What makes me happy and how can I bring more of it into my life? I know the things that fill the boredom and entertain me enough to pass the time, but not things that make me truly happy. Even the things I 'like' don't make me 'happy', they just pass the time and help me feel more productive. I can list the moments where I felt truly happy and optimistic and full of joy, but those moments are locked away in the past and cannot easily be recreated. For instance, the first time my son called me "mama" cannot be recreated, and even though I feel love and joy each time he says those words, it doesn't seem to compare to the sheer amount of happiness I felt in that moment. That doesn't mean that every other time is of any less value or doesn't make me happy, it's just different.
The day I went to Oceans of Fun with my s/o was one of the happiest days of my life, and even if we went back I know I would enjoy myself and love spending time with him, but I'm not sure it would measure up to how special the first time was. I suppose to me, finding what makes me happy, has always been this chase for extreme happy moments, rather then the smaller every day moments. I always asked myself 'how can I recreate that feeling when I know doing the same thing won't compare to the first?' and as I type this I realize that I can't. That's a little sad to be honest, but understandable, because those special moments wouldn't be so special if I could just recreate them over and over again.
Being with my son, my mom, my family, the love of my life, whether all at once or individually or some mix, those times always make me happy. During tax season (my second job: preparing taxes) I work from 7am to 6pm, sleep from 10pm to 6am, and this leaves about 3 to 4 hours that I can spend with my son. I am very much looking forward to my days off after tax season closes and I can spend a full day with him. There are lots of moments that I'm looking forward to actually: being with my partner after not seeing him for over 6 months, the day I finish my delivery route in under 6 hours (about 8 1/2 hrs right now), the day my younger sister graduates high school, becoming financially stable and buying my own car, and so on. But the main question wasn't about special moments, it's about finding what makes me happy and bringing more of it into my life. And as I ramble on and organize my thoughts, I honestly don't know the answer, and it makes me a bit sad that I can't answer what should be a simple question. Will I ever find a definitive happiness that I can create or find every day, or am I always going to be chasing that feeling and reflecting on moments past? I don't know, but I'm open to the possibility.
Maybe my search didn't even begin until this very moment, maybe I'll find it tonight, tomorrow, in a year or ten. The point is that I won't easily give up, that I'll open myself up to the possibilities, and that if I find it it will open up a whole different adventure.
izzy806
prguitarman
turnnoffyourmind
dailybridgerton
theartofmadeline
titsay
