[amessagetothealiens]

Why is it so hard for me to be vulnerable

[amessagetothealiens]

.

[amessagetothealiens]

I don't know if I can keep doing this dance. I love him, truly, so so so much. But I'm miserable. Constantly sad. Every night is worse than the last. Crying myself to sleep has become routine. I'm sick of putting in more effort. I know he loves me, but we're not speaking the same language--even remotely. We don't speak if I don't message him first, and even when I do he takes ages to respond and they're not responses that are conducive to conversation. I haven't even heard from him today. I'm so tired. The beginning wasn't like this. He was attentive and encouraging and made me feel so loved and cared for. As time goes on I continue to feel like I'm always second place, because I am. I feel so selfish for saying this. I could never tell him, he wouldn't understand my perspective. So I don't. It takes less than 30 seconds to say, "Hey babe. Sorry I can't talk much. I love you, have a good day." That's it. He makes me happy but lately I'm so miserable.

[amessagetothealiens]

I feel lonely and alone and I just want something else.

[amessagetothealiens]

I am a sad and tired thing.

[amessagetothealiens]

I want to cuddle but my best friend is not here and I'm dying!!

[amessagetothealiens]

A lot of the men I've been involved with only like talking about themselves. What a shame.

[amessagetothealiens]

Tonight, I am sad. Tomorrow night I will still be sad. But I will be a little better than I am right now and that's what counts.

[amessagetothealiens]

You can tell a lot about a person by how they react to your good news, and when you're in a loving, positive mood.

[amessagetothealiens]

How much about me do you know? Really, truly. My favourite band? Movie, color, season, author, day of the week. What do I do when I get up.

[amessagetothealiens]

Sometimes I need to be told I am beautiful, not that I am ‘hot,’ or 'sexy.’ Those are great, sure, but I want to feel beautiful.

[amessagetothealiens]

He successfully made me feel shitty two nights in a row. Congrats.

[amessagetothealiens]

That stings so bad. I'm going to have to stop seeing him. I don't know how to tell him.

[amessagetothealiens]

Ouch. That hurt.

[amessagetothealiens]

I need more friends. Friends who will climb with me and adventure and go places and see things. Camp, cry, cook, laugh. Enjoy each other's company, genuinely.

[itsallokaybabybaby]

:“)

[amessagetothealiens]

I'm being bratty but it's the only way to get his attention apparently so I don't give a fuck.