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#gonna rehab this knee I stfg #and during this slow summer I’ll make art learn more anatomy and masturabte my heart out.

#tea #together?

One good thing is I don’t have the capacity to process too much right now so it’s very much in the moment one foot in front of the other.

#I wish people would stop telling me how to heal or asking if I’m okay

There are really people who don’t like rap and hip hop

Tore my meniscus

Gut and mind all fucked

Making me sink to a low vibration of negativity and hopelessness d e s p i t e knowing better

It’s a reminder of living alone and not having a person to care for me

Which is what it is

I know this is not so bad in the scheme of bad things but it’s my world concaving

A person fulfilled by movement no longer having that freedom feels worse than the sentence implied

And of course the pain is constant so god I hope I am tolerable to be around gotta keep my attitude checked

Using words that can't be heard, you silenced mine //

El Beso

BY ANGELINA WELD GRIMKÉ

TRISTA MATEER I Swear Somewhere This Works

#fy

I gave up cigarettes and alcohol as of last Thursday. I’m also not drinking coffee daily for the time being. Idk. Time will tell. Nervous system regulation and all that.

Just cause I can do it alone doesn’t mean I want to.

#not applicable to all things but obvi the healing

I went to see Backrooms yesterday because I needed to elevate and ice my knee so I figured the theater was a good spot. I passed out in the middle of movie. I’m really hoping to have at home care for my knee. And I’m so sad, embarrassingly sad that I am not in Detroit right now watching the finale of a run of three. So is life. Incomplete, unanswered, uncertain.

#but dope as fuck still

Such a beautiful second show. I did whisper play rear view so maybe it was planned or maybe I’m favored by god, despite my injuries.

Limping to Loba a man asked if I twist my ankle and I said no, my knee. And he said he was familiar the he had injuries when back in the day when he played football. Then he said yeah I still think you’re very beautiful so it’s okay. Hahahahha I laughed so hard.

I was trying to make it to the Detroit show but I really cannot do the standing and that makes me wanna hurl.

Andy’s show last night was in-fucking-credible. Caroline, a memeber of the angelic vocal society opening for the leader, Andy, was body chilling. She is so talented. He is so talented. The music is everything. It is so beautiful to gather in a space where an audible sigh of the collective communicates we fucking care. I care.

So tonight is night two, and I’ll have to end it there. Feels like a metaphor, what for?

WYWH

#they gave me the ada king ty Zachary #(on account of my knee #I think?)

Cute

#yeah you’re invited

Hmm, what to say. I’m an idiot, I reinjured my knee. It’s more severe than before. I should make changes to my plan but just like the reason I’m hurting again, I’m too fucking stubborn.

Why can’t I just take the low hanging fruit, fuck

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