my heart goes bum bum bum

but you admit that you’re lonely, you’re as cold as a statue pleading ‘FUCK ME’ on the marble that was used to create you.. i cant stand that you’re TALKING when you shouldn’t be LIVING. i didn’t dodge all your bullets--- i just DENIED that they hit me. so, when my body is bleeding i wont admit that this hurts; because ADMITTING isn’t FIXING so then what is it worth... so to say you’re unhappy is like saying you’re sorry its nothing that i care to hear.

[ambientbedroom-blog]

 so i made a new blog here if u want to still follow me and rp with me !!!

[ambientbedroom-blog]

 so i made a new blog here if u want to still follow me and rp with me !!!

[ambientbedroom-blog]

 so i made a new blog here if u want to still follow me and rp with me !!!

[ambientbedroom-blog]

&&. text to ‘looked funny that one day'

tristan: mad is an understatement right now lmao

tristan: fine

tristan: come get them later and leave it at that

emory: well whatever you are, you have every right to be so

emory: around what time would you like?

[icedmarcha]

If I misgender you

TELL ME

TELL ME

TELL ME

TELL ME

TELL ME!!!!!!!!!!

[ruthlessiism-blog]

   “you don’t think we all want to be normal functioning humans?” he asked softly, tilting his head to the side. “neither of us are normal, maybe your brain is wired different from others like mine, maybe not. Either way you like what you like and if people can’t deal with it then they just need to fuck off and you need to try and accept yourself.” he rambled, tangling his fingers together to then untangle them. “babe…” 

[ambientbedroom-blog]

“i just---” then he’s silent for a while, it’s almost as if he needs to stop and ‘reboot’ in a sense. the conversation--- his small little breakdown in a sense, is revealing more and more insecurities; piling on to the enormous collection of the ones he already has. running another hand through his hair, hugo lets a sigh fall from his lips. “i wanna go watch tv in bed...”

[ambientbedroom-blog]

yo, you should like this post and i’ll message u to plot!!!

[ambientbedroom-blog]

hnstly i really want a pairing ( whether it’s a ship or just friends idgaf ) with my olly alexander fc and a troye sivan fc because they’re the cutest friends,,, i love them sm

[ruthlessiism-blog]

    Harley was slow to process these new words, his brain practically making a jigsaw out of them as he tried to store them away to some logical part of his mind that could respond to that. “You are what you want to be, not what anyone else wants to be.” he mumbled, taking a small step closer to the other. “You’re worth something to me… I… Um, you’re one of the few people who I like to be around and I wanna waste my time with you, I wanna waste a lot of it with you and if you’re a freak then so am I. So fuck the world Hugo, don’t listen to it, listen to me.” he insisted, moving over to the trash bag and pulling the skirts back out. “Put on a pretty skirt if it makes you feel happy and comfortable and um… rock it.” 

[ambientbedroom-blog]

“what i want to be isn’t CLEAR, though. i just want to be normal, that’s all.” he’s venting at this point, and he’s all too aware that he’ll be 100% regretful of this in a few hours. yet right now he’s just FRUSTRATED; mostly at himself... “harley, you’re my favorite--- you know that... it’s just? i’m not worth it, like you deserve so much better.” a sigh escapes his lips, letting his eyes flutter shut for a moment or two, “i don’t know WHAT is gonna make me HAPPY anymore...”

[ambientbedroom-blog]

&&. text to ‘looked funny that one day'

emory: lol okay so i get that you're mad at me

emory: i see that you've got every right to be mad at me

emory: but you still have my stuff and i'm running out of clothes at cam's house and like the shelter's got shitty spare clothes

[ambientbedroom-blog]

hnstly i really want a pairing ( whether it’s a ship or just friends idgaf ) with my olly alexander fc and a troye sivan fc because they’re the cutest friends,,, i love them sm

[fluoresccnt]

he waits patiently for nat to form some sort of excuse ( whether it’s the truth or not he’ll believe it, he needs something to believe ). when remy gets his reason he laughs – he doesn’t mean to seem like he’s making light of the situation, or even suggest that it wasn’t a good reason. it’s a nervous reflex more than anything, & certainly not the answer he’d been hoping to get. ‘ you broke up with me because you thought you were making me sad ? ’  he repeats, because oh, the irony. ‘ that was like – nothing to do with anything you did. ’

[ambientbedroom-blog]

he FLINCHES when the other laughs, his anxiety rippling throughout his body--- a reaction like this wasn’t what he was expecting... listening to remy repeat his words gets him scared, thinking he did something wrong ( an unfortunate habit from a PAST relationship ). “you--- you never told me why you were upset, it was almost as if you didn’t WANT me to know.” the boy’s rolling his weight on the heels of his feet, a nervous hand going to run through his hair. “so i just assumed it was me...”

[ruthlessiism-blog]

     Harley wished he was better in these kind of situations, he really did. Often when a confrontation played out or someone else got too emotional he either walked away or just held them, hoping the bad things would dissipative but that wasn’t an option here and he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t understand what the world called normal humans, let alone those who didn’t class themselves as normal. He mulled over his options as to what to say for some time, thought pattern jumbled. “and I’m supposed to be dating girls, having sex with women. I’m not supposed to be dating someone whose biologically a male but wants to be a girl and dresses cuter than any girl I’ve ever seen. But society is fucked up with their expectations of others and you don’t need to conform to them Hugo… I… I like you the way you are, not the way society wants you to be, fuck them.” 

[ambientbedroom-blog]

“i don’t even--- i don’t even know if i wanna be a GIRL; or if i AM a girl, harley. i don’t know what i am and i don’t like it.” he’s hard to comprehend at this point, his thoughts are more scattered than he’d like--- and the poor boy isn’t sure how he’s going to balance his impending breakdown with controlling the urge to just disappear. there’s a sigh falling from his lips, looking down at his feet. “i’m just... i’m not worth anything, society’s right about me. i’m not supposed to be like this.” he has the urge to voice his belief that his parents abandoned him because they somehow KNEW he’d be a ‘freak’ that he’d be something that didn’t deserve their love. “you shouldn’t waste your time with some idiot who doesn’t even know WHAT they are.”

[ambientbedroom-blog]

hugo: [ feels insecure abt their gender and is severely transphobic abt themself ]

hugo: ahh yes... this is why my mom and dad left me. they knew i'd be a fuckup

[ambientbedroom-blog]

“it’s just... you don’t get it--- you’re never gonna get it.” they run their hands through their hair, trying desperately to find this perfect way to explain how they’re feeling. but, hugo’s not going through a simple conflict... it’s major, and can’t be easily described to others. “ever since i came back it’s been so HARD... i’m at war with myself over who i really am, and no matter how hard i try to stop it, i can’t. because there’s no end in sight when i’m this messed up. i just-- i’m an it, not a ‘who’.” he’s overwhelmed-- hugo rarely gets so open about his internal struggles, but this time it got to be too much to hold in and he was no longer able to without a full scale breakdown. not that this isn’t far from that. “i’m supposed to be a boy, i’m not supposed to wear skirts and knee highs and makeup, i’m gross and weird and it’s not alright anymore.”

[fluoresccnt]

‘ listen, i uh.. i know that we’re over. i’m not here to try and get you back or whatever, it’s just that i – ’  he cuts himself off, faltering for a moment. remy had almost entirely prepared what he wanted to say when heading over to the other’s place, however it appeared seeing them for the first time in weeks left him a little dazed. ‘ – just.. just what went wrong ? it seemed to be going fine and i don’t know what changed, if i did something or.. i’m sorry, it’s just that i can’t not know. ’ 

[ambientbedroom-blog]

it’s safe to say that nat’s a little surprised that remy showed up at his doorstep. and surprised was an understatement at best. “–i don’t... i can’t put it anyway that doesn’t make me seem like an insecure idiot.” a shaky laugh escapes his lips as the boy attempts to put his thoughts together. “you just... it seemed like you weren’t as happy with me anymore, you weren’t smiling as much. i didn’t want to be the reason you were sad.”

[ambientbedroom-blog]

harley: you really are, you don't need the makeup to make yourself look cute

hugo: you overestimate me so much bb, but thank you