🚩Trauma Talk and Self-Limiting Beliefs
By Anastasia Darkwater
I love my mother. She did the best she could with what she had. Today, I hold nothing but love and compassion in my heart for her, but in being raised by her, I picked up some self-limiting beliefs that I took in deeply.
The seeds of my self-limiting beliefs germinated as a result of her often repeated, kind of joking? phrases such as: "Children should be seen and not heard.", "Never have children because they are ungrateful and they ruin your life.", and her favorite saying if I asked for anything was "Want in one hand and shit in the other. See which fills up faster."
Hearing these phrases every day, one's brain starts to turn them into truths: don't be loud, only be present when you're needed/wanted, don't ask for anything, don't want anything, don't need anything, I'm ungrateful, I'm a burden, I ruined my mother's life because she was too scared to get another abortion.
I did my best to be unseen, unheard, and want nothing. I became self-sufficient, I needed no one, and I completely isolated myself from humanity.
Some things I learned: being unobserved or unheard is nearly impossible in the age of smart phones and the internet, and if I really think about it, privacy is a rather privileged thing to ask for or demand, in the sense that total privacy is really only available to the wealthy. The rest of us live amongst each other, sharing walls, sharing space, keeping ourselves small so we don't bother anyone else.
It's one way to live, but it doesn't bring happiness or freedom or peace. The secret really is in letting go. Giving in. Taking up space. And that takes me to some fear.
The fear for me is not wanting to bother others (be a burden). What if what I'm doing is disturbing someone who I can't even see?
I dislike being disturbed by others. I feel so helpless in wishing they would stop doing some annoying thing. Can't they understand they are affecting others??
While I simultaneously believe everyone has a right to do their thing, and I'm awful for being annoyed at them. What a paradox!
I don't have the answer on which is right, to be silent and never risk annoying each other or to freely express to our heart's content. Both are valid, and it depends on the context. It's a debate for another day.
All this rambling is to show, by way of my personal example, that fears can be overcome, and if a fear of being heard is something you struggle with, you are safe in this group. Here, we invite and encourage you to discover and explore your voice. True joy, bliss, and calm are just one shrutibox session away!
Let the vibration of your voice reawaken you to your body! Come sing with us!
Ps: You don't have to sing to attend a Sound & Shadow Ceremony! ❤