I sure hope this is actually going onto my personal blog, because I don’t want to show you yet. But for the past five years, I’ve been holding it in, and now that you confessed, I really need to get it all out.
“no wonder why I liked you. Yes I remember that part. Just didn’t tell you”
Three simple sentences that hold so much to the point of me not checking where I was posting my thoughts. You saw my questions and answered, calling it the biggest fail ever, but there’s a reason you saw it. I told you I’ll tell you the reason why I don’t think it’s a fail soon, because you’re with Jina rn and it’s not important.
But in 8th grade, I always had a feeling you liked me back (not sure if that’s the grade you liked me) because of how you acted towards me. Always asking for hugs, poking me, and even protecting me from gossip other people created. I would ask you over and over again if you did, but you never responded with a yes or no, always with a why. I got so tired of you asking why, so I confessed “because I like you” and it was quiet for a while. You messaged back with a rejection, saying “sorry” you had a girlfriend. Right there, I cried. I liked you for one year and during that one year you didn’t say anything about a gf, especially since you liked another girl at school (Elisha). You invite me to formal, you never showed up. You said you were going to give me a gift, it was never given.
What was given was a response to my “do u like me” again, not a yes or no, but a “I’m sorry.” And depression hit, I felt as if I wasted my full year liking a guy who just wanted to play with me.
Middle of summer, I finally get a message from you asking if i know you. Again, that was meant to be, everything that happens is meant to be, and I said yes. You told me she died and you lost your memory, but I had no clue what was going on. Were you playing with me? With everyone? I have no clue, I even asked Roy and he doesn’t know either. But it brought us closer, and since that day, I cherished you again. You were and re-became such a close friend of mine.
I sooo very much thank God for you, you have no clue either. Thinking how other girls want a best guy friend, and here are you. Sure depression kept creeping through, and it still does, whenever I feel unloved or rejected, that same depression creeps in over and over again. The message u left made me doubt a bit because of what I went through in 8th grade summer. And you saw my thoughts cuz I accidentally posted them on the wrong account, and now here I am, explaining to you what you may have forgotten..
But I hang out with you, I see you so happy with your girlfriend, I see your smiles, and I feel good. I’m glad you are happy, in a relationship, with what you go through, with everything, your smile makes me smile.
Now you might think I still like you, but that’s not the case, they say that you never lose feelings for your 1st love, and yea that’s true too. Idk if I would date you, cuz feelings just linger back, idk if I could trust them. but The message you left, of you confessing your past feelings, didn’t make me angry, but I felt at a loss. You have your reasons of why you didn’t tell me, of why you left it all unsaid till that Saturday night, of why you confessed when “it’s not important rn” but I’ll let it go… I’ll let you be,, whatever needs to happen will happen.
Thanks for telling me though, enjoy your relationship, and don’t worry about this. Cuz “it’s not important rn haha”
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