tea for two

another timy, exist in reels, speaks in threes

[amirahhata]

on “Red-butted Butterfly”: real or not real?

For you may see that the fire within me        still burning with an unextinguished passion        which I somewhat made it my fashion But all I can feel is that        the same power is nothing        but beastly

Ruby may represent strength, intelligence        and other traits alike Nevertheless, like a firefly I could only guide those in the dark        while I still can        knowing that my own light will soon die out Because spirits like mine are destined        to be shortlived.

[find this poem on my instagram]

There was a tweet by a mutual saying that they would describe others with two of their favourite fictional characters (out of many). I got Ruby (RWBY) and Hotarumaru (Touken Ranbu: Hanamaru) which were so foreign to me, I didn’t know their existence AT ALL so of course I went to make a research on that. I found some similarities which kinda baffled me, otherwise it was a good discovery knowing how another person viewed me from my online persona on twitter (not this account). 

So it pushed me to think about the fact that they came out with the two characters based on my name online (adorable and scary but in a good way). Thus it led me to write this poem, contradicting their view with who I felt I really am. Like many others, I didn’t really think that it was real, that being perceived as “adorable but pretty strong and scary” because I was none of those. At all. In a way, this was a self-degrading poem just to feed off of my pity-party self.

Looking it on the other side, however, this can serve as a soft warning or something like “before you follow/interact” notice. A message saying that “you may perceive me online as such, but this is what I’m telling you now. I am not who you think i am, even if we interact plenty on this bird app”. Will it work? Who knows? 

[amirahhata]

on “S P L I T”: yearning for something out of reach, even when you fly with the clouds

A blue gradient 

We share the same sky; 

Here I am among the seven clouds 

The light was blinding for you 

Who hid among the heavy grey

[find this poem on my instagram]

This was written when I was floating in between loving myself and loving the person I hoped for in the future. The ideal self that I had, the expectations held against myself were great (both literally and…that’s a sarcasm for myself), really and I had no excuses not to live up to them. I have always liked baby blue–it’s soft, it’s charming, it’s pleasant.

The person I yearn for was like that too: she was the one who gave me hope for the next day, and the next day, and the next day. I held on to her words that “I could do this”, whatever ‘this’ meant.

And that kinda correlate to my attempt in chalk art for the first time (I stopped after the first attempt), and it was the gradient of blue and grey. A little like a companion art to go with it. I don’t have it with me anymore, though. It was like, slowly, I’m trying to become more blue, sweet blue that I liked. But growth is not linear, and clouds would march past the sun many times a day.