[islamicquotesandreminders]

Narrated ibn ʿUmar رضي الله عنه: The Prophet ﷺ said, "Oppression will be a darkness on the Day of Resurrection."

[Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 2447]

[amirwhy]

Sikit hari lagi, mati hati aku ni.

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[worthless-misery]

Dear diary...

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I will never recover.

I don't deserve recovery. I only deserve pain.

[amirwhy]

I'm okay but I'm not.

#anxiety

[amirwhy]

Yo can i die?

[amirwhy]

Tbh i'm not happy.....

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

With myself.......

[amirwhy]

I'm just useless i guess

[saahib-as-sunnah-deactivated202]

I felt this pierce my soul

[amirwhy]

Masuk hari ke 2 aku tahu results covid aku positif. Dah seminggu sebenarnya aku tak ada deria rasa dan bau. Tapi semalam baru nak buat swab test. Alih2 positif. Setakat ni kuarintin sendiri dalam bilik. Wife dan anak baru swab pagi tadi. Alhamdulillah results negatif. Rasa bersalah sebab tak dengar cakap isteri suruh swab awal. Bukan apa, risau sebab dia kerja cikgu sekolah. Kesian dekat budak2 nanti.

Things get harder bila kau tahu kau tengah ada covid dalam badan. Dalam kepala otak ni berpikir macam2. Hidup, mati, isteri anak, keluarga, kerja, duit, makan etc. Virus attack badan kau, negative thoughts attack otak kau. 2 in 1. Macam nescafe. Dengan sekarang tak kerja, tak ada lah duit masuk. Aduh lagi pening kepala pikir.

Setakat ni family and kawan2 DD je lah tahu. Tak rasa nak bagitau dekat aocial media. Takut ada yang judge. Entah lah taktau kenapa aku suka pikir macam ni. Dekat sini tak ada yang baca tumblr aku. So share dekat sini je lah hahaha

Tu je lah kot. Jaga diri semua. Harap semua terpelihara.

[amirwhy]

18th Oktober 2020

Aku demam. Plus batuk and tiba tiba kena semput. Itu semput paling teruk and lama aku pernah kena. Aku teruskan cubaan untuk tidur malam tu dengan berharap semput tu akan hilang esoknya.

Tapi tak. Semput tu tak hilang. Aku decide untuk ke klinik pagi nya. Arrive, bagitau demam and semput. Doktor check ambik darah and call ambulans sebab mungkin suspek covid-19. Tak menarik. Naik ambulans macam roller coaster. Laju nak mampus dia bawak. Sampai hospital buat swab test semua. Ambik darah lagi. Kena tahan warded for the first time.

Tak menarik duduk hospital lama lama. Mungkin sebab hospital kerajaan haha. Hari rabu, nurse cakap aku ada asma. Aku tk sempat nak jumpa doktor mungkin sebab banyak kes covid. So aku tak dapat nak tahu kepastian betul ke aku ada asma. Lagi sekali aku cuba ignore. Dah selamat keluar hospital.

Badan aku dah tak rasa macam sebelum ni. Bila aku buat kerja rumah, aku cepat penat. Nafas sedikit tercungap. And aku kawan baru. Inhaler namanya. Tak terlintas dalam otak aku, aku akan guna benda ni.

Otak aku ligat memikirkan pasal asma. Aku jadi tak senang duduk. "betul ke ada asma?" "Macam mana boleh kena asma?"

Aku harap aku kuat.

[amirwhy]

Babinyaaaaaaa.

Rasa useless nak mampus.

[amirwhy]

Sungguh tak berguna diri ini.

[amirwhy]

Dosa.

Hari ini aku berdosa,

Masih belum habis yang semalam,

Makin di tambah hari ini.

Hari ini aku berdosa,

Masih lemah iman ini,

Atau aku yang gagal kawal diri.

Hari ini aku berdosa,

Bangsat sungguh diri ini.

[amirwhy]

Sedih sial takde orang nak lepak dengan aku. Haih

[quraanandsunnah]

أمين

[amirwhy]