*⋆ ✰ * ⋅ ⋆┊AMBER NEWS

THE WINE DADS OF AMBER SPRING if you want to hear the latest gossip or simply want to drag someone to the pits of hell then you have come to the right place ! we are three wine dads who love to gossip about all the wild events in amber springs ( especially when our kids are with ms frankie ). so please make our hearts fill with joy by trashing literally anyone. we don't care if the gossip is honest or incredibly rude as long as its entertaining. RULES 1. everything sent in will be treated as gossip unless you write CONFESSION before your message. 2. don't send in any ooc related messages because everything will be answered in character 3. do not take anything said here personally because this is just for fun. we are in no way attacking the muns, just trying to stir up some trouble in amber springs. 4. have fun & make it crazy !

[ambernews]

So everyone in this town is fucking each other?

basically, it’s quite amusing if you ask me. i’m waiting for things to get messy, or perhaps just an orgy. if the later, please let it be at my place.

[ambernews]

People that could be aliens?

yeah, declan and micah. since when are there two of them? this is only my first glass, i can’t already be seeing double.

[ambernews]

i miss you wine dads

sorry kiddos, us old guys need to rest sometimes. i’m back though, fill up my cup with all of your tea.

[ambernews]

Clocks a fuckin’ tickin’. It’s so dry up in here it’s like my wife’s vagina when I ask her to call me her avocado. Get your dirt rolling in pronto, bitches… otherwise, I may have to cry on daddy Rob’s shoulder and I’m sure he doesn’t want that.

[ambernews]

recast amber springs as the Kardashians

i had to drink three glasses of wine before answering this because god.. the kardashians are a mess. let me try my very best, though. declan is definitely khloe because only he would post booty hole photos on twitter. jackie screams rob kardashian to me because she just avoids the whole shit show. kieran would probably be kim because he films everything. vera is kourtney because she’s a badass bitch. lily is the kylie jenner of amber springs because she fake as hell, to be honest. fuck you, lily. theodora is definitely kris.. she’s like the mom friend of the town.. but messier. sage is definitely kendall.. because she’s just chilling as the whole town goes to shit.

[ambernews]

favorite brotp/ships right now?

i love all the friendships, my guy. but as for ships? well, i’d die for sage and theo, to be honest. i’m their number one fan. daddy rob and i are definitely my second favourite ship. sloane and declan kind of make me smile.. but so does declan and sasha. i think tuck and ernest should still get together -- i really would die for them. and uh, bodhi and wells seem to have something cute going on.. i’m keeping my eye on them. everything is lit, i guess.

[ambernews]

recast amber springs as the characters from friends

damn.. this town would be the most fucked up version of friends, i’ll tell you that much. but let me try.. okay so, kieran would probably be ross because he’s so messy and i could totally see him saying someone else’s name at his own damn wedding ( poor maisie ) ! i could see wells being joey.. he just seems like he’s having a good time, you know ? good ol’ wells. declan and ian could definitely pull off chandler.. they’ll have to fight each other to death for that role. sloane is definitely a monica, in my humble opinion. nora and talia are definitely the phoebe of amber springs. and as for rachel, well.. i guess i could see tuck.. ha. he’s definitely rachel, but he wouldn’t get with ross at all because... yikes. incest is a no, kids.

[ambernews]

who would you like to see bring some trouble into this town?

“i’d like to see some of the nicer people stir up some drama, perhaps nora, mina, sophia, jackie, or luna just to list a few.”

[ambernews]

end game couples?

“if we’re being honest, daddy mark and i. come on, tell me you wouldn’t pay to see that sex tape ? spoiler alert: it’s better than declan and maisie’s. us dad’s are still in debate between sage and tuck or sadie and tuck ? i’m team sadie. if sage and tuck don’t work we still hold hope for sage and theo. we have shirts and wear them on during golf tournaments, losing team has to mow mayor joe’s lawn.i get the vibe of kids in love when i see carter and taejoon, it’s innocent and cute.  maisie and kieran seem to be at the top of everyone’s list, but who’s the top there ? let’s be real. i don’t know, i can’t keep up anymore. i need another glass of wine.”

[ambernews]

kieran is fucked up. I feel like he's not good for Maisie and should ruin someone else instead

“the only thing he’s gonna ruin is her dress from crying on it. kieran cries too much to harm anyone, he’s probably gonna cry when she finally pots him.”

[ambernews]

who would be the best to bring home to the parents? who would be the worst?

“as a parent, i’d high five my son if he ever brought home theo or jack. am i living vicariously through my son ? maybe ? every parent does at one point or another. i also wouldn’t mind my son bringing home jackie, she’s a nice gal. wells, reyna, jamila, taejoon, and carter also make the list of people i wouldn’t mind having a family dinner with. however, if my son or daughter ever brought home declan, i would demand a paternity test.”

[ambernews]

how do you all feel about mayor joe?

“we invite over him for a drink every now and then, although sometimes after the second glass he tends to get on the table and dance with lil jojo.”

[ambernews]

Top 10 raw pott list

“alright, i got you ! at the top of my list is my girl theodora. wells is a pretty good looking guy, so why not add him on the list. i’m curious to see where jack would raw pot me. sirena is beautiful and definitely worthy of being top ten. perhaps sadie and sage both ? tuck shmuck. katarina seems wild, but i’m pretty sure that kitty has some claws. vera definitely makes the list, my god is she beautiful. sloane makes me question my marriage. and perhaps jamila to top it off because although she’s beautiful her intelligence astounds me.”

[ambernews]

opinion on a sage ernest tuck threesome?

someone get kieran in here to film, am i right ?? i’m not lying when i say i would pay to see that. i mean, damn, hit me up if you want to make it four. 

[ambernews]

sorry your wife isn't raw potting you daddy rob, i'd raw pot u if we were married

it’s tragic, i know, but i’m glad someone’s willing to get dicked down by daddy.

[ambernews]

if you could choose only one person to nut on your food who would it be?

really ? this is what you give me ? you want me to top my caesar salad with nut now ? whatever, i’d pick luna, she seems clean so i won’t have to worry about catching a virus after lunch.

[ambernews]

daddy rob is home, and honestly quite bored considering my kids are actually asleep. who the heck goes to bed at 8:30 on a saturday night ? anyways, since my kids are asleep and my wife hasn’t boned me since the fourth, how about updating me on the latest gossip ? i’m dying to judge you all.