“It may be the wrong decision, but f*ck it, it’s mine.” - Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves (via the-book-diaries)
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@andintothesun
“It may be the wrong decision, but f*ck it, it’s mine.” - Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves (via the-book-diaries)
This most recent death has me thinking a lot about what I would like my funeral to entail
Mourn me for as long as you deem necessary, but continue to live life in the way I wish I could have
I’m sorry to break it to you, but I am not religious and do not want any type of mass or prayers from any religious organization
...instead play “The Breeze” by Dr. Dog, “The Long and Winding Road” by The Beatles, and anything else you deem fit in my memory
Please do not let my body rot in a box in some cemetery where you will never visit me; instead spread me in all of the places you feel my presence
To anyone who drinks, do a shot of Fireball and make sure to bring it down for myself and all of those gone along the way
Celebrate my life on the lake where I grew up; I would like to be a part of one last lake party
And if anyone on my “unwelcome” list attempts to show up at my funeral, tell them this verbatim: “She has made up a list of people who are not welcome at this service and as it turns out, you are the entire list.”
Attached: my “unwelcome” list
Because of You, I Have Loved.
I am one simple human being on this earth, and I think the only thing that makes me unique, is my heart.
I have a heart who is worn proudly on my outer sleeve, for the world to view, and this is done without shame, even when the social constructs of society tell me that to be a man you must not show emotion or sensitivity.
I have never listened to this construct, and I live my life according to the love in my heart and the wisdom of my soul.
This heart of mine is what led me to you, and whether you have come to accept it or not, your heart is what has led you to me.
I know I come from very humble beginnings, by now, you know my full story. But humble beginnings or not, my heart has never wavered and has never given up on the love that it holds for you. So, I withstood your silence and endured watching you with another, all the while breaking the very heart that keeps me alive.
I know how precious you are. I have expressed to you, and the world, time and time again, that under the superficial pretenses of what society deems as worthy in a human being, I could not compare to your past or other admirers.
But, I also know that if those pretenses were changed from being plagued by the superficialities of money and status, and were replaced with things like unconditional love, devotion, loyalty, passion for life and a desire to heal humanity, nature, and our Mother Earth …
Then no one else, in all of earth’s people, could ever give to you, what I could give to you.
I know if I say goodbye now, I will never find another you and I may never experience this sort of love again.
So, I will not tell you goodbye.
I will say, I love you. I love you with all that I am made with, but I pray that you understand that I must love myself more, in order to sustain the very heart keeping me alive in this world.
Know that you are loved and that even though our paths will not end together, may you know that I thank God every day that our paths ever met at all.
©Tyler Anzan Cota
Pic by me, Stinson Beach, Ca.
“This is not something anyone can teach you. Heartbreak you must learn on your own.” - Chelsey Philpot, Even in Paradise
via @the-book-diaries
““We just got to accept that some people can only be in our hearts, not in our lives.””
— shoujoismybigtoe | iamkaathy
“I don’t even know why I’m surprised anymore.
I did this to myself.”
It is delicious to be anonymous on a foreign city street.
Jennifer Grotz, from “Self-Portrait on the Street of an Unnamed Foreign City,” (via violentwavesofemotion)
Untitled
“Someone once told me that time heals all,
But they never mentioned how it first shreds you into sand.
They never mentioned that water would only solidify you temporarily.
Those words were meant to be encouraging.
The problem is it only brought me false hope that these scars would vanish,
Not blend in to my already imperfect skin.
But I didn’t know that then so waited as the days turned to weeks,
The weeks turned to months,
And eventually I caught onto the lie I was told on that day.
An epiphany so strong I lost my breath and static filled my head.
The only thought was that lie and how I so easily believed it.
My sand was just starting to allow grass to grow roots.
But a wave flooded me when that light bulb turned on.
I struggled to see how I could be so naïve.
How could I think that one day it would be as though you never left me?
So I waited until the hurricane in my head settled.
I still felt like I was drowning,
But at least I could sleep without the water filling my lungs.
And even though I didn’t know it then,
Roots do grow back.
The sun does shine tomorrow,
The storm does settle and the birds will sing again.
And I came to learn that these things do happen when they’re meant to happen,
With or without you.
When those months turn into one year and then two,
I look back on how that stormy day was the best day of my life.
Because it was not thunder I heard; but your voice.
Now I understand how you show me every single day that happiness is okay.
I feel it in the breeze when a sweat starts to break.
I hear it when a baby laughs.
I taste it in coffee and in pasta.
I smell it in the sweetest of flowers.
I see it in the sunshine you send upon me.
So now I tell people that time heals all and how time healed me,
Because I know how to listen for your laughter in a thunderstorm.
Because I know how to flourish during the rainiest of years.”
(November 2014)