trying on a metaphor

roma★
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Cosimo Galluzzi
wallacepolsom
we're not kids anymore.
Not today Justin

Origami Around
🪼
Sade Olutola

Kaledo Art

if i look back, i am lost
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
One Nice Bug Per Day

JVL
occasionally subtle
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Three Goblin Art

seen from Malaysia
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@andopr
Jesse R. Berlin One-Sheet
Jesse R. Berlin cut his teeth in the vibrant Tex-Mex Blues scene of 1980s Houston, TX. Nicknamed “Tireman” for his involvement in an off-the-books chop shop (mostly Nissans), Berlin’s first, fledgling bands practiced in his brother Gerry's auto body garage after-hours (the siblings also worked on early iterations of Laser Tag equipment). After a tedious quasi-hazing ritual that included drinking a mixture of Gatorade and milk, Berlin eventually settled on Tommy DeLiorno and Shep “Jamie” Chance on bass and drums, respectively. With a rhythm section secured, the group—originally called Dip Stick and quickly changed to Steel Wheels—took up residency in “Mama” Rich Daniels’ notorious Devil May Car bar, doing three to five sets a week.
Word of mouth spread and the Wheels soon curated a strong east-Texas following. Armadillo Records took notice and In 1983, Steel was released, credited to Jesse R. Berlin and Steel Wheels. The album peaked at 103 on Billboard and set the stage for 1985’s Wheels Go Round, the group's second and most popular record, featuring the single “Baby Get Along (Just Don’t Get)” which charted in the high-60s. Hoping to capitalize on the band’s growing buzz—and mainstream breakthroughs by kindred peers like KD Lang and Stevie Ray Vaughan—the hastily issued double-live effort, 1988’s Rollin’ Through Minneapolis (Wheels Don’t Fail My Now) didn’t make much of an impact. By the time the band's contractually obligated fourth and final release saw the light of day—the redundant, poorly-selling Filling Station: The Very Best of Jesse R. Berlin and Steel Wheels (1989)—tensions had already driven the group apart. DeLiorno joined Bruce Cockburn’s touring band and Chance stuck with Berlin for his first three solo releases, 1990’s Berlin Wall, 1991’s Tireman, and the tepid, predictable covers collection Still Behind the Wheels (1993).
Berlin then went fully solo in an odd and, frankly, embarrassing foray into electronica. Playing solidly against his strengths, 1996’s MachineME (credited to JRB-1) featured no guitar and distant, heavily processed vocals. In hindsight, Berlin’s supreme ignorance of beat-making technology (and complete lack of experience as a producer) leant the music an unintentionally paranoid, ambient, and decidedly minimalist feel, predating Chillwave by at least a decade; at the time, however, it was seen as a colossal misstep. All but ignored by critics and fans, addicted to Excedrin, and profoundly in debt, Berlin took another left turn with 1998’s Reflections. Released simply under the name JESSE, the album was a somewhat confusing stab at Contemporary Christian music. While bringing back the guitar (albeit incredibly sparingly) was a step in the right direction, the record’s insipid lyrics and half-baked religious themes—most prominent on “Learning from Him (Learning from Me)” and the nine-minute groaner “Elijah”—left anyone still following Berlin’s twists and turns scratching their heads.
Surprisingly, Still Searching, a second JESSE album in the CCM vein, was issued in 2001. It sold even more dismally than Reflections and seemed like the final and long-overdue nail in the coffin; indeed, it would be seven years until Berlin resurfaced. "Worth the wait" might be generous, but 2008’s Rotating the Tires, credited to Jesse R. Berlin feat. Steel Wheels (with both DeLiorno and Chance back in the fold, along with new keyboardist Grant Pierce) was certainly a back-to-basics return to form. The band toured North America twice and was featured on the second stage at the Chattanooga Blues Festival in 2009. Old fans tacitly agreed to block out the JRB-1 and JESSE era, critics favorably reappraised Berlin Wall (which Capitol remastered, for the first time on vinyl, no less), and the band even scored some new, young fans thanks to an irreverent but endearing animated television spot for the NBA.
Sadly, what seemed too good to be true—this second life for a hardworking blues band that never quite got their due—ended up being just that. Unable (or unwilling) to get comfortable playing by the numbers, Berlin disbanded the group just as they were on the cusp of reestablishing themselves (demos from the shelved Wheelies showed substantial promise) and isolated himself in his San Marcos studio for three years, writing and recording the bizarre, essentially unlistenable Glitter Lung (2015).
Two Legitimate Interviews w/ Mount Eerie
How different are you day-to-day to the person you come across as in your music? Are there parts of your personality you'd like to be able to express but find it difficult to?
Rob, great question. I've often longed to talk about the real Bill-- that's my name, technically, Bill Ron Elvrum--but feel a little painted-in-the-corner by indie music culture. I'm sure you understand, given the intimidating complexity of my music. At the same time, though, my personal habits are fairly run of the mill, even a bit boring, I suppose. Pedestrian. Here, let me take you through a typical day in the life of Bill...
I try to wake up just before dawn and go for a run with my iShuffle. In these early morning hours I usually listen to music that's inspiring, but not terribly intrusive, maybe some Sting or Death Cab. Ideally, the sun is coming up when I return home. I fucking love that shit. Nature, right?
At this point I'll fire up the blender for a creatine shake before lifting. A few years ago I set-up a pretty kick ass Nautilus and free weight system in the garage; needless to say, it's an invigorating way to start the a.m. grind.
For any nuts out there, my upperbody workout is basic: bench press, incline bench, flyes, hammer curls, preacher curls, tricep dips, lying tricep curls (skull crushers), tricep rope pulldowns, shoulder presses, shoulder lifts, pull-ups and chin-ups. On alternating days I work my legs and back; everyday I do abs. I also do lacrosse at Adult Intramurals in Everett.
After working out, I shower and relax with a few cigarettes. I subscribe to USA TODAY, and will leaf through most of it while watching a little television. Around eleven I go downtown to the bank. I probably don't have to tell you that I have made a little bit of money doing the music thing, and Mern, my chief financial advisor, is a close family friend. The two of us typically crunch numbers for a few hours, then hit the links in Mount Vernon.
I never imagined myself as a golf guy, but it's something I've really taken to, not to mention the fact that some of the college girls who work at our country club are pretty damn tasty. Mern and I do lunch there, and it's not out of the ordinary for me to talk to my NASDAQ guy, Paul, around noon.
On sunny days I take one of my cars out and open her up a little bit on the interstate. I've always had a thing for speed, and it's nice to indulge "that side" sometimes. I've been favoring the Audi TT a little bit lately, although I still have mad love for my Saabs and BMW. Last summer I started my pilot's training, and only need one hundred and sixty-five more hours of air time before I'm certified.
Around dinner time I'm definitely tubbing in the jac, or taking a hot shower with my wife. Maria, our live-in, does the cooking based on our suggestions. After dark you're always going to catch me in Seattle, on Broadway, checking the clubs or watching some dancers. It's hard to say "no" when you don't have to pay for anything. I gotta tell you, man, I love this life.
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Please state your full name for the record.
Bill Ron Elvrum.
At what age was your first foray into music? What gave you the initial spark to begin creating?
When I was a sophomore at the University of Florida I was in Gainesville's most popular Buckcherry cover band. We played every Thursday to easily 300 people at Michael's and every Saturday to around 700 at Gatornuts. I was nineteen then, and still pretty much a virgin. I had gotten head a few times, but nothing beyond that. Anyway, my point is, this was a really exciting time to be making music. Our drummer, Brian, was a hell of a player. He would hit the fucking snot out of his kit, and people FREAKED. Bri was a sort of cousin-figure to me at the time. The hours we spent in that crappy little rehearsal space, going over changes, smoking cigarettes, practicing going up a girl's shirt. Man. Now I'll be the first to admit I'm not exactly Les Claypool, but jeepers effing creepers, who is, right? Les still influences me to this day, although now it's mainly on the lyrical end. I'm actually working on this new tune called "Turtle Shit" that is SOOOOO Primus it's not even funny.
What gives you inspiration to create such diverse, emotional music?
I guess the easiest way to say it is: I have problems.
The soundscapes used in Mount Eerie/The Microphones songs give off a strong feeling of darkness/loneliness. It's something, which for me, is very close to the core of your music. What is the process in creating such soundscapes?
I'm a really lonely person.
What is your writing and recording process like?
I try to do it as fast as possible. Kind of like making love, if you get my point. I work QUICKLY. Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
What are some of your favourite contemporary artists?
John Vanderslice, Wilco, Train, etc. Why did you spell favorite like that?
As I've said previously your music is very diverse in its emotional spectrum, instrumentation and conceptual basis. Who would you say influences you the most?
Well, like I said above, Les has really been all over my lyrics lately. I've sort of been rediscovering STP and have also gone pretty deep with the new Carrie Underwood. I love that song 'Drops of Jupiter' by Train.
You have a massive back catalogue of independently released material. This leads me to believe you are very prolific in writing/recording songs and art in other forms also. If so, is this something you find a mild necessity or is it something you enjoy immensely?
Oh, I wouldn't say I "enjoy it immensely." This is a job, dude.
What have you been up to for the past six months and what do you have planned for 2008?
Jesus, um, well, for starters I bought an apartment building that I have been living in, as well as renting. It's not the easiest thing in the world to be a landlord, so that takes up a lot of my time. I'm also "the super," which is not as super as the fact that it's called "the super" would lead you to believe. To be honest it pretty much sucks. I have to do a lot of small repairs and things like plumbing, tiling, painting, etc. Taken individually, little projects like that can actually be sort of rewarding and even meditative, but when it eats up your whole weekend, that's when you have to look in the mirror and say, "Man, my life is pretty depressing right now."
Any possibility of an Australian tour in the near future?
No.
FlickrBlockrs I & II
Hello, My name is Malin Hanas and I write for a Swedish comics/street culture magazine. We'd like to feature the FlickrBlockrs in our mag and would be really grateful if you'd send us press images and answer a few questions.
Hey Molly,
Thanks for the fax. Great to be in touch with a fellow Switzo. Most of my dad's family is from Bern! But let's CUT this pizza, already! You need answers, m'lady, and it's answers ye shalt receive! In SPADES!!! AY CARUMBA, ASSHOLE!!!!! (get it?)
1. What's the story behind the FlickrBlockrs?
I don't know if they have "off track betting" in Switzerland, but here in my country it is HUGE. Like, boner big. BIG TIME SUCKY FUCKY. (get it??) Anyway, I have what *several* doctors have labeled a "severe" addiction to gambling. Unfortunately, I don't often "win" or even "break even." This means debt, Molls. It is humiliating, it is alienating, it is quite literally emasculating. Please don't ask about this last part. Now, the Jammesens have ALWAYS had a little bit of the "get rich quick scheme" in their blood and I'm certainly no exception. I often have lots of alcohol in my blood, too (this is another addiction, and one that I have given up on trying to beat).
Anyway, when my roommate and ex-boyfriend Jona came up with this idea for an internet prank, I jumped at it. I would've, if I was fit for a leap! My third and final addiction is food and not exercising. As for the FlickrShittrs, It was MY idea to charge money for them!! Jona was pretty much against that, even though he's very, very greedy when it comes to promoting his own band. He's also emotionally greedy.
2. Who are the people behind them?
Me and Jona, primarily, although I guess we should give credit to all the a-wipes who actually payed us money.
3. I see they're sold out. Any plans on selling again? How many pairs did you sell?
We sold close to 4800 pairs. If we don't get jail time for this shit, you bet your alpine ass we're selling more. SO MANY MORE. Let me close with this: PEACE!!!
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I can't speak for Jona, as we haven't been on speaking terms for over eleven months. We have, interestingly enough, been on "touching terms," which means we can still be intimate without exchanging words. There *is* a good amount of eye contact, and I won't lie to you...it's pretty intense. I also whimper a lot, just before the moment of truth. Thanks for asking about this. As regards those FAKERBLOCKRS, I'll be dead honest with you Molly, this whole situation makes me feel like absolute horse shit. Pure and raw. Grade AA dog and horse shit. I'm not sure how that translates in your discerning Germanic dialect, but maybe this will get the message across:
O O
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Are you reading me, now, buddy? That's ME. MY FACE. MY DIGITAL PICTURE. Download an emotion or just double click the dick, because I am depressed and I am ready for ANYTHING. If I'm ever in Zurich, I'll look you up or just straight-up find you, but until then...
JAMES OUT!
[attempted Myspace profile for Sermon the band]
Sermon "Wanted: True Seekers" Hazleton, PA
MEMBERS Mike and Gary Pizzah
INFLUENCES Both: BUOS, Newsboys, U-2, DCT, Creed, Lifehouse, Pearl Jam, Jars of Clay, Kelly Clarkson, Blink 182, our fiancees Beth and Carrie-Anne, the Tamaqua Community Worship Band (thank you Pastor Kevin!!!), Nickelback, Maroon 5
Gary: Keith Green, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Phil Keaggy, Kirk Franklin, Michael W. Smith, Vince Gill, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Alan Jackson, Resident Evil, Halo 2, Madden, the Left Behind Series, riding the Phoenix at Knobel's with Beth, the Flyers, LOTR, jamming with Mike
Mike: Blessid Union of Souls, Pearl Jam, Kid Rock, POD, Michael W. Smith, Gwen Stefani feat. Akon, DMB (Dave), Bret Michaels, Triple H, Stone Cold, South Park, Halo 1 and 2, the Left Behind Series (the movies ONLY), the Ring 2, bacon cheeseburgers, long slow hugs with my fiancee, every type of Doritos, jamming with Gary
SOUNDS LIKE U-2, Lifehouse, uplifting, devotional, Christian, Catholic, uplifting grunge rock (with some rap and country influences)
LABEL Unsigned
BIO Formed in fall of 2007, Sermon is an excellent Catholic/Christian rock group from Northeastern Pennsylvania. They love to play worship music. Mike and Gary are two close brothers who live and work in Hazleton (Northeastern) PA. Gary is currently training for lay ministry, and lives with his cousin Micah. Mike is a professional electrician who works for Brozena construction in White Haven. Gary has been engaged to his beautiful fiancee Beth for over six and a half years. Beth is an RA at Geisinger Medical Center. They hope to be married in the summer of 2008 (fingers crossed). Mike is recently engaged to Carrie-Anne, the keyboardist/lead vocalist of the Tamaqua Community Worship Band. Mike and Gary try to get together two or three times a month to write and record worship music. Gary looks forward to open season for small game. He formed the Tamaqua annual devotional hunting, camping and worship trip for fathers and sons. Mike spends every other weekend with his son Dustin. Mike has a small studio in his semi-furnished basement. Mike and Gary have been recording their compositions there. They are looking forward to their first live gig date, at the St. Aloysius Bazaar in Edwardsville, PA. Please support Sermon!!!
Please note we love comments and picture comments but any profanity will be deleted, along with your friendship. Keep it clean, guys. And girls. :)
GEAR LIST Jasmine, Applause and Washburn acoustic/acoustic-electric guitars GHS Boomers strings (10 gauge) Crate and Roland amplifiers Danelectro Pingpong slap pedal Yamaha DX-10 keyboards Dr. Drum Drum Machine Garageband Pro Studio
VERSES James 1:12-16 Isaiah 1:18 Leviticus 16 John 17:18-20 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1
ALL-TIME FAVORITE BANDS Creed, Pearl Jam, U-2, DCT, Lifehouse, Grits, Lenny Kravitz
ALL-TIME FAVORITE VIDEO GAMES Duke Nukem, Halo 1-3, Super Smash Bros., Ninja Gaiden, Madden, Resident Evil, Mortal Combat
ALL-TIME FAVORITE MOVIES Terminator 2, RoboCop, Commando, Disturbia, Saw, Freddy Vs. Jason, Remember the Titans, Field of Dreams, Forrest Gump, Candyman, IT, The Replacements
ALL-TIME FAVORITE SODAS A-treat Rootbeer, RC, Pepsi, SURGE, Dew, 50/50, JOLT Cola (Mike only), MUG
ALL-TIME FAVORITE FOODS Spaghetti and meatballs, chicken fingers, sausage and peppers, meat, venison, deer jerky, snake jerky, Arby's Big Beef Montana, anything at Arby's, Frosted Flakes, Rice Krispies, Kudos bars, elk meat
ALL-TIME FAVORITE STORES Dick's, Walmart, Super Walmart, Sam's Club, Sheetz, Home Depot, Lowe's, Sears, Jiffy Lube, Circuit City, Electronics Boutique, McDonald's, Nextel
1. Anyone who knows me—and no, I don’t mean people who write me emails saying they “love” my music (note to self: who cares!); I’m talking true friends like my hunting buddies and my sensei Wuz—knows that I’ve been into rolling coal before it became a thing this year. Obviously it wasn’t even widely called that until very recently and I have mixed feeling about it becoming some go-to Tea Party fad. (For the record, when it comes to the Pauls, I’m way more of a Rand fan than a Ron one, but barely.) Anyway, I first got into under-aspirated exhaust output probably six or seven years ago after a botched festival run. I was overplayed, underpaid, and seldom laid (not counting oral or whatever; obviously I got some tail but not straight sex) and needed a serious pick me up. The phone calls were coming pretty hot from my licensing guy, Derien. This guy won’t be picking up any awards for World’s Most Savvy CPA anytime soon. He’s a complete ass munch, but knows his away around 401(c)3 loopholes like a mother-scratcher. And, honestly, this time the pills weren’t making them—or him—go away. (Full disclosure: In April of 2006, I shifted away from Klonopin to a Demerol-Darvocet blend and, $6800 worth of property damage to a GameStop—charges remain “pending,” I’m supposed to add—later, it was made apparent that the switch was NOT working for me.) So where does a burnt out, opiated, horny-as-shit “indie rock” (I hate that term, BTW) star find himself when the rope gets thin? Well, when the dust settled I found myself removing particulate filters from my cousin-in-law’s Isuzus. We used to burn pretty hard around Cincinnati, mostly up north in the Carthage, Roselawn, and Hartwell neighborhoods. I’m not one for metaphor. (Have you tried actually sitting down and reading my lyrics? No thanks!) But at the time it felt like those ominous plumes of black smoke had something to do with my career arc and what I “needed to do.” It was a dark time.
2. I got even deeper into Silat this year. I’ve been practicing on and off for nearly a third of my adult life, but decided to commit in 2014. FYI: Malaysian martial arts are not like riding a bike, and it took about 30 seconds to realize my jurus were weak at best and potentially dangerous at worst. Even at the height of my obsession, I was never big on freeform tari; all that chi-sao-style sensitivity training just seemed, well, too sensitive for me. I don’t know about you, but I feel most alive when I’m in my kekuda and going nucking futs with a kris or parang. Maybe that’s just me, and it probably doesn’t help my mindset that I grew up going to a place called Steve’s Violent Karate. Anyway, to quote Cartman, I am what I am. Fighting is two parts strength conditioning, one part ego, and a buttload of rage. Quick story: I was working on my new album Sauna (this is in post, which we did in Colorado Springs) and just couldn’t get this one bass part to quantize right. I was royally pissed and needed something to take my mind off it. On a whim I found this amateur mixed martial event (think UFC without the claws) and yanked a few chains to get rostered. Totally got wrecked early, but it cleansed me. In the end it didn’t matter as we subbed the bass part out for some turntable work.
3. 2014 was kind of the year of commitment for me in a lot of ways. (And if you think I’m going to talk about the stint I did in Kirkland at Fairfax for “behavioral health needs,” you best check yourself. Number one: It was blown way out of proportion on Pitchfork; they said I was in for a week when it was no more than five days TOPS. And number two: Even if I WANTED to—which, surprise surprise, I DON’T—I’m on gag order, per King County. No, I’m talking about ink. I’ve had a few tattoos over the years. Nothing to squirt over; I did the barbed wire thing on my left bicep when I turned 18 and the next year got the Deicide logo on my lower belly (just below navel). This year, though, I upped my body art game substantially. My wife’s best friend draws in Redding so we both went down a few times to get worked on. I’m roughly 40-percent done with a sleeve that incorporates Neo-Druidist and Celtic Reconstructionist imagery: ogham, runes, coins, etc. I also got the Joe Boxer smiley logo. (Don’t ask.)
4. Another highlight of this year was finally dropping trou and getting sack deep into the horse game. Not to completely throw my music under the bus but as you’ve probably noticed it’s not exactly priority numero uno anymore. So when I got the opportunity to buy major stakes of a few training thoroughbreds out of Remington Park in OKC, well, I jumped at it. It’s not like we’re naively gunning for Windsor or Epsom, but my team took enough minor purses this year to wet my stick in a pretty major way. What’s exciting is that we’re not limiting ourselves to flat racing. A few of our ponies are steeplechasers and I can’t even begin to tell you how thrilling it is to consider National Hunt competitions. My primary jockey is a Flemish cat who came out of the Ostend scene; can’t speak a lick of English but jeepers crackers can that son of a gun ride. Can you tell I’m a little obsessed? LOL.
5. I’ve been saving this one for last. After the doc cleared my knee surgery in February, summer couldn’t come soon enough. And for me, that means waterskiing. Hard. I don’t think it’s compromising jack to tell you I reissued my back catalog almost exclusively (save for some random booking debts on the World’s Cup; that’s a different article altogether) to pay for my Malibu Response TXi. I used to have a Nautique that just chewed and it was essentially a dream come true to trade up. And I mean way up. My TXi is a beast. Tournament grade? Check. Indmar Monsoon engine? Check. Great pull? Um, YEAH you could say that. The tracking on this thing is nasty and the visibility is just insane. I was slicing wake 24/7 from June to early September. My band was pissed because we turned down two or three bigger summer gigs but they can eat it. As music becomes less and less a part of my life, it’s inspiring to find new hobbies and goals to fill that vacuum.
Guest Best Of 2014 List ~ Phil Elverum
Mount Eerie Top 5 of 2014
1. Finding Dollars in Coal Seams
I made a decent amount off of hydraulic fracturing this year. “Fracking” (I hate that term, for the record) leaves a bad taste in the mouth of some bleeding heart types (boo hoo) but all I taste is cheddar. And it’s not like I’m on the ground in Williston literally tapping into the Brakken formation. Hell, I spent maybe 11 weeks total in Anacortes with my wife this year—do you honestly think the rest was in coveralls extracting hydrocarbons? Get real, son. I can barely find my dingus most days, let alone a wellbore filled with black gold. But when your portfolio is stacked with ETFs like Market Vectors and EOG, the bills get thick. Now who’s the idiot?
2. Learning to Dance
I turned down a tour with the band “fun.” this year but still got to write a song with them for the Hunger Games soundtrack. It didn’t even get picked up but Eerie’s cut of the advance was bananas. My wife and I went to Botswana on safari (if you’re curious, it was fairly underwhelming except for seeing a gorilla take a dump inside of an old Peugeot chassis) and after six days in the bush she flew back to the States. I stayed on and went to Angola on this very, very ill-advised attempt to sell a gun. (I really shouldn’t offer many more details about this, and if you need to edit out even the mention of it, I get that completely. This was a huge life-mistake on my part and, without a doubt, was the most scared I’ve ever, ever been.) Anyway, the upshot is that while there I got really into Kizomba. I’ve always had a bit of a thing for movement (my mom used to call me “Booger Butt”) and even though I never got too serious with it, I’ve had my moments. In 10th grade I actually got kicked out of a hockey banquet for wet-grinding Tracy Keenan, and my first year out of college (Oklahoma State) I sank a bunch of money into this developing (and eventually shelved) musical based on MC Hammer called “Oakland: Rhythm & Street.”
3. Losing Weight, Gaining Insight
I’ve never been good with confrontation. People know they can walk all over me and it’s not uncommon for me to shower friends and, honestly, people I barely know with lavish favors and, often, literally blank checks. Case in point: I was at a Jaguars game in October and afterwards somehow ended up in LaVilla with what felt like half the stadium (drinks on me, of course). I usually don’t mind in the heat of the moment but the morning after is rough. I’m trying not to party quite as much since I found out that beer makes me insanely hungry and food is another vice it’s hard to sidestep. Long story short, I found myself weighing in at just north of two bills this year. It’s not like me to get hung up on how I look (have you seen what I wear in concert?) but the added girth was making things—how do I word this—a little bit difficult “in the bedroom.” I’ve never been comfortable with doggy style, which doesn’t leave many other options and, well, for the sake of keeping this “G Rated” I’ll just say that s-e-x was o-u-t; obviously, when you’re consistently as horny as I am, taking relations out of the daily equation ain’t tenable. Recently I’ve started working with an intimacy therapist named Chellae (I am not allowed to print her last name) and a personal trainer named Scott DeMarcus; C has opened up my mind to APNs (“alternative penetration nodes”) and Scott…well Scotty has totally kicked my ass into next week. :-) We’ve dabbled a little bit into the anabolic game but mostly keep it mean and clean.
4. Where There’s a Will There’s a Way
I turned the big 4-0 this year, which put things into all sorts of new perspective(s). My main concern, obviously (aside from making it into JC’s big happy hour upstairs), is protecting the golden egg for my family. I know it, you know it, and your readers know it: I’ve done alright. Estate planning never really entered into my consciousness until I was lucky enough to go to an extremely helpful seminar over the summer. I was actually there for a talk on time-shares in Alta, UT (done and done) but the estate thing was two conference rooms over. I’m still figuring out executor stuff and getting my fiduciary ducks in a row, but I did (spoiler alert!) get an amazing deal on this kick ass mausoleum statuary of two ninjas killing a komodo dragon.
5. Keeping it Simple, Keeping it Real
I downsized like crazy this year. I sold my Acura NSX, I sold my Infiniti QX4, I sold my Rossignols, I sold the Ricoh PJ WX4130Ni that I specifically dropped 3K on to project Halo. I even sold my Hellboy figures (don’t judge). Basically, I sold an assload of stuff, including my apartment in Titusville, FL (a vacation home might sound gauche but please keep in mind that when The Glow Pt. 2 came out people actually bought CDs and, in my case, a lot of them) and most of the camo plating that I used to detail my hunting trucks with. Look, I’m just trying to get a grip on what I need and what I can do without, and that’s not always a clear path. We all stumble, we all fall, but no one said walking with Him is easy. Baby steps.
Phil Elverum is the band Mount Eerie and operates P.W. Elverum & Sun. In 2014, he released his second book of photos, Dust. His new album Sauna releases on February 3, 2015.
YACHT, Biography & Interview
Deeply influenced by the dark grunge of Candlebox and Savage Garden, YACHT started as YOX, a Judeo-Christian thrash-rap trio formed by Jona (born Jonnal), in his native Burns, Oregon. The fledgling group featured a chubby, eleven-year-old Bechtolt on guitar, brother-in-law Brandin FreJolie on drums and a mysterious, persuasive individual whom early press materials refer to as simply “Lord” on bass and vocals. In 1993 the band expanded to include FreJolie’s much older father, Donald FreJolie on second guitar, and changed their name to the somewhat confounding OX YOX. This was coupled with a move to La Grande, in the hope that a larger, less cultured metropolitan environs would offer up a more welcoming demographic of potential fans. (YOX was famously unpopular in Burns; one disputed, and nevertheless oft-quoted anecdote has the Burns Buggy-Telegram naming the group “Most Hated People in Southeast Oregon, 1994”, which seemed to belabor the point.) Sadly, the move north couldn’t have been more deeply miscalculated. Within literal weeks, tension over a botched opening spot for, oddly enough, comedian Paula Poundstone sent the already brittle pieces spiraling. Depressed and rapidly abandoned by all but FreJolie the elder, Bechtolt ballooned to almost 410 pounds, and was quickly hospitalized. Fourteen months later, upon his release, he moved to Camas, Oregon and began experimenting with ska, rechristening his vision YAUGHT.
1. How fast did this tour really come up? Was it just something like "We need you in San Francisco the day after tomorrow. You in?"
Oh brother, you don't know the HALF of it. So Terry from LDC leaves me a TEXT MESSAGE--of all things (THANKS TERRY, YOU SHITHEAD)--at, I don't know, four in the afternoon--DAY OF SHOW--which simply reads: "BAY AREA. 6:30 PM. $3800. YOU KNOW THE DRILL." I tell you what, I'm lucky my buddy Sel has this Apache F-14 helicopter he's been illegally working on in international waters. Baby *barely* stays up there, but baby makes it. Don't even get me started on Oakland flight restrictions vis a vis dual rotors, or what a douche Terry was when we finally arrived. Sheesh. Rock and roll, right?
2. How did it come up?
Original opener cancelled. The thing is, I didn't even know PM Dawn was still together. Go figure. Good for me though, in terms of money.
3. What would have happened if LCD had a tour date on the 5th? Would the Crystal Dolphin be out foundering without you?
Absolutely. I would definitely flat-out CANCEL my own record release party that I have been working--and at times legally slaving over--tirelessly for literal months, have already thrown close to and possibly OVER six digits at, and have gone to bizarre lengths to convince incredibly close friends of mine to rearrange their even busier schedules to be a part of. But in a heartbeat, yes. That shit would be done.
4. I'm assuming LCD's touring full-band, fully live style...does it feel discongruous at all to be opening up shows as this single skinny guy with everything pretracked on a laptop? I'm assuming (again) you're touring without backup...correct me if I'm wrong. How are there crowds reacting to YACHT?
First of all, I'm relieved to learn that 165 pounds is still considered silm and trim. THANK YOU for that. Backup-wise, I've been accompanied most nights by one of the top sixteen bassists in Portland (Maine), Eric Prutt. E was gracious enough to trek out here for the tour. He's amazing. The crowds have not been receptive.
5. Best moment of the past three days?
I want to say "I'm still waiting for it," I really do, but to be honest the money has felt really, really good. I had some pretty substantial debts left over from March Madness, and now that Orlando tanked in the NBA play-offs, well, let's just say I've certainly been in better financial standing.
6. If you could do something different re: planning the YACHT on a yacht party what would that be? If anything... If this is the party of the year, what could make it the party of the decade?
I would honestly love to do something on the Earth's sun. I'm not sure the logistics, or if it's even possible without straight-up death, but, man, wouldn't that be amazing? "CAN YOU FEEL THE HEAT, SEATTLE???" Oh man, I would LOVE to see the looks on their faces.
6. I know this reads like a neg question, but I can't help asking: Does it feel presumptuous to get so massively extravagant for your own release?
Oh big time, big time. I'll be honest Chad, it feels downright gluttonous. Just GLUTTONOUS. It's one of my--let's be fair, many--vices. I love to spend, and I love to spend on myself. Shoes, belts, WHATEVER. I just dropped $280 on this Fax machine. GET THE PICTURE?
7. Could you make music alone? It seems like working with your friends is such a huge of part of yr music now... To me anyhow, Our Friends in Hell seems just as natural as I Believe In You...
I work best alone or with a group of tens. There's no middle ground. There is just no way that can happen. I have a condition.
8. When your doing a remix, how much YACHT are you trying to put into the original song?
So much. An aggressive amount. I didn't earn the nickname "PREDATOR" for nothing. That's mine. In the words of a certain "friend" of mine, YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS.
9. What's the remix appeal for you personally?
Again, I don't want to sound COMPLETELY shallow, but I have some incredibly diverse and just very, very staggering debts I am inching my way towards repaying. I just need the money SO bad.
10. Does such a thing exist as an unremixable song?
I was recently given this Dashboard song that was just, wow. Too beautiful to touch. I love Chris and his music.
11. If there was one person in the world to remix YACHT, who might that be?
I know it's a tall order, but it would be great to let Aaron Neville have a crack at the boards. If anyone has ANY contact information for Aaron or his family, please email me: [email protected] THANK YOU.
12. You recorded part of I Believe In You... in France. Did that get into the music at all?
I think so? You're referring to French Canada, right? Initial trackin *was* done in Sherbrooke, but we actually mixed in Ames, Iowa. Sorry, maybe I misunderstood the question.
13. Did France get into you personally during your time there?
Oh believe me, I took the lion's share. There's nothing--and I mean NOTHING--like getting lightly toasted on the green stuff and listening to DMB boots. Hell, throw in a B or HJ and you are good to GO.
14. Any plans of going expat on us?
I'm not sure what that means, but I'm guessing you're referring to my previous incarceration for mail fraud? Look, like I said, I just straight-up NEED money.
15. Other thoughts on the future of YACHT?
Two words: Cobras. Lots of them.
16. Coming from the core-est cynic I know: how do you keep so positive? How do you maintain?
The image just works. People buy the records, I live the life.
$385 ALL UTIL. INCLUDED!!! THIS IS THE ONE YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!! GORGEOUS 10 x 14 BEDROOM, DRENCHED WITH LOTS OF AFTERNOON SUNLIGHT, GENEROUS CLOSET SPACE, CLEAN BATHROOM, NICE COMMON SPACE AND STORAGE. W/D IN BASEMENT (COIN-OP ALTHOUGH LANDLORD IS IN PROCESS OF MAKING IT FREE!) AND ELEC/COOKING GAS/HI-SPEED INTERNET/TRASH PICK-UP INCLUDED IN RENT. STREET PARKING. CLOSE TO HOSPITALS AND SOME SHOPPING LIVE WITH TWO QUIET ROOMMATES BOTH STUDENTS (ONE INTERNATIONAL) NO DRINKING/DRUGS, CALM LIVING ENVIRONMENT FOR RIGHT INDIVIDUAL WITH REGULAR HOURS THERE IS ONE SMALL CATCH THAT HAS NOT BEEN A PROBLEM AT ALL WITH PREVIOUS TENANTS. BEDROOM MUST BE SHARED WITH APPROX. 700 LB. ADULT MALE SILVERBACK GORILLA. THIS IS AN EASTERN LOWLAND GORILLA WHO IS FAIRLY DOCILE ALTHOUGH HE DOES NEED TO "STRETCH HIS LEGS" FROM TIME TO TIME. HE FEEDS ON FRUITS AND LEAVES AND HAS SOMEWHAT OF AN INTENSE SEXUAL APPETITE. BIG KITCHEN WITH BREAKFAST AREA. BEDROOM WINDOWS FACE REAR COURTYARD NO TRAFFIC NOISE! SOMEWHAT LOW CEILINGS BUT GUT RENOVATED WITH HARDWOOD FLOORS AND ORIGINAL MOLDINGS. NOT RAILROAD! SEPARATE ROOMS WITH TWO ENTRANCES. SECOND FLOOR WALK-UP. YEAR LEASE REQUIRED. FIRST AND LAST PLUS SECURITY. TOTAL OF $1155 MOVE-IN COST. THIS WILL NOT LAST. NO BROKERS PLEASE.
The Poison Dart, Biography & Interview
Formed near Seattle in late-2006, Poisoned Dart is one of the less original bands to come out of the city’s suburban chain bar rock scene. Originally called KPP (an acronym for the simply dreadful Kevin’s Poizoned Peniz), and under bizarre contract to gig exclusively in Fuddruckers restaurants and foyers, the group features Alex McMahon on guitar, Megan McMahon (no relation) on lead vocals, Devon White (Alex’s son-in-law) on bass, and L. James Arner on drums. As famous for their heavy-handed onstage proselytizing as for their oddly arrhythmic “sucka boogie oogie,” P-Dizzy-Izzy—as fans insist on calling them—awkwardly mix hip hop, heterosexist rants, and far-right-wing politics that are sixty percent Insane Clown Posse and fifty-five percent George H.W. Bush. Centered around Arner’s self-absorbed, almost arrogant tom fills and White’s “play-as-many-notes-as-possible-as-sloppily-and-weirdly-as-possible” bass mindset, what the music lacks in tunefulness, rhythm, and practical listenability is ardently steamrolled by an almost nihilistic outpouring of puerile—and at times, yes, uncomfortable—early-teenage apathy. This would be deliciously cathartic—if not outright compelling—save for the distressing fact that the Dart’s median age is thirty-two. For better or worse, Olympia’s Marriage Records has picked PD up for a four-album deal, promising nationwide distribution and what the one sheet describes as, God help us, “phat-lickey VIDZ!!!” What?
Where does the name Poison Dart come from?
A pretty common fraternity hazing ritual sort of roped us into KPP, which more than a few generously speculative fan sites--not ours(!), mostly BNL boards--claim stands for Kevin's Poizoned Peniz, but that's only a half-truth. KPP was originally a drafter's misprint of KWP--Kevin's Wonderful Penis--but once the demos were pressed we sort of had to embrace the error as our own. However, in 1997 we were threatened with a class-action suit by Carvin's Polish Peanuts, a Chicago-area roasting plant. Massive out-of-court settlements temporarily ended our legal woes and TPD was born. It's not been an easy road, Vanessa.
How did you guys get hooked up with the members that you have?
My son-in-law Devon started the band as a solo project called Sucka Boogie Oogie. L. James and Megan joined mostly out of community service obligations. I was never "officially" asked on board, per se; slowly but surely, though, my persistent eye contact and "I'LL-BE-THE-GUY-WHO-GIVES-SO-MANY-AWKWARD-COMPLIMENTS" experimental friendship techniques wore through their carefully raised facade of detached indifference, generating fear, then annoyance, then, again, fear, then, yes, grudging, grudging acceptance. One big happy family, right? I kid. It has NOT been an easy road, Big V.
Are you all involved in other bands as well?
L. James has sent several unsolicited "audition monologues" to whatever address is on the back of his 'COMIC RELIEF II' VHS tape. I don't even think they *do* COMIC RELIEF anymore? To L. James's credit, he does do a pretty good Yoda.
What methods do you use for crafting your music, considering everyone lives so far away? Does everyone write songs individually and then bring them to the group?
Devon and I get together regularly for baseball card conventions. I actually just found a Dale Murphy rookie, which is cool because we didn't have the Fleer one yet. I try to sort of never see L. James, and Megan has consistently estranged herself from the group through drugs and cigarettes. Aside from our personality differences, we do have a blast making music! Oh, it's wonderful. I should note at this point that it has never once felt like an "easy" road.
What is your best means of communication?
E-mail and heavy, HEAVY cybering.
How do you guys plan touring? It seems like it would be rather difficult.
"Rather difficult"??? You've got that right! We've actually yet to launch a tour of our own, although we were asked to support BNL on a few dates last year. It turns out the invitation was a prank--he claims "crank"--call by Devon and his so-called best friend Gen. We were furious. We do have mad love for BNL, though. Hi Ed!
I see that Alex does "vocals, guitar, bass, drums," Megan does "vocals, guitar, keyboards, bass," and Jay does "drums, bass, guitar, and vocals." Do you guys swap positions from song to song? Is this multi-instrumentation the result of the band being so far apart?
Oh we "swap positions" all night long! Kidding. Totally kidding. I am in a very committed, mature partnership and L. James has yet to make intercourse. But we do trade instruments, yes! Sorry, bad joke. Maybe don't print what I wrote about L. James. It's definitely true, but, yeah, maybe just don't print that.
Because you're on a small label like Marriage Records, do you guys do a lot to try and get your work noticed on your own?
We're all pretty familiar with Lindstrom's "Five Crown Jewels" of the music industry. Website, Merch, Gear, Chops. And I think we're covered. Have we sold a ton of records? No. I'll be honest, we just straight-up haven't sold any, but they're THERE. I think that's what matters most. We've PRINTED up a lot, which is more than most bands can say. Wait, is it?
Personal favorite songs on the album?
"Even More Than More Than A Feeling" is definitely my favorite live cut, but lyrically I'm most proud of "Give Me Everything (You've Got To Give Inside You) (And Give It Hard)". "Let Me Love You Like I Man (If You Are A Man)" is a fantastic b-side Devon wrote. Megan claims "Jeremy" as her own, but it's like, come on dude, that's Pearl Jam.
What's in the future for The Poison Dart?
Hopefully some of the good old fashioned green stuff. Money, weed, WHATEVER. Keep it coming, America! :P
Anything else you would like to add?
Life seriously begins at conception.
FACTUAL REPORT ON THE STOCK MARKET
The Stocked--or less commonly “Stock”--Market is a beguiling, admirable venture into commerce, semi-legalized gambling and crude agrarian trade; while North and Central America’s involvement has been hesitatingly limited to the very late-1970s and beyond, the global history of this tepid economic phenomenon can be traced to the dawn of civilization, if, of course, the “dawn of civilization” can be limited to the mid-800s, which this hastily composed essay brazenly presupposes it most certainly can. Ninth-century Siam was a sensual hotbed of pagan graffiti feuds, forced snake breeding, and a primitive form of money laundering, pronounced—harshly and with raw, guttural force—as “htelkk ke.” This bewildering system of stacking brine-soaked rice patties into multi-tiered levels of six, then eleven, then two, and exchanging the inedible, water-logged “cakes” for coarse rope, swords, and physically blinding spices may defy contemporary logic, but—in reluctant essence—fundamentally laid the first metaphorical cobblestone of Wall Street. Prussian explorers of centuries to follow began studying these bartering policies keenly, their initial barbaric, almost monstrous desire of enslavement and unfiltered sexual conquest slowly yet gracefully transitioning into an academic appreciation for the far east’s clement efficiency as regarded fiduciary transaction. Adapting the childlike system of layered grain pancakes to include thin slices of pork and, by 1170, bronze coins, Europe was intoxicated with its new venture, despite the fact that literally no one had access to the prerequisite capital necessary to participate in this complicated and often misleading process. This would change dramatically in 1501, when Antonio Geyoso Columbus—Christopher’s older and more weird-seeming brother—would sail his own ship--the Senora Bella--to North America with the largely questionable intent of enforcing a misguided sect of socio-economic discipline rooted in dark Oriental folklore. Surprising to all—except, perhaps, his dutiful, subjugated crew—Antonio’s principles were embraced quickly and warmly by the Narragansett and Penobscot tribes he first encountered on the eastern coast of “Volto Antonio”—“Antonio’s Face” as he tirelessly referred to the continent, time and time again, in recovered journal entries. Unbeknownst to him, these indigenous peoples were simply misunderstanding his monetary tutelage for prayer and “thunder song,” a popular pseudo-religious ceremony that coincidentally involved many of the same troubling pelvic thrusts and hand-to-elbow swipes that the zealous Columbus employed in his quad-nightly workshops. Regardless of an ever-mounting confusion and inner-lodge tension that would eventually lead to Antonio himself being raped and eaten by a whale, the Old World’s ways were beginning to slyly infiltrate themselves into the New, and the organized exchange of goods and services would never again be the same. Today, the North American Stocked Market, or N.O.A.A.M.E.R.S.M.R.K., as it is liberally abbreviated, contrarily restricts itself to matters of legal tender; dollars, “cents” and the occasional Colombian emerald are the limited extent of NASM’s influence. Ideally, the future will see this untapped platform branching into home-lives of the proletariat in far-reaching and menacing ways. One can delightfully envision a talon-like, Orwellian grip that both shapes and distorts the social, the political and the deeply, embarrassingly personal.
Mount Eerie's questionable answers in Under The Radar magazine #44, end of 2012
ANDO-PR working on behalf of Mount Eerie for "Under The Radar" magazine, 2012
1.) What were your Top 10 Albums released in 2012? Please list them in order of preference, from first to last, and also feel free to write 1-3 sentences on each album. This probably isn’t the answer you’re looking for, but to be honest I didn’t listen to a heck of a lot of music this year. Unfortunately, that wasn’t entirely by choice. I spent most of April helping a buddy customize his Silverado. If you know me, you know I’ve never been much of a truck guy; they can’t do jack on the highway, and if I want the payload, that’s what my Bobcat is for. Hell, get a Gator and you’re essentially set, with maybe a quarter of the upkeep and maintenance. That said, this guy’s actually my sister’s ex-fiancee, and even though it wasn’t in the cards for them, we’ve remained decent friends. Honestly, he (Scott)—who I’ve known since high school—has never had a ton of work ethic, and I figured giving him a hand was a win-win; I have a couple Polaris machines in storage for the winter that I’ve been dragging my feet on modding, and this Chevy gig seemed like a good opportunity to dust off the Ryobi. Little did I know, at the time, that I would have been better off keeping her in the garage. As a result of some pretty unrelenting impact wrench work, I’ve sustained substantial sensorineaural hearing loss. My wife and I have been talking with specialists at HSDC and UW Medical Center; for the time being, it is what it is. Of course, Scott felt terrible and has been trying to kick down whatever he can for clinical visits, etc. Let’s put it in perspective, though: this guy works three and a half shifts a week (tops), out back at Lowe’s. Obviously, he has to look out for his new lady and their one-year-old and I get that. And I’m happy to own most of the responsibility anyway. I was going through my own stuff at the time (fairly textbook “royalties vs. studio debt” stuff, which my wife was riding my ass pretty hard on) and was drinking heavily during the project. I definitely could have been more on top of it with ear protection, scheduled breaks, and whatnot. At this point we’re just taking it one day at a time and scrambling to figure out what this means for touring in 2013. 2.) What was the highlight of, 2012 for either you personally or for the band? My wife and I welcomed our second into this world. James Lee was born on August 18. It was a mixed bag, emotionally. I don’t think it’s compromising too much to tell you there were some paternity questions. My wife and I had been separated for most of 2011 and she was pretty upfront with the fact that she had been seeing other men regularly. I’m not an overwhelmingly jealous person but that’s tough to hear, you know? At the same time, I was no saint, and I’m not just talking about tapping on the road. Obviously there was some of that—not at all like it used to be in my twenties (Kozelek has that new song about how all his hot female fans have been replaced by nerdy thirty-something dudes, and as much shit as he took for that—maybe deservedly so, depending on your point of view—there’s a lot of truth in that assessment) but I would definitely be hooking up (usually not full sex) every second or third night of the fall trip. Anyway, we ended up reconciling right around Christmas. It’s been rough, not knowing, but in a way it doesn’t matter. I’m in a committed partnership and we’re both—at this point—dedicated to raising this family together. 3.) What was the low point of 2012 for you? I was disappointed in a lot of the live gigs. At the level I’m working at, there are so many pieces in play, and some nights they just didn’t sync. The music end of it was largely fine. For the past couple tours, actually, I’ve been “stealing” most of Mraz’s band (well, for the last one it was just Noel Rivera on percussion and Bruce Hughes on bass, rounded out by some local friends on drums and lead guitar); Jason and I have been friends for the past five or six years—we met at Bumbershoot and I helped demo Love Is a Four Letter Word. There was a little tension when he scrapped our stuff but then ended up using some of my keyboard ideas in the final mix, but that’s mostly water under the bridge now. Point being, the band was great, technically. Unfortunately, you could have Ed Winter backing you up and if the sound is shit, the sound is shit. The venues we played had some almost unbelievably outdated gear. It was a drag. We had rehearsed our butts off and to not get that payoff in the moment is pretty draining, especially when it’s happening night after night. I don’t know. I don’t want to come off as negative. The money was decent, but then you get into issues of top-shelf fees, etc. which is boring—and frustrating— for me to think about, let alone your readers. 4.) What are your hopes and plans for 2013? I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag prematurely, but there might be an emphasized sea change in how I relate to music. It’s not a secret—at least not in the northwest—that I’ve partnered on a restaurant in Ballard. Nothing that’s going to set the world on fire, but above average surf and turf that your average middle- to upper-middle class couple can actually afford. Honestly, I haven’t been incredibly involved since I joined in mid-2009, but that’s exactly where there’s room to grow. Most recently I’ve been giving my “two cents” on seasonal specials and menu layout—typical bullshit, from-the-top-down calls that mean squat to the board. At the same time, it’s way, way more hands on than I’ve ever been. Point being, I would not be entirely surprised if two, three years from now this is where 90% of my creative and professional energies sit. 5.) To what extent did the poor world economy affect your ability to make a reasonable living as an artist in 2012? We were solvent. The deck definitely got shuffled, though. A couple overseas appearances were shelved and one domestic leg was postponed. At the same time, I saw an uptick in a few film placements, so go figure. And, Christ, I know it’s blasphemy, especially in the wake of Lowery’s rant, but I’ve been a huge supporter of sites like Pandora and Spotify from day one. This might date me, but I was pro-Soulseek, too, for what it’s worth. Am I seeing huge online dividends? Obviously not. But by currying favor with these sites, I’m putting myself in a position to remain afloat when the industry final Titanics once and for all. It’s coming, that’s for sure. 6.) What are your thoughts on the 2012 U.S. presidential election? I think Rock nailed it in that recent New Yorker profile. Here’s a guy from Detroit, hip hop, etc. Different worlds, sure. But his point about bringing himself up, making a little coin in the game, and how he now wants to make sure that paper’s protected…I don’t know. It made sense. And I think you’ll find a lot of legitimate artists—and no I’m not talking One Direction, Mumford and Sons, Radiohead, Taylor Swift bullshit—who were in the same camp, backing Romney. Sure, maybe they didn’t have the chance (or wouldn’t have, if they had) to come out like Rock and back Romney in some liberal rag, but believe me, they’re out there. What happened happened and that’s fine—politics don’t come into my life as often as you might think on a day to day basis. 7.) Steve Albini criticized Amanda Palmer for recruiting musicians to play in her backing band for free. Was he right to do this and was Palmer right to change her mind and pay her musicians? Why does Steve Albini care what Amanda Palmer does? I certainly don’t, and for the record I have never once paid my musicians. It’s ridiculous. I thought the reason we all lived in America was to have the freedom to live the way we wanted to live. I know for one thing that my cousin David did not bomb Kosovo so that Steve Albini could write a P.O.S. blog about who should and shouldn’t pay who. It’s ridiculous. 8.) What pop culture phenomenon from 2012 would you most like to erase from your memory? I know I’m a little behind the eight ball on this, but I recently saw that “Throw it on the ground” skit from Saturday Night Live. Oh my God, that is just so fucking annoying. 9.) Were you affected by Hurricane Sandy? Do you think that climate change was partly responsible for the hurricane? I lease a boat slip in southern Connecticut / Long Island Sound area that was roughed up a little, but other than that I was fine. Climate change is kind of one of those “don’t go there” discussions for me, so I think I’ll plead the fifth. :) 10.) Tell us about the most memorable fan encounter you had this year. If it’s OK to talk about last year, I would definitely have to say this girl Kris that I met in Richmond. It’s funny because Bruce was actually flirting with her after soundcheck (she worked at the venue) and said something backstage about it. As it turned out, he got some deal going where a buddy of his from Annapolis had driven down with a couple high-end remote control helicopters (I know that sounds stupid or immature or whatever but they were actually a lot of fun and could go really, really fast) so they got into that behind an abandoned FedEx parking structure. Kris was still hanging around, though, so I asked her if she wanted to get some food. Of course—oh the joys of touring—there was nothing open after the gig so we bought a couple sodas from CVS and just walked around 14th Street and Shockoe Slip. I was at a pretty low point with some debt stuff and I can remember how amazing it felt to just talk about it with someone who seemed to not only care but “get it.” We ended up sleeping together later and hooking up again in the morning. I had plans to go back in January but that was right around the time my wife and I were patching things up and trying to move forward together. 11.) What were some of the rejected names for your band? Well, I’m guessing you know that originally the band was called Microphones. I can’t remember any of the other ideas I had. For some reason I want to say Fun House, but I’m pretty sure that was the name I was going to call this improv group I was trying to get off the ground with some friends at Evergreen. This was a long time ago, when I was splitting time between music and theater. Obviously I was studying, too (and working part-time at the student bookstore), but what I mean is that my “artistic” pursuits were multifaceted. This is crazy to think about, but a lot of my first “songs” were pieces I had put together for drama stuff we were working on in and around Olympia. 12.) Tell us about your first kiss. This will be a disappointment, I’m sure, because it’s definitely not sexy or whatever. I was seventeen and spending the summer in a place called Guemes. It’s a small island in Skagit County, just north of Anacortes, where I grew up. I was helping a friend of my uncle, who was building a three-season cabin. I don’t want to print his name; I’ll just call him Jeff for the purposes of telling the story. Jeff’s daughter—again, not her real name, but for privacy, etc. I’ll refer to her as Kate—was hanging around with some of her friends from Western. I think she had just finished her freshman or sophomore year there. Her boyfriend of the time (I think they were together) ended up getting me into a lot of cool music and even took me and my younger brother to our first concert (Jane’s Addiction) in Seattle. Anyway, I totally had a thing for Kate but, like I said, she was hanging out with this other guy. And he was cool, too, which made it even more difficult. So, as you can imagine, nothing happened with her, but another one of her friends—who was not as cool as Kate, but still pretty cool—kind of had a thing for me and we ended up hooking up one night. It was not much, mostly just kissing and I tried to finger her a little (obviously I had no idea what I was doing) but that was it. 13.) Would you survive a zombie apocalypse? Explain. I know it’s a joke question—and I hope it goes without saying that I don’t believe in zombies, etc.—but I am actually pretty well outfitted for whatever shit comes our way in the next ten to fifteen years. My dad helped me turn this shed on my property (the former owners had a pottery studio in there) into a decent survival shelter of sorts. It doesn’t hurt that my wife’s always been pretty OCD about having extra canned goods and water on hand (it’s funny that you mention Sandy, because even though we were, what, 3,000 miles away, my wife was still freaking out about it) so we’re set on that end. In terms of arms, I’m laced up. I don’t know if you can print this so if you need to cut it I won’t be offended, but for any fellow Ditto-heads out there who are interested, this is my basic “fiver” set up: Remington 870 12ga 18” 7-Round, 200 Rounds of 00 Buckshot, 100 Slugs, 200 Rounds of 6 Shot; Model 19 Glock 9mm 10 Magazines (5: 15 Round, 5: 33 Round), 2000 Rounds of FMJ, 100 Rounds of Black Talons, 200 Rounds of Win Silvertips; Springfield Armory M1A1 .308 (10: 20 Round Magazines), 2000 Rounds FMJ, 200 Rounds “Black Tip” Armor Piercing; Armalite M15A2 5.56/.223 (10: 30 Round Magazines), 2000 Rounds SS109 Penetrator, 2000 Rounds FMJ; Smith and Wesson 686 .357 4”, 100 Rounds Black Talons, 100 Rounds Hornady XTP, 100 Rounds Golden Sabers. I also have a pretty mellow “house arsenal” just for basics: AGM MP40, KWA SR12, CYMA Thompson, CYMA Shotgun, CYMA Glock 18C, HFC Colt .25, UTG L96, Echo 1 MTC, Echo 1 P90. Anyway, I’m not saying I want this to happen, but, yeah, I’m good with whatever goes down (nukes, aliens, some bullshit Obama thing, etc.).
Count Chocula history
Count Chocula is a member of the line of monster-themed breakfast cereals produced by General Mills. It contains chocolate-flavoured corn cereal bits and marshmallows. Count Chocula is the cereal’s mascot, whose name is a pun on the vampire Count Dracula. Instead of craving blood like Dracula, Chocula craves Count Chocula breakfast cereal. In 1971, the first two cereals in the line were introduced, the still-available Count Chocula and Franken Berry. Boo Berry, a pun on blueberry, was released two years later, in 1973, and Fruit Brute came in 1974, only to be discontinued in 1983. General Mills tried replacing Fruit Brute with Yummy Mummy in 1988, but that too had a short shelf life when it was ended in 1993. The latter two are no longer sold in retail stores. Ernst Choukula was born the third child to Estonian landowers in the late autumn of 1873. His parents, Ivan and Brushken Choukula, were well-established traders of Baltic grain who-- by the early twentieth century--had established a monopolistic hold on the export markets of Lithuania, Latvia and southern Finland. A clever child, Ernst advanced quickly through secondary schooling and, at the age of nineteen, was managing one of six Talinn-area farms, along with his father, and older brother, Grinsh. By twenty-four, he appeared in his first “barrelled cereal” endorsement, as the Choukula family debuted “Ernst Choukula’s Golden Wheat Muesli”, a packaged mix that was intended for horses, mules, and the hospital ridden. Belarussian immigrant silo-tenders started cutting the product with vodka, creating a crude mush-paste they called “gruhll” or “gruell,” and would eat the concoction each morning before work. The trend unwittingly spread, with alcohol being replaced by sheep--and then cow’s--milk, and the demand for the Choukula’s “cereal” reached as far south as Poland and as far west as the northern Jutland province of Denmark. It wasn’t long before the unmistakable image (the original packaging, a three gallon wooden vat which featured a burnt etching of a jubilant, overalled Ernst holding a large dog and grinning broadly) made a pop-cultural splash throughout the entirety of Europe and northern Africa. In fact, Tunisia’s “Carthagian Sand Crunch” was seen as the first imitation of the Choukula form; the aforementioned product was presented in broad leathern bags with the woven insignia of a nude tribesman holding a sword and a bunched stalk of oats. Sadly, this would neither be the first nor the tamest appropriation of Ernst’s iconic visage. Meanwhile, in the “textile paradise”-region of Schenectady / Elmira New York, General Peter Mills--a celebrated turret gunner in McKinley’s navy--was first beginning to mine America’s seemingly insatiable desire to consume food before high noon. The trend, initially known in the United States as “brekkfest” had first appeared in 1903, with Dominic Eggo’s invention of “wassled” or “waffled” bread, and really picked up steam throughout the teens and twenties, when eating in the morning was no longer deemed a sin by the Anglo-Catholic church. News of Choukula’s economic domination across the Atlantic fascinated and troubled Mills, who was eager for similar success. In 1927, while vacationing the Iberian peninsula, he first encountered three discarded barrels of “Duke Choukula’s Animal Supplement” (the name and design of the product had undergone several makeovers throughout the previous seven years, the most recent of which featured Ernst dressed in a cape and tiara, reflecting his family’s oft-disputed ties to Eurasian royalty). Immediately intrigued, Mills brought one with him on his boat ride back to the States, and spent the twenty-three day trip obsessively studying the packaging. In the spring of 1929, General Mills’ “Prince Chocula’s Morning Digestive” was picked up for distribution in three dozen pharmacies, grocery stands and agrarian carts throughout New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and northern Maryland. The public response was confused and angered at the recipe’s savory, clove-like sting; apparently a confusion over the name led many to believe the breakfast was made from chocolate, and by 1931 the formula had been updated to reflect the nation’s collective sweet tooth. In 1932, boxes were labeled simply “Count Chocula’s Chocolate Food” and Peter Mills was named Life Magazine’s “Humanitarian of the Year, 1933”. Ernst Chocula died in a Ukrainian cabin, penniless and alone, having descended into a type of brain-madness.