Hymn for Her

I was too lazy to tag all of my photos, so I made a secondary blog. LEW4NDOWSK1: main blog.

[lew4ndowsk1]

I’m tired and kind of ugly tonight. Enjoy

[anberlexi]

I'm so proud of my naturally straight teeth… AND I sucked my thumb for thirteen solid years. 😁

[anberlexi]

[anberlexi]

In your mind's eye, you see pentacles.

[lew4ndowsk1]

Selfies or nah ☀️

[lew4ndowsk1]

Fick avec moi

[anberlexi]

There’s more than cigarettes burning here tonight. 🚬💌🔥

[anberlexi]

Went to the dance studio that one time and never went back lol

[lew4ndowsk1]

Specs.

[anberlexi]

I don't care if it's a new year; the only altered thing is the last digit in the date.

For my sake, I need to love myself more than anything else. I don't understand how I was doing this so wrongly the past six years. After over half a decade of self-loathing and throwing pity parties with low attendances, I learned to love me. No one's being around taught me how to tolerate me, how to aid me, how to scold me, how to be me. 

It's not beautiful, and I'm not going to charade as if I enjoy this. I don't. I'm just so damned tired of feeling bad for myself and getting nowhere with that disposition.

I hope this experience will teach me that I don't necessarily need friends as long as I love myself and believe in myself, even if I know in the nape of my neck and the back of my mind that there's no possible way I can accomplish something. But that's fine because I'd rather be the one to tell me that I'm incapable of accomplishing a goal, instead of some outsider who poses as a temporary friend.

[lew4ndowsk1]

Selfie compilation of 2013

[lew4ndowsk1]

Oh how I love Chelsea

[anberlexi]

I liked my collar bones, and my cleavage, so I'm gonna show them.

[anberlexi]

Testing the waters with apps to make sure I'm not gonna waste time, money, and skin on tattoo ideas and placements. I'm not gonna get a straight floral half-sleeve, but it'll be close to this, I believe. 🌹🌸

[lew4ndowsk1]

Here’s a selfie for you all. Ignore it. This is just a sign of my vitality and that I am not dead, yet.

[anberlexi]

I deleted it by accident so oops repost

[anberlexi]

I still defend you to this day. I act as if we never broke up. I'm still defending you when my mum calls you a piece of shit, or says that you lack ambition. I defend you when guys I try and talk to call you a dumbass for dumping me. I'm defending you. I still consider our breakup my own fault, none of yours. I don't tolerate anyone's ridicule of you. I defend you as if you are still mine. Meanwhile, I'm sure I don't even cross your mind. Dammit, I wish I wouldn't have declined your offer to remain friends. Was I bloody high? I ruined my own life. I thought when I went off to college that I would forget you. I come back home, sit down on my bed, and I realised I'm still living in my head.

You're still with the girl who cheated on you. You're still defending her.  You still claim that you love her. You're still breaking my heart.

You still don't give a damn. But what do I know you're still doing?

I still haven't heard from you in months, going on years.