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@amjjones-blog
So it's at the top of my page - the actual purpose of this blog.
amjjones.tumblr.com/shaitanadish amjjones.tumblr.com/checklist Links to all information about Shaitana and thetownbycycle, the lies they've spread about Tom and his girlfriends, and the tactics used to basically prey on fans for sympathy. Doesn't seem so important any more, ironically. But it's there in case there's a flare up again.
(I am also well aware that I am a ranting bitch cunt etc who doesn't let people have their opinions and I'm sure at some point I've been screencapped and mocked and blah blah blah. I'm not too bothered. I've screencapped a few people - although tried to keep it minimal and specific to an issue, not just anyone I disagree with - so it'd be hypocritical to get upset over it. I do apologise for bad feeling and tensions I've probably caused. I don't feel regret for anything I've said, because I believe in it. But I know my blog has become, in its own way, a toxic place. Because I've become too focused on the negative and let anger eat me up. If anyone takes anything from this space, I hope they realise that calling for empathy is a good thing, but it can easily become self righteous. I also hope that this cruel attitude towards girlfriends across so many fandoms stops, and the cycle of arguing and spite stops too. I know I contributed to it, and I'm sorry for being a dick at times.) (I'm not sorry for the Shaitana/TOBY info though. That's why my blog was made in the first place and even if you have issues with Tom's girlfriend(s) I'd hope you agree that making up sources and lies about Tom, designed to make female fans feel upset by his 'fake nice guy image' is deplorable and shouldn't be accepted.)
Final point though - all these lamentations about wanting the 'old' fandom back and how it was so much better and less hateful then? The 'old' 'good' fandom never existed. In 2011, people were hating Tom's relationship with Susannah and creating blogs to justify their shitty reactions to her existence. In 2013 people were hating on Jane. In 2014 people made up outright, outrageous lies about Tom and tried to drag him down as a weird punishment for 'lying' to them. In 2015 (and all the previous years) people encouraged each other to damn near stalk him in his home area, and made blogs pretending to be residents or insiders. They took pictures of him in his private time and sold them to newspapers. They harassed his coworkers and accused him of 'lying' because he wouldn't tell them what his relationship status was. And that's just concrete relationship related stuff. Add in the general creepiness of fans arranging meet ups or renting property near his house so they could manufacture a meeting with him. Add in the sharing of private images from his social media accounts and family/friends'. Add in the constant hostility and low level anger directed at him whenever he doesn't live his private life how some fans want him to. Add in the troll who harassed fan fiction writers. Add in the anons who send racist abuse, often at opportunistic moments to cause even more arguments. Add in the fake accounts on twitter to try and trick Tom into meetings. Add in the people who insist they're not the problem, yet have been figuratively stamping their feet and huffing about Lizzie for fucking months, up to and including showing exaggerated preference for other costars just as a way to snidely put her down without looking like an outright arsehole. And these are the people who go to Tom's twitter and Instagram and demand he apologise for lying, or for dating someone they don't like, or his actions and who he hung around with over the summer. Oh, and the 'where is Tom?' anons aren't new either. There was a lot of online monitoring of his whereabouts last year too, because god forbid he was with Lizzie. And there's plenty of fans who, like I said, arrange to conveniently be in London when he is. This isn't a new thing brought in by Taylor fans wanting him to be with her. In fact, given the blogs I've seen it on, it's almost dead cert the opposite - people who desperately need to know he's not with her (although if the relationship is SO OVER GET OVER IT - and yes, I do think they're not together by the way - then why are they so worried?) And then flip that all around. There's still plenty of good in this fandom. Just because I'm doom and gloom doesn't mean everything else is. The good and bad always existed (so no, it's not the 'new fans' fault). Golden age thinking isn't going to help any arguments.
Anyway, sunshine and happiness, guys! I hope Tom finds a partner he really loves, and I hope he's really happy, and I hope he gives a massive fuck you to anyone who tries to undermine that. (the bitter ugly part of me also hopes that serial girlfriend haters really fucking despise her and it eats them up inside to see him happy. but the side effect of that is the hate she'd receive, so in reality I wish for realisation and personal growth from people who enjoy gossip and spite a bit too much) amjjones-out. Remember, all info on the Shaitana-Tobes issue are still on my blog. I might be back, but right now my mental health is screaming 'abort, abort'. I want to enjoy being a fan of Tom /others, rather than be the blog that people like and reblog from when it's convenient (i.e. to provide some people with moral, performative, superiority) and ignore when it's no longer convenient or popular to call out toxicity. Honestly though, most of you guys are lovely and I hope you enjoy the fandom more than my broken, anxious brain is able to. I just wanted to do some good, but I'm not sure it's all that good anymore. ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️
Why am I still doing this? Because...
this can't be normalised or swept under the rug. As soon as we sit back and allow this behaviour to be justified, it opens the door for it to happen again. Whether the people responsible reenact it against Tom's next partner, or in whichever fandom they latch onto afterwards. And every time people say 'never again' or 'I only hated her, not all his girlfriends'... every time I hear that, I know it's not true. Maybe it's true for some people, but I'm not really going to commend them on that - well done, you weren't a complete arsehole to *all* his girlfriends, just one of them! Go you! - and for the others, it is just.. 100% a lie. Every time they have their flare up of mismanaged emotions, spiteful remarks and sustained unpleasantness. Every time, they justify it and accuse anyone who says 'hey, that's kind of not okay' of being a bully or a bigot, and they're entitled to their opinions. Every time, they insist it's just this one. Aaaand... every time, it's not just this one. And remember: it's not just words or gossip between friends. You're on the internet. It's public. Something I say on tumblr or twitter or Instagram can be seen by, theoretically, a whole lot of people. It can be spread quickly. It's desensitised and much more likely to be really nasty, because all the other people in the echo chamber want to pour their nastiest thoughts into an online space that doesn't have the same repercussions as a face to face talk would have. Look how easily people say 'choke' or 'die' or 'trash' as a way of communicating 'I disagree with what you're saying here'. Imagine the look you'd get from actual people if you said that out loud. *shrug* I'm going to end this here. For now. I did say 'fuck it' and went quiet for a while, figuring if people want to be dicks then have at it, all they're doing is showing themselves up. But the last week, I've had an urge to try and stop this cycle from happening again. I really hope it does stop, and outside of the Taylor-hate-train people gain some objectivity. If it can't be salvaged this time around, the least we can hope for is it isn't given oxygen next time. And like I said, fandom is better than this. I'm shit at fandom because I find it difficult to ignore the bad in favour of the good - I'm like, how can I ignore harassment and hatred and lies against actual, real people just because others who've decided 'I like your face and acting/singing and want to talk about you online' have decided to commandeer their private lives. I don't subscribe to the 'just ignore them' option. I wish I did! But that's why I'm shit at fandom. And that's why I have more optimism for others who are able to enjoy the good :)
'they’ve let themselves off the hook by insisting their investment over these boys has nothing to do with wanting them for themselves sexually, as if tinhatting isn’t inherently sexually possessive, they think it gives them free reign to want these boys to perform romantically/sexually for them in different ways.' 'I didn’t want them personally, but I wanted to keep them as the idea of them I’d had. And them being with girls messed that up.' (http://thelarrative.tumblr.com/post/149367728917/i-feel-like-so-much-larrie-bullshit-and-fandom) 'But all of them refuse to accept that their words ARE action - expressing these things on the internet isn’t just feelings, it’s vocalizing those feelings publicly, and that can have actual consequences and do actual harm, and (they) utterly refuse to accept responsibility for that.' 'What the hell kind of community have they created? Is this the side effect of how their whole worldview is based on asserting their own fantasies as valid over any evidence to the contrary? They’ve created a pattern where their feelings are the only thing that matters? Or maybe it’s just the natural offshoot of the overall toxic environment. Whatever it is, it’s deeply disturbing.' (http://lrambling.tumblr.com/post/149381549261/the-counter-narrative-lrambling-in-response-to) These quotes aren't from Tom's fandom. But they're very relevant. This is not just about Taylor. It's not about 'well I don't have to like her.' It's about the same attitude over and over and over again, and the 'mealy mouthed' excuses people make for their actions. Why is it that after this summer, suddenly people want to argue there was no misogyny - that was all an accusation made up by us to make the poor innocent souls look bad! - no hate, no toxicity? The toxics have been shrunk down to the small handful of women who got blocked on twitter, and anyone else isn't toxic at all, no matter how glaring the evidence is. Maybe sharing posts from other fandoms will help some people see clearly how out of hand this is. Because when it's an appeal to stop with *your specific* hate, you'll always have your reasons and excuses to hand, justification for why you're acting this way. If only more people would take a step back and consider their actions in terms of real life. I'm well aware that my friends and family would be a bit 'okay then' about this bog. But at least I know they'd not look at me differently because of the hatred I encouraged against two strangers' relationship. Also - shit-bc-haters-say for an outside view on the Cumberbatch situation. I'm not aware of blogs for other fandoms, but I'm sure they're around too.
Perfect Ultimate Tom 😻
Seriously though. 'Yes, in my spare time I run a blog where I get overly suspicious of an actor's relationships and try to convince myself and others that it's fake. Me and my friends make jokes about the woman and criticise her for basically everything. Sometimes we even harass them on social media or tweet out hashtags to show how annoyed we are by his relationship. We also console each other by repeating the mantra "the contract will be over soon... three months... it won't last, it's a rebound, he doesn't even care about her at all...". If we get it right we pat ourselves on the back and say it's because he never cared about her. If we get it wrong we just change the date based on our insider info. But it's not mean! It's snark and that's a totally different thing. And we're not misogynists or against him having a relationship... he just hasn't met the right woman for him, as chosen by us and our ever changing, hypocritical list of requirements. Because we know what's best for him and his career, and it's not *her*.'
Bottom line? I believe this fandom - every fandom - is better than this. People love to pump up the positive effects of fandom, and of course they exist! But look at the negativity. Look at the normalised hostility, suspicion, and scepticism exhibited towards women who are linked to the favoured popular guy of choice.
Whether it’s Sebastian fans calling his girlfriend ‘Mango’ to sneer at her; Benedict fans calling Sophie a broodmare, a famewhore, an octopus, an abusive fake-baby gold digger; Tom fans calling Taylor a snake and denying the mere thought that he could have actually liked her or that she has good qualities that attract people; calling Lizzie smug, pathetic, a stalker; calling Jane a drug enabler, easy, making assumptions about her relationship to Tom; calling Susannah a gold digger, career climber, criticising how she dresses and shaming her for performing a nude scene; One Direction fans variously calling girlfriends PR beards, ugly, famewhores, taking advantage, fake babies, old, generally unworthy; Chris fans calling Jenny ugly, their relationship a stunt; the list goes on.
Look at that and tell me it’s okay. That they’re all 'entitled to their opinion’. Because from where I’m standing none of that is okay. And the irony is, the women (because it is mainly women, our fandoms are mainly women) who do this have so much to say, and they big themselves up as being 'real’ and 'snark queens’ and 'sassy’ and 'dgaf you’re awesome’. But if they ever found themselves dating a man who had a fandom? Well, that 'realness’ would be seen as obnoxious. That 'snark queen’ would be a bully. That 'sass’ would be pathetic, attention seeking crap. That 'dgaf you’re awesome’ would be arrogance. Their group of 'telling it like it is’, 'we see through the PR shit’, 'we’re allowed an opinion’ blogs - their 'friends’ - would throw them out and tear them down the same as any other girlfriend. The attributes that lend themselves so well to snark culture would not serve them well when it came to the fans of their boyfriend.
And the more I read about this happening in multiple fandoms, the more I hope that we really are better than this. Because the light, kind, uplifting side of fandom is so great, but there’s nothing light, kind of uplifting about... this.
Tom Hiddleston here.
that first gif especially, really can see the boy inside the man <3
charmainemaclendon -> has been in Cumberbatch fandom as a skeptic too. zerofucksclub -> same. teachatsugar. hollywoodbs. lyingtom. wthanon4u -> also rude about Sophie Hunter, Liz Olsen. famehunting. ladytron2000. lemonade time -> rude about Sophie and Liz too. There you go Anon. I included when they have history with other women because they probably argue they're not haters they just have an opinion but when it's similar for 3 women who date you faves, it starts to look like you're the problem.
And now you know why I have all of them blocked. And that’s not even going into all the things they said about Tom.
[x]
Sun is coming up.
By the way, here's a reason why I'm so against 'discussion' (read: I'm going to hide my nastiness about someone's private life under the guise of 'discussion', even though it's still kind of weird to run a blog 'discussing' someone's relationships) blogs - google Tom's previous girlfriends, specifically Susannah and Jane. Google Sophie H. Google other not-so-famous women* who've been linked to any of the big name actors, boy band members on social media. And then remember that members of the general public may google these women. Prospective employers may google them. Family members, friends having a laugh, may google them. And what have we, as fandoms, put in the search results? The 'discussion' blogs, full of nasty gossip, mean spirited comments, disparaging and false rumours... quite high up in the search results actually. I don't think that's right. In my opinion. Sorry. *here's where Taylor has an advantage - googling her won't automatically bring up these results in the same way because there's so much else about her out there. Others aren't so lucky. Sebastian S.'s girlfriend, for example.
Toxics and conspiracy theorists: *assume Tom should be 'ashamed' or 'apologise', that he's made a mistake' he needs to atone for* *cyber monitor where he is and try to prove he didn't really see Taylor* *make up stories about contracts* *talk about staged flights* *got unreasonably angry every time Tom doesn't do what they want* *pose as sources and feed fake information to each other to prove it was a stunt* *harass him on social media* *call him and her disparaging names* *set up 'discussion blogs' dedicated to circle jerking about how totally fake it is, how thirsty he must be, how stupid the fan girls are for believing it* *constantly make claims that are easily proven wrong, or just don't make sense*
Toxics and conspiracy theorists: *are still obsessed with the 'fake relationship' and follow everything 'the snake' does*
Toxics and conspiracy theorists: *have done this to his previous girlfriends or sexual partners* *have done this in other fandoms* *will probably be dickheads to his next girlfriend/partner too*
Toxics and conspiracy theorists, upon seeing some fans are convinced they're secretly meeting up: OMG, how pathetic are these shipper fangirls? Ugh, they're reaching so hard to prove their theories. They're stalking him! Crazy bitches, why are they making shit up and lying?
Anyway, Resident Fandom Grump is leaving again now.
