his voice.

She should be glad that he’s happy, but in that moment she’s resentful; resentful that he feels no emotion other than casual happiness when he sees her. No deep-rooted feelings of love and adoration remain. She almost sobs right then and there.

Luckily, she makes it to the car before bursting into tears.

“I’m sorry,” she sobs, burying her face in her hands. “I know it’s Christmas. I just can’t anymore.”

She can barely manage to get the words out through her hiccups.

“Awww, Raven,” Apple murmurs, voice soft with sympathy. “You don’t have to be strong. Not around us. Come here.”

Leaning over the center console, she pulls Raven close, hugging her tightly and stroking her hair. Raven melts into the embrace, finally letting out her pain in the safety of her best friend’s arms.

XXX

By the time they get back to Apple’s and Darling’s house, Raven still hasn’t calmed. All she can do is cry as waves of grief crash through her. Her friends help her inside. Her legs are trembling so violently, she’d collapse if the girls didn’t have their arms around her. They lead her into their bedroom and help her into bed. She buries her face in a pillow, body convulsing with sobs. Apple lies down next to her, gathering her in their arms.

“It’s okay,” she murmurs. “It’s okay, sweetheart.”

Darling lies on her other side, gently trailing her fingers through Raven’s hair. Her friends’ whispered reassurances begin to sound further and further away until all she registers is the pounding of her heart against her skull.

It’s not until there’s a knock on the front door that Raven starts to regain awareness of her surroundings.

“Who could that be?” Darling whispers.

“I don’t know,” Apple whispers back. “Look through the peephole before you open it.”

Darling laughs softly. “Of course I will.”

The girl’s hand leaves Raven’s hair as she gets up. Her footsteps gradually fade. Raven still can’t calm down no matter how hard she tries to breathe deeply. Apple’s soft lips pressed gently to her head, her fingers running through her hair, are only small comforts amidst the rampage of sorrow within her.

The door closes and then there’s a voice that has Raven pulling away from the embrace and sitting up in a flash. She would know that voice anywhere.

“Raven!” Maddie calls, voice as gleeful as ever. “I’m homeee!”

“Wait!” Darling exclaims. “There’s something I need to tell you, Maddie!”

But Maddie is clearly too excited. Her running footsteps draw nearer and nearer. Raven hurriedly starts drying her eyes with her sleeve, but quickly realizes it’s a lost cause. Maddie rushes in a second later and squeals at the top of her lungs when she sees Raven.

“Raven!” she exclaims.

The expression on her face is one of pure joy as she rushes forward, hops onto the bed, and pulls Raven into a crushing embrace. Raven grunts at the impact. She tries to hug Maddie back, but her arms are shaking so badly, she can barely manage to hold them up. Hiccups and sniffles still rack her frame.

“Wait–” Maddie’s excited tone is gone, replaced by heavy concern. “Are you–”

She pulls back slightly, eyes widening when she notices the state Raven is in.

“Raven, why are you crying?!” she exclaims.

Suddenly, Raven wants nothing more than to be held by her best friend, to bask in the comfort her presence gives her.

“Maddie!” she sobs, launching herself into the girl’s arms.

Maddie hugs her back tightly before addressing Apple and Darling.

“What in the world did I miss?!”

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 37: For Just One Day Let's Only Think About Love)

Present Time (Thursday December 24, 2020) 5:00 pm

The second Briar opens the door to let Blondie and Cupid in, Willow bounds over to them and exclaims, “Santa’s coming!”

Blondie smiles brightly. “Oh my goodness, he is?! That’s so exciting!”

She sets her pie down on the floor before scooping Willow up into her arms, hugging her tightly. Willow squeals with delight. Briar chuckles as she closes the door. After Blondie sets Willow down, Cupid sweeps the toddler into her arms. Briar pulls Blondie into a hug.

“Merry Christmas!” she exclaims.

“Merry Christmas!” Blondie cheerfully replies.

Cupid places Willow down then and embraces Briar tightly. Willow runs back toward the living room. Blondie picks up her pie.

“We made a chocolate pie! Where should I put it?”

“Here, I’ll take it,” Briar replies, pulling back from the hug. “Thanks so much for making it!”

“It's our pleasure!”

Briar puts the pie in the refrigerator. She’s relieved that she and Ashlynn didn’t have to do all the cooking. People have brought various dishes. She shuts the refrigerator door before joining everybody in the living room. Apple, Darling, and Raven have arrived as well; they’re sitting on the couch with Ashlynn. Blondie and Cupid walk over and join them. Willow is running circles around the room. Every moment or so she exclaims again, “Santa’s coming!” Everybody is watching the adorable sight with wide smiles while talking amongst themselves. Even Raven has a small smile on her face. As Briar sits down next to Ashlynn, she takes in Raven's appearance. As is the default nowadays, her face is even paler than usual, and her eyes are bloodshot with dark bags beneath them. Briar suppresses the urge to frown at the sight. It’s Christmas, she reminds herself. She already worries about Raven enough. Tonight is not the time. She turns her attention to Darling who appears to be in great spirits. Her eyes are bright with humor as she laughs at Blondie’s jokes. Apple’s arm is wrapped around her shoulders, laughing along with her. Briar, realizing she’s zoning out, tunes into the conversation. Cupid has taken the stage now.

“Oh kingdoms, you will not believe what happened!” she exclaims. “I accidentally put expired milk in the pie and then I had to bake it all over again!”

“I think they’ll believe it,” Blondie mumbles, a smirk on her face.

Cupid scoffs, playfully smacking Blondie’s shoulder. “Oh quiet you!”

Briar laughs along with her friends. As she looks around the room at everybody’s smiling faces, reflected by the colorful Christmas tree lights, she decides it’s going to be an amazing night.

XXX

Willow hasn’t run out of steam yet. She’s still running around, enthusing about Santa Claus coming. Everybody else has arrived now. Hunter, Daring, Rosabella, Holly, and Poppy have joined them in the living room.

“Awww, she’s so cute!” Apple exclaims.

Briar chuckles. “Yeah, we’ve been talking about Santa Claus with her for weeks now. I think she’s a little young to fully understand the concept, but as you can see, she’s still very excited about it.”

“She’s going to be really excited to see what Santa got her,” Ashlynn adds, smiling brightly at the thought of Willow’s thrilled face when she sees her presents in the morning.

Hunter leans in and whispers conspiratorially, “She’s definitely going to be thrilled to play with the giant dollhouse that Santa built her.”

Ashlynn giggles. “We all know how proud you are of your dollhouse, Hunter.”

Hunter scoffs, but can’t stop the grin from forming on his face. “Of course I’m proud of it! You try building a dollhouse from scratch, Ash!”

Ashlynn laughs. She thinks of how far she and Hunter have come in the past couple years. Two Christmases ago they couldn't stop arguing, and now they’re playfully joking around together.

“Okay, I’ll admit it,” she says. “You’re amazing, Hunter.”

“Why, thank you!” he exclaims.

After their laughter fades out, Ashlynn takes another appetizer from the coffee table and pops it into her mouth.

“This bruschetta is amazing! I need this recipe, Apple!”

Apple smiles widely, clearly pleased that her food contribution is so well-liked.

“Thanks, Ash! I can definitely send it to you!”

Just as Ashlynn is opening her mouth to thank her, Willow is suddenly in front of her, throwing herself into her arms. Ashlynn grunts at the sudden impact.

“Mommy!” the toddler exclaims, squeezing her tight.

Ashlynn laughs softly, hugging her daughter back. “Hi, baby.”

Willow pulls back and looks at Ashlynn, her big emerald eyes bright with excitement. “When is presents?!”

Ashlynn, along with everybody else, laughs endearingly.

“You’ll get some from us later tonight, and you’ll get some from Santa tomorrow!”

“Yay!” Willow cheers, before jumping down from Ashlynn’s lap and beginning to race around the room again.

Briar turns to Ashlynn and grins. “I don’t know if we’re getting that girl to bed tonight. She is wired for sound.”

Ashlynn nods. “I know. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen her this excited, which is saying a lot.”

Briar giggles. “Well, at least she has her priorities straight.”

Ashlynn laughs. “That she does.”

XXX

As is usual with meals nowadays, Raven only takes small portions of food and does little more than nibble on it. Apple does her best to not focus on the depleted expression on her friend’s face and instead on the cheerful chatter of her friends. Rosabella is recounting the story of how Daring tried to bake for the party and ended up burning two pies. She’s trying to get the words out through her peals of hysterical laughter. Apple can tell by the flush of her cheeks that the wine has already reached her system. Daring is sitting next to her pouting with his arms crossed.

“And not just the pies, but almost the house! All our fire alarms went off! Every single one!”

Apple, drawn in by the story, forgets her worries and laughs along with her friends.

“Now that you did not tell me when we were talking earlier!” Darling exclaims, jumping at the chance to tease her brother.

He scoffs, but it’s clear by the humorous glint of his eyes that he’s not genuinely offended. “Well, of course I didn’t! You’re mean as hell!”

Darling gasps in mock offense. “I’m mean as hell?! You’re the one who always gave me noogies when we were kids!”

“You did that to your poor little sister?!” Rosabella exclaims. She pokes his chest lightly. “Meanie!”

Apple watches their antics with a wide smile on their face. She’ll never get tired of watching Darling and Daring bicker, and it’s even funnier when Rosabella is thrown in the mix.

Her attention is diverted when Holly speaks. “This cranberry sauce is so good, Apple! Where’d you get the recipe?”

Apple turns to look at her. The girl’s face has also taken on a pink hue. Clearly the alcohol is hitting everybody now. Apple only had a few sips of the wine, so she isn’t feeling anything. She clears her throat before answering Holly.

“Oh, thank you! It’s my mom’s recipe actually. I can give you a copy.”

Holly grins. “Thanks so much!”

Apple smiles back. “No problem!”

Technically it’s a secret recipe, but Apple has already broken so many of her mother’s expectations and rules over the past few years. What’s one more? Apple is reminded of the Christmas party two years ago where she’d ended up crying in her bedroom over the pain of her mother’s rejection. It had happened so recently then and was sitting so heavily on her heart. It’s still an ache she carries with her everyday, the fact that her mother doesn’t accept her for who she is, but it’s gotten monumentally easier to live with. The fact that she can now talk about her mother casually speaks volumes.

As she goes back to eating her mashed potatoes and listening to her friends’ conversations, another thought pops into her mind. She’s surprised that Holly initiated a conversation with her. It’s not that there’s contention among them; they get along perfectly fine. It’s just that ever since about their senior year of high school, she’s felt a distance between them, a tension even. It’s like there’s something Holly holds against her. Apple can’t even begin to guess what it could be. She knows she’s hurt people throughout her life, been insensitive and controlling…but Holly? She can’t think of anything she could’ve done to offend Holly. She doesn’t dare bring the issue up though. Darling and Holly are such good friends; she wouldn’t want to cause any problems between them. There’s also a fairly high chance that she’s just imagining things and that Holly actually has no problem with her at all. Apple decides to go with that option, at least for tonight.

XXX 6:42 pm

Darling is on the money as they play their annual Christmas Eve game of Charades.

“She’s obviously a flamingo!” she exclaims, gesturing to Poppy who is haphazardly balancing on one leg.

Poppy breathes a sigh of relief as she puts her leg down. “Thank goodness! I was losing my balance there!”

Darling giggles. “That was like five seconds!”

Poppy shrugs. “What can I say? I have terrible balance.”

“She couldn't walk until she was 16 months old,” Holly adds, a smirk on her face.

Poppy shoots her a glare. “Hey! I talked before you did!”

Holly sticks her tongue out at her and Poppy does it right back. Darling laughs. The sisters are so much like her and Daring. With Dexter, things are somewhat different. They joke around, but they don’t really tease each other. That’s always been her and Daring’s thing. At the thought of Dexter, a sudden wave of sadness washes over her. She wishes more than anything that he could be here with them right now. That she could see his eyes light up at all the jokes being told, the soft smile on his face as he enjoys everybody’s company.

As the game proceeds, she tries her best to keep the smile on her face, but she can feel it gradually slipping. She prays that nobody notices her diminished cheer. Of course there’s somebody who does. Apple who is sitting by her side takes her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Darling turns to look at her girlfriend who is gazing at her, eyes wide with concern. Shame adds to the boiling grief within her. Apple is supposed to be having nothing but fun right now. Darling absolutely cannot put a damper on her night. So she gathers her strength and gives her girlfriend a soft smile.

“I’m fine, baby,” she murmurs.

Apple doesn’t look convinced. So Darling does something she knows will distract Apple (and truthfully just something she’s been itching all evening to do anyway). She pulls her into a kiss. Apple’s lips are warm and soft and everything that Darling needs to feel okay again, but she can’t give in to her urges right now. Not with their friends surrounding them. She won’t deny that the two glasses of wine she’s had are having an effect on her, making her more impulsive and unfiltered than she’d usually be; but she still can’t do everything she wants to do to Apple right here. So as she draws back from the kiss she whispers into her girlfriend’s ear, “Later, baby.” She can tell by the lovestruck expression on Apple’s face, along with the bright anticipation in her eyes, that the girl has been effectively distracted (and so has she). They turn their attention back to the game, but neither is able to pay as much attention as before. Darling begins to lose her winning streak. All she can think about is Apple and how magical later tonight is going to be.

XXX 7:03 pm

“Oh kingdoms Darling, this is so beautiful!”

Apple’s voice is even higher pitched than usual as she looks with teary eyes at the silver flower-shaped hair brooch Darling gifted her.

“I love it so much!” she exclaims, before pulling the girl into yet another kiss.

Holly looks away. Like every time Darling and Apple are so sickeningly sweet and affectionate with each other, it feels like a knife is stabbing her heart. She can’t bear to watch their displays of love. She knows how disgustingly selfish of her it is to even think such a thing. Darling is her best friend and Apple makes her happy. So incredibly happy. A good friend would be thrilled for both of them. So Holly has had to accept the ugly truth: she’s not a good friend. She might act like one, being sweet and nurturing and helpful, but there’s a bitterness underneath all her affection and cheer. As long as she’s in love with Darling and resentful of her and Apple’s relationship, she’s a bad friend.

This ugly thought only snowballs into a barrage of other ugly thoughts. Why did she come to stay at the hotel in Bookend in the first place after Dexter’s accident? What’s the point? Because Darling needs her? Well, that’s clearly not true. Darling has everything she needs and more with Apple. Apple may have been a self-centered child, but she’s grown into an amazing woman and is an excellent girlfriend. She and Darling are lucky to have each other. They’re both incredible people. Holly wishes she could be even half as good. In this moment of jealousy and self-pity, she makes up her mind. She and Poppy are going to go back home the day after tomorrow. All it takes is another look at Darling and Apple who are still kissing to reinforce the cold hard truth: she’s not needed.

XXX

Raven has been trying to be happy. She really has been. She’s done her best to participate in the activities, contribute to conversations, laugh at her friends’ jokes (whether the laughing is real or not is beside the point). But no matter how hard she tries to feel normal, to be her old happy self, she’s still sad. The thought of Dexter, of his vacant stare every time he looks at her, cycles through her head on an endless loop. Every time she visits him in that awful hospital, not the slightest bit of recognition is in those beautiful sapphire eyes. Those four soul-crushing words, “Do I know you?,” haunt her every waking moment. When other people are talking to her, she can only partially focus because those damn words are on a constant repeat in her head. What makes her even sadder is watching her friends and seeing how easily happiness comes to them. Darling is devastated. She cries when she thinks nobody can hear her (Raven doesn’t even have the strength to comfort her).

But even she can put those negative feelings aside and be happy on a night like tonight. She can joke around and laugh and kiss her girlfriend an exorbitant amount of times. Raven tries to shove the bitter feeling of jealousy down, but whenever she sees the two girls kiss, she can’t stop that rotten sensation from rising in her chest. There’s a good chance that she’ll never get to kiss her boyfriend again. But Darling and Apple--they can kiss anytime they want. As much as they support Raven, they have a connection with each other that is exclusive to them. Raven had that kind of connection. Whenever Dexter kissed her or embraced her or even just asked her how her day was going, she felt it. Now it’s gone though and all she can do is hold onto the hope that it’ll come back. But as the weeks pass and Dexter still doesn’t remember her, she has less and less faith that it will.

Unable to bear the sight of Darling and Apple kissing any longer, she turns her attention to the other side of the room. Ashlynn, Hunter, and Briar are helping Willow open presents.

“A fire truck!” the toddler joyfully exclaims, holding up a shiny red fire engine toy.

The bright grin on her face is so contagious, it even makes Raven smile a little.

“What do you say to Auntie Cupid and Auntie Blondie?” Ashlynn asks Willow.

“Thank you!” the toddler exclaims, bounding over to the girls and giving each of them a big hug.

As Willow runs back over to her stack of presents, Ashlynn pulls her daughter into her arms.

“Good job, baby!” she exclaims. “You’re being so polite!”

Briar reaches over and ruffles Willow’s hair, a wide smile on her face.

A thought suddenly occurs to Raven then that somehow hadn’t before: what if she and Dexter can never have children? They’ve been talking about wanting to have kids someday for years…and now there’s a substantial probability that it won’t happen? The eruption of pain within her is so intense, she feels like she’s been punched in the gut. The knowledge that she may never have that happiness, feel that pure joy that’s so plain on Briar, Ashlynn, and Hunter’s faces, overwhelms her. Her eyes begin to sting and her breath shortens. She hurries to the bathroom and barely manages to close the door in time before bursting into tears.

XXX 8:23 pm

“What cookies do you want to set out for Santa, baby?” Hunter asks.

He’s crouched down in front of Willow, holding out the tray of frosted sugar cookies. The party is over and it’s just him, Willow, Ashlynn, and Briar now. Just like they did last year, he’s going to stay the night and sleep in the guest bedroom. Briar and Ashlynn are tidying up the house. He just got Willow ready for bed and now it’s time to fulfill the iconic childhood tradition of putting out cookies and milk for Santa.

She furrows her brow in thought. “Ummm…”

He waits patiently for her to make up her mind. She really is her mother’s daughter. Not only does she look nearly identical to Ashlynn, but she also can’t make decisions for the life of her. She finally decides on three cookies (all of which she had frosted) and he sets them out on a plate.

“Now what do we put out?” he asks, smiling softly at his daughter.

This time she responds much quicker. “Milk!”

“Atta girl!”

After filling up a cup of milk, he hands it to Willow and she places it on the table next to the tray of cookies.

“You know what time it is now?!” he exclaims.

“Story time!”

He claps his hands. “Yeah, story time!”

Briar and Ashlynn pause their cleaning to come read “The Night Before Christmas” with Hunter and Willow. He reads in his most dramatic and captivating voice. The amused expressions on Ashlynn’s and Briar’s faces and Willow’s giggles are all the inspiration he needs to speak more and more dramatically with each page.

As he exclaims “The end!” Willow begins to clap. Laughing, the adults join in. As their giggles and clapping slow to a stop, Willow yawns widely.

“I know what time it is now,” Ashlynn sings.

Willow’s eyes flutter tiredly. The answer is obvious.

Hunter carries Willow to her bedroom, Ashlynn and Briar following closely behind.

“Good night, sweet girl,” Hunter murmurs, giving her head a soft kiss before gently setting her down in the crib.

“Good night, Daddy,” she murmurs sleepily.

Ashlynn and Briar take turns giving her kisses before the three of them leave the room and crack the door.

Briar yawns. “Want to just leave the cleaning until the morning? I know it’s early, but I’m beat.”

“Yeah,” Ashlynn agrees. “I’m tired too.”

Hunter shrugs. “Well, you know I’ll never complain about not having to clean.”

“Oh we know!” Briar exclaims, giving him a playful shove.

He pouts. “Hey!”

The amusement in his voice shines through though, and a second later they’re all laughing.

Before retiring to their bedrooms for the night, he gives them each a hug.

“Love you guys,” he says, his voice soft.

“Love you too,” they both reply.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Do you have a ao3 or wattpad link to your story?? I’m sorry but I can’t handle reading the whole thing in tumblr posts😭

Here's an AO3 link to it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13021416/chapters/29780616

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 36: Shame)

Tuesday April 18, 2017 (junior year of high school) 12:03 pm

“95% is not a bad grade, Rosabella!” Darling exclaims. “That’s an excellent grade!”

The girls are walking down the hallway toward the castleteria. Rosabella is lamenting about getting a 95% on her Princessology test.

Rosabella groans. “It’s not perfect though! I want to be perfect!”

Darling frowns, placing her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Nobody is perfect, but you’re pretty darn close.”

Rosabella scoffs, but can’t suppress a small smile. She gives Darling a playful shrug.

“I am not close to perfect! If anything, it’s you who is!”

“Me?” Darling scoffs. “Yeah right. I can’t even talk to my own brother.”

Darling can see the sympathetic expression that forms on Rosabella’s face out of the corner of her eye. This is a matter Rosabella is intimately aware of, as Darling has cried about it to the girl on several occasions.

“Darling, that isn’t your fault,” she insists. “It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just one of those things. You didn’t go out and try to steal his fairytale or anything. It just happened to be you that was meant to inhabit the Prince…I mean, Princess Charming role.”

As usual when this subject is brought up, Darling’s stomach writhes with anxiety. She quickly shakes her head.

“I wasn’t meant to inhabit it. It’s a mistake. A mistake I need to make right…somehow.”

“Then how did it happen if it wasn’t meant to be?” Rosabella counters. “That’s not how destiny works. What’s destined to happen is what happens.”

A flash of irritation sparks in Darling’s chest.

“Well, it was wrong this time, okay?!” Darling exclaims.

Shame immediately replaces her previous frustration as she sees Rosabella’s eyes widen. Nobody else seems to have heard her outburst luckily, as no one turns to look at her. She’s often getting stared at these days, as every student knows what happened between her and Apple, but luckily she’s not being gawked at as of right now. She sighs softly.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. It’s not you. It’s just…” She sighs shakily before admitting the truth… “this is hard for me.”

Rosabella’s sympathetic expression quickly returns. She reaches out, giving Darling’s shoulder a squeeze.

“I know,” she murmurs. “It’ll be alright. You and Daring will work it out. I know you will.”

Darling nods and gives her a small smile, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.

“You’re right,” she says, voice soft. “It’ll be fine.”

XXX After getting their lunch, Darling and Rosabella sit across from Cerise and Cedar. As Darling picks up her fork, ready to dive in to her spaghetti, out of the corner of her eye she sees Daring walk into the room, side by side with Hunter and Sparrow. She quickly looks away, staring at her food. There’s no point of averting her gaze anyway though. He’s not going to look at her. He hasn’t spared her one glance since the fateful day she woke Apple up with True Love’s Kiss. As she begins to eat her spaghetti, she ignores the looks of sympathy from her friends and Dexter. There’s no use discussing the rift between her and Daring any further. Nothing is going to change…unless she does something, that is. She just doesn’t have the courage right now though. So much has happened and she’s reeling from the shock of all that has transpired. She knows she and Daring will have to make up at some point, but right now she just needs time to process everything. Time is all she needs…right?

XXX There’s somebody else’s gaze that she needs to avoid, and that is Apple’s. Apple still has no idea that Darling is the one who woke her up. Still, every time that Apple looks at her, gives her a smile or a wave, a cyclone of emotions erupts within Darling…fear, confusion, and most of all shame. What happened between them in the Enchanted Forest is completely wrong. Daring should’ve been the one to wake Apple up from her enchanted sleep, not her. Darling has betrayed both Apple and Daring. So all she does is smile or wave back for the sake of politeness before looking away and doing whatever she can to look busy.

In Princessology today though, Darling can’t help but note how distressed Apple looks. From the slight redness of her eyes to the dark bags under her eyelids to the tremble of her hands as she takes notes…something is clearly going on. Raven did mention that the girl has been having nightmares, waking up screaming and crying. The thought sends a sharp stab of pain through Darling’s heart. She knows the guilt Apple is feeling about letting the Evil Queen out of her mirror prison is intense. Yes, Apple isn’t entirely innocent when it comes to the matter, but she knows from what Raven has told her that the Evil Queen baited the girl, used her insecurities against her.

Darling has never been especially close with Apple, but they are friends and she knows how seriously Apple takes her mistakes, so in no way is she going to hold the Evil Queen debacle against the girl. Still, Apple is clearly tormented by the mistake. There’s rarely a day where she doesn’t look pale and exhausted, and she even looks on the verge of tears some days. Darling wishes there was something she could do to help her, but as of now she can’t even look at the girl without nearly having a panic attack. She would just make things worse if she tried to help. So she just has to hope that Apple’s closer friends are doing whatever they can to help her.

XXX As has been their custom since the True Love’s Kiss debacle, Darling and Rosabella end the day with bowls of popcorn and a light-hearted movie. They watch “The Lorax” tonight and other than Rosabella’s five-minute speech mid-movie about environmental destruction and how everybody needs to play their role to stop it, to which Darling just nods along, it’s a relaxing evening. These movie nights help Darling forget for at least a couple hours about what a mess she’s made of things.

XXX Thursday April 27, 2017 8:08 am

Ten days later, Darling and Daring still haven’t made eye contact once. At breakfast, as usual, Daring walks right by her on his way to his table and she goes entirely ignored. As always, Darling does her best to push down the sting and just keep focusing on her friends’ conversations. She can’t help but glance at Apple as the girl walks by, and concern immediately rises in her chest as she takes in the girl’s state. Her face is even whiter than usual and her hands are shaking. Darling knows that the girl gets bad test anxiety and it’s the day of a big Kingdom Management hexam. Darling is quite nervous about it herself; butterflies have been swarming through her stomach all morning. But she’s in nowhere near as bad shape as Apple. The girl looks like she’s seen a ghost.

Darling continues to eat her porridge and does her best to contribute to the conversations, but she can’t help glancing over at Apple every couple minutes. The girl is sitting at a table across the room with Briar, Blondie, and Ashlynn, and she’s looking worse by the minute. When she quickly stands up and rushes out of the room, Darling knows she has to go after her and make sure she’s okay. The other girls don’t seem to have noticed Apple’s distress. Darling excuses herself before speedily exiting the castleteria. She has a feeling she knows exactly where Apple is going.

As she enters the bathroom, the sound of retching immediately assaults her ears. The terrible noise makes her cringe, but she has to push her disgust down and help Apple. She hurries toward the stalls. The poor girl didn’t even have time to shut the stall door. She’s on her knees, hunched over the toilet, body heaving. All awkwardness and confusion surrounding the nature of their relationship forgotten, Darling rushes to her side. She crouches down behind her, quickly pulling back her hair. Then she places her hand on Apple's back and gently rubs, trying to provide all the comfort she can.

When Apple’s vomiting finally comes to a stop, Darling hands her a wad of toilet paper.

“Thanks,” the girl croaks.

Clearly she thinks Darling is Ashlynn or Briar. She’ll be in for a surprise when she turns around. Darling’s heart begins to pound in anticipation. Shoving down her anxiety and putting her focus back on supporting Apple, she takes off the ponytail holder from around her wrist and carefully ties the girl’s hair back. Apple flushes the toilet.

Then the girl turns around and the whole world stops. Apple’s eyes widen. Darling hears nothing but the thump of her heart in her ears, sees nothing but the mesmerizing ocean blue of Apple’s eyes, before the girl speaks and reality snaps back into focus.

“Darling,” she chokes out, her voice hoarse.

Darling, despite the intense fluttering in her stomach, the harsh pounding in her chest, forces herself to speak.

“Hey,” she murmurs. “I saw you leave the castleteria in a rush, so I decided to follow you. Looks like you’re not feeling well. Are you alright?”

As she observes the defeated look on Apple’s face, the weary slump of her shoulders, her nurturing instincts overpower the fear simmering in her chest. She gently places her hand on Apple’s shoulder. The touch alone sends a wave of panic coursing through Darling, but she forces her hand to stay, to continue providing solace.

Apple clears her throat. “I’m okay. I’m not sick or anything. I’m just nervous about that Kingdom Management hexam.”

Darling nods, surprised by the small reassuring smile that forms on her face. It’s as natural as breathing, this urge to put Apple at ease.

“I’m nervous too,” she assures.

Heat floods her body as Apple giggles. She can’t help but think of how adorable the sound is. She’s never thought of anything the girl (or any of her friends) does as adorable before.

“Not so nervous that you’re throwing up,” Apple says. “At least you’ve got it together more than I have.”

Darling opens her mouth, about to chide her for the self-deprecating comment, but she promptly closes it, deciding it best to keep things more laid back. Apple did just throw up after all. She doesn’t need a lecture right now.

So Darling just shrugs and says, “I think you’ve got it pretty together, Apple.”

Is Apple blushing? Darling schools her features into a neutral expression, resisting the sudden, confusing urge to grin.

“By the way, thanks for helping me out,” Apple says.

Her cheeks are still pink as she gives Darling a small smile. The fluttering in Darling’s stomach intensifies. The heat flowing through her body rises in temperature.

Though the buzz of adrenaline coursing through Darling is growing higher and higher in velocity, she manages a nod and a smile. “No problem, Apple.”

XXX Saturday April 29, 2017 4:06 pm

“That has to be the best chai latte I’ve ever had!” Rosabella exclaims.

Darling scoffs playfully. “You say that everytime, girl!”

Rosabella sticks her tongue out at her. They’re walking down the hall toward their dorm. They just went out for their weekly coffee shop “date” and as usual Rosabella is raving about her drink.

“I’ll say it as much as I’d like, Darling,” Rosabella says, hands on her hips.

“Believe me, I know you will.”

Rosabella scoffs in mock offense. “Rude!”

Darling giggles and Rosabella quickly joins in.

As they approach their dorm room door, Darling brings out the key and unlocks it. They’re not even through the doorway before Darling realizes people are here. She shrieks, panic racing through her. It’s only a second before she realizes it’s only Dexter and…Daring. They’re both sitting on her bed. Dexter has a soft, apologetic look on his face. Daring’s eyes are cast to the floor, his hands fidgeting in his lap. Her eyes widen. She freezes, too shocked to take another step. What in the world is Daring doing here?! She turns to Rosabella.

“Did you know about this?” she whispers, though Daring and Dexter can undoubtedly still hear her.

Rosabella shrugs, but the sheepish expression on her face gives her away.

“Why didn’t you warn me?!” Darling hisses.

Her mind is hazy with panic. She can feel her heart pounding in her ears.

“I’m sorry,” Rosabella says, her voice soft. “We were having a good time and I didn’t want to put a damper on it.” She sighs gently. “Here, I’m going to go and give you guys some privacy. We can talk later, okay? I’m here for whatever you need.”

“Thanks,” Darling whispers.

Rosabella gives her shoulder a squeeze before exiting the room.

Darling doesn't know how long she stands there. It could be seconds. It could be minutes. She's snapped from her stupor by Dexter's soft, tentative voice.

“Darling…why don't you come sit?”

She clears her throat, but her voice is still hoarse when she speaks. “Okay.”

Her legs tremble as she slowly makes her way over to the bed. When she sits on the opposite end of the bed than Daring, she's never been more aware of the distance, both physical and emotional, between them. Her stomach is tight, swarming with anxiety. Her muscles are so taut, she feels like she might snap.

When Dexter speaks again, she stiffens even further.

“Guys…” He takes a deep, shaky breath. “This has gone on too long now. I can't stand to see you two like this.”

His voice breaks and Darling doesn't know if she's ever felt so terrible. She's hurt both of her brothers. She's a horrible sister. Her eyes sting, but she blinks back the tears. She can't play the victim. As she looks at the defeated expression on Daring's face, the slump of his shoulders, she's not sure anything she can say will make things better. But she has to try. He's her brother. So, with a deep, trembling breath, she addresses him.

“Daring…I'm so sorry.” Her voice cracks. “I promise you I did not mean to take your destiny away. It just–it just happened. In the blink of an eye it was already done and I had no idea what to do. I still don't…” Her voice trails off.

She can hear him shifting, but she doesn't look up, staring at her lap with blurry eyes.

When he speaks, voice hoarse and raw with pain, she flinches.

“I saw it, Darling! You kissed her! I saw it with my own eyes!” His voice grows more and more agitated with each word.

She shakes her head frantically. “It–It wasn't supposed to be! I swear! It was supposed to be mouth to mouth!”

Her heart is pounding wildly. Her body is growing hotter and hotter by the second .

He scoffs. “Yeah right.”

She can feel the tears slipping from her eyes and streaming down her cheeks. Their presence only adds to the shame boiling within her. When he speaks again, he sounds so utterly broken, she feels like a knife is twisting into her heart. She still is staring at the floor, too scared and ashamed to look at him.

“My destiny…” He sniffs, his voice trembling…”is all I had. I'm not smart like you and Dexter. I'm not a good student. The only things I had going for me were my famous destiny and my looks. And even though I still have my looks, my destiny…the most important part…is gone.”

He bursts into tears, and Darling's heart crumples in her chest. She finally looks up. Dexter who is sitting between them has his hand on Daring's shoulder, a mournful expression on his face. She squeezes her eyes shut, taking a deep, calming breath before doing what a good sister should do. She nods at Dexter and he gets the message, getting up from the bed and leaving the room. Darling scoots closer to Daring. His head is in his hands as he sobs. She tentatively places a trembling hand on his shoulder.

“Daring,” she whispers, her voice shaking. “I'm so sorry.”

She yelps as he suddenly turns and throws his arms around her. She reacts quickly, wrapping him in a tight embrace.

“It's okay,” she whispers. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I love you,” he chokes out.

A wave of warmth rushes through her, a welcome distraction from the shame and fear whirling through her.

“I love you too,” she whispers, her voice shaking. “I love you so much.”

XXX After her talk with Daring, Darling feels a million times lighter. Sure, the situation with Apple is still a looming threat that she'll eventually have to deal with the repercussions of, but she has her brother back and right now that's enough.

XXX Saturday March 3, 2018 (senior year of high school) 4:17 pm

“Ugh, Mom wants to talk to you? What for?”

Darling is sitting on her bed, surrounded by textbooks. She’d been doing her homework. She could immediately hear the frustration in his voice. When he announced that their mother wants to have a talk with him, it became clear why. Her eyes widen, stomach tightening, as she thinks of something.

“You don’t think she knows something, do you?”

It’s been nine months since Daring became a part of the Beauty and the Beast fairytale and started dating Rosabella. As of far, they and the rest of the students have managed to keep it a secret from the rest of the fairytale world. They’ve also managed to keep an even more essential secret: that Darling and Apple are True Loves and are dating. A wave of panic rushes through Darling at the thought that maybe that’s what their mother wants to talk to Daring about, but she quickly reasons that that doesn’t make sense. If Marie Charming in all her homophobic glory had discovered that her daughter is a lesbian and took her son’s place as the Prince Charming of the Snow White fairytale, it would be her phone ringing, not Daring’s.

“Probably not,” he replies, fear creeping into his voice.

“I’m sure it’s not that,” she assures him. “It’s probably the C you got on the Kingdom Management hexam.” She winces, realizing that wasn’t the most considerate thing to mention. “Sorry to bring that up. I just wanted to reassure you.”

Daring laughs softly. “I understand. It’s fine.”

She smiles, relieved that she didn’t upset him.

Daring sighs. “Well, I should probably prepare for the call. She said 4:30.”

“Alright. Good luck!”

Daring chuckles. “Thanks. I’ll need it.”

XXX 5:06 pm

Darling is so engrossed in a math problem that the sudden noise of her phone ringing makes her flinch. She’s trying to get all her homework done before she hangs out with Apple at six. She picks it up and rolls her eyes when she sees it's her mother.

“What does she want?” she grumbles.

Despite the repulsion she feels at even the thought of talking to her mother, she has to oblige.

So she answers the phone and in her most cheerful voice says, “Once upon a hi, Mom!”

“Darling!” her mother shrieks.

Her voice is raw, filled to the brim with hysteria. Darling's eyes widen, her heart dropping to the pit of her stomach. She's never heard her mother this panicked before. What in the world is going on?!

“Mom, what’s wrong?!” she exclaims. “Did something happen to Dad?!”

“Something happened alright,” rage seeping into her voice, “but it’s got nothing to do with your father.”

Relief floods Darling’s chest, but as her mother starts speaking again, it’s replaced by waves of panic.

“It has to do with you being a filthy dyke!” She spits the last word out with such venom, Darling shivers.

Darling feels like her whole world is crashing down. The perfect lie that she, Apple, and Daring had constructed--that everything is normal and Daring is still destined to be Apple’s true love--has been decimated in the blink of an eye. Now she’s hated by her own mother. The waves of shock and panic coursing through her body are so powerful, she can barely get words out. But she has to know.

“Who told you?” she croaks.

Her mother scoffs. “It wasn’t hard to get it out of your brother. I knew something was going on with you guys! I can’t believe you, Darling! How did this happen anyways? I mean, everybody knows that princesses can’t be together! Destiny should know that!”

The urge to argue back is powerful, but Darling frantically shoves it down. It’ll only make things so much worse if she does. She just needs to let her mother wear herself out. But the monologue she expects to burst forth doesn’t come. Instead, it’s just three words, bitter with hate, that her mother says: “You’re no daughter of mine.”

XXX 6:00 pm

Darling barely registers the knock at the door, but as Apple begins talking a few moments later, she starts to take notice.

“Darling, are you in there?” Apple calls. “I’m here!”

Darling is in no state to speak, much less get up to answer the door. All she can do is lie there and let out gut-wrenching sobs as sheer devastation rolls over her in crashing waves.

“Darling, are you here?!”

Darling doesn't answer. She can't. It's all too much. She feels like she's going to be sick. Nausea bursts through her as her stomach writhes like a snake. Her throat is tight, breath coming in sharp gasps.

“Wait, baby, are you crying?!”

Shit, Apple heard her! Darling turns, burying her face in her pillow; but her sobs are too intense to muffle. The fabric of the pillow only suppresses her breath more, so she turns onto her side again.

“Oh my God, you are! Baby, please let me in! I'm really worried now!”

Darling curls tighter and tighter into a ball. She couldn't answer her girlfriend even if she tried.

“Crap,” Apple hisses. Her voice softens then. “Baby girl, please let me in. I just want to be there for you.”

Darling shakes her head, despite the fact that Apple can't see her. She wants to tell her to leave her alone, but she can barely breathe, much less talk. Her throat is tightening more and more by the second.

“Okay, that's it! I'm coming in! You could be in danger for all I know!”

The door opens and closes. The pure horror coursing through Darling is already so strong, Apple's unwanted presence barely has an effect on her spiraling state.

Apple gasps. “Oh my God! Baby! Oh no!”

She rushes to Darling's side, crouching down beside the bed. Darling clasps her hands over her face. She needs to be alone in her grief; it's too overwhelming to share with anybody else. There's no way Apple is going away though.

“Baby, please look at me!” Apple insists, voice shaking with concern.

“Oh my God you're shaking so bad.” She takes a deep, calming breath. “It's okay, baby girl. I'm here now. I'm right here.”

Darling feels the sinking of the mattress as Apple slips into bed next to her. Warm arms wrap carefully around her. Soft lips gently press to her scalp.

“Baby, are you hurt?” Apple's voice trembles.

It takes the tiny bit of strength Darling has left to slowly shake her head. Apple breathes a sigh of relief.

“Okay, baby,” she murmurs. “Okay. Everything is going to be alright. I'm right here with you.”

The panic tearing at Darling's chest only continues to increase until her throat feels like it's closed up entirely. Ragged gasps are all she can emit.

“Apple, I can't breathe!” She can barely get the words out through her heavy sobs.

“Shhh, it's okay,” Apple soothes. “Baby, look at me.”

Apple, backing off from the embrace slightly, gently prizes Darling's hands off of her face. Darling squeezes her eyes shut. Apple rests her hand on her face, gently stroking her cheek.

“Everything is going to be alright, sweet girl. Just follow my breathing. You can do this.”

With her other hand she takes Darling’s hands in hers, squeezing tight. Darling slowly opens her eyes. Her vision is blurry from the tears and lack of oxygen, but she can make out the indistinct figure of her girlfriend.

Apple takes deep, exaggerated breaths. “Just breathe, baby. Just breathe.”

Darling squeezes her eyes shut, trying to follow along, but oxygen continues to evade her.

“I can’t!” she sobs.

“Yes you can,” Apple assures her.

She moves her hand from Darling’s cheek to her hair, which she begins to stroke. Darling’s muscles relax slightly at the soothing sensation.

“It’s okay, my love,” the girl whispers. “I’m right here.”

It’s a long and agonizing process, but Darling is finally able to regain her breath. Her sobs still won’t cease though. She buries her face in Apple’s chest, breathing in her cinnamon scent. Apple holds her tighter, planting soft kisses on the top of her head. Darling finally can’t keep it in anymore. The truth bursts out.

“My mom hates me!” She can barely get the words out through her sobs.

It’s a moment before Apple answers her.

“No she doesn’t.” The girl’s voice is laced with confusion and sympathy. “She’d never hate you, Darling. She might get angry with you, but hate you? No.”

“She does though! She found out, Apple!”

Apple gasps softly, body tensing. “You mean she found out about…” Her voice trails off.

Darling nods frantically against Apple’s chest.

It feels like minutes before Apple responds, though it could've just been seconds. Darling has lost all sense of time to the storm of grief and fear within her. She can feel Apple trembling as she speaks.

“It's going to be okay,” is all the girl can manage before her voice breaks.

Apple pulls Darling even closer, stifling a sob by pressing her lips to Darling's head. Apple's distress is obvious, though it's clear that she's trying to keep it together for her girlfriend. Darling appreciates this more than words could ever express.

As Darling breaks down full force again, Apple squeezes her tight, gently shushing her. They stay that way, wrapped in each other's arms, for the rest of the evening.

XXX After what feels like hours of crying and the unfortunate circumstance of vomiting into her trash can, Apple is helping Darling into her pajamas. Though her sobs have calmed, sniffles and hiccups still rack her frame.

“I’m sorry I puked.” Darling sniffs. “And that you had to clean the trash can out.”

Apple shakes her head, a soft, reassuring smile on her face. “That’s not your fault, sweetheart. You’re upset. And of course I don’t mind cleaning it up. You’re my girlfriend. It’s my job to take care of you. I love you, okay?”

Darling’s eyes sting again, but this time with tears of gratitude.

“Thank you.” She hiccups, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. “I love you too.”

As Apple finishes buttoning up Darling’s flannel pajama shirt, she gently draws Darling forward into a kiss. Darling’s muscles finally begin to relax as the kiss warms every inch of her body. The softness of Apple’s lips on hers is a promise: no matter what happens, the girl will be there for her. Being true loves means that they’re meant to be together forever, and Darling can’t wait to live her life with Apple by her side. She knows everything will feel horrible again in a few minutes, but in this moment, she just savors being in the girl’s arms.

XXX Sunday March 4, 2018 10:26 am

Apple has never felt the sheer amount of rage she does as Daring’s dorm room door opens and she comes face to face with the boy. His eyes widen.

“Apple?!” he exclaims. “What-What are you doing here?”

Her fists are clenched at her sides, nails digging into her palms. Her body is vibrating with the fury coursing through every inch of her body.

“I’m here to ask you why the hell you betrayed your sister!” she shouts.

She didn’t even know she could yell that loud. Daring’s eyes dart side to side, making sure nobody else is in the hallway. It takes all the restraint she has to not slap that stupid shocked expression off his face. She scoffs.

“You really care the most about people seeing your precious ass getting yelled at?! You care more about that than the fact that you sold out your own sister?!”

His startled expression quickly morphs into one of anger.

“Of course I care that I hurt her! I didn’t fucking mean to! My mom had to fucking go and manipulate me!”

The thought that she knows exactly what that feels like crosses Apple’s mind, but she quickly shoves it away. She’s not interested in empathizing with Daring right now. She’s interested in setting him straight.

“Her heart is broken, Daring!” she yells. “Absolutely shattered! She's done hardly anything but cry since it happened! She didn't even touch her dinner or breakfast!”

Tears prick her eyes as she thinks about the state her girlfriend is in. She scoffs as she notices the tears filling Daring’s eyes.

“Really?!” she exclaims. “You’re going to play the victim right now?! The real victim is your sister who’s currently unable to get out of fucking bed!”

She very rarely curses, but this is an occasion where she’ll gladly break out every curse word in the book. She flinches as Daring bursts into tears.

“I’m so sorry!” he sobs, hands flying up to cover his face. “The last thing I wanted to do was hurt Darling!” He can barely get the words out.

Apple scoffs again. “Well, maybe you should’ve thought of that before revealing her biggest secret!”

“I know!” he wails. “I know! I’m so sorry!”

Apple fights the part of her that wants to forgive him, to feel bad for how harsh she’s being. But the bigger part of her--the part that is heartbroken for her girlfriend--reigns supreme.

“If you’re really sorry,” she hisses, “you’ll make it right!”

Deciding that she’s made her point clear, she turns on her heel and leaves him to wallow in his well-deserved guilt.

She heads back to Darling’s dorm. When she enters and sees the girl sitting hunched over on her bed, staring with bloodshot eyes at the mattress, in addition to the crippling sadness that overcomes her, she wonders: would her girlfriend approve of her yelling at Daring? She doesn’t have to know, Apple reasons with herself. Not now at least. And he deserved it! He did! Pushing down any semblance of shame she feels, she approaches Darling’s bed. Rosabella is sitting next to her, hand on her shoulder. She gives Apple a small smile and wave before going back to her conversation with Darling.

“Believe me, I let him have it. He’s going to need to remedy this situation before I talk to him again.” She scoffs angrily.

“Thanks,” Darling croaks, sounding so defeated, Apple wants nothing more than to scoop the girl into her arms and protect her from anything that could ever cause her harm.

So Rosabella went off on Daring too. Apple shouldn’t be ashamed then…right? Apple shakes her head, resolving to forget about it for now. Darling still needs her. So she takes a seat on her other side and takes her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Darling lightly squeezes back. She turns, giving Apple a weak smile. Apple softly smiles back before gently kissing her temple. All she can do right now is be there for her girlfriend, and she will do just that.

XXX Present Time (Thursday December 24, 2020) 1:03 pm

“So you’re bringing a dessert to the party too?” Daring asks.

Darling is talking to Daring on the phone while she picks out her outfit for the Christmas party, which is going to be at Briar and Ashlynn's house.

“Yeah, pumpkin pie!” Darling exclaims. “Apple’s baking it right now. Can’t wait to have your, er I mean, Rosabella’s apple pie!”

Daring scoffs playfully. “What is that supposed to mean?!”

“That Rosabella’s the cook in that household!”

“That is so not true!”

But Daring can barely get the words out before bursting into laughter, and Darling quickly follows suit. As their laughter peters out, a comfortable silence falls over them.

A few moments later, Daring speaks, his voice suddenly soft. “I love you, Darling. And…I’m sorry…for what I’ve done in the past to hurt you.”

“Awww, Daring…you’ve apologized so many times, but of course I’ll tell you again-I forgive you and love you so so much.”

He sniffs. Tears of sympathy fill her eyes. He still blames himself every day for how he outed her. She wishes there was something magical she could say to convince him that it’s okay now, that all is forgiven, but there isn’t. All she can do is reassure him when his guilt invades his mind.

“I love you so so much too.”

The tears slip from her eyes as she hears the pure love in his voice. She’s beyond blessed to have two brothers that love her with all their hearts. And she loves them right back.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 35: Love Like You

Thursday October 12, 2017 (senior year of high school) 6:32 pm

“What are you talking about, Fay?!” Briar exclaims. “You’re going to do amazing! You are amazing!”

They’re sitting side by side on Briar’s bed, shoulders touching. Ashlynn is out with Hunter, probably going for a walk in the Enchanted Forest or some boring crap like that. Faybelle shrugs. She both loves and hates when Briar encourages her like this. She loves it because of the warm, fuzzy feeling the praise (and truthfully just Briar herself) gives her. She hates it because nothing Briar is saying is true. Faybelle is not going to do amazing. And she most certainly is not amazing. She may act like she is, but truthfully it’s all an act. All she’s been told her entire life is that she’s bad--by her mom, teachers, peers. Briar has somehow always known this, the girl’s emotional intuitiveness as always shining through. And even before they became girlfriends, when she sensed Faybelle was upset about something, she’d go after her and give her one of her famous pep talks. Now that they’re together, the pep talks are ceaseless. Faybelle acts like she hates them, but in reality they fill her with an all-encompassing warmth, the love and gratitude she has for her girlfriend welling in her chest. But as always she acts nonchalant, keeping her act up, even if she knows Briar sees right through it. Briar always does.

She scoffs. “No I will not do amazing, Briar! I’m going to not hit a full split in my straddle leap, just like last time! I just know it!”

Briar sighs and shakes her head. “You’ve been working so hard on perfecting it, Fay. I doubt you’ll mess up again. And even if you do, nobody is going to even notice or care.”

Faybelle groans. “But I’ll notice! And I care!”

She clenches her fists, anxiety buzzing through her. Briar’s eyes soften. Faybelle flinches slightly as the girl takes her hands, giving them a squeeze.

“I know you do,” Briar murmurs. “And what you care about, I care about too. But I just want you to know that you’re amazing either way. Your performance doesn’t determine your worth.”

Faybelle scoffs again. “Tell that to my mother.”

Briar’s mouth opens, but promptly closes. Like always, when Faybelle says a remark about her mother, it’s clear that the girl wants to know more, but also doesn’t want to pry. That’s one of the things Faybelle loves about her girlfriend. She’s caring but not invasive. She’s a source of unconditional support for Faybelle, but also knows when to back off. A thought that often occurs to Faybelle pops into her mind for the hundredth time: what did a person like her do to deserve a girl like Briar? A girl so unfailingly kind and empathetic, so effortlessly humorous and fun, so beautiful inside and out? Why in the world does she want to date a girl like Faybelle? An inconsiderate, overly competitive, even hateful individual? Faybelle would never voice these thoughts of course, but they’re often there, rising into her mind at the worst possible times. When she just wants to relax with Briar or kiss her or joke around with her, there come the thoughts.

Right now, as always, she does her best to push them to the back of her mind. She softens, giving Briar a small smile.

“Thank you,” she says, her voice uncharacteristically soft.

The words feel strange on her tongue. It’s rarely a term she used prior to dating Briar. But in the few months they’ve dated, Briar’s presence has caused her to change for the better. She knows she has a long way to go and she still messes up a lot, but she’s trying to be a better person for Briar. For the girl that's so effortlessly sweet and nurturing and just plain good. It weirds Faybelle out sometimes how good Briar is.

Briar smiles softly before kissing her. Like every time the girl kisses her, the rest of the world melts away and all Faybelle registers is the warmth and softness of Briar’s lips on hers, the surge of adrenaline it sends through her, the butterflies that erupt in her stomach. It’s the good kind of adrenaline, like the kind she feels when she’s being tossed into the air during cheer routines, but even better. Much, much better.

When they pull apart a moment later, too soon for Faybelle’s liking, a goofy grin is on Briar’s face, the expression the girl gets every time they kiss. It’s quickly replaced by another soft smile.

“Anytime, baby,” she whispers, stroking her thumb over Faybelle’s face. It sends pleasant shivers down Faybelle’s spine. “I know your cheer routine will be incredible. I just know it.”

Faybelle smiles back. “I hope you’re right.”

XXX Friday October 13, 2017

Faybelle and Briar are both so busy today, both having to rush after classes end to prepare for tonight, that they don’t get a chance to see each other. Faybelle and the rest of the cheer team are running through their routine over and over again, while Briar is off setting up the bookball game afterparty. This one is going to be a page ripper, as everybody is stoked for Thronecoming tomorrow night. Still, Briar finds the time to shoot Faybelle a text:

[Briar 3:12 pm] Good luck baby, I know you’ll do great!

Faybelle can’t wait to go to Thronecoming with Briar as her date. The thought sends a rush of pure adrenaline through her. The excitement even distracts her so much at one point that she misses a whole eight count of the performance during rehearsal. Her teammates look at her, shocked expressions on each of their faces. She never gets distracted! Her cheeks flush, shame flooding every inch of her body.

“Get back to work!” she barks out.

She clenches her fists. She can’t mess up again. If she does, she’ll never forgive herself.

XXX 6:00 pm

As Faybelle walks out onto the field with the rest of the cheer team (Holly and Farrah also seem awfully nervous, though Nina is as confident as always) and sees the hundreds of students in the bleachers looking at her, her heart pounds even faster than it has been all day. Her hands are trembling. She’s usually never this anxious before a performance, but after messing up her straddle leap last time, she’s petrified at the idea of screwing up again. It’s not just a reflection of her if she does. It’s a reflection of the whole team. The team that she’s worked tirelessly at training (sometimes far too harshly) to be better every performance, to take things to the next level every time.

So as she takes the stage (well, bookball field), she puts her game face on, doing her best to shove all her anxiety down. She does what Briar instructed her to do. She locates her in the crowd. The girl is sitting in the center of the front row, looking beautiful (and festive) as ever in a sparkly magenta mini dress, the streaks of pink in her hair glowing under the glare of the floodlights. She’s standing up, clapping wildly, a bright grin on her face. She really is a sight to see. Faybelle almost loses her focus, but she catches herself before she does. No matter how drop dead gorgeous her girlfriend is, she can’t let this fact ruin the performance. Nothing can ruin it.

As Faybelle gets into position, she takes a deep, shaky breath.

“Come on, Faybelle,” she whispers to herself. “Don’t fuck this up.”

As the catchy pop song begins playing, she leaps into action. The routine starts off better than she’d expected it to. She and her teammates are perfectly in sync, and the first lift (Faybelle at the top) goes without a hitch. In no time the routine is almost over, and Faybelle finally feels like she can relax. Everything is actually going to be okay. It’s time for the final lift, this time featuring her being tossed twice. Her positioning is flawless as she’s lifted. The tosses are seamless. Then, she doesn’t know what goes wrong, but as she’s dismounting she slips. She tumbles to the ground, landing on the grass in a heap. A sharp pain rushes through her shoulder.

“Ow!” she shrieks.

Her teammates rush to her side.

“Oh kingdoms!” Farrah exclaims, voice shaking with fear. “Are you alright?!”

As burning waves of humiliation surge through Faybelle’s entire body, she thinks about staying there forever, simply sinking into the ground and ceasing to exist. That way she’d never have to face the hundreds of people who just saw her ruin that performance. But she knows she’s only attracting more attention by staying there. So, with great effort she sits up, and lets Farrah and Holly help her to her feet. Apparently she injured her ankle too, as a stabbing pain rushes through it as she stands.

The crowd is cheering for her, but why? She ruined everything. She can’t even bear to look at them. So, body shaking, pain and mortification rushing through her, she limps off the field. Holly and Farrah try to help her, but she shoves them away. She almost feels bad for how hard she pushed, as they're wincing, but she’s too focused on the sweltering shame storming within her. As she limps as quickly as she can toward the locker room (she doesn’t know where else to go), her teammates stay back, clearly knowing to give her space. She despises locker rooms. They smell overwhelmingly of sweat and are disgustingly humid. But right now there’s nowhere else she can be. She collapses onto the bench. The pain in her ankle lessens as the weight is taken off it, but the pain in her shoulder is still sharp.

“Fuck!” she hisses.

A thousand different emotions are spinning like a cyclone through her right now--embarrassment, guilt, anger, sadness. They battle for dominance as she buries her face in her hands, trying to breathe through all the physical and mental pain. Nothing but the crashing of her heartbeat and the torrent of degrading words swirling through her mind is registered until a voice breaks through her consciousness.

"Faybelle!" Briar calls. "Are you in here?!"

Faybelle immediately stiffens as she hears the sound of Briar's high heels clacking on the cement floor. Her body tenses more and more as she hears her coming closer. For a second, she considers bolting, but quickly remembers her hurt ankle. Plus, all it would do if she tried is hurt Briar and… Wow, when did she start caring about anyone's feelings? Briar must be rubbing off on her. She pretends to despise the idea, but she realizes that really it doesn't bother her. In fact, it just might please her?

She starts as Briar turns the corner and is suddenly standing before her. The girl's eyes widen before she rushes over to Faybelle.

"Are you okay?!" she exclaims. "Are you hurt?! Do you need to go to the nurse's office?!"

Briar places her hands on Faybelle's shoulders, her forehead creased with concern. Faybelle winces at the pressure on her injured shoulder. Briar quickly lets go. Her eyes are wide.

“I’m so sorry!” the girl exclaims. “I shouldn’t have touched you! What hurts other than your shoulder? Anything?”

Garnering the little bit of resolve left within her, Faybelle lets out a halfhearted scoff.

"No, I'm fine," she snaps. "Just some bruises." The words came out harsher than she intended. She struggles not to wince.

Briar raises an eyebrow. Faybelle is afraid for a second that she upset her girlfriend and is about to get a lecture, but then loving concern overtakes the slightly disgruntled expression that had been on Briar's face. Briar sighs gently.

"Can I sit?" she asks, her voice soft.

Faybelle opens her mouth, about to make more of a fuss, the walls she's built up within her screaming at her to push Briar away. But then her mouth snaps shut and she suddenly realizes it may be wisest to not speak if the stinging in her eyes are any indication. The thought of her voice trembling, tears spilling, is enough to send a surge of fear through her.

But looking at her girlfriend, the tears that are beginning to sparkle in Briar's eyes, she slowly nods. Curse Briar's empathy. Seeing the pain in the girl's eyes, the pain she feels expressly for her, only makes the burning in her own eyes increase. Briar leaves about a foot of space between them as she sits, which Faybelle appreciates. They sit in silence for a minute, Faybelle focusing on keeping those treacherous tears at bay, biting the inside of her cheek until the metallic taste of blood pervades her mouth. She knows Briar can sense that she's on the verge of tears, and in this moment she hates how perceptive her girlfriend is.

"It might be good for you to talk about what you're feeling right now," Briar says, her voice soft and tentative. "I know it can be hard for us to express our emotions, but holding them in only makes us feel worse."

The hot, prickly sensation of anger suddenly rises in Faybelle's chest. She scoffs.

"Us to express our emotions?" she says, her voice seeping with bitterness. "Easy for you to say. You always get to say what you feel. You always get somebody to kiss your wounds." More and more resentment laces her words as she goes on. "But you know what I was told when I was little and dared to shed a tear? Suck it up. Pathetic–" Her voice hitches, and she hates herself for it. She swallows before continuing. She can't stop now–"child. I don't want to see those tears. You're weak. You don't have a brain in your head. You–you–"

Shit, she can't get the words out. And–oh shit, is she–crying? Before she can fully comprehend what's happening, tears are rolling down her cheeks, hot against her skin. And she's sniffling. And whimpering. And hiccuping. And then a sob rips from her throat. And she hates herself more than ever. She can't see Briar through the veil of moisture in her eyes, and she doesn't want to. But she hears the girl's voice, softer and more concerned than she's ever heard it.

"Is it okay if I hug you? I’ll be gentle."

Before Faybelle even considers what she's saying she squeaks, "Yes." And she sounds so pathetic, she wishes she couldn't even hear herself. Couldn't hear the sound of the rattling air conditioner. Couldn't hear the pounding of her heart in her ears.

Then Briar's arms carefully surround her, gently pulling her close. And despite all her learned instincts, Faybelle is glad that she can hear Briar's voice, can feel the girl's warm breath against her ear.

"It's okay, honey," Briar murmurs. "Everything is okay. I'm right here. Just let it all out."

Faybelle's body moves of its own accord, melting into the embrace, her face burying itself in Briar's chest. Then she feels Briar's warm lips on her head, softly kissing her scalp, and she sags even deeper into the girl's arms.

Secure in Briar's embrace, Faybelle, for the first time in years, allows herself to fully break down. She grips her girlfriend tighter and tighter as the tears won't stop coming. Briar holds her so close, Faybelle can't tell where her body ends and Briar's begins. They are one in this moment, this moment of vulnerability that Faybelle, despite her overwhelming grief, cherishes in a way. She cherishes the release she can physically feel, like a dam has broken in her chest, water that has been contained for so long gushing out. She cherishes the soothing sensation of Briar's hand smoothing over her back, the other threading through her damp tresses. Her cheek is warm on Faybelle’s head. Her lips are soft as she plants them against her scalp again. Her breath is warm as she whispers reassurances into her hair. Her arms are so strong, yet so gentle. So much like the girl herself. Faybelle feels safer than she can ever remember feeling. She exhales through her sobs, cherishing it all.

Briar holds her long after Faybelle's sobs have petered out. She continues to whisper words of comfort as her hiccups and sniffles gradually come to a stop.

When Faybelle has finally calmed, it takes her a while to find the strength to pull away. She hates the idea of being some kind of charity case, but all she can think is that she's never in her life been held like this. She's never had somebody speak to her with such warmth in their voice, handle her with such care and concern. The thought she gets so often infiltrates her mind against her will: what did she ever do to deserve a girl like Briar? Somebody who doesn't judge her for her many flaws, who forgives her when she constantly fucks up, who brings her flowers for no occasion at all, who cuddled her to sleep when she had insomnia, who brings her an iced coffee after every cheer practice. Faybelle wishes she could be half the girlfriend Briar is. She winces when she realizes the truth of what she's thinking.

As Faybelle pulls away Briar, eyes still wide with concern, gently wipes her tears away with her thumbs. The feather-light touch sends shivers of pleasure down Faybelle’s spine. Briar softly kisses her cheek. Faybelle closes her eyes, savoring the warmth and security of Briar’s lips against her damp skin. As Briar pulls away though, Faybelle becomes aware of what a gooey mess she is. Her face burns with embarrassment when she notices the trails of snot on Briar’s shirt. This is beyond humiliating. Briar begins to rummage through her purse.

"Here, I've got to have some tissues in here somewhere."

"No, I'm fine," Faybelle insists.

Her nose is so stuffed up that it's making her voice sound strange, like she has a cold, but the thought of blowing her nose in front of Briar is almost as embarrassing as crying in front of her. Which she just did. She winces, still reeling from what she'd just done. Sobbing in Briar's arms, confessing her deepest insecurities, getting snot all over her shirt. Oh God. She buries her face in her hands.

Briar gently places her hand on Faybelle's uninjured shoulder. “It’s alright, baby. Everything is alright.”

Faybelle lifts her head, chuckling nervously. "I'm fine. I'm just–"

Her voice dies off. She needs to stop talking. She's just humiliating herself more and more.

"Just what?" Briar questions, her brow creased with concern. "You can talk to me, love.”

Her hand never leaves Faybelle's shoulder. Faybelle groans, her cheeks suddenly burning. She looks at the floor, too embarrassed to meet Briar's gaze.

"It's just–I cried all over you and got snot on your shirt and it's gross and–I don't know–I guess I feel–well, bad?"

She's surprised to hear a giggle come from the girl. She raises her head, finally looking at Briar. The girl's eyes are bright with amusement.

"You really think I care about that?" She grins at Faybelle. "I can just wash my shirt. Which I always do anyways, by the way. It's really not a big deal! And as for the crying all over me–I'm glad you let it out. It seems like you've been holding a lot of emotions in for a while. And I'm–" Her gaze softens. She gives Faybelle a tender smile. "I'm honored you trusted me with those emotions. That you let me be there for you. Because Faybelle–" She reaches out, taking her hand, gently squeezing her fingers. "I want to be there for you. You're my girlfriend. And I care about you. A lot.”

Faybelle doesn’t know how to respond. All these beautiful words Briar is saying and Faybelle is speechless. She wants more than anything to convey to her girlfriend how much all this means to her, but all she can do is stare vacantly at her. Briar, understanding that the girl is absolutely exhausted, doesn’t expect a response. She just pulls her into her arms again and holds her close.

XXX

Instead of going to the party, they relax in Briar’s dorm, watching a movie before falling asleep in each other’s arms.

XXX Sunday October 14, 2023 5:41 pm

Butterflies swarm through Faybelle's stomach as she approaches Briar’s dorm room. Hunter is at her side, trying to make conversation. She gives short replies when necessary, but in addition to not wanting to talk to the boy in the first place, her nerves are through the roof. What's going to happen at the dance? Is everybody going to be staring at her and Briar, silently judging them? Or are they even going to go so far as to openly mock them? They've gotten strange looks from some students when they walk down the halls holding hands, but have yet to deal with a confrontation. Faybelle worries that this might just be the day.

When Briar opens the door and walks out with Ashlynn, the breath is sucked from Faybelle's chest. Everything about Briar is stunning from her shiny hair flowing down her back in waves, to the shimmering black dress with red rose designs, to the way her makeup accentuates her beautiful brown eyes. Ashlynn skips over to Hunter, exclaiming “Ooh, you're so handsome, honey!” Faybelle suppresses an eye roll.

As Briar approaches her, Faybelle's heart is pounding. What does she say? She takes a deep breath and for once lets her heart be her guide.

“You're so beautiful.” The awe in her voice is prominent.

The dazzling smile that appears on Briar’s face makes Faybelle's heart skip a beat.

“Thank you!” the girl exclaims. “You're so beautiful too!”

Faybelle's cheeks burn. She knows her beauty is nowhere near the league of Briar’s gorgeousness. Not to mention her ice blue dress, embroidered with sapphires, no matter how gorgeous, still doesn't hold a candle to Briar’s dress. Still, she smiles and thanks her girlfriend. She knows Briar thinks she's beautiful. And right now that is enough.

XXX 6:00 pm

As she and Briar enter the auditorium, hand in hand, just as Faybelle expected, at least a dozen students are staring at them. But as Briar squeezes her hand and gives her an encouraging smile, her stress melts away. Who cares what these idiots think? She and Briar are in love, and the same probably can't be said for these dolts gawking at them.

She continues to reassure herself with this thought as she and Briar enter the dance floor. An upbeat pop song is playing. Briar begins to dance, swaying to the beat. Faybelle can't help but stare, admiring her girlfriend's curves, the way her hips move, the way her hair cascades like a river behind her.

She's pulled from her reverie by Briar taking her hand and drawing her forward.

“Come on, Fay! Dance with me!”

The look of pure exhilaration on Briar's face sends a wave of mutual excitement through Faybelle.

“You asked for it!” she exclaims, before picking Briar up with ease and spinning around with her.

Briar shrieks before descending into a fit of giggles. Faybelle laughs along with her. Who cares if people are looking? What matters is that Briar is happy. And that makes Faybelle happy.

XXX

When it comes time for the slow dance, Faybelle's heart is pounding again. Shivers dance down her spine as Briar takes her hand. They slowly walk onto the dance floor. They're amongst at least a dozen other dancing couples. She makes out Ashlynn and Hunter, Blondie and Cupid, and Raven and Dexter before her attention is diverted back to Briar who is pulling her close. As they begin to sway side to side, Faybelle becomes aware of how close they are. She can feel the warmth of Briar’s breath on her face. Her hands are soft as petals. Her heart comes to a standstill as she looks into the girl's eyes and sees nothing but adoration in them. And when the song ends and Briar pulls her into a deep kiss, Faybelle's chest erupts with warmth. For once not a single other person crosses her mind.

XXX 10:38 pm

Bunny decides to have a sleepover with Maddie, Kitty, and Lizzie, and due to this fortunate turn of events, Faybelle and Briar are currently on Faybelle’s bed, embroiled in the most intense makeout session they’ve had so far in their relationship. Briar is on top of Faybelle, kissing her with a fierceness Faybelle has never seen from the girl. Faybelle rakes her fingers through Briar’s hair as they continue to kiss, each one deeper than the last. When Briar lets out a moan, Faybelle’s chest feels like it’s being swallowed whole by the searing heat within her. She desperately wants to do more, and when Briar pulls back from the kiss and looks at her, eyes bright with pleasure, Faybelle thinks the girl is thinking the same thing as her–that it’s time to take this to the next level. But as the fire within Faybelle becomes so white hot, she feels she might explode, Briar is suddenly back to kissing her, making no further indication that she wants to do anything else. The crushing disappointment Faybelle feels dims the flame inside her until it’s only embers, smoldering in her chest.

XXX Saturday October 20, 2017 6:07 pm

It takes Briar longer than usual to open her dorm room door after Faybelle knocks. When Faybelle sees the girl’s slightly flushed face and her messy hair, her eyes widen.

“Are you alright?” she asks, her voice uncharacteristically soft. “Are you sick?”

Briar shakes her head. “No, I’m fine. I just decided to get my flu shot last minute this afternoon, so I’m feeling kind of bleh. I just took Advil though, so that should kick in soon. Here, come on in.”

They sit side by side on Briar’s bed like they do so often. Briar yawns before resting her head on Faybelle’s shoulder. Faybelle wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. Briar sighs contentedly.

“Is it alright if we just order some food in? I don’t really feel up to going out for dinner.”

“Of course,” Faybelle assures her. “That’s no problem. We can order anything you want and watch a movie of your choice. Sick person privileges.”

Briar chuckles. “I’m not sick though.”

“Well, you feel sick,” Faybelle reasons.

“True. I took a nap before you came, but kingdoms I’m still so tired.”

“I can go if you just need to sleep,” says Faybelle, her voice soft.

“No, of course you don’t have to go!” Briar exclaims, suddenly alert.

She lifts her head from Faybelle’s shoulder and looks at her with pleading eyes. “Please stay.”

“Okay okay, I will! I just didn’t want to keep you up is all.”

Briar shakes her head before resting it on Faybelle’s shoulder again. “No, I want to hang out with you.”

Faybelle smiles, her chest filling with warmth at Briar’s words. She plants a soft kiss on the girl’s head. “Well, good news–I want to hang out with you too.”

Briar giggles. “It’s a win win situation then.”

They sit in comfortable silence for a minute before Briar asks, “What do you want to order?”

“I already said it’s your choice.”

“But I hate choosing what to eat!” Briar whines.

Faybelle chuckles. “Why?”

Briar sighs. “Because I don’t want to disappoint anybody.”

“You’re not going to disappoint me,” Faybelle assures her. “Here, how about I promise to tell you if I don’t want what you suggest?”

Briar lifts her head, a comically serious expression on her face. “Pinkie promise?”

Faybelle laughs, twisting their pinkies together. “Pinkie promise.”

Briar giggles before picking up her phone from her nightstand and bringing up the Doordash app.

XXX

They end up ordering Chinese, honey walnut shrimp for Briar and chow mein for Faybelle. While they wait for the food to arrive, Briar tries to pick out a movie, which turns out to be a longer process than Faybelle thought it would be. Briar is lying down, her head in Faybelle’s lap as she scrolls through “Best Movies” articles on her phone. Apparently Ashlynn is having a sleepover with Farrah, so they have the room to themselves.

“Ughhh, I don’t know,” she groans. “I think Ashlynn is rubbing off on me. I can’t decide.”

As usual, when Ashlynn is brought up, a wave of jealousy surges through Faybelle. Why is Briar always talking about her? What’s so great about that weirdo anyways? She wants to say something, to tell Briar to not obsess over the girl so much. She knows how much that will anger her girlfriend though (one time she called Ashlynn weird and she’d never seen Briar so mad), so she keeps her mouth shut and stews quietly. She’s pulled from her angry haze by Briar’s soft voice.

“Is something wrong?”

Faybelle blinks. “Huh?”

Briar is looking up at her, brow furrowed with concern. “I asked you a question and you didn’t answer. Is everything alright? You look kinda out of it.”

Faybelle shrugs, trying her best to act nonchalant. “Oh, I’m fine. Just thinking about that hexam we have next week.”

It’s not exactly a lie. Faybelle has been more stressed than usual about school lately. It doesn’t help that her mother has been on her back about the B she got on her last Home Evilnomics exam. When her mother had chewed her out over the phone, Faybelle had neglected to mention that instead of studying, she’d been making out with Briar the night before. She hasn’t told her mother about their relationship, and she intends to keep it that way for as long as she can.

Briar groans. “I know, right?! Ugh, I’m so nervous for it! I’m going to have to throw a study party for this one for sure!”

“Yeah,” Faybelle agrees. “If even you are struggling, I bet other people are absolutely clueless.”

Briar blushes. “Well, I don’t know about that. I’m not that smart, Fay.”

Faybelle leans down, smiling mischievously.

“Yes you are,” she whispers before pressing her lips to Briar’s.

Briar eagerly kisses her back. She has the sofest pair of lips Faybelle has ever felt. No matter how many girls she’s kissed in the past (always at the clubs she sneaks into), not a single kiss has meant as much to her as Briar’s do.

Briar is just sticking her tongue into Faybelle’s mouth when there’s a knock on the door. Damn it! Faybelle’s mind hisses.

Briar is breathing heavily, face flushed. The sight sends waves of pleasure coursing through Faybelle. When the girl licks her lips, the pleasure increases tenfold.

“That must be our food,” Briar says. “I’ll get it.”

As Briar walks toward the door, Faybelle’s eyes can’t help but travel to the girl’s butt. In that moment she wants Briar so desperately, she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to contain herself. She wants all of her, every inch of her breathtaking body. The question is how much of Faybelle Briar wants.

XXX

They end up watching the first “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie. It’s one of Briar’s favorites. Faybelle can’t say she loves it, but it’s not bad. Especially not when she gets to watch Briar, see the way her face lights up at the funny parts and the intense furrow of her brow at the dramatic parts. Faybelle is not known for having a great attention span, but when it comes to watching Briar, she could do it all day.

When they’re done with their food, Briar lies down, resting her head in Faybelle’s lap again. Faybelle plays with her hair. It’s soft and thick and smells like roses. As she threads the silky strands between her fingers, hears Briar’s soft sigh of contentment, not one bit of her attention is on the movie. It’s completely on Briar, on memorizing everything about her: every delicate feature of her face, the sensation of her hair in her hands, her scent, her smile, her laugh. Faybelle never wants to forget this moment. She wants to feel like this forever. If only that were possible…

They fall asleep curled up together shortly after the movie ends.

XXX Sunday October 21, 2017 9:19 am

When Faybelle wakes up the next morning, the first thing she registers is Briar’s arms wrapped snugly around her. She basks in the warmth and security, wishing they could stay like this the rest of the day. As Briar begins to stir and her eyes open, beautiful brown irises staring into hers, Faybelle has never felt so much adoration for another person. The feeling nearly overwhelms her.

“Good morning,” Briar whispers.

She snuggles closer, nuzzling her face against Faybelle’s chest. Faybelle holds her close, relishing in the fact that they fit so perfectly in each other’s arms, like two matching pieces of a puzzle.

“Good morning,” she replies, her voice hoarse with sleep.

“How you doing?” Briar asks, voice muffled against Faybelle’s shirt.

Faybelle couldn't have stopped the goofy grin from forming on her face even if she tried. “Never better.”

XXX

The study party is thrown in Briar and Ashlynn's dorm that evening. All through the party, Faybelle can’t focus on anything but Briar. On the brightness of her eyes as she explains equations, the way the light of the projector casts a glow on her perfect face, the sway of her hips as she walks from student to student to help them with their worksheets. And when she reaches over Farrah to write down a helpful note on the girl’s paper, Faybelle’s gaze may linger a little too long on Briar’s cleavage.

After the students leave and only Ashlynn is left, Faybelle wishes with every fiber of her being that the girl would just leave too and go off with her stupid boyfriend. But unfortunately this is Ashlynn’s dorm too and it’s already past ten o’ clock, so she’s not going anywhere. So Faybelle has to resign herself to the fact that she’ll only be able to give Briar a quick goodbye kiss, not the makeout session that every inch of her body is so desperately craving.

When Briar offers to walk her out and shoots her a suggestive look, a surge of excitement races through Faybelle. Her whole body buzzes as they walk hand in hand out the door. As soon as Briar closes the door behind them and a quick survey of the hallway proves that nobody is there to watch, Faybelle launches herself into Briar’s arms. They kiss until they can kiss no more, until they’re breathless and dizzy with adrenaline.

“I love you!” Faybelle blurts out.

Panic immediately courses through her as she registers the gravity of what she just said. As she looks at Briar though, nothing but pure adoration is on her face.

Her eyes shine with tears as she exclaims, voice trembling with emotion, “I love you too!”

They kiss again and Faybelle didn’t know this was possible, but it’s even better this time. Briar loves her. A girl like Briar really, truly loves her. Faybelle has never felt so elated. So she kisses Briar with a fervor unlike any she ever has and the girl kisses her back just as passionately. Faybelle has never felt so complete. And she hopes Briar feels the same way.

XXX Tuesday October 23, 2017 4:04 pm

“I can’t believe this!” Briar exclaims, as soon as Faybelle opens her dorm room door.

She storms in and begins pacing around Faybelle’s room. Faybelle watches her, chest heavy with concern, but clueless as to what she should do. Briar had sounded so panicked over the phone. Now that the girl is here, Faybelle can tell by the redness of her eyes that she’s been crying. She’s muttering under her breath as she circles around. Faybelle stands there awkwardly. She knows if their roles were reversed, Briar would already have wrapped her in her arms. But Faybelle is terrible with emotions. She doesn’t even know how to handle her own, let alone anybody else’s. Briar walks around mumbling for another minute before turning to Faybelle. Faybelle’s heart drops as she sees the tears streaming down the girl’s cheeks.

“A C, Faybelle! I got a C!” Her voice is hysterical. “How did this happen?! How could I let this happen?!”

Faybelle opens her mouth to respond, but nothing comes out. The last thing she wants to do is say something wrong, to make things worse than they already are. Knowing herself, that is very likely. So she just stands there, eyes wide, as Briar continues to ramble.

Then Briar bursts into tears, shaking with sobs, and fear surges through Faybelle. What does she do?! Oh kingdoms, what does she do?! Briar is her girlfriend. She can’t just stand here! Hesitantly, heart pounding, she approaches the girl. She places a tentative hand on her shoulder. Briar’s muscles are clenched, hands curled into fists at her side. Faybelle takes a deep breath before speaking, making her voice as soft as she can possibly make it.

“Here babe, let’s go sit down, okay?”

She wraps her arm around her girlfriend’s shoulders, slowly guiding her to the bed. As soon as they sit down, Briar throws her arms around her, burying her face in her chest. Faybelle stiffens, heart pounding. But she quickly shoves the anxiety down and does what a good girlfriend should do. She wraps her arms around Briar, pulling her closer. She rests her cheek on the girl’s head, planting gentle kisses to her scalp, just like the girl did for her when she was upset.

“I’m so embarrassed!” Briar sobs, barely able to get the words out. “I’m always the one throwing those stupid study parties and then my stupid ass goes and gets a C! And my dad–he’s going to be so disappointed in me!”

The surge of anger that rushes through Faybelle surprises her, but she can’t stand to hear her girlfriend talk about herself this way.

“The parties aren't stupid!” she insists. “And you’re not stupid either! You’re perfect!”

“No I’m not!”

Faybelle’s voice softens. “Nobody’s perfect, but you’re one of the good ones, Briar. One of the best. You’re kind and resilient and caring and intelligent and beautiful…so beautiful inside and out.”

Faybelle winces as Briar starts crying harder. Shit, she knew she’d make things worse! But her fear quickly subsides as Briar speaks again, struggling to get the words out between her sobs.

“Thank you. I love you so much!”

Joy bursts through Faybelle’s chest. She did it! She made Briar happy! Well, happier than she was at least. Smiling, she gives the girl a squeeze.

“I love you so much too, baby. So much. Everything will be okay.”

XXX Friday November 3, 2017 9:32 pm

The pop song blaring through the speakers is vibrating through Briar’s head, adding to her building headache, as she storms across the club dance floor toward Faybelle. The girl, clad in a sparkly black short dress, is in the middle of the crowd, dancing so wildly Briar wouldn't be surprised if she crashed into somebody. Hot tendrils of anger are pulsing through Briar’s chest as she marches toward her girlfriend, ready to chew her out. When she reaches the girl though and starts yelling (both to be heard over the music and because of her rage), she isn’t nearly as articulate as she’d hoped to be. The alcohol is clearly having a bit of an effect.

“Why the fuck did-did you give me this drink, Faybelle?! I said that I-that I didn’t want to drink alcohol! And you-you give me this?! You said it was a virgin!”

The smirk on Faybelle’s face adds to the tower of anger growing taller and taller in Briar’s chest.

“Chill out, Beauty!” Faybelle’s voice is more slurred than hers, as she’s had three margaritas rather than one. “You needed it! Damn you’re uptight!”

Briar very rarely completely snaps, but she is so furious right now, and with the addition of the alcohol lowering her impulse control, nothing is stopping her from going off.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Faybelle?! You roofied me! You fucking roofied me! Your own girlfriend!”

Faybelle snorts. The bemused look on her face only makes Briar angrier.

“That is not what roofieing is, Briar! You clearlyyy don’t know what that means, girl!”

“Ughhh! You’re impossible!”

Briar doesn’t even care if people are watching. Faybelle is the one at fault here after all. Briar is clenching her fists so hard, her hands are starting to cramp up.

The only other thing she can get out is a weak, “Fuck you, Faybelle!” before bursting into tears and running as well as she can to the bathroom.

XXX

When she comes back to her dorm room an hour later after the tipsiness wears off, eyes red from crying, she lies to a very concerned Ashlynn.

“Nothing happened. I just got overstimulated. Don’t worry, I didn’t drink. I know better…”

XXX Friday November 17, 2017 4:07 pm

“So it seems like you and Faybelle are getting pretty serious, huh?”

Briar turns to look at Ashlynn. They’re currently packing for fall break, which starts tomorrow. They’ll be going to their respective homes for the next week. Ashlynn’s eyes are bright with mischief as she grins at Briar. She knows what she’s doing. She knows how easily flustered Briar gets when it comes to Faybelle. Briar’s face immediately flushes. Ashlynn giggles.

“Damn it, Ashlynn!” Briar exclaims, though it’s clear by her humorous tone that she’s joking.

Ashlynn laughs before continuing the banter.

“Language, Briar. I was just asking you a simple question. You and Faybelle were getting pretty cozy with each other during the movie last night.” She gives an exaggerated wink.

Briar rolls her eyes. She can tell by the heat of her cheeks that her face must be beet red now. Last night Briar, Ashlynn, Hunter, Faybelle, Raven, Dexter, Apple, Darling, Blondie, Cupid, and the Wonderlandians had all gotten together in the commons room to watch a movie. Briar and Faybelle hadn’t been the only couple there wrapped in each other’s arms during the movie, but of course it stood out to Ashlynn, as Briar used to be rather shy about PDA.

Briar scoffs playfully. “Talk to the wall, Ash. You and Hunter kissed about a gazillion times! And we were watching “Silence of the Lambs,” for kingdom’s sake!”

Ashlynn bursts into laughter and Briar quickly follows suit.

When their laughter dies down, Ashlynn turns to Briar again, the smile on her face entirely genuine this time.

“But things seem to be going really well, yeah?” Her voice is soft.

Butterflies surge through Briar’s stomach, as they always do when she thinks about Faybelle and how much she loves the girl.

“Yeah,” she says, her voice just as soft. “Very well. She’s amazing.”

A thought pops into her head. How amazing is tricking your girlfriend into drinking? She quickly tries to shove the intrusive thought down. Everybody makes mistakes, she reasons to herself. Even big mistakes. They’re just mistakes. She didn’t mean any harm…right?

XXX Saturday December 2, 2017 12:07 am

As soon as Briar tiptoes into her dorm room and shuts the door quietly behind her, the lights flick on. She yelps at the sudden motion, followed by another yelp as Ashlynn begins talking.

“You said you’d be back over an hour ago. Why didn’t you answer my calls? I was worried about you, Briar!”

The girl’s voice is cold and accusatory, no trace of its usual warmth or softness to be found. Briar stiffens, shame immediately replacing the euphoria she’d just felt from several minutes spent kissing Faybelle. Her mouth opens, but no words come out. She hadn’t noticed Ashlynn’s calls, but still…she should’ve checked her phone more. She’d actually had no idea it was past 11:00 until just now. It was beyond stupid of her to not check the time. Clenching her jaw, she forces herself to address Ashlynn. The girl is sitting in her bed, arms crossed. The angry furrow of her brow honestly frightens Briar. Her friend rarely gets angry, and she can’t even remember a time where it was directed at her.

“I’m so sorry, Ashlynn! I didn’t notice the time until now, and I didn’t notice your calls either. I didn’t have my phone out and I guess I turned the sound off by accident. I should’ve checked my phone more. I’m…I’m really sorry.”

The furrow of Ashlynn’s brow doesn’t fade. She scoffs before lying down, back turned to Briar.

“I find that hard to believe,” she mumbles.

A flash of indignation sparks in Briar’s chest, but she doesn’t let it consume her. Ashlynn has every right to be upset and the dig is well-deserved. Briar twists her fingers together, eyes stinging as the shame burns hotter, quickly overpowering any irritation she’d felt.

“I’m really not lying. I promise. But…I get it if you don’t believe me right now. I was stupid and irresponsible. I’m really, really sorry.”

She’s starting to get frantic, her voice shaking slightly, fists clenched at her sides.

“It’s fine, Briar,” Ashlynn says, voice softening. “Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have gotten angry. I’m sorry I was harsh. Let’s just go to bed and forget about it, okay?”

The anger is gone from her voice, but it still doesn’t contain its usual warmth. Briar swallows, clenching her teeth harder and harder as tears threaten to overwhelm her.

“Okay,” she whispers, knowing if she talks any louder she’ll start crying.

She hates upsetting people, especially her friends. And Ashlynn, a girl who isn’t at all easy to upset? Briar really screwed up this time.

All she can think about as she lies in bed and tries to fall asleep is how stupid and irresponsible she is, and how angry she is with herself for upsetting somebody so dear to her. Faybelle means the world to her, but Ashlynn…this is a terrible thing to even think about, but Ashlynn might mean even more to her.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 34: I'll Have a Blue Christmas Without You)

Present Time (Thursday December 24, 2020) 10:12 am

“I’m so glad we got this Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer wrapping paper!” Apple exclaims.

She and Darling are standing at the kitchen table, wrapping presents as quickly as they can. The Christmas Eve party at Ashlynn and Briar’s house is in less than six hours, and they still have loads of presents to wrap. To make matters even more difficult, Raven is having a bad day. She’s currently curled on the couch, staring blankly into the distance. Apple has tried to talk to her, but Raven won’t respond and she resisted her comfort. So, Apple has resigned herself to the fact that she can’t do anything for Raven right now. She just hopes the girl will be more chipper by the time of the party.

Darling grins. “Willow will love it! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen an obsession greater than hers with Rudolph. I don’t think my Legos obsession was even as intense come to think of it.”

Apple giggles. Christmas music is playing merrily in the background. Apple’s favorite song, the Eartha Kitt version of “Santa Baby” is currently on.

“Oh kingdoms, I remember that! When we were in kindergarten that’s all you would play with!”

Darling chuckles. “Except for swordfighting. But that’s only on the rare occasion that I could, to be fair.”

As usual, when Apple is reminded of Darling’s treatment by her mother, she clenches her teeth and resists the urge to blurt out a string of obscenities. She reminds herself that that’s not what Darling needs, especially not today. Today is supposed to be a day filled with nothing but joy. And Apple will do whatever she has to to keep it that way.

XXX Monday December 24, 2018 (first year of college) 11:07 am

“Phew!” Apple exclaims, wiping the sweat off her forehead. “That was a lot of dust!”

“Thanks so much for dusting, love,” Darling says, coming over to plant a kiss on her cheek. “I would’ve, but you know how sensitive I am to dust. I’d be a sneezing mess.”

Apple’s nose starts to tickle like she’s going to sneeze herself. When it fades a second later though, she gives Darling a quick kiss on the lips.

“It’s no problem, baby. You vacuumed. We’re sharing the workload, just like we should be!”

Darling gives her a soft smile before pulling her in for yet another kiss. They linger this time, basking in the sweetness of each other’s lips, of the warmth and security they find in each other’s arms.

When they draw away from each other a few moments later, Apple wishes they could’ve stayed that way much, much longer, but she knows they have to get back to work. This Christmas party tonight is the first event she and Darling have ever hosted at their new house. Both of them being the perfectionists they are, they want it to go flawlessly. Darling sighs softly, licking her lips. The action sends a wave of pleasure coursing through Apple, increasing the urge to kiss her girlfriend on those perfect lips again. She’s shaken from her stupor by Darling’s melodic laugh. She blinks.

“What?” she asks, confused. “What’d I do?”

Darling giggles. “Just the way you’re looking at me. I can tell…you want me bad.” Her voice grows more seductive as she speaks, becoming low and husky.

Burning heat floods Apple’s cheeks. She looks down, trying to hide her intense blush.

“But you want to know something good?” Darling asks, a sultry lilt to her voice.

The sound sends heat pumping through every inch of Apple’s body. She looks up, still confused.

“What’s good?” Her voice is breathless, scarcely above a whisper.

The ravishing expression on Darling’s face nearly brings Apple to her knees. Clearly Darling is enjoying this immensely, the arousal in her ice blue eyes growing in intensity. Apple’s enjoying it too, if the pulsing heat within her is any indication. Darling steps closer, softly placing her hand on Apple’s cheek.

She lightly traces the contours of her face for a moment before leaning in and whispering in her ear, “I want you too…bad.”

The words elicit a loud gasp of pleasure from Apple. Her legs grow even weaker. That doesn’t matter though, as the next thing she knows she’s being scooped up into Darling’s arms. She shrieks in surprise, but it’s quickly cut short by Darling’s lips on hers. She quickly reciprocates, hands tangling in Darling’s hair as she kisses her back with a passion so fervent, the air around them feels like it has an electric charge. It isn’t long before Darling carries Apple off to the bedroom.

XXX 11:18 am

Now Apple and Darling are rushing to get ready for the party. People are coming over at 5:00 and though they technically have enough time to prepare, they both are feeling a rush of panic that keeps them on their toes. They’re exhausted from the sex and beating themselves up for doing it at a time like this, but there’s no way to go back and make a wiser decision. They just have to get through this day. They’re in the kitchen now, preparing the dishes. Apple is working on the greenbean casserole (her mother’s special recipe), while Darling is working on the mashed potatoes. They’re silent, putting all their focus into making these dishes perfect. “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley is playing in the background, his resonant voice sending shivers down Apple’s spine. A distinct sensation of melancholy has overcome her in the past few minutes. It feels like a fist is squeezing her heart. She figures it’s from the hormones that sex activates, as this does happen to her after sex occasionally. But as she looks down at her mother’s perfect handwriting in the cookbook and the lyric “I’ll have a blue Christmas without you” begins playing through her head on a loop, she realizes the meaning behind her sudden sadness.

XXX Wednesday August 1, 2018

“Hi, Mom. So…I don’t know if you’re even listening to these messages or just deleting them.” Apple laughs, albeit a bit shakily. Her eyes are already beginning to sting, but she forces the tears back. She’s not going to give her mother the satisfaction of hearing her cry. She clears her throat. “So…I just wanted to tell you that, um…” She pauses for a moment, gathering her courage. “So…Darling and I have moved into our new house. It’s…it’s really cute. It has four bedrooms and two bathrooms, so not as big as you’d like, but we’re happy with it. We’ve…We’ve lived in luxury all our lives and we’re ready to…to…try something new.”

The only thing keeping Apple going at this point is the knowledge that Snow probably isn’t even listening to these messages. She hopes the audio isn’t too bad anyways though, as there’s a significant amount of clamor coming from the master bedroom down the hall. Darling is unpacking boxes in there. Apple has been helping, but after lunch she had the sudden urge to call her mother and leave another one of the dozen voicemails she’s left since Snow stopped talking to her. Darling, being the caring and respectful girlfriend she is, is giving her privacy.

“We…We love it, and…you know…I hope you can come see it someday.”

Tears are pooling in her eyes now and she can’t stop her voice from wobbling as she begins to talk again.

“I know you’re disappointed in me for being, you know…a person who likes girls…but no matter how badly you treat me…I-I still love you and…and I hope you have it in your heart to still love me.”

There’s no stopping the onslaught of tears now, so before the sob building in her throat comes out, she hangs up.

XXX Monday December 24, 2018

“Are you okay, love?”

Apple is pulled from her daze by the gentle lilt of Darling’s voice.

“Huh?” she mumbles.

As she realizes she’d stopped preparing the dish and is just standing there, she quickly gets back to work, picking the measuring spoons back up.

“Oh, I’m fine. Just zoned out there for a moment. You know how I get like that sometimes.”

She puts on the most cheerful voice she can. Now is not the time to worry Darling. Darling clearly isn't fully convinced, as she gazes at Apple with furrowed brows. But she quickly drops it, turning back around to continue her dish. She evidently knows it's not the right time to pry, and Apple appreciates this. While she hates worrying Darling, now isn't the time to open up. They have a party to throw.

As Apple shoves the tray of greenbean casserole into the oven, a memory from this morning plays unbidden in her head. Apple, knowing it's against her best interests, had called her mother. She hasn't called her since Thanksgiving, as Darling helped her realize how bad it is for her mental health to keep doing it, but Christmas has always been such a special occasion in the White household and she couldn't resist.

She'd held the phone to her ear, hand trembling.

“H-Hi, Mom. I, um, just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas. I know we haven't talked in months, but Christmas has always been…you know…a very important holiday to our family and I just…” She racks her brain for how to word this properly. She plows ahead a moment later, knowing she has to continue. “I-I just wanted you to know that I remember all those…those traditions.” She swallows, her throat suddenly feeling thick. “I-I remember them and I just want you to know that I'm…you know…that I'm thinking about you.” Tears prick her eyes. She clears her throat. “Well, merry Christmas and I hope you have a good day. Goodbye.”

As she hung up, she'd cringed, remembering she'd already wished her mother a merry Christmas at the beginning of the message. Oh well. It's not like her mother would listen anyways. She sighed, sitting down on the couch, slumping back into the cushions. She looked up at the ceiling, eyes brimming with tears. But she didn't let them fall. It's Christmas for goodness sake. It's not a day to mourn her family estrangement. It's a day to be happy and celebrate. And that's what she decided then that she's going to do.

So, that's what she tries to do now. After she closes the oven and sets the timer, she turns to Darling, forcing a wide smile onto her face.

“This is going to be an amazing night!” she exclaims. “I just know it!”

Thankfully, Darling buys her enthusiasm, as a bright grin also overtakes her face.

“It will be,” she agrees. “We're going to pull this off. I know we will.”

XXX 4:48 pm

Apple and Darling, decked in elegant dresses, walk to the door together as the doorbell rings. Hand on the doorknob, Apple turns to her girlfriend.

“You ready, baby?”

Darling gives her a grin. “I was born ready.”

Apple giggles before throwing the door open. It's Briar and Ashlynn, arms full of presents.

“Merry Christmas!” they exclaim in unison, bright smiles on their faces.

“Merry Christmas!” Apple and Darling cheerfully reply.

Apple shuts the door as the girls walk in.

“Here, we’ll take those presents,” says Darling, taking the stack of presents Ashlynn is carrying from her. “You can just hang your coats and stuff on that rack and go make yourselves at home in the living room.”

Apple takes Briar’s presents from her then. Ashlynn and Briar both thank them before taking off their coats and hanging them on the rack. Apple and Darling take the presents into the living room, setting them down by the glowing Christmas tree. Apple’s eyes skim over the ornaments and as always her gaze lingers on her Baby’s First Christmas ornament, which features a photo of her mother holding her on the day she was born. Her mother is looking down at her with eyes so full of adoration, it makes Apple’s heart ache looking at it now.

“You okay?” Darling whispers.

Apple, pulled again from her daze by her girlfriend’s gentle voice, takes a second to get her bearings before giving her a small smile and nodding. Just like earlier, Darling’s brow is creased and this time her slightly concerned expression doesn’t fade after Apple’s assurance that she’s fine. But once again, Darling drops it, knowing it’s not the time to check in with Apple.

Apple and Darling sit down next to Briar and Ashlynn on the couch.

“I’m so glad you guys were able to make it!” Apple exclaims.

Ashlynn smiles, though it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Thank you for having us. Sorry we’re a little early. I’m just grateful Hunter actually took Willow tonight, so we were able to come. Hopefully he doesn’t drop her on her head or something.” She scoffs.

The other girls wince, but Briar quickly changes the subject.

“I know we’ve been to your house a ton already, but every time, I fall in love again with just how cute it is! These Christmas decorations are sooo cute! I love all the Frosties by the fireplace!”

Apple and Darling grin, loving the feeling of having their house complimented. They’ve put a lot of work into making it a beautiful and cozy place that reflects both of their personalities. They both thank Briar.

“We thought it would be a cute idea to feature all the Frosties together,” Darling explains. “A little excessive maybe, but we like it.”

“It’s super cute,” Briar assures them.

As her sentence comes to an end, the doorbell rings again.

“Ooh, more guests!” Apple exclaims. “I’ll get that! Do you think we should bring out the hot chocolate now, Darling?”

Darling nods. “Good idea! I’ll bring out the hot chocolate bar!”

Briar grins. “Ooh! Hot chocolate bar?! Now that sounds exciting!”

Darling chuckles. “Oh it is, Briar. It is.”

XXX

Once all the guests have arrived, which in addition to Briar and Ashlynn include Raven, Dexter, Daring, Rosabella, Blondie, Cupid, and Maddie, the group is sitting together in the living room, drinking hot cocoa and playing charades. It’s currently Raven’s turn and her team (her, Dexter, Maddie, Blondie, and Cupid) are struggling to say the least in guessing what she’s acting out. The girl is flailing her hands wildly, stomping her foot, face scrunched up. Apple certainly doesn’t know what she’s acting out and she doubts anybody in the room does either.

As the sand in the hourglass runs out, Darling exclaims, “Okay, time’s up!”

“Ugh!” Raven exclaims. “Guysss, I was playing a guitar! How could you not tell what I was doing?!”

The confusion is evident on everybody’s faces. The silence is broken by the most talkative one in the room.

“Raven, I love you,” Blondie says, “but maybe you should stick to playing an actual guitar. You looked like you’d just eaten something that tasted not so just right and were having a freak out.”

Everybody, including Raven, bursts into laughter.

“Oh kingdoms, she really did look like that!” Briar exclaims, winded from laughing so hard. “I actually thought something was wrong with her for a second!”

As everyone’s laughter begins to peter out, Maddie speaks.

“This hot cocoa is tea-riffic, guys! Or is it hot cocoa-riffic?” She furrows her brow, tapping her chin in thought. “Eh, I’ll stick with tea-riffic. It sounds better.”

Everybody giggles.

“Thank you!” Apple exclaims. “I’m glad you guys like the toppings we included so much. We’ll definitely be doing a hot chocolate bar again next time we host!” Dexter nods emphatically. “Please do! This peppermint bark adds so much flavor to the hot cocoa!”

Raven giggles, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You really love your peppermint, don’t you, baby?”

A lovestruck grin forms on Dexter’s face, as it always does when Raven shows him affection. He shrugs.

“I admit I’m a peppermint addict. Can you blame me? It’s objectively what Christmas is the best at.”

The group laughs again. Apple and Darling share a smile. Everything is going perfectly so far.

XXX 6:42 pm

As soon as Apple bites into the turkey, the turkey that she’d painstakingly prepared, a wave of disappointment washes over her. It’s too dry. Kingdoms, it’s too freaking dry! She bites down hard on her lip, resisting the urge to growl in frustration. Heart pounding in anxious anticipation, she looks around for any signs of discontent from her friends. But everybody just keeps casually chatting and laughing as they eat their meal.

“This is dee-licious, guys!” Briar exclaims, turning to Apple and Darling, a bright grin on her face.

Apple forces a smile onto her face, hopefully matching the entirely genuine one on Darling’s. They both thank her.

After Briar goes back to eating, Apple sighs softly. Darling who’s sitting next to her, so close that their shoulders are touching, frowns slightly. But she clearly knows better than to question Apple right now because just as quickly as the expression of concern came on, it’s gone. Apple tries to distract her attention from her cooking failure by focusing intently on the conversations. She steers clear of the turkey on her plate, eating the sides instead, which thankfully all taste good. She has her greenbean casserole and sweet potato casserole to be proud of at least.

As dinner continues, she starts to feel lighter, the issue with the turkey moving to the back of her mind as she listens to her friends talk. Raven is currently telling a story about her and Dexter’s cookie baking shenanigans.

“Okay, so Dexter and I were making cookies this morning, and oh my God, the amount of cookie dough this boy ate!” She shakes her head, violet eyes bright, face flushed from laughing. “It was insane! I’m surprised he’s not in the hospital with salmonella right now!”

Dexter scoffs lightly. “Cookie dough won’t give a person salmonella.”

“It happens,” Apple chimes in. “It’s rare but certainly possible!”

Raven turns to Dexter, a satisfied smirk on her face. “See, Dexter? The trivia genius has spoken, and too much cookie dough can in fact give you salmonella!”

Dexter rolls his eyes, but can’t hide the amusement on his face. “Who made her the trivia expert?”

Rosabella scoffs. “Like everybody! She objectively is amazing at trivia! You’ve been to trivia nights with her, dude!”

Dexter sighs. “Okay okay okay, I relent. Apple is right.”

“And a trivia master?” Darling questions, a smirk on her face.

Dexter rolls his eyes again. “Anddd a trivia master.”

Apple giggles. “He admits it!”

Everybody claps and whoops. Apple laughs along with her friends, all thoughts of the dry turkey gone from her mind.

XXX 8:13 pm

The group is settled in the living room again. They’re taking turns opening presents from each other. Some of the highlights have been a book Dexter put together for Raven of all of her original songs, a gorgeous and very expensive-looking snowglobe adorned with roses that Daring got for Rosabella, and an extremely fancy, colorful tea set Raven gifted Maddie. Now Ashlynn is opening her present from Briar, and all eyes are on them. Briar is sitting next to Ashlynn, knee bouncing in anticipation as Ashlynn carefully takes off the festive Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer wrapping paper. When Ashlynn’s eyes land on the present, a teacup in a beautiful shade of mint green with “Best Mom Ever” printed on in delicate gold script, her eyes immediately fill with tears. She puts her hand over her mouth.

“Briar.” Her choked voice is barely above a whisper. “I-I love it so much. Thank you!”

She pulls Briar into a crushing embrace, burying her face in her shoulder. Apple can hear her sniffling. The stunned expression on Briar’s face morphs into a soft smile. She hugs Ashlynn back, running her hand through the girl's hair. Everybody watches the exchange with soft smiles on their faces. Ever since becoming pregnant with Willow and especially since having her, Ashlynn has been going through a major rough patch. Throughout all the hardships, Apple has noticed that nobody makes the girl smile quite like Briar does.

Next it’s Darling’s turn to unwrap a present and she chooses Apple’s. Apple's heart pounds as she watches Darling carefully unwrap it. She knows her girlfriend will love it, but that doesn't stop the anxiety humming in her chest. As the wrapping paper falls to the ground and Darling's eyes land on the ornately decorated sword, she shrieks with delight. She turns to Apple, eyes shining.

“Oh my godmother Apple, this is amazing!”

Nervousness turns to relief and happiness as Apple sees the pure joy on her girlfriend’s face. Everybody stares in awe as Darling carefully pulls the sword from its sheath. The blade is golden and the hilt is encrusted with ruby and sapphire, shining like fire in the lamplight.

“Damn, that is one lit sword, Darling!” Daring exclaims. “Good choice, Apple!”

He gives her a wink. Apple giggles.

“I know you’ve been saying since we moved in that you want a display sword, so I figured, what better time to get it for you than Christmas?”

Darling’s eyes are suddenly watery. She sniffs. Her voice is hushed as she speaks. “Oh Apple, what did I ever do to deserve you?”

A million different feelings erupt in Apple’s chest at those words-love, delight, gratitude, fear, inadequacy-but their friends are watching, so she just smiles and whispers, “Everything.”

Darling sheathes the sword before grabbing Apple by the shoulders and pulling her into a deep kiss, filled with all the things they don’t know how to say. Apple is aware that this is the most passionately they’ve ever kissed in front of other people before, but Darling’s lips are soft and warm and filled with beautiful promises that she knows the girl will keep, so she doesn’t stop.

When they pull apart a moment later, their friends applaud and cheer. Apple’s and Darling’s faces flush bright red, but the goofy grins on their faces show just how happy they really are. After the cheering dies down, Darling faces Apple, a smirk on her face.

“Now let’s see what I’ve got in store for you.” She gives her a wink.

Apple giggles, heart fluttering. Darling unearths a small pink heart-patterned box from her pocket. She gently places it in Apple’s hands. Apple’s heart pounds in anticipation as she carefully unwraps the magenta ribbon and lifts the lid. Nestled inside is the most gorgeous necklace she’s ever seen. It’s pure white crystal shaped like a heart. It glows like stars in the lamplight. Apple, breathless with joy and surprise, gently lifts it. Her eyes fill with tears as she sees the small letters engraved on the back: A + D.

“Oh my God, Darling!” she exclaims. “Thank you so much!”

She bursts into tears, throwing her arms around her girlfriend, burying her face in her shoulder. Darling gasps softly in shock before hugging her back.

“Of course, my love,” she murmurs. “Anything for my princess.”

She gently kisses the top of Apple’s head. Apple chokes out a sob before lifting her face and pulling Darling into another kiss, even fiercer this time. Their friends cheer again, and Apple isn’t even embarrassed now. Darling is her girlfriend. Her True Love. And she will kiss her anywhere anytime and not be ashamed.

XXX 9:47 pm

Now that everybody has opened their presents, the group has decided to break out the champagne. As Apple gets up from the couch, she notices Ashlynn and Briar are still sitting. Ashlynn is turning the mug Briar gifted her around in her hands, looking down at it, eyes wide with admiration.

“I just love it, Briar,” she murmurs. “And I-I just love Willow so much. I can’t wait until she’s old enough to really have a proper Christmas. To bake cookies and sing carols and get excited about Santa Claus.” She lets out a watery chuckle as she gazes up at Briar, eyes filled with adoration.

Briar smiles warmly. “I can’t wait to do all those things with her too.”

Apple, realizing how rude she’s being eavesdropping like this, turns and follows the group toward the kitchen. As she walks, a memory, the kind she’s been trying to suppress the past month, infiltrates her mind.

XXX

“Mommy, look!” Apple, no older than five, exclaims. “I made a gingerbread man one! And I put it on the tray all by myself!”

As she sets down the cookie cutter, her mother walks over, a wide smile on her fair face as she sees the cookie dough gingerbread man lying on the tray, relatively intact.

“That you did, Applepie!” Snow exclaims cheerfully. “Good job, baby!”

She gives Apple a kiss on the cheek. Apple giggles with delight as Snow blows a raspberry on her face. As she pulls away, Apple bursts into laughter.

“Mommy!” she exclaims. “You have flour on your cheek!”

Snow raises an eyebrow. “I do, do I? Well, I guess I’ll just have to…” She pauses for dramatic effect. “Get some on your cheek! Mwuhaha!”

Wiping the flour from her cheek onto her finger, she quickly wipes it on Apple’s rosy face. Apple shrieks.

“Mommy!” she exclaims in indignation. “Now I’m a flour monster too!”

Snow laughs. “Well, does this flour monster accept cuddles?”

Apple crosses her arms. “Well…”

After thinking for a second, she smiles widely.

“Yes!” she exclaims, before jumping off the stool and into her mother’s arms.

Snow holds her close, peppering her curls with kisses. “Oh, my sweet little flour monster. I love you.”

XXX

Apple’s pulled from her stupor by an exclamation right next to her ear.

“No, let Apple uncork it!”

Apple blinks a few times before registering what’s happening. Darling and Daring are fighting over the bottle of champagne. It only takes a moment for Darling to best him, snatching the bottle from his hand.

“She never has before!” she exclaims. “She was telling me this morning that she wants to uncork the bottle for us tonight!”

Daring rolls his eyes.

Apple forces out a giggle as she watches the siblings’ antics. Ever since the memory invaded her mind, a wave of grief has descended over her. She doesn’t feel like uncorking the bottle. She doesn’t feel like partying at all. She just wants to go cry under her covers. But she’s made it this far. The night is almost over.

“Daring, let her do it!” Rosabella laughs, playfully shoving her boyfriend to the side as he tries to grab the bottle from Darling again.

“Okay, fineee,” he relents.

He grins at Rosabella, giving her a quick kiss on the lips. As they pull back, she’s beaming, eyes bright.

“Okay, here we go!” Darling exclaims, coming over to Apple. “I already got the cork out. You just have to put it in, twist counterclockwise and then pull, okay?”

Apple nods. “Alright.”

She tries to sound cheerful, giving Darling the best smile she can manage.

Moving over to the counter where the bottle is sitting, Apple follows Darling’s directions. When she gets to the pulling part though, no matter how hard she tugs, it won’t come loose.

“Come on, Apple!” Briar exclaims. “You can do it!”

Apple grits her teeth in determination before giving it the most powerful pull she can muster. She gasps as it comes undone with a pop and a hiss. She watches in horror as liquid sprays out. Somehow it avoids Apple completely, sailing past her and hitting Raven who’s standing to her left instead. Raven shrieks.

“Oh my God, Raven! I’m so sorry!” Apple exclaims.

Humiliation burns her cheeks and tightens her stomach as she takes in the sight of a drenched Raven. It takes Raven a moment to recover, as some of the champagne sprayed her in the face, but after she wipes her face with a rag Dexter handed her, she gives Apple a reassuring smile.

“It’s fine!” she assures her. “I can just change into one of Darling’s outfits! It’s really no big deal! It’s not like it’s your fault. The bottle must’ve gotten shaken at some point.”

Apple twists her fingers together, looking down at the floor. The tile begins to blur as her eyes pool with tears. Shit. She can’t do this anymore. She hurries out of the room and down the hall. Reaching her bedroom, she shuts and locks the door behind her. Walking on trembling legs to the bed, she sits down on the edge, buries her face in her hands, and finally lets the tears that have wanted release all day fall. Memories flood her mind. She and her mother baking cookies, singing carols by the Christmas tree, building a snowman. She remembers all this and more, and remembering when she can’t have it anymore hurts with a searing pain unlike any she’s ever felt.

She doesn’t know how long it’s been before there’s a gentle knock on the door.

“Apple, sweetie?” Darling’s voice is soft, but tight with concern. “Are you okay?”

Apple just keeps crying, unable to stop.

“Oh, baby,” Darling murmurs. “Can I come in please?”

Apple tries to take deep breaths, but every attempt fails, only more choked sobs coming out. She can’t believe she let this happen. Tonight was supposed to be a perfect night. A night of joy and celebration and togetherness. And now she’s ruined it.

Outside the door, Darling continues to plead with her.

“Baby, please…let me in.”

Not able to bear hearing the heartbreak in Darling’s voice, Apple stands on shaky legs, slowly making her way to the door. She opens it with a trembling hand. As soon as it opens and Darling’s worried eyes land on her, a soft, sympathetic expression forms on her face.

“Oh, sweetie,” she whispers. “Come here.”

She shuts the door before pulling Apple into her arms. Apple hugs her back tightly, burying her face in her shoulder.

“Baby, what’s going on?” Darling murmurs. “Raven isn’t mad at you. It was an honest mistake. And it wasn’t even your fault.”

Apple shakes her head. She wants to tell Darling that that’s not really the reason she’s upset, but with how hard she’s crying, there’s no way she’ll be able to get the words out.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Darling whispers. She smooths a hand over her back, gently threading her fingers through her hair with the other. “I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad.”

The empathy in Darling’s voice only makes Apple cry harder.

When Apple is finally able to get herself mostly under control and only sniffles and hiccups remain, she suddenly remembers something. She pulls back from Darling, her swollen eyes wide.

“The clothes!” she exclaims. She winces at the hoarseness of her voice. “The clothes are in here! Raven needs to change!”

Darling gives her a soft, sympathetic smile, eyes still filled with concern. She reaches out, gently wiping Apple’s tears with her thumbs.

“It’s okay, baby,” she murmurs. “Briar had a change of clothes in her purse. It’s all okay, alright?”

Apple sighs in relief, but only a small load is taken off her shoulders. They’re still heavy with the hundreds of other burdens that haunt her daily. She lets out another sigh, shakier this time, before resting her head on Darling’s shoulder. Darling wraps her in her arms again, slowly swaying side to side. A moment later, she softly speaks.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on, baby?”

Immediately, Apple’s eyes burn with fresh tears. She buries her face in Darling’s shoulder, shaking her head. But the words come out anyways, brittle as glass.

“She didn’t call.”

The situation with her mother is one that Apple tries not to discuss with Darling much. Darling’s mother rejected her even more vehemently when she found out about their relationship, officially disowning her and saying horrible insults that Darling still cries out in her sleep most nights. Snow just isn’t talking to Apple. She never disowned her. At least not officially. But damn it, it still hurts. When Apple really thinks about it, when she’s not busy with a million other things, the pain is so intense, it takes her breath away. She can’t even imagine the pain Darling is feeling if this is how much she’s hurting. So, this is why she tries not to talk about her own problems with her mother. Darling has it worse, so she should be the one who gets to cry and vent. It’s not Apple’s place to do so. But on a day like Christmas, where the memories just won’t halt their endless cycle through her head, it’s just too much to keep inside.

There’s a long moment of silence, nothing but Apple’s shaking breaths and the distant sound of their friends talking, filling the quiet air. Then a gentle kiss is being placed on the top of her head.

“I'm so sorry.” Darling's choked voice trembles. “I'm so sorry, sweetie.”

She stifles a sob. She tightens the embrace and Apple squeezes her back even tighter, trying to return some of the comfort she's being given. They're both hurting after all. At least throughout all this pain, they still have each other. Apple consoles herself with this thought as they continue to embrace, their friends’ voices nothing but a hum in the background as they find everything they need and more in each other's arms.

XXX Present Time (Thursday December 24, 2020) 11:57 am

Now finally finished with wrapping presents, Apple and Darling are snuggled together on the couch, sipping hot cocoa. Apple sighs contentedly. The warmth of the fire crackling in the fireplace, the delicious taste of the hot cocoa, the security of Darling's arms around her–in this moment, nothing could be more perfect. Apple doesn't know what tonight has in store, what Raven's mental state is going to be, if they're even going to be able to make it through the party. What she does know though is that this is right. Her and Darling together, loving each other more and more every day. No matter what grief their bigoted parents still to this day put them through, she knows one thing for certain: something as beautiful as her and Darling's relationship could never be wrong.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 33: Don't Need Another Perfect Lie)

Present Time (Thursday December 24, 2020) 10:00 am

At ten on the dot, there's a gentle knocking at the door. As is usual when there's a noise, the kittens bolt from the room. Ashlynn and Briar are sitting on the living room couch watching Willow play on the carpet. Briar’s arm is wrapped snugly around Ashlynn and Ashlynn's head is resting on her shoulder. Willow is currently building a tower with blocks. Briar has been asking her what color the blocks are and the toddler, being the smart girl she is, answers correctly. With Briar’s amazing teaching skills and ceaseless praise, Willow is learning quickly.

Today the toddler is dressed in an adorable Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer dress, and she happens to also be singing the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer song. This comes as no surprise to Ashlynn and Briar. Willow has become absolutely obsessed with the old animated Rudolph movie this Christmas. It's pretty much all she talks about. As adorable as her passion is, Ashlynn won't lie that she's hoping for the obsession to fade when Christmas ends. Ashlynn is savoring everything about this moment: the warmth of Briar’s touch, the happy babbling of her daughter, the crackling of the fire, the colorful lights on the Christmas tree, the scent of cinnamon and pine in the air. It's all perfect.

At the sound of knocking, the three of them look in the direction of the door.

Briar grins. “Right on time as usual. I see where you get it from.”

Ashlynn chuckles as they get up from the couch, walking toward the door.

“Well, you know what happens if we're not on time.”

“What happens again?” Briar asks, sounding, sounding genuinely curious. “I forgot.”

Ashlynn turns to her, shocked. “What do you mean you forgot?!”

Briar shrugs innocently.

“My clothes turn into rags, Briar! How could you forget something like that?!”

Briar is only able to maintain her confused expression for another second before the facade cracks and she bursts into laughter.

“Oh kingdoms Ash, you're too easy!”

She bumps her shoulder playfully. Ashlynn pouts, but can't hide the smile forming in her face.

“Stop being mean!” she exclaims, but her expression betrays her clear amusement.

Both girls continue laughing as they approach the door. Even when Briar unlocks and opens it, they're still giggling, finding it difficult to stop.

When the door opens and Ashlynn's eyes land on her mother, looking beautiful as ever in her favorite red dress she wears every Christmas, her heart feels like it's going to burst from happiness. The woman’s graying hair is flying in the wind, and her emerald eyes so much like Ashlynn's are sparkling with joy. She's holding what's practically a tower of presents, festive wrapping paper shining in the light pouring from inside the house. The woman always comes over to celebrate on the morning of Christmas Eve. It's a tradition they all hold dear.

“Hi, Mom!” Ashlynn exclaims. “Here, let us help you with those!”

“Hello, sweetie!” her mother replies, as Ashlynn takes some of the presents into her arms. “Hello, Briar dear!” Her voice has a soft, sweet timbre very akin to her daughter's.

“Hi, Mrs. Ella! Here, I'll take some of those too! We can just set them by the Christmas tree!”

Briar rushes forward, taking another load off the woman. She now has only a few left to carry.

As the three women walk toward the Christmas tree, Willow looks up from her blocks. Instantly, a wide smile lights up her rosy face.

“Grandma!” she exclaims.

She jumps up, running toward the woman as fast as her little legs will take her. Her mother laughs happily as Willow throws her arms around her legs, squeezing tightly. She quickly sets the presents down before sweeping her granddaughter up into her arms. Willow wraps her arms around the woman’s neck, kicking her feet excitedly.

“Hello, beautiful girl!” her mother exclaims, running her hand through the toddler's hair.

Ashlynn and Briar, after setting the presents down by the tree, turn and watch the exchange, glowing smiles on both of their faces. Seeing Willow and her mother interact warms Ashlynn's heart more than pretty much anything else. From the start, her mother has been nothing but supportive when it comes to Willow, and Ashlynn can barely fathom the amount of gratitude she has for the woman.

Five minutes later, they're all sitting on the couch by the fire sipping hot chocolate. “Deck the Halls” is playing merrily in the background and Willow is joyfully singing along.

“So, will Dad be able to make it later?” Ashlynn asks casually.

She knows what the answer will be, but she finds herself unable to not ask. A sympathetic frown immediately forms on her mother's face.

“I'm sorry, sweetie, but you know how much business Dad gets on the 24th. He can't leave work today.”

Ashlynn resists the urge to roll her eyes. He most certainly could leave work to make one of his rare visits to his daughter and granddaughter. He's the CEO of the supply store, not a cashier. But she knows her mother would never admit to the wrongness of his actions and he's not worth anybody's grief, so Ashlynn just smiles and shrugs.

“That's alright. I know how it is.”

Her mother smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes.

“Has Ashlynn told you yet about her ideas for her upcoming line of dresses?! The theme sounds so cool!”

Ashlynn shoots Briar a quick smile of gratitude. The girl always knows how to change the subject and lighten the mood without being imposing. It's one of her many talents. Briar smiles softly back at her. Her eyes are bright, her excitement clearly genuine. Her mother's eyes take on a similar sparkle.

“Ooh, I haven't! Why don't you tell me all about it, sweetie?”

She turns to Ashlynn, smiling encouragingly. Ashlynn, who's always awkward when it comes to praise even if it's from her loved ones, blushes slightly as she begins to discuss her ideas. Her mother listens intently, a gentle smile on her face as she watches her daughter. It's clear when Ashlynn talks about fashion that she's incredibly passionate about it. It can shock people who don't know her well, as she's the kind of person to usually keep her passion in general under wraps.

Those who really know her though know just how bright her passion burns under her unassuming demeanor. Ever since Ashlynn was little, she loved to make dresses. She'd ask her mother for fabric and the woman would always provide, giving her swaths of fabric in every color imaginable to create with. If it weren't for her mother, Ashlynn's love for fashion never would've been cultivated, and Ashlynn will never forget that. With every new dress she makes, her love for her mother is infused in every stitch.

XXX 12:07 pm

Ashlynn hums along to Christmas music as she prepares lunch. It's what they have every year on this day: vegan vegetable lasagna. The inviting scent of tomato sauce makes Ashlynn's mouth water. Her stomach rumbles in anticipation. As she finishes folding the pasta, she shoves the tray into the oven. She sets the timer, takes off her festive snowman oven mitts, and makes her way back to the living room. Her heart melts at the sight that greets her. Her mother is sitting on the floor next to Willow, building a tower with her. Briar sits on the couch, a warm smile on her face as she watches them. They all turn to look as she enters the room.

“Hey, Ash,” Briar greets.

Eleanor waves from her spot on the floor. “Hello, honey. Willow here is just showing me how to build a tower!”

Ashlynn giggles.

“I'm helping Grandma, Mommy!” Willow exclaims, her little voice merry as sleigh bells.

Ashlynn grins as she comes to sit on the couch next to Briar. “That's great, sweetie! Good job!”

She gives her daughter a thumbs up. Willow giggles, doing a thumbs up back. Ashlynn laughs softly and the other two women join in. Eleanor reaches out, running a hand through her granddaughter’s wavy locks.

“You're such a good tower builder, Willow!” She exclaims. “How are you so good?!”

Willow immediately points to Ashlynn. “Mommy showed me!”

Ashlynn's heart squeezes with the adoration she feels for her daughter.

“Oh, baby,” she coos, smiling widely.

“And Auntie Briar too!” Willow exclaims, pointing to Briar.

Ashlynn crosses her arms, fauxing annoyance. She rolls her eyes dramatically. “Okay, I see how it is.”

Briar and Eleanor laugh. Briar nudges Ashlynn's shoulder. “I guess you're not the only tower builder expert in these parts, Ash!”

Ashlynn swats her arm playfully. “Excuse me?! I don't think so!”

As Briar swats her back, Ashlynn notices her mother watching them. She's smiling softly, adoration in her eyes, but there's also something else in her expression, a certain glint in her eyes, like she knows a secret that they don't. Or that they pretend they don't.

XXX

After lunch, Ashlynn's mother has to head home. She has to prepare for her Christmas Eve dinner with her husband, and Ashlynn and Briar have to prepare for theirs with their friends. They're hosting this year, so it's important that they get an early start on preparations.

Ashlynn feels heavier as she stands up. She hates goodbyes, even if they're far from permanent. As she watches her mother scoop Willow into her arms though, peppering her head with kisses, Ashlynn's chest fills with a warmth that sweeps any sadness away.

“Goodbye, my sweet girl,” the woman says softly.

“Bye, Grandma!” Willow exclaims, planting a sloppy kiss on her grandmother's cheek.

Her mother clearly doesn't mind the slobber. She just laughs softly and sets Willow down. Next, she hugs Briar.

“Goodbye, Briar. Thank you so much for having me. And for taking such good care of my daughter and granddaughter.” Her voice is soft, filled with admiration and love.

Briar’s face goes red as she squeezes the woman back. Ashlynn grins at seeing Briar so flustered. She’s so cute.

“O-of course, Ms. Ella,” she stutters out. “Come anytime. We're always happy to have you.”

As they pull away, her mother squeezes the girl's shoulders, giving her a warm smile. “I'll keep that in mind.”

Next up is Ashlynn. As her mother draws her into a warm hug, Ashlynn wraps her arms around the woman tightly. She savors every second of the embrace, breathing in the scent of pine perfume and the mint shampoo she's used for as long as Ashlynn can remember.

“I love you, my baby,” her mother whispers into her ear, giving her a squeeze.

“I love you too, Mom,” Ashlynn murmurs, squeezing the woman back. “Thank you. For everything.”

Her eyes suddenly burn as all the gratitude she feels for her mother swells through her.

“Oh, my love,” her mother coos. “You are so, so welcome. And thank you. For being the most perfect daughter.”

Ashlynn lets out a watery chuckle. “I don't know about perfect.”

“Yes perfect,” her mother responds. “Always perfect.”

XXX Friday February 5, 2018 (senior year of high school) 7:21 pm

“This color looks so good on you, Briar!” Ashlynn exclaims. “Move over, pink! Green might be your color!”

The girls are sitting on their dorm room floor, bottles of nail polish surrounding them, Katy Fairy music playing in the background. Ashlynn is currently doing Briar's nails. Briar already finished Ashlynn's nails, which she painted a beautiful shade of carnation pink. They decided to do a color swap tonight. Briar giggles, cheeks suddenly pink under Ashlynn's praise.

“Thanks,” she says, voice soft.

Ashlynn chuckles. “I love getting you all flustered! You're so cute!”

Briar’s face goes from pink to beet red. Ashlynn bursts into laughter.

“Stoppp!” Briar whines.

“It's true! I mean, just look at you!”

Before Briar can stop her, Ashlynn reaches out, booping her on the nose. Briar flinches, rolling her eyes in fake annoyance.

“Oh you!” she exclaims, but the humor in her voice is unmistakable, and then she starts laughing too.

After their laughter dies out, there's a moment of comfortable silence. There aren't many people that Ashlynn can sit silently with and not feel awkward, but Briar is one of the few. There's always been a certain sense of comfort and relaxation that Briar brings her, and in this moment, Ashlynn relishes the feeling.

A moment later, Briar breaks the silence. “You gonna finish painting my toesies, as you call them?”

Both girls giggle.

“Well, I actually think they look good half-done,” Ashlynn teases.

Briar raises an eyebrow playfully. “You do, do you? Well, I guess you won't mind if I…”

Using the element of surprise to her advantage, she lunges at Ashlynn and begins tickling her feet. Ashlynn shrieks before a fit of giggles takes over.

“Briarrr, you know how ticklish I am!” Ashlynn exclaims between her laughs.

Briar laughs along with her. “Well, you better paint the rest of my nails then, young lady!”

Ashlynn puts her hands up. “Okay okay, I relent!”

“Are you sureeee?” Briar asks, a mischievous lilt to her voice as she continues tickling Ashlynn's feet.

“I'm sure! I'm sure!”

“Alrighttt then.”

Briar scoots back. She looks at Ashlynn, face flushed and eyes bright. Ashlynn scowls, but they both know it's in jest. Briar and Ashlynn had tickle fights all the time as kids (they actually got reprimanded for it a few times in spellementary school). Ashlynn can only keep the scowl in place for another few seconds before a smile takes its place. She giggles.

“You know I'm going to have to get you back now,” Ashlynn says matter of factly. “I'll get you back when you least expect it, Bri Bri.”

Briar narrows her eyes. “Bring it on, Ash Ash.”

They start to have a stare-off, but can only hold it for a moment before bursting into laughter. Ashlynn still has Briar's nails to finish and she's totally going to tickle Briar awake tonight, but for this moment she just savors the joy of laughing with her best friend.

XXX 10:13 pm

The end credits of the movie (they decided on “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”) are rolling on the laptop. Ashlynn and Briar lie side by side in Briar's bed, each girl too tired to move. Ashlynn can feel herself starting to drift off, her eyelids growing heavy, when Briar suddenly speaks.

“Hey, Ash?” Her voice is soft. She pauses for a moment, clearly thinking hard about what she's going to say.

Ashlynn turns over to face her friend. She stifles a yawn behind her hand before asking quietly, “What is it?”

Briar takes a deep breath before turning onto her side and looking at Ashlynn. They're so close, their faces are nearly touching. Briar’s eyes are filled with an intensity Ashlynn doesn't usually see in them. Just when Ashlynn is starting to get concerned, Briar speaks again, her voice still gentle, like she's talking to a wounded animal.

“Have you thought about when you're going to tell your parents about your…you know…pregnancy?”

She says the last word even more softly, like she's afraid it will set Ashlynn off. Ashlynn doesn't blame her for thinking that. As always when the topic of telling her parents her secret is brought up, Ashlynn’s chest floods with panic and her breath shortens. Briar’s eyes widen. She bites her lip, her eyes filling with regret.

“Hey,” she murmurs. “It's okay, Ash. I'm sorry for asking. You have plenty of time to get ready to do it, okay? A pregnancy lasts for nine months after all. You're probably not going to even start showing for another few months, so…”

All these words–pregnancy, showing, nine months–slam against Ashlynn's brain like sledgehammers. Her chest begins to tighten. She squeezes her eyes shut, for some reason unable to bear seeing the sympathetic expression on Briar’s face. She hates this. She hates worrying her friends. She hates constantly relying on people. She hates being some kind of charity case. She's a princess. She has everything. She's supposed to be the one giving. Not receiving. And who gave you everything? her mind echoes. Even in the midst of her oncoming panic, she knows the answer. She takes a deep, shaky breath before opening her eyes. Briar looks more concerned than ever, a deep furrow between her brows. Ashlynn clears her throat before speaking.

“I'm going to tell them.” Her voice is shaky, but she keeps going. “This weekend. I'll tell them.”

Briar nods, her expression soft, cautious, like she knows one wrong word will set Ashlynn off again.

“Okay,” she says gently. “Don't feel forced though, okay? I'm not trying to force you.”

Ashlynn nods, managing a tiny smile.

“I know you're not,” she whispers. “Don't worry.”

Briar breathes a sigh of relief. She still looks worried though, the dip between her brows not fading. Seeing the genuine concern in Briar’s eyes draws the next words out of Ashlynn.

“I'm just–” Ashlynn swallows heavily, her throat swollen. When she speaks again, her voice is nothing but a pitiful squeak. “I'm just scared.”

Briar’s expression grows even more sympathetic if possible.

“I know, baby,” she murmurs. “I know. Everything will be alright. Come here.”

As Briar gathers her in her arms, Ashlynn curls against her, burying her face in her chest. Briar is warm and smells like roses and holds her so securely that Ashlynn finally feels entirely protected, like maybe the oncoming disaster she's always expecting actually won't happen.

XXX

Ashlynn eventually falls asleep in Briar's arms. Her dreams are vivid, feeling more real than they ever do. Ashlynn is a child again. She's in the parlor of her castle sitting on the fuzzy turquoise rug she'd loved so much. She's playing with Barbie dolls, a princess and prince, acting out her fairytale with them.

“I have the other slipper!” she exclaims, maneuvering the princess doll to look like she's holding the tiny glass slipper.

Just as the words are leaving her mouth, her Stepauntie stomps into the room. Her dark beetle eyes immediately land on Ashlynn. Ashlynn freezes, icy horror surging through her as she realizes her auntie heard what she'd said.

“Insolent child!”

Ashlynn flinches at the woman's loud, grating voice. She doesn't know what insolent means, but as she turns and sees the pure rage in her Stepauntie's tomato red face, she knows it can't mean anything good.

“You're nothing but a whiny brat, just like your mother!”

Spit flies from her mouth as she talks, droplets landing on Ashlynn's face. Ashlynn bites her tongue, knowing if she points it out she'll get in bigger trouble.

“I'll have to teach you a lesson!”

Ashlynn gasps in shock as her Barbie princess doll is suddenly snatched from her hands. Just as quickly the head is snapped off, landing onto the carpet that Ashlynn loves so much. Hot tears immediately fill her eyes as she stares at her doll’s beautiful face, now separated from the rest of her body. She sniffs, trying not to cry, but a sob forces its way out. Stepauntie scoffs.

“Of course you're crying! You and that ding dong mother of yours! Always so sensitive!”

With a final scathing sneer, Stepauntie strides out of the room.

Once Ashlynn can't hear her heavy footsteps out in the hall anymore, she runs from the living room, dashing to her mother's bedroom. Her mother is sewing her a dress today and she usually sews in her room, so that’s probably where she is. She's heaving with sobs now, tears streaming down her cheeks. She knocks frantically at her mother's door. The woman answers almost immediately. Her eyes widen with shock when she sees the state her daughter is in.

“Baby girl!” she exclaims.

She quickly scoops Ashlynn up into her arms and shuts the door. She slowly rocks her back and forth as she walks over to the bed. When she sits down, she shifts Ashlynn into a more comfortable position against her. Ashlynn buries her face in her shoulder, choking on sobs.

“Shhh,” her mother soothes, gently rubbing her back. “It’s okay, angel. Mommy's here.”

Once Ashlynn has caught her breath and her sobs have dwindled to hiccups and sniffles, her mother broaches the subject.

“Can you tell Mommy what happened, sweetheart?" she asks, her voice soft.

“Stepauntie yelled at me. And she…” Ashlynn's voice breaks.

She can't even bear to say what happened to her precious doll. Just the thought sends a sharp pain through her chest.

“What did she do, baby?” her mother asks softly, clearly knowing there's more to the story.

Ashlynn knows it's wrong to lie, but right now she just can't stomach telling the truth.

So she just nestles closer to her mother and mutters, “She just yelled at me. A lot.”

Her mother is silent for a long time, just running her fingers through Ashlynn's hair. When she finally speaks, her voice sounds different, like her throat is tight and she has to choke her words out.

“I'm so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.”

“It's okay,” Ashlynn assures, sensing that her mother is upset.

Now she feels ashamed for making a fuss.

“It’s not,” her mother says, her strangled voice barely above a whisper. She sniffs. “But it's just something we Cinderellas have to do.”

A silence envelops them then. As Ashlynn thinks over what her mother just said, she feels something she doesn't usually feel. Anger.

XXX When Ashlynn wakes up from her dream, the feeling hasn't gone away. Anger sits in her chest like a lump of coal. Smoking, crackling, festering.

XXX Saturday February 6, 2018 9:47 am

“Everything will be alright,” Hunter murmurs, his breath warm against Ashlynn's ear.

They're standing by Ever After High’s transportation well, which students use to travel when they're at school. Ashlynn had been relieved when Hunter had offered to walk her out, and her relief is even more immense now as he holds her close and strokes her hair. Her anxiety is through the roof, heart hammering, chest constricting, but Hunter's embrace soothes her like nothing else can.

“Your parents love you,” he assures her, his voice gentle. “And they're never going to stop loving you. Okay?”

Ashlynn nods against his chest. Logically she knows Hunter is right, but worst case scenarios still won't cease their constant loop through her head. Her parents disowning her, denying her any kind of support, calling her a whore, a screw up, and all sorts of other nasty names.

“I love you," he whispers.

She breathes in the soothing scent of his pine cologne before pulling back and looking into his eyes, green and filled to the brim with adoration. “I love you too.”

XXX 10:00 am

When Ashlynn steps into her castle at ten on the dot, her heart is crashing in her ears, and her chest is tightening more by the second. She's nauseous too and it's actually not from the morning sickness for once. She can't believe she's about to do this.

She doesn't realize she's zoned out until the guard, Lenny, who's escorting her says her name loudly, clearly having already said it a few times.

“Princess Ella!”

Her cheeks flush with embarrassment.

“Sorry, Lenny. What were you saying?”

“It's alright,” he assures her, looking at her with his kind blue eyes. “I was just telling you that your parents are in the parlor.”

“Thank you so much,” she says, smiling back at him. "I'll see you later then. Have a good day.”

“Thank you and a good day to you, Princess Ella.”

“Thanks.”

She waves before starting to make her way to the parlor across the hall. Morning light streams in from the arched stained glass windows, illuminating the mahogany floors. Their castle is more simple than most, as a large element of the Cinderella story is modesty, but it's beautiful all the same.

Ashlynn smiles as she passes the wall with family photos. She gazes at the framed picture of her and her parents at a carnival. She's in between them, no older than five with her hair in pigtails, both her parents’ arms wrapped around her. The hugest of smiles are on all their faces. A gentle swell of warmth temporarily replaces the crashing waves of panic in her chest. As her eyes land on another photo though, a picture of her as a baby smiling with wide emerald eyes, the panic quickly consumes her again.

XXX

“Ashlynn!” her mother exclaims, as soon as she enters the room.

The woman jumps up from her chair and hurries over to Ashlynn, immediately throwing her arms around her.

“Oh my baby!” she squeals. “I'm so happy to see you! It’s been too long!”

Ashlynn tries to hide the fact that she's shaking as she hugs her mother back, but that's not exactly possible. Luckily, her mother is too excited to notice. As her mother pulls back, Ashlynn's gaze lands on her father who is sitting in a chair across the room. His jet black hair perfectly combed back, his steely gray eyes, his stiff posture, his perfectly ironed brown suit–everything about him screams corporate. It's unusual for a character of such a prestigious fairytale to start a whole business venture of their own, but her father had done it when he started Charming Home Supply at the age of 22.

It was a wild success from the start, everybody being excited to shop at a store owned by a celebrity. And now there are hundreds of Charming Home Supply stores all over the world. Ashlynn is actually surprised he's home right now. He rarely is, nearly always out with some excuse or another about low supply or incompetency in the workplace to be dealt with. Her father isn't mean per say, but he's cold and serious and she has a feeling she wouldn’t want him to be her boss.

Realizing she's been staring, Ashlynn clears her throat and addresses him.

“Hey, Dad. How are you?”

He looks at Ashlynn and nods his head, face expressionless, like he's approving stock for his company. His voice as usual is flat, no emotion to be found.

“Hello, Ashlynn. I am well. How are you?”

“Oh, I'm…good.”

Remembering where she is and what she's about to do, her panic rears its head again and she's suddenly at a loss for words. Unfortunately, her mother notices her distress. Her eyes narrow.

“Hey, Ash sweetie,” she says, her voice soft. “Why don't we sit down?”

XXX

“You're what?” Her father's voice, usually emotionless, is tight with anger.

The second Ashlynn had begun her confession, unable to keep it in after they sat down for more than a minute, her parents' eyes had widened. The fire of anger quickly replaced the shock in her father's eyes. Her mother still looks shocked, expression not changing. Ashlynn, who had immediately began crying as she confessed, sobs harder at the pue disdain in her father's voice.

“I'm so sorry, Dad!”

She can feel his eyes boring into her from where he sits across the room, but she can't bear to look up at him and see the blaze of his anger again. It's difficult enough to hear it. Ashlynn's mother is sitting next to her on the couch, but the space between them feels infinite. Ashlynn has no idea how she's going to react and that terrifies her even more than her father's rage.

She flinches as her father’s voice rises to a shout. “I thought you knew better, Ashlynn! Even after you pulled your stupid rebellion stunt, I still thought you had enough brains and class to not go and do something like this!”

She's convulsing with the force of her sobs, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, like she's trying to hold herself together in the face of her father's wrath. His voice turns into a distant ring in the back of her head as her panic reaches a point where everything begins to fade from her consciousness.

It's not until her mother's hand touches her arm, feather light, that Ashlynn slowly regains awareness of her surroundings. Through blurry eyes, she realizes her father has left. Her mother's hand stays on her arm, warm and soft. Her hand is shaking, but not from anger.

“Baby.” Her mother's voice is hoarse. “Why didn't you tell me right away? I-I would've been there for you. You know I'd never shun you.”

And then that emotion that Ashlynn rarely feels, that had filled her to the brim that day Stepauntie broke her doll and her mother did nothing about it, is back. It consumes her until she feels nothing else. She turns to face her mother whose emerald eyes are still wide, tears running down her cheeks. Ashlynn isn't scared anymore. She's furious.

"And how was I supposed to know that you wouldn't shun me?! My whole life, you've expected so much of me! Expected me to cater to Stepauntie's every desire, letting her talk down to me, just letting all this shit happen because it's my destiny! How could you put that much pressure on me my whole entire life and then be shocked that I'm scared of your reaction to me being pregnant at eighteen?!"

Ashlynn struggles to get all the words out, her chest burning with panic, her body heaving with sobs, but in this moment she wants more than anything for her mother to know how she's hurt her. She's nearly hyperventilating now, but she has more to say. She looks her mother in the eye, rage crashing like ocean waves within her. But despite all this fury, her voice is suddenly small as she utters her next words.

"I'm your daughter. How could you stand by and let that happen to me?"

Weakness overcomes her then, a wave of lethargy that almost knocks her down, her body too exhausted to withstand this cyclone of emotions. All she can do is cry, sobs with such force that they're making her head spin, her stomach lurch, her senses dull.

But with what's left of her consciousness, she feels warm arms draw her close, soft fingers running through her hair.

"Baby girl," her mother murmurs, her voice choked.

Ashlynn hears utter heartbreak in just those two words. She can feel waves of devastation rolling off the woman.

And as regret adds to the pile of grief and fear inside her, her control grows even weaker. If it weren't for her mother holding her, she'd collapse.

"I'm sorry!" she splutters, barely able to get the words out. "I'm so sorry!"

"Shhh, baby," her mother soothes. "You did nothing wrong. I'm the one who's sorry. But right now, you need to settle down, baby, okay? You're going to make yourself sick. Take a deep breath. Shhh."

Ashlynn clings to her mother, unable to do anything but sob helplessly. It hurts and she can't breathe and it's terrifying, but her mother holds her through it all, whispering encouragement into her ear. Ashlynn in the midst of her hysteria doesn't hear everything, but three words do enter her consciousness and fill her with a much-needed comforting warmth.

“My perfect girl.”

XXX Present Time (Thursday December 24, 2020)

Ashlynn hums to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman” as she sets the table for their Christmas Eve dinner. Willow is napping, so other than the music, the house is mostly quiet. Thinking about their visit with her mother earlier, a familiar warmth rushes through her.

“Isn't my mom the best?!” she exclaims, looking over at Briar who's loading dishes into the dishwasher.

Briar looks back at her smirks. “No, my mom is!”

Ashlynn scoffs jokingly. “Your mom's great, but my mom is the ultimate mom!”

“You take that back!” Briar exclaims, the wide grin on her face contradicting the false anger in her voice, “or I'll throw this soapy sponge at you!”

“You wouldn't dare.” Ashlynn narrows her eyes at her.

Briar’s eyes are bright with mischief. “Oh, I'd dare!”

She angles her arm back and Ashlynn thinks she's actually going to throw the sponge for a second, but then Briar is turning back to the sink, laughing.

“We really were blessed with some great moms though, weren't we, Ash?” Briar’s voice is soft, the love she has for her mother shining through.

Ashlynn smiles gently. “We really were.”

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 32: The Hero)

Darling laughs giddily as her and Daring’s wooden toy swords collide. They weave side to side, blades striking again and again. Dexter is running toward them, glasses sliding down his face, sword hanging limply by his side. He always struggles to keep up with Darling and Daring when they’re playing knights. Darling often has to console him over the matter. She reassures him that he’s better than them at other things, like board games. He almost always wings at Sorry! But his shame is never lifted no matter what she says. So, she has taken to going easy on him when they swordfight. She certainly doesn’t make things easier for Daring though. She jabs and thrusts as hard as she can, pivoting and dodging with ease. He’s a decent swordfighter, but he’s clumsier than her, unable to swerve as quickly as her. She hates to admit it, but she does feel some pride over this, considering he practices swordfighting daily with an instructor and she only gets help occasionally from her father (when he’s not busy with royal duties, that is).

While Darling loses her concentration for a second as a dragonfly flies past her, Daring manages to disarm her. Her wooden sword sails through the air, landing in the grass behind her. She’s jolted back to reality. Registering what just happened, she groans. Daring snickers, eyes bright with excitement.

“Not such an amazing knight now, are you, Darling?!”

Her face burns as he continues to laugh and tease her. Dexter, who has finally caught up with them, pats her shoulder.

“It’s fine, Darling,” he assures her. “I’m sure you’ll beat him next time.”

“Yeah right!” Daring exclaims. “I’m clearly better!”

Darling scoffs before sticking her tongue out at him. He immediately does it back, continuing to jeer at her all the while. She mocks him back, though her insults are no better than his. She’s definitely overusing the word “buffoon.” Dexter stands awkwardly beside her, looking like he wants to say something, but he decides against it, clearly knowing there’s no stopping his siblings’ bickering.

Their teasing is beginning to die down, both children running out of disparaging remarks to say, when a sudden gust of air, cold as ice, blows against the back of Darling’s neck. She shudders, her brow creasing with confusion.

“Did you feel that?” she asks her brothers.

“What?” Dexter asks.

She shivers as the puff of wind hits her neck again, even colder than last time.

“That wind!” she exclaims. “You don’t feel it?! It’s so cold!”

Her brothers shake their heads, looking as bewildered as she feels.

“Are you feeling alright?” Daring asks, sounding genuinely concerned, a stark contrast to his prior derisive behavior towards her.

“Yeah. It’s just…”

She trails off as her neck is blasted with the frigid air again. This time though, it’s accompanied by an equally freezing touch, as fingers rest against her neck, sharp nails piercing her skin. She freezes, the cold filling her insides as fear consumes her. She grits her teeth as the nails dig in further. She can feel the warmth of the blood that begins to pool on her skin, but it’s almost instantly chilled too by the numbing cold of the fingers. She wants to run away, hide where nobody can find her, but she’s rooted to the spot by the terror coursing through her. Daring and Dexter never ran away, but they’ve disappeared, like this creature behind her has zapped them from existence.

Finally, after what feels like hours, hours of pure, unadulterated horror, a voice speaks.

“How. Dare. You.”

She tenses even further as she registers who the voice belongs to. It’s deeper than she’s ever heard it, filled with a rage so heavy, Darling can feel it pressing against her chest. Her breath shortens as panic courses through her.

By the time she finds her own voice, she can barely breathe.

“Mom?”

She’s barely able to get the words out, her airway constricting.

“That’s right.” Her mother’s voice is as low and biting as before.

Darling swallows, her throat dry. Her entire body is trembling, but she still can’t move.

“Turn around.”

Darling knows it’s in her best interest to comply, but her body won’t obey her no matter how hard she wills it to turn.

“I can’t.”

Her mother lets out an ear-splitting laugh, shaking the ground with its force. It’s the sound of pure evil, filling her veins with ice. It almost knocks Darling to the ground. The birds perched in the trees fly away. The deer that were grazing in the meadow beyond them dash into the woods. It’s like all life is sucked out of the world, just by that one soulless laugh. The sky, clear and sunny, suddenly begins to darken as the woman speaks again.

“Of course you can’t, you useless vermin. You can’t do anything.”

Each venomous word pierces Darling’s heart harder, a sharper blade each time. Tears burn her eyes. She doesn’t have time to cry though, as she’s suddenly being swept off the ground by her mother’s bitter cold hands. She shrieks as the ground grows further and further away. Why is she so high up?

As her body is turned around and she comes face to face with her mother, her question is answered. The woman is massive, several times larger than she used to be. Darling is higher up than the pine trees in the distance. Her wooden sword lying in the grass is nothing but a brown dot now. Her attention is brought back to the monster holding her as she speaks again. Darling gasps in shock as she’s brought even closer to the woman’s face. Her mother’s eyes, once light blue like hers, are solid black now. Instead of pupils, there are spinning black swirls, two twin vortexes. Darling can feel their magnetic force as she’s drawn closer. She knows it’s only a matter of time before she gets sucked into the depths.

When her mother speaks in her deep, thundering voice, each word that she slowly utters is like a knife to Darling’s heart.

“You are a dishonor to this family. You’ve failed me, you lousy dyke.”

Darling shudders, trying to breathe through the pain the cruel words inflict. Tears are streaming down her face as her mother speaks again, even louder this time. The ground quakes again under the force.

“Now I’ll send you back to where you belong! Say hello to Hell!”

Darling doesn’t even have time to register what’s happening before she’s launched forward into the inky depths of the vortexes. The sheer intensity of the cold immediately sucks the air from her lungs. It burns like fire on her skin. Her vision is black. She tries to scream, but she can’t make a sound. It’s a blessing when her body finally goes numb. She loses all sense of time and space, suspended in the empty darkness.

Suddenly, she’s falling. She can feel again. The dropping of her stomach, the wind roaring in her ears, the overwhelming cold. A few moments later, she lands lightly on something soft. She can feel something wrapped around her, warm and gentle. Her fear is washed away in an instant, replaced by a feeling of absolute safety. Another emotion is there as well though, and as she registers the hot tears rolling down her cheeks, she realizes it’s sadness. Overwhelming sadness that takes her breath away. It’s like the only thing holding her together is what’s surrounding her with its warm security.

When she hears a voice, the tone so unlike her mother’s deep, cold pitch, she realizes what’s around her. Arms. Soft arms holding her with such love and care.

“It’s going to be okay, my love,” the voice, so gentle and encouraging, murmurs. “Everything will be okay.”

Darling comprehends then exactly what’s happening. It’s Apple holding her. Her sweet Apple. The love of her life. Darling’s face is buried in her chest, arms wrapped tightly around her waist. They’re sitting on a bed. As everything sinks in, a sob breaks from her throat. And then she can’t stop, completely overcome with devastation.

“Shhh,” Apple whispers, gently running her fingers through her hair. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”

Now fully immersed in the situation, Darling speaks.

“She hates me!” she sobs, barely able to get the words out through her heaving breaths. “My own mother hates me!”

“Shhh,” Apple soothes again. “No she doesn’t, baby. She doesn’t.”

Darling shakes her head. Apple sighs softly. She gently presses her lips to Darling’s head.

“You’re so loved, you know that?” Her voice shakes with emotion. “I love you so so much, baby girl. So much.”

XXX Present Time (Wednesday December 23, 2020) 6:22 am

Darling’s eyes snap open. Gone are the arms that had held her so tenderly. She still feels the softness underneath her, but all she sees now is the chipped blue paint of a ceiling. It takes her a moment to realize she’s in her bed and that it was all a dream. She slowly sits up, rubbing her eyes and yawning. Picking up her phone from the bedside table, she checks the time. 8 minutes until her alarm is set to go off. Today is her first day back at her internship since Dexter's accident. She's been going to her classes, but that along with the internship would've been too much at first. Luckily, her boss has been extremely understanding. Getting back into a schedule should be good. Her classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and the internship is on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.

As she sits there and tries to shake her fatigue off, her dream replays in her mind in flashes. She chews on her lip, remembering all the emotions: the glee of playing with her brothers, the terror of her mother’s attack, the grief of the woman’s rejection, the love from and for Apple.

She suddenly has the strong urge to be in the girl’s arms again. The room is empty though. Apple usually gets up at the same time as her, but sometimes either girl will get up earlier. Darling doesn’t hear the shower running. Her brow creases in confusion, wondering where the girl is then. She gets up to investigate. As she reaches the bedroom door, she hears voices coming from the next room, which is the guest room where Raven is sleeping. It’s very unusual for Raven to be up this early. Maybe she’s upset. But as Darling listens, though she can’t hear what the girls are saying, the discussion sounds casual. Maybe this is a good sign, Darling thinks. Raven actually being up early and conversing normally. With that thought in mind, she grabs her work uniform and heads off to the bathroom to shower.

XXX

In the shower, still reeling from her dream, childhood memories invade her mind. She remembers how careful she and her father had to be about keeping their swordfighting lessons a secret. If her mother had found out, both she and her father would’ve been toast. The woman strongly disapproved of Darling doing anything that isn’t “ladylike.” She was only allowed to play swordfighting with her brothers occasionally. Sewing, embroidering, knitting, and piano were the pastimes that the queen approved of.

The only outdoor activity she was allowed to participate in was horseback riding. And even that had to be done in a “ladylike” manner, so it ended up feeling like yet another chore, one of the many duties she was expected to perform. On top of this, the only books she liked for Darling to read were academic books, mostly about the history of the kingdoms. Darling loved to read, but of course the queen didn't approve of fiction books, which was what Darling preferred.

When Darling was ten years old, she had found a book about a female knight at the back of the castle library. She’d been thrilled and ran to her bedroom to begin reading it right away. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been able to hide it quickly enough when her mother unexpectedly came to get her for dinner (it was always the servants who gathered the children for meals). She’d never seen her mother so angry before. The woman had trembled with rage, face crimson as she ripped the book pages to shreds.

“How did this filth get in our library?!” she’d screamed. “How could something so undignified and disgusting be in our castle?! Our home?!”

Darling had sobbed as her mother rampaged, frightened to see the woman in such a crazed state.

Now, standing under the stream of hot water, breathing in the steam, she still shudders at the memory. It took her a long time to accept this, but she finally has: her mother is an absolutely horrible woman. With that bitter thought in mind, Darling proceeds with her shower.

XXX 6:48 am

Darling’s eyes widen as she walks into the kitchen and is greeted by the sight of her girlfriend by the stove, flipping pancakes.

“Good morning, baby!" Apple exclaims. “How are you doing? Did you sleep well?”

“Oh sweetie, you didn’t have to cook breakfast!” Darling exclaims. “I was just going to grab a protein shake!”

Apple waves her hand dismissively. “Oh hush. None of that. My girl deserves only the best!”

“But-”

Darling tries to protest, but Apple interjects again.

“It’s your first day back on the job since the accident,” she insists. “This is the least I can do!”

Darling frowns. “But you have work too.”

Apple sighs. “Even so, it isn’t my first day back. I’ve been going. And you’ve been cooking for me so much lately. The least I can do is return the favor.”

Darling deflates, realizing the girl is right. It’s not uncommon at all for Apple to cook breakfast for her. They usually each do it about half the time. But it feels so urgent to Darling right now that she should be the one doing the little day to day things, like cooking and cleaning. Apple is having to handle so much with her royal duties, school, and supporting her and Raven. The words that Apple has told her so many times suddenly echo in her head. You’re struggling too though. You need to take care of yourself too. Even if she doesn’t want to admit it for some reason, Darling rationalizes that her girlfriend (well, technically her voice in her head) is right.

Now she feels a stab of regret, realizing that she hasn’t even thanked Apple yet. So taking a deep breath, she addresses the girl calmly, a soft smile forming on her face as she speaks.

“I’m sorry, love. You’re right. Thank you so much for breakfast. It looks delicious.”

Apple grins. “That’s alright, baby. I know you’re just looking out for me.”

She sets the spatula down, crossing the small space between them to kiss her girlfriend. What was supposed to be a brief kiss quickly takes a turn. Before Darling knows it, she’s completely swept away, entranced by the girl’s lips. They’re soft, warm, and taste of the cherry chapstick she always wears. But that’s not all they taste like. They taste like her. Apple. Her Apple. She doesn’t know how to describe it, but it’s true. There’s something otherworldly about kissing Apple. It’s like being transported to another dimension. No other sensation matters-the hardness of the tile under her feet, the warmth of the flannel sweater she’s wearing, the scent of the pancakes in the air. Apple’s lips, her arms wrapped snugly around her shoulders, her fingers in her hair…that’s all that matters right now.

She loses all sense of time before there’s suddenly a sense overwhelming enough to break her focus. The smell of burning. Apple gasps, quickly pulling back. Their lips make a popping sound as they disconnect.

“Oh shit!” Apple exclaims. “The pancakes!”

She hurries over to the stove, quickly turning the burner off. Gray smoke wafts from the pan, blowing straight into the girl’s face. She turns to the side, coughing against the crook of her arm. Darling, holding her breath, rushes over, turning the stove fan on. She grabs the pan, discarding the pancakes in the trash can before placing it in the sink.

Apple groans. “Thank you. I’m sorry. I completely forgot about the pancakes.”

Darling gives Apple a reassuring smile. “It’s just as much my fault as yours, baby. No worries.”

Now that the chaos is over, it strikes Darling how funny the situation really is. The urge to laugh creeps in, but she does her best to school her face into a neutral expression, not wanting to upset her girlfriend. The slightly disgruntled look on Apple’s face quickly fades though and is replaced by a smirk.

“It’s okay,” she says, her voice light with humor. “You can laugh.”

Darling gives in then, bursting into peals of laughter. Apple quickly joins in.

“Oh, by the way,” Apple says, once their laughter dies down, “Raven was up when I got up at about six this morning. She was writing a song!”

Apple’s eyes are bright with excitement, a wide smile on her face. A smile immediately forms on Darling’s face as well. This is amazing news!

“Oh wow, that’s great!” she exclaims. “She hasn’t done that since the accident.”

Apple giggles happily. “I know! Maybe we’re finally making some progress!”

“That would be nice. Raven’s so talented. She needs to keep on with music, no matter how hard things get.”

Apple nods. “I agree. I really hope this is a sign that she’ll be getting back into it more.”

Both girls start as Raven suddenly walks into the kitchen.

“What was so funny?!”

Darling is taken aback by the eager expression on the girl’s face. Raven genuinely wants to know what’s funny. With one look at Apple, Darling knows her girlfriend is also surprised by Raven’s unusual joyful behavior. It takes them a moment to get over their shock and find their voices. Darling opens her mouth to respond, but Apple beats her to it. Her voice is cheerful, Raven’s good mood clearly adding to her levity.

“So, I was just cooking pancakes, and then Darling and I kissed and we got a little, um, carried away…”

Her face flushes and Darling’s quickly follows suit, but Apple still plows on with her explanation.

“So we lost track of time and all of a sudden we smelled smoke. And of course the pancakes were burning. Aren’t we the brightest bulbs?”

She bumps shoulders with Darling, grinning widely.

Darling smiles back, giggling. “That we are.”

Darling worries for a second that the discussion of the kiss might upset Raven, triggering thoughts of Dexter, but it doesn’t seem to, as the smile on the girl’s face only widens and she laughs.

“You lovebirds! What am I going to do with you two?! You guys are going to burn the house down at this rate!”

Darling and Apple look at each other before bursting into laughter again. As the three of them laugh, basking in the humor of the moment, a wave of pure joy sweeps over Darling. It feels like old times. Joking around with her girlfriend and BFFA, not a care in the world. She wishes every moment could be like this.

XXX Friday August 3, 2018 (summer after senior year of high school) 11:06 am

“I mean, you’d still be a knight if you were a police officer! You’ll just wear a suit and badge rather than armor!"

Darling snorts. She turns to look at Apple, who is watching over her shoulder as Darling researches careers on her laptop. They’re sitting in their shared bed in a guest room at Briar’s castle where they’ve been staying this summer. Apple had promised to be just a silent supportive presence, but Darling knew that was a lost cause from the start. Still, she appreciates the support. She grins at her girlfriend.

“Interesting kind of knight.”

Apple scoffs.

“It is the same as a knight!” the girl insists. “A police officer is pretty much identical! Protecting citizens, upholding justice, all that cool stuff! See?!”

Darling snorts again. “All that cool stuff? How eloquent you are, Queen White!”

Apple shoves her playfully. “Shut up! I’m not even coronated yet anyways, you doofus! I’ll be as uneloquent as I’d like!”

Darling giggles. “Uneloquent? Not sure if that's a word, sweetie.”

Apple rolls her eyes. “Oh, it must be! I know ineloquent is the usual term, but still, it probably is! Give me your phone! I’m going to look it up!”

“What’s wrong with your phone?!”

“It’s all the way over on the nightstand!”

“All the way over on the nightstand?! Oh God, whatever will we do?!”

Apple shoves her again. “You jerk!”

She pouts dramatically, but her eyes are bright with humor. She can only keep up the act for a moment before bursting into laughter. Darling immediately joins in.

A few minutes later, the girls finally manage to stop joking around. Darling goes back to her research, and Apple makes a point to not talk as much, knowing they’ll just resume their shenanigans.

After a while, the laptop screen begins to blur slightly as eye strain catches up to Darling. She blinks until it comes back into focus. She sighs. Trying to figure out what to do with her life after realizing being a knight just isn’t going to be feasible for her lifestyle has been difficult, but having Apple here with her has made it exponentially easier.

They and most of their friends are starting university in a few weeks, and Darling is the only one who hasn’t decided on a major. Apple is starting her kingdom management degree and is set to be coronated next fall. Apple has been under immense pressure all her life (even more so than Darling and all the other princesses and princes combined), and Darling knows how stupid this feeling of hers is, but sometimes she envies her girlfriend a bit. While having your exact life path carved out for you from before you were born comes with many disadvantages, it also comes with a stability that Darling never had.

Being one of the only children from a major fairytale family with no specific destiny of her own, she'd always felt somewhat left behind, excluded from the predictability Daring and her friends could count on. Even when she’d been given the damsel in distress destiny the summer before high school started (she still thinks Headmaster Grimm made the story up), it had never been the same. Even though in high school she’d gotten along well with everybody and had friends and did well in her classes, she’d still felt a bit like the odd one out. Being the White Knight had helped her work through that feeling, to realize it’s just that: a feeling. She was able to forge her own identity and unlock her true strength. She hadn’t known that she’d been hiding both, and when she came to that revelation, it had unveiled a whole other side of herself to not just others, but herself as well.

It feels like a whole lifetime of events have transpired in the last three years. She can’t believe it hasn’t even been a year and a half since the day she woke Apple up with True Love's Kiss and both their worlds were turned upside down. And to think that they’ve only been dating since February is even stranger. Maybe it’s an effect of being True Loves, but the relationship doesn’t feel new at all. She knows this sounds cheesy, but it truly feels like Apple is her missing puzzle piece. She completes her in ways nobody or nothing ever has before. As a couple, they’ve already faced more anguish than two people should ever have to. With both of their mothers reacting terribly to the news of them being True Loves and that they’re pursuing a relationship together, it’s been far from easy. Darling’s mother even went so far as to disown her.

Darling will never forget that evening. She still doesn’t think she’s fully processed it yet. She’s cried her heart out over it again and again, but still…it’s like it hasn’t fully clicked. And when the news about her and Apple’s romance was leaked in June, things got even crazier. The barrage of hate online, the protests, the paparazzi swarming them practically everywhere they go whether they’re together or alone…it’s been utterly exhausting. Their friends reassure them that it’ll all die down soon, and she and Apple are trying to believe them, but they (especially Apple) have been in the spotlight their whole lives. They know how these things go. Paparazzi is nothing new to Apple, but this kind of attention is wearing on the girl. Darling can tell, no matter how much she tries to hide it. It’s a lot, to say the least. So, trying to figure out what she’s going to do with her life on top of it all…not the easiest thing.

Apple always says to just take it one day at a time though, and Darling does her best to take her girlfriend’s advice. She reminds herself to think of all the happy things there are to look forward to. What she’s most excited about is how she and Apple bought a house, a cute medium-sized house in the suburbs of Book End, and will be moving into it in a couple weeks. Staying at the Sleeping Beauty castle has been nice, though Briar has been at the Cinderella castle more often than not. Ashlynn is due to have Willow in a couple weeks and has decided to stay at her castle until the birth. Then she, Hunter, and Willow will be off to live in a house they bought not far from Apple’s and Darling’s.

Apple and Darling often go with Briar to see Ashlynn too. Ashlynn has been in better spirits the last few weeks, her hormones mellowing for some mysterious reason. But some days they’ll stay at the Sleeping Beauty castle and relax (well, as much as they can with Briar’s eight little brothers running around causing chaos). Briar’s brothers are sweet and fun, though exhausting at times, and her mother is such a kind soul, trying to put on a brave face despite her husband’s recent betrayal. Though Briar and her family are very gracious hosts, Darling and Apple still can’t wait to move into their new house and start this new chapter of their lives together.

Darling is distracted from her thoughts by the buzzing of her phone, which is lying beside her on the bed. Her stomach drops as she looks down and sees what the notification is. Her daily hext from her mother who, despite disowning her, still finds the time to send her a link to a conversion therapy center website every single day. Darling has tried blocking her several times, but by the next day her mother has just changed her number again. Darling’s mind goes into panic mode as she continues to stare at the notification. Not now! she thinks. Not with Apple right next to me! She’s been doing everything she can to hide these texts from Apple, knowing full well how much it’ll anger the girl. Apple already has enough to worry about right now, so Darling doesn’t want to add this nonsense to her plate.

She flinches as Apple suddenly speaks. Her voice is soft with concern.

“What’s up, baby? You seem kind of nervous. Did something on your phone upset you? Another mean news article?”

Darling stiffens, her mind racing as she tries to come up with a lie.

“Uh…” Luckily, one comes to her at that second. “It’s just Briar. I guess Ashlynn is being a real grouch today.”

Apple frowns. “Aww, that’s too bad. I wonder why Briar didn’t hext me about it."

Darling lets out a nervous laugh. “She probably just doesn't want to worry you."

Apple’s brow creases slightly, clearly not entirely buying Darling’s act, but she doesn’t comment further.

“You know what I should do?!” she exclaims a moment later. “Bake them a pie! That should cheer both of them up!”

A smile rises on Darling’s face. Apple is so sweet. She cares so deeply about everybody. Sure, she has her faults like anyone else, but she’s the kind of person that would walk to the ends of the earth for her loved ones. And Darling somehow got lucky enough to be this girl’s true love.

With that uplifting thought in mind, Darling goes back to her job research.

XXX Present Time (Wednesday December 23, 2020) 7:50 am

Darling arrives at the precinct 10 minutes early as she always does. It gives her time to settle into the work day, so she’s ready to go at full-speed by 8:00. The taste of maple syrup still clings to her tongue. Luckily, she and Apple were able to make a second batch of pancakes successfully.

As Darling walks into the office, she’s unusually nervous, butterflies flapping in her stomach. She’s usually quite comfortable here. She gets along with everybody. Both her manager and coworkers are kind, understanding people. There’s a good camaraderie between all of them. It just feels strange being back. It’s only been a few weeks, but this place has been the norm for her the past nine months. And then suddenly it wasn’t. Twice a week she’s come in and spent her days here. She mostly does paperwork, it being an internship and all, but every few weeks or so she gets to shadow a police officer. She waits in excited anticipation for these days.

She’s never witnessed anything violent. They live in a peaceful area after all; there’s rarely serious crime. It’s mostly pulling people over for traffic violations or responding to petty neighborhood complaints. The amount of times the police officer she’s shadowing has had to respond to noise complaints feels virtually endless. But it doesn’t faze Darling. This is why she chose to be a police officer after all: to support Book End citizens. She’s here to serve. That was her White Knight code of honor, and she’s carried it with her ever since.

“Good morning, Darling!” Lindsey exclaims, waving excitedly at her, a bright smile on her face.

A wave of relief passes over Darling. Lindsey is her best friend at the precinct, a fellow intern. She’s bubbly, sweet, and adds fun to even the most boring of days. She reminds her quite a bit of Blondie.

Darling grins, waving back. “Hey, Lindsey! How you doing?”

Lindsey jogs over to her, her long brown hair swaying as she runs. Her aqua eyes glow with excitement when she reaches Darling. She squeals, pulling her into a tight hug. Darling giggles, quickly reciprocating. She’s used to the girl’s affectionate ways.

“I’m doing good,” Lindsey replies, as she pulls away a moment later. “How are you?”

Her enthusiasm suddenly dampens as she asks the question, clearly realizing then what a loaded question that is. She, along with the rest of the precinct, knows what’s been going on. Lindsey has been texting her every day, checking in on her. Darling truly appreciates her kindness and concern. She gives Lindsey a soft smile.

“I’m doing alright. Dexter has been doing significantly better, like I said in my texts. He’s making great progress with his therapists in the memory loss ward!”

Lindsey’s cheer returns, smiling widely at the news.

“Oh my gosh that’s amazing, Darling! Congratulations!”

She gives Darling another hug, squeezing her tight. The breath is sucked from Darling’s lungs by the strength of Lindsey’s grip. She tries not to show how winded she is once the girl pulls away. Lindsey winces as she looks at the clock on the wall.

“We should probably get to our desks. We don’t want Martin getting an attitude with us. You know how he is before his fourth cup of morning coffee.”

Darling giggles. Sheriff Martin (he just goes by Martin in the precinct) is a kind and relatively chill guy, but he can have a bit of a temper at the beginning of the day. He’s not a morning person to say the least. Darling can’t relate. She’s always been an early bird, effortlessly rising from her bed and starting her day. Most of her friends can’t say the same. The only people she’s close with that share her sleeping pattern are Apple, Cupid, and Blondie.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Darling agrees. “We better get to work.”

Lindsey waves, giving her another bright grin. “See you later.”

Darling smiles and waves back. “See ya.”

They only sit a few desks apart, but they try not to talk much on the job. Martin, though not as strict as most bosses, takes work ethic seriously and as interns who are hoping to actually be employees at this precinct in the future, Darling and Lindsey want to maintain a good reputation. Neither of them have slipped up yet, and they hope to keep it that way.

As Darling sits down at her desk and turns her computer on, ready to check her itinerary, she’s greeted by Thomas, her desk neighbor and another intern. He’s more casual of a friend than Lindsey, but he’s sweet and they get along well.

“Hey, Darling. How are you doing?” His signature kind, understanding smile is on his face.

“I’m good, thanks. How are you?”

“Not too bad. Not too bad.”

Darling smiles back. “Glad to hear it.”

His voice is gentler when he speaks again. “How’s Dexter?”

Darling repeats what she told Lindsey. She knew she’d have to be answering the same question a lot today. It’ll probably get old real quick, but still, she’s grateful to have caring coworkers. She can tell that everybody’s concern is genuine, both from the messages they’ve texted her over the last few weeks and the way they’re addressing her now.

Thomas smiles softly. “I’m so glad to hear it, Darling. Truly. I’ve been praying for all of you.”

Darling isn’t a religious person, but she appreciates the prayers all the same.

She smiles again. “Thank you so much, Thomas. That means a lot.”

“Of course.” He sighs as he turns his computer on. “Here we go. Another work day.”

His light brown hair is a bit tousled. Clearly he’s not a morning person either. Darling chuckles as she turns back to her own computer. Darling begins her work, which is filling out reports. There are so many to be done, it’s likely it’ll take her all day. Though she somewhat wishes she could shadow an officer today (the past few weeks, although traumatizing, have been endlessly monotonous and she could use a change of pace), she knows that wouldn’t be the best idea. The last thing she needs right now is something else triggering her. So she’ll take the paperwork, at least until her mental state has improved. She briefly wonders when that will be, but quickly forces the thought from her mind. She’s at work now. She needs to focus on work-related things only. Luckily, paperwork is always a good distraction for her.

By the time eight o’ clock rolls around, everyone is seated and starting their work, both interns and the employees on paperwork duty. The employees on police duty are all suited up and on their way out. Most stop by her desk briefly, exchanging the same pleasantries and questions about Dexter that Lindsey and Thomas did. Some come individually and others in small groups. Darling pleasantly answers every one of them. Though she’s grateful for the support, she’s relieved when everybody is off to do their tasks and she’s left to work in peace. She becomes so immersed in her paperwork, she doesn’t even notice the time passing.

When a deep voice suddenly speaks, she flinches. She flushes when she realizes it’s Martin. Getting startled that easily isn’t a great look for a police officer. As he begins to talk again though, his pleasant tone of voice and kind smile quickly put her at ease.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. How are you doing? I know we’ve been texting a lot, but talking in person is always better, in my opinion.”

Darling smiles. “That’s fine. I’ve been doing pretty good. Dexter’s even better now than when we talked a few days ago."

It occurs to her suddenly that she should be elated when she says this. Of course she’s glad he is. What she wants more than anything is for her baby brother to be okay. But she can’t help but realize how flat she feels, at least on a chemically emotional level. That’s how it’s been the past week or so. It’s like now that the initial panic over Dexter has mostly subsided, her body just doesn’t want to feel anymore. It’s not that she’s feeling absolutely nothing, but the emotions are significantly more muted. She’s not sure whether she hates or likes it.

The bright grin on Martin’s face draws her out of her melancholic musings.

“That’s so amazing to hear, Darling! Congratulations!”

She smiles softly. “Thanks so much, Martin. I really appreciate how much you and everybody else cares.”

His smile grows even warmer. “Of course, Darling. You’re a part of the team. We’re a family here.”

Even with how subdued her emotional responses are right now, she feels a small surge of warmth when he says this. Acceptance has been a constant theme in her life, having felt so rejected by her mother as a child and then being blatantly rejected by her later on when she came out. Knowing that she’s accepted for being exactly who she is, both by individuals and groups, is something she desperately craves. And knowing that she is accepted and validated is one of the most fulfilling feelings ever for her.

“Thank you,” she murmurs. “That means a lot.”

“No need to thank me. I know I’ve said this a lot, but please always let us know if you need anything, alright? If something comes up, I can give you some more time off.”

She nods. “Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.”

“It’s no problem dear.” He clears his throat, then changes the subject. “So, I know you’re due for another shadowing day, but I figure it’s best if we put a rain check on that just in case, you know…something not too good goes down. It’s just…I know emotions are running high for you right now…and I want to make sure we’re not the cause of any distress for you. This is supposed to be a safe space, and the last thing I want is for you or anybody else for that matter to feel unsafe here.”

Darling nods, giving him a grateful smile. “I agree. I really appreciate it. Thank you.”

Martin smiles back. “Don’t even mention it. We’ll just move it to next month and if you’re still not feeling it by then, that is completely okay. Grief doesn’t have a timeline.”

Grief? Darling’s mind echoes. It’s not like Dexter died. Is she really grieving? Yes, Apple and her friends would most certainly answer. But Darling wonders if that’s melodramatic. Dexter remembers her. He’s getting better. Every day she hears such terrible stories on the news of innocent people dying. She and her loved ones were spared that intense pain. Dexter is okay. So she should have it together. Now, Raven should be grieving. When it comes to her relationship with Dexter, she really has lost everything. And she certainly is grieving. But does Darling really have a valid reason to be so hot and cold emotionally right now?

Her once again rambling thoughts are interrupted by Martin’s voice. She flushes as she realizes she hadn’t answered him.

“So, how do you feel about that?”

“Sorry,” she says, trying her best to not let her embarrassment show. “I didn’t mean to zone out there. That sounds good. Thank you so much.”

Martin smiles gently. “That’s fine, Darling. I understand you’ve got a lot to think about. I’ll let you get back to work now. Feel free to come to my office if you need anything.”

She smiles back. “Will do. Thank you again.”

“Of course.” He gives her another smile before walking back toward his office.

Refusing the urge to let her thoughts consume her again, she gets back to work. Once again, the paperwork engulfs her focus, nothing else registering as she types report after report.

Then, just like earlier, she’s startled by a voice next to her.

“Hey, Darling. It’s twelve o’ clock. You want to come have lunch in the break room with me?”

Darling, looking up from her computer, comes face to face with a grinning Lindsey.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Lindsey apologizes. Darling curses her skittishness. “That’s fine, Lindsey. Sure, I’d be happy to join you.”

Truth be told, Darling is barely hungry. The pancakes were very filling, and she hasn’t had much of an appetite since Dexter’s accident. Paperwork is doing such a good job of quelling her racing thoughts that she honestly wants to continue it. It would be rude to deny Lindsey company though, and she knows logically that it’s a good idea to take a small break. She’s learned the hard way over the years that nothing good comes out of overworking. It’s a lesson she and Apple have had to learn together.

“Great!” Lindsey exclaims.

Her friend’s effortless enthusiasm is actually making a lunch break sound more enticing now. She grabs her lunchbox from her work bag, then follows Lindsey into the break room. They take turns washing their hands at the sink before sitting down at one of the several small tables. People are filtering in. Some immediately sit down, others retrieve lunch boxes from the refrigerator, and some microwave their meals. Darling and Lindsey are greeted by several of their coworkers. Lindsey, being the highly outgoing person she is, keeps the conversations going for a while. Darling chimes in occasionally, but for the most part she just listens, nibbling at her ham sandwich.

Eventually, Lindsey lets up with the conversations and turns her attention to Darling.

“Has work been good today?”

Darling waits to swallow before answering. “Yeah, it’s been going good. It’s nice to have nothing other than paperwork to worry about doing. Very relaxing actually.”

Lindsey nods. “I totally get that. The paperwork does drive me crazy a lot. I mean, you know how hyper I am.” Both girls giggle at this. “But yeah, when I’m stressed, it can be nice to just sit there and type.”

“Yeah. How has your day been going?”

“Great! I got some really exciting news actually! The IVF finally worked for Malia! She’s pregnant!”

The veil over Darling’s emotions lifts slightly at this. She knows how broken up the police officer has been over her fertility issues. She’d heard her crying to Lindsey about it in the bathroom a few months ago. Since then, Darling has been sending every positive thought she can Malia’s way. She’s such a kind woman and her entire life she has wanted more than anything to be a mother.

“Aww, that’s amazing!” Darling exclaims. “I’m so happy for her!”

Lindsey grins. “I know, right?! Poor thing was so distraught over her fertility issues. I kept telling her everything would work out, but I really didn’t know. I hate to give people false hope, but I also want to give them all the encouragement I can, you know? I’m just so glad it worked out and that my hope didn’t turn out to be false!”

Lindsey’s admission suddenly gets Darling thinking…is that what people have been doing with her? Every time Apple or Briar or Ashlynn or Holly or any of her friends has reassured her that Dexter will be okay, that everything will turn out fine in the end…have they really meant it, or have they just been saying all those things to console her? In all honesty, that’s often what Darling has been doing with Raven. She’s doubting more and more every day that Dexter will ever remember the girl. But she says and does everything she can to keep the girl’s hopes up. Because Raven is her friend.

And if she’s being even honester with herself: did she believe Dexter would be okay? Earlier this month when he was still in a coma, hooked up to dozens of wires, was she actually convinced of his ability to win in his fight for life? She told herself and her loved ones again and again that she knew he was strong enough to win the battle; but now that he did win the battle and his prognosis is much better, she’s in a headspace where she can begin to face the facts, and this fact in particular has her insides going cold.

She doesn’t have much more time to ponder the question though, as her attention is suddenly drawn to a duo entering the room. Two police officers, a blonde, very muscular woman named Freya and a man with frizzy red hair, surprisingly spindly for a policeman, named Connor. She can’t help but listen in to their conversation, as they’re speaking to each other rather rapidly and using lots of hand gestures.

Something intense had clearly happened. Their voices are filled with concern, their faces somber, as they sit down at a table across the room. They pay the other employees in the room no mind, clearly engrossed in their conversation. Darling can tell it’s not just her listening in. Lindsey and most of the other room occupants have gone silent.

“That was just awful,” says Freya, shaking her head sadly. “Seeing him just wandering around the highway, not knowing where he was or what was going on Poor guy.” She sighs heavily, scrubbing her hand over her face.

Darling’s heart lurches, a wave of panic crashing through her. How could Dexter possibly have gotten out of the hospital?! And why in the world is he that confused?! He was perfectly self-aware just yesterday when she saw him! Her fear is quickly dialed down though when Connor replies a second later.

“And he was so old too. 83, right? Man, that’s just tragic that nobody is looking out for him. This better be a fucking wake-up call for that sorry excuse of a family he has. Leaving him all alone when his dementia is that bad?!”

The breath of relief Darling lets out is so heavy, it shakes her entire body. The trembling only continues, as Freya’s and Connor’s voices are suddenly drowned out by a ringing in her ears. She loses all awareness of her surroundings then, only the rapid beating of her heart and the shrill sound in her ears registering.

She’s only drawn from her stupor by a hand on her shoulder. She jerks at the touch. When her vision focuses again a few seconds later, the first thing she sees is Lindsey looking at her, a worried frown on her face.

“Are you okay?” she asks softly, her voice filled with concern. “You’re really pale.”

Darling’s lips move, trying to form words, but nothing comes out. She takes a deep, shaky breath. The oxygen helps clear her head just enough that she at least can form a few sentences.

“I’m fine,” she croaks. She clears her throat before continuing. “Sorry about that.”

She manages a small smile before taking a few sips of water. At least it helps with the dryness of her throat, even if she doesn’t feel much better in any other way.

There’s still a slight ringing in her ears, the dropping sensation in her stomach hasn’t ceased, and much to her embarrassment, she can’t stop trembling. She knows how obvious it is that something is wrong, but she really doesn’t want to talk about it. The veil that’s obstructed her emotions is lifting quickly now, and she has the terrible feeling it’s not going to descend again for a while. The stinging in her eyes indicates that if she talks, she’ll start crying, and that’s the last thing she wants to do right now. Breaking down in front of her coworkers would be absolutely humiliating. She knows they’d understand, but still…she hates showing vulnerability in the first place, and in a professional setting around people she doesn’t even know that well? Forget about it. She’s going to have to face these emotions soon, but it needs to happen later. When she’s safe at home, away from prying eyes.

Luckily, Lindsey gets the message. She gives Darling’s shoulder a quick squeeze before starting a new conversation, talking about the new puppy she’s fostering. Darling really does try to listen, but now that the curtain over her emotions has lifted, all she can entirely focus on is holding herself together. She does her best to execute the appropriate social responses, but still her mind is elsewhere, fixated on the image of that man being Dexter. All semblance of reality gone from his brain as he meanders along the road, narrowly missed by oncoming traffic. This is silly, her mind snaps. Clearly it’s not Dexter. Is he an old man? No.

But no matter how much she tries to convince herself that she’s being silly, that Dexter is safe in the memory loss ward of the hospital, her mind won’t stop wandering into places that grow darker by the second. What if Dexter didn’t have people who love and care about him? What if the hospital staff was incompetent and allowed him to wander off? What if he was further gone than he actually is? Darling feels her eyes squeezing shut as the what-ifs, stupid yet persistent, continue spinning through her head in an endless loop. What if Dexter had been alone when the dragon crash occurred? What if the medics on the scene and the hospital staff weren’t as well-trained? What if he’d died alone without any of his loved ones by his side?

“That’s not true,” she hisses.

Her eyes snap open as she realizes she said that out loud. Panic gives way to embarrassment as her vision focuses and she sees Lindsey staring at her, eyes wide with concern. Stupid, her mind insists. You’re making a scene. Just stop!

“Darling…” Lindsey’s soft voice trails off.

Darling swallows, but it comes out more like a gulp. Her cheeks are burning. She has no doubt how obvious her emotional state is, but her old excuse for not showing emotion enters her mind: Knights don’t show emotion. That only makes her feel stupider though. She’s not a knight. She wasn’t even ever one. Not really. She was just a silly child playing hero.

She’s snapped out of her self-deprecating thoughts by Lindsey’s gentle voice.

“Darling…maybe you should take the rest of the day off. I know Martin will understand.”

Darling is swept back to reality by that unnerving idea. She can’t leave. Absolutely not. She’s already shown enough weakness today. Leaving now would only make her feel worse. So much worse. So she forcefully shoves down all her fear and agitation and grief and plasters on the most confident smile she can muster. She knows it isn’t much and Lindsey looks far from convinced, but it will have to do. She just has to get through the rest of the work day. Only a little over three hours left. She remembers the piece of advice Apple consistently reminds her of. One step at a time, Darling silently tells herself. Just take it one step at a time. Her first step is playing off her behavior the best she can. She clears her throat before addressing Lindsey as calmly as she can. Her voice still shakes slightly, but she sounds remarkably better than before at least.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

“But you shouldn’t have to be fine.” Lindsey’s voice is soft, but filled with an unmistakable determination, intent on proving her point. “You’re going through a lot right now, and you shouldn’t have to bottle everything up.”

Darling may as well be honest. She nods. “I know. I won’t. But I’m just going to get through the rest of the work day, okay?”

Lindsey looks hesitant, the concerned frown on her face not fading, but she slowly nods, clearly knowing it’s best to let Darling make her own decisions. She reaches out, giving her hand another squeeze, before continuing with her discussion about the puppy.

“She’s just so adorable, Darling! You have to come see her sometime! Ooh, maybe I can convince Martin to let me bring her by the precinct sometime!”

Darling puts all her focus on listening to her friend, knowing that if she lets her mind wander again, she likely won’t be able to make it through the rest of the work day. But somehow she does make it, and when five o’ clock finally rolls around, the overwhelming relief she feels washes away all her negative feelings. But only for a moment unfortunately.

XXX 6:17 pm

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s wrong?”

Darling is jolted from her once again racing thoughts by Apple’s soft voice. She glances up, but quickly looks down at her spaghetti again as she sees the heavy concern in the girl’s expression. She really doesn’t need to be scrutinized by her girlfriend right now. It’s already glaringly obvious that she’s upset, and she’s not entirely convinced she won’t break down the moment her and Apple’s eyes meet. So she keeps her gaze lowered, twirling spaghetti around her fork. She hasn’t eaten a bite; she’s too nauseous. At least Raven is staying with Blondie and Cupid tonight. She can barely hold herself together right now, much less her spiraling friend. Raven could be as happy as she was this morning or as hysterical as she was the day of Dexter’s accident. There’s no telling with her recently.

“Nothing’s wrong,” she mutters. “I’m just tired. Long day.”

Apple sighs deeply. Darling can hear the scraping of chair legs as the girl gets up. She stiffens. Great. Now she’s upset Apple. She can't do anything right. The sound of Apple’s footsteps draw closer though. Rather than leaving the room, she walks over to Darling, crouching down beside her chair. Darling grows even stiffer, her muscles clenching tightly. She doesn’t know what she was thinking. No way would Apple leave her like this. That was merely wishful thinking.

She flinches as soft fingers intertwine with hers. Her breath trembles as their palms connect, the warmth of Apple’s hand immediately beginning to lower her resolve. The girl squeezes her hand and Darling can feel herself growing even weaker. Letting go, she then raises her hand toward Darling’s face. Darling’s jaw clenches as her girlfriend slowly runs her fingers through her tangled hair, gently scratching her scalp, before coming down to cup her jaw.

“Look at me, Darling,” Apple whispers.

A shudder rushes through Darling at the warmth of the girl’s breath against her face. She’s so close, and Darling doesn’t want to be far away anymore. She feels herself leaning closer to Apple. The girl’s fingers gently stroke the sides of her jaw, while slowly lifting her head. There’s no use hiding now. Darling has turned from stiff, cold clay to warm putty under her girlfriend’s loving touch.

As her head is raised, she meets Apple’s gaze. The girl’s expression is soft with sympathy, but the deep furrow in her brow gives away her intense worry. Darling hates doing this to her. Hates making her scramble to figure out what’s wrong. It’s about time she stops being so reclusive and just tells her girlfriend what’s going on. It’s the least she can do for the girl who’s given her so much. She closes her eyes, focusing on the gentle pressure of Apple’s hand against her face, the delicate caresses as the girl’s other hand begins combing through her hair again. She swallows and opens her eyes, ready to open up to her.

But when her mouth opens to speak, she’s suddenly at a loss for what to say. Staring into the beautiful azure ocean of Apple’s eyes, she tries to summon the words, but anything she conjures from the depths of her mind is instantly swept away. To her horror, her eyes begin to burn.

Apple gasps softly, her eyes widening. “Oh, Darling…”

Darling clenches her jaw harder, but it’s no use. She can’t stop the tears. All she can do is stare into the blue irises in speechless agony, whimpers and sniffles the only sounds she can muster.

“It’s okay, honey,” Apple coos, softly stroking her thumbs over her cheeks, catching her tears. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now. We can just–”

Darling shakes her head, words finally spilling out of her, though she can only manage to stutter them out in a series of disordered snippets.

“At work…man…memory less…on freeway…confused…like Dexter…can’t stop thinking…” She can only get out that much before her sobs consume her, racking her body harder by the second.

“Shhh,” Apple soothes. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay.”

Darling allows herself to fully break down as Apple draws her into her arms. She buries her face in the girl’s chest, arms wrapping around her waist. Apple holds her even tighter in response.

“It’s alright, my love,” she whispers. “Everything is alright. Dexter is okay. You’re okay. Everybody is okay.”

Darling knows logically in the back of her mind that this is true, but in the midst of her breakdown, waves of fear continue to crash over her, every possible worst-case scenario flooding her brain again.

Eventually she exhausts herself, and as she drifts back to reality and becomes aware of the warmth of Apple’s arms around her, the soothing sensation of her hands caressing her back, gentle waves of calm gradually replace the violent surges of panic. Apple’s lips rest on her head, planting gentle kisses against her scalp. Darling breathes through her tears, savoring the calming sensations, reassured by the knowledge that Apple is here with her, that she’s loved and taken care of. Dexter is surrounded by people who love and care for him. And so is she.

XXX

Twenty minutes later, Apple and Darling are nestled together on the couch under a blanket, “Gilmore Girls” playing on the television. Apple is lying behind her, arms wrapped tightly around her. Her cheek rests on her head, and every so often she presses gentle kisses to her scalp.

After Darling had calmed down, Apple had immediately gotten the message that Darling didn’t want to discuss the matter any further, so she’d suggested they get their pajamas on and watch TV. Darling had instantly agreed.

As she lies in Apple’s arms, Darling thinks about how lucky she is to have a girlfriend like her, one who understands her on such a deep level that she can know so intuitively what she needs. In situations like these when Darling struggles so much to articulate her emotions, it’s truly a blessing to be with somebody who already understands, where voicing these feelings isn’t necessary in the moment. She’ll tell her more tomorrow, but for now both girls are content to just lie there together, wrapped in an embrace that speaks louder than a million words ever could.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 31: Everything Stays)

Here's a link to a description of "The Game of Things," which is a game that's played in this chapter (you'll need a bit of context to understand what's going on. Don't worry, it's simple.): https://www.thegameofthings.com/game-things-current-instructions#:~:text=here's%20how%20you%20play%3A%20in,which%20player%20wrote%20which%20response.

Present Time (Wednesday December 23, 2020) 3:21 pm

Sunlight is pouring in through the kitchen windows, illuminating the large rolls of festive wrapping paper. Briar and Ashlynn are wrapping presents at a lightning pace, too busy to talk. The only sounds are the Christmas music playing in the background, the rustling of wrapping paper and tape, and the whir of the coffee machine. They don't usually have coffee this late in the day, but today they need the extra caffeine. They still have at least a couple dozen presents left to wrap, and this evening they're going on their annual Christmas lights drive with Willow and Hunter. Fortunately, Willow has been peacefully napping for a couple hours now, giving them time to finish their wrapping.

The three of them had spent the whole morning and most of the afternoon at Apple’s and Darling’s house. Briar and Ashlynn had spent the time supporting Raven who is having a particularly difficult day, while Willow watched Christmas movies and played with toys. It being Christmas at a time like this hasn't been easy on any of them, but especially Raven. This freed Apple up to be with Darling who also needs support, but is less obvious about it. The sound of Darling crying quietly in the closed bedroom, Apple's words of comfort whispered in the background, as Briar passed their bedroom the other day broke her heart.

She can count on one hand how many times she's seen Darling cry, even when they were kids. Darling has always been the toughest Charming sibling, the one who takes care of her brothers, as well as everybody else in her life. Briar worries about her cracking under all the pressure and the grief over Dexter’s current condition. She wishes she could do more, but she and Ashlynn have both agreed that the best they can do is be there for Raven as much as they can, so Apple can have the time and energy to attend to Darling. After all, Apple is Darling's girlfriend and the only person Darling feels comfortable being vulnerable with.

Sometimes all this pain, the suffocating pain of watching the people Briar loves suffer, becomes too much. If she doesn’t disconnect from the negative, find the positive no matter how small and immerse herself in it, she knows she’ll break. She’ll be the one sobbing in her bedroom, and she can’t have that right now. She’s always been a person who looks on the bright side. If she hadn’t been that way, she would’ve grown up miserable. With such a dismal and terrifying future ahead of her, she could’ve easily led a life of fear and sorrow, but she’d realized early on that there’s no point in dwelling on the negative. It’s been five years since Briar decided not to follow her destiny, but this mentality hasn’t left her. She’s not sure she could function without it.

“Ow!” Ashlynn yelps, startling Briar out of her thoughts.

She quickly turns to Ashlynn, who winces as she sticks her finger in her mouth.

“Paper cut?” Briar asks, frowning sympathetically.

“Yup,” Ashlynn confirms, drawing her finger out of her mouth.

“Do you need a BandAid?” Briar asks. “I can go get one. It’s going to have Elmo on it though.”

Ashlynn giggles. “Thanks, but I’m going to pass up Elmo for now. I'm just going to go run it under some water for a second.”

“I don’t blame you,” says Briar. “That guy is creepy.”

They laugh as Ashlynn goes over to the sink, turning the tap on. Briar continues to wrap her present at a laser fast speed. She wouldn't be surprised if she got a papercut next. Ashlynn comes back over to the table a minute later, continuing her wrapping. Ashlynn's ample sewing experience has made her fine motor skills beyond excellent, wrapping presents at a far faster rate than Briar. Briar tries to increase her pace, but she unfortunately lacks Ashlynn's dexterity.

She smiles as she wraps one of her and Ashlynn's presents for Willow, a Playdough set with a dozen different colors. Willow loves to play with Playdough, and Briar and Ashlynn often join in, both enjoying the satisfying sensation of the Playdough, along with the large grin on Willow’s face. Ashlynn must notice the smile on Briar’s face because she looks over, beaming when she realizes what Briar’s happy about.

“She's going to love that!” Ashlynn exclaims. “And oh my godmother, the dollhouse Hunter is building for her! She's going to be so hexcited!”

Ashlynn clasps her hands to her chest, a wide smile on her face.

“She deserves it,” Briar says, soft endearment in her voice. “She's such a sweet little girl.”

“She is,” Ashlynn agrees, her emerald eyes twinkling.

Briar chuckles. “It's no wonder she is. She's your daughter after all.”

Ashlynn scoffs playfully, waving her hand dismissively. “It's just as much you, Briar. You've always been there for her…and me.”

Briar smiles softly, her cheeks flushing. She looks at Ashlynn, at her beautiful smile, her bright eyes, her rosy cheeks, and as usual her stomach turns to mush.

When Ashlynn steps forward and embraces her, her arms tingle as she reciprocates the hug. She can't help the contented sigh that escapes her as she leans into Ashlynn's warm body. Ashlynn giggles softly, squeezing her tighter. Briar buries her face in the girl's shoulder, gently inhaling her sweet minty scent. A thought enters her mind that has her blushing even deeper. She could stay like this forever, and she wouldn't mind.

XXX Monday December 10, 2007 (2nd grade) 1:27 pm

“Have you guys tried this?!” Briar enthuses, running across the classroom towards Ashlynn and Apple.

The eggnog in her cup sloshes dangerously.

“Briar, be careful!” Apple exclaims as the liquid nearly spills over the side of the cup.

“I am being careful!” Briar insists, as she comes to a stop by her friends.

Ashlynn giggles at the exasperated expression on Apple’s face.

Briar thrusts the cup of eggnog towards Apple. “Try it! It’s so much better than the eggnog at my house!”

“Eww!” Apple exclaims. “I’m not going to share a cup with you! Mommy said that sharing drinks and food with people could make me sick!”

Briar pouts. “No, it won’t!”

Before Apple can reply, Ashlynn steps toward Briar.

“I’ll try it! I barely ever get sick! And the eggnog at my house isn’t very good.”

“I think that’s because it’s dairy-free,” says Briar. “My mommy says your mommy’s vegan food isn’t her favorite.”

As soon as the words are out of her mouth, Briar winces. Was that rude? She probably wasn’t supposed to repeat that. Ashlynn doesn’t seem offended though.

She just shrugs. “I’m used to it.”

Accepting the cup from Briar, she takes a large sip. Briar waits expectantly, hoping that her friend likes it. Ashlynn smiles as she hands the cup back to Briar.

“It’s really good!”

Briar grins. “I knew you’d like it!”

Apple, swayed by Ashlynn’s positive reaction, relents.

“Oh, alright! I’ll try it.”

Briar grins, handing her the glass.

“Thank you,” says Apple, before taking a sip.

The girl’s eyes immediately widen.

“Oh my godmother! That is sooo good!”

The expression on her face sends Briar and Ashlynn into a fit of giggles. They laugh harder as she proceeds to chug down the rest of the glass. Her eyes widen again as she realizes what she just did.

“Oh kingdoms, I’m so sorry! I’ll get you some more!”

As Briar’s laughter finally comes to a stop, she’s quick to reassure Apple. “It’s fine! Let’s all go get some!”

Apple and Ashlynn nod.

The three girls head over to the large table filled with treats: eggnog, hot chocolate, hot apple cider, cookies, fudge, and at least a dozen more delectable holiday treats. “Here Comes Santa Claus” is playing from the stereo that their teacher, Ms. Elderberry, had brought in for the holiday party. Briar bounces along to the rhythm, weaving between the throngs of classmates.

She looks around the beautifully decorated classroom. Garland and lights are strung over the walls. A glowing Christmas tree stands in one corner. The tree is decked with colorful paper ornaments, cut into star shapes, that their class had made. An array of wrapped presents and gift bags are accumulated under the tree.

Their class is doing a Secret Santa gift exchange, and Briar can't wait! She got Ashlynn for Secret Santa. She’s so excited to see the look on Ashlynn's face when she opens her present! Briar knows her friend will be grateful for anything she gets her, but she still feels a twinge of nervousness. She wants her gift to be perfect! Ashlynn is such a nice friend, and Briar wants her to know how much she means to her.

She wonders who her Secret Santa will be. She's been investigating ever since the game was announced, watching everybody closely. Her top suspects are Daring and Sparrow. She would never say this out loud, but those two aren't the best contenders. I mean, they're boys! What are they going to get her? Action figures and toy cars? She wants a girl as her Secret Santa! Still, she'll be polite to whoever she gets. A princess is always polite and considerate, her mother often tells her. And anyway, Briar never wants to make anybody feel bad.

As they reach the table, Briar quickly grabs two glasses, filling them to the brim with eggnog. She hands them to her friends. They thank her, bright smiles on both of their faces. After getting her own glass, she chugs it down. She knows her mom would reprimand her if she was here, but it’s just too good to drink slowly! When she finishes her glass, she notices that Ashlynn and Apple are looking at her, giggling.

“What?!” Briar exclaims.

She can’t help the grin that appears on her face. Giggles are contagious, she’s come to find.

“You have a mustache!” Ashlynn laughs.

“You look like Santa!” Apple jokes.

“I do not!” Briar insists.

But she’s giggling too. She loves making her friends laugh, even if it’s at her expense.

The girls’ laughter dies down as Ms. Elderberry approaches them, holding a camera. Briar quickly grabs a napkin, wiping the eggnog off her face.

“You girls are so cute!” Ms. Elderberry coos. “Let me take a picture!”

“Sure thing!” Briar replies.

Ashlynn and Apple also enthusiastically agree. Briar throws her napkin in the trash can before wrapping one arm around Ashlynn and the other around Apple, pulling her friends close.

“Say cheese!” Mrs. Marionberry exclaims.

The girls smile wide. “Cheeseee!”

XXX Thursday December 21, 2017 (senior year of high school) 11:39 pm

Tears stream down Briar’s face as she lies in her bed, unable to take her eyes off the picture on her phone. It’s her and Faybelle after the school holiday talent show, kissing under a sprig of mistletoe. The light of the Christmas tree in the background casts a soft glow on the couple. Their eyes are closed, completely immersed in the moment as they hold each other close. They were unaware of the picture being taken, only knowing later when Apple sent it to Briar over text saying, “I just had to. You guys are sooo cute!!!” Briar had glowed with pride when she read Apple’s text.

Finally, after two years of watching her friends be in love, first Ashlynn and Hunter, then Raven and Dexter, then Blondie and Cupid, then Apple and Darling (even if they haven’t admitted their feelings yet), Briar has a love of her own. She was never jealous of her friends being in relationships when she wasn’t. Honestly, she’d barely thought about romance at all, much less finding a partner of her own. She’d been so focused on day to day matters like schoolwork, family, friends, parties, and planning school events that romance hadn’t really crossed her mind.

So when she got together with Faybelle this past summer and realized how absolutely magical it is to be in love, she was flabbergasted. To hold Faybelle, to be held by her, to kiss her, to encourage her, to be there for her when she’s sad…it felt so new and so natural at the same time. It felt like the missing puzzle piece of her life had finally been put in place. No destiny, no pain, no losing everybody she loves…just joy and closeness and love. So much love.

But as ready as she was for a relationship, as much as she felt it completed her, the same couldn’t be said for Faybelle. When Faybelle was kind and loving and sensitive to Briar’s needs, everything felt like it had come together, like life was finally perfect. But in an instant Faybelle could switch to mean and callous and dismissive of her needs. Then everything felt like it was falling apart and that life would never be okay again.

One minute Briar had a solid foundation to stand on, and the next minute it was pulled out from under her. She didn’t know what to do other than forgive Faybelle, to remind herself of how amazing their relationship is when it’s going well. Faybelle is a damaged person, and Briar told herself again and again that she can fix her, that Faybelle needs her. So Briar would accept her apologies, listen closely as she gradually opened up to her about her struggles, hold her and tell her that she’s here for her. Briar did all this and more until she just couldn’t anymore, when it all became too much and she had to remember that she matters too. She fortunately had somebody there to remind her of this. Ashlynn had held her, encouraged her, told her that she deserves better. And Briar is still trying to believe her.

At the thought of Ashlynn, a sudden wave of strength surges through her and she deletes the picture. A sob escapes her throat as a tangle of emotions in her chest unknots. She can’t even begin to decode what they all are. She’s not sure if it’s grief, shock, relief, or all of these and more. She just knows they’re feelings and that they’re strong. She muffles her sobs into her pillow, not wanting to wake anybody. For a castle so big, her family’s bedrooms are awfully close together.

By the time her sobs quiet and only hiccups and sniffles remain, she has a throbbing headache and her nose is so stuffed up she can barely breathe from it. She can’t find the strength to get up though, so she just lies there, trying to get her breathing under control. A few minutes pass and she still can’t will herself to get out of bed no matter how badly she needs painkillers and tissues. Sighing heavily, she rolls onto her back and picks her phone up. She finds herself opening her camera roll again, but instead of clicking on her Faybelle photo album (she has a separate photo album for each of her friends), she quickly clicks on her Ashlynn photo album.

The most recent photo comes up. It’s her, Ashlynn, and Apple at their second grade Christmas party. Ashlynn had texted the picture to her earlier today when she found it in one of her mother’s scrapbooks. The sheer joy on their faces nearly overwhelms Briar with emotion again. They were so little and innocent, free of worry and regret. Free of all the emotional damage that an entire decade of incredible highs and devastating lows brings. Briar can barely remember what it’s like to feel that much peace and contentment.

“Listen to myself,” Briar mutters. She scoffs. “Ever the optimist, aren’t I?”

Scrolling down the photo album, she finds a more recent photo. It’s of her and Ashlynn last week on this winter’s first snowfall. Their arms are wrapped around each other, bright smiles on their faces, as the snowflakes drift past them. Their classmates are in the background, ice-skating, sledding, building snowmen, and an array of other snow activities. Daring, Sparrow, and Alistair are having a snowball fight in the background.

Just after the picture was taken, a snowball had hit Ashlynn in the back. After the initial shock, Ashlynn had laughed, reassuring Briar and the boys (Sparrow hadn’t seemed all too concerned despite being the one who hit her) that it didn’t hurt. Even though Briar could tell Ashlynn wasn’t lying and that she was fine, a rush of anger had still surged through her. She had the sudden urge to tell Sparrow off, to insist that he be more careful, but she forced herself to keep her mouth shut, not wanting to put a damper on the fun day they were having.

So instead, she took Ashlynn by the hand and leaned in, whispering, “Should we take them?”

Ashlynn giggled and nodded, her eyes bright with mirth. With one look at each other, they silently concocted a plan. They walked away and the boys immediately went back to their snowball fight. The girls took a couple minutes to make a sizable collection of snowballs. Then, their arms full of the glistening balls of snow, they snuck towards the boys.

Briar turned to Ashlynn and mouthed, “One, two, three. Go!”

It was probably a little unnecessary to do so, but acting in such a conspiratorial manner was fun. In unison, they began to throw their snowballs, one after the other. The boys, yelling in shock, quickly joined the fight.

But even with the boys having an extra person on their team, the girls threw significantly more snowballs, hitting the mark nearly every time. The secret was teamwork. They didn’t even have to look at each other to seamlessly operate the mission. Ashlynn would make snowballs and Briar would throw, then they’d switch jobs. Ashlynn, being the more dexterous of the two, mostly made the snowballs. Briar, having slightly better aim, threw most of them.

Still, they could sense when the other was growing tired and would switch roles without the slightest glance. Seeing the boys’ chaotic fumbling, Briar was struck by just how well she and Ashlynn can read each other. It’s downright impressive. And as her gaze traveled to Ashlynn and she saw the girl, looking equal parts fierce warrior and beautiful princess as she hurled snowball after snowball at the boys, she couldn't look away. The determined expression on her face, the contrast of her rosy cheeks with her flowing strawberry blonde locks, her agile movements, like a lioness on the hunt…Briar was taking in every single beautiful detail.

When a snowball hit her square in the face, she was snapped back to the present. Shaking her head, she quickly joined in on the fight again. Ashlynn was so occupied with the mission at hand, she hadn’t even noticed Briar zoning out. Briar wasn’t quite sure why she’d zoned out either. And she didn’t particularly want to think about the reason for those thoughts either. Some thoughts are just that: thoughts. Nothing to ruminate over. What do thoughts matter? Life is so much more interesting.

So, lying in her bed, cocooned in blankets, she thinks about life, realizing that she needs to focus on all the good things and shake off the bad things. She’s always been a person who looks on the bright side, after all.

XXX Friday December 14, 2007 (2nd grade) 10:07 am

Briar knows that Ashlynn will be extremely grateful for any gift she gives her, but butterflies are still flapping in her stomach as she hands the present, wrapped in sparkling emerald, to the girl.

“Careful, it’s heavy,” she warns her.

The Secret Santa gift exchange has gone fairly smoothly so far, other than Daring throwing a fit over Darling getting a pack of Power Rangers from Sparrow.

“But that’s a boys’ toy!” he’d exclaimed, stomping his foot angrily. “And I only got Legos!”

“Daring, be nice,” Mrs. Elderberry had chided. “Those Legos from Rosabella are lovely.”

Rosabella had scowled at him from across the class circle. Darling only looked slightly annoyed, just ignoring her tantruming brother. Briar figured this is probably a pretty common occurrence. She, Ashlynn, and Apple looked at each other, rolling their eyes at Daring’s bratty antics. Of course Ashlynn would never react this way, so Briar doesn’t know why she’s so nervous. She loves to give gifts and she’s really good at it too (at least that’s what her friends and mother have told her), but this gift feels extra special for some reason.

Setting it on the floor, Ashlynn quickly sits, immediately beginning to unwrap it. Briar sits across from her. She can see the eagerness in her friend’s eyes, but there’s still a certain cautiousness to how Ashlynn tears off the wrapping paper, unlike most of their classmates.

When the mahogany chest is revealed, Ashlynn’s eyes grow even brighter. Briar’s heart pounds. Ashlynn hurries to unclasp the bronze lock on the chest and gently opens the lid. She gasps, her eyes widening. She carefully brings out one of the little white rose-patterned teacups. She turns to Briar, a glowing smile on her face. Briar’s heart races not with anxiety now, but with joy. Ashlynn loves it! Briar can tell.

“These are so pretty, Briar!” she exclaims. “Thank you so so much!”

Briar’s cheeks are beginning to ache from how widely she’s smiling. “You’re welcome! Now our tea parties will be even better!”

Ashlynn grins back at her. “Totally! This is so much nicer than the tea set I have!”

Gently placing the teacup back into the box, she carefully closes the lid. She reaches over, pulling Briar into a tight embrace. Briar soaks up all the bliss of the moment--the relief of Ashlynn loving the gift, the happiness of bringing joy to her best friend, the excitement as she thinks of all the tea parties they’ll have in the spring. Everything is perfect, and there are so many perfect days yet to come. Briar can’t wait to experience every single one of them.

XXX Sunday December 23, 2018 9:09 pm

Briar yawns heavily as she sets the package on the kitchen table.

“Thank the kingdoms it’s here,” she mutters, sighing with relief.

Of all the years for Ashlynn’s Christmas present to not arrive on time, this would be the worst one. Unable to pry the package open with her hands, she grabs a pair of scissors.

Just when she’s about to cut it open, a shrill cry pierces the air.

“Shit,” she grumbles, setting the scissors down. “Not again.”

The wails continue, growing louder by the second. Briar hurries into the living room. As she approaches Willow’s bassinet, she’s greeted with the all too familiar sight of a fussy baby, face beet red, cheeks slick with tears, feet kicking frantically. No matter how many times Willow has woken up in hysterics that day, no matter how exhausted and irritable Briar is, her heart breaks at the sight every time.

From the moment she first laid eyes on this baby girl almost four months ago, she’s known with a passionate certainty that she’ll never let harm befall her, that she’ll always be there to hold her close and wipe away her tears, that she’ll do absolutely anything for her.

So with all the love she has for this beautiful girl brimming in her chest, Briar lifts her into her arms. She cradles her head against her shoulder, slowly swaying side to side.

“Shhh,” she soothes. “It’s okay. Shhh.”

She gently presses her lips to Willow’s soft, fuzzy head, breathing in the beautiful scent that only a baby possesses.

“It’s okay, love,” she whispers. “Auntie Briar is here. You can go back to sleep. You’re safe. Shhh.”

It feels like an eternity before Willow finally falls back asleep. This should be Briar’s cue to go back to doing what needs to be done, but now she can’t take her eyes off Willow. The baby’s face is relaxed. Tears still glisten on her cheeks and the occasional hiccup still racks her frame. She’s not even four months old yet, but it’s already obvious how much she looks like Ashlynn. The lights on the Christmas tree (Briar had finally gotten around to putting them on yesterday) cast a soft glow on her face, making her nearly identical features even more clear. Her hair, which she was born with an ample amount of, is the exact shade of strawberry blonde, and she has the same emerald eyes. And it’s not just her physical features. She possesses a similar energy to her mother, a softness and tranquility that immediately puts Briar at ease. She can already tell Willow is going to be an amazing girl.

Briar decides to transfer Willow to the crib in her bedroom, as she’s planning on going to bed herself soon. After gently setting her down in the crib, she puts the Owlet Dream Sock on her. It monitors her vitals while she sleeps, sending out an alert if anything is wrong. The prospect of SIDS utterly terrifies Briar, so she’d purchased the sock before Willow was born. She doesn’t want to take any chances with Willow’s safety. Ever since Willow arrived, Briar has felt like her heart is living outside her chest. It’s in her nature to be protective of her loved ones, but with Willow…it’s a whole other level.

This constant anxiety, on top of having to care for Ashlynn and Willow 24/7 and balance her classes (she actually had to drop a couple)…it’s been nothing short of utter chaos. Their friends have been a big help. Apple, Darling, Raven, Maddie, Blondie, Cupid, Holly, and Poppy in particular have been an amazing support system. There’s rarely been a day where at least one of them hasn’t been over helping out. Hunter, who’s been staying with Daring and Rosabella at their house, also takes Willow half of the week. This is the only time Briar is able to get any schoolwork done.

But even when Willow is gone, there’s Ashlynn and her raging postpartum depression to deal with. The postpartum depression that sent Hunter away. That has made it difficult for Ashlynn to bond with Willow. That, as much as Briar hates to admit, has created a rift in her own relationship with Ashlynn. Ashlynn being a sweet and caring presence has been a constant in Briar’s life for as long as she can remember. They’ve rarely ever argued, and if they did, it was never serious and quickly blew over. So when Ashlynn, six months into her pregnancy, turned into a temperamental ticking time bomb, ready to blow up at random, it threw Briar and everybody else in Ashlynn’s life for a loop. At first, Briar couldn't handle it. When Ashlynn lashed out at her, she’d go cry in the bathroom and sometimes wouldn’t talk to her for the rest of the day, no matter how many times the girl pleaded for her forgiveness, sobbing that she had no idea what came over her. But after a few weeks, Briar toughened up, only breaking down over Ashlynn’s harsh words occasionally.

Ashlynn’s temper has only worsened since Willow’s birth, and Briar never reacts now. She just leaves the room. Sometimes she’ll go out for a couple hours, taking Willow to the park. She’ll bring a blanket and place it on the grass, setting Willow down on her back and handing her toys. Willow plays with her rattle the most (it can occupy her for up to an hour, that’s how much she adores it). She also enjoys the animal toys that play music when she shakes them. Briar will bring out her laptop, getting some schoolwork done. When Willow tires of playing, she’ll put the baby on her lap and read to her. Willow loves books. She coos and giggles with delight. It’s moments like these that give Briar the joy she needs to keep her head up. She’ll keep going no matter what because she loves Willow and she loves Ashlynn. But seeing Willow smile and enjoy life…that’s what keeps Briar smiling and enjoying life too, even if it’s just for that hour or two she spends at the park.

XXX

As Briar leaves Willow’s room, she decides to go check on Ashlynn. She wonders if the girl is asleep. It’s probably best if she is, considering how bad her mood was today, but at the same time Briar is lonely. She hasn’t had a conversation with anybody all day. Maybe Ashlynn will be awake and maybe she’ll even want to chat with Briar. She is in a good mood occasionally after all. Briar savors these times as much as she can before she inevitably says something totally inoffensive that will set Ashlynn off again.

As she walks further down the hall toward the master bedroom, she begins to hear the sounds of whimpering and sniffling coming from the room. She groans. Not again. Every instinct within her screams at her to rush to her friend’s side, to hold her close, but she’s just so tired. So utterly exhausted. With a heavy heart, she decides that she can’t deal with this right now.

As she turns around, deciding to go back to the kitchen and finish wrapping Ashlynn’s gift, Ashlynn says something that has her quickly turning back around.

“I shouldn’t have told him. What was I thinking? I ruined everything.”

The girl’s voice is brittle, raw with pain and regret. Briar’s eyes fill with tears at the sound. Curiosity quickly overpowers the sadness though. What in the world is she talking about? Briar racks her mind, trying to locate any information she has that could indicate what Ashlynn told Hunter. What made him leave.

Now she knows it wasn’t just the vile things Ashlynn said to him that sent him out that door. There’s something else. Something big. Briar has three options. She can push her burning curiosity aside and simply comfort her friend, she can question her (this one is risky, as Ashlynn will most likely both not tell her and get angry at her for invading her privacy), or she can just go back to the kitchen. After standing there deliberating for a minute, she goes with the last option. It’s the safest one. The cowardly one, but the safest all the same.

XXX Present Time (Wednesday December 23, 2020) 7:03 pm

“Well, you took your sweet time!” Briar exclaims, as Hunter gets into the car, sitting down in the backseat next to Willow.

Hunter scoffs, but his eyes are bright with humor, knowing Briar isn't serious.

“Three minutes late, Briar! Three minutes!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aren't I supposed to be the one who takes half an hour to do my hair?! You've got barely anything to work with there!”

Hunter gasps in mock offense. “I'll have you know that hair gel isn't the easiest thing to work with!”

Briar snorts. “Oh, you're such a prince! Don't go all Daring on us!”

That gets Hunter and Ashlynn laughing along with her.

“How dare you insult my best friend!” Hunter playfully reprimands. "I’m going to call him right now and tell him about your betrayal!”

“Go ahead! I’ll insult that new cologne of his while I’m at it! My eyes still watered for hours after he left! I swear to God, I looked like I’d been crying my eyes out the next day. They were so red and puffy! And I had to go to work! Everybody kept asking if I was okay, and I doubt they believed me when I told them it's just allergies! Ugh, it was so embarrassing!

“Yeah, that stuff was pretty bad,” Hunter admits. “I didn’t think I was ever going to stop sneezing.”

“Same here! I think the only person it didn’t affect was Ashlynn.”

Ashlynn shrugs. “What can I say? I just don’t get allergies. Guess I’m just special.”

“Well, I won’t deny that,” Briar replies, giving Ashlynn an exaggerated wink.

Ashlynn rolls her eyes jokingly. “Alrighttt, that’s enough. Let’s get going. If I don’t put my foot down, Starbucks is going to be closed by the time you two shut up.”

“Rude!” Briar and Hunter exclaim in unison.

“Jinx!” they quickly add.

They burst into laughter.

“I swear to God, it’s like having three toddlers rather than one,” Ashlynn says, shaking her head.

She only lasts a few seconds before joining in on the laughter though.

“Daddy!” Willow exclaims, as their laughter fades.

Briar’s eyes widen. “Oh jeez, I’m sorry Willow! You haven’t even gotten to say ‘hi’ to Daddy yet! Auntie Briar will shut up now.”

“See what you’ve done?!” Hunter jokingly exclaims, before embracing Willow.

Being buckled into her carseat, she can only lean forward a bit, so Hunter scoots as close as he can. He kisses her on the head before pulling away and buckling his own seatbelt.

“Okay, finally we’re off!” Ashlynn exclaims.

Briar scoffs humorously. “Girl, it’s only 7:06! It’s been three minutes!”

“Mama needs her hot chocolate!” Ashlynn declares.

“Hot chocwit pwease!” Willow chimes in.

“Awww!” all three adults coo, laughing with endearment.

“Of course we’ll get you some, baby!” Hunter exclaims.

“Yayyy!” Willow cheers, clapping her hands.

Briar increases the music volume as they turn out of the neighborhood. The cheerful melody of “Jingle Bell Rock” fills the car. Willow begins to sing along. Her getting all the lyrics wrong only makes it even cuter. The rest of them join in, singing with gusto.

By the time the song ends, they’re at Starbucks. On a normal day they’d go through the drive-thru, but it’s their Christmas Lights Drive tradition to go in and take a picture together with their hot chocolates in their matching festive Christmas pajamas. This year the pajama shirt features a large reindeer face with a red nose that actually glows. The pajama pants are patterned with small reindeer. When Briar was younger, she would’ve been embarrassed being seen in public in her pajamas, especially considering that the vast majority of people know who she is, but nowadays she worries a lot less about what people think of her.

Willow changed her in many ways, and a big difference is that she takes life less seriously now. She always thought her approach to life was relaxed. Everybody has always called her chill and laid-back, but in the last couple years, Briar has come to realize that she really never was. She constantly felt eyes on her, like her every move was being scrutinized, even in situations where nobody was paying her any mind. Even if she didn’t act like it, she wanted people, friends and strangers alike, to admire her. To think she was worthy of being the next Sleeping Beauty. And also to admire her personality, to see her for her kindness and charm and fun-loving personality, not just for her looks and status.

But now, that constant worry in her gut has faded. She knows she’s kind, charming, and fun-loving, and that’s what matters. If people don’t see it, that’s on them. All she needs to do is be the best person she can be and enjoy her life. And as she poses for a picture with Ashlynn, Hunter, and Willow, her wide smile completely genuine, not the rehearsed one she used to do when she was in public, she knows with a full certainty that she is enjoying her life.

XXX Tuesday December 25, 2018 7:41 pm

Briar winces as she steps out of Willow’s bedroom and hears the all too familiar sound of yelling. Ashlynn and Hunter are still at it. She quickly shuts Willow’s door, praying that the calamity doesn’t wake her up. It already took long enough to soothe her to sleep. She wants at least a few more hours before she has to do it all over again when Willow wakes up for her feeding.

“Just get out!” Ashlynn shrieks. “You’ve already ruined Willow’s first Christmas! There’s honestly nothing else here for you to screw up at this point!”

Briar gasps. Ashlynn is really going for the jugular right now. In reality, it was Ashlynn who had ruined this Christmas Day. She’s the one who initiated the drama. It had all started when she’d thrown a hissy fit over Hunter accidentally breaking one of their mugs.

“That’s the mug I got Briar for her birthday last year!” Ashlynn had exclaimed. “Ughhh! You’re so clumsy!”

“I said I was sorry and I cleaned it up!” Hunter had exclaimed. “And I also said I’ll reimburse you! So can you just shut up now?!”

Before Ashlynn could respond, Briar had quickly tried to smooth things over, aware of the eyes of their friends being on the three of them.

“No no no, it’s fine! Don’t worry about it, Hunter! It was an accident! Please guys, let’s just not do this right now! Everybody’s over! Let’s just take some deep breaths, and we can keep playing “The Game of Things,” alright?”

Ashlynn and Hunter had relented, begrudgingly going back to playing the game. It hadn’t taken long for Briar to realize though that Ashlynn’s answers to the game questions were now direct digs at Hunter. Hunter had caught on a few minutes later and began to reciprocate. Briar had bit her tongue, knowing that bringing up the obvious would only make things worse. This went on for about 20 minutes before Hunter finally snapped. Another argument had broken out about both related and unrelated things, and everything had kept going downhill from there. Their friends had left soon after dinner, as it became obvious that was the best course of action.

It’s been an hour since, and Ashlynn and Hunter are still yelling up a storm in the bedroom. Briar honestly doesn’t know how their voices haven’t completely given out at this point. She can’t even imagine arguing with somebody for this long. Just listening to them is exhausting her. She knows it’s technically wrong to eavesdrop, but with the amount of time she spends stuck in the house with these two fighting nowadays, it’s become virtually impossible not to. Plus, it’s nothing she won’t hear later on when Ashlynn rants to her. So, she continues to listen, leaning against the wall.

“I ruined her Christmas?!” Hunter exclaims. “You were the one who wouldn’t stop bitching all day! I didn’t do shit! Seriously, ask anybody who was over today, and they’ll agree with me!”

Ashlynn scoffs. “Most of them are my best friends, not yours! They’d never take your side over mine! Especially not since you walked out on me and Willow!”

Briar’s stomach drops. She claps her hand over her mouth, eyes wide with shock. No shortage of awful things have come out of Ashlynn’s mouth in the recent months, but this…this is completely crossing the line. Briar doesn’t know how much longer she can go without putting Ashlynn in her place.

It’s dead silent in the house now. Briar doesn’t dare move from her spot by Willow’s bedroom door. It’s probably only a moment of quiet, but it feels much longer. Briar is so antsy, she feels like she’s going to crawl out of her skin, when Hunter finally answers. His voice is more serious than Briar has ever heard it.

“You better watch out, or soon everybody you love is going to walk out on you.”

His voice breaks at the end of the sentence and he quickly walks away, his footsteps thundering down the hall. Briar’s eyes widen, both from the shock of what just transpired and from the realization that Hunter is about to pass by her. Willow’s bedroom is right past the front hall. She looks around frantically, but there’s no time to flee. It’s only a couple seconds before Hunter is passing by her on his way to the door.

He comes to a stop as he notices her. He slowly turns his head to look at her, his reluctance clear. Her heart pounds, anxiety prickling her insides. She’s never been alone with Hunter after he and Ashlynn argue. All she can do is stare as their eyes meet. A deep sadness washes over her, intermingling with the stress, as she sees the expression of utter weariness and grief on his face. The pain that she feels on the daily for Ashlynn is now felt for him, as she sees the tears gathering in his eyes.

She barely feels herself move, but suddenly she’s in front of him. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but all that comes out is a choked sob. Briar wraps her arms around him. It's an instinctual response for her to a person in pain. She’s only ever given him short greeting and goodbye hugs before. In all honesty, they’ve never been very close. Just casual friends. So she’s not sure how he’s going to react. She’s actually expecting him to pull away. Her eyes widen as he does the exact opposite. He returns the embrace, clinging tightly to her, burying his face in her shoulder.

“Briar.” He can barely get the words out through his sobs. “I don’t know what to do. Please help me. Please.”

Her eyes burn with tears. She feels his pain like it’s soaking from his body into hers. It’s visceral, threatening to overcome her. But she can’t let it. She has to be strong for him, just like she’s been strong for Ashlynn and Willow. So she takes a deep, shaky breath, and handles the situation the way she always has to handle situations nowadays: correctly.

“Hey,” she murmurs, as she tightens her hold on him. “It’s going to be okay, Hunter. I’m here for you. We’re going to figure this out together. Okay? Everything is going to be alright. I promise.”

Her sleeve is wet from his tears now. He’s growing heavy in her arms, putting more and more weight on her as his sobs grow more intense. She braces herself against the wall.

“Shhh…it’s okay, Hunter. It’s okay.”

She gently rubs his shuddering back, whispering reassurances into his hair. They stay like that for a long time.

By the time he finally calms down, Briar has lost track of time.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, as he pulls away. He wipes his eyes with his sleeve. “Thank you…for being there for me.”

“Don't apologize,” Briar murmurs. “I meant what I said. I’m here for both of you, okay? I know we don't hang out that much, but you're my friend.”

He sniffs, giving her a small smile. “That means a lot, Briar. Thank you.”

"Of course, Hunter."

They stand in awkward silence for a moment before he clears his throat. “I should get going. Thanks again.”

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” Briar asks, brow creased with concern. “How about I drive you home?”

Hunter shakes his head, giving her another small, dejected smile. “Nah, that’s alright. I’m calm now.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Thank you though. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Alright. Call me anytime if you need to talk, alright?”

“I will. Have a good night, Briar. Merry Christmas.”

“You too, Hunter. Merry Christmas.”

XXX Present Time (Wednesday December 23, 2020) 9:41 pm

Briar smiles to herself as she walks out of Willow’s bedroom. Tonight was amazing. The lights were beautiful, the hot chocolate was incredible, and the company was even better. She walks toward the living room, ready to drink a glass of wine with Ashlynn and Hunter. She can hear the faint sound of Christmas music playing softly in the living room.

She comes to a sudden stop. Ashlynn is talking, but the tone of her voice is serious. Are they arguing? Briar's brow wrinkles in confusion. Ashlynn and Hunter very rarely argue nowadays, and they were all so happy just a few minutes ago. It's also very unlikely for them to do so with Willow in the house, even if she's asleep. They’d made a decision a long time ago to only argue when Willow’s not around. Briar racks her brain, desperately trying to think of what could've possibly caused this dispute.

Then she hears a sob. Her stomach drops when she realizes Hunter is crying. What in the world is going on? Did something bad happen? She walks further down the hall, determined to go lend her support to her friend, but stops when Ashlynn begins to talk again.

“Look at me, Hunter. I need you to look at me. It is not your fault.” Her voice is stern, but filled with love and care. “You had no way of knowing that Dexter’s dragon was going to crash. I know your mind is tricking you and telling you so many awful things. Believe me, I understand. But you've got to talk back and tell it no. Tell it ‘No, Dexter's accident is not my fault. I had no way of knowing something bad was going to happen. I'm an incredible friend and an incredible person.’”

Briar’s eyes fill with tears as everything sinks in. Hunter still blames himself for what happened to Dexter. Of course he does. This is Hunter. Sweet, sensitive, compassionate Hunter, who blames himself for everything that goes wrong. She is suddenly overwhelmed with shame. Why hasn’t his emotional state even crossed her mind? Why hasn’t she thought to check in on him, to make sure he’s doing okay? Even if he didn’t blame himself for Dexter’s accident, Dexter is one of his best friends. How could she be so thoughtless? The tears in her eyes spill over, rolling down her cheeks, as Hunter’s sobs grow heavier.

“Shhh,” Ashlynn soothes. “It's okay, honey. It's okay. You can cry. Just let it out. I'm right here.”

Hunter cries harder and harder as the moments pass. Briar stands frozen in the hallway. Witnessing Hunter break like this is scary. She hasn’t seen him this distraught since…it must’ve been that night two years ago when he and Ashlynn had that nasty argument. And just like that night, she feels utterly helpless in the face of his pain. But this time Ashlynn is here to help. She's not the cause of his pain, but the one to hold him through it.

So for now Briar just listens to his heavy sobs, Ashlynn’s murmured words of comfort, the gentle music. This is a vulnerable moment, and Briar doesn’t want to ruin it. She’ll make him tea and contribute her support once he calms down. But for now she just leans against the wall and listens to her friends. The one who’s shattering and the one who’s picking up the pieces. Both of them mean the world to her. She’ll do whatever she has to do to keep them afloat. To keep every single person she loves afloat. That’s always what she’s done and she’s never going to stop, no matter how difficult it gets. After all, she’s the type of person who always looks on the bright side.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 30: I Wish I Were Heather)

Friday January 18, 2018 (senior year of high school) 11:17 pm

"Look, Darling! Look! It's starting!"

Holly squeals with excitement as the first meteor streaks across the navy night sky. Out here in the Enchanted Forest, away from the lights of Bookend, she and Darling have a perfect view of the meteor shower. The two girls are sitting up high on the branch of an oak tree. Holly isn't a fan of heights, but she knows that Darling would catch her if she fell. It is a Charming magical power to catch falling damsels. And she trusts Darling, magical ability or not.

"Wow," Darling breathes, as another one lights up the sky. "It's even more beautiful than I imagined."

Holly can't see the girl's face, but she can imagine her smile, bright like the shooting stars soaring past them. They're sitting so close, Holly can feel the warmth emanating from Darling's body. The cold night is getting to her, shivers beginning to rack her frame, but she doesn't dare scoot closer to the girl. Even if everything inside her pushes her in Darling's direction.

"Woah, that was a big one!" Darling exclaims.

Holly is pulled back into the present as her friend speaks. She shoves every thought of the girl, of how close they're sitting to each other, how she wants to be even closer, to the back of her mind.

Focusing back on the sky, Holly is again entranced as meteor after meteor sails through the sky. The girls sit in a comfortable silence, watching the beautiful display. In this moment, Holly feels entirely at peace, the beauty of the shower and Darling's steady presence lulling her into a blissful state of calm.

As the meteor shower slows to a stop, the soothing sense of serenity remains draped over her like a quilt. She is not a relaxed person by nature, but sitting here with her friend, all the half-baked ideas and repetitive worries that usually swarm through her mind, are washed away for the moment.

That is, until Darling's warm hand is suddenly in hers. Her face grows hot as the girl's fingers intertwine with hers. She stares, wide-eyed, at their linked hands, just able to make out the outlines of their fingers through the darkness. She's frozen in place, but the heat that ignites within her is overwhelming, coursing through every part of her body in mere seconds. Darling scoots closer to her, and Holly's breath catches in her throat. Could it be…

"Kingdoms, Holly! You're freezing!"

Holly deflates, like a balloon losing helium, sinking back to the ground. Her heart pounds in her ears. The elation in her chest is replaced by a dull ache. Did she really think something was going to happen between her and her friend? Is she really that stupid? She wants to scream in frustration. But Darling is there next to her, sweet and concerned for her well-being, so she manages to let out a half-hearted laugh.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm fine."

She's not too convincing though with her teeth chattering. Darling lets go of her hand, and Holly feels colder if that's even possible.

"I'm so sorry I didn't notice sooner," Darling apologizes, sounding genuinely remorseful, even though she has no reason to be. "I just now heard your teeth chattering, and kingdoms! Your hands are way colder than I thought they'd be!"

Holly takes a moment to answer, thoughts still muddled from the intensity of the prior moment.

Finally, she finds her voice again. "Don't be sorry, Darling! It's not your fault! And I'm fine!"

Darling sighs softly. "I suppose you're right, but we should get going."

Hopping down onto a lower branch, she reaches out to help Holly down. But a thought pops into Holly's head, and she grins mischievously (good thing Darling can't see her expression).

"I wanna try to get down by myself," she says, trying to sound convincing. She's always been a terrible liar.

Darling looks at her for a few seconds before shrugging. "Okay. Why not?"

The girl swings onto the next branch like a monkey. Holly slowly rises to her feet, gripping the branch above her for support. Darling leaps from branch to branch before landing in a crouched position, imitating a superhero pose. The snow crunches under the impact.

Holly giggles, shaking her head.

"You're such a show-off!" she laughs.

Darling scoffs, pretending to be offended. "Well, it's not my fault that I'm practically a superhero!"

Holly chuckles. "Yeah yeah yeah."

Before Darling can come up with another retort, Holly puts her evil plan into action. Pushing down the fear that surges through her chest, she takes a deep breath and jumps. Darling shrieks. Holly is only sailing through the air for a second (they weren't that high up after all) before a pair of strong, warm arms catch her. The adrenaline still bursts through her, making her heart pound and her body shake. But she's far from upset, bursting into laughter.

Her hysteria only heightens as Darling screeches, "What the hell, Holly?!"

Holly is laughing too hard to answer. Darling huffs, setting Holly down. Holly's legs feel like jelly, the adrenaline still lingering, and her intense laughter doesn't help with her balance. But she manages to remain standing. Darling pretends to be annoyed for another moment before a giggle escapes her.

"Oh, you!" She gives Holly a playful slap on the arm.

"Well, that warmed me up!" Holly exclaims, finally calm enough to speak.

It's too dark to confirm, but Holly just knows that Darling rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure it did," Darling replies, barely concealed humor in her voice. "But still, take this."

Holly gawks as the girl takes off her jacket and hands it to Holly.

"No!" Holly immediately protests, shoving the jacket away. "I already have a jacket! And then you wouldn't have a jacket at all! It's winter! There's literally snow everywhere!"

"But it's not snowing!" Darling refutes.

Holly rolls her eyes. It just so happens that both of them are incredibly stubborn.

"Plus," Darling continues, "I don't get cold easily, and I actually love winter weather! I'm only wearing a jacket in the first place because Rosabella made me and then I forgot to take it off!"

"I told you, I'm fine!" Holly insists.

The adrenaline from her leap of faith is fading though, and she can't help the shivering that once again overcomes her. There's a moment of silence, both girls waiting to see who will make the next move.

Darling ends up taking the lead. "Well, I'm just going to leave my jacket here then."

Holly scoffs. "No you will not!"

"Oh I most certainly will, and you can't stop me!"

Darling holds the jacket up, like she's aiming to throw, and Holly finally caves. Man, Darling is good.

"Okay, okay, okay! Just don't drop it!"

Holly can picture the triumphant grin on Darling's face as the girl hands her the jacket.

"Thank you," Holly says.

She sounds grudgeful, and she is concerned about Darling being in such cold weather without a jacket, but she truly is touched. She's never had a friend be this sweet to her, this considerate, this protective.

Reluctantly, she puts the jacket on, sighing in relief as the extra heat envelops her.

"Feel better?" Darling asks, a playful lilt in her voice.

Holly scoffs jokingly. "Well, you don't have to sound so proud of yourself!"

Darling laughs. "I am though!"

"Oh you!" Holly exclaims, giving Darling's arm a playful slap.

"Copycat," Darling quips, immediately recognizing Holly as mimicking her from earlier.

Holly giggles.

Darling chuckles. "Okay, let's continue this adventure!"

Walking over to the base of the tree they'd watched the meteor shower on, Darling grabs her backpack, slinging it over her shoulder. Picking up the lantern she'd left beside it, she flicks the switch on. Holly starts at the sudden light. She blinks, her eyes taking a second to adjust.

Darling giggles. "Too bright?"

Holly tries to think of a witty retort, but her mind goes blank as she looks at her friend. In the darkness of the surrounding forest, the glow of the lantern highlights Darling's features, making them even more striking than usual. Her baby blue eyes, her perfect platinum blonde curls, her pink lips…they look so soft. Her eyes widen as she realizes the implications of that last thought. No, she silently berates herself. That is not okay to think about! Stop!

"You okay?"

Darling's soft voice pulls her from her self-deprecating thoughts. Holly quickly composes herself, trying her best to sound nonchalant as she replies.

"Yeah, I'm fine! Just…the light is bright, is all."

Her inner monologue begins to taunt her again. Great job, Holly. That was the opposite of nonchalant! Darling's brow is creased with concern and the only way to drown out noise is to be louder, so Holly smiles through her anxiety and continues speaking.

"I've just got sensitive eyes. It's no biggie."

She laughs nervously, hoping that Darling buys it. The girl looks at her for another second before a soft smile replaces her worried expression.

"Sorry I didn't warn you," Darling says. "I'll keep that in mind next time."

Holly, grateful as always for Darling's kindness, smiles genuinely this time.

"It's no problem. Now that you've got all your adventure gear, should we continue on our noble quest?"

The extra coat has warmed her up, her playful demeanor has returned, and she's ready to forge on.  The girls chat casually as they walk through the thin layer of snow back to the school. Darling asks Holly about how her fanfiction is going, and Holly fills her in. Then Holly asks Darling about how teaching Dexter sword fighting (he wants to impress Raven) is going. It's going about as well as Holly thought it would. Dexter is sweet and intelligent, but physical activities just aren't his thing.

Holly is so caught up in their conversation that it takes her a moment to realize that she and Darling have reached the school. As usual, the girls take their secret entrance back into the building. They pull open a metal hatch low to the ground, crawl through the small passageway, and end up in a cabinet in the kitchen. Everybody in the school is in their rooms now (the cooks included), but Holly and Darling are still as quiet as possible as they slowly open the cabinet door. Holly's heart is pounding, like it always is when they do this. Breaking the rules has never been her thing. But to be with Darling, it's worth it. They survey the room.

"Coast is clear," Darling whispers.

Holly giggles as they slip out of the cabinet, Darling gently shutting it. When Darling turns and looks at her, the girl snorts. She presses her hand to her mouth, muffling her laughter. Even if nobody is here, they still need to keep the noise to a minimum.

"What?!" Holly insists, her voice just above a whisper.

As Darling's laughter fades, she grins at Holly.

"You've just got a little something there." She points to Holly's head.

Holly raises her eyebrows, clueless as to what her friend means.

In the blink of an eye, Darling is in front of her, blue eyes bright with humor. She reaches her hand out slowly.

"May I?"

Her voice is so soft. It sends chills racing down Holly's spine. But heat is pooling in her stomach, spreading through her. She finds the strength to nod from somewhere.

Grinning, Darling plucks something from the top of Holly's head. It occurs to Holly that it could be a bug, but she's too focused on the light brush of Darling's fingers through her hair to think too much of it. Her spine tingles, goosebumps rising on her arms.

As Darling draws her hand away, she laughs lightly, holding up the object for Holly to see. It's a sprig from a pine tree, lightly dusted with snow.

"It must've fallen on your head from one of those pine trees," says Darling, handing Holly the sprig.

Holly giggles. "Thanks."

Darling smiles. "No problem! I personally think you should put it back in your hair. It's a good look for you."

Holly snorts, cheeks flushing at the undignified sound. But Darling doesn't care, laughing along with her.

"Why, thank you!" Holly claps her hand to her chest dramatically.

Darling copies her dramatic demeanor. "Anything for you, fair maiden!"

As both girls burst into laughter again, Holly realizes they probably shouldn't be so loud when they're sneaking around. But being here with Darling, just being herself around somebody that she trusts…she doesn't want it to end.

They return to their dorms a few minutes later. Darling walks her to her door, chivalrous as ever. Holly returns the girl's jacket to her. Then they hug goodbye, and Holly might hold on a little too long.

As she creeps toward her bed, she stops at her nightstand. Slowly, careful not to wake Poppy, she opens the drawer. She wipes the pine tree sprig, now wet with melting snow, against her jacket before placing it carefully in the drawer. She shuts it before going off to get ready for bed.

XXX Friday June 9, 2018

"Do you think she'll like it?" Holly asks, her voice small.

Her confidence from earlier is gone as she holds the scrapbook she made for Darling against her chest.

"She'll love it, Hol! I promise! How could she not?! It's absolutely amazing!" Poppy reassures her for the umpteenth time.

The girl is sitting in her bed, flipping through a hairstylist magazine.

Holly smiles at her sister. "Thank you, Poppy. I'm just really nervous for some reason. This is a graduation gift. It's so much more important than something like a Christmas gift! And this probably will be our last adventure for a while."

Her chest aches at the thought. But it's the truth. They're graduating high school, on to bigger and better things. Holly has decided to not go through with her destiny. The choice was a painful one. After all, she'd trained for it her entire life. She'd put her heart and soul into learning everything she could about it. But as leary she was about the rebellion before, it did make her think. She doesn't want to spend years locked away in a tower. Alone. No Poppy. No Mom and Dad. No Darling…

So, she and Poppy are going to go home for a while, to catch their breaths after the constant commotion of their stay at Ever After High. Holly is going to start applying to universities. Poppy has already received a job as a hairstylist at a fancy hair salon in the area. As much as Holly has considered going to the university Darling and Apple are attending, she’s decided against it, at least for now. The thought of being away from Poppy terrifies her, and she hasn’t seen her parents consistently for four years now. She’s loved high school, but she misses the way things used to be, the comfort of living together as a family. She and Poppy have always been extremely close with their parents. Before Poppy joined Holly at Ever After High in sophomore year, Holly’s homesickness was nearly unbearable. She knows that she and Poppy will have to find their own house at some point (the thought of mooching off her parents for years to come doesn’t appeal to them), but for right now, they all want their old family dynamic back.

Darling and Apple have already bought a house near Bookend, and have been accepted to the local university. They're already settling down. They've only been dating for four months…but they are True Loves. And not the forced together kind. The meant to be kind. The magical kind. Whatever happens, they'll stay together. And Holly despises herself for not being happy for them. No matter how hard she tries to quell the urge, to stomp on it until it dies, she yearns for Darling. She doesn't know if it's love, but it's something. The girl makes her feel things she's never felt before. She wants to spend every moment that she can with her. She supposes it is love. Fate is cruel. It's given Darling and Apple each other. But the togetherness, the love, that Holly craves like oxygen is out of her reach. This hopelessness has made her consider completing her destiny. But no…she could never leave Poppy. She and Poppy have been by each other's sides their whole lives. She can't even begin to imagine enduring years without her twin.

So, she's here and here to stay. Darling is her friend. And that has to be enough. She looks down at the scrapbook in her arms, thinks of the hours that she'd spent crafting it, striving to make it the best gift it could possibly be. Photos, momentos, the memories they've made, are laid out for them to see, to cherish. Thinking of how heartfelt it is, Holly hopes it doesn't give her attraction away. That would be a disaster. Her stomach clenches at the thought. But Poppy has assured her that it's perfect. She hasn't told her sister about her unrequited love. It's been a struggle, considering they've always told each other everything. But this is something that she knows will hurt to say aloud. She doesn't want to crumble, like she did when Duchess revealed her and Poppy's birth order secret to the world. She wants to be strong for Poppy. So she's kept the truth inside her where it belongs.

Holly glances down at her watch. 10:03 pm. That's strange. Darling has never been late for anything they've done together. Hopefully nothing's wrong. Maybe she should call her, make sure everything's okay. No. That would seem too desperate. It's only a few minutes. She needs to calm down. So, she sits on her bed. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath.

"You okay, Hol?" Poppy asks.

The concern in her sister's voice makes Holly ache. She opens her eyes. Looking at the girl, she does her best to give her a reassuring smile.

"I'm fine. No worries!"

Poppy doesn't look convinced, but she goes back to her magazine, clearly deciding it best to not pester Holly. Holly appreciates her sister's consideration.

Holly draws her phone out of her pocket. She opens up Princessgram. Mindlessly, she scrolls, liking her friends' posts, barely processing what they're about. She looks at the time again and again. With every minute that passes, her heart sinks lower.

At 10:10, she can't take it anymore. She has to call Darling. The phone rings and rings before going to voicemail. A wave of panic ripples through her. Darling has also never missed a call. Something terrible must have happened! She jumps to her feet, rushing towards the door. Her chest constricts, oxygen smothered by a thick layer of fear.

"What are you doing?!" Poppy exclaims. "Are you okay?!"

"Darling's never been late before! Something must be wrong!" Her heart hammers in her chest, crashing through her head.

"Holly, it's okay!" Poppy insists. "I'm sure she's fine!"

Holly shakes her head, hand trembling on the door handle. "I need to go check!"

Before Poppy can answer, Holly races out of the room, quickly shutting the door behind her. Veins pumping with adrenaline, she doesn't stop running the entire way to Darling's and Rosabella's dorm, two floors below her and Poppy's. She knocks on the door, far louder than she usually would. She squeezes her eyes shut, fists clenched by her sides, praying that Darling is here and safe.

"Holly?"

Holly's eyes snap open. Standing before her is Rosabella, clad in a red, rose-patterned nightgown.

"Is Darling here?!" Holly exclaims, too overwhelmed for social niceties.

Rosabella raises her eyebrow. "She's on a date with Apple right now. Did you guys have something planned?"

What remaining oxygen Holly had is sucked from her. Her stomach drops.

"What?" Her voice trembles, barely above a whisper.

"There's this late night event at the aquarium tonight. Some kind of special glow in the dark display with the luminescent sea creatures."

Holly barely hears her though. Her body feels numb, but her mind is racing. Why would Darling do this?! Am I in some kind of horrible nightmare?! She would never do this! She's always been so dependable! What is going on?!

She flinches, yanked from her spiraling thoughts, by a warm hand on her shoulder. She looks up, eyes landing on Rosabella. The girl's brow is creased with concern.

"Are you okay?"

Holly's voice is lost, along with her breath. Her vision blurs, and she thinks she's going to faint for a second. But then she feels her eyes burning and knows it's tears. She has to get out of here. So, she runs. Again.

She hears Rosabella calling after her, but she's too consumed with anger and hurt to care. Hot streams of tears are rolling down her cheeks now. She just needs to be alone. To experience these ugly feelings that nobody should know about in private. They're not supposed to be there in the first place. But they are. She can’t do anything about it.

She bursts into her room, slamming the door behind her. She hears Poppy yelp. She doesn't acknowledge her sister though. She storms over to her desk. With shaking hands, she grabs the scrapbook, the memoir she'd lovingly crafted for Darling, and with all her strength, she throws it into the trash can.

"Holly?! What is going on?!"

Poppy's panic doesn't halt Holly's rampage. Her resolve is completely gone, angry sobs tearing at her throat. Distantly, the thought that this isn't a good idea occurs to her, but she's too consumed with fury to care. She slams her fist against the top of her desk. Sharp pain immediately radiates through her hand. She shrieks, falling to her knees. Through her blurry vision, she can see blood pooling on her knuckles.

"Oh my God! Holly! Are you okay?!"

Then Poppy is on her knees beside her, her sister’s panicked expression replacing the sight of the blood. Poppy gently takes Holly's hand, observing the damage.

"Kingdoms, Holly!" she exclaims. "It's already so bruised!"

Poppy's on the verge of hysteria now. It only adds to the waves of emotional and physical pain rolling over Holly in waves.

"It hurts!" she sobs. "Poppy, it hurts!"

She doesn't know herself whether she's talking about her fist or Darling. All she knows is that everything hurts.

"Shhh," Poppy soothes, her voice softening. "I know it does. I think we need to go get this checked out by Nurse Mama Bear. It's really swollen."

Holly shakes her head vigorously. She can't do that right now. Even talking to Poppy is taking every bit of strength she has left.

"No! I can't!"

Poppy runs her hand through Holly's hair, much calmer now. "Why not?"

Holly tries to think of what to say, how she can possibly convince Poppy to not drag her to the nurse's office (she's too weak right now to fight back). But the thought at the front of her mind, spinning through her head again and again in a dizzying loop, is what comes out. She can barely get the words out through her heaving sobs.

"Darling forgot about our adventure! She-She's on a date with Apple!"

The admission out in the open, she starts to cry even harder, curling in on herself.

"Oh, Holly," Poppy murmurs, sounding near tears herself.

Holly stiffens as Poppy embraces her, her muscles clenching. But as Poppy draws Holly's head to her chest and begins to stroke her hair, Holly relaxes, snuggling closer to her sister.

"It's okay," Poppy whispers. "I'm here."

Holly cries and cries, trying to find comfort in her sister's arms. But it just hurts too much.

Eventually, she begins to calm, heavy sobs giving way to whimpers and then hiccups. Her fist still throbs, Darling's betrayal is still a stabbing pain, but she's exhausted. Poppy continues to provide comfort, fingers sliding gently through her damp tresses. A few minutes of relative quiet pass before Poppy speaks softly.

"You like her…don't you?"

Holly dissolving into tears again is all the confirmation Poppy needs. To hear it said aloud makes it all the more real. Holly is in love with Darling. And she can never have her.

"I'm sorry, Holly," Poppy whispers. "I'm sorry."

By the time Holly calms down again and finally lets go of Poppy, both girls’ eyes travel to Holly's fist. It looks like a dark blue balloon. It's definitely broken.

XXX Nurse Mama Bear wraps her hand, and gives her painkillers and a mini cooler filled with ice packs.

XXX Holly and Poppy lie side by side in Holly's bed. The ice pack numbs Holly's fist, but the pain is less intense now. Her chest is still heavy with sorrow though. Neither girl speaks. Poppy just traces her thumb over the back of Holly's uninjured hand, a small comfort that Holly truly appreciates. Her gratitude for her sister adds a bit of warmth to the sharp ache inside her.

"Thank you, Poppy," she says, her voice hoarse. "For everything."

Poppy scoots closer, nuzzling her face against Holly's shoulder. "Of course. I'm always here for you. We're going to get through this. Together."

Later that night after Poppy has fallen asleep, head heavy against Holly's shoulder, Holly quietly gets out of bed and tiptoes across the room. Stopping at her desk, she leans down, carefully plucking the pine tree sprig from the trash can. Quickly, she slides open her desk drawer, drops it in, amongst the nearly organized stacks of school supplies. She shuts the drawer and, as silently as possible, comes back to bed.

XXX Saturday June 10, 2018 9:17 am

Holly's eyes ache as she slowly opens them the next morning. She turns over, and through her bleary vision, she sees Poppy lying beside her, asleep. With a sigh, Holly slowly sits up, taking much longer than she usually would as she rubs the sleep from her eyes. Grabbing her phone from the bedside table and opening it, she gasps at the time. She never wakes up this late. While Poppy and many of her friends sleep in on weekends, she never does. She's always up by 7:30, her brain simply not wanting to sleep any longer. Holly the early bird and Poppy the night owl–as usual, the twins balance each other out perfectly. Holly smiles at the thought. She's so incredibly lucky to have Poppy as her sister.

Swiping through her notifications, her stomach clenches as she notices three missed calls and five texts from Darling. Her friend knows that she's an early riser. Darling is as well, even more so than Holly, always going for a run by 5:30, even on weekends. A wave of panic rushing through her, Holly throws her phone to the end of the bed. She doesn't know why she reacted so urgently. This really isn't as big a deal as she's making it out to be. But the thought of talking to Darling right now, of listening to and accepting the apology that the girl is inevitably going to immediately give, feels strangely daunting. She needs to distract herself. But first, she takes more painkillers for her broken hand and grabs an ice pack. It's more of a dull ache now rather than a sharp pain, but she knows it's important to keep the swelling down.

She sits down at her desk and opens her laptop, getting to work on her current fanfiction. She keeps her broken hand (it's her left one fortunately) on the desk, covering it with the ice pack, and uses her right hand to type. Usually she'd get ready for her day first, but if she goes to the showers, she'll risk seeing Darling. So, ignoring her mind's insistence on the things she should be doing, she types away, trying to put all her focus into her story. As she writes, though, she can feel the presence of the pine tree sprig in her desk drawer, just inches away from her. It's like there's a tether between them, and Holly doesn't understand it any more than she understands Darling standing her up.

Holly is so immersed in the fantasy world of her story that she doesn't realize Poppy is awake until the girl is standing by her side. Holly yelps.

"Sorry," Poppy apologizes. "Didn't mean to startle you. Just checking in. How are you feeling?"

Her eyes are soft with concern, her voice much quieter than usual. Fiction again replaced by reality, thoughts of Darling and the intense feelings of betrayal well up within her again. She clears her throat.

"I'm fine," she replies, her voice smaller than she wants it to be. "My hand is feeling a lot better. The ice and painkillers are really helping."

Poppy smiles brightly. "That's great, Holly!" Her expression quickly sobers again though. "Is…there anything you want to talk about? I'm here for whatever you need."

Holly manages a shaky smile, wanting to convey her appreciation to her sister, no matter how torn up she feels inside.

"I'm good right now, but thank you so much. I love you."

Poppy still looks concerned, her brow furrowed slightly, but she smiles back. "Of course. I love you too."

XXX 11:28 am

Holly finally bites the bullet and goes to shower. There's no way Darling would be in the shower room this late. The room is empty, luckily, so she takes all the time she wants, savoring the refreshing feeling of the warm water on her skin. She breathes in the scent of her rose shampoo, relishing the wonderful smell. After she finishes and gets dressed, she goes over to a sink to brush her teeth and wash her face. Looking in the mirror, she winces at her expression. Even after a shower, her eyes are still red and swollen. She huffs in frustration. She doubts even concealer will do much for her. She closes her eyes, praying that she won't see Darling today. There will be no way to downplay her devastation.

XXX 1:16 pm

Holly's prayer to not see Darling today goes unanswered. Holly is doing extra credit Crownculus work when there's a knock on the door. She stiffens, her heartbeat quickening. There's no way it isn't Darling. Poppy is already heading towards the door. Holly sighs. She's not going to stop her. As much as Darling hurt her, she can't bring herself to ignore the girl any longer. Holly hates conflict. Even if the pain doesn't go away for a while, she at least wants her and Darling to be on good terms, for things to go back to normal. The thought of there being a distance between her and Darling tightens the knots in her stomach.

Taking a deep breath, she smooths her hair down, quickly checking her reflection in her phone. Hopefully the makeup she put on is enough to downplay the puffiness of her eyes. Poppy opens the door, revealing a distressed-looking Darling Charming. The girl is wringing her hands, face tight with anxiety. Holly doesn't want it to, but the sight breaks her heart. She wants her friend to be happy, even if she herself isn't.

Poppy's eyes widen. "Darling…hey."

A forced smile replaces the frown on Darling's face. "Hey, Poppy. Is it alright if I come in?"

Poppy immediately turns to Holly, silently questioning her, wanting her sister's permission. Holly takes another deep breath before facing the door, eyes not quite meeting Darling's.

"Of course you can come in," she says, tone pleasant, but not as exuberant as usual.

"Thank you," Darling says quietly.

As she walks in, Poppy shutting the door behind her, she smooths down her dress. She slips her sandals off, placing them by the door, polite as always. She slowly approaches Holly's bed, head up, but eyes not making contact.

Her voice is hoarse as she asks, "Is it okay if I sit?"

Holly nods, her voice suddenly gone. Darling slowly sits down at the foot of the bed, far closer to the edge than she usually would be.

Poppy clears her throat. "I have plans with Ashlynn at 1:30, so I'm going to head out now. See you guys later!"

Holly and Darling both wave, giving their goodbyes.

As soon as Poppy shuts the door behind her, the tension in the room builds, pressing in on Holly. By the look in Darling's eyes, like a deer caught in the headlights, Holly imagines the girl is feeling the same way. Holly racks her brain for anything to say, any way to start this difficult conversation, but her mind is stuck. Holly knows Darling can be shy and awkward, especially when it comes to tense situations, so she understands the girl's struggle to speak. She gives her time to gather her thoughts, tracing her finger over her bedspread.

She starts when her friend finally begins to speak.

"I just want to start by saying how incredibly sorry I am, Holly. There's no excuse for what I did. You mean so so much to me! I hate so much that I hurt you, and I know I can never completely make it up to you, but I'll do anything to make things okay between us!" Her voice breaks.

Holly, who's kept her gaze down through Darling's speech, slowly looks up as she hears the crack in her friend's voice. Darling's eyes are glistening with tears. Holly's heart squeezes. She's only seen Darling brought to tears one other time. That goes to show just how much this situation has affected her friend as well. Tears fill Holly's eyes. She takes a deep, shaky breath, forcing herself to speak.

"I don't want you to be sad, Darling. It's okay. I know you didn't mean to."

Her voice wavers, tears hot against her cheeks as they drop from her eyes. Darling sniffs, wiping her eyes.

"Look at me," the girl says, voice laced with bitterness. "Making this about myself. I can't believe myself."

Holly is opening her mouth to reassure Darling when the girl continues.

"I know my intentions weren't bad, but that doesn't take away the fact that I hurt you. I never want to hurt anybody, especially a person I care about as much as you."

A surge of warmth rushes through Holly's chest at Darling's words, at the tenderness in her voice. Darling cares about her…in this moment, that feels like enough. This assurance gives Holly the strength to speak more confidently.

"I forgive you, Darling. You apologized and want to make it up to me, and that's what matters. We'll go do something fun and it'll be like none of this ever happened. Okay?"

Her voice is almost back to its usual enthusiastic tone. It's when somebody needs her help that the best version of herself takes over, and seeing the pain in Darling's eyes…it's enough to bring out her instinct to encourage and reassure.

Darling doesn't look entirely convinced, but still her frown morphs into a soft smile. She nods.

"Hug?" Darling asks, spreading her arms.

She wouldn't usually ask. Clearly she's still feeling insecure, but that's understandable. Darling takes her moral code very seriously. Any slipup, and her self-loathing will be intense.

Holly smiles. "Of course! Come here!"

She pulls Darling into a tight hug. Darling reciprocates the affection, giving her a reassuring squeeze. They embrace in silence for a few moments, Holly relishing the feeling of peace that returns to her in her friend's arms.

A minute later, Darling softly speaks, breath warm against Holly's neck.

"Thank you. For forgiving me. I'm really sorry."

Holly giggles. "You already said that, silly! It's okay!"

Darling chuckles. When they pull away a couple moments later, Darling's eyes suddenly widen.

"Oh my godmother! What happened to your hand?!"

Holly looks down at her bandaged hand. It feels so much better, she'd forgotten all about the injury during their conversation.

"How did I not notice that until now?' Darling exclaims. "Is it broken?!"

"Yes, unfortunately," Holly replies. "It doesn't hurt much anymore though. I've been icing it a lot and taking painkillers."

"I'm glad it's feeling better," Darling says, calming down as she processes the situation. "What happened?"

Holly quickly thinks up an excuse. There's no way she can tell her the real reason. Even if she gives the "slamming her fist into her desk" thing another reasoning, Darling will just think she has anger issues.

Finally, she comes up with something simple but hopefully plausible.

"I was running to the stables yesterday to hang out with the dragons, but I tripped and I caught my fall with my hands. It was a really hard fall, and you know how rough the ground is around there…"

Darling winces. "Yeah. Well, I'm really sorry that happened to you. Let me know if you need help with anything, okay?"

Holly smiles. "I will. Thank you."

"Of course. Anything for you."

Holly grins. The pain is still there, but it barely registers now, covered nearly entirely by the warm blanket of Darling's love. Not the kind of love she yearns for…but love nonetheless.

XXX

She and Darling talk for another couple hours, moving onto lighter topics, like classes and their hobbies and graduation.

"I'm nervous," Holly admits. "I've become so used to this…to living at school and being with my friends all the time. It's going to be a big transition."

Anxiety that she'd been trying to suppress rises within her, turning her stomach to mush.

Darling nods. "Me too. I'm really excited to be starting a new chapter. Living with Apple away from my mother judging my every move will be a dream come true." She chuckles, then sighs. "But all the same, things will be strange at first. As you said, we won't be around our friends all the time. And our routines will completely change too. That can be jarring for organized people like you and me."

Holly and Darling laugh softly.

Holly grins. "Jarring is an understatement. At least I'll have Poppy's chaos to balance me out."

Darling chuckles. "Very true."

I'll miss you. This is what Holly wants to say, but looking at Darling's smiling face, she can't bring herself to do it. She doesn't want to darken the mood. And…this is silly…but just the thought of speaking it aloud, of openly facing that she and Darling will be seeing each other much less, terrifies her. So, she pushes the bad feelings down and does her best to enjoy her time with Darling, trying to filter out her nagging thoughts with the softness of the girl's smile, the genuineness of her laugh, the beautiful blue of her eyes. In that moment, this is what matters.

XXX 11:56 pm

Just like the night before, once Poppy has fallen asleep, Holly slips out of bed and quietly pads across the room to her desk. Slowly, she pulls the scrapbook from the trash can. As she places it in her desk drawer, she wonders why she's being so secretive about this. She doesn't keep anything from Poppy, and this isn't anything that private in the first place. But it's like the scrapbook has changed…it's even more personal than it used to be. A different kind of personal, one that raises a maelstrom of emotions in her. She can't make sense of them, but she knows she needs the scrapbook. Not to give to Darling. Simply to be there.

That night, she dreams of Darling. When she wakes up in the morning, she doesn't remember what they were about. Just that Darling was in them. She can feel her there.

XXX Thursday June 15, 2018

The presents feel stupid. A fantasy novel about a female knight. A wall poster in shades of blue that says "No one was ever named 'Hero' for following the crowd. Heroes set their own course." And an aqua dragon plushie (nobody can deny that it's absolutely adorable).

But Darling's eyes glow with excitement as she takes the tissue paper out of the bag, and the presents are revealed. She takes them out one by one, a bright grin on her face.

"Oh stars! This is amazing, Holly! Thank you so much!"

She pulls Holly into a tight embrace. Holly smiles, hugging her back. She savors the feeling of Darling's arms wrapped securely around her, knowing it will be a little while before she can relish in this warmth and safety again.

"Of course!" Holly exclaims as they pull back a moment later. "Anything for my hero!"

Darling giggles. Picking up a hot pink gift bag, she hands it to Holly. Holly's hands are suddenly trembling for some reason. Her heart is pounding with anticipation. She tries to hide the shaking as she takes the bag. It’s just a present. It’s stupid to get so emotional. But to her, it’s so much more. It’s the euphoria of meaning something to Darling, the devastation of going their separate ways, the love she holds for the girl. A breathless, dizzying, aching love.

Pulling out the light pink tissue paper, she carefully draws out the gift. It’s a large journal, the fuschia background patterned with carnation pink butterflies and red hearts. The cover is a laminated photo of the two of them. It was taken after the holiday talent show back in December. They’re standing on the auditorium stage, colorful strings of lights and two glowing Christmas trees behind them. They have their arms around each other. They’re smiling brightly, their faces flushed from the elation of the evening. Holly’s eyes burn, so many feelings flowing inside of her, she couldn’t even begin to decipher them all. But by far the most dominant emotion is the pure adoration she has for her friend.

“Thank you so much!” she exclaims, her voice trembling.

She throws her arms around Darling. Darling giggles, hugging her back.

“You haven’t even opened it yet!” she laughs.

“There’s more?!” Holly pulls away, quickly opening the journal.

Darling chuckles. “Of course! I wouldn’t just get you a journal, silly!”

Holly gasps. It’s far from a blank journal, like she’d initially thought. The first page is a letter from Darling. She knows she can’t read it right now. She won’t get through that without crying. As she flips through, all the beautiful and complicated emotions swirling within her spin faster. There are writing prompts, inspirational quotes, more photos of them. A list: “Just some of the reasons you’re absolutely amazing.” She reads it, her heart pounding: 1. The best listener. 2. Talented at literally everything 3. Gives the best hugs 4. Always knows how to cheer me up 5. The funnest adventure partner 6. Kind to everybody

Holly forces herself to stop reading, the stinging in her eyes increasing. There are several more lists: “Some of my favorite memories of ours,” “Some of my unpopular Hunger Games opinions that you need to always remember,” (Holly laughs at this one), “Our adventure bucket list,” just to name a few. There are several sketches (Holly didn’t know until a few months ago that Darling enjoys sketching): a knight battling a dragon, a book next to a quill, a rainbow, butterflies and dragonflies, flowers.

“These are beautiful, Darling,” Holly breathes.

“Thank you.” Darling’s voice is small, shy in the face of Holly’s praise.

Holly closes the journal, gently placing it back in the bag. She sets it down before pulling the girl back into her arms. Darling embraces her tightly, resting her cheek on Holly’s head.

“The whole journal is beautiful,” Holly murmurs. “Thank you so much.” Her voice shakes.

Darling gives her a squeeze. “Of course, Holly. Of course.”

XXX 11:43 pm

After Poppy has fallen asleep that night, her breathing evening out from across the room, Holly sits up. Carefully, she picks up the journal from her bedside table and slowly opens it to the first page. She’s determined to never get so much as a scratch on it. Turning her phone’s flashlight on, she angles it down towards the journal. She takes a deep breath, garnering her resolve, before reading Darling’s first letter. Dear Holly, Hey, BFFA! I know that not being together all the time is going to be rough, but I’m always going to be there for you! I’m only a phone call away! I’m so happy that you and Poppy are going to be with your parents again. I know you’ve missed them so much. And I can’t wait to come meet them soon! We’re still going to hang out often, so please don’t worry! As soon as I get settled in, I’ll come visit and you can take me to all the cool places in your kingdom! I can’t wait! Never forget that you’re an absolutely incredible person! I’m so so happy we became friends! I’ll always cherish all the memories we’ve made, and I can’t wait to make more! Also, remember to email me your fanfics! I’m obsessed! :D With all my love, Darling

Holly doesn’t realize she’s crying until she registers the warm trails of tears on her face. She’s entirely overwhelmed with emotions, ones that fill her with warmth and ones that make her positively ache. Gently placing the journal back on her nightstand, she curls up, burying her face in her pillow. As quietly as she can, not wanting to wake Poppy, she falls apart.

XXX Present Time (Tuesday December 22, 2020)

"Yay!" Holly cheers. "All done!"

Poppy, who just got back from work (she's been commuting to her hairstylist job), gets up from her bed where she'd been scrolling on her phone.

"What's done?" she asks, walking over to Holly, who is sitting at the hotel room desk.

Holly grins, holding up the completed scrapbook. "Ta da!"

Poppy's eyes widen. "Is that–"

"Yep!" Holly confirms, knowing what Poppy was about to say.

Poppy smiles warmly. “I’m so happy you’re finally going to give it to her! It’s amazing!”

Holly’s cheeks flush, touched by her sister’s praise. “Thank you, Poppy. That means a lot.”

Poppy grins. “I’m so hexcited for Christmas Eve! Spending the evening with all our friends and Willow–she’s so adorable!”

Holly giggles. “I know, right?! Ashlynn and Briar are so lucky to have that little angel!”

“What’s the deal with those two anyway?” Poppy asks, her eyebrows raised. “They seem like they’re together. I mean, they’ve lived together for years. That’s going way past Briar’s ‘I’m going to move in with Ashlynn for a while to take care of her and Willow’ thing.”

Holly shrugs. “I honestly don’t know, but they seem pretty in love to me. Briar is Willow’s other mommy. That’s for sure.”

“Totally,” Poppy agrees. “Well, whatever the case, I’m excited to party with them and everybody else!”

“Me too!”

Holly looks down at the scrapbook. “And I’m excited to give Darling this. Excited…and scared.”

“She’ll love it, Hol!”

Holly smiles softly. “I know she will. She’s the best.”

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 29: I've Got You)

Tuesday December 22, 2020 (Present Time) 4:34 pm

"Ta da!" Apple exclaims, as she hangs the last ornament, a shiny red apple (ironically) on the glowing Christmas tree.

Darling grins. "Phew! I thought that would never get done!"

Apple chuckles. "Same! I'm so relieved! And the house looks great!"

They’d managed to get a lot done, considering they both had three classes today. Thank goodness they're off for two weeks for winter break now.

She and Darling smile, admiring the finished product of their decorating. Sparkling tinsel hangs on the walls. A line of small snowman sculptures are beside the hearth. Candles, adorned with holly, glow on the mantle. A Santa Claus sculpture that Apple has always found creepy stands to the right of the hearth. Even if it's not quite as festive as usual, the house looks thousands of times brighter than it did this morning, filling Apple with a warm, fuzzy sensation. Raven is asleep as usual, sprawled out in the guest bedroom bed. But Apple pushes her concern to the back of her mind, and instead focuses on the positive (it's what she needs today). There's the smell of cinnamon, the pleasant sound of the glowing flames crackling in the fireplace, the winter wonderland outside their window. Apple is finally starting to feel the Christmas spirit.

She starts, pulled from her reverie, as Darling suddenly takes her hand, leading her forward.

"Darling–what are you–"

She's cut off as her girlfriend slings her arms around her neck, drawing her into a kiss. The kiss immediately transforms the warmth throughout Apple's body into a sweltering heat. She wraps her arms around Darling in turn, fingers tangled in the girl's platinum blonde curls as the kiss deepens, tongues connecting as they press closer and closer to each other. To have no distance between yourself and a person, both physically and emotionally, is a rare blessing, Apple thinks to herself as she continues to ride the waves of passion coursing through her. The pure bliss she feels numbs her thoughts then, only the beautiful sensations of unadulterated pleasure occuring to her.

That is, until a knocking on the door startles both girls. They stumble away from each other. Apple blinks at Darling, her lust-filled mind taking a moment to come back down to reality.

"Oh! Briar, Ash, and Willow are here!" Apple exclaims, finally registering the situation.

Both girls are breathing heavily, faces flushed.

"Darling!" Apple whines. She fans her face. "You got me all hot! What was that for?!"

It's clear from her glowing smile and the sparkle in her bright blue eyes that she's far from upset about what just transpired though. Darling starts to laugh. Apple's smile widens at the beautiful sound.

Apple giggles. "Whattt?

She gives Darling's arm a playful slap. Darling chuckles before pointing upwards. Apple looks up, her brow furrowed in confusion. When her eyes land on the sprig of mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, she joins in on Darling's laughter.

She lightly bumps her shoulder against Darling's. "You sneaky thing!"

She leans in for another kiss, but they're cut off by another knocking on the door. Apple gasps, pulling back.

"I totally forgot about them!" she exclaims, her eyes wide.

Darling bursts into laughter again as Apple bolts out of the living room and down the entrance hall.

"I'm so sorry!" Apple exclaims as soon as she opens the door. "Darling and I–"

She trails off, her eyes widening as it dawns on her how messy she must look. Strands of hair are plastered to her sweaty face, and she can still feel her cheeks burning. She quickly runs a hand through her hair, pulling the loose tresses back, before continuing.

"We were watching a show and we had the volume turned up loud, so we didn't hear you guys until the second knock."

Apple's cheeks grow hotter as she sees the knowing expressions on Briar's and Ashlynn's faces. Briar opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted as Willow, dressed festively in red reindeer-patterned leggings, a light pink sweater with a sparkly Santa Claus printed on it, a magenta jacket, and fuzzy red boots, runs forward.

"Auntie Apple!" the toddler exclaims.

Apple sweeps Willow into her arms, hugging her tight as the girl throws her arms around her.

"Hey, sweetheart! How are you doing today?!"

"Good! Look!"

Willow points to the bows in her hair that hold up her pigtails, red on the left and green on the right.

"You're so beautiful!' Apple exclaims, giving her a quick kiss on the head. "And all ready for Christmas too! Are you so excited?!"

Willow grins. "Yeah!"

She throws her arms up in excitement. The three women giggle.

"Hey, guys!" Darling greets as she enters the hall.

"Auntie Darling!" Willow cheers.

Apple quickly gives Willow to Darling before the toddler can launch herself out of her arms.

"Hey there, baby!" Darling exclaims, holding Willow close. "You all ready to bake Christmas cookies?!"

Willow bounces in Darling's arms, her smile widening even further.

"Yeah!"

Ashlynn and Briar are watching the exchange with warm smiles on their faces.

"Yay!" Darling cheers. "Let's do it!"

She gently sets Willow down. "Here, I'll take your coats."

XXX 4:58 pm

"What do you want to make first, Willow?!" Briar exclaims. "There's a snowman, a Christmas tree, a gingerbread man, a star, a heart, and a reindeer!" She points to each cookie cutter in turn.

Willow immediately picks up the reindeer cookie cutter. "This one!"

Ashlynn chuckles. "Ever since watching Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer a few weeks ago, she's been obsessed with reindeer."

Apple grins. "Awww, that's so cute!"

"Here, I'll show you how to make the cookie," Briar says.

Gently placing her hands over Willow's, she helps the toddler press the cookie cutter into the dough.

"Great job, Willow!" Ashlynn exclaims. "That looks great!"

Briar picks up the spatula, depositing the cookie onto the tray.

Apple watches the three fondly. They're so adorable together. She wonders sometimes if Briar and Ashlynn will ever make their relationship official, or if they even consider it official themselves. As much as Apple is dying to know, she's never said a word about it to them. When she was younger she had the nasty habit of sticking her nose into everybody's business. The situation with the Evil Queen being released and wreaking havoc on Ever After High had been a wake-up call for her. She'd sworn to herself that she'd let her friends live their lives without an unnecessary amount of interference. Sure, she's slipped up here and there, but overall she thinks she's done a good job. Bettering yourself is hard work, but as she gazes around the kitchen at these people that she loves so deeply, she thinks of just how much it's worth it.

XXX Friday January 25, 2018 (senior year of high school) 7:00 pm

Apple knocks on Briar's and Ashlynn's dorm room door at seven on the dot. She prides herself on her punctuality, even for something as casual as a girl's night with her friends.

Briar opens the door a second later, grinning as soon as she sees Apple.

"Hey!" Briar exclaims. "Welcome to Girl's Night Extravaganza!"

Apple giggles as she steps into the room. She claps her hand against her chest dramatically. "I'm honored to be here!"

Briar laughs before pulling Apple into a hug. They embrace tightly before drawing away.

"Hey, Apple!" Ashlynn cheerfully greets.

"Hey, Ash!"

Apple hugs Ashlynn then, giving the girl a squeeze.

As they pull back a moment later, Apple thinks she sees a wince on her friend's face. But as soon as she makes the observation, it's gone. She's probably imagining things. Hopefully.

"I'm so happy we're finally doing this!" Briar exclaims. "It's been too long!"

"I know, right?" Apple agrees. "Classes have been brutal this year."

Briar winces. "They sure have been." A wide smile instantly returns to the girl's face. "Here, you can put your backpack on my bed."

"Thanks," says Apple.

Once she's set it down on Briar's bed, she turns to her friends. "What do you girls want to do first?!"

"How about nails?" Briar suggests. "My polish started chipping today."

"That sounds great!" Apple exclaims. "My nails could really use a tune up too."

"Sounds good!" Ashlynn agrees. "I haven't even had my nails painted since December. They look sooo bad!"

"They do not, Ash!" Briar objects. "They're beautiful!"

Ashlynn giggles. "I'd say beautiful is quite the overstatement, but thank you."

Briar playfully rolls her eyes. "It's not an overstatement–but anyways, let's pick out our colors!"

Apple and Ashlynn sit down on Ashlynn's bed as Briar pulls out her pink sparkly case of nail polish from under her bed. Briar has stored her belongings under her bed for as long as Apple can remember. It's strangely endearing. Briar sets the case on the bed and opens it. They all pull bottles out, assembling them in a circle on the bed for easier visibility. It takes several minutes of careful analysis for them to pick out the perfect colors. Ashlynn has the hardest time picking. She holds up two bottles. One is mint green and another is light pink. She then sets them down and holds up two more bottles, cyan and emerald.

"I just don't knowww!" she whines. "Can you guys pick for me please?"

She gives them her best puppy dog eyes, and with an affectionate sigh, Briar obliges. She puts her finger on her chin, suddenly in deep concentration. When it comes to fashion, Briar is uncharacteristically serious.

After a few moments of deliberation, the girl comes to a conclusion.

"I honestly can't choose between the mint green and the pink."

Ashlynn pouts. "But you’ve gotta choose one, Bri!"

Apple giggles as Briar closes her eyes, shuffling the two bottles from hand to hand before dropping one on the bed. Opening her eyes, she grins and picks up the chosen bottle.

"The pink it is!"

Ashlynn giggles softly, smiling brightly at Briar. "Thanks, hon."

Briar chuckles. "Anytime, Ash. Now, let's see…I think I'm going to do something a little different and go with this red."

Apple gasps in mock offense. "But Briar, that's my color!"

Trying to hold back a smile, Briar rolls her eyes. "So you're the queen of red now?"

Apple crosses her arms, lifting her face upwards snobbishly. "Why yes, I certainly am."

Briar scoffs jokingly. "Well, deal with it."

Apple and Ashlynn laugh. Briar's fake angry expression melts and a smile lights up her face. She chuckles.

Smirking, Apple picks up a bottle of hot pink nail polish. "Well, I'm going to steal your color then! Eye for an eye!"

Briar scoffs. "Bring it on!"

Apple and Ashlynn giggle again, and Briar joins in.

Moving onto the floor, Briar pulls her phone from her pocket. "Any song requests?"

Apple thinks for a moment before shaking her head. Ashlynn does the same.

Briar playfully rolls her eyes. "Alright then, I guess I'll just have to make the decision againnn!"

Apple and Ashlynn giggle. A second later, "What Makes You Charming" begins to play.

"OMG, yessss!" Apple cheers.

Ashlynn chuckles. She's never been a huge One Reflection fan like Apple and Briar, but she clearly loves to see her friends happy. Briar snaps a few times, swaying to the beat. Briar being so cheerful and carefree is a relief to Apple. It's only been four days since the girl's dog, Felix, passed away. Though she was heartbroken at first, she seems to be recovering well. That, or she's just suppressing her pain. Knowing Briar, the latter is probable. Apple will have to keep a close eye on her.

"You can choose the next song, Ash," Briar assures Ashlynn.

Ashlynn laughs softly. "It's fine. You girls just jam out!"

Briar unscrews the cap of her nail polish bottle. "Nope. You're picking, whether you like it or not."

Ashlynn rolls her eyes fondly. "Fineee. If you insist."

Briar shrugs. "It's only fair. Now, let me paint those cute little toes of yours!"

Ashlynn snorts. "My toes are cute? Interesting."

"They're so tiny!" Briar insists, a wide smile on her face.

Ashlynn shrugs. "It's a Cinderella thing."

Apple chuckles. "Honestly, my feet are pretty small too."

"I knowww!" Briar exclaims. "My feet are monstrous compared to yours and Ashlynn's!"

Apple scoffs. "They are not, Briar!"

Briar rolls her eyes. "Sureee."

She cracks a smile at the amused expressions on Apple's and Ashlynn's faces.

"Now come on, Ash! Give me those toesies!"

Ashlynn giggles before stretching her legs out. She flinches slightly as Briar begins to paint her big toe.

Briar chuckles. "You're so ticklish, Ash!"

"I knowww!" Ashlynn whines. "Makes getting pedicures embarrassing."

Apple giggles. "You're not alone, Ash. I'm worse than you are."

Ashlynn chuckles. "I don't know about that."

Briar smirks. "Well, I am proud to say that I have toes of steel! No ticklishness here!"

Apple rolls her eyes. "How inspirational!"

Briar playfully slaps Apple's arm. "Be careful, missy! I'm the one painting those nails of yours! I'm practically God here!"

The three girls look at each other and laugh. Looking at the bright smiles on her friends' faces, warmth rises in Apple's chest. With all the stress of Raven's father's cancer diagnosis and the large workload of all her classes, Apple is immensely grateful to have a relaxing night with her BFFAs.

XXX

Apple, Ashlynn, and Briar laugh hysterically as Bella Swan flies backwards, crashing into the wall, as Edward Cullen shoves her away from the direction of a crazed Emmett Cullen. The Twilight movies are always great for a good laugh.

"What is that expression on Edward's face?!" Briar exclaims. She snorts. "Why is he looking at Bella like that?! Shouldn't he be making sure she's okay?!"

Apple shrugs, grinning with amusement. "You'd think."

She shoves another handful of popcorn into her mouth, throwing all properness out the window as she crunches on the buttery goodness.

As the scene changes to Carlisle Cullen cleaning Bella's wound, Briar snorts again.

"Yet another weird look! Why does it legit look like they're about to kiss?!"

Apple guffaws. "I know, right?! Why can't anybody just have a normal facial expression in this movie?!"

"Entertainment purposes, of course," Briar replies. "These movies being labeled as a drama is but a guise. This is peak comedy right here!"

Apple giggles. "I'm going to have to agree with you on that one."

As she and Briar laugh as the scene continues, Apple suddenly realizes that Ashlynn isn't joining in anymore. She can't see well through the dimness of the room, but from the light of the laptop, she can just make out a pained expression on the girl's face. She opens her mouth to ask if her friend is alright, but closes it just as fast. She should probably leave it alone. She doesn't want to embarrass Ashlynn.

So, she turns back to the movie. Ashlynn's continued silence weighs on her mind though. When she sees the girl lean into Briar and a concerned expression rises on Briar's face, she frowns. What in the world is going on?! She doesn't know how much longer she can go without questioning the girls.

Just when she's opening her mouth again, Ashlynn suddenly stands up.

"I need to use the restroom.” Her tone is urgent.

She quickly flees the room.

"I'm going to go make sure Ashlynn is alright," Briar says. "You just hang here, alright?"

"Shouldn't I come?" Apple asks, a tight band of anxiety now wrapped around her chest.

Briar bites her lip, her expression changing from concerned to uncomfortable, like she's dreading what she's about to say. She clears her throat, shifting from foot to foot.

"It's so sweet that you want to help, but uh…Ashlynn doesn't really like to be crowded when she doesn't feel good. I think I should just go check on her real quick."

Apple knows Briar doesn't mean to hurt her, but the rejection does sting. Apple nods, cursing the burning in her eyes. Briar's face crumples as she looks at her friend. She looks just as sad as Apple feels. Briar lets out a shaky sigh, giving Apple's shoulder an awkward pat.

"I love you, Applepie," she murmurs, before quickly exiting the room.

Apple draws her knees to her chest, a traitorous tear sliding down her face. She bites her lip, forcing back the urge to sob. The movie continues to play in the background, the characters' words a blur in the back of her mind as she shifts her focus to pondering what could be wrong with Ashlynn. It seemed like she was going to be sick. A wave of panic rushes through Apple as she realizes that means she could get sick. She immediately feels guilty for making it about herself. She's just always been somewhat of a germaphobe. Ashlynn seemed perfectly fine beforehand though. Would a stomach bug come on that quickly? It seems unlikely. Maybe the extra butter of the popcorn upset her stomach? Various possible scenarios flash through Apple's head, her weepiness now gone as she analyzes the situation.

She starts when the dorm door suddenly opens, Briar and Ashlynn walking in. Apple turns the lamp on Ashlynn's nightstand on, wanting to get a better view of her friends. Ashlynn looks rather pale, but as her eyes land on Apple, her cheeks flush. What is she embarrassed about? Apple wonders. Briar looks sheepish, wincing as she looks at Apple. Apple can't hold it back any longer.

"What is going on?!" she exclaims. "You can't just leave me in the dark like this! I'm worried!"

Her emotions from earlier suddenly return, welling up in her chest. Her eyes fill with tears. Deep frowns form on Briar's and Ashlynn's faces.

Briar opens her mouth to speak, but Ashlynn beats her to it.

"Apple, I just…" Her voice cracks. "I just don't feel good. I think I ate something that didn't agree with me."

Apple narrows her eyes. Ashlynn has already claimed three times in the past couple weeks that she got food poisoning. It's starting to get suspicious, in Apple's opinion. Who gets food poisoning that often?

"I don't think that's true." Apple despises how her voice shakes.

Ashlynn opens her mouth to speak again, but Apple plows on.

"Can you please just tell me?! You can trust me! Haven't I proven that I care?! That I want what's best for you?!"

Ashlynn's frown deepens, as does Briar's.

"Of course you have!" Ashlynn exclaims, urgency flooding her voice. "You're such a good friend! I appreciate you more than you could ever know! I just–"

She looks down for a moment, and when she raises her head again, her emerald eyes are shining with tears. Apple gasps.

"I'm just scared," Ashlynn admits, her voice smaller than Apple has ever heard it.

Ashlynn looks down again, clearly trying to hide her tears. Briar places her hand on Ashlynn's shoulder, a solemn expression on her face. Apple bites her lip. She didn't mean to upset her friend. She sighs softly. She did it again. She stuck her nose where it didn't belong.

She's opening her mouth to apologize when Ashlynn suddenly speaks, eyes still trained on the floor.

"Apple...I'm pregnant."

She whispers that last word like a curse word, something she's ashamed to say. Apple freezes, paralyzed with shock that courses through her like a bolt of electricity.

When she finally manages to speak, her voice is hoarse. "How?'

She immediately feels stupid for asking. It's obvious how. She just never in a million years thought that Ashlynn and Hunter would be doing that yet. No matter how much social media now claims that there's nothing shameful about sex, that it's natural and shouldn't be such a taboo subject, Apple can't shake the mentality that it's dirty. It makes her extremely uncomfortable in the first place, but knowing that one of her best friends is having it (and at such a young age)...the discomfort she feels is more intense than ever. Ashlynn drags her slippered foot across the ground, fingers fiddling anxiously. Briar is looking at Apple, eyes wide with anticipation. Apple truly doesn't know what to say. On top of the staggering shock she feels, there's also the sting of betrayal. Once again, Ashlynn hasn't trusted her with something important. Apple has been trying so hard to be a better friend, to listen rather than micromanage. But clearly all her efforts were in vain. She swallows thickly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice is so small, she isn't sure if Ashlynn and Briar heard her until Ashlynn speaks.

"I just wasn't sure if you'd understand. This isn't a topic you're very, um, familiar with. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable."

This is like Ashlynn's secret relationship with Hunter all over again. Apple feels like she's falling, pushed off the ledge of a building by Ashlynn's lack of faith in her. Deep down she knows she's being dramatic. She isn't entitled to know Ashlynn's personal business just because she’s her friend. But the pain of being left in the dark about something this significant clouds her understanding of the situation. Apple has the rare urge to say something hurtful, to make Ashlynn feel the way she feels, but looking at the distraught expression on the girl's face, she can't bring herself to do it. Even in the midst of this pain that consumes her, she still cares about her friend. So, something more mild, but insensitive nonetheless, comes out.

"This is…a lot." She sighs, forcing herself to avert her eyes from her friends. She's terrified of their reactions. "I just need some time to think."

Quickly, she stands, grabs her backpack from Briar's bed, and rushes out of the room.

XXX 10:03 pm

Lying in her bed, knees drawn to her chest (a position she defaults to for comfort), her thumb hovers over Darling's number on her phone's screen. No matter how upset she is, she'd never betray Ashlynn's trust by telling somebody her secret. But she desperately needs someone right now, someone who will reassure her that everything will be okay. Raven's having a sleepover with Maddie tonight at the girl's dorm, and what better person is there to confide in than Darling anyway?

Praying that Darling isn't asleep, Apple presses the girl's number, turning the phone on speaker before setting it down next to her. Dependable as ever, Darling picks up after the second ring.

"Hey, Apple." Darling's gentle voice instantly sends a wave of relief through Apple. "Is everything okay?"

Apple swallows, taking a second to find her voice.

"Um…yeah, nothing is like really wrong with me. I just…"

Her throat suddenly tightens, tears stinging her eyes. Shit. She takes a deep breath and clears her throat, but as she continues, her resolve fades.

"I got into an argument with Ashlynn." She's suddenly crying, and she feels absolutely pathetic. She sniffs. "And I think Briar's upset with me too." Her voice is embarrassingly squeaky.

"Oh, Apple." Darling's voice is soft with sympathy. "It's alright. I'm sure everything will turn out okay. They love you so much."

Apple chokes back a sob, roughly swiping her fist over her eyes.

"I'm coming over," Darling says, her voice now filled with determination. "Just hang tight. I'll be right there."

Apple shakes her head, despite Darling not being able to see her.

"No!" she chokes out. "It's fine! It's really late!"

"It's not that late," Darling insists. "And besides…you're more important than the time." Her voice softens to barely more than a whisper. "And I'm worried about you."

Apple lets out a weak laugh, shortly followed by another sob. She sniffs. "I'm fine."

Darling sighs softly. "No you're not. Just let me help you, okay?"

Apple lets out a trembling sigh, finally giving in. "Okay."

She squeezes her eyes shut, trying to fight the sobs that continue to build in her throat. Of course she fails though, unable to calm down.

“Shhh…it’s okay,” Darling soothes.

Apple sniffs loudly, cheeks flushing with embarrassment at the volume.

"I'll see you in a minute, okay?" Darling assures.

"Okay," Apple croaks. "Bye."

"Bye."

Two minutes later, there's a gentle knocking on the door. On shaky legs, Apple makes her way across the room. As soon as she opens the door, Darling steps in and shuts the door. Immediately she pulls her into a tight hug. Apple clings to her friend, crying harder.

"It's okay," Darling whispers, running gentle fingers through Apple's curls. "I'm here."

After a couple minutes, Apple's sobs dwindle to hiccups and sniffles. Darling draws back slightly, eyes wide with concern as she looks at Apple. Ever so softly, she wipes the tears from Apple's cheeks with her thumbs.

"Wanna go lie down?" Darling suggests, her voice soft.

Apple sniffs, nodding. Darling puts her arm around her shoulders, guiding her to her bed. Lying down, head propped on one of Apple's pillows, Darling waves her hand, ushering Apple over.

Apple's cheeks suddenly burn as she settles next to Darling, leaving a couple inches of space between them. Her muscles tense, her heart beginning to pound. For some reason she feels even more overwhelmed than before. Darling reaches out, running her hand slowly through her hair and Apple, mind suddenly hazy, finds herself inching closer to her friend, eventually coming to rest against her side. With an exhausted sigh, her head drops to Darling's chest. Apple takes a moment to fully realize what she's just done, her face burning hotter with the revelation. Darling's arms are warm and tight around her, and she can feel the gentle beating of the girl's heart. She tenses again, eyes squeezed shut as she prays that Darling can't feel how fast her heart is pounding. But when the girl's fingers thread through her hair again, gliding through the damp tresses, Apple's muscles gradually relax.

They lie in silence for a few minutes, Darling's calm, steady presence gradually calming Apple down.

When her breathing has finally slowed, Darling softly speaks. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Apple sighs shakily, her anxiety beginning to rise again as she considers her answer. It's not so much her not wanting to talk about it as her not even knowing how she can. She can't give Darling any context, and even with context, her feelings about the matter are still a tangled knot sitting heavily in her chest. She feels so much (too much, really), but can barely begin to make sense of these feelings in her head, much less through words.

So, she says all that can come to her at this moment. "I royally messed up.”

Darling is silent, clearly waiting for Apple to continue, but Apple only sighs, nestling her face against the girl's shoulder. Darling apparently gets the message, going back to stroking Apple's hair, not saying a word. Apple closes her eyes, breathing in the calming scent of Darling's vanilla perfume. The silent support is nice, but Darling's arms around her are even nicer.

XXX

Apple avoids Ashlynn and Briar all weekend. She spends most of her time in her dorm with Darling and sometimes Raven, watching movies, playing board games, and of course doing schoolwork. Raven seems to know something is off with Apple, giving her questioning looks every so often, which Apple forces herself to ignore. There's also the nearly constant presence of Darling to confuse Raven. Apple has been hanging around Darling a lot lately and Darling is Raven's friend too, but she's never been at their dorm this much. But Raven never asks them about it, just joining in on their activities when she's there and not off with her other friends or Dexter.

Apple only encounters Briar once, in the bathroom. It's Sunday afternoon. She's washing her hands when Briar exits a stall. Both girls freeze, their eyes widening. Briar stares at her for a moment before drawing her phone from her pocket, clearly pretending to do something on it as a way to avoid interaction with Apple. It's not like Apple would initiate a conversation with her either right now, but Briar ignoring her still hurts. Other than the brief time they were in a disagreement during the Thronecoming fiasco, Briar has never flat out ignored her. She can tell there's no malice behind the girl's actions. She seems uncomfortable more than anything, like she's clueless about how to handle the situation (Apple can relate). But a flash of anger still sparks within her. With an irritated sigh, she turns the faucet off, grabbing a paper towel from the dispenser before stalking out of the room. She somewhat expects Briar to go after her, but even by the time Apple reaches the end of the hall, the girl hasn't left the bathroom.

XXX Monday January 28, 2018 7:55 am

By the time Monday comes around, it feels like both forever and a mere moment since Ashlynn's reveal at their girls' night. Apple of course shares most of her classes with both Ashlynn and Briar, as they're all destined to be future queens (although Briar and Ashlynn are very unlikely to go through with it).

Apple arrives at class early as always. The porridge and berries she forced down at breakfast sit like stones in her aching stomach. She really wishes that Darling was in Experimental Fairy Math with her, but Darling has Dragon Slaying for first period. After Apple had encouraged her a couple weeks ago to take a stand against her mother and take knight classes, Darling had switched from this class to the Dragon Slaying class. Of course Apple is happy for her friend and is incredibly proud of her for going against her mother's wishes, but today is a day she desperately wants Darling by her side.

She sits stiffly in her seat, eyes closed as she tries not to panic, counting her breaths in her head like Darling taught her. Thank goodness she’s the only student in the classroom, and Professor Fairyton is busy writing on the whiteboard. As she focuses on her breathing, she pictures Darling, the girl she's grown to care for so deeply in such a short amount of time—the softness of her blue eyes, the shine of her platinum hair, the gentle slope of her nose, the kindness of her smile. The image sends a gentle breeze of calm through her. She takes the first refreshing breath she has all morning, feeling for a moment that everything will turn out okay.

Then the bell rings, Apple's eyes snapping open as the sudden noise sends a jolt of shock through her. The temporary tranquility she'd felt is washed away by the wave of students entering the room. Quickly, she opens her notebook, writing the date in the upper right corner of a page. She's determined to ignore Briar and Ashlynn, fearing that even the sight of them will completely overwhelm her. It's not out of pettiness. She's genuinely terrified of how they'll react to her presence, especially Ashlynn. She knows she won't be able to bear seeing the girl upset with her, hurt by her, so she keeps her gaze on her notebook, only reluctantly looking up when Professor Fairyton begins to speak.

Apple takes even more notes than usual during the lecture. By the end of class, she's filled five pages and her hand hurts. After the bell rings she winces, shaking her aching hand, trying to release some of the tension. She managed to avoid seeing Ashlynn and Briar all class, looking only at the professor and her notebook. Usually she participates in class more than any other student, but she hadn't said a word today, making her classmates pick up the slack. She hasn't heard a peep from Briar or Ashlynn. A sudden thought occurs to her: maybe they're not here. Perhaps Ashlynn is experiencing morning sickness again. Apple frowns, hating the thought of her friend being in pain.

She intentionally packs up slowly, taking several seconds to "survey" the cover of each book before placing it in her backpack. At a leisurely pace, she zips it up and stands, dusting imaginary dirt off her cream-colored skirt before hoisting her bookbag up. Throwing it over her shoulder, she finally turns to face the door. But she hasn't even taken a step before she notices Ashlynn and Briar standing just outside the classroom. Briar has a slightly annoyed expression on her face, while Ashlynn is looking at the floor, absently twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Apple gulps, fear creeping up her chest and into her throat. She'd almost done it. She'd almost gotten through this class without seeing them. But she hadn't taken them waiting for her into account. She certainly hadn't expected it.

There's no turning back now though. She has to stay calm and rational, no matter how intense the panic rushing through her is. But of course she has to be suddenly hit with a wave of nausea. She stiffens, praying that she doesn't get sick. That would be even more embarrassing than having to fumble her way through a conversation with Ashlynn and Briar. She can't seem to get her limbs to work. All she appears to be capable of is standing there and staring at her friends. She hasn't felt this stupid since she was tricked into releasing the Evil Queen. She knows what she's supposed to do, what the right thing to do is, but she can't even take one step forward. Flames of frustration combine with the paralyzing panic within her.

She doesn't know how long she stands there before Briar waves her hand, ushering her over. The girl is definitely annoyed now. It's as if Apple’s body has turned to stone, but somehow she manages to slowly make her way toward her friends. Her heart thumps faster with every step. She feels like she's walking into a monster's lair. She distantly realizes how stupid that is. When have Briar or Ashlynn ever treated her with malice? But the fear is there, and it's all-consuming.

Eventually she's standing before her friends. The commotion of passing students is only a dull ring in the back of her mind. The pounding of her heart reverberates through her head. Her ears roar with the rapid flow of her blood. Ashlynn looks up then, tentatively meeting Apple's gaze. The unbridled fear and hurt Apple sees in her friend's eyes sends a sharp burst of pain through her heart. She caused it, didn't she? Forcing Ashlynn to open up, then having an outburst when the girl did. Avoiding her all weekend, refusing to look at her during class. In that moment, all Apple can think of is how much she hates herself.

"Apple…" Ashlynn's soft voice quakes. "Are…are you okay?"

Apple squeezes her eyes shut. Ashlynn is the one who's hurting, who's stuck in the midst of a life-changing situation she can't control, yet she's the one taking care of Apple. The boiling wave of self-loathing within Apple grows even higher. So, before it topples over and crashes, leaving her a sobbing mess, she turns around and runs, feeling more pathetic than she ever has.

XXX

Apple holes up in her dorm the rest of the day, skipping the rest of her classes. At first she just cries and cries, unable to stop. She ignores the constant buzzing of her phone, most likely Darling wondering why she isn’t in Princessology with her. All she can think of is how horrible of a person she is. She’s a terrible friend, a lousy daughter, a sorry excuse for a future queen. Most of all, she’s weak. Too weak to be there for her friend when she needs her most. When difficult situations and confusing emotions arise, she crumbles. And that’s what she hates the most about herself.

Darling comes to see her at lunch, bringing two trays of food, one for her and one for Apple. By then Apple has no tears left to shed. It’s mostly silent as they eat their lunches. Darling doesn’t barrage her with questions, and Apple appreciates that more than words could express. Darling leaves after lunch with a promise that she’s there if Apple needs her, and Apple hugs her for a long time (probably too long) before letting the girl leave for her next class. Raven is going out for hocus lattes with Dexter after school, but she calls Apple first to make sure she’s alright.

“Darling said you were stressed about all the schoolwork and said she helped you, but I just want to check in. I can come back if you need me. It’s really no problem.”

Apple smiles, touched by how much Raven cares about her.

“Thank you, Raven, but I’ll be alright.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll let you go now.”

“Alright. Let me know if you need something, okay?”

“I will. Have fun!”

“Thanks! See you later!”

“See you later!”

A few minutes later, Darling arrives, setting a folder with all of today’s homework down on Apple’s desk.

“Thank you sooo much, Darling!” Apple exclaims.

She jumps to her feet, bounding over to Darling. She pulls the knight into a tight embrace, sighing contentedly as Darling squeezes her back.

“Of course, Apple. I’d do anything for you.”

Apple’s cheeks burn, her stomach fluttering. She’s glad that the girl can’t see her face right now.

“I’d do anything for you too.”

She blushes harder at how squeaky her voice is. She clears her throat.

A few moments later, her cheeks begin to cool, so she deems it safe to pull back. She doesn’t want the hug to end, relishing the feeling of Darling’s arms around her, but it’s been a long time and it makes her nervous for some reason. Like she’s doing something wrong.

Just as Apple steps back, giving Darling a bright smile, a knocking on the door startles them, both girls flinching. Assuming it’s Raven and that the girl just forgot something, she goes to answer the door without a second thought. But as it opens and it’s not Raven, but Briar, an unmistakably angry expression on her face, Apple freezes. The panic from earlier returns, beginning to overwhelm her. Mind foggy with fear, she almost shuts the door, but then Briar is walking into the room, closing the door behind her. Apple braces herself for what Briar’s going to say, muscles so taut it feels like they’ll snap.

And her friend’s reaction is even worse than she expected. It’s like she’s an entirely different person. Not the lighthearted, good-natured girl she’s known and loved for as long as she can remember.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Briar’s voice is harsh, but not quite at yelling level.

Apple’s stomach drops, like she’s hurtling down a roller coaster, completely out of control. All she can do is stand there and face Briar’s tirade, the angry words that she knows she deserves. Her friend’s chest is heaving, her face flushed.

“I really thought you were over your whole holier-than-thou complex, but apparently not!” She scoffs. “How could you treat your friend like that?! How could you not support her during a time like this?!”

Now she looks near tears, and Apple feels even worse if that’s possible. Briar takes a deep, trembling breath before continuing. Her voice is quieter now, the pain she feels replacing her fury.

“God knows I’m not perfect…but I’d never do that to my friend.”

Apple flinches as Darling suddenly speaks. She forgot the girl was here.

“Briar, can you calm down please? Apple is sorry. She really is. She’s been so torn up over this. She—”

Briar turns to Apple, eyes blazing with rage. She cuts Darling off.

“You told her?!” she shrieks. “How could you betray Ashlynn like that?!”

“Told me what?” Darling asks, confusion evident in her voice.

Anger flares up in Apple then, quick as a flame sparking to life.

“Of course I didn’t! Do you really think so little of me?!” Tears are streaming down her face now, hot against her cheeks.

“No!” Briar roars, pointing at Apple, her finger shaking. “You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to play the victim! This isn’t about you! You are being so selfish!”

The room goes dead silent then. Apple bites down on her tongue as hard as she can, the metallic taste of blood filling her mouth. The battle to hold her sobs back is harder than it’s ever been. She knows she doesn’t deserve to cry right now, to present herself as the victim even if it’s unintentional. She knows that Briar is right, and her anger cools, the deep sorrow washing over her again. Looking at Briar’s bright red face and trembling body, she somehow finds her voice. It cracks and trembles, but it’s there.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Briar. I do want to be there for her! I promise I do!”

She can feel herself getting worked up again. She looks down, taking a moment to collect herself. It’s beyond difficult, but surprisingly she manages.

“I never meant to hurt her! I swear! I’ll do anything to make it right!”

Her voice breaks, traitorous tears filling her eyes once again.

Briar’s face is still taut with displeasure, but she’s softened considerably. Apple feels like she can finally take a breath, even if panic still rushes through her entire body. The three girls stand in tense silence for a moment before Briar finally speaks again. Hot has been replaced with cold.

“You’ll either support her without judgment. Or you’ll stay away from her.”

A chill spreads down Apple’s spine at the iciness in Briar’s voice. She gulps, clearing her throat before answering, her voice small and brittle. “Understood.”

“Good." Briar’s voice is still cold, so unlike her usual warm tone.

It disturbs Apple. She’s never seen this version of her friend before, and it chills her to her core.

When Briar leaves, shutting the door behind her, Apple finally allows herself to cry. Darling’s arms are immediately around her, the only thing holding her up, and she lets her friend comfort her, even though she knows she doesn’t deserve it.

XXX

It’s a couple days before Apple finally gathers the courage to face Ashlynn. They haven’t spoken again, ignoring each other in classes. Apple senses no hostility from the girl, but then again, she hasn’t even been within 10 feet of her. Her friend could very well be as furious as Briar. Briar ignores Apple as well, but her rage seems to have cooled, and she looks regretful on the few occasions they accidentally make eye contact. Maybe Apple is just imagining it.

XXX Wednesday January 30, 2018 4:07 pm

Apple takes deep, shaky breaths, trying to quell the trembling throughout her body as she nears Ashlynn’s and Briar’s dorm.

“Come on, Apple,” she hisses. “Stop being so weak!”

She squeezes her eyes shut, fear coursing through her like an electrical charge as she raises a shaking fist, knocking gently on the door. She has no time to gather herself, as Briar opens the door only a few seconds later. She’s dressed more casually than she was in classes, wearing a magenta crop top and ripped jean shorts, despite the fact that it’s the middle of winter. Apple somewhat expects Briar to chew her out again, but the girl’s expression is neutral.

“You’re here to talk to Ashlynn?” Her tone is flat, neither good nor bad.

Apple nods, unable to find her voice. Briar’s presence is intimidating her, and she hates that her own BFFA is having this effect on her. Are they even BFFAs anymore? Her eyes burn at the thought of their lifelong friendship being over.

But as Briar leaves the room to give Apple and Ashlynn privacy, she gives Apple’s hand a quick squeeze, and Apple almost sobs with relief.

“Come in.”

Apple starts as Ashlynn speaks. Like Briar, the tone of her voice is neutral, but still holds a trace of her trademark softness. Apple hadn’t even noticed the girl, too immersed in her interaction with Briar. She quickly composes herself.

She clears her throat, willing her voice to come out normally. “Alright.”

She steps into the room, shutting the door behind her. The walk to Ashlynn’s bed somehow feels both too slow and too fast. When Apple reaches the girl’s bed, she hovers awkwardly, attempting to subtly observe her friend’s expression. It also matches Briar’s. Not visibly upset, but not happy either like it usually is when she greets Apple.

“You can sit down.” Ashlynn’s tone is the same as before.

Apple swallows, acknowledging the girl with a nod as she takes a seat far closer to the edge of the bed than she usually would. There’s a moment of silence then, so tense that Apple can feel the weight of it pressing in on her.

She flinches when Ashlynn suddenly speaks.

“Are you going to say anything?” The girl’s voice is still fairly nonchalant, but Apple can sense a slight undercurrent of insecurity.

Apple swallows again, nodding. She takes a deep, quivering breath, preparing herself for the speech she’s rehearsed so many times throughout the last couple of days.

“Ashlynn, I am so, so sorry. I was incredibly insensitive. Forcing you to open up was very out of line, and my reaction when you did…” She forces her voice not to crack, taking a quick pause to collect herself. “It is inexcusable. No matter how shocked I was, you’re my friend and I should’ve provided you with the utmost support and understanding from the get-go. I made the situation about myself, about my own insecurities, and that was so incredibly wrong of me.”

She chances a look at Ashlynn. No prominent emotion is on the girl’s face, but she’s chewing on her lip, as if holding something back. Words or sobs or even a tirade like Briar’s (or worse). Not knowing only intensifies Apple’s panic, but she recites her new mantra in her head: Don’t make this about yourself. And with a deep, trembling breath, her resolve returns.

“I don’t expect you to accept my apology. I understand if you never do. But still…I want to apologize for everything I did to hurt you. I truly am so, so sorry.”

Now, with her speech completed, she forces herself to meet Ashlynn’s eyes. To her horror, they’re glistening with tears. When the girl speaks, her voice is so small that Apple struggles to hear her. She does though, and the words slice through her heart like a knife.

“You think I’m a slut.”

Apple gasps. A tear drips from Ashlynn’s eye, rolling down her cheek. Apple longs to reach out and wipe it away, but she knows that she hasn’t earned that right back yet.

“No!” she insists, her voice urgent. “I don’t! I promise I don’t!”

Ashlynn doesn’t look quite convinced, but she stays silent. Rivers of tears are streaming down her face now, and Apple can feel her heart breaking.

Ashlynn sighs shakily before speaking again.

“I didn’t want to tell you right away because…” She pauses, as if gathering the courage to say what she’s planning to.

Apple clenches her jaw, knowing that it’s not going to be good. Ashlynn squeezes her eyes shut before blurting it out.

“Because I knew you’d react that way!” Her eyes widen, like she’s surprised she managed to get the words out.

Apple freezes, feeling absolutely gutted. Shame and self-hatred simmer in her chest like boiling water. Ashlynn bites her lip, brow creasing with concern for a moment, but she closes her eyes, clearly garnering the resolve she needs to continue speaking.

Her eyes open a few seconds later and she proceeds, feelings she’d usually conceal for fear of hurting her friend, gushing out in large waves.

“I get scared to tell you things sometimes because I know you’ll judge me. It’s not that I don’t trust you. You always follow through. It’s just that…” Her next words are scarcely more than a whisper, her voice suddenly hoarse. “I’m scared of you being disappointed in me.”

With that final admission out in the open, Ashlynn bursts into tears, hands immediately flying up to cover her face. The pain of doing this to her friend, of making her feel this way, is overwhelming Apple, the boiling water of shame growing hotter and hotter until she feels like it's suffocating her. But her mantra echoes through her head. This isn’t about her. This is about Ashlynn. Her friend who needs her now more than she ever has.

The fear of not being entitled to touch Ashlynn flying out the window, Apple throws her arms around her friend, pulling her into a crushing embrace. Surprise and, most of all, relief rushes through her when the girl hugs her back, squeezing just as tightly. Forcing her own intense emotions down, Apple speaks, her voice soft but filled with conviction.

“I am not disappointed in you, Ashlynn. I absolutely promise you that.” She pauses for a moment to take a breath, to ensure that she’s coming off as calm, before continuing. “You are a kind, loving, compassionate, talented, and all-around amazing person. I am so incredibly proud of the person you are, and I could never be disappointed in you. I swear.”

Feeling that there’s nothing important left to say, Apple grows quiet, focusing on comforting Ashlynn through her touch. She rubs her back and strokes her hair, doing her best to radiate all the love that she feels for her friend.

“I’m so scared!” Ashlynn sobs. “I’m so scared, Apple!”

Apple’s eyes burn with tears at the fear in the girl’s voice. She holds her even tighter, gently pressing her lips to the top of her head.

“Everything is going to be okay,” she murmurs. “I promise. I’m here now. I've got you.”

XXX December 22, 2020 (Present Time) 5:37 pm

“Hey, Apple?”

Apple looks up from the cookie cutter she’s pressing into the dough, frowning as she realizes Ashlynn’s predicament. The girl is struggling to balance the three trays of unbaked cookies she’s holding.

Ashlynn giggles sheepishly. “Apparently I overestimated the amount of trays I can hold at once. Would you mind taking one of them and putting it in the oven?”

Apple jumps to her feet, chuckling as she carefully draws one of the trays from Ashlynn’s grasp.

“Of course, Ash.” She smiles warmly at her friend as she carries the tray over to the oven. The sound of Willow’s cheerful laughter from the living room (she’d eventually grown tired of making cookies) as Darling and Briar play with her brightens her smile even further. “I’ve got you.”

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 28: This is Home)

TW: mention of SA

Monday December 21, 2020 7:06 am

Darling wakes up to the sound of the shower running. She’s always been an exceptionally light sleeper, and even more so when she’s stressed. As of now, she’s the most anxious she’s ever been. She considers drifting back off, but when she glances at the alarm clock and sees that it’s already past seven, she forces herself to get up. It’s not like she has an excuse to sleep in; she only had one shot of whiskey last night. Other than the exhaustion she’s always filled with lately, she feels fine. So, with a heavy sigh, she gets out of bed and slowly makes her way to the kitchen. Apple has to go do her queenly duties today at the castle, so the least Darling can do is make her breakfast. Fortunately, Raven is sleeping in the guest room instead of on the couch, so she doesn’t need to worry too much about making noise.

As she looks at the contents of the refrigerator (she definitely needs to go grocery shopping), she decides to make waffles. It might be a bit elaborate for an ordinary morning, but her girlfriend deserves only the best.

XXX 7:24 am

Apple walks into the kitchen, looking as classy as ever in a simple but elegant light pink dress. Darling can see the glint of a silver bracelet under the long sleeve. Even when it’s barely visible, Apple loves to wear this bracelet. It’s the present Darling gave her for their first anniversary. There’s a pearl embedded in the band that delighted Apple the second she saw it. Having ample money to spend (perks of being royalty), she’s continued to gift Apple with silver jewelry for every birthday, Christmas, anniversary, and self-made celebration ever since, along with other gifts.

Darling’s mother had wanted to disinherit her after she came out, but her father had refused. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, as Apple has more than a lifetime’s supply of money and they moved in together right after high school, but Darling would still feel like she’s mooching off of her. So, she’s extremely grateful for the continued flow of cash and the opportunity to spoil her girlfriend as much as she wants. Darling doesn’t need to work, of course, but her police officer internship she currently has is paid. Her employer has been extremely generous with giving her time off since Dexter’s accident, but she’s going to have to go back this Wednesday. She also has three classes tomorrow and a load of homework to catch up on. Criminal justice is not the easiest degree, but serving and protecting her community matters deeply to her. She can't wait until she graduates and starts police academy training.

“Did I wake you up? I’m sorry, sweetie.”

Darling is jolted from her stream of thoughts by Apple’s sweet voice. Darling nearly groans at her own stupidity. How could you forget to greet your girlfriend, you dolt?! Her brain mocks her, but that’s nothing new. It doesn’t matter. She smiles warmly at her girlfriend, the love she feels for her overpowering any negative thought in her head.

“No sweetie, you didn’t. My body just doesn’t like sleeping past seven.”

It’s a half truth, and white lies don’t bother Darling if they spare a person’s feelings, especially when that person is her girlfriend. She knows all too well that Apple beats herself up over every little thing, so she does what she can to make things easier for the girl.

The frown on Apple’s face is replaced with a bright grin. “Good! Ooh, waffles! Thank you so much, my love!”

She rushes forward, planting a quick kiss on Darling’s lips before grabbing the plate she prepared for her. Darling wishes that the kiss would have lasted longer, but Apple is in a rush.

“Of course I had to oversleep today,” Apple grumbles. She waits to swallow before adding, “There’s a big council meeting today. And of course it has to be three days before Christmas! Suits my mother just fine because she doesn’t give a crap about Christmas, or family, or happiness."

Darling’s eyes widen. Apple has her fair share of issues with her mother, but rarely is she this negative. Darling doesn’t blame her at all, but it’s still strange to hear her girlfriend talk like that. Apple goes silent as she eats her waffles as quickly as she can without being rude. The frown on her face makes Darling’s heart ache.

“I’m sorry, baby,” she says, her voice soft.

She wants to reassure her, but she’s not sure what else to say. It’s not like Apple can get out of the meeting. The girl would never hear the end of it from Snow. She grins as an idea pops into her head.

“I’ll make your favorite dish for dinner tonight!" she exclaims, hoping that will cheer Apple up.

Apple turns to Darling, a weary smile on her face. “It’s okay, Darling. You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” Darling assures her.

Apple thinks for a moment, her brow creased and lips pursed, before nodding.

“Okay. Thank you, love. You’re the best.”

That puts an even brighter smile on Darling’s face.

“No, you’re the best.”

XXX 8:05 am

Darling breathes in the crisp winter morning air, sneakers crunching against the thin layer of snow on the sidewalk. She knows that there's a slipping hazard, but running on the treadmill just doesn't compare to the satisfaction of running outside. The emerald of the frosty evergreen trees flashing past her, the melodic chirping of the birds, the refreshing chill of the light breeze-none of that can be experienced on a treadmill. Most people steer clear of the cold, but Darling relishes it, not minding the numbness that rises in her face and hands. An upbeat pop ballad plays through her earbuds, steadily increasing the energy coursing through her. She looks at her surroundings as she runs, taking in the vivid blue of the clear sky, the sun shining through, warming her face slightly. The weather has been so gloomy lately that a beautiful morning like this is enough to raise her spirits a little.

She's so immersed in the bliss of the moment that she yelps at the sudden ringing of her phone through her Bluetooth earbuds. She quickly looks around, relieved when she sees nobody's around. That would've been embarrassing. Taking her phone from her pocket, she sees that it's Holly calling. She answers the call before shoving it back in her pocket.

"Hey, Holly," she says, hoping she doesn't sound too winded.

She hasn't run in a week, so her stamina isn't as high as usual.

"Hey, Darling!" Holly exclaims, cheerful as ever. "How are you? Are you at the gym? I can call back later!"

Well, apparently Darling does sound winded.

"I'm good," Darling replies between heavy breaths. "How are you? No, it's okay. We can talk!"

Holly giggles. "I'm good! Okay, as long as it doesn't kill you!"

Darling rolls her eyes, but can't hold back a giggle of her own.

"Shut up," she quips.

Holly laughs. "Alright, alright! So…I was wondering if you wanted to go to the mall later if you're not too busy. I still have some last minute Christmas shopping to do, and I figured you must too with how busy you've been. So I thought we could shop and do some other fun mall things too! That is, if you're available."

Darling detects a sudden trace of nervousness in Holly's voice.

"I'm not busy," she assures her friend.

That's not quite the truth. She's still got that load of homework waiting for her. But the amount of time she gets to spend with Holly is limited, so she better make the most of it while the girl is staying in town.

"I'd love to go to the mall with you! And you're right, I do have more than a little bit of Christmas shopping left to do."

Holly squeals. "Yay!"

Darling chuckles. The girl's constant enthusiasm is adorable. She's never lost her childlike wonder, and that's one of the things Darling loves about her.

"Let me just finish my run and take a shower, and I can pick you up in about an hour? The mall shouldn't be too crowded this early."

"Sounds good!" Holly agrees. "No rush though!"

"Alright. I'll see you then. Bye, Holly!"

"Bye, Darling!"

The pop music resumes as Holly hangs up. Darling grins. This should be fun.

XXX 9:12 am

"Hey, Darling!" Holly exclaims as she gets into Darling’s car, shutting the door behind her.

"Hey!" Darling cheerfully replies.

Holly grins, pulling Darling into a tight hug. They're positioned awkwardly with the console between them, but the embrace is warm and snug and that's what matters. They pull back a moment later. Darling gives Holly a bright smile before starting the car.

XXX 10:17 am

"You think she'll like this?" Darling asks, holding up a necklace for Holly to see.

It's a silver chain with a sparkly white snowflake pendant. Holly's eyes widen, a delighted smile forming on her face.

"That's gorgeous, Darling!" she exclaims.

Darling grins. "You think so?"

Holly giggles. "Well, she's your girlfriend, but honestly she'd have to be crazy to not love that necklace!"

Darling chuckles. "I mean, it is really pretty. Okay, I'll get it! You ready to check out, or do you want to look around the store more?"

"No, we can check out," Holly replies.

Her enthusiastic tone is suddenly gone, her voice now neutral as she continues to gaze at the necklace in Darling's hands.

"Okay," Darling says, feeling a bit awkward. "Let's go then."

She walks toward the register, pretending not to notice the way Holly eyes the necklace, an unreadable expression on her face.

XXX 10:31 am

Holly is back to her usual chipper self as she zig zags around the arts and crafts store, skipping from display to display.

"Oh my godmother, Poppy will love this!" she exclaims, holding up a plastic case of variously sized paintbrushes.

Darling chuckles. "Those are really nice! So, what does Poppy paint with the most?"

"Watercolors," Holly replies, reading the label on the back of the case.

Hairstyling is still Poppy's main pastime, as well as her career, but she's become quite passionate about painting in the last few years. That girl is a creative genius. Darling honestly envies her a bit. She wishes she was a better artist. Apple and her friends insist that she's great at drawing, but she's not so sure.

Turning her attention back to Holly, she says, "I'd love to see some of her art."

"She's kinda shy about it, surprisingly," Holly answers. "But she probably wouldn't mind if I sent you a few pictures. For a friend like you, I bet she'll let it slide."

She gives Darling a cheeky grin and a wink. Darling giggles.

"Well, I'd be honored!"

XXX 11:32 am

Naturally, after they've finished their shopping, they end up in the mall's bookstore. As they walk in, Darling breathes in the scent of cinnamon. A Christmas tree glows in the corner, colorful lights twinkling. The mall is always so beautifully decorated at Christmas time. 

"Ooh, it's a new release by Nelly Kingston!" Holly exclaims.

She runs to a display stand, picking up a copy of the book, bouncing with excitement as she pages through it. She turns to Darling, her blue-green eyes shining.

"How did I not know she'd written a new book?!" the girl exclaims.

Darling laughs. "I really don't know. Maybe you're losing your game, O'Hair."

Holly gasps in faux offense, clapping her hand against her chest. "Well, Ms. Charming, I never!"

XXX 11:58 am

By the time Darling and Holly make their way out of the store, Darling's bought four books and Holly's bought eight.

"You sure are a crazy one, O'Hair," Darling chuckles.

Holly scoffs. "As if! I know for a fact that you have 20 swords, and 12 are just for decoration!"

As the girls look at each other, they burst into laughter. Darling, lost in her amusement, almost crashes into a man. She yelps.

"I'm so sorry!" she exclaims.

He grunts and gives her a glare before stalking away. Once he's (hopefully) out of earshot, laughter once again consumes Darling and Holly.

Holly smirks. "Well, wasn't he just the sweetest thing!"

Darling snorts. Embarrassed, she looks around, hoping nobody heard that. She can't help but continue to laugh though as Holly smiles brightly and giggles. As the girls' laughter finally fades out, Darling speaks.

"I'm starved! Wanna go to the food court?"

As if on cue, Holly's stomach growls loudly. And that of course sets them off into another bout of laughter.

XXX 12:43 pm

After Darling and Holly finish their lunch, they walk past the shops again, seeing if anything strikes their fancy. Even though they’ve finished their shopping and had lunch, neither girl wants to leave, trying to find any excuse to stay longer.

Suddenly, Holly gasps. Darling flinches, startled by the sudden noise.

“Look!” Holly exclaims.

She follows Holly’s pointing. Darling snorts as her eyes land on the carousel. Its intricate designs are dazzling in the colorful glow of its lights. Jubilant carnival music plays through its speakers. Darling turns to Holly. The girl is beaming, her eyes wide as she gazes at the carousel. If they were in a cartoon, there would definitely be stars in her eyes.

“The carousel? What about it?” Darling tries to sound nonchalant, despite knowing what Holly is going to say next.

“Let’s ride it! It’ll be just like when I was a kid! Poppy and I loved carousels so much!”

Darling raises an eyebrow. “Wait, you’re not a kid? I could’ve sworn you were a kid.”

Holly lightly slaps her arm. “Oh stop it, you!”

Holly can’t hide the amused grin on her face though, and neither can Darling. Holly turns to her, crossing her arms, a smug expression on her face.

“Admit it. You want to ride the carousel.”

Darling scoffs, waving her hand dramatically. “As if!”

She clenches her teeth, fighting the urge to laugh. Holly isn’t so successful, a giggle escaping her. She turns back to the carousel, which is currently spinning. The gleeful laughter of children fills the air.

“Ooh, there’s a horse! With armor! A noble steed for Darling the Knight!”

Darling presses her lips tightly together, refusing to smile. She points to another horse.

“Ooh, there’s a horse with long-ass hair!”

Holly snorts, but quickly composes herself, giving Darling a disapproving look. “Darling, there are children right over there!”

Darling waves her hand dismissively. “They’re far away, and they can’t hear me over the music anyway.”

Holly tuts, clearly fighting the urge to laugh. “Still…you ought to watch your language, Ms. Charming. You are a knight after all.”

“You’d be surprised by the potty mouths on some knights,” Darling counters.

Holly raises an eyebrow. “Is that so? Well, I’d love to meet them sometime.”

“That can be arranged.”

Both girls finally allow themselves to laugh as the carousel comes to a stop and the kids dismount from their seats. As they begin to filter away with their parents, Holly rushes over to the carousel, a spring in her step. Darling follows, suddenly feeling a little embarrassed as she joins Holly by the employee manning the station. There are a few other kids in line. A little girl looks at her. Though there’s nothing judgemental in her expression, Darling averts her gaze, turning back to Holly who’s paying the employee. Darling gasps, panic rushing through her, as she realizes what’s happening.

‘Holly!” she exclaims. “I’m paying!”

Holly turns to Darling, rolling her eyes. “Come on Darling, you paid for lunch! This is only four dollars! Let me do it please.”

She gives Darling her best puppy dog eyes, blinking innocently. Darling sighs, now deeming it wisest to let Holly pay. She doesn’t want to cause any tension between them. This has been such a fun day.

“Fineee,” Darling relents.

Holly grins. She hands the money to the employee who’s looking at them a bit strangely, his eyebrows slightly raised.

As she and Holly board the carousel, Darling focuses on Holly and Holly only, worried that the gazes of children and their parents will be on her. She mounts the armored horse. Holly mounts the seat next to Darling, a blue and green seahorse. As Holly settles in her seat, she smiles at Darling.

“It’s not the horse with the super long hair, but I do love seahorses!”

Darling chuckles. “Of course you do. You love every animal.”

Holly scoffs. “Well, can you blame me?! They’re all so amazing!”

“Not spiders,” Darling interjects.

“Yes spiders!” Holly refutes.

“No spiders!”

“Yes spiders!”

They’re cut off by the movement of the carousel as it slowly begins to spin, the music suddenly blaring through the speakers above them.

“Whee!” Holly exclaims.

She’s not being too loud fortunately, but Darling can’t help still feeling a bit insecure. There can’t be many 20 year olds who ride the carousel. But surprisingly as the carousel starts rotating faster and the rhythm of the cheerful music begins to thrum through Darling, her anxiety starts to fade. When Holly looks at her, eyes bright and a dazzling smile on her face, Darling can begin to feel her friend’s exhilaration. This is like being a kid again. Even if it’s only for a couple minutes, being back in this state of mind where everything is a new wonder waiting to be explored fills her with a warm contentment.

XXX 1:01 pm

Darling and Holly make one more stop, this time at the candy store.

“Oh kingdoms, they have everything here!” Holly exclaims, skipping from aisle to aisle.

Darling peruses the store, on the lookout for all of Apple’s favorite candies. Thankfully there are no other customers in the store, so she and Holly have free reign. She’s delighted to find all of Apple’s top favorites: gummy bears, peach rings, Redvines, Swedish Fish, and Kit Kats. She picks up bags of each. Holly’s eyes widen as she looks over at her.

“Woah, Darling! I thought I was the candy fanatic here!”

Darling chuckles. “These are for Apple mostly. And I do like candy. Just not as much as you. I don’t think anybody likes candy as much as you.”

Holly sticks her tongue out at her. Darling sticks her tongue out back. They stop when they notice the cashier looking at them strangely. Darling flushes slightly. They’re really weirding out these mall employees today. She can’t help but giggle at the thought. Darling is usually one to keep a low profile, but being goofy with Holly today has been nothing short of exhilarating. She wishes they didn’t have to leave after this. But her schoolwork awaits.

XXX 4:12 pm

Darling is so deep in the trenches of essay writing that she doesn’t realize how late it’s gotten until she feels the vibration of her phone on the table. She starts, pulled from her stupor by the sudden motion. She picks up her phone, and when she realizes it’s a text from Daring, her heart plummets to her stomach. The rush of terror surging through her only begins to slowly fade when she opens the text and sees that all is well. Dexter isn’t dead. She breathes out a heavy sigh.

[Daring 4:12 pm] Hey sis, Dexter is being moved to the memory loss ward tonight and I thought we could surprise him with some board games and hot chocolate. Sound good? ;)

Darling chuckles, starting to calm down. Daring always ending his texts with a winking emoticon never fails to amuse her. She immediately types back.

[Darling 4:13 pm] Sounds great! I can pick you up at 6:15. Sound good? ;)

She giggles, unable to resist adding a winking emoticon of her own. Speech bubbles instantly appear as Daring begins to type. His reply appears a few seconds later.

[Daring 4:14 pm] You know it queen!

She rolls her eyes.

[Darling 4:14 pm] I’m not going to call you king, if that's what you’re hoping for. 🙁

His reply is nearly instantaneous.

[Daring 4:14 pm] This is harassment!!!

Darling snorts. She happens to glance at the time on her phone and gasps.

“Oh shit!” she exclaims. “Apple! Dinner!”

She sends Daring a quick text.

[Darling 4:15 pm] Gotta run!

Then, placing her phone down, she hurries into the kitchen. She quickly grabs all the ingredients she needs for lasagna. She’s made the dish so many times, she goes on autopilot now.

She’s so zoned out that she doesn’t realize Raven is in the kitchen until the girl is directly in front of her. She gasps in alarm, instinctively backing away.

“Sorry,” Raven apologizes. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

The girl looks better than earlier, but the aftereffects of the insane amount of alcohol she drank last night is still apparent. Her eyes are dull, ringed by dark circles, and her face is even paler than usual.

Darling clears her throat. “It’s alright. I’m just making lasagna. Apple’s favorite, you know?”

Raven gives her a small smile. “Don’t I know it.”

Darling smiles back. The girls then fall into an awkward silence, only broken by the sound of Darling stirring the pasta.

About a minute passes, and Darling knows she has to say something.

She clears her throat again. "So, are you feeling better?"

Raven chuckles nervously. "Yeah, I am."

She sighs deeply, squeezing her eyes shut for a second before focusing her gaze on Darling.

"About that…I have a lot of apologies to give for last night, and I'd like to do yours now." She sighs again, looking at the floor for another second before facing Darling again.

Darling's instinct is to open her mouth and insist that Raven has nothing to apologize for. She's going through a huge rough patch, it's completely understandable, don't worry about it. But as Raven begins to speak again, Darling stays silent.

"I never should've gotten that drunk. And–and acting the way I did once I was drunk is still not excusable. It doesn't matter how drunk I was. I shouldn't have left you guys and been so irresponsible."

Raven lets out a shaky sigh, fists clenched as she takes a second to gather herself. Darling feels the urge to reach out, place her hand on her friend’s shoulder for reassurance, but she feels frozen in place as the girl continues her apology.

"I don't remember everything that happened. I'm sure there are other bad things I did. But I'm sorry for anything offensive I did. I hope you can forgive me. I'll try my best to never do something like that again." Darling wonders then how much Raven remembers about the man who assaulted her, or if she remembers at all. Hopefully she doesn’t. Darling still feels sick when she thinks of him, and then the fury returns, the urge to chop off his manhood.

Raven looks down again and rubs her arm, a nervous habit of hers. Darling blinks, pulled from her stupor by the anxiety she feels emanating from her friend.

"It's alright, Raven," she reassures, tentatively setting her hand on the girl's shoulder.

She's relieved when Raven doesn't flinch away.

"Thank you for apologizing,” she continues, “but it's hardly your fault. None of us are going to hold it against you. I promise."

She gives Raven's shoulder a squeeze. She can feel the tension recede from her friend’s frame. Did Raven really think we were mad at her? Darling questions in her head. I don't know why she'd think that. I guess she's just really insecure in general right now with everything that’s going on. Looking at the slight crease of Raven's brow that remains, Darling decides to change the subject.

"Did you hear the new song by the Frivolous Friars yet? I thought it was great!"

Raven's face lights up slightly, and Darling considers this a win.

"Yeah, I listened to it this afternoon! It's a bop!"

Darling chuckles. "Totally a bop!"

Raven then goes on to explain all the musical nuances in the song and why the writers are geniuses, and Darling listens contentedly, happy that she cheered her friend up.

XXX 5:11 pm

When Darling hears the front door open and shut, she scrambles to place the lasagna on the kitchen table. As soon as she sets the tray down, she sprints back to the kitchen to grab the silverware and napkins.

When Apple enters the kitchen a minute later, Darling is standing by the table, hoping that she looks prepared for her girlfriend's arrival. It's not like Apple would care either way, but Darling wants this dinner to be perfect. Apple deserves nothing less. The exhaustion is clear on Apple's face, but she still smiles when she sees Darling. Darling surges forward, enveloping the girl in her arms before drawing her into a kiss. The kiss is gentle, filled with a deep caring, but the passion is palpable. Apple's soft, sweet lips melt all of Darling's worries away. Even when they pull away a few moments later, the peace the kiss gave Darling remains, and she hopes it's doing the same for her girlfriend.

"Hello, my love!" Darling exclaims, unable to resist giving Apple's cheek a peck.

Apple giggles, her expression far more relaxed as she reciprocates the affection, pressing her lips to Darling's shoulder.

"Hello, sweetness!" Apple replies as she pulls back a moment later, her voice warm with adoration.

Darling's instinct is to ask the girl how her day was, but Apple looks so much happier now with her work day behind her that Darling decides the question can wait. For now, she wants to sweep her girlfriend off her feet the way she does so well.

XXX 6:22 pm

After a lovely dinner with Apple, Darling feels a pang of sadness at leaving her, but she knows that her evening with Dexter and Darling will be fun. So, she kisses her girlfriend, hoping that all the passion and love she feels for the girl is conveyed through her touch.

"Have fun, sweetie!" Apple exclaims, as Darling opens the door.

Darling grins at the girl. "I will! You relax, okay? Maybe watch some Gilmore Girls with Raven?"

Apple smiles brightly. "That sounds like a great idea, hon! I love you!"

Darling's grin widens. "I love you too!"

XXX 6:56 pm

The memory loss ward is filled with dozens of blank faces, patients ambling aimlessly through the halls. Darling tries not to let the sight dampen her mood, but she can't pretend it doesn't hurt to see all these people so lost in their own minds, consumed by the darkness of their erased memories. She can't even imagine the fear and helplessness of your mind being a blank slate, the emptiness it must come with. At least Dexter has memories. She shudders at the thought of him remembering nothing. Looking at all these disoriented people, she realizes just how much of a miracle Dexter remembering her is and feels a little ashamed that she didn’t acknowledge that until now.

XXX 7:14 pm

Dexter's room is like a sanctuary after the sea of fear and hopelessness she'd encountered in the main area of the ward.

"But Sorry is so boring!" she insists, as Daring and Dexter set up the game on the small table in the corner of the room.

Both boys roll their eyes.

"We gettt it! Darling is too much of a genius for kids games blah blah blah!" Daring snarks.

Now it's Darling's turn to roll her eyes. "Oh, shut up!"

Dexter begins to laugh, more genuinely than he has since the accident, and this is enough for Darling to drop her act. The happiness is so consuming that all the sarcastic retorts in her mind fade away. She skips over to Dexter, giving him a quick hug before sitting across from him. As she helps set up the game, she glances over at Daring. His bright smile is identical to hers. Nothing about this memory loss situation is easy, but at the end of the day, they're still together. To support each other. To love each other. And of course to have fun together.

XXX 7:47 pm

After they finish playing Sorry (Darling won by a landslide, and Daring only pretends to care), a nurse brings them mugs of hot chocolate.

"Here you go, dears," she says, her voice soft as she places a steaming mug before each of them.

"Thank you so much!" they exclaim, practically in unison.

The nurse whose name tag says Allison grins at them, her azure eyes sparkling.

"Of course! It's such a cold night! Hot chocolate for all!"

They all laugh.

Allison smiles warmly. "You sweethearts enjoy, alright?"

"We will!" they exclaim.

"Thanks again!" Darling adds, as Allison leaves the room, light brown curls bouncing as she walks.

As the door shuts behind Allison, they dive into their hot chocolates. Daring finishes his almost instantly.

"You've got something there," Darling tells him, pointing to her upper lip.

Daring swipes his finger over his upper lip, and as his finger gets coated in whipped cream, he rolls his eyes.

"How did I not see that coming?" he mutters.

Darling and Dexter laugh. Daring licks his finger.

"Eww!" Darling shrieks. "Daring, you didn't sanitize!"

Daring waves his hand dismissively. "I'll be fine. I got my flu shot."

"The flu isn't the only illness you can catch!" Darling refutes. "Especially in a hospital!"

Dexter watches them, eyes bright with amusement.

"This is the memory loss ward, Darling!" Daring exclaims. "Nobody is ill here!"

Darling shrugs. "Well, at least I don't have to take care of you if you get sick."

Daring makes puppy dog eyes at her. "You wouldn't even bring me soup?"

"Nope," Darling replies.

Daring shakes his head. "What a sorry excuse for a sister."

The three siblings look at each other and laugh.

After their laughter peters out, Darling gives her brothers a cocky grin. "Boys, you know I'm the best."

She throws her head back, taking a sip of hot chocolate like it's a shot. Hot chocolate is far preferable to alcohol. And being with her brothers, experiencing nothing but pure joy, is far preferable to drinking at a loud, crowded bar. This is home.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 27: Familiar)

TW for SA (very mild depiction) and vomit (mild).

December 20, 2020 7:15 pm

Raven hears Apple take a deep breath before gently knocking on the bathroom door.

"Hey, Raven? Are you almost ready, hon?"

Raven can tell that Apple is doing everything she can to remain calm. It's 15 minutes until Raven is scheduled to be onstage at the Rosy Phoenix Pub. The pub is 10 minutes away, and Apple despises being late. Usually Raven would care about arriving to her own show on time, but no matter how hard she tries to stay positive, every time she pictures herself on that stage, the wood of the guitar warm against her sweaty hands, an overwhelming sense of dread fills her. It’s not stage fright, she knows that. She never feels this way before a show. This is a new feeling, among an arcade of other foreign feelings that have invaded her system since the day she discovered that Dexter, her boyfriend of four years, the man she loves more than anything, has no memories of her.

So, as much her mind screams at her to answer Apple, to exit the bathroom with a smile on her face, she stays glued to the spot, her knuckles ghostly white as she grips the sink. Her stomach churns with nausea. She doesn’t know how she’s going to pull this performance off. Being on the stage, spotlights illuminating her sunken eyes, sounds like an unreachable goal. Even leaving the bathroom sounds exhausting. There’s no way she can do this. Not tonight. She doesn’t want to tell Apple, though. She doesn’t want to tell anybody. She just wants to sink into the floor, curl up underground until it’s too late to do the performance.

“Raven.” Apple’s voice is gentle, but there’s an unmistakable undercurrent of sternness. “I know you’re feeling terrible right now and I’m so so sorry. But I really think you need to do this. You love music, you love to perform, and I think even if this won’t really make anything better, just feeling that-that passion that you have for music will be good for you.” Her voice grows quiet then, the conviction fading. “So please…come out. I’m here for you, and I’ll be in the front row cheering you on. I promise.”

Raven’s eyes squeeze shut. This internal battle—to go back to sleep and let Apple down, let everybody down, or to go through what sounds like an agonizing chore—only escalates her nausea. But then Apple speaks again, her voice so soft yet so desperate, and something inside Raven melts.

“Raven…please.”

Raven takes a deep trembling breath. It takes all the strength she has left to stand up straight and open that bathroom door, but she does it anyway. As soon as the door swings open, she only sees a blur of blonde curls before Apple has her arms wrapped tightly around her. Raven stiffens for a second, both startled by the sudden affection and not really in the mood to be touched (she rarely is these days). But Apple’s body is warm, she smells like cinnamon, and most of all, she’s familiar. So much of Raven’s life now feels strange and wrong, an unbeaten trail she has no desire to tread. But Apple is like clockwork—she’s always there. And she always cares. Even when Raven is being a miserable nuisance, and Raven knows she is. This is the reason she’s doing the show in the first place. She’s been mooching off of Apple and Darling for three weeks now. Most of her and Dexter’s income had come from Dexter’s IT job, and their lack of a joint bank account has left Raven with little to spend. Her job at the Mad Hatter Haberdashery & Tea Shop and the gigs she picks up don’t pay much. She needs to save every cent that she can right now, especially considering she isn’t currently working at either job. But with the money she earns from this gig, she wants to treat it as a Christmas bonus and treat her friends to dinner.

So being with Apple now, ensconced in her embrace, she reasons with herself that this gig won’t be too bad. It’s only a couple hours of your life, she tells herself. Then Apple squeezes her, whispers “You can do this” in her ear, and that gives Raven the encouragement she needs, even when every fiber of her being longs to go back to the refuge of the couch. She pulls back from the hug, sees the softness of Apple’s gaze, and smiles at the girl.

“Come on,” she says. “Let’s do this.”

She knows she doesn’t sound very convinced, but Apple only smiles and takes her hand. The gratitude Raven feels for her friend warms her body. Her nausea begins to dissipate, and she starts to believe herself. She can do this.

XXX 7:27 pm

They arrive at the pub just in the nick of time.

“I’ll go park!” Apple exclaims. “You get out here and run! Darling, Briar, and Ashlynn are on their way!”

Raven quickly obeys, pulling open the car door, jumping out, and grabbing her guitar case. She slams the door shut, breaking into a sprint as the car pulls away. The run feels much longer and far more exhausting than it should.

By the time Raven reaches the door, she’s panting. She winces as a stitch pierces her side. At least she’s not sweating. She doesn't want to look like a total wreck. Taking a deep breath, she steels herself, standing tall as she walks through the entrance. The pub is warm and smells of cinnamon. It’s not what you’d expect, but this is a classy joint, as the manager Giovanni likes to say.

As Raven enters, she immediately glances over to the center of the pub where people are sitting at an assembly of tables. Some are clearly already drunk, cheeks flushed and wide, goofy smiles on their faces. She quickly turns her gaze back forward, focusing on the stage up ahead. As she ascends the few steps, she stumbles slightly. She grabs the railing, quickly regaining her footing. Her cheeks instantly grow hot. She prays that nobody saw that. Her heart racing, adrenaline coursing through her, she enters the stage wings. Shielded from the eyes of the audience members, she tries to relax, breathing deeply as she sets her guitar case on a table. As she always does before a show, she runs through a couple finger exercises, ensuring they’re prepared for an hour of guitar playing. She has far less time than usual though, so she runs through them quickly, giving herself one minute on the dot.

As she sees the hand of the clock land at 7:30, she hurries to open her guitar case. She draws the instrument out, the familiar feel of the polished wood sending an unexpected wave of calm through her. This is something she knows. Everything else that’s happening right now—Dexter and his memory loss and the sheer hopelessness of it all—she doesn’t have the first clue on how to handle. But this guitar, the sensation of her fingers strumming the delicate strings—she knows exactly how to handle this.

"You can do this," she whispers.

With a deep breath, she walks out from the wings, the spotlight illuminating her as she sits down on the chair at the center of the stage. Resting her guitar on her lap, she takes the microphone from the stand beside her. She clears her throat before addressing the audience, trying to summon into her all the cheer and excitement she can feel thrumming in the air.

"Good evening. Thank you all for coming tonight. I'm going to be playing some Christmas favorites because, I don't know if you can tell, but it is Christmas."

She gestures to the decorations around the pub, the garlands draped over the walls, the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, the stockings hanging on the fireplace, illuminated by the warm glow of the flames. The audience laughs, and Raven grins, amazed by how chipper she sounds, how effortlessly she's joking around. Out of the corner of her eye she sees Apple enter the pub, followed by Darling, Briar, and Ashlynn. They all smile brightly at her. Apple gives her a thumbs up, grinning widely. Raven's stomach flutters, her chest suddenly warm, and knows with a full certainty now that she can do this.

"Alright, everybody. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy the show."

As Raven begins to perform, the guitar strings warm against her fingers, the songs flowing from her as naturally as breathing, she's transported to another dimension. A dimension where she doesn't have to try or fail or hurt. Nothing hurts here. Peace envelops her, its embrace like a soft, warm blanket. She's exactly where she needs to be.

She's so rooted in her reverie that by the time she finishes the last song, "Have A Holly Jolly Christmas," it takes her a moment to realize that there's nothing in the program left to play. She considers continuing, desperate for this feeling of utter bliss to continue, but she knows she can't. The show was advertised as an hour and she can't disregard that.

So, with a soft sigh, she sets the microphone back on the stand. The audience erupts into applause. As always, her cheeks burn. She's never quite been able to get over being shy about praise. She forces herself to look out at the audience. Her stomach flutters with nerves, but the wide grin on her face is entirely genuine. It only grows bigger as the audience stands, continuing to clap and whoop and holler. Her eyes travel to her friends. The glowing smiles on their faces increases her exhilaration even further.

She picks the microphone back up. Her hand is trembling, for once not with distress but with pure euphoria. It feels so good to have done something right, to be proud of herself. She waits for the applause to die down, the audience members sitting back down, before speaking.

"Thank you so much, guys! I had a blast playing for you tonight! I hope you all have a fabelous rest of your night, and please stay safe!"

There's one more round of applause before the audience turns their attention away. Some stay seated, chatting amongst themselves. Others wander over to the bar. A majority leave the pub. Raven carefully sets the microphone down before walking backstage. She's strapping her guitar back into its case when her friends find her. Apple squeals, pulling her into a tight hug.

"I knew you could do it, Raven! You did such an amazing job! I don't think you've ever performed better!"

"Apple," Raven grunts. "Can't breathe."

The pressure around her middle is intense. She takes a deep, refreshing breath as Apple pulls away.

"Oops. Sorry!" Apple giggles.

Raven grins. "It's all good. Thank you, Apple! That means a lot!"

Apple's smile is brighter than the spotlights still glowing onstage, her cerulean eyes sparkling. Raven smiles back, her chest warm with gratitude.

She squeaks, pulled from her stupor as Briar embraces her.

"You rocked it, girl!" her friend cheers.

Raven laughs as Briar picks her up, spinning her around a few times. She'll never get over how strong the girl is, despite her lack of muscles.

"Thank you, Briar!" Raven laughs as the girl sets her down.

Darling hugs her next. "That was an incredible performance, Raven! I'm so proud of you!"

Raven's cheeks warm. Darling's opinion of her has always meant a lot. Ever since she met the girl in high school, she's been everything that Raven has ever aspired to be. So courageous and confident but never dominating, her kindness and patience always shining through.

"Thank you, Darling," Raven says, her voice softer than before, as they pull back. "That means so much."

Ashlynn hugs her last, always one to let everyone else go before her.

"Congratulations, Raven! You were absolutely enchanting!"

The scent of her pine perfume is mesmerizing. Raven almost compliments her on it, but stops herself, worried that it'll sound weird. She just hugs the girl back and thanks her.

After they pull away, there's a moment of silence before Briar speaks up.

"You girls wanna hit the bar? I've been dying to try the strawberry margarita here! I heard it's spelltacular!"

"That sounds amazing!" Raven cheers.

Her eyes widen slightly, shocked by her own enthusiasm. Her friends look a bit miffed as well, but the slight furrows of their eyebrows are quickly replaced by smiles.

"Awesome!" Apple exclaims. "Let's go!"

XXX 8:51 pm

"One, two, three, shot!"

The girls tip their heads back, downing their shots in one huge gulp. The alcohol burns Raven's throat much more than she thought it would. She chokes back a cough. She takes a swig of her water and the urge to cough begins to fade, though her throat still feels like it's on fire. Ashlynn isn't so lucky. The girl erupts into a coughing fit, the alcohol spewing from her mouth onto the counter below, despite her attempts to aim for her glass. Briar quickly flags the bartender down, requesting a chaser with an urgency in her tone that Raven finds a bit silly. She can feel her head growing fuzzier, the shot of whiskey already adding to the buzz of the two strawberry margaritas she's consumed.

Ashlynn coughs and hacks against the crook of her arm, unable to stop. Darling quickly grabs napkins from the dispenser on the counter, handing a few to Ashlynn and wiping the counter with the rest before the alcohol can spill over the edge. Apple pats the girl's back, brow creased with concern. Briar swiftly grabs the glass of soda water from the bartender, too focused on helping Ashlynn to even thank him.

"Here, Ash."

Briar raises the glass to the girl's lips. Ashlynn takes a few shaky sips. Her coughing gradually fades as she continues to sip the soda water, taking the glass from Briar after a few moments.

The more Raven thinks about the situation, the funnier it seems. The burn wasn't even that bad. She starts to giggle. Her head is buzzing now. She can feel beads of sweat forming on her forehead. Apple and Darling turn to her, slightly disgruntled expressions on their faces, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. When Briar shoots her a glare, Raven forces herself to stop laughing. She can barely focus anymore, but even in her inebriated state, she knows she doesn't want her friends to be angry with her.

"Ow," Ashlynn croaks, placing her hand against her throat.

Briar turns her attention back to Ashlynn, rubbing the girl's back.

"I'm sorry, Ash," she says, her voice soft. "I shouldn't have suggested such a strong whiskey."

"It's fine," Ashlynn assures her, her voice gravelly. "I just have the taste buds of a newborn."

Briar, Apple, and Darling laugh, and the atmosphere is once again pleasant.

"I'm sorry I made such a mess," Ashlynn apologizes. "Thank you guys for helping."

"It's no problem," Darling reassures, patting her shoulder.

Raven's cheeks are now hot with shame, in addition to the effects of the alcohol. She didn’t mean to hurt Ashlynn’s feelings. The girl doesn’t seem upset, but Raven really doesn’t understand anything that is going on right now anyway. She tries to avoid eye contact with her friends, sipping what's left of her watered down strawberry margarita.

"Excuse me," she says, as the bartender passes her.

He stops. "Yes?"

"I need something a little stronger than this margarita. What would you recommend?"

She's faintly aware that her words are slurred, but the bartender seems to understand her, as he grins and says, "I have just the thing."

She drums her fingers against her knee as she watches him prepare her drink. Her friends are chatting casually, Ashlynn laughing along, fully recovered.

As the bartender hands her her drink and she thanks him, she can suddenly feel Apple's eyes on her. She refuses to look at her friend, tipping her head back as she takes a large gulp of her drink. She immediately identifies the alcohol as some type of rum. It leaves her throat tingling, but not burning like the whiskey did. She quickly realizes that she doesn't like it, but that doesn't stop her from tipping her head back again and taking another giant swig. The liquid nearly goes down the wrong pipe, but luckily it doesn't. She doesn't want to end up like Ashlynn. Again, she chugs her drink. Now her throat is burning. She stifles a cough. She's not going to let anybody stop her. She throws her head back yet again and more of the bitter liquid pours down her throat.

She flinches as warm fingers curl around hers, gently drawing the glass away. She looks up and through blurry eyes is able to make out Apple's face. She can't decipher the girl's expression, but when she speaks, she doesn't sound pleased.

"That's enough drinking, Raven." Her voice is stern, but not harsh.

A cold glass is suddenly pressed to Raven's lips.

"Here, drink some water." Apple's voice has softened.

"Don't feel like it," Raven grumbles.

She can barely get the words out. She immediately forgets what she said. All she knows is that she doesn't want to do anything she's told. Tonight is her night. She hasn't felt this alive in what feels like so long.

Distantly, she hears the beginning chord of her favorite song burst from the pub's speakers. The chorus begins, and suddenly her vision isn't so blurry. She can make out the concern in Apple's wide eyes, the worried glances the other girls are sending her way. She doesn't know why, but her chest is now hot with another emotion–anger. She's tired of being told what to do. This is her life, and she'll live it the way she pleases.

"I'm going to dance," she mutters.

Slowly, she descends from the bar stool. Her legs wobble, but after a moment she's able to find her footing and she walks out to the dance floor without too much stumbling. The beat of the music is soaring through her now, thrumming like the strings of her guitar in her chest. She grins and does what comes naturally. Arms and legs pumping, swaying to the beat, she loses herself in the music. She doesn't know what she looks like right now or even what she's doing exactly. She just knows that she loves this song and she wants to dance. Who cares what anybody else thinks?

Her eyes snap open as she feels a hand on her waist. A man with tousled brown hair and a winning smile is standing before her. Usually she’d flinch away, reprimand him for his inappropriate behavior, but her vision is blurry and her head is buzzing like a swarm of bees, and through her foggy vision, he almost looks like Dexter. Suddenly she’s leaning forehead, head dropping to his shoulder. She can feel the vibration through his body as he laughs.

“Hey there, honey." His voice is smooth. "That didn’t take much convincing, did it?”

She doesn’t answer. Her eyes slip closed again as she breathes in the saccharine scent of his cologne.

“You’re sexy, you know that?” His breath is hot against her ear. “Would you want to take this back to my place?”

He places his hand on her butt, squeezing. She gasps, startled, but the feeling of contentment quickly returns. She buries her face in his shoulder. She has the feeling that she’s supposed to answer him, that there’s something important to consider, but her thoughts are so scrambled it’s like she doesn’t have any left at all. She just sighs happily, flames sparking to life within her, as he presses his lips to her neck. She lets out a soft gasp as he begins to gnaw at it. The sensation of his teeth against her sweaty skin adds to the heat stirring within her, the flames rushing through every part of her body. It feels like it's been ages since she’s felt so good.

She squeals as a different hand grabs her arm and yanks her away.

“Fuck you, pervert!”

It’s Briar. Raven groans, reaching out to the man who she can scarcely see through her cloudy vision, but Briar has an iron grip. She flinches as she hears a loud smack.

“Go to hell!”

Darling’s usually soft voice is louder and deeper than she’s ever heard it. Through bleary eyes, Raven sees the man stumbling backwards. Darling stands before him, hand raised.

“Don’t you dare ever touch somebody like that again without their consent, you pig! I can remove your manhood in one fell swoop, and I promise you that!”

“Oh my God Raven, are you okay?!” Briar is practically screeching.

Raven couldn’t answer even if she wanted to. Briar sighs, grabbing her hand and guiding her off the dance floor. Raven can hear the clicking of Darling’s heels behind them. Raven looks back. The man's hand is pressed to his cheek, and when he removes it and gazes at her, it feels like her heart is splitting in half. She sees Dexter, her other half, looking back at her. His brown hair, his blue eyes, his perfectly sculpted face. Even in her highly inebriated state, she knows it’s not him. But she wants it to be. So badly.

Arms are around her then, holding her tight. She doesn’t know when she started crying, but she’s suddenly a sobbing, shuddering mess. The person embracing her shushes her and strokes her hair, and she knows it’s Apple, but even then she still tries to convince herself it’s Dexter.

When the girl pulls back though and takes her hand, slowly beginning to guide her out of the pub and all she sees and smells and feels is Apple, she can’t stop the fantasy from screeching to a halt. A wave of dizziness rushes through her. She stumbles, still whimpering and hiccuping, and another pair of hands help catch her.

“Come on, Raven,” Darling whispers in her ear, back to her usual gentle demeanor. “Let’s get you to the car.” She places her hands on Raven’s shoulders, helping Apple hold her steady as they exit the bar.

The frigid winter wind slices through Raven as they step outside. Their progress through the parking lot is slow, Raven's shuddering sobs only exacerbating her drunken wobbling, but eventually they reach Apple's and Darling's car. The warmth of the car is a relief from the cold, but it does nothing to quell the pain in her chest, the hoarse sobs that rack her frame. Somebody wraps her in their arms, gently pulling her head to their chest, and she smells the soothing scent of the pine perfume again. She throws her arms around Ashlynn, snuggling against the girl as close as she can.

"I want Dexter," she sobs, barely able to get the words out through her heaving breaths.

"I know, sweetie," Ashlynn murmurs, gently rubbing circles over her back. "Everything will be okay. I promise.”

Raven can feel the vibration of the car starting. Ashlynn continues to whisper to her, but Raven’s ears are ringing, unable to decipher the words.

As the car lurches over speed bumps and potholes, nausea hits Raven like a punch to the gut. She pulls away from Ashlynn, scrambling to remember what she needs to say.

“I-I-I-”

“What is it, sweetie? Are you okay?” Ashlynn asks, resting her hand on her shoulder.

Raven gulps. “I-I-I have to–”

She heaves, and Ashlynn’s eyes widen, clearly getting the message.

“Darling, pull the car over!” she yells.

“Oh God,” Darling groans. “I’m three lanes over from the side of the road. This’ll be a minute!”

A hand rests on her back from the other side of her.

“It’s alright, honey,” Briar soothes. “Just hold on.”

Ashlynn takes her hand, squeezing. Apple, who is in the passenger seat turns around, placing her hand on Raven’s knee. Her friends’ words of encouragement and comfort become a dull ring in the back of her head as she focuses solely on one thing: not puking all over Apple’s and Darling’s car. She braces herself against the seat, breathing as deeply as she can through her shaky sobs.

The car pulls to the side of the road just in time. As soon as it stops, Briar opens the door and jumps out. Raven scrambles out, falling to her knees on the pavement as she begins to vomit. She can feel cool hands on her neck, pulling her hair back. Another hand rubs her back. This feels like it’s never going to end, her stomach beginning to spasm as the heaving won’t cease.

Finally, it settles and she's never been so relieved. She sits back, exhausted but unable to stop wailing, her grief like smoldering coals in her chest. Arms encircle her, drawing her back against a warm body.

“You done, sweetie?”

She can’t distinguish who said it. It takes everything in her just to nod.

“Just wanna go home.” Her voice is barely audible, her throat raw.

She doesn’t know how she makes it back to the car, but she has a lot of help, her friends practically carrying her. Somebody buckles her in. As the car takes off again, an arm wraps around her shoulders.

“Here, I have tissues.”

Raven can make out Briar’s voice. The girl is pressed to her side, hand placed on her arm. Somebody in the front of the car says something and Briar scoffs.

“Yes, Darling. They’re clean.”

“Here,” Briar says, her voice soft. “I’m just going to wipe your mouth, okay hon?”

Raven doesn’t answer, unable to stop her whimpers and hiccups. A tissue is gently wiped over her mouth and face. Ashlynn who is on her other side taps her gently on the shoulder.

“Here, drink a bit of water, sweetheart.”

She lifts a water bottle to Raven’s lips. Raven takes a shaky sip, trying not to hiccup as she swallows. The water does nothing to relieve her burning throat, but the horrible taste in her mouth fades slightly at least. She takes another couple sips at Ashlynn’s request. Her vision is less blurry now and her thoughts, though still fuzzy, have significantly cleared, but the despair still tugs at her chest.

As Ashlynn pulls her back into her arms, she buries her face in the girl’s shoulder, sobs returning at full force as her mind is once again consumed by one thing: Dexter. The person she wants by her side more than anything else in the world, but can’t have. She may never have him again. She doesn’t know how to even begin to live with that reality.

“It’s not fair,” she squeaks, her throat aching worse with every word.

“I know, baby," Ashlynn soothes. She presses a soft kiss to the side of Raven’s head. “I know it’s not.”

Briar who’s leaning against her on the opposite side threads her fingers through her hair.

“We’re all here for you, Raven,” she whispers. “You’re never going to be alone. I promise.”

Apple turns around, placing her hand on Raven’s knee, gently rubbing.

“Everything will be okay, sweetheart,” she murmurs, her voice wavering. “You’re going to be okay.”

XXX 10:36 pm

The icy air whips past Apple and Darling as they sit on the cold cement of the balcony. Apple leans back against Darling, head resting on the girl's chest. The knight hums softly as she runs her fingers through her girlfriend's blonde curls. Apple's eyes are closed, absentmindedly stroking her thumb over Darling's knee. They snap open as Darling speaks, her soft voice enhanced by the stillness of the night air.

"I'm so glad we got this house," she says, her voice scarcely above a whisper. "It's so nice to just sit together on this balcony."

Apple smiles, nuzzling her face against the crook of the girl's neck. She hums in agreement.

"And I'm so lucky that I have my favorite person in the world to sit on it with," she whispers.

Darling shudders as Apple presses her lips to her neck. She releases a soft sigh, body fully relaxing as Apple kisses every inch of her neck. She wants so desperately for this to continue, to escalate into something more, but Apple stops a moment later, lying her head on her shoulder. She bites back a groan. It probably is best that they don't take it any farther when Briar, Ashlynn, and Raven are here, she reasons.

So with a gentle sigh, she rests her cheek on the girl's head, threading her fingers through her hair. Apple strokes her arm, delicate pale fingers dancing over her skin. Goosebumps rise on every inch of Darling's body. She wraps her arms around her girlfriend tighter. She wishes that they could stay like this forever. But the bliss of the moment fades as Apple softly speaks.

"Do you think Raven will be okay?" Her voice shakes.

Darling knows she needs to reassure her girlfriend, say every lovely thing that she needs to hear to feel better, but her mind is blank.

"Yes," is all that comes out.

Apple sighs sadly, and Darling feels like a fist is squeezing her heart. She realizes that right now she has to say what Apple wants to hear, even if she doesn't fully believe it herself. Darling prides herself on her honesty, but she can't bear to see her love like this. So, she utters all the reassurances programmed into her mind, all the comforting and loving things they'd said to Raven earlier, knowing it was what she needed to hear. And now it's what Apple needs to hear too.

"Everything will be okay." Darling makes sure her voice is as gentle as possible. "It'll be okay because we have each other. You, me, Raven, Briar, Ashlynn, Daring, all our friends–we'll always be there for each other, and together we will make things okay. Alright?"

She bites her lip, hoping that her words didn't sound like mere platitudes. But when Apple's lips are suddenly against her own, kissing her with a love both fierce and so incredibly soft, she knows she said the right thing. Darling tangles her fingers in Apple's hair, slowly stroking her locks as she deepens the kiss. She puts all her reassurance, all her commitment, all her love into that kiss, praying that Apple will feel it. And when she feels that reassurance, that commitment, that love, emanating from the girl in her arms, she knows that Apple feels it too.

Darling is suddenly cold when Apple slowly draws back. A wide grin is on the girl's face though, and warmth once again fills Darling's body.

"I brought something out with us," Apple says, a mischievous lilt in her voice.

Darling raises an eyebrow, no clue as to what the girl means.

"And what would that be?" she asks, an equally playful tone in her voice.

Apple reaches behind her and giggles as she brandishes what appears to be a bottle of wine.

"Ta da!" she exclaims.

Darling doesn't want to dampen her girlfriend's spirits, but her stomach clenches with anxiety just looking at the alcohol. She thinks it'll be a while before she can drink again after the events of tonight.

"Um…I'm sorry babe, but I don't really feel like a drink right now."

She winces, hoping Apple won't be disappointed, but instead the girl bursts into laughter. Darling's jaw drops, stunned. It's unlike Apple to laugh at her, or anybody for that matter.

"What?" she says, her tone defensive.

Apple stops laughing as she sees the look of indignation on Darling's face.

"Darling," she says, her voice still sweet as ever, "it's not alcohol. It's sparkling cider! Your favorite!"

Darling's eyes widen, her face flushing.

"I'm sorry," she stutters. "I shouldn't have assumed–"

Apple cuts her off, a bright smile on her face.

"It's fine, Darling." She places her hand on her arm. "Come on, relax and have some cider with me."

Darling's muscles unclench, breathing out a sigh of relief. She thinks for the upteenth time how lucky she is to have such a kind-hearted girlfriend.

Apple whips out two glasses from behind her.

"You want me to pop the cork?" Darling asks, reaching out for the bottle.

Apple scoffs, picking up the bottle and holding it to her chest.

"Now now. You may be my knight in shining armor, but this princess knows a thing or two about popping a cork."

Darling snorts, giggling at the expression of fake offense on Apple's face.

She folds her arms. "Alright, let's see it."

With a playful roll of her eyes, Apple grabs the cork and after a few tugs, it flies off with a popping sound that Darling finds rather satisfying. It soars across the balcony before landing on the edge. Apple lets out a sigh of relief before bursting into giggles. Darling joins in.

"Man, I wish I'd gotten that on video!" Darling teases.

Apple scoffs. "Puh-lease! Let's take a moment to remember the time you hit Daring in the head with a cork!"

Now it's Darling's turn to scoff in fake indignation. "Excuse me?! He was right in front of my face, intentionally being a doofus! Convenient that you left that part out!"

Apple laughs harder, covering her mouth when she realizes how loud she's being.

"Now now Apple," Darling says, imitating the voice of a strict professor they'd both had freshman year of college, Mr. Juliard. "Let's not wake up the entire neighborhood."

Apple lightly slaps her shoulder.

"Screw you!" she exclaims, before once again breaking into laughter.

Darling snorts again, body shaking with the force of her laughs. It's not often that Apple talks like that, even as a joke like in this circumstance. Darling smacks her hand to her chest dramatically.

"Language, Ms. White! Language!"

"Now you're the one waking the neighborhood up," Apple quips.

Darling playfully rolls her eyes. "Alright alright. Now serve me some cider, you fool!"

She holds out her glass. Apple tsks, a wide grin on her face, as she picks up the bottle and pours the cider into Darling's glass. She overestimates the portion needed and it spills over the rim of the cup. Darling shrieks, holding the glass away from her before the cider can land on her.

"Oops!" Apple exclaims. She covers her mouth, giggling.

"Ha ha ha," Darling deadpans.

She can't stop the grin from forming on her face though as Apple continues to giggle.

"Oh Apple," she says, fondness mixing with the amusement in her voice. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Pour my cider for me?" Apple beams at her, holding her glass out.

"I guess I'll have to if that example of yours was anything to go by."

Apple gasps, pointing at her. "You will regret that!"

She giggles as Darling pours the cider into her glass.

"Don't shake the glass, you imbecile!" Darling exclaims.

Apple shakes it harder. A few drops of cider land on the balcony.

"Very mature, Apple," Darling replies, unable to suppress the broad smile on her face. "Very mature."

"I learned from the best," Apple says, shrugging.

Darling scoffs, picking up her own glass.

"Can you shut up for a second and let me make a toast?"

"Boooring," Apple drawls.

Darling rolls her eyes. "Trust me, you'll like it."

Apple sighs exaggeratedly. "Okayyyy."

Darling beams as she holds up her glass of cider. "To us weirdos."

Apple chuckles. She lifts her glass, clinking it against Darling's. "To us weirdos."

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 26: Snow)

Present Time (Friday December 18, 2020) 7:30 am

Apple leaves at 7:30 on the dot, as she always does on the days she makes the hour-long drive to her family’s castle. Usually she goes Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Her numerous university courses all have to be stuffed into the short span of Tuesday and Thursday. But with all that’s been going on since Dexter’s accident, this is the first time she’s actually been able to go since. She blasts One Reflection songs for the first half of the drive, steeling herself for what is sure to be a day of dreadful interactions with her mother. Snow White always had a soft spot for the Charming siblings, since Daring was Apple’s predetermined True Love and all that, but when she’d finally discovered that her daughter’s soulmate was none other than his sister Darling after months of Apple hiding the truth, her liking of the Charming family had all but shattered. So, the chances of her mother giving her a pass because of Dexter’s injury are practically microscopic. She sighs heavily. Even her favorite band isn’t enough to distract her from her problems. Then she suddenly remembers that Blondie and Cupid released a new episode of their podcast on Tuesday.

“Alexa, play the new episode of Clondie Brainrot please.” The Alexa Apple has installed in her car obliges.

“Thank you,” says Apple.

Realistically, she knows that manners don’t matter in this situation, but her slight fear of a robot invasion leads her to be extra nice to the robots she takes for granted.

She begins to relax, her shoulders dropping from their hunched position and a small smile finding its way to her face, as she hears the familiar voices of her friends. Her momentary contentment quickly fades, though, as Blondie announces the topic of the episode.

“Today, Cupid and I are going to be talking about how we came out to our parents. This has been a highly requested topic from our fans for a while now, and we’re so happy to finally be getting to it!”

The ever-present genuine enthusiasm in Blondie’s voice, so vivid that it seems to radiate into the car, lightens Apple’s spirits for a second. But as Cupid begins to elaborate on the subject, the dread in the pit of her stomach quickly returns.

“Just for a refresh, I’m pansexual and Blondie is an asexual lesbian.”

“I can’t believe you just outed me like that!” Blondie exclaims, eliciting a snort from Cupid.

The false hurt in her voice is actually so well-performed. A tiny part of Apple is impressed, but most of what she comprehends at the moment is her sudden panic leaving her breathless and trembling. Her hand flies forward, shutting the stereo off with an unnecessarily hard press of the power button. Outed. Outed. Outed. That one word begins to replay through her mind again and again and again.

Apple doesn’t even realize she’s arrived at her destination until Rupert, one of the palace guards, approaches the car to open the door for her, to escort her into the castle like she didn’t live there her entire childhood. She stops the car, smiles graciously as Rupert “helps” her out of it, and breezes through the small talk that inevitably comes, her auto-pilot mode turning on. Now that she’s here, it has to be on.

XXX

As soon as Apple walks through the palace entrance, she freezes. There stands Snow White in the hallway, her expression so neutral it ties Apple’s stomach into knots. She’d take anger, even fury, over that blank stare that seems to bore into her soul, instantly making her feel like a little girl again. Desperate to please, petrified at the thought of failing her. That’s not how I am anymore, Apple silently reminds herself for the umpteenth time. I did therapy. I became independent. I’m stronger now. But she knows deep down that Snow still has the power to make her feel so small, so insignificant. She doesn’t give in. She knows that she deserves better. But the feeling is still there, a weight in her chest, a tightness in her middle. But she fights. Because she knows she can. Still, the pathetic instincts kick in. Her posture immediately straightens, her spine straining with the effort from lack of practice. She forces herself to meet her mother’s stony gaze, clearing her throat against her fist.

“Good morning, Mother.” She holds back a wince at the slight hoarseness of her voice. She’s tired. So tired.

Snow’s expression never shifts as she gives a slight nod and replies. “Good morning, Apple. How are you this beautiful day?”

Apple fights back the urge to snap at the woman. Snow very well knows that Apple isn’t doing well. How could she be? Still, she forces the muscles of her face into a smile. She knows how fake it must look. Even with a lifetime of practice, a genuine-looking smile seems impossible right now.

She’s opening her mouth to answer her mother when the queen speaks.

“I was sorry to hear about Mr. Charming’s accident.”

Apple’s eyes widen just slightly. Is that actual sympathy in her mother’s voice? A hint of sadness even?

Snow averts her gaze for a second before looking back at Apple, her mask of indifference slipping. Just a bit.

“How are Daring and…” She gulps, like it’s an effort to get the next word out, “Darling holding up?”

Apple’s jaw nearly drops. Snow hasn’t said Darling’s name in years. Not since the day that changed everything. That solidified the ending of any semblance of a relationship Apple had with her mother. That was the end of an era she thought she'd loved, and the beginning of one that has made her life better than she ever thought possible.

It takes Apple a moment to recover from the shock and gather her thoughts. It's only when she sees a slight furrow in Snow's brow, a telltale sign that her patience is slipping, that she's able to find the words, no matter how clunky and disconnected they seem.

"They-They're, um…alright. As alright as they can be I guess."

She lets out a nervous chuckle, the awkwardness of the situation tightening her stomach, stiffening every muscle in her body.

It seems like minutes have passed when her mother answers. It was probably only seconds, but everything feels drawn out right now, like the passage of time is expanding, elastic stretching until Apple can feel the tautness within her.

"WelI, I do hope he recovers. It's really a shame."

Apple nods.

"It is," she says, her voice scarcely above a whisper. "It is."

The women fall into silence then. Apple looks down, dimly aware that she's doing several of her nervous habits. She feels one finger scratching the hem of her dress; another lightly twirls through her hair; she feels herself blinking faster as the seconds crawl by.

Once again, it feels like ages, but has certainly been a mere moment when Snow speaks again, a finality to her tone that sends a confusing combination of relief and disappointment coursing through Apple’s chest.

"Well, we better get to our duties now. If you could go to the courtyard, Farmer Brown is waiting. The lack of rain this rainy season is affecting his crops."

Apple's not sure what she can do about that, but when you're a queen, you always have to try.

"On it," she says, finally sounding at least a little bit sure of herself.

She spends an hour with Farmer Brown, discussing the irrigation systems of the Snow White kingdom and what measures can be taken to increase efficiency. She can't control the weather, but talking with the farmer sparks some ideas in her mind that she's all too happy to share.

A couple roughly drawn blueprints later, she thinks they've come up with a solid plan.

"Please come back soon and let me know how that works out, sir. I'm always happy to help, no matter how long it takes. We will get your crops back on their feet!"

"Will do, Your Highness. Thank you for your time."

He smiles kindly at her, and she smiles just as warmly back. Everything feels warm, despite the below freezing temperature. Her chest is warm, loosened from the clutches of anxiety that had earlier consumed her. Her stomach is warm, the tight band loosened by human connection that is free of criticism or tension or grief. For just one moment, Apple hasn't a sliver of doubt about who she is.

XXX

Apple spends the rest of the morning meeting with citizens. She helps with more issues regarding the drought, managing budgets, real estate, and trade. By the time noon hits, she's all too happy to have her packed lunch under her favorite plum tree in the orchard just outside the courtyard. She pulls a book from her backpack that she's been meaning to read for months. All the problems she's dealt with throughout the morning, though, continue to spiral through her head, a seemingly endless whirlpool.

She sighs, setting the book down. She rests her head against her palm, staring out into the barren orchard. She's reminded of her garden, where Raven finally broke down, mourning the loss of Dexter's memories of her. She's reminded of her and Briar as little girls weaving through the trees, snatching royal purple plums from the branches. She's reminded of a cold rainy night, curled up under this very tree, sobbing into the wet earth, her mother's cruel words ringing through her head. Pain and joy. Both necessary parts of human existence, but only one is hoped for.

Apple looks at her peanut butter and honey sandwich, and suddenly her stomach is in knots. This isn't chunky peanut butter, but still—it's thick, and her throat tightens at the thought of another bite. Forcing herself to take a deep breath, she puts the sandwich back in the tupperware container, drops it into her lunchbox, and stuffs her mostly uneaten lunch in her purse. I'm just not hungry, she tells herself. She ignores her stomach's protests at that statement and stands, dusting the nonexistent dirt off her black skirt.

XXX 5:01 pm

"There's my little Apple Fritter!"

Apple starts, quickly looking up from her Mirrorphone where she'd just typed a text to Raven: 'How are you doing? Were you able to go to your class today?' She just finished her last meeting. It was with a midwife who's having trouble negotiating her salary with her manager. The birth rate has been increasing as of late. She quickly hits send before hurrying over to her father, accepting the embrace as he reaches out his arms. The hug is brief and even more awkward than usual. Her father's smile is genuine and warm, but she can see the anxiety in his clear blue eyes that are so like her own. He clears his throat.

"I-I'm really sorry about what happened. Is-Is there anything I can do to help?"

Apple searches his eyes, surprised at the intense sincerity she sees. Her father loves her, she knows, but there's a disconnect between them that's grown wider and wider in recent years. She can't remember the last time they had a meaningful conversation. They occasionally dine together, but they only talk of standard things: work, Apple's classes, how her friends are doing. Seldom does he ask about Darling, and when he does, the tenseness is almost unbearable for Apple. He wants to understand, she can sense that. But there's an invisible barrier standing in their way. There's a way around it. They both know this. But uncertainty, doubt, and fear—fear of losing what they still have between them—holds them both back. Apple feels this fear now. It's not the wild fear her mother can spark in her when all she wants to do is flee. This fear is duller, less frantic, but more difficult to describe. The genuine concern in his expression, though, tugs at something within her and she feels compelled to answer honestly.

"It's–It's been a lot."

She sees the sympathy in his eyes, and her shoulders sag slightly in response. For the first time today, she feels allowed to show even a hint of vulnerability. His hand lifts slightly like he wants to touch her, to comfort her, but it falls back to his side. It's like they're always in limbo when they're together, neither knowing exactly what to say or do. He swallows.

"I-I really am so sorry. Just let me know if I can do anything, okay?"

She bites her lip, nodding. His kindness, his sincere caring, brings tears to her eyes. He must notice the tears because he does touch her then, resting a warm hand on her shoulder. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't need to. He's there, and that's what matters. They stay like this for a minute, Apple taking comfort in his soft and steady touch.

She jolts with surprise when a man speaks. It's one of her father's advisors, Gregory.

"I'm so sorry to interrupt, Your Majesty, but Mr. Smith is here with an urgent report on the continuing closure of Book End businesses."

Her father reluctantly draws his hand away from her shoulder. He addresses Gregory solemnly, so unlike his usual cheerful tone.

"Is there any way I could have a few more minutes with my daughter?"

Gregory bites his lip. "It's your call of course, Your Majesty, but it is urgent. He's-He's very upset, sir."

Her father's frown is deep, his eyes holding a sadness she rarely sees in him, as he turns back to her.

"I'm so sorry, my dear, but I need to attend to this. Is there any way you could stay, and we could continue our conversation in about an hour?"

She gnaws at her lip, considering this. As strange and foreign as it seems to her, she wants to stay. She wants her father to hold her, like he did when she was little and had a nightmare.

She suddenly feels the weight of her phone in her pocket, though, and remembers Raven, too devastated to attend her classes. Darling who is trying so hard to stay strong, but is breaking at the seams. She swallows, but the rock that has formed in her throat doesn't budge.

"I'd love to, Dad, but I really should get going. I need to get dinner for Raven and Darling."

She frowns, her chest aching as his expression grows even more melancholy.

"But I'll be back next week, and we'll be sure to talk then! Alright?"

A warm smile forms on his face, replacing the previous gloom.

"That sounds lovely, honey. Give me a call if you need help, alright?"

Apple grins, her chest warm. "Alright, Dad."

"I love you, Apple Fritter."

"I love you too, Dad."

XXX 5:11 pm

Apple shoves down the urge to groan when she turns the corner to the entrance hall and sees her mother standing there, like she knew she was coming. She forces herself to keep walking at a regular pace. It takes all of her remaining strength to smile as she meets Snow White in the center of the hall.

"Hello, Mother. I-I'm just heading out. Is there anything you need from me before I go?"

She thinks her tone is perfectly pleasant, but Snow's brows are furrowed. She's displeased, and Apple fights the instinct to say something, anything, to appease her. Snow takes her time answering, regarding Apple with a cool stare.

When she finally speaks, it's with that completely neutral tone that makes Apple want to scream.

"I'm sure I could find something for you to do." A small smile, chilly with its insincerity, forms over her face. "But alas, you don't live here, in your rightful home. You're off to that ordinary suburban house you call your home."

Apple's chest suddenly burns, prickly anger threatening to consume her. She pushes the spikes down, though. She knows better. Her reply is nearly instantaneous.

“You know very well why I don’t live in the palace.” She hates how, after all these years, there’s still a slight tremble in her voice. But she keeps her gaze direct, never straying from her mother's cold eyes. “And I love my ordinary suburban house. I feel more at home there than I ever did here." All the emotions rising in her chest, she pushes down hard. "Now, excuse me."

She walks swiftly down the hall, out the door that a guard opens for her. The snide retort she expected from her mother surprisingly never comes.

XXX

Apple cries the whole way home. She hates that her mother can still do this to her. She hates this with every fiber of her being. But she just can’t stop the tears from coming. And it’s only when she pulls into the empty driveway that she realizes she forgot to go to the grocery store to pick up dinner. Making a meal even as simple as spaghetti feels impossible right now. And she’d told Darling she’d pick up her favorite soup: clam chowder. All she wants to do is curl up in bed and sleep until this terrible feeling inside her goes away, but it’s not just her that needs dinner. Darling and Raven need it, too. She has to show up for them, even if she doesn’t want to for herself. So, her face wet with tears, shudders and hiccups still racking her aching body, she pulls out of the driveway.

XXX 6:47 pm

As soon as she enters the crowded store, she regrets not sticking with the spaghetti. It’s not like Darling would have cared about not getting clam chowder. But she’s here now, and it would be silly to leave only because of a crowd. It’s not like anybody will recognize her. She’s wearing a gray sweatshirt with the hood pulled up and large black sunglasses. So, taking a deep breath, she joins the crowd.

XXX 7:21 pm

When she pulls into the driveway again, Darling’s car is there. Apple’s not sure whether she’s relieved or anxious. On one hand, she craves the sanctuary of her girlfriend’s arms, but the girl could very well be in a fragile state and need to be consoled. And then there’s Raven who will certainly need her attention. She doesn’t know if she has it in her to care for the women right now. It’s not like she has a choice though, she thinks bitterly. Squeezing her eyes shut, wishing desperately that their circumstances were brighter, she gets out of the car.

As soon as she enters the house, she hears the sound of the television. Slipping off her black heels, she ventures into the house. She savors the warmth after the piercing chill of the winter air. Entering the kitchen, she smiles slightly at the sight of Darling and Raven in the living room, sprawled on the couch. Gilmore Girls is playing on the television. Darling is quickly on her feet, hurrying over to Apple.

“Here, let me help you with that,” she says, grabbing the grocery bag from Apple’s hand and placing it on the counter.

Apple giggles. “It was only one bag, Darling.”

Darling smiles softly, walking back over to her.

Before Apple can say another word, Darling’s arms slide around her neck as she pulls her into a kiss. Apple sighs gently, eagerly returning the kiss, despite her exhaustion. The ever-thrilling sensation of Darling’s lips on hers sweeps away that terrible feeling within her. Even if just for a moment, the relief is so pleasant that all she wants is to keep kissing Darling until their lips are raw and their breaths are heavy. She knows that they have to stop, though. For Raven, whose grief for her lost lover is so intense that Apple can feel it even now in another room, wrapped in her girlfriend’s arms. So, despite everything inside her protesting, threatening to pull her even closer to Darling, she draws away. She meets the girl’s eyes and knows that she understands.

Slowly, she enters the living room, making her way over to the couch where Raven is silent, gaze not straying from the television.

“Hey, Raven,” she says, her voice soft and hesitant.

She looks at the girl, trying to gauge her emotional state. She looks the same as she did this morning, dressed in gray sweatpants and a black T-shirt, not cold even with well below freezing temperatures. Clearly she didn’t go to her classes then. No wonder she didn’t respond to her text. Apple frowns. The girl’s hair is disheveled, greasy from several days of not showering, despite Apple’s and Darling’s protests. Dark shadows ring her eyes, and her face is somehow paler than usual. Even the colorful glow of the Christmas tree lights from across the room doesn’t add any cheer to the dullness. Apple briefly glances over at the tree. They haven’t had a chance to decorate it yet, and Christmas is only a week away. Yet another thing to worry about. The holiday that usually brings her such joy, the traditions that she cherishes so deeply, feels like a burden now.

Raven finally turns to face Apple, and her expression is as blank as ever. Still, Apple smiles softly, desperate to raise her friend’s spirits even a little bit. She brushes a strand of Raven’s violet hair back, tucking it behind her ear. Ever so gently, she strokes her thumb over the girl’s cheek. She looks into Raven’s eyes, looking for anything, any semblance of emotion; but her friend’s gaze remains flat. Apple can’t help the slight frown that tugs at the corner of her mouth. She lets out a breath she wasn’t aware she’d been holding as Raven’s low, gravelly voice pierces the air, air heavy with the weight of uncertainty and sorrow.

“Hey, Apple.”

Apple smiles, lowering her hand from Raven’s face, resting it on her shoulder.

“Are-are you—”

The question dies on her lips. Clearly Raven is not okay. What a stupid question. She simply doesn’t know what to say, so fortunately Raven beats her to it.

“How did your day at the palace go? Did everything go okay? You seem—a little bit down.”

Apple’s eyes widen. She hadn’t been expecting that; but really she should’ve. Even in Raven’s lowest moments, she cares. About Apple. About everyone she loves. Despite the weight of her day pressing down on her, Apple smiles.

“It-It was okay. I got to help a lot of people with their problems.”

She can feel Raven’s gaze on her. Her friend knows that she isn’t telling her everything. Apple bites her lip. Looking up, seeing Raven’s soft yet expectant expression, she sighs.

“It-It wasn’t perfect, but that’s common, at least when I see my mother.” That word—mother—is heavy on her tongue.

“What happened?” Raven asks, the concern in her voice filling Apple with a sudden welcome warmth.

Suddenly, talking about what happened doesn’t feel so daunting.

“Just the usual. She badgered me about not living in the castle, about living in an ordinary suburban home—” she does air quotes— “instead. It’s just…just stupid. I’m happy where I am, and…and I don’t care what she thinks.” As she says it, she can’t shake the feeling that that’s not entirely true.

Raven frowns sympathetically. “I’m sorry. That must be frustrating.”

Apple chuckles humorlessly, giving Raven a small smile. “It’s okay.”

She knows that Raven completely understands how she feels, but the girl doesn’t say that. She just listens. Apple is grateful for that. Her friend’s hand is on her shoulder now, warm and grounding. All of a sudden, Apple’s day doesn’t seem so bad.

“Hey girls,” Darling says, her tone light and pleasant as she walks into the living room, holding two bowls.

Apple gasps, guilt flooding her body. She jumps to her feet. “Oh Darling, you didn’t have to do that!”

Darling laughs softly. “It’s no problem, babe. All I had to do was microwave it. Just sit back and relax. You had a long day.”

Reluctantly, Apple sits back down, taking the bowl of clam chowder Darling hands to her.

“Well, thank you, sweetie.”

She can’t resist giving Darling’s cheek a quick peck. She smiles at the light blush that rises on the girl’s face.

“Of course, baby.”

She hands the other bowl to Raven.

“Thank you, Darling,” the girl says.

“Sure thing, Raven. I’ll just go get mine, and let’s get our Gilmore Girls on!”

Apple giggles. “Sounds like a plan!”

Darling returns with her bowl of soup and settles on Apple’s other side. The soup is delicious, the show is as comforting as ever, and the warmth emanating from Darling’s and Raven’s bodies do even more to lull her into a state of peaceful relaxation. She finishes her soup quickly, realizing how hungry she’d actually been. She sets the bowl on the coffee table. Then with a contented sigh, she leans back. She only plans to close her eyes for a moment, but everything is so warm and soft and soothing, and she’s asleep before the episode is over.

XXX

“And how do you feel about that? Moving into this house with Darling? Does it scare you…what she thinks?”

She’s sitting on the familiar leather couch of the therapy office. Dr. Fischer, his pale gray eyes kind behind his spectacles, is looking at her intently. He expects an answer. She clears her throat.

“I mean…I want to say no. But truthfully…that look in her eyes when I told her I bought a house and was moving in with Darling…it was so cold, so dark.” She shivers at the mere thought. “I-I can’t get it out of my head. No matter how hard I try.” She squeezes her eyes shut, the lingering feeling of fear and dread heightening, tightening her chest.

“This look?”

She starts, that feeling suddenly replaced with confusion. That’s not Dr. Fischer’s voice. That’s…

She gasps, her eyes snapping open. There sits her mother, regal as ever in her billowing white dress, her ebony hair perfectly curled. Her ruby lips are like two bloody gashes.

“Mom?” Her voice sounds distant, like it’s not really hers.

That paralyzing fear rapidly sets back in, pressing down on her chest. She feels like she’s choking, like merely her mother’s frigid gaze is closing her windpipe. “What? Speechless in my presence? Afraid? Of your own mother?” Snow’s voice is lifeless, no anger, no disappointment.

Apple can see the anger and disappointment, though, a sharp glint in the woman’s orbs. She swallows, her throat tight.

“I-I’m sorry, Mom,” she croaks, oxygen still evading her. “B-but…it’s my life.”

She forces the words out quickly, her eyes shut tight.

Silence…a long, dreadful silence. Her eyes remain closed. Her entire body feels stuck, confined to the couch. It’s only when a cold, smooth hand grips her chin, slowly raising her head, that her eyes shoot open. All she can see are the dark turquoise pools of her mother’s eyes, the pupils dark as midnight. She can’t speak. She can’t move a muscle. All she can do is stare.

“You will do best to respect your mother,” Snow spats, eerie calmness replaced with bitter rage. “How dare you dishonor me, your kingdom, like this?! You are a disgrace!”

The queen’s nails dig into her chin. Apple can feel the blood pooling, hot and prickly as thorns. Salty tears stream down her face, stinging the torn flesh. She bites down on her tongue until it too begins to bleed. Her vision blurs. She still can’t breathe.

“Please,” she wheezes. “Please, Mom. Please.”

A cruel smile spreads over the woman’s face. She laughs, a raspy cackle that sends shivers running down Apple’s spine.

“Mercy?” Her mother’s voice is coarse as gravel. “There is none of that where you’re going.”

Apple shrieks as, out of nowhere, a swirling black vortex appears in the center of the room. It roars like a beast attacking its prey, splitting her eardrums. She cries out in pain.

A sudden weightlessness envelops her. She shrieks as she realizes that she’s floating, the air whirling around her like a tornado. She’s being pulled closer and closer to the vortex. An icy cold suddenly pierces her. She feels a force within the vortex drawing her in. It feels alive, and the fear paralyzes her until she can’t move, can’t yell out a last desperate plea. Her death is here, and the last thing she sees before the swirling black consumes her is her mother’s eyes, hard as glass. The pitch darkness consumes her, tearing through her body like spikes. The pain is so ruthless…she’s going to give up…she has to…it’s too much…

There’s a sudden pressure on her, different from the vice grip the vortex has on her. It’s…gentle. It doesn’t want to hurt her. She leans into this sensation, allowing its steady pull to guide her out of the darkness.

She bolts upright. A strangled cry is heavy in her throat, but she somehow pushes it down before it pierces the air. She’s no longer floating. She can feel a solid surface beneath her. It’s still dark, but the darkness is different. It’s not pressing in on her. Something warm and soft is beside her. She looks down and as she recognizes this warm, soft presence as her girlfriend, everything comes rushing back to her. Darling. Raven. The couch. Her house. That…that was a dream. She feels a gentle pressure on her leg as Darling shifts closer, mumbling incoherently. It takes Apple a moment to realize the girl is asleep. She suddenly registers light snores from her other side. She whips around, her heart racing, letting out a shaky sigh of relief as she realizes it’s Raven sprawled out next to them on the couch, lying the other direction.

Even with the assurance that it’s only Darling and Raven here with her, that she’s in her living room with Gilmore Girls still playing quietly on the television, her heart continues to pound harder and harder. And that all-consuming feeling of fear and dread, the one she’d felt on her therapist’s couch, the one she’d felt staring into her mother’s eyes, the one she’d felt trapped in the ice cold vortex, returns. Her chest constricts, her stomach heaves, and she jumps to her feet, rushing to the bathroom. She drops to her knees in front of the toilet and heaves again and again. Nothing comes up. Her throat is raw and parched. And, once again, she can’t breathe. She rises to her feet, her legs shaking with the effort. She wobbles over to the sink, turning on the faucet with a trembling hand. She splashes water on her face, but the cold liquid only reminds her of the freezing vortex. Her hands grip the edge of the counter, her knuckles white as paper. She shudders at her reflection in the mirror. She’s like a ghoul, her skin pale as death, the shadows beneath her eyes purple as bruises.

She tries and tries and tries to breathe, but the normal therapy room with only Dr. Fischer, only the kind old man, feels so far away, unreachable. She’s only dimly aware that she’s sinking to her knees, slowly lying down. The tile is chilly against her face. Her chest burns like fire. She can feel her body shaking, her teeth chattering. She squeezes her eyes shut, helpless in the face of the monster that is her panic.

She’s not sure when the pain begins to subside, when everything big and loud and cold ceases its hold on her, but eventually all fades in the clutches of sleep. She doesn’t dream. It’s only darkness.

XXX Saturday December 19, 2020 8:21 am

And then it's light and noise and the smell of brewing coffee, their sudden appearance overwhelming her senses, as a hand shakes her shoulder.

"Apple! Hey, wake up!"

"Whaa–" Apple jerks up, squinting in the light of the morning sun.

She looks around. She's in–the bathroom? And then it all comes back to her at once—the nightmare and the panic and the fear. It's already coming back, a tight band around her chest. But then soft hands are holding hers, concerned azure eyes gazing at her. Darling. It's Darling.

"Are you okay?!" Darling exclaims. "What are you doing on the bathroom floor?!"

"Oh!" Apple shakes her head, but it does little to clear the fog hovering within. "I–" Her voice dies. Her mind is suddenly blank.

Darling is looking at her expectantly, her expression growing more and more concerned every second. Darling's worried—about her—and that's what forces the words out of Apple.

"I'm fine. The clam chowder just didn't agree with me, so I came in here in case I threw up, but then I guess I fell asleep. Long day, you know?" She laughs nervously, hoping to appease her girlfriend, but Darling still looks deeply concerned, the wrinkle in her forehead growing.

Apple wants to smooth it out, but she just stares, not knowing what else she can say to extinguish the girl's anxiety.

"Oh gosh, you should've woken me up, baby!" Darling reaches out, stroking her hand through Apple's hair. "I want to be there for you when you're not feeling well."

Apple bites her lip. Darling shouldn't be worried about her. It needs to be the other way around! Apple has been having nightmares about her mother for years. It's trivial in comparison to the tragedy looming over them all like a dark cloud, the threat of rain unending.

So, she clears her throat and plows on. "I'm feeling a lot better now, though. How about I make us some pancakes?"

Darling seems reassured, the crease in her forehead beginning to fade, her posture relaxing slightly. A quizzical expression on her face replaces the concerned one.

"Won't the pancakes be too hard on your stomach?"

Apple would slap herself if Darling wasn't there. Recommending pancakes right after she said she’d felt sick? She's so stupid! She forces out a laugh, hoping it sounds genuine. She doubts it.

"I just feel so much better that I'm craving pancakes now!"

She plasters on a bright smile, a wave of relief flowing through her when a small smile forms on Darling's face.

"Well, I suppose we can have pancakes," the girl says, her tone light. A trace of concern remains, though. "But maybe go light on the syrup. I don't want my poor baby's tummy to hurt again."

Apple giggles, her smile now entirely genuine as Darling leans forward, pressing a quick kiss to her stomach.

"There!" the girl exclaims, her eyes bright with humor. "The magic of my true love's kiss has been unleashed, and your tummy shall never hurt again!"

Apple giggles louder as Darling blows a raspberry on her stomach. She playfully swats the girl away.

"Enough of that!" Apple laughs. "I'm starving!"

She rises to her feet with surprising ease, offering her hand to Darling. Darling takes her hand, grinning as Apple pulls her up.

"I should've been the one to help you up, silly girl," says Darling, her tone playful. "You're the one who didn't feel good!"

Apple giggles softly. She leans forward, pressing her lips to Darling's, gentle but eager. Darling immediately deepens the kiss, wrapping her arms around Apple's shoulders, tangling her fingers in her blonde curls. Apple savors every moment of the kiss. The warmth of Darling's body, the sweet taste of her vanilla chapstick, how their lips fit together so perfectly, like pieces of a puzzle. She never wants it to end, but eventually it has to. There's a day of obligations ahead of them. As they slowly pull away from each other, giddy smiles on both girl's faces, Apple softly speaks.

"I need to be your Princess Charming too sometimes."

XXX 8:44 am

Apple's stomach is tight as she forces down the apple pancakes she and Darling just cooked. Apple had initially been thinking of making regular pancakes, but Darling had suggested apple pancakes and Apple didn't want to refuse. The pancakes are delicious, but all she can think about as the pieces of pancake filled with sweet chunks of apple slide down her dry throat is how the kitchen smells like her childhood, sunny mornings where her mother cooked the famous White family pancakes, the recipe passed down from Snow White to Snow White for generations. This dish is the only one Snow cooks herself rather than having the castle cook do it. It's a secret family recipe, only to be seen by Snow Whites. Not even Apple's father is allowed to see it. She feels like she's back in her castle, the place she now detests. It feels wrong to despise it. Not everything that happened there is bad. But every memory, no matter how hard she tries to remember it fondly, is tainted. Tainted by all that's happened since Apple left to attend Ever After High. Tainted with the realization that her childhood wasn't the glorious thing she'd thought it to be. Even something as insignificant as these apple pancakes that sit like rocks in her stomach are tainted with the reality she's been forced to accept.

She's sitting in her warm kitchen, her wonderful girlfriend sitting across from her talking in light, pleasant tones about her school project, but Apple is years in the past, back in her castle with her mother. The mother who haunts her dreams, who just the thought of turns what should be a happy occasion to one that fills her with dread, held down by onslaughts of memories, of a childhood turned sour. Despite everything, she tries her best to listen to Darling. This is a project the girl seems passionate about, and she deserves Apple's undivided attention. So, even if she can't catch every word, she smiles encouragingly. She cares. So much that it aches. She just hopes that it's enough.

XXX 9:17 am

Apple frowns down at the essay she’s writing. Her hand aches, her fingers tightly clenching the quill. Does this paragraph even make sense? She looks up at Darling who sits across the table from her. She looks just as disconcerted as Apple, her brow furrowed in deep concentration. Apple frowns as she notices that the girl is biting her nails. She realizes how pink her cuticles have become, bright against the lighter tint of Darling’s skin. This must’ve been going on for a few days at least. How had Apple not noticed? This is a nervous habit of Darling’s, but she hasn’t seen her do it in a while. You need to keep more of an eye on her! Apple mentally berates herself.

“Hey, sweetie,” she says. She bites her lip. She hates to break Darling’s train of thought, but her cuticles look so raw—it hurts Apple to look at.

Darling starts, as if awoken from a trance. Guilt aches in Apple’s gut.

“Yes?” she asks, her brow furrowing deeper in concern.

“It’s just—you’re biting your nails. It looks like it hurts.”

“Oh.” Darling sounds surprised. She looks down at her fingers like she just realized she was doing it. That’s probably the case. “I’m sorry. I’ll try to stop.” Her voice is quiet, her gaze slightly lowered. Why is she ashamed?

“Don’t be sorry!” Apple exclaims, the guilt inside her burning hotter. “I-I didn’t mean to make you feel bad for it! I just—I don’t want you to be in pain.” Her voice breaks.

She feels silly for getting emotional over this. But this small, seemingly insignificant pain is reminding her of all her girlfriend’s pain—the grief, fear, uncertainty of the last three weeks. Her eyes sting, but she refuses to let any tears fall. Darling can read her like a book, though. She frowns, reaching across the table to take Apple’s hand.

“Hey,” she murmurs. “I’m fine, babe. Everything is okay.”

Apple nods, some of the tension leaving her body as the girl squeezes her hand.

“Are-Are you okay?” Darling asks, her voice scarcely above a whisper.

Her eyes are wide with concern. She looks so worried and, as much as it widens the ache within Apple, it makes the urge to break down in her girlfriend’s arms, confess all her troubles, all the more tempting. She can’t fall apart on Darling, though. She can’t. She can’t make this about her. Like she always has.

“I’m fine.” She forces out a laugh, molding her face into a reassuring smile. “Just be gentle with yourself. Alright?”

Darling smiles softly. “Yes, ma’am.”

Apple giggles. She can still sense an undercurrent of unease in Darling’s expression, but thankfully the girl lets it go and they get back to work.

Apple still isn’t sure if anything she’s writing is good enough. Usually she’s confident in her writing abilities, but no matter how hard she tries, she can’t fully commit herself right now. Her mind wanders aimlessly, refusing to stay on one topic.

When she glances at the oven clock and registers that it’s 10:37, she gasps. Raven is still sleeping, and she hasn’t even tried to get her up! She sets down her quill, quickly rising to her feet.

“Goodness, I need to wake up Raven!” she exclaims.

Darling looks up, her eyes widening as she sees the time.

“I’ll go heat up some pancakes for her,” the girl says, putting down her quill.

Apple almost tells her to hold off on that. She doesn’t know if she’ll even manage to get Raven off the couch. But she reminds herself that she must remain hopeful.

“Always hope for the best.” An actually helpful bit of advice her mother gave her.

“Raven,” she says softly as she arrives at the couch where the girl is sprawled, lying flat on her stomach.

Her friend doesn’t stir. Apple leans over, carefully shaking the girl’s shoulder.

“Raven, honey, it’s time to get up.”

The girl groans but doesn’t respond, burying her head deeper into the pillow. Apple sighs quietly. She must remain patient and optimistic. She crouches down, gently running her hand over her friend’s hair. Raven sighs loudly.

“Darling is heating up some pancakes for you,” Apple says, her voice still soft as ever. “Apple pancakes. I know how much you love those.”

“Not right now,” Raven grumbles, her voice muffled by the pillow. “No offense, but I just want to sleep.”

“But Raven—”

“I. Said. No!”

Apple knows she shouldn’t take Raven’s attitude personally, but still…it hurts. Raven mumbles something under her breath, pulling the blanket up over herself.

Apple takes a deep, shaky breath, pushing down the rather strong urge to push Raven off the couch and drag her to the kitchen. She understands why the girl is like this, that she’s depressed. But the feeling of not being able to help…of nothing she does to support her friend working…it’s almost too much to bear. The girl won’t do anything. She barely eats. She never goes to class. Most of her professors have dropped her from their classes at this point. She hasn’t been fired from her job at the Wonderland Haberdashery and Tea Shoppe, but that’s only because Maddie is the manager. When is Maddie going to be back from her trip to Wonderland again? Apple doesn’t remember. Soon…but not soon enough. Nobody told her about Dexter’s accident because of the importance of the trip. Her mother had recently turned up after she was thought to be dead, not having been seen since the Evil Queen’s curse struck. This is Maddie’s first time seeing her mother in over eight years, and none of them want to ruin that for her.

Apple’s chest aches as she looks down at her friend, her tangled violet locks sticking out of the blanket. Once again, her eyes burn. She swallows, her throat thick with emotion. That damn emotion.

“Okay,” she says, her voice a hoarse whisper. “Just…let me know if you need anything. I-I’ll come check on you in a little bit.”

She remains there by the couch for another minute waiting, desperately hoping that Raven will change her mind, will say anything. But the girl doesn’t make a sound. Giving up doesn’t come naturally to Apple, and the shame she feels as she walks back to the kitchen is like a weight dragging her down, pushing until she sinks into the floor beneath her.

"Hey, you okay?" Darling asks her as she enters the kitchen.

Steam rises from the fluffy pancakes stacked on the plate in her hands. Again, she's concerned, and Apple hates herself for it. It's only for Darling, for the girl's relative peace of mind this morning, that Apple has the strength to muster a smile and speak with only a slight tremble in her voice.

"Yep." Darling doesn't look convinced, so Apple forces herself to continue. "Raven doesn't want to get up right now, so uh…why don't we just do some more schoolwork?"

Even if Darling still has a hint of uncertainty in her ice blue eyes, she nods. She smiles so warmly that Apple's whole body suddenly feels soft. Smiling back comes easier than she thought it would. Darling walks over to the counter, setting the plate down. Returning to Apple's side, she grabs her hand, gently squeezing her fingers. Apple squeezes back, hoping her touch grounds Darling as much as Darling's touch grounds her. They walk together to the table and as they get back to work, Apple listens to Darling's soft breathing, smells the subtly sweet scent of her coconut shampoo, and writing her essay doesn't seem as bad.

She's not sure how long it's been when the vibration of her Mirrorphone on the table startles her. She gasps, dropping her pencil.

Darling chuckles."You okay?"

Apple forces out a laugh, wincing at how shaky it sounds. "Yeah. You know me. Big old scaredy cat."

Darling picks up the phone, handing it to her.

"Thanks, babe," says Apple, giving Darling's cheek a soft peck.

She giggles at the blush that rises in the girl's cheeks. She looks at her phone. It's a text from Briar.

[Briar 11:47 am] Snow day?? 😁☃️

Apple can't help but grin. No matter how exhausted and depleted she feels, her friends never fail to warm her heart. It's only been a few days since she saw Briar, Ashlynn and Willow, but she already misses them. On one hand, she feels lazy, like she's abandoning her duties, if she stops her schoolwork for now. But the reasonable side of her wins out. A twinge of guilt still gnaws at her stomach as she types a reply.

[Apple 11:49 am] Sure! Do you want to come over here, or would it work better for Darling and I to come over to your place? 😁

Briar immediately begins to text back. Apple watches the dots move until a reply appears.

[Briar 11:50 am]  We can come over to your place!! would it be okay for us to come in half an hour? 😄

Apple suddenly realizes she didn’t ask Darling before confirming. She winces, cursing her inconsiderate action.

"Hey, Darling," says Apple, her voice soft.

Darling quickly looks up. She gives Apple a small smile. "Yeah, sweetie?"

"Is it okay if Briar, Ashlynn, and Willow come over for a snow day?"

Apple can see the same conflict that had struck her pass over Darling's face, but just as it happened with her, the logical conclusion that they deserve a fun day with their friends overpowers the self-inflicted guilt of not doing enough. Not being enough.

"Sure!" Darling smiles wider this time, her teeth, always so white and polished despite not receiving her brother's regular teeth-whitening procedures, showing.

Apple suddenly feels giddy as she confirms with Briar. She jumps to her feet.

"Let's go get dressed!" she exclaims.

She reaches down, grabbing Darling's hands and helping her up. The girl doesn't need help, Apple knows, but it feels good to do something for her.

XXX 12:04 pm

“Want to make a snow angel, Willow?!” Apple exclaims, her heart still pounding from the snowball fight she, Darling, and Briar just had.

“Okay,” says Willow, sounding uncertain, but smiling adorably all the less.

“You just lay down like this!” Apple demonstrates, cushioned by the softness of the fresh snow as she clumsily drops to the ground.

She spreads her arms and legs wide, sliding them back and forth over the snow. Willow follows her example, flopping to the ground and sweeping her arms and legs to and fro across the glittering white expanse.

Apple laughs. “There you go! You’re doing it!”

Willow giggles as Briar, Ashlynn, and Darling drop down beside them, laughing boisterously as they join in on the fun. Willow slowly rises to her feet, the snow sinking slightly under her feet, and bursts into laughter as she sees all the girls sprawled in the snow.

“Look at Mommy!” she exclaims, pointing to Ashlynn, giggling louder.

The girls laugh along with the toddler.

As soon as they stand up, Apple sweeps Willow into her arms, spinning her around. She feels as light and fluffy as the snow under their feet as she looks at the girl’s wide emerald eyes, sparkling with amusement, her cheeks rosy from the cold air. Her laughter, so innocent and genuine, fills Apple with a warmth that, for this moment, melts all her worries away. Raven is still inside sleeping on the couch, Darling is using every bit of strength left within her to hold it all together. And Apple is struggling every second to pick up the pieces that continue to fall around them. But Willow is pure. The snow is pure. Love is pure. And she’s surrounded by all three.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 25: There's a Beautiful Sadness Behind a Goodbye)

Monday December 14, 2020 (Present Time) 5:42 pm

Ashlynn sits on her and Briar's bed, gingerly tracing her fingers over the worn squirrel stuffy, thinking of their cat, Dakota. The cat that she and Briar had adopted from the shelter shortly after Briar moved in with her and Willow two years ago.

"Give us the oldest cat you have," Briar had said to the veterinarian at the animal shelter. "The one who needs a family the most."

They'd gone home with fourteen year-old Dakota, the sweetest cat they'd ever met.

Now, as Ashlynn sits alone in the silence of her and Briar's bedroom, images of Dakota are flashing through her mind. Ashlynn stroking her hand over the cat's back. The spring in Dakota's step as she runs after the crinkle toy Briar throws down the hall. Her soothing purr as she kneads Ashlynn's chest. Her warmth as she sleeps between Ashlynn and Briar, snuggled up against them. She passed away in her sleep three months ago, and Ashlynn is still reeling. She's been pushing the emotions down, determined to keep her head up and do what needs to be done for her family and friends, but it's nights like these when it's just her and Briar, no Willow, no friends to care for, that the feelings she hasn't been allowed to process overwhelm her. Her head snaps up as she hears a gentle voice.

"Hey, babe. You okay?"

Briar is standing at the door, her forehead creased with concern. Wavy brown ringlets stray from her messy bun, framing her face. Could she be any more beautiful? a voice, soft but insistent, echoes in Ashlynn's mind. Throat too tight to speak, Ashlynn shrugs. Briar walks over to the bed, sitting down next to Ashlynn.

"Aww it's okay honey," Briar coos. She reaches out, gently stroking her thumb over Ashlynn's cheek.

Ashlynn touches her face as Briar's hand draws away, surprised when she feels wetness on her cheeks. She hadn't even realized she was crying. She laughs softly, giving Briar a small smile as she tries to play it off. She sets the stuffy down under the blanket, hoping that by some miracle Briar hadn't noticed it. Briar's taken Dakota's death just as hard as Ashlynn has.

With one look at Briar's face though, Ashlynn knows that Briar saw it, that she's aware of the situation. Of course she is. Briar's incredibly perceptive, analyzing people and their emotions with close to no effort. It's one of the many things Ashlynn loves about her best friend, but it can be a bit unfortunate when Ashlynn's trying to hide her feelings. Briar sighs softly, gently brushing the hair out of Ashlynn's face, tucking the loose locks that have slipped from her ponytail behind her ears.

"It's okay to be sad," Briar murmurs.

Ashlynn sighs shakily, wiping away the tears that stubbornly rise in her eyes. Briar wraps her arm around Ashlynn's shoulders, bringing the girl close. Ashlynn relaxes into her side, some of the tension seeping from her body. She hadn't realized how tense she was. They sit in silence for a few minutes, Briar's thumb slowly stroking circles over Ashlynn's shoulder as tears stream down the girl's face.

"I miss her," Ashlynn croaks after a while, her head falling to Briar's shoulder as the girl softly kisses her forehead.

"I know," Briar whispers, her voice hoarse.

Ashlynn can tell that Briar is crying now, too. She bites her lip, ashamed that she made her sad. Briar was so happy just a minute ago, and now she's ruined the girl's good mood.

"I'm sorry," Ashlynn sighs. "I'm being such a baby about this and I'm ruining our night and–"

"Shhh," Briar soothes, cutting the girl's rambling off. "Stop that. You are not a baby, and you aren't ruining anything."

Briar lets out a shaky sigh, resting her cheek on the top of Ashlynn's head.

"I miss her too," the girl says, her voice scarcely above a whisper. "Every single day." Her voice breaks.

Ashlynn's eyes burn. She grabs Briar's hand, gently squeezing as she threads their fingers together. Briar takes a trembling breath, gripping Ashlynn's hand tighter.

"It doesn't matter how old she was. Even though it was her time to go, it still hurts." Briar's voice cracks.

Ashlynn squeezes Briar's hand even tighter.

"Yeah," she whispers, unable to speak any louder.

Not knowing what else to say and not really wanting to talk anymore, the girls descend into silence, their bodies pressed together as they draw strength from each other. They both know this pain all too well, but having each other helps.

XXX 7:07 pm

Sitting at the dining table, Ashlynn and Briar casually converse as they eat their spaghetti. Hunter has Willow tonight, so having the house to themselves, Briar made dinner a fancy affair. Red candles glow in silver sconces, casting a golden glow on the crimson tablecloth.

"So, your day at work wasn't too bad?" Ashlynn asks, absentmindedly twirling the spaghetti around her fork.

"No, it was fine actually,” Briar replies. “The women I'm planning a wedding for right now are really lovely. They want a full on cottagecore lesbian wedding."

Ashlynn snorts, nearly inhaling her spaghetti. Briar giggles.

"I wish I could go!" Ashlynn laughs.

"Ahh, me too!" Briar exclaims. "Ugh, so rude that they didn't invite me. Ungrateful bitches!"

She jokingly rolls her eyes. Ashlynn laughs harder. Briar grins, clearly glad that she could cheer her up. Ashlynn smiles warmly at her, hoping that her gaze conveys more than words ever could. I'm so grateful for you. You mean the world to me. By the glowing smile on Briar's face, the light in her beautiful brown eyes, Ashlynn knows she understands.

As Ashlynn's laughter dies down, they eat in silence for a moment. Ashlynn glances up, noting the sudden look of focus on Briar's face. Ashlynn quirks her eyebrows. What could the girl be thinking about so deeply?

When she's opening her mouth to ask what's up, Briar blurts out, "Do you want to get a kitten?"

Ashlynn's eyes widen. She certainly wasn't expecting that. She opens and closes her mouth, too taken aback to know what to say. Briar's face falls slightly, but is quickly replaced by a small smile.

"I completely understand if it's too soon, Ash. It was just a thought."

"No!" Ashlynn's surprised by the words that come rushing out of her. "I'd love to! A kitten for Willow to grow up with?! That would be wonderful!"

Briar smiles widely, reaching across the table and squeezing Ashlynn's hands.

"Really?! You're sure?!"

Ashlynn giggles, delighted to see Briar so excited. Briar's been so stressed out, and seeing her radiating such joy is wonderful.

"Of course I'm sure!"

Briar squeals, squeezing Ashlynn's hands. "Yay!"

Ashlynn laughs happily, squeezing Briar's hands back, the fervent cheer inside of her bubbling up, almost too much to contain.

She squeaks in surprise when Briar suddenly jumps up, rushing around the table and dropping onto Ashlynn's lap. Ashlynn giggles as Briar plants her lips to her cheek. She closes her eyes as the girl's warm lips trail over her face, pressing soft kisses to her forehead, her chin, her nose. And when Briar ever so slowly pulls back and their eyes meet, brown gazing into emerald, both orbs bright with desire, Ashlynn lunges forward, a hunger she hadn't known was there rushing through her.

And as seconds of pure, unadulterated bliss pass and her body has never known such fire they both are certain of what they want. So, their lips never abandoning the other's, they stumble through the kitchen, down the hall, and into their bedroom. A feather soft bed awaits.

XXX

Ashlynn doesn't know how much later it is when she and Briar are lying side by side in bed, their bodies glistening with sweat. Their heavy breaths are the only sound she hears. Ashlynn's body is still buzzing with adrenaline. Despite how tired her body is, her mind is ablaze with thoughts, with emotions, with things to say to the woman beside her, the woman who manages to be so gentle but so passionate at the same time. She's absolutely magical. Ashlynn turns to face Briar, just barely able to make out the brown of her irises in the dimness of the bedroom. Still, her breath is taken away. There are a thousand things she wants to say, but what comes out is much more simple.

"It's been too long since we did that. That–that was magic." Her cheeks burn as she murmurs the next part. "You're magic."

Briar laughs softly. Ashlynn sighs contentedly as the girl's thumb brushes over her cheek.

"You're magic too, my love." Briar's voice is scarcely above a whisper. "I'm so happy you're in my life. You and Willow–" She breathes shakily, a sudden wave of emotion rushing through her voice–"you two are my world."

Ashlynn, chest warm with the love she feels for this incredible woman, grabs Briar's hand, pressing it to her lips. She peppers the girl's knuckles with kisses. As her lips linger on the sweaty skin, she breathes out a reply, one that doesn't make her hesitate, doesn't make her question the outcome, doesn't fill her with worry, as replies she makes on the spot often do. This is a reply that comes as simple as the beating of her heart.

"You and Willow are my world, too. Always."

XXX Tuesday December 15, 2020 10:34 am

The next morning, after a breakfast of French toast and berries, prepared by both Ashlynn and Briar, they drive to Hunter's house to pick up Willow. Cooking together is always a lovely experience. The two casually converse over the sizzling of the frying pan, laugh merrily as knives slice fruit and the oven beeps, share inside jokes as the chirps of birds ring through the morning sky. Briar hums along to the music on the car radio, Ashlynn absently tapping the beat of the song on the steering wheel as she drives through the winding neighborhoods. Her stomach tingles with butterflies. They're really doing this. They're getting a kitten. She's so excited but so nervous at the same time.

"Hey," Briar says softly, clearly sensing Ashlynn's anxiety. "We don't have to do this, you know. I get it if it's too soon."

"No," Ashlynn replies, her voice confident. "I do want this. I really do."

Ashlynn's telling the truth. She's ready for a new addition to their household. She's eager to save a life. She's ecstatic that she can give Willow this opportunity: to grow up with a pet by her side, just like Ashlynn and Briar had.

XXX 11:11 am

As Ashlynn steps through the entrance of the animal shelter and the anxiety she always feels at this place rears up, Briar instantly takes her hand, threading their fingers together in a secure grip. Ashlynn knows the animals here are well taken care of, but that still doesn't stop the sadness of knowing they don't have a home from enveloping her. But Briar squeezes her hand and gives her a reassuring smile, and Ashlynn knows she'll be okay. Willow rests on Briar's hip, her green eyes wide as she looks around the building.

They walk up to the front desk.

"Hey there, ladies," the receptionist says, her voice pleasant as she greets the girls. Her name tag says Lilly. "Here to adopt an animal today?"

Briar grins. "Yes, we're here to adopt a kitten.”

Lilly smiles brightly. "Alright, great! I'll show you to our kitten room. Take all the time you need, and when you find the one, we can figure out the paperwork."

Ashlynn and Briar smile, thanking her. She leads them down the hall, opens a door on the right, and they walk into the room.

“I’ll let you guys look around then,” Lilly says, giving them a smile before going back down the hall.

The room has a comfy feel to it, with a row of spacious kennels on the left, containing duos of kittens. Some are playing with toys and others are sleeping in their tiny beds. A few are out of their kennels, one swatting at a dangling toy one of the employees is swinging around. Ashlynn's chest immediately swells with pure adoration.

"Oh kingdoms, they're so little and cute!"

She blushes as she realizes how loudly she said that. Briar chuckles.

"I know, right?! Look at them!"

She lets go of Ashlynn's hand, turning to Willow whose arms are around her neck as she looks apprehensively around the room.

"Do you want to see the meow-meows, Willow?"

Ashlynn grins. Ever since Willow started talking, that’s what she’s called cats. Willow doesn't answer, but her gaze lands on one of the kittens on the floor. They have gray fur and sunny yellow eyes.

"Meow-meow," she says, pointing to the kitten.

Ashlynn laughs softly. She reaches over, gently tucking a lock of hair behind Willow's ear.

"Yes baby, it's a meow-meow!"

Willow, a shy smile on her face, kicks her legs, signaling she wants to be put down. Briar sets her on the floor, watching with a bright smile on her face as Willow slowly approaches the kitten. Ashlynn's smile is equally bright as she takes in the beauty of this moment.

"Hey there," an employee with long curly brown hair greets.

Her name tag says Elena. She stops swinging the cat toy, crouching down as Willow walks tentatively towards her and the kitten.

"This is Ruby," Elena says, her voice enthusiastic, reminding Ashlynn of the way Apple talks. "She's little just like you and she loves to play. Do you want to play with her?"

She holds out the toy. Willow slowly reaches out, accepting the toy.

"What do you say, Willow?" asks Ashlynn, her voice gentle.

"Thank you," Willow says to Elena, her voice small.

"Of course, sweetie."

Ashlynn watches as Willow slowly swings the toy. Ruby raises a paw, batting it. Willow steps back slightly, clearly a bit frightened. She looks back at Ashlynn and Briar, and Ashlynn gives her daughter an encouraging smile.

“It’s okay, honey! The meow-meow is just playing. Do you want to pet her instead?”

Willow nods before turning back to Ruby and slowly moving closer. She reaches out her hand, hesitating for a moment before placing it on Ruby’s head, slowly stroking down the kitten’s neck. Ruby steps closer to Willow, and as Willow pets the kitten’s neck again, Ruby rubs against her legs. Tears of joy brim in Ashlynn’s eyes. She laughs softly, giving Willow a thumbs up as the toddler turns back and looks at her, a slightly bemused expression on her face.

“That means she likes you, honey!” she exclaims.

“Yeah, she wants to be your friend, baby,” Briar adds.

A bright smile suddenly lights up Willow’s face.

“Friend!” she exclaims.

She crouches down, wrapping her arms around Ruby.

“Oh my goodness,” Ashlynn laughs, her voice slightly choked as tears of elation fill her eyes.

She feels silly for getting this emotional. But seeing Willow connect with this kitten has got to be one of the most beautiful things she’s ever witnessed. Of course Willow loved Dakota and that love will forever remain special, but the sad truth is, she won’t remember Dakota. Willow will spend her childhood with Ruby, and as this reality sinks in, she truly couldn't be happier. She turns to Briar who is smiling just as widely as her, and as Ashlynn guessed, there are tears in her eyes too.

“We’ll take her,” Briar says, her voice trembling with emotion.

Elena grins. “Wonderful!”

Her gaze then travels to the row of kennels.

“You know,” she says, “Ruby has a brother named Oliver. He’s in that kennel in the corner. And oh my goodness, he is so so sweet! Of course you don’t have to get him, but I just wanted to let you guys know.”

Ashlynn turns to Briar, and their eyes meet. By the smile on the girl's face, Ashlynn knows they’re thinking the same thing. Briar grins at her, and Ashlynn nods enthusiastically. They giggle.

“We’ll take him too!” Briar exclaims.

Elena smiles brightly. “Yay! Here, I’ll bring him out!”

She walks to the corner of the room and slowly opens the kennel door.

“Hey, baby boy,” she coos. “Time to come out and meet your new family.”

And when Elena brings Oliver out and Ashlynn lays her eyes on him, she falls in love instantly. He’s almost identical to Ruby, the only difference being that he’s a little fluffier. His sunflower eyes meet hers, and she knows right then and there that he and Ruby are going to be the perfect additions to their little family.

XXX Sunday January 21, 2018 (senior year of high school) 9:54 am

"It's going to be okay," Ashlynn murmurs as Briar shakes in her arms, weeping into her chest.

Ever since Briar's mother called her this morning and broke the news of the family's golden retriever Felix dying, Briar has been inconsolable. Ashlynn had immediately wrapped Briar in her arms when the girl told her, choking out the news between sobs. She'd guided her friend to her bed and drawn her into a warm embrace. Ashlynn's not sure how long the girl has been crying, just that her shirt is soaked with tears, that tears of her own are now streaming down her face. Seeing Briar like this hurts. 

"I just can't believe he's gone," Briar sobs, her arms wrapped loosely around Ashlynn's middle.

There's a certain gentleness to the way Briar holds her now, no doubt afraid that if she squeezes Ashlynn too tight she'll hurt the baby. She won't, but Briar is anxious like that. Ashlynn's eyes burn with more tears.

"I know, sweetie," she whispers. She strokes Briar's hair, lightly scratching her scalp as her fingers trail through the tresses. "I know. I'm so sorry."

Ashlynn doesn't think she's ever seen her so devastated before. She's been with Briar through the worst times in the girl's life, but she doesn't think she's ever seen her friend as heartbroken as she is now. Felix had been the girl’s best friend for as long as Briar could remember. She’s always loved and cared about him so much, and now he's gone.

Briar has been Ashlynn’s rock, the one person she knows she can rely on during this surprise pregnancy. She's been a constant supportive presence, a shoulder to cry on, a diligent caretaker throughout her terrible morning sickness and overall spiraling emotions. Now it's Ashlynn's turn to be there for Briar, and she's going to do everything she can to support her. She wishes more than anything that she could bring Felix back, that she could take Briar's pain away, but she can't. All she can do is hold her close and just be there.

She remembers when her own dog, Teddy, had passed away when she was in seventh grade. She remembers how Briar supported her, how she came to visit her the day it happened. Ashlynn had missed school that day, too devastated to do anything but lie in bed and cry. Briar had brought her her homework, and as soon as she saw Ashlynn sobbing in her bed, she'd hurried to her side and held her while she cried. Afterwards, she'd looked up "The Rainbow Bridge" poem on her phone and read it to her, held Ashlynn again when she burst into tears. She'd looked at pictures of Teddy with Ashlynn, stroked her hair as Ashlynn sniffled and laughed tearfully. She'd ended up staying the night, sleeping beside Ashlynn, holding her yet again when memories of Teddy plagued her sleep. Briar did everything she could to help her through her loss, and Ashlynn is determined to do the same for the girl.

"He's with Teddy now, baby," Ashlynn murmurs. "And they're so happy to see each other again." Her throat swells. "They're chasing each other around in a beautiful field just like old times. And believe me sweetheart, he's so so happy. I promise you." Briar cries harder, and unable to fight it back any longer, Ashlynn cries with her, soft sobs escaping her throat. Their babies are in a better place, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

XXX

After the storm passes, Ashlynn suggests they watch Briar’s favorite movie, 50 First Dates. It always cheers the girl up when she’s feeling down. Briar agrees, so after a call to room service for hot chocolate and popcorn, they snuggle up on Briar’s bed, her laptop propped in front of them. Ashlynn’s arm wrapped around Briar, Briar’s head lying on her shoulder, they watch the movie, sipping their hot chocolate and eating the popcorn. Ashlynn asked for extra butter, just the way Briar likes it. Briar eats the popcorn slowly, a disturbing contrast to how she usually devours it.

As the movie goes on, a silence both comfortable and tense stretches between the girls. Comfortable because they're together, because Briar is in her arms, because Ashlynn knows she's safe and loved with her friend by her side. But tense with the weight of Briar's grief, the pain Ashlynn can feel rolling out of the girl in waves.

Henry is trying to woo Lucy with a ukulele as they sit across from each other, a blazing orange bonfire between them. The ocean waves are rolling onto the shore, drifting back into the depths, pulling inland again. Ashlynn rests her cheek on Briar's head, listening to Henry’s voice blend with the bright ukulele music. Near the end of the movie, Briar lies down, resting her head on Ashlynn’s lap. Ashlynn grabs a pink, rose-patterned blanket from the end of Briar’s bed, draping it over the girl.

“Thanks,” Briar murmurs, her voice hoarse.

“Of course, sweetie,” Ashlynn whispers.

Silence falls over them again as the movie continues. Ashlynn absently runs her fingers through the girl’s tangled hair.

As the end credits roll, Ashlynn hears a sniffle. She looks down, and seeing the tears streaming down Briar’s cheeks, without a word she gently pulls the girl up and into her arms. She cradles her friend against her chest, strokes her chestnut brown hair, and within a few minutes Briar’s hiccups and whimpers peter out and are replaced by soft snores. Ashlynn, tears rolling down her face, slowly lies back, resting her head on a pillow. And with Briar draped over her, the girl's face buried in her neck, the exhaustion of the morning catches up with Ashlynn and she drifts off.

XXX

Ashlynn wakes up to Briar stirring. Blinking as Ashlynn adjusts to the sudden light, she manages a small smile when Briar lifts her head, looking at her with puffy eyes.

“Hey, baby,” Ashlynn murmurs.

She reaches out, stroking her thumb over Briar’s cheek. Briar takes a moment to answer, clearly still drowsy, as she rubs her eyes and yawns.

“Hey,” she croaks.

Ashlynn smiles sympathetically, gently brushing the hair out of Briar’s face.

“You feeling any better?” she asks, her voice soft.

Briar shrugs, her gaze distant. Ashlynn bites her lip, starting to feel concerned.

“Hey, you know what might be good?” Ashlynn says. “A nice hot shower. Then you can get some nice fresh jammies on and just chill the rest of the day. Does that sound good, hon?”

Briar’s expression never changes. She just stares at Ashlynn, her eyes unfocused.

Just when Ashlynn is getting really worried, her heart beginning to pound, the girl speaks.

“Sure.”

Ashlynn nods, breathing out a sigh of relief. It’s a one-word answer, but it’s an answer at least.

“Okay, I’ll go get you some pajamas.”

“Okay,” Briar whispers. Her gaze starting to focus, she gives Ashlynn a small, pained smile. “Thank you.”

Ashlynn smiles softly. “Of course, love.”

She leans in, kissing the girl's cheek.

As Ashlynn walks over to Briar’s dresser to get a pair of pajamas, she takes her Mirrorphone out of her pocket. 3:26 pm. Wow, they slept a long time. She checks her notifications. Three missed calls from Hunter, as well as nine hexts. As she looks through the hexts, tears threaten to fill her eyes.

[Hunter 1:37 pm]  Baby please can we talk?

[Hunter 1:39 pm] I know you're struggling and it's killing me that I can't help you. 😢💕

[Hunter 1:42 pm]  Ash please. Whatever I did, I'm sorry! I love you so much! 💖

She bites down hard on her lip, refusing the overwhelming urge to cry. They haven't talked properly for two weeks, ever since Ashlynn found out about her pregnancy. After she ran away crying when he tried to talk to her, he hasn't tried again. The pain in his eyes when she passes him in the halls or spots him across the castleteria makes her want to sob every time. She hates that she's doing this to him. She hates that she's doing this to their relationship. She hates what she's become. But, the print of the hext blurring as her eyes glisten with tears, she shoves the part of her that wants to respond down. Briar needs her right now. She'll have to deal with this later.

XXX

After Briar showers, Ashlynn orders them soup from room service, chicken noodle for Briar and minestrone for herself, and they snuggle up in bed together again with their food, watching The Office. It's strange to witness Briar being so quiet. The girl isn't even laughing at the funny scenes in the show that she always finds hilarious, no matter how many times she's watched it. She just slowly eats her soup, face blank as she silently watches the show. Ashlynn bites her lip, trying to pay attention to the show. Briar will be okay, she reassures herself. She's just sad right now. Things will get better soon.

When Ashlynn finishes her soup, she puts her arm around Briar, resting her cheek on the girl's head. Briar's hair is damp and smells like roses. Ashlynn isn't sure whether the affection comforts Briar or herself more. Still, Briar leans into Ashlynn, lying her head on her shoulder, and Ashlynn knows that she's helping her friend somewhat, even if she can't make everything better. She never will be able to make everything okay for everybody, and she has to accept that. Life isn't perfect. Far from it.

XXX

Eventually, Briar falls asleep in Ashlynn's lap, and after trying to focus on the show for a while, Ashlynn decides she has to hext Hunter back, no matter how much the fear is paralyzing her. She stares at her Mirrorphone screen, her mind spinning as she tries to think of what to say. Her thoughts are like gelatin, the stress of the last two weeks holding her in limbo.

Finally, she snaps herself out of her stupor and, with trembling hands, types.

[Ashlynn 3:26 pm] Hey sweetie. I don't even know what to say. What I've done is inexcusable and I wish that I could go back and change the way I've acted. I know how much I hurt you and I'm so so sorry. I'm not mad at you. You did NOTHING wrong. Something happened and I'm struggling. But I'd like to talk to you tomorrow. I want to see you again. I miss you. 💕

Squeezing her eyes shut, she clicks send. Immediately, Hunter starts typing, dots dancing across the screen. Her jaw aches from how tight she's clenching it. She can't move a muscle, an unseeable force holding her in place.

Only when her Mirrorphone vibrates is she slowly able to lift up the device and lower her eyes to the screen.

[Hunter 3:28 pm] Hey baby. I completely understand. I know you didn't mean to hurt me. I just feel so horrible that I haven't been able to be there for you. I'm just so happy to be talking with you again. You mean everything to me. I'm really looking forward to talking tomorrow. After school in the enchanted forest sound good? And want to have lunch together?

Tears of relief and joy stream down Ashlynn's cheeks. Hunter isn't angry with her. He understands. He loves her. So much. And it’s with this affirmation warm in her chest that gives her the courage she needs. She’s going to tell Hunter tomorrow about her pregnancy. That they’re having a baby. Together. Her eyes watering, she types four words that she feels with every inch of her being.

[Ashlynn 3:30 pm] I love you.

Suddenly remembering his question after she sends the hext, she quickly types: Yes, lunch sounds great! 😁

A moment later her Mirrorphone vibrates again.

[Hunter 3:32 pm] I love you too. 💚

And she smiles more genuinely than she has in weeks.

XXX

Ashlynn and Briar sleep side by side that night, Ashlynn’s arm wrapped loosely around the girl. Ashlynn drifts in and out of sleep, waking every so often to Briar’s whimpers, the girl stuck in nightmares that refuse to flee. Ashlynn simply strokes her hair, whispers comforting words, and Briar’s distressed noises that tug at Ashlynn’s insides die out, replaced by soft snores.

Sometime in the night, she’s yanked from a light slumber by Briar sniffling, choking back sobs. Ashlynn pulls her friend close, whispers sweet nothings that her own foggy mind hardly registers.

“I had a nightmare,” Briar squeaks.

“I’m right here,” Ashlynn murmurs.

She quietly shushes the girl, slowly runs her fingers through her gnarled hair, and gradually Briar calms, falling back into a fitful sleep.

Ashlynn lies awake for a long time. She doesn’t move a muscle as the girl slumbers in her arms. Thoughts swirl through her head in an endless loop. Briar. Hunter. The baby. My parents. They’ll be mad. Briar. I’ve got to be there for her. Hunter. I have to tell him. I have to be a good girlfriend. I have to be a good friend. I have to be a good mom. I’m scared.

XXX Monday January 22, 2018 7:41 am

"Are you sure you're okay to go to classes today?" Ashlynn asks, her brow creased with concern as she looks at Briar, who's sitting at her vanity, putting the finishing touches on her makeup.

Ashlynn was surprised when Briar got right out of bed this morning, quickly showering and dressing. She was expecting the girl to be slow moving at least. But Briar applies her mascara and lipstick as methodically as usual, and her outfit is stylish as ever.

"Yup," Briar replies. "All good."

She gives Ashlynn a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. Ashlynn bites her lip.

She's about to ask if she's sure she's okay before pressing her lips together. As worried as she is about her friend, she shouldn't nag. The last thing she wants to do is frustrate Briar and make her feel worse. So, she simply nods, giving Briar an encouraging smile.

"Alright. Just shoot me a text if you need anything when we're in separate classes, okay sweetie?"

Briar nods, her smile now genuine as she looks at Ashlynn.

"Thank you for taking care of me," she says. "It means a lot. I don't know what I'd do without you."

Ashlynn smiles, her cheeks suddenly warming.

"Of course," she replies, her voice soft. "I'll always be here for you. You know that."

Briar nods. "I do."

The expression on the girl's face is of both gratitude and solemn understanding. And Ashlynn gazes into Briar's eyes, she feels the same way. Gratitude that she has Briar, the girl that she trusts with her life by her side, but solemn because she knows there's so much pain and struggle ahead. She just repeats to herself over and over the one thought that consoles her a bit: they have each other.

XXX 12:37 pm

Ashlynn sits with Hunter and Briar at lunch. Ashlynn's stomach is a flurry of butterflies as she sits beside Hunter, acutely aware of the space between them. It feels surreal to be so close to him after so long. They're so close, yet Ashlynn still feels like they're still so far. She needs to settle things between them later. She just has to. She'd asked Briar to join her at lunch for moral support, but mostly Ashlynn wants to be by her friend's side as much as possible right now. Even if Briar's powering through her grief, she's still hurting.

Apple and Darling are sitting across the castleteria just the two of them, and Ashlynn and Briar know better than to interrupt. Whenever Ashlynn sees the true loves together, their romance clear as day but not yet cemented, she can't help but think of Briar, of her drunken confession that she had had a crush on Apple when they were younger. They'd never discussed it again, and Ashlynn doesn't even know if Briar remembers anything from that night. Ashlynn's not sure if Briar would want somebody to talk about it with, but she's too afraid to bring it up. She doesn't want to embarrass Briar, and the poor girl already has enough going on. So, she's decided not to mention the topic for now. Things might change, but right now she's just going to be there for Briar and not open any doors that may be better off closed.

"I'm sorry to hear about Felix," Hunter says, his voice soft.

Ashlynn had quickly brought him up to date on what happened before Briar joined them. Ashlynn can see the subtle change in Briar's demeanor from across the table, the tensing of her shoulders, the slight clench of her jaw. Little things most people wouldn't notice. But Ashlynn does.

"Thank you, Hunter," Briar says quietly. "It's alright. He was really old."

Hunter's eyes are filled with compassion and understanding as he gazes at Briar.

"It's still hard, though," he says. "It's okay to be sad."

In this moment, Ashlynn is reminded of why she's so attracted to Hunter. The way he treats everybody with empathy and kindness. Nothing can compare.

XXX 4:03 pm

The Enchanted Forest is quieter than usual as Ashlynn and Hunter sit side by side on a log, the glade covered in sheets of fresh sparkling snow. The animals are cuddled up in their burrows. There's only them, bodies stiff, too hesitant to touch. The air is frigid, but droplets of sweat are forming on Ashlynn's forehead. She's shaking, but not from the cold. From the fear that freezes her insides, colder than the snow could ever be. She closes her eyes, taking a deep, trembling breath.

She flinches as Hunter takes her hands, startled by the sudden contact. He instinctively releases them. His eyes are wide.

"I'm sorry," he says, his voice uncertain. "Are-are you okay, Ash?"

She sharply exhales, her heart racing. Shaking her head, she quickly grabs Hunter's hands.

"Yes!" she exclaims, wincing as it comes out much louder than she intended.

Hunter starts, and she almost laughs. Their roles reversed pretty fast there. Instead, she laces their fingers together, gently squeezing.

"I'm sorry," she says, her voice suddenly soft. "It's not you. This is all me. I just–" Her voice breaks as everything overwhelms her at once.

The confession that's weighing her chest down like a boulder; what this means for them; everything they're going to face from others–the disappointment, the shock, the revulsion; that she has a life inside of her, a life that's her responsibility to grow, to nurture, to protect. She doesn't know if she can do it all.

"What did you just say?" Hunter asks.

Ashlynn blinks. Why does he sound shocked? Then she comes to a realization that fills her with dread–she just thought out loud. She looks at Hunter, panic rising in her chest.

"Did you just say you're not strong enough? Ash..why would you say that?"

She opens and closes her mouth, unable to speak all of a sudden. Her heart is beating so fast, the thumping is all she hears.

Just when she registers that she probably looks like a fish, her mouth moving open and shut, she's pulled forward into Hunter's arms. He draws her in gently, but the sudden embrace startles her. Her heart pounds even harder as he hugs her tight, his warm hand pressed to the back of her head.

"Baby, you're shaking," he whispers. "What's going on? You can tell me. I'm right here."

The concern in his voice–it's so gentle yet urgent, and it fills Ashlynn with an emotion she can't quite identify. But she feels his warmth, his love, his devotion, and it begins to pull everything she's kept harbored within her to the surface.

She quickly pulls away, and mustering all the courage within her, which doesn't feel like much, looks into his coffee brown eyes.

"Hunter, I'm–" Her throat suddenly feels swollen. She swallows thickly. "I'm…"

Hunter takes her hands in his, squeezing. "You can do it, baby. Just tell me. I won't judge. I promise."

It's the gentleness of his voice, the softness in his eyes, the kindness in his heart, that finally tugs out everything she's kept inside, the secret that pulses with pain every time she takes a breath.

The words she says next feels to her like they're being spoken by another person. "I'm pregnant."

She can only stand to look at the expression of pure shock and confusion on his face for one second before she buries her face in her hands, bursting into tears.

"I'm so sorry!" she sobs. "I don't know what happened! We were so careful! We used protection and–and I just don't know how this happened! I guess it can malfunction sometimes, but why to us?! We're so young, Hunter! We're only teenagers! How are we going to do this?! How are we going to freaking do this?!"

Just as she's about to descend into a full on panic, she's ensconced in warm, strong arms, arms that hold her tight against an even warmer body. She buries her face in his neck, inhaling the familiar scent of pine. Her body shudders with sobs.

Gradually, her frame relaxes as he rubs her back. He's silent for a few minutes, letting her cry, and when her sobs begin to die down, he speaks, his voice gentler than Ashlynn's ever heard it.

"Ash, listen to me. I don't know how this happened either, and I know it's not ideal. But–" His voice breaks, sudden emotion overcoming him. He takes a deep breath. "But you're the love of my life. I know how strong and brave you are, and I know that you can do this. I know that we can do this. Together. Like we always do with any struggle that comes our way."

He shakily exhales, pressing his lips to her head. She can feel him trembling, and she realizes how scared he is too. This isn't all about her. So, she wraps her arms around him tighter, threading shaking fingers through his hair. They stay like that a long time, each silently supporting the other.

When they hear the haunting hoot of an owl and suddenly register the increasing cold of the evening winter air, they slowly draw back. They both wipe their eyes, and meeting each other's gazes, they laugh softly. Just looking at each other and knowing that that person unconditionally has your back is a joyful feeling that lights up their faces, wide grins replacing their solemn expressions. As their smiles fade and their eyes lock, two perfectly fitting keys, they lean in. Ashlynn's never felt such relief at the sensation of their lips connecting, the seamless combination of softness and passion the kiss holds. Finally, some of this crushing weight is freed from her chest, flying like ghosts into the twilight.

As they slowly draw away, their foreheads stay touching. Hunter strokes his thumb over her cheek. The brown of his irises have never looked so beautiful as his eyes gaze into hers.

"Ashlynn Ella," he whispers, his breath warm against her face, "please understand this. I will always be by your side. I will always care for you. I will always protect you. And I'll do the same for our child."

Eyes welling with tears of gratitude, Ashlynn nods, running her hand over his hair before drawing him into another embrace. She rests her head against his chest, feels the steady beat of his heart against her ear, and for the first time in weeks, finally relaxes.

XXX 6:16 pm

When Ashlynn returns to her dorm, Briar's lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Only when Ashlynn shuts the door does Briar quickly sit up, her eyes wide with shock. Ashlynn is about to ask if she's okay when Briar speaks.

"Hey, Ash! Did everything go okay?"

Ashlynn smiles softly, walking over to Briar's bed and sitting beside the girl.

"Yeah, it did," she says, her voice breathless.

She realizes in this moment the gravity of what she's just done, the bravery it had taken, and she's suddenly at a loss for words. All she can do is marvel at how much easier it is now to breathe. She'd forgotten how naturally it comes. And it's such a relief, her eyes fill with tears.

"Hey," Briar whispers. "You okay?" She places her hand on Ashlynn's shoulder.

"Yeah, I am." Ashlynn sniffs. "It–It just feels so good to breathe."

Briar smiles gently at her. "I'm so glad, Ash. I'm so glad."

She reaches out, brushing her thumb over Ashlynn's cheek. Her eyes suddenly widen.

"Kingdoms, Ash, you're freezing! Were you outside this whole time?!"

Ashlynn suddenly realizes that she's shivering and her teeth are chattering. How had she not noticed? And then the cold fully registers. She wraps her arms around herself, her body quaking.

"God, how did I not realize?" Briar mutters. "Here, you need a hot shower."

Briar pats her shoulder before crossing the room and pulling out a pair of flannel pajamas from Ashlynn's dresser.

"These good?" she asks, holding them up.

They're mint green and patterned with pink roses. Ashlynn had gotten them because they reminded her of Briar. She flushes, suddenly nervous that Briar would realize this. Why would it matter anyways, though? Ashlynn's mind attempts to reason with her. It would just be–embarrassing. That's all.

"Ash, are you okay?" Briar's voice pulls Ashlynn from her spiral.

Ashlynn looks up.

"Yeah." She laughs nervously. "Of course."

She stands, taking the pajamas from Briar. "Thank you."

Briar's lips are pursed, her brow creased with concern. No doubt her friend thinks she's delirious. Knowing that the girl is seconds away from dragging her to the nurse's office, Ashlynn attempts a convincing smile. Hopefully Briar buys it. Briar analyzes her a second longer before giving Ashlynn a small smile and taking her hand.

"Come on. I'll walk with you to the showers."

Ashlynn grins, squeezing the girl's hand. "Thanks."

XXX

After Ashlynn showers, she feels quite a bit better. But even after putting on her pajamas, chills simply won't stop dancing down her spine. She can still feel goosebumps covering her arms.

As she enters her dorm, her eyes immediately land on Briar who is sitting in her bed, typing something on her laptop. The girl looks up and smiles.

"Hey there. You feeling any better?"

"Yeah," Ashlynn replies.

She smiles at Briar, crossing the room and settling next to her.

"Whatcha doing?" she asks.

"I thought we could snuggle up with some blankets and watch a movie," Briar explains. "Does that sound good?"

"That sounds lovely," Ashlynn agrees. "What do you want to watch?"

"Your choice," Briar says, grinning at Ashlynn. "I'm not the one who just nearly froze to death!"

Ashlynn rolls her eyes playfully.

"Well, that's not quite how I remember it, but whatever you say, my dear."

She smirks at Briar as the girl gasps in mock offense.

"Are you really saying I didn't just save you from frostbite?!" She claps her hand over her chest dramatically.

Ashlynn snorts. "Well, when you put it that way–" She leans over, booping Briar on the nose. "You're my hero, Briar Beauty."

Briar stares at her, eyes wide, cheeks suddenly rosy. She shakes her head then, like she's coming out of a trance. 

"Well–" Her voice is soft, "count yourself lucky that you're my hero, too."

Ashlynn beams at Briar. She sighs happily.

Briar grins. "So, what movie do you want to watch?"

Ashlynn tries to think, but is coming up empty.

"Would it be okay if you pick?" she asks. She laughs nervously. "I just can't think right now."

Briar smiles reassuringly. "Of course, Ash. Does a more low-key movie sound good? Maybe something that we used to watch as kids? Ooh, maybe Matilda! Remember that? It's about the little girl with magical powers who has those terrible parents but then she gets that awesome teacher who lives in the cutest little cottage?"

Ashlynn grins. "Oh yeah, I remember that! That's a great movie! Let's watch it!"

Briar beams. "Awesome! Let's get this party going!"

She and Ashlynn chuckle. Briar loads Hexflix and queues up the movie.

Then she grabs two blankets from the end of the bed. She holds one out to Ashlynn.

"Here you go, hon." Then she frowns.

"What's wrong?" Ashlynn asks.

"You're still shivering. Oh, baby. Here, I'll warm you up."

Scooting closer to Ashlynn, she puts one of the blankets, a flannel magenta one, around Ashlynn. Then, moving even closer, she wraps her arms around Ashlynn, pulling the girl close.

"Is this okay?" Briar asks.

"Of course," Ashlynn replies, snuggling into the embrace. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, baby," Briar murmurs.

She presses a gentle kiss to the top of Ashlynn's head. She sighs contentedly as Briar starts the movie.

As the movie goes on, Ashlynn grows warmer and warmer. She rests her head on Briar's shoulder, her body relaxing more and more as her friend runs her fingers through her hair.

Matilda is applying Super Super Glue to her father's hat, on a mission to give him a taste of his own medicine, and Briar speaks, her voice soft.

"Are you warm yet?"

Ashlynn sure is, but suddenly she's afraid that Briar will let go of her if she says that she is. Wanting nothing more than the girl's arms around her, she whispers,

"Almost."

Briar holds her even closer. And Ashlynn has never been so warm.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 24: You're Perfect)

Monday December 14, 2020 (Present Time) 12:36 pm

Darling sits on a stone bench in the university courtyard, surrounded by beds of dead flowers as she slowly chews her ham sandwich. The sky is a dreary gray and light raindrops have begun to fall. Students gradually make their way into the building, the rain driving them away. But Darling doesn’t care. Getting a little wet is the least of her concerns. She envies these people who only have rain and exams to worry about, not brothers with severe memory loss, confused and emotionally shattered, confined to a lumpy bed in their hospital room. She sighs, tears threatening to take over. She bites down on her lip hard, pressing her teeth against the soft skin until she tastes blood.

“Stop, Darling,” she growls. “Calm down. Stop being such a crybaby.”

The amount of times that she’s cried in the last week is incredibly frustrating to her. She’s at least started to accept over the past few years that it’s okay to cry, that she’s only human. But this much? She feels weak, stupid, more vulnerable than she’s ever been. She’s scared. And just that realization is enough to fill her gut with dread, to produce more tears. She’s always prided herself on being brave.

When she was little, her father had always told her what a fighter she is. "My little fighter," he’d say. "So strong and brave. Nothing can scare you." Well, he was wrong, she thinks bitterly. She’s scared, more than she’s ever been, more than she thought possible. Questions constantly race through her mind, questions that leave her chest aching and hollow. Will Dexter ever be the same? Will he be okay? Is she strong enough to be there for him, to be the support system he needs right now? Does she have it in her? Tears are dripping from her eyes now like the rain falling around her, rolling down her cheeks.

“Fuck,” she hisses.

She roughly wipes them away, biting down on her lip even harder. More blood pools on the delicate skin. Furiously, her heart racing, she punches her thighs. Harder and harder until the impact is sure to leave bruises. She can hear Apple’s stern voice in her head, ordering her to not hurt herself. Apple isn’t here, though. Nobody is. She’s alone. Apple is just a phone call away, her mind insists. All your friends are. But she can’t call them. She just can’t. She has to be strong. She’s been constantly relying on her loved ones, and the thought of her weakness, her vulnerability that she can’t shake, is making her stomach ache. She squeezes her eyes shut, distantly aware of how fast her breathing is getting.

The ring of the school bell, signaling her next class, pierces through the haziness that's come over her mind.

“Come on, Darling,” she growls.

She winces as she realizes how loud she just was, glancing sheepishly at the few students remaining on the courtyard who are giving her curious looks. She looks down, forcing herself to take a few shaky breaths. Gradually, the tightness in her chest loosens somewhat. She looks up, eyes suddenly heavy as she looks through the sheets of rain. God, she just wants to sleep, allow these nagging thoughts that plague her to fade away. She can’t, though. She needs to go to class. As much as she wants to curl up in her bed and never get out, she knows she has to function no matter how difficult it is. She just has to. For Dexter, for Apple, for her friends. For herself, a voice in her mind whispers. So, with a final deep breath, she stands up, slings her bookbag over her shoulder, and on trembling legs makes her way to class.

XXX 3:14 pm

The warmth of the car's heater immediately spreads through Darling’s shivering body as she gets into the car, settling in the passenger's seat.

"Hello, sweetie,” Apple says, giving her a bright smile that warms Darling to the core, drawing the cold from her body.

“Hey, baby,” Darling replies, wincing at how small her voice sounds.

She clears her throat, flushing at the slightly quizzical look her girlfriend is giving her. She looks down at the dashboard, noticing the tray of Starbucks drinks. She grins at Apple.

“Is that a gingerbread latte?”

Apple giggles, smiling widely.

“That it is, my love,” she says happily. She leans over, giving Darling’s cheek a peck. Darling flushes, even more warmth flooding through her chest. “Your favorite.”

As Apple draws away, Darling leans forward, grabbing Apple by the shoulders and pulling her in for a kiss. Apple squeals with surprise before giggling, pressing her lips firmly against Darling’s, deepening the kiss. Darling finally feels the weight on her chest lift a little, the pure bliss of being here with the love of her life in their toasty car, filling her with contentment. She wants to stay this way forever, wrapped in the arms of her beloved, sheltered from the frigid air outside, from the hospital she soon has to go to, from the sight of her brother lying pale and bruised in a bed. So, she savors the feel of Apple’s arms around her while she can, breathing in her familiar comforting scent. Breathing comes easier to her as she feels her heart rate gradually slowing down.

“I love you,” Apple whispers, her breath hot against Darling’s ear.

Daring sighs happily, nuzzling her face deeper into her girlfriend’s shoulder. “I love you too.”

XXX 3:42 pm

Apple’s arm is heavy around Darling’s shoulders as they walk down the hospital halls. Usually Apple’s arm wrapped around her brings Darling solace. Knowing that her girlfriend is there for her, is right beside her and isn’t going anywhere, is the most comforting feeling in the world. But right now it does nothing to alleviate the weight in her chest. The weight that had lifted in the car when she was tight in Apple’s embrace, the girl’s soft lips warming every inch of her body. Now as she walks through the dimly lit building, the smell of antiseptic burning her nose, she’s suddenly overcome with cold. She crosses her arms over her chest, her teeth chattering. Apple seems to notice, wrapping her arm tighter around Darling’s shoulders.

“Are you cold, baby?” Apple asks, her voice soft.

Darling slowly nods.

“Aww,” Apple coos, her voice filled with sympathy. “I’m sure there’s a blanket in the room you could use. Or I can go down to the car to get you one. I’m pretty sure we have a few in the back from when we went to the drive-in movie. I...”

“Apple, I’m fine,” Darling snaps.

She pulls away from Apple. Shame instantly floods her chest, burning hot, as she sees the sad frown washing over her girlfriend’s face, the tears that sparkle in her stormy blue eyes.

“Apple, I...” Her voice trembles.

The sudden urge to cry overcomes her. She lets out a shaky breath. She knows that if she says anything more she’ll start sobbing, so she turns away from Apple, walking faster toward Dexter’s room. She bites her lip, willing back the tears like she’s done so often the past week. Not now, Darling, her mind hisses. The voice is like a snake, angry and venomous. She has no idea where all this anger is coming from. Why she wants to scream, grab the chair by the room they’re passing and throw it. Why she snapped at Apple like that, her girlfriend who just wants to help, who has done so much for her, made her feel so loved. Nice going, Darling, her mind rasps. Look what you did now. You hurt Apple. Just like you hurt everybody around you by being so weak.

She doesn’t realize she’s punching her thighs until warm hands grip hers, pulling them away from her body. Her eyesight is slightly blurry as she looks up, slowly registering that Apple is in front of her, holding her hands. The girl squeezes tight, the firm grip grounding Darling, focusing her vision. Darling swallows, the lump in her throat growing as she sees the concern on her girlfriend’s face. Darling opens her mouth, wanting to speak, to tell Apple how sorry she is for hurting her, but no words will come out. She clears her throat, forcing a small smile onto her face. She doesn’t want Apple to worry about her more than she already is. For now, she needs to put on an act. And she hopes that it works, that her girlfriend’s perceptiveness doesn’t see through the facade Darling has built up. The facade she desperately tries to wear for Apple, for her family, for her friends, for herself. She watches Apple’s face slowly fall before being replaced by a soft smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Apple reaches out, giving Darling’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“You ready to go in?” she asks, her voice soft.

Darling turns, blinking as she suddenly realizes they’re standing in front of Dexter’s room.

“Oh,” she mutters. She clears her throat. “Yeah.”

Apple gives her an encouraging smile, reaching out, offering Darling her hand. Darling accepts, grasping Apple’s hand, gently squeezing.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, looking down at their intertwined fingers. She sighs softly, forcing herself to look up, to meet Apple’s gaze. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I know you were just trying to help. And you have helped. So, so much. I’m-I’m sorry.” Despite all her stubbornness to hold back what she’s feeling, her voice breaks.

“Oh, Darling,” Apple whispers, her eyes glistening with tears. She reaches out, ever so gently brushing a curl back from Darling’s forehead, tucking it behind her ear. “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. I’m not upset with you. I understand.”

Darling lets out a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding, a little bit of the tension receding from her body. She messed up. She’s messed up so much. But at least she has Apple’s forgiveness. At least her girlfriend won’t resent her for her behavior. The thought of any resentment from the woman she loves so dearly spreads a chill down her spine. She shakes her head. Apple wouldn’t resent her. Not for this.

So, with a deep breath and a fierce determination flowing through her veins, she walks into the room, Apple at her side.

When they enter the room and Darling sees Dexter lying in bed, his head propped up against a mountain of pillows, she immediately knows something is off. The light in Dexter’s eyes isn’t there. His shoulders are slumped, his head low. Something is wrong.

“Dexter,” she breathes.

As much as she wants to rush to his side, she doesn’t want to overwhelm him. He’s vulnerable right now, more vulnerable than he has ever been. She has to handle this carefully. She slowly makes her way to his bed.

“Hey, Dexter,” she says, her voice soft.

He looks up, giving her a small smile that she can tell immediately is forced. His eyes remain dim.

“Can I sit?” she asks.

She’s unaccustomed to being so cautious around her brother, but she knows that now is the time to take things slow, to be gentler than ever. He’s so fragile. The thought threatens to once again bring tears to her eyes. She won’t let them come, though. She can’t. Dexter needs her right now. He slowly nods, giving her a tight smile. Darling can see the pain in his eyes.

She sits down, her body rigid, unable to relax as she watches Dexter turn his head away. She looks over at Apple who is still standing near the door, her eyes wide with concern. When Apple locks eyes with her, her demeanor changes, an encouraging smile lighting up her face. Some of the tension recedes from Darling’s body as she looks at her beautiful girlfriend, at the gorgeous smile that is for her, only for her. Darling’s heart belongs to Apple, and Apple’s heart belongs to Darling. Having this knowledge, this certainty that rests in her heart no matter what is thrown at them, is enough to draw some of the tension from her body. Enough to give her the strength to scoot closer to Dexter, to cautiously rest her hand on his back.

“Dexter,” she says, her voice soft. She tries not to sound as scared as she feels. “Are you okay?”

She registers immediately how stupid of a question that is. Of course he’s not okay. Kingdoms, she’s so stupid! A little bit of hope awakens in her chest, though, as he turns to her, slowly meeting her gaze. She softly gasps as she notices the tears swimming in his midnight blue eyes.

“Dexter,” she whispers.

She scoots closer, shifting her body so that she’s sitting in front of him. She reaches out, tentatively wrapping her fingers around his. She lets out a small relieved sigh when he squeezes her hands. She squeezes back, holding his hands tight. He takes a shaky breath.

“No Darling, I’m not okay. I keep having nightmares.” Tears drip from his eyes, rolling down his cheeks. “Nightmares about dragons, dragons that want to hurt me. No, kill me. They want to kill me, Darling.” He chokes back a sob.

“Oh, Dexter,” Darling murmurs.

She can feel tears rising in her eyes. One spills down her cheek. Then another. There’s no stopping them now.

“A dragon ruined my life, Darling!” Dexter yells.

Darling gasps, her heart pounding with shock at Dexter’s sudden mood change. He rips his hands away from hers. His entire body is shaking. His cheeks are suddenly flushed. She can see the rage overcoming him. She needs to calm him down.

“Shhh,” she soothes, reaching out her hands placatingly. “Dexter, it’s okay! You’re okay! Just take a deep breath. I’m here.”

“No, it’s not okay!” he yells, louder and angrier than before. Darling flinches, unable to fight the urge to scoot back. “I’m not okay! I’m never going to be okay again!”

He grabs strands of his hair, pulling. He growls, the raspy noise sending a chill through Darling. She scoots farther back.

“Dexter, please!” She’s sobbing now. She’s not sure when she’d started. “I know it’s not okay, but I promise it will be! Please, just calm down!”

“No!” he roars.

Darling registers what happens next in flashes. He’s reaching toward the nightstand. He’s picking up a book. He draws his arm back. By the time Darling realizes what he’s doing, it’s too late to stop him.

“Dexter, no!” she screeches.

She dives toward him, but the book is already sailing through the air. It narrowly misses Apple. Apple shrieks, dodging to the side. The book crashes into the wall. A loud slam echoes through the air. Darling jumps out of the bed. 

“Apple, are you okay?!” Darling yells, heaving with sobs as she rushes to her girlfriend’s side.

She reaches out, putting her hands on Apple’s shoulders. The girl nods, her eyes wide with fear.

“Yeah,” she says, her voice shaking. “I’m fine.”

Darling opens her mouth to say more, but her sobs overwhelm her. She can’t speak. She bends over, her hands on her knees as nausea overcomes her.

“Is everything okay in here?!” a woman exclaims.

It must be a nurse, Darling thinks faintly.

“Yes, everything’s fine!” says Apple, her voice tight with anxiety. “We’re fine! Thank you for checking in.”

“Of course, Your Highness,” the nurse replies. “Just give me a holler if there’s anything you guys need!”

“We will, ma’am,” Apple says. “Thank you.”

The nurse’s footsteps recede. Darling feels Apple’s hand on her back.

“Darling, are you okay?! It’s okay! You’re okay! Everything will be okay!” Apple’s crying now, too.

Darling looks up and through blurry eyes sees Dexter, his knees drawn to his chest, rocking side to side with the force of his sobs. Darling is hurting. She’s scared. She feels utterly helpless. But she knows that Dexter is feeling all these things, but so much worse.

So, sobs still racking her frame, she runs to his side. She jumps onto the bed, throwing her arms around him, pulling him tight against her body.

“Shhh,” she soothes. She sobs and hiccups and coughs, but still she forces herself to speak. “Shhh. I’m here, Dex. I’m here.”

She feels a sudden but gentle force as Apple joins the embrace. Apple’s hand is on her back, gently stroking, giving Darling the reassurance she needs to soothe Dexter, to be there for her brother. Even in the midst of all this agony, she feels so loved, enveloped in the embrace of two of her favorite people. Her true love, the woman she knows with an unwavering certainty she wants to spend the rest of her life with, and her baby brother, the man she loves so much it hurts. This hurts. Everything hurts.

XXX 4:44 pm

Dexter has cried himself to sleep. Darling’s stomach churns with nausea as Apple grabs her hands, helping her out of the bed. She places her hand on Darling’s back.

“Here, baby. Why don’t you sit?”

Darling nods, leaning on Apple as the girl leads her the short distance to the chair by the bed, supporting her weight as she sits down. Darling isn’t crying anymore. She’s not sure when she’d stopped. She feels numb. Cold. Stuck. On the inside and out. She watches through hazy eyes as Apple covers Dexter up with the blanket. She then takes her phone out.

Darling must close her eyes because suddenly Apple is in front of her, reaching her hand out.

“Come on, baby. Daring and Rosabella are going to come here and take over for us. Let’s go home.”

Darling looks over at her sleeping brother. Her stomach tightens, her nausea elevating. Apple puts a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Here sweetie, I’ll help you up.” Her voice is soft. “Let’s go.”

Darling barely registers what is happening as Apple leads her through the hospital, her arm around her shoulders, grounding her to the little bit of reality Darling can still comprehend. Darling feels the chill of the air as they exit the hospital. She hears the crunch of the snow under her boots. She feels the warmth of the car’s heater as Apple starts the ignition. She struggles to buckle her seatbelt, her hands numb. Just as Apple is reaching over to help her, though, she hears the click of the buckle. The motor grinds as Apple backs up the car, swivels to the right, and drives away into the night.

XXX 5:22 pm

The entryway is dark as Darling and Apple walk in. Apple flicks the light switch on at the end of the hall.

“Raven’s with Blondie and Cupid tonight, so we’ve got the house to ourselves,” says Apple.

Darling slowly nods, only partially aware of what her girlfriend is saying. Apple takes her hand, leading her into the kitchen where the light is glowing, illuminating the mahogany wood of the dining table. Darling gazes at the light shining on the table, eyes heavy as she stares.

She’s drawn from her daze by Apple who gently grasps her hands. She looks up at her girlfriend, getting lost in the vibrant blue of her eyes. Blue like the ocean. The ocean. The ocean would be so lovely to see right now. To be at the beach. To dig her toes into the soft sand, to watch the waves roll in and out. Oh, how she wishes she was there right now. Not in this house with reminders of what had once been surrounding her. Her attention is drawn to a picture of her, Apple, Dexter, and Raven on the refrigerator. Dexter’s arm is around Raven. They’re all laughing, their smiles so big and bright. It hurts Darling to look at. She looks down at the white tile of the floor bathed in the kitchen’s light. So much light. It’s everywhere. But she feels anything but light. Kissing Apple in the car earlier, laughing joyfully with her girlfriend, feels like a lifetime ago. It’s out of reach. Like Dexter. Like the life they’d all had. Gone in the blink of an eye. She wants to be angry, like Dexter. She wants to feel anything but this heaviness that is weighing her down.

She doesn’t register that she’s crying until Apple’s hands are on her face, slowly lifting her head.

“Oh, Darling,” her girlfriend coos. Apple, ever so gently, brushes her thumb over Darling’s cheek, wiping a tear away. She leans forward, pressing her lips to the damp skin. She pulls back, stroking away another tear. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s get you to bed.”

Darling hazily registers that it’s early, not even dinner time yet, but she can barely stand upright. The softness of the mattress as Apple helps her into their bed instantly begins to release the tension from her body. Apple lies down next to her. Immediately, she wraps her arms around Darling, pulling her close. Darling presses her body tightly against her girlfriend’s, wanting nothing but to be close to her, to feel her warmth, her safety, her love. Apple gently shifts Darling so that her head is on her chest. Darling closes her eyes as Apple’s soft lips plant a kiss on her head, a kiss that lingers, warms Darling’s whole body. Darling’s eyes flutter shut, her body relaxing as she listens to the steady beating of Apple’s heart. She can feel Apple’s fingers in her hair, stroking through her tangled tresses. The soothing sensation gradually begins to calm her.

“I love you, Darling,” Apple whispers. “I love you.”

XXX Darling sleeps fitfully that night. Every time she comes out of another nightmare, though, disturbing dreams she remembers so clearly when her eyes open but forgets a moment later, she doesn’t have the strength to do anything but roll over and lose herself in the world of dreams again.

XXX

Tuesday December 15, 2020 7:21 am

When her eyes flutter open for the upteenth time and she sees sunlight peeking through the bottom of the closed curtains, she groans, turning over to face the other side of the bed. She sighs as she sees it’s empty, wanting nothing more than to curl up in her girlfriend’s arms right now. She notices then the sound of the shower running. Eyes bleary with sleep, she looks at the alarm clock on Apple’s nightstand. 7:21 am. Kingdoms, she slept for fourteen hours?! Her eyes widen. Has she ever even slept that long? She tries to think of a time she did, but comes up empty. Then she realizes how badly she has to use the bathroom. She groans, wanting so desperately to stay in bed, despite how long she’s lay there. She knows she has to get up though no matter how agonizing it is.

So, with a heavy sigh she sits up, stretching and yawning before slowly rising to her feet. She notes that she’s wearing her clothes from yesterday, which are damp with sweat. Those nightmares must’ve gotten to her more than she thought.

“Eww,” she mutters, wrinkling her nose.

She’s no prissy princess, but she takes hygiene seriously. Sighing once again, she makes her way to the bathroom. The door is cracked. She gently knocks.

“Apple,” she says, her voice hoarse from her many hours of sleep. “Can I come in?”

“Sure, baby!” Apple exclaims cheerfully, speaking loud enough for Darling to hear her over the noise of the running shower.

Darling slowly walks in, cracking the door behind her. They are alone after all.

After Darling uses the bathroom, Apple suddenly speaks, her voice soft and sweet, warming Darling’s suddenly cold body. The temperature must be in the negatives outside. 

“Hey, baby, do you want to get in the shower with me? You must need one, and I just got in.”

Darling smiles, feeling a sudden surge of joy. Her cheeks flush. Her and Apple have been together for almost three years and have showered together many times, but just the thought of being in such an intimate situation with her girlfriend never fails to send her into a tizzy.

“Sure!” she squeaks, blushing more at how giddy she sounds.

Apple giggles, the beautiful sound sending butterflies flapping through Darling’s stomach. She grins, quickly undressing. She winces at how bad she smells, but she reasons that the water will take care of that.

Her heart pounding, her stomach fluttering, she opens the curtain a bit, stepping into the shower. As soon as she lays eyes on her girlfriend, water droplets glistening against the woman’s smooth skin, she freezes, eyes glued to the love of her life. Apple has always secretly been self-conscious about her body, thinking that she’s not curvy enough, that her hair's not naturally curly enough, that she’s too short; but Darling can’t fathom how Apple could think she’s anything short of perfect. She’s a goddess, a true sight to behold. And seeing her in all her glory is sending electricity coursing through Darling’s veins. Before she knows what she’s doing, she’s surging forward, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, pressing her lips to her neck.

“You’re absolutely perfect, baby girl,” she murmurs, a seductive lilt to her voice that comes on suddenly of its own accord. “You’re so fucking beautiful. I love you so much.”

Apple lets out a soft moan as Darling kisses her neck all over, gnawing gently at the silky skin.

“I love you too,” Apple says breathlessly. "So so much."

XXX 9:16 am

Darling and Apple decide to do something special that morning. Just for the two of them. Neither of them have classes that day, and Apple hasn't resumed her queenly duties yet, taking some time off.

As they sit in the booth at their favorite diner, The Golden Griddle, gorging themselves on pancakes, eggs, hash browns, and toast, laughing at each other’s stories, Darling feels truly happy.

“And then Jacob asked if kings and queens could…” Apple speaks slowly, trying to get the words out without bursting into laughter… “poop themselves in public and not lose their position. And he told everybody in class that he has IBS!” She snorts, nearly inhaling the toast she’s eating before descending into hysterical laughter.

Darling laughs along with her, amused by Apple’s story, but mostly just thrilled to see her happy. Apple’s happiness means absolutely everything to her. Apple is her world, and she would walk through hell and back for the girl. As Darling cackles, finding the story funnier by the second, she’s aware of how unqueenly they’re acting. But Apple, who takes conducting herself in a queenly manner incredibly seriously, clearly doesn’t care. So, Darling doesn’t either. Proper or not, they’re happy. And joy is what they need right now more than ever.

As their hysteria dies down, Apple’s face flushed with amusement, the girl winces slightly.

“I guess that’s not the best story to tell at breakfast. I...”

Darling shakes her head, reaching across the table, taking Apple’s warm hands in hers. She grins. “It’s the perfect story to tell at breakfast.”

XXX 10:48 am

Later that morning, Darling and Apple sit on a bench at their local park, Mulberry Forest Park, holding hands as they watch the birds go about their day, flying around the park, hopping across the sidewalk, pecking at crumbs of food left over by picnickers. Darling turns her head, looking at Apple, at the content smile on the girl’s face as she watches the birds. A sudden wave of melancholy overcomes Darling. How can Apple still be so full of hope and positivity, despite everything that’s going on, all that she has to handle? Darling can see the dark bags under her girlfriend’s eyes, the frequent yawns she tries to conceal, her beautiful face that is even paler than usual. But still, Apple smiles. Darling knows that she does it for her, and the knowledge brings tears of both sadness and gratitude to her eyes. Her girlfriend, her true love, loves her with her whole heart, cares for her with every inch of her being, would do absolutely anything for her. But at what cost? Why does it always have to be Apple? What does she want?

Darling decides then and there that she’s going to do something for Apple. A “thank you” for everything that her girlfriend is doing for her. Something Christmasy, she decides. Something festive but laid-back. Ooh, she has just the thing!

XXX 9:23 pm

That night after Apple crashes early as usual, Raven who was dropped off by Cupid and Blondie that evening curled beside her, Darling calls Briar, the world’s best event planner. She knows that Briar will still be up. Even as a working mom (yes, Briar is Willow’s mom, not auntie, it’s obvious to everybody), she’s still a night owl. With Briar’s help, Darling organizes a special afternoon for Apple.

XXX Wednesday December 16, 2020 7:42 am

The special something that Darling organizes is proving difficult to keep from her girlfriend the next morning as they, along with Raven who sits with them at the table staring gloomily into the distance, eat a breakfast (cooked by Darling) of waffles and berries. They both have the day off again, much to Darling’s relief. The fact that they’re going to the hospital to visit Dexter this evening is an uncomfortable twinge in Darling’s gut, but the excitement of what’s coming this afternoon is enough to push the discomfort to the back of her mind. For now.

XXX 10:27 am

Later that morning, Briar, Ashlynn, and Willow come over. Shortly before they had arrived, Raven had already gone back to bed, claiming that she needed a nap. Apple had tried to get her to stay up and hang out with them, but Raven had simply stalked off to the guest bedroom and shut the door. Darling had grabbed Apple's hand and squeezed, seeing the slight quiver of her girlfriend's lip.

"Hey," she'd murmured. "She's fine. Rest is the best thing for her right now."

Even as she'd said it, she'd known it was a lie. But she needs to keep Apple's spirits up. Raven and her grief can't consume Apple's life. Darling won't let that happen. Apple deserves comfort and peace of mind, too. And Darling will ensure that her girlfriend gets it.

As the women sit on the couch and talk, Darling and Apple recounting the fun they had together the previous day, Willow runs around the house, loudly singing the first verse of “Jingle Bells” over and over. Darling smiles as the toddler rushes past them, the green bow in her hair waving as she runs. Briar and Ashlynn then go on to tell Darling and Apple how they adopted two kittens yesterday. Darling’s and Apple’s jaws drop.

“You did?!” Apple shrieks. She claps her hands over her mouth.

Briar and Ashlynn giggle. They’re holding hands, smiling softly at each other as they continue talking, telling the women their kittens’ names. A girl kitten named Ruby and a boy kitten named Oliver who they call Ollie for short.

“They’re eight weeks old,” Ashlynn explains. “And they’re so, so sweet. Willow absolutely loves them!”

Darling grins, looking over at the toddler who’s still running, not even out of breath as she continues to belt out “Jingle Bells.”

“Ruby’s got spunk,” says Briar, smiling brightly, clearly already in love with the kittens, “and Ollie seems to be the sweet, sensitive type.”

Darling almost laughs, noting how that sounds just like Briar and Ashlynn. Her smile widens as she notices Ashlynn rubbing her thumb over Briar’s hand. They’re so in love. And do they even know it?

XXX 12:00 pm

At noon on the dot, there’s a knock on the door.

“I wonder who that is,” Apple says, a quizzical expression on her face as she looks at the door.

Darling grins, immediately knowing who it is.

“I’ll get it!” she exclaims, quickly getting up from the couch.

Willow has been going from person to person over the last ten minutes, giving each of them checkups with her little doctor’s kit. She holds the little plastic reflex hammer, tapping Briar’s knee. Briar bounces her leg dramatically, sending Willow into a fit of giggles. Darling smiles softly as she walks over to the door.

She opens it, revealing a tall dark haired man dressed in a black and white suit, a tophat on his head. Isn’t he cold? Darling wonders. He’s not even wearing a coat. His getup is clearly for the old-fashioned effect, though.

“Good day, madam,” he says, taking his hat off and tipping it to her as he gives a slight bow. “My name is Charles, and I will be your ladies’ coachman today. I’m here to drive you to your destination.”

Darling grins at Apple who has stood up and is looking at them, her brows furrowed with confusion. Briar and Ashlynn have stood, too. They’re both smiling brightly, knowing of course what’s going on. Willow is behind Ashlynn, peeking out nervously, clearly frightened by the tall stranger.

“Hello, sir,” says Darling. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Your Highness,” he says.

Apple slowly walks over, her face morphing into a smile as she approaches Darling and Charles.

“Hello, sir,” she says in her characteristically cheerful voice.

“It’s an honor, Your Majesty,” he says, once again tipping his hat and bowing.

Apple smiles widely at Charles. Darling can see the confusion in her eyes, though. She grins. All will be revealed soon. She takes Apple’s coat off the rack, handing it to the girl.

“Thanks,” Apple murmurs.

The two girls put their coats, hats, scarves, mittens, and boots on. Darling feels bad making Charles wait, but getting ready beforehand would’ve spoiled the surprise. He doesn’t seem to mind, though.

“We’re going to go!” Darling calls to her friends as she and Apple finish getting ready.

“Alright, bye!” Briar exclaims, her and Ashlynn smiling brightly as they wave. “Have a good time, ladies!”

“We will!” Darling replies just as cheerfully as Apple.

She turns to Apple, grinning. “Okay, let’s go!”

She takes Apple's gloved hand. Apple smiles softly at her as they exit the house.

“What’s going on?” the girl whispers as they walk down the driveway, following Charles to the shiny black limousine parked across the street.

“You’ll see,” Darling murmurs, leaning over and giving Apple’s forehead a quick peck.

XXX 12:08 pm

A quick drive later, they pull up to the parking lot by the Mulberry Forest Park trailhead.

“Let’s go!” Darling exclaims, pure excitement rushing through her.

Apple smiles widely, her eyes sparkling with expectancy. Clearly she’s excited now. The girls exit the car.

“This way, ladies,” says Charles, walking toward the trailhead.

Darling takes Apple’s hand, the girls quickly following the man through the parking lot to the trailhead. The trail is wide, the ground covered with fluffy white snow, fresh from last night’s snowfall. Tall pine trees line the pathway, their dark green leaves coated with snow, sparkling in the afternoon light. They follow Charles down the path a few hundred feet.

As soon as they turn to the left, a miraculous sight meets their eyes. A mahogany sleigh adorned with golden designs waits, a handsome brown horse attached to the vehicle with silver reins. Rays of sunlight shine down, illuminating the sleigh like a halo. Darling grins. The sun couldn't have chosen a better time to be in this position. She slowly turns to Apple whose jaw is slack, her eyes comically wide. Darling giggles, squeezing her girlfriend’s hand.

“What do you think, baby?”

Apple shakes her head, coming out of her stupor. A gigantic smile immediately lights her face. She squeals, letting go of Darling’s hand to throw her arms around her, hugging her tight.

“This is perfect!” she exclaims, her voice ringing with cheer. “Thank you so, so much, sweetie! Oh kingdoms, I love you so much!”

She pulls back, grabbing Darling’s face and pulling her into a kiss, filled with such love and gratitude that Darling’s heart feels like it’s melting. 

“I love you too,” Darling breathes as they pull back a moment later, stroking her thumb over Apple’s cheek. “So, so much.”

Suddenly remembering herself, she looks back at Charles who, thank goodness, is an incredibly patient and polite man. He’s over by the sleigh, petting his horse. She smiles. How sweet.

“Come on, baby girl!” Darling exclaims, grabbing Apple’s hand.

They hurry over to the sleigh, both girls squealing with excitement. Charles pats his horse on the back before walking over, helping Apple and then Darling into the sleigh. Apple’s knee is bouncing up and down with anticipation, a wide smile on her face, her bright blue eyes sparkling in the golden sunlight. Darling grins, wrapping her arm around Apple’s shoulders. Apple smiles softly at her, relaxing into Darling’s touch. Charles climbs into the coachman’s seat, and with a gentle tug of the reins, the horse begins to trot down the snowy path. Apple looks around at the trees shining in the sun, birds perched on the branches, chirping their beautiful melodies. Her eyes are wide with wonder, her cerulean irises drawing Darling in, filling her head with three thoughts: my girlfriend is so beautiful, I’m so lucky to have her, and I love her. Darling’s heart thrumming with the sheer love and adoration she feels for the woman beside her, she sighs contentedly, resting her cheek on Apple’s head. This is perfect. This day is perfect. This beautiful trail is perfect. Apple is perfect.

[amazinggraciegurl]

Expect the Unexpected (Chapter 23: Spirit)

Thursday December 10, 2020 (Present Time) 9:24 pm

It’s been a long day. All Briar can think of as she sits in Apple's and Darling’s bed, Raven’s head resting in her lap, is how exhausted she is. She had work all day, and she came to Apple's and Darling's house right after. As she runs her fingers through Raven’s hair, listening to her breathing finally beginning to even out, it takes all her willpower to not fall asleep right along with her. She sighs, relief flowing through her, when Raven begins to snore softly. She looks at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It took over an hour to get Raven from a hysterical state into a peaceful sleep. Briar and Ashlynn have been over at Apple's and Darling’s house a lot the past week, supporting Raven and Darling in their grief. Briar can see how much effort it’s taking for Apple to be there for both Darling and Raven. Raven is her best friend, but Darling is much more than that. She’s Apple’s girlfriend, her true love, the girl she’s never gotten less crazy about through all the years they’ve been together.

As Briar looks down at Raven’s sleeping form, she promises herself that she will be there for everybody, that she’ll especially take care of Raven, so that Apple can do what is needed for Darling. Apple already had enough on her plate before this tragedy struck. She takes an exorbitant amount of advanced college classes, and on top of that, has a never ending heap of royal duties. She’s pulled in so many directions at once, Briar fears that she’s going to snap. Briar has to remind herself that all she can do is help in any way that she can. She’s not the superhuman she sometimes longs to be, who can fix everybody’s problems with a snap of her fingers. Still, she’s there. Her arms are open. And she would do anything for the people she loves. Anything.

Speaking of duties, Briar suddenly remembers that she has classes tomorrow. She’s majoring in communications. It’s the best fit for her and her event planning job. She knows how good a degree looks, and she’s always loved studying, so “why not go to college?” was her logic. Slowly, Briar shifts Raven off her lap. She props her head on a pillow and covers her with the fuzzy red quilt. She places a gentle kiss to Raven’s forehead before quietly making her way out of the room.

Apple and Darling are snuggled up together on the couch, a turquoise blanket wrapped around them. They’re watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Lord of the Rings is Darling’s favorite movie series, and Briar knows how comforting it must be to watch right now when everything in her life is falling apart.

"Hey," Briar says, her voice soft.

Apple and Darling turn around. Apple smiles brightly at Briar. It's always been remarkable to Briar how Apple can continue to smile and be cheerful even in the darkest of times.

"Hey, Briar," Apple says softly. "Did Raven finally fall asleep?"

"Yes," Briar replies, sighing relievedly. "She's good for now."

"Good!" Apple says happily. She pats a spot on the couch next to her. "Want to watch Lord of the Rings with us?"

Briar smiles at her friend. "That does sound like fun, but I should get back home to Ashlynn and Willow. I just remembered that I've got quite a bit of homework to do tonight."

Apple frowns sympathetically. "Sorry, Briar. You can watch it with us next time! Oh, and we're still on for Christmas movie night after getting our trees on Saturday?"

"Yep!" Briar exclaims. "That sounds great!"

"Alright, good!" Apple replies. She gives Briar a soft smile.

"And remember, I can come back here and help anytime," Briar assures. "If you can't calm Raven down or need help with anything, I'll be here in a jiffy! Okay?"

"Okay," Apple says. "Thank you, Briar. I know I can always count on you."

Briar grins, her chest warm with pride.

"Don't worry about us, though," Apple continues. "We'll be fine. Just focus on your homework and, most importantly, getting some sleep, okay?"

Briar smiles. "Okay, I will." She lets out a breath. "Alright. I'll get going now. Bye, Apple! Bye, Darling!"

"Bye Briar!" Apple and Darling say, smiling at Briar as she walks out of the house.

XXX 9:36 pm

The car ride home is the most relaxing part of Briar's day. But as she pulls into the driveway and knows Ashlynn is going to be waiting for her inside their house, her heart fills with joy. Ashlynn can make even the worst of days at least a little happy.

As soon as Briar walks through the front door, the warmth of the house enveloping her, her eyes land on Ashlynn who is sprawled across the couch, reading a book. Ashlynn looks up, her smile bright when she sees Briar.

"Hey, baby!" Ashlynn exclaims.

"Hello, my love!" Briar happily replies, smiling as Ashlynn stands up, quickly making her way over to her.

Ashlynn kisses her cheek before pulling Briar into an embrace.

"I missed you today," she says, her voice muffled against Briar's shoulder.

"Awww, I missed you too, baby." Briar hugs Ashlynn tighter. "How was your day?"

"It was good," Ashlynn replies. "Willow took a long nap, so I was able to get quite a bit of sewing done. But the downside of the long nap was that she did not want to go to bed. Finally, I gave up and just let her watch Barney on the couch until she fell asleep. Then luckily, she stayed asleep when I transferred her to her crib."

Briar laughs softly. "That's our girl. She'll get her TV time or else."

Ashlynn giggles. "We'll have to make up for it with an extra hike this weekend!"

"Nooo!" Briar teasingly groans. "Not two hikes!"

Ashlynn laughs. She pulls back and kisses Briar's cheek. Briar closes her eyes, warmth flooding her body, as Ashlynn's lips linger. Briar wishes she could stay this way forever. In her cozy home with Ashlynn's warm lips pressed to her cheek.

All good things must come to an end, though, and eventually Ashlynn pulls back. Briar shakes her head, her brain foggy from Ashlynn being so close, so close that her mint shampoo is all she smells.

"How was your day, sweetie?" Ashlynn asks.

"It was okay," Briar replies. She takes her coat off, hanging it on the hook by the door. "Definitely tiring. I had a lot of clients to meet with at work, and taking care of Raven wasn't easy. She's just absolutely inconsolable right now. The poor girl."

Tears sting her eyes, as they always do when she thinks about the whole situation with Raven and Dexter. It's such a terrible tragedy, and it's happening to two people that she cares very much about. She has heard of these tragic catastrophes happening; but she's never been this up close and personal to one before. It feels like the world is caving in on her.

She sighs shakily as Ashlynn draws her into another embrace.

"I know," Ashlynn murmurs. Her breath is warm against Briar's neck. "It's absolutely horrible. But Raven isn't alone. She has all her friends right by her side supporting her. She'll be okay. So will Dexter. And so will all of us. We're all in this together. Okay?"

Briar lets out a trembling breath.

"Okay," she says, the tightness in her chest loosening slightly.

"And as much as we do to help, we also need to take care of ourselves," Ashlynn continues. "So, why don't you come over to the couch and I'll give you a massage?"

Briar laughs softly. "That sounds amazing, Ash. Thank you."

Ashlynn holds out her hand. "Come on, baby. Relaxation awaits."

XXX 9:53 pm

After a delightful massage, Briar sits at the kitchen table doing her homework. Ashlynn sits beside her, working on a gorgeous cornflower blue dress. The hum of the sewing machine soothes any negative thoughts that pop into Briar's mind.

"That's beautiful," Briar remarks.

Ashlynn smiles her sweet, gentle smile. "Thank you, Briar."

Briar grins. "Of course."

"How's your homework going?" Ashlynn asks.

"It's going okay," Briar replies. "Boring as hell, but I'll get through it." She laughs.

Ashlynn smiles before looking back down at her sewing. Briar bites her lip. Sometimes she worries that Ashlynn is unhappy about not going to college.

Ashlynn, being her dedicated self, wanted to go to college, but has had her hands full with Willow. As much as Briar helps out, the general ed classes Ashlynn was taking in freshman year were just too stressful for her. It was a difficult decision for Ashlynn, but she finally decided that not doing college for a while is what's best for her and Willow. Ashlynn has planned to try college again when Willow is a bit older.

As Briar looks at the serene smile on Ashlynn's face as she sews the dress, though, her worries fade away. Fashion design degree or not, Ashlynn is happy doing what she loves most. And Ashlynn being happy makes Briar happier than anything else does.

As Briar lies in bed that night, Ashlynn wrapped in her arms, she thinks about how lucky she is to have this wonderful woman by her side on this crazy, sometimes painful, but absolutely amazing journey that's called life. Ashlynn is one of the few people Briar knows with full certainty will never leave her side. She feels so special to have a person like that in her life. Her last thought before she drifts off to sleep is how perfectly Ashlynn fits in her arms.

XXX Saturday December 12, 2020 10:38 am

Saturday morning is cold and bright. Briar savors the warmth of Willow's little gloved hand in hers as they walk through the newly fallen snow. Briar looks around at the trees, analyzing the sizes and shapes.

“Ooh! There’s one!”

She turns to the rest of the group behind her. Ashlynn is smiling up at a bird perched on the branch of a tree. Darling walks next to Ashlynn, carefully holding the saw by her side. Darling is always the one to cut down the Christmas trees. Blondie and Cupid are holding hands, Blondie bouncing along. Despite being dragged, there's a content smile on Cupid’s face. The love between Blondie and Cupid has been deep and true from the start of their relationship. They absolutely adore each other, and it's been clear as day since they first started dating in junior year of high school. Apple is at the back of the group, gently pulling along a reluctant Raven. It had been enough of a struggle getting Raven out of the house, and then she’d refused to get out of the car. It had taken Apple’s very best pleading (and Apple’s pleading ability is impressive) to get Raven to come find a tree with them. The shadows under Raven's eyes are getting darker by the day. Briar bites her lip. Seeing Raven like this kills her.

Still, she needs to focus on the task at hand. She takes a deep breath.

"What do you think of this tree, Ash?” she asks, approaching the tree.

Willow points upwards.

“Tree!” she exclaims.

Briar laughs. "That's right, baby! Tree! We're going to put a tree in our house and put pretty lights on it!"

Willow gazes up at Briar, her big emerald eyes sparkling in the soft morning light.

Ashlynn looks up at the tree, smiling brightly.

"I love it!" she exclaims. "Look how green it is!"

She walks over to the tree, coming to stand next to Briar and Willow. She grabs Willow's other hand.

"Hey, baby," she says happily. "Do you like the tree?"

"Yeah!" Willow agrees, smiling up at Briar.

"It's a little lopsided, though," Blondie says, running over to inspect the tree. "And the leaves on the right are much thicker than the ones on the left. If I were to recommend a tree to you, it would be the one to this one's right!"

Briar smiles. She loves Blondie too much to be annoyed by her critical eye. It's just who she is, and she's been that way for as long as Briar has known her. And they've known each other since they were babies.

"Hmmm." Briar inspects the other tree. "I think I like the first one more even if it is a bit lopsided. What do you think, Ashlynn?"

"I agree with Briar," says Ashlynn. "But thank you, Blondie! I really appreciate hearing your point of view!"

Blondie smiles gratefully. "Alright! If it's the tree you like, you should get it even if it's not perfect! Plus, that means we can get the other tree!"

She approaches the other tree, a wonderstruck expression on her face. "Oh my kingdoms, Cupid! Look at how symmetrical it is!"

Cupid chuckles, looking lovingly at her girlfriend. "It sure is, honey! Why don't we cut it down?"

"Sounds like a good plan to me!"

Darling walks over with the saw.

"Ooh! Can I cut it, Darling?!" Blondie exclaims.

Darling purses her lips.

"Sureee," she says, sounding reluctant.

Everybody winces, clearly remembering the time a couple years back when Blondie nearly cut her thumb off with a knife while making fruit salad.

"How about I help you?" Darling amends, looking anxiously at Blondie.

"Hmmm." Blondie thinks for a moment before nodding. "Sure!"

Everybody lets out sighs of relief. When Blondie sets her mind to something, she does it, so they've learned to fear her impulses.

"Okay," says Darling. "Sounds good."

Darling and Blondie get to work sawing the tree. Briar picks up Willow, holding her as the tree is sawed down. The last thing she wants is Willow being squashed by a tree.

"Timber!" Briar and Apple yell, as the tree falls to the forest floor.

They turn to each other, grinning.

"Jinx!" Apple exclaims.

They laugh. Darling turns to Briar and Ashlynn.

"Let's get your tree cut down now," she says, booping Willow's nose as she walks by.

Willow shrieks with laughter.

"Do you want to pick out our tree?" Apple asks Raven, as Darling begins to saw down the tree.

Raven shrugs. She looks down, running the toe of her shoe along the frosty ground. Apple softly sighs. Briar frowns, knowing that the toll of failing to make Raven feel better is weighing on Apple. She turns to Ashlynn who is sharing the same concerned look.

"Here," says Ashlynn, pointing to a tree a few rows down. "That tree looks lovely!"

Briar looks over, smiling at the sight of the sun shining down on the tree's green leaves.

"Ooh, I love it!" Apple exclaims. "It's the perfect tree! Don't you think so, Raven?!"

Raven slowly looks up, her expression neutral as ever.

"Sure," she says quietly before looking back down at the ground.

Apple looks like she's about to cry. Briar jumps into action. She sets Willow down by Ashlynn.

"Let's go take a closer look!" she exclaims.

She takes Apple's hand, gently pulling her along. The gloomy expression on Apple's face suddenly brightens. She walks along with Briar to the tree. Cupid stays with Raven, while Blondie bounces over to the tree with them. Briar looks up.

"It's pretty big, but with a little bit of cutting, it should work!"

"It sure is a beaut!'' Blondie exclaims.

Apple studies the tree, concentrating deeply before nodding and smiling.

"It'll look amazing in our house!" she decides.

Ashlynn and Willow walk over, hand in hand. Willow is smiling her big beautiful smile.

"Tree!" she exclaims, pointing to the tree they're standing by.

Ashlynn and Briar laugh softly.

After Darling finishes cutting down Briar's and Ashlynn's tree, she starts over toward her and Apple's tree. As she approaches, she looks up at the tree.

"It looks good," she says. "I'm sure we can cut off some of the size."

She kisses Apple's cheek as she passes by. Apple giggles, blushing. It doesn't matter how long she and Darling have been together. They're still just as fascinated with each other as they were when they first got together.

"Alright, here we go!" Darling exclaims, crouching down and beginning to saw down the tree.

"Timber!" Briar and Apple yell again as the tree falls to the ground.

"Alright!" Darling exclaims. "We've got all our trees! Ready to take them back to the checkout station?"

Everybody groans. Darling laughs.

"Come on, you guys! With fun, there comes a price!"

Briar and Apple pick up Ashlynn's and Briar's tree, Cupid and Blondie pick up their tree, and Darling and a reluctant Raven pick up their and Apple's tree. Ashlynn picks up Willow, following behind them as they slowly lug the trees to the checkout station.

After they check out and tie the trees down to the roofs of their cars, they go into a small hut that is serving hot chocolate, hot apple cider, and sugar cookies. Briar gets herself a cup of hot chocolate before setting it down and filling up a tiny cup of it for Willow. She blows on it until it's only warm. Raven grumbles that she's not thirsty when Apple offers to get her a drink.

They head outside where there's a pleasantly warm bonfire. They sit down on stumps surrounding the fire, Briar setting Willow on her lap. The fear of Willow falling into the fire is heavy in her chest as she holds her close. She reminds herself that Willow is safe before taking a sip of hot chocolate.

"Mmm," she says, as the warm chocolatey drink fills her mouth. "That is so good!"

"I know right?!" Cupid exclaims, after she takes a sip. "That is like next level hot chocolate!"

Briar laughs. She blows on Willow's little cup, testing to make sure it's cool enough before offering it to Willow.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" she asks softly.

"Yes!" Willow exclaims, opening her mouth and letting Briar raise the cup to her lips.

Willow gulps the hot chocolate down so quickly that before Briar knows it, the cup is empty. She and Ashlynn look from Willow to each other, bursting into laughter.

"I knew that child could eat a whole horse, but I never knew she could do it that fast!" Briar exclaims before laughter takes over her again.

Everybody laughs along with them, except Raven whose expression remains glum as ever. Willow laughs along with them. Briar kisses Willow's head, thinking happily of the joy she brings everybody.

XXX 9:25 pm

That night, the girls are at Apple's and Darling's house, sprawled out on the couch eating pizza, watching Christmas Vacation. Briar and Ashlynn are snuggled under a blanket. Willow is curled up next to Briar, her head against her arm, sleeping soundly. The flames in the fireplace cast a golden glow on the Christmas tree that is sitting undecorated in the corner of the room. They're leaving the decorating until tomorrow. Briar sighs contentedly, looking around at her laughing friends, as the antics in the movie play out. Curled up with Ashlynn under the blanket, the pleasant heat of the fire surrounding her, she feels positively merry. The Christmas spirit is warm in her chest.

When the movie ends, the theme song playing as the end credits roll, Apple grabs the remote, turning the television off.

"Alright," she says cheerfully. "That movie was amazing as usual! What do you guys want to do next? Maybe play a board game?!"

"We're going to head out actually," Cupid says, smiling apologetically. "Thank you for the lovely day!"

She and Blondie stand.

"Of course, you guys!" Apple exclaims, springing out of her seat and giving both of the girls hugs.

Blondie and Cupid circle the room, giving all the girls hugs before they head over to the door and open it.

"Bye everybody!" the girls exclaim, before shutting the door behind them.

"I'm actually just going to turn in for the night," Darling mumbles, standing up.

Briar turns, frowning when she sees the pained expression on the girl's face. Briar wishes more than anything that she could make it better, but there's nothing that's going to cheer Darling up. Her brother is in the hospital, his memory of the past eight years wiped. She's grieving, and there's nothing anybody can do but be there for her. That thought is clearly at the forefront of Apple's mind, as she quickly stands, grabbing Darling's hand.

"Let's go to bed then," she says softly.

A weakness seems to come over Darling, as her shoulders slump and she leans into Apple, looking like she wants nothing more than for her girlfriend to wrap her in her arms.

"Alright," she says, her voice scarcely above a whisper.

Apple nods before turning to Raven who is sitting on the couch, her face blank as she stares at the dark television screen. Ashlynn scoots closer to Raven, lightly tapping her shoulder.

"Raven," she says, her voice soft. "Are you ready to go to bed?"

Raven jolts, as if coming out of a trance. She slowly looks over at Ashlynn, blinking sleepily. She yawns before nodding.

"Alright," Ashlynn murmurs.

She stands, taking Raven's hands and helping her up. She guides the shaky girl across the room, down the hall to the master bedroom.

"Alright," Apple says softly, turning to Briar. "Darling and I will head to bed now. Are you guys good in the guest bedroom?"

"Of course," Briar replies, giving Apple a reassuring smile. 

Apple smiles, giving Briar's hand a squeeze before standing and helping Darling up. They say their good nights before retreating down the hall. Briar sits, garnering her remaining strength, before standing and carefully lifting Willow into her arms. Willow stirs, mumbling sleepily as Briar holds her close. She gently presses her lips to the sleeping toddler's head. 

XXX Ashlynn quietly opens the guest room door. As she walks in, she smiles at Briar who is sitting in bed scrolling through her phone. Briar smiles back.

“Oh, my baby,” Ashlynn murmurs as she looks across the room at Willow's sleeping form.

She goes over to the crib, leaning down to give her daughter a soft kiss on the head. She takes a deep breath before walking over to the dresser and pulling out the pair of pajamas that she leaves at Apple's and Darling's house for impromptu sleepovers. Briar is already in hers, her mouth fresh from the mint toothpaste she'd just brushed her teeth with.

After Ashlynn grabs her stand-in bag of toiletries, she turns, meeting Briar's eyes. The smile that comes over both of their faces is as natural as breathing. When Briar looks into Ashlynn's emerald eyes, she feels a sense of both utter calm and all-consuming joy. Only Ashlynn can make her feel these things, this depth of emotion.

"I love you," Briar whispers.

Ashlynn smiles, her face glowing, as it always is when she looks at Briar.

"I love you too," she replies, her voice soft.

She goes over to the bed, leaning down to place a gentle kiss to Briar's forehead. Briar closes her eyes, warmth surging through her body, as Ashlynn's lips linger. Briar never wants it to end, this delicate sensation that fills her whole body with butterflies, that reassures her that everything will be alright, that she'll never be alone as long as Ashlynn is around.

As Ashlynn slowly pulls away and gazes at Briar, a fire seems to burst to life in her eyes. She moves in a flash, and before Briar knows it, Ashlynn's warm lips are pressed to hers. Briar's body erupts with warmth, with love, with security. It feels like an eternity, a blissful eternity where nothing but love reigns, before Ashlynn pulls away. Ashlynn's smile remains as she leaves the room, heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Briar is left on the bed, her entire body tingling with the warmth and pleasure that Ashlynn's lips on hers brings.

XXX Sunday December 13, 2020 9:04 am

The next morning after a breakfast of French toast Briar, Ashlynn, and Willow head out.

"Bye!" they exclaim, waving cheerfully at their friends.

As Briar starts the car and drives through the neighborhood, she looks through the rear view mirror at the backseat where Willow is happily babbling her way through "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" book.

"Where are we going, Willow?!" she exclaims. "Are we going to go see Santa?!"

"Yeah!" Willow reaches her arms up excitedly, smiling brightly.

Briar and Ashlynn laugh, smiling grinning at each other as Willow's laugh rings through the air.

XXX 9:32 am

Luckily, the line at the mall to see Santa isn't too long. Willow's patience is definitely good for a two year old, but she still grows frustrated if she has to wait for too long.

When the child in front of them is lifted off Santa's lap and walks away with his mother, Briar and Ashlynn guide Willow over to the grand golden chair where Santa sits, blue eyes twinkling as he smiles at them. Willow looks apprehensive, but smiles as Briar picks her up and sets her on Santa's lap. She looks up at Santa, smiling shyly.

"Ho ho ho!" Santa exclaims, smiling brightly at the toddler. "What's your name?"

"Willow," she says, her voice soft.

"Willow! What a beautiful name!" he exclaims. "Now, what would you like for Christmas, Willow?"

Willow looks over at Briar and Ashlynn.

"You want a ladybug Pillow Pet, right?" Briar says, smiling at her. "And some new rainbow blocks?"

"Yeah," Willow replies, still smiling shyly.

"Those are some good gifts!" he exclaims. "Good gifts for a good little girl!"

Willow grins.

“Merry Christmas, Willow!” Santa says.

“Merry Christmas, Santa!” Briar exclaims, as she picks Willow up. “Goodbye! Say bye, Willow!”

“Bye, Santa!” Willow calls.

“Wasn’t it so much fun seeing Santa?!” Ashlynn exclaims, as the three of them walk away.

Willow smiles brightly. “Yeah!”

Briar smiles, overjoyed that Willow is so happy.

“Do you want to go on the carousel now?” she asks.

Willow beams. “Yeah!”

Briar and Ashlynn grin.

“Then let’s go!” Briar exclaims.

She smiles contentedly as she walks through the mall with her two favorite people. Despite all the turmoil they’re facing, they still make her Christmas more magical than ever.

XXX 7:23 pm

"You want me to read it again?" Briar asks, laughing as Willow takes the book from Briar and turns it back to the first page.

"More," Willow says, looking up at Briar expectantly.

She hands the book back to Briar.

"Oh, alright," Briar says. "You sure do love The Very Hungry Caterpillar!"

She smiles at Willow who is sitting next to her on Ashlynn's lap. They're snuggled together on the sage green sofa in Willow's bedroom.

"Okay," she says. "Here we go. In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a green leaf.”

"More," Willow says for the fourth time, as Briar finishes the book.

Briar closes the book, setting it on Willow's bookshelf next to the sofa.

"Sorry baby, but it's time for bed," says Ashlynn, her voice soft. She stands up. "Come here, sweetie."

Willow climbs off Ashlynn's lap, yawning as her mother lifts her into her arms. Ashlynn kisses the top of her daughter's head before walking over to the crib, gently setting her down. Willow turns onto her side, resting her head on her carnation pink pillow. Ashlynn covers her up with her mint green quilt.

"Good night, Willow," Ashlynn murmurs. "I love you."

She turns Willow's lamp off. Briar walks over to the crib, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Willow's forehead.

"Good night, honey," she says softly. "I love you."

Willow closes her eyes, already beginning to drift off to sleep. She and Ashlynn leave the room, cracking the door behind them.

"How about some eggnog?" Briar suggests, as she and Ashlynn walk into the kitchen.

"That sounds divine," says Ashlynn. "I'll get the brandy."

"Yes!" Briar exclaims, as she pours two glasses of egg nog (vegan eggnog for Ashlynn of course). "This is just what I needed!"

"Me too," Ashlynn agrees, as she takes the brandy out of the alcohol cabinet.

She walks over to Briar, pouring the brandy into the eggnog. They pick up their glasses.

"Cheers!" Briar exclaims.

They giggle with delight as they tap their glasses together.

"Mmmm," says Briar, as she takes a swig of eggnog. "Now, that is some good eggnog!"

"Mmmm, yum," Ashlynn agrees. "This is heavenly!"

Briar laughs as she takes another swig.

"You know what else we need?" says Ashlynn.

"What?" Briar asks, grinning at Ashlynn.

"Some Christmas music!" Ashlynn exclaims.

She takes her phone out. "Let me just find my Christmas playlist!" 

She sets her phone down as "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas" begins playing. Briar laughs as Ashlynn walks over to her, her hand extended.

"May I have this dance?" she asks, giggling as Briar places her hand on her heart, jokingly gasping.

"Why of course, beautiful princess!" she exclaims.

Their laughter fills the kitchen, blending with the soothing tone of the music, as Briar takes Ashlynn's hand, placing her other one on her waist. They circle around the room, laughing as they stumble over each other's feet.

"Why, we're very clumsy princesses!" Briar exclaims, leaning into Ashlynn as her body shakes with laughter.

They continue to spin, the room a blur as the world narrows down to only them. Two women fiercely in love with each other moving as one.

As their bodies begin to tire and their laughter gradually fades, they learn further into each other. Ashlynn rests her head on Briar's shoulder as they slowly come to a stop. They slowly sway side to side as "Silver Bells" plays lightly in the background. Briar closes her eyes, melting further into Ashlynn. This is how she wishes she could always feel. Warm, loved, content, wrapped in the arms of the person she loves the most. Ashlynn. An angel on earth. The love of her life. Ashlynn is the love of her life. The thought startles her. Puzzled as she is at the nature of their relationship, she decides, as always, to just let it be. Whatever they are, they love each other to the ends of the universe. And love is all that Briar needs.