the intersection of desire and suffering @andmaiden - Tumblr Blog

private usfw-ish sideblog. please do not follow or interact without permission. if you happen upon this anyways, please just respect the boundaries until i say it's okay. thanks

tags: prompts. writing. headcanons. essential posts. references. core.

#dni with this post

a-z headcanons. E, N, O asked by @jupiterfree

E - erotica: do they read or watch it? does it get them in the mood? do they create it themselves?

she does read erotica, but like ... it's anaïs nin and henry miller.¹ i don't think it's something she reads to get in the mood. well, it is and it isn't, which is the answer for most questions. i know i have already said it a few times and i am so sorry that i keep giving this answer. but yeah, it's less about having something to create a mood for anything physical, and more about having something to challenge her intellectually. and then she can sit in the dark with it for awhile, think about something devastating for a minute (being in love, having emotions), and then she will just throw a book at the wall. storms off even if she's the only person in the room. basically she reads the kind of erotica that upsets her and will make her lash out.

¹ [if you ask me, i don't even think nin and miller should count as erotica because they're both so fucking weird. like it is erotica. but they were also insane. none of this matters though because apparently this blog is not about me or my opinions.]

i don't think she's really watching porn, at least not on her own. it's not really her thing because she's too preoccupied thinking about it being staged. she might watch it if her partner is into that, but probably just so she can pick their brain and be like "what part of this appeals to you" and then file that information in her brain like a mental encyclopedia. not judgmental, just curious.

there's probably a heavy amount of sexual content in her own writing, but i also don't think that should count as erotica, because she's only ever going to write about it in an uncomfortable way. it's interesting to her and only her and it's rarely ever the kind of thing you'd want to get off to. somehow she manages to write about consensual sex in a way that actually sounds scary and intense and that's probably why the censorship groups keep trying to get her books off the shelves.

N - nope: do they enjoy orgasm denial or do they want to see how many times they can make their partner cum? somewhere in-between?

this is a good question because i've never really thought about it in detail. but yeah, i feel like she'd be into either, depending on the situation. i think she'd like the mental/physical anguish of it. she's not what i would consider traditionally dominant because it's more so about power struggles for her; even if she's the dominant partner in a relationship, she likes that being challenged sometimes. she doesn't need to be in charge, but she doesn't hand anything over without the effort. but she is also hypercompetitive and will be a huge bitch about it. it's a whole thing.

she's easily overstimulated, which could be useful during sex, so i think being the recipient makes more sense for her. if that happens, and it probably will, she'd just need a couple minutes for a breather. but i think it would be a very intimate/vulnerable thing for her, not in a bad way.

if anyone tried to edge her, she might get really mean about it though. she can do that to them, but if they do that to her, she'd probably bite them.

O - open: do they enjoy having things in their mouth? if so what are their favorite oral fixations? (fingers, toys, giving oral, etc.)

speaking of which, she usually needs to have someone's hand/arm/shoulder/whatever to chew on like a stim toy. she'll let people put their fingers in her mouth.

she's not that enthusiastic about giving oral, but she can if she wants to. probably won't most of the time, unless she's being nice that day. probably uses it as a bargaining chip sometimes. "if you do [x], i might give you oral" or whatever, emphasize on "might" because she really just can't let anyone win.

toys are a grey area. she's not closed off to it, but i don't think she really gets the point or appeal. might be another one of those things where if someone else was really into them and if she liked them enough, she'd be fine with that. #adaptable

does any of this make sense. i say every time i answer a question. does it.

#headcanons.#answered.#two mottos for the blog: 1) it is and it isn't. 2) does this make sense

spookiesmausoleum

𝐘𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐀-𝐙 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭

Remember to specify muse for multi-muse blogs!

A - Affection: How affectionate are they during sex? Is it different with people they're romantically involved with? Can they sleep with people they aren't?

B - Body: Are they into a specific physique? Why or why not? Are they just preferences or complete turn offs?

C - Chatter: Do they like to talk during the act? If so what do they like to talk about? Is it just dirty talk or something different?

D - Dominance: Are they into those types of power dynamics? Or do they like to stick to whose topping and bottoming? If they are into it why? If they aren't why not?

E - Erotica: Do they read or watch it? Does it get them in the mood? Do they create it themselves?

F - Food: Do they believe certain foods can be aphrodisiacs? If so what foods are like that for them? Do they like using food in the bedroom or is it too messy?

G - Group sex: Have they ever tried it? Would they ever want to try it if they haven't? If they don't enjoy it why not?

H - Humiliation: Are they into it? Why or why not? How far will they go? Do they enjoy being de-humanized or is it more being made fun of?

I - Intensity: Do they like intense scenes? Or are they more a slow and take their time kind of person?

J - Jousting: Do they like having more than one object or person inside of them? If so do they prefer toys or just multiple partners? Are they curious about it?

K - Kiss and Tell: Do they talk about their sex life to others? If they do do they go into detail or are they more casual about it? Do they share photos with other people or are those private?

L - Licking: Do they enjoy using their tongue on their partners or is it too gross? If so what are their favorite places to use their tongue?

M - Masturbation: Is it a part of sex for your muse? Or is it something completely different? Do they enjoy watching their partner or being watched?

N - Nope: Do they enjoy orgasm denial or do they want to see how many times they can make their partner cum? Somewhere in-between?

O - Open: Do they enjoy having things in their mouth? If so what are their favorite oral fixations? (fingers, toys, giving oral, etc.)

P - Preference: Does size really matter to your muse? Whether it be for others or toys in general. Do they have a favorite type of toy they like to use? If so is it the same to use on other people?

Q - Quiet: Do they enjoy trying to see how long their partner can last without making a sound? Do they enjoy loud or quiet partners?

R - Risk: Are they into some risky kinks? (breath play, exhibitionism, blood play, etc.) If so what are their favorites? Do they practice them safely?

S - Suspension: Are they into being suspended like on a swing or during rope play? Or if not, what's the highest place they've ever had sex?

T - TMI: Your opportunity to talk about any dirty thing you want to talk about with your muse. Could be kinks they like or just facts.

U - Underwear: Do they enjoy lingerie or dressing up for their partner? Or is it too much of a hassle? Favorite garments to wear? Do they ever go without underwear?

V - Violation: Are there any kinks your muse flat out won't do or even people they know? Are bringing them up enough to turn your muse away from a potential partner for good? Any pet names get them like that?

W - Water: Do they enjoy shower sex or anywhere else that's wet like a pool or hot tub? Is it too awkward?

X - X Ray: What's going on under your muse's clothes? Do they have any special scars or places they like to be touched or avoided? Describe their physique and anything else you'd like to expand on.

Y - Yes: Do they have any specific turn ons? Things that will automatically make your muse say yes to sleeping with someone else. If not what are some other things that get them in a more romantic mood? Lighting? Dinner?

Z - Zones: Favorite places they like to be touched? Are some less obvious than others? Any places they absolutely hate being touched?

#inbox.#what the hell sure

andmaiden

me (asexual) running this blog

andmaiden

#ooc.

i can't remember the other oomfs i mean to share this blog with. brain fog returns

#figuring it out later idc rn #i have wikipedia to read

finished re-listening to l.olita podcast and i had things to say about alice and that book. i made a whole thread about it which i don't really feel like copy pasting right now (i would if anyone needs me to) so it's screenshots

tw for the themes of that book, its very loaded cultural legacy, and also Her Life, which include csa, grooming, and non-explicit mentions of the worst things that can happen to a teenager.

#ref.#csa mention /#grooming mention /#abuse mention /

andmaiden

disclaimer: if you're reading this and thinking hey why didn't you share this blog publicly or tag main? here are some answers below

i want to keep this private as long as possible. if you are here, i trust you completely with everything i post and just ask that you don't promote or rec anything. it's not a Secret Blog, but it does need to be a We Don't Talk About Fight Club thing until further notice. it's for safety, mostly.

highly aware that many elements of the story can be extremely triggering for people in the community. i am not running the risk of someone making a mistake of clicking something because let's be real. i open the things i filter out sometimes and i know most of us do when we are being evil to ourselves, which is the worst time to do that. those triggers are not discussed on main and won't be lingered on in an exploitative or graphic way here, but still heavily talked about because we need to address it respectfully. alice doesn't exist without those themes and it is not a shameful thing, just something i feel a responsibility to treat carefully. it's for her sake, mine, and everyone else's as well.

full disclosure, people are fucking weird about her sometimes and that has heavily affected the way i share potentially triggering and usfw content. it doesn't matter how and i am not dreading it or anything, just being careful and learning what i am comfortable putting out and to who i share with.

some friends invited here will be ship partners, but maybe others aren't. some ship partners and close friends may not be here immediately, but that is okay and does not mean they are less valued. just taking it slow, choosing wisely. everyone who is given permission has my trust with her, which is the main thing.

if you find us and recognize us anyways, that's totally fine! i won't hide from you at all and you can ask if i am open to new mutuals here, but please be kind if i need to say no. it's never going to be a permanent no, just a for now thing. we will not be arguing/guilting/shaming anyone! if we need to have any conversation regardless, you will know where to find me when it matters.

if i don't know you at all, we are not mutuals on main, and you attempt to interact or ask to follow, i'm just gonna block without asking any questions. i don't have time to waste telling people not to do anything, just going to remove it from my space.

i know it's really obviously me but please don't go around asking my mutuals if it is. leave my friends in peace. i actually do have to say that.

not going to apologize for how strict this is because if you deserve to be here, you understand boundaries should matter. i appreciate that and do not welcome any less than that minimal effort. thank you for understanding! hopefully we'll talk soon.

andmaiden

for new oomfs, welcome to my haunted house where we talk about her stupid baka life and also sex but in really unsexy terms

#hi #the reason you are only being told about this now is literally just because i forgot almost every person i know when i made this blog #i was going through some brain fog. dw about it

i've also made this joke before (except idk if it really is a joke for her because she is thinking about it very seriously) but one of the reasons alice can't find any interest in p*gging is because she feels like she'd be letting freud win and she simply cannot allow that

#ooc.#i have tried to explain to her that you can also just be into p*gging for completely normal reasons #and i think she knows this but she feels haunted by freud and refuses to give him satisfaction

me (asexual) running this blog

#ooc.

i keep making jokes about this post because. lol yeah. but in all seriousness, this is probably a good thing for her. like if anyone wants to conveniently forget her entire history and experiences, that might be very healthy for her, i think she just needs a redo

#core.#blythe and i talked about this because it is very relevant to aliceconor #but i think for alice in general. like if we can just give her a redo i think she'll be rlly good and normal after

sexual headcanon alphabet. how loud do they get during sex? do they prefer a partner that's louder or one that's quieter? asked by @jupiterfree

generally tends to be kind of soft, will grow in volume if she is comfortable, but she's not a screamer. she likes to muffle herself. something something about intimacy being a bit of a private thing.

she doesn't mind partners being louder, mostly just as an indication that they are comfortable enough to do that. being completely silent would probably be odd to her because how is she supposed to know that they are even into it. it doesn't have to be chatty, but she likes to have some form of communication.

do they like to watch their partner masturbating or having sex with someone else? do they like to be watched?

entirely dependent on dynamics, and i think it does require her to have minimum Level 20 #Trust towards anyone to allow any type of voyeurism. i do think it works for her, if she feels that trust. even if they haven't gotten there yet, i think she's blunt enough to outright say "i'm going into this room to get myself off and you're not invited" and just closes the door. lowkey gatekeeping herself a bit. if you stick with her long enough, she'll be like "fine you can be in the room or whatever."

it is kind of shocking that she is even capable of having a relationship with more than one person, i know. sometimes i look at her and i still go "🫵 serial monogamist question mark❓" and then i think about it for a bit longer and i realize no actually she can survive in a polycule if the other people are also insane enough. yeah but basically she's fine with partner(s) fucking other people, as long as it is like a committed relationship. i don't think she can handle this in a casual setting. if you're dating her and you wanna fuck someone else, you have to be in love with that other person. /vaguely threatening.

if you wanna jerk off in front of her, honestly that's fine. i don't think she cares that much as long as you don't have an expectation for her to do anything. not to say that she wouldn't, but there has to be an option for her to leave at any moment or just stare at you very intensely without speaking. she can maybe act normal about it sometimes, but you have to know and accept that there is a possibility she will not.

#headcanons.#answered.

sexual headcanon alphabet. do they have one-night stands? if so, how often? asked by @jupiterfree

i am glad this is a question because it really is A Whole Fucking Ordeal with her. the only reason there hasn't already been a post about it is just because i don't wouldn't know where to start. but i will try. for my friends. #poweroffriendship

alice thinks she is very capable of having one night stands and being completely normal about it. she is a tiny bit delusional about her capabilities here. but i can tell you right now that she was not built for hookup culture, and she knows this as well, deep down in her subconscious. she was built for writing letters by the window, awaiting her suitors who have been sent off to war, and then lying on their graves while mumbling to herself after they are shipped back home in a body bag. however, with the invention of things like raya (she's not on there but people have told her to use it), people in her life who say she should get outside more (sometimes they force her be outside), and public drinking establishments (where a girl sitting alone while eating a cup of cocktail cherries is seen as an invitation), she is often in situations that suggest otherwise.

the thing is that alice will do one night stands sometimes, but they either result in a few more nights (if not a full blown relationship) or they end right there, with feelings of regret and dissatisfaction. and yet, for some reason, she keeps doing them again, thinking "well, maybe i just didn't do it right last time." no girl, you actually did fine, you just don't like it that much.

honestly, it's not as bad as it sounds. there are situations where it actually just ends up being like, "well fine i guess i will let them call me again and i guess i will answer" (her reluctance to admit that she can experience genuine affection and attraction) (although her taste is questionable) and it just ends up being a Reverse Slow Burn of sorts. often in this exact order: having sex with someone > continuing to have sex despite saying she wasn't going to do that more than once > learning basic information about them > expressing human emotions > continuing to have sex > seeing them regularly > establishing trust and vulnerability. that's probably her best case scenario. she is usually annoyed the entire time anyways because she thinks she is soooo good at being unattainable yet desirable. i don't think that's actually true tbh i've seen her fold for minimum effort before.

the other scenario that does come up sometimes isn't as positive or healthy, because alice will sometimes seek out failure before anything else. #selfsabotage and whatnot. like as a general rule for herself, she never engages with people who are more than 10 years older (you know, considering the Everything about her), unless she is doing that to punish herself. she still has a belief that subjecting herself to encounters she doesn't actually like very much is going to fix whatever is wrong with her brain in that moment. she's still careful not to put herself in situations that feel too risky or dangerous, but yeah, she is sometimes hooking up with an older guy who hit on her at a bar, just because that's easy for her to do. she will not call them again, but still.

in any case, she is overly cautious around people. the more a person seems to know about her as a 'public figure', the less likely she is to have sex with them. it's fine if they know surface level information, but people who are like... invested in her... are almost always out of the question. hence why she is often at dive bars that you wouldn't think she should be at. the slightly overpriced downtown bars for chic intellectual artist types do not work for her as well as they should.

yeah so this ended up being a much longer post so i guess i have to separate my answers individually. if there's shorter answers to anything i will just throw them together in one post. the duality of my blog.

#headcanons.#answered.

i love 2 reblog things here knowing that whatever she comes up with will be a cry for help and there is nothing i can do

#ooc.#i cant fix her. not sure if thats even possible

poohsources

🐝 * ― 𝑺𝑬𝑿𝑼𝑨𝑳 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑶𝑵 𝑨𝑳𝑷𝑯𝑨𝑩𝑬𝑻. ( send one or more to learn a little more about my muse and their sex life. note that these questions are only suggestions, you can go wild with the headcanon prompts. )

[ aftercare ] ― what are they like after sex? any specific routine they have for themselves or their partner that they like to do? [ body part ] ― what is their favorite body part? what kind of body / parts would they like their partner to have ( e.g. big boobs, long cock, etc. )? [ cum ] ― what does it take to make them come? can they come multiple times in one sitting or do they need longer breaks? [ desires ] ― what turns them on? what do they like to have done to them most? what do they like to do to their partner most? [ experience ] ― how experienced are they? how many different partners did they have? [ first time ] ― what was their first time like? when did it happen? did they enjoy it? [ grooming ] ― do they shave? do they have a preference for their partners when it comes to body hair? [ horny ] ― how high is their sex drive? do they have a lot of sex or is it a more occasional thing? is sex, in general, important to them? [ intimacy ] ― how are they during sex? do they prefer a more intimate / romantic approach or a more casual one? [ joker ] ― tell one random headcanon that wouldn't fit anywhere else on the list. [ kinks ] ― what is their biggest kink? are there any kinks they haven't tried but want to? are there any kinks they have tried but learned are not for them? [ locations ] ― what are their favorite locations to have sex? are they a risk taker where people could walk in on them, or do they prefer to keep it private? [ masturbation ] ― do they masturbate? if so, how often? [ no go ] ― what wouldn't they do? what turns them off? [ oral ] ― do they prefer to give or receive oral? anything specific they enjoy / don't enjoy when it comes to oral? [ positions ] ― what are their favorite sex positions? is there something they typically default to? a special position they've always wanted to try? [ quickies ] ― do they have one-night stands? if so, how often? [ rounds ] ― how many rounds can they go before having to take a break? how good is their stamina? [ secrets ] ― do they have any dirty secrets? if so, what are they? [ toys ] ― do they on toys? do they use toys on themselves or like to use them on their partners? [ underwear ] ― what type of underwear do they typically wear? do they own lingerie? is there something specific they like their partner to wear? [ volume ] ― how loud do they get during sex? do they prefer a partner that's louder or one that's quieter? [ watch ] ― do they like to watch their partner masturbating or having sex with someone else? do they like to be watched? [ xxx ] ― do they watch porn? if so, how often? anything specific they like to watch? [ yearning ] ― what do they typically do to get people to have sex with them? do they let it happen naturally or are there things they like to do to turn their partners on? [ zzz ] ― how quickly after sex do they fall asleep? are they usually tired after or full of energy?

#inbox.#i guess!

mcflymemes

PROMPTS FOR THE MORNING AFTER * adjust as necessary, nsfw implied

this... isn't my bed.

i'll make us breakfast.

wait, how long have you been here?

did you stay the night?

you're so beautiful like this.

did i give you that hickey?

don't get up. stay right here.

kiss me again.

nice bedhead.

are you... wearing anything?

this was a bad idea.

i've wanted to do that forever.

did you enjoy it?

i did a number on your back. sorry about that.

is this your shirt?

maybe you should go.

i had a great time.

if you stay, i'll make us coffee.

i shouldn't have stayed over.

come back here. please?

i've never been like that with anyone before.

there's a bra on the ceiling fan.

did we... actually...?

we could do it again, if you want.

you made me feel... incredible.

was it... okay?

you look beautiful in my bed.

what do you remember?

was i too loud?

you can borrow my shirt.

i guess this makes us more than friends.

this can't be happening.

i could spend the day just like this, right here with you.

is that a hickey?

this was just for fun. it doesn't mean we're together.

this wasn't supposed to happen.

should we talk about it?

what time is it? i'm late for work.

how long have you been awake?

i remember... everything.

we should do that again sometime.

i think we cuddled.

that was the best night of my life.

what parts do you remember?

why don't you stay for breakfast?

was it good for you?

the sex was great.

how do you like your eggs?

are we still friends?

sorry, i've got morning breath.

i'd really like to keep seeing you.

i'm glad i invited you in.

finally... fucking finally.

please don't leave the bed.

don't make fun of me if i walk funny.

this doesn't mean anything.

my friends are never going to believe this.

i don't even know who i was last night.

no one's ever taken care of me like that.

let me help you clean up.

maybe we should forget this even happened.

i'm just going to... leave.

you said some wild things last night.

you're wearing my shirt.

maybe we could make this a regular thing.

am i blushing? i'm blushing, aren't i.

where did i put my glasses?

your clothes are in the living room.

i need a shower.

your hair's a mess.

you make a great pillow.

i thought we agreed this would ruin our relationship.

did i do something wrong?

we were pretty loud.

do you want me to leave?

i asked you to stay the night.

i bet your neighbors hate us.

stay like this.

well, that's one way to bounce back.

what about round two?

don't let go of me.

why don't you join me in the shower?

we can't keep doing this.

we're fucked, aren't we.

how long have i been asleep?

i tried to keep feelings out of this. i really did.

#inbox.#i guess!

both of these but not in a mysterious hot girl way. there is something much more sinister going on here

#core.

new url. hi

#ooc.#was going to use one of the others but i think i will save those for smth else

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the intersection of desire and suffering