Andy

He/Him/His ✶ 18 ✶ Autistic ™

[ordr]

Thanks for sexualizing peoples trauma fuckhead

anytime

[local-lesbian-tree-demon]

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

[asundergrowth]

[nyxiemeow]

[windoftime]

[batsandboba]

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

[do-not-u-dare]

”Explain yourself” followed by “stop making excuses” has always baffled me because the fuck you think explaining myself is????

[andyspicable]

fast food chain restaurant restrooms give me such an intense rush of existential dread at every time of day, under any circumstances

[grootficguy]

i tried explaining to this girl at a party once how i could be gay and asexual at the same time and it basically boils down to never being into anyone but like once a year i’ll find a man attractive. and she was like “so what am i if i only like girls, and i’ve never found any of my boyfriends attractive and and i just wanna do cocaine all the time?” i was like “you’re a lesbian with a coke addiction?” and she was like “woooooah”. she broke up with her boyfriend that night and had a threesome with two girls in the bathtub. rebecca if you’re out there, i hope you’re going places. well, not far, since you’re electronically tagged. but spiritually.

[gumy-shark]

oh, no, you misunderstand me. those were my monkeys. yeah the circus and i have since parted ways. yeah it was the elephant thing, i dont really want to address that right now though

[dragon-in-a-fez]

knowing that the past tense of "hang" is "hanged" when it's a method of execution can be very entertaining because you'll be watching a horror movie and someone goes "local legend says a woman was hung in these woods" and you're like "👀 good for her I guess"

[yellow-cat]

actually hate that the bodys response to anything is nausea. ate too much? nauseous. ate too little? nauseous. an imaginary threat got you scared? be nauseous. on your period? you guessed it. sawed into your hand and need to go to the emergency room? perhaps throwing up into your open wound will be of help

[grasswyrm]

Been getting really into orange juice lately

[grasswyrm]

#myjuice

[emnesoi0]

kids' candy ads: this candy tastes good and you'll like it

adult candy ads: you are a dirty, filthy sinner who's going to hell for your indulgences. but god, don't you want it ? don't you feel the call of the void ? don't you finally want to finally fucking feel something in the middle of your stupid, pathetic, miserable life ? yes, you feel satan's hooks pulling at your flesh. you can't hold on any longer. give in and enjoy a $17 bar of chocolate with 98% cacao

[color-ns]

Might as well commit murder it’s too late for me and my stupid, pathetic and miserable life.

[bombing]

girlfriend: why don’t you take off that battle armor and slip into something a bit more…..comfortable

me: i am most comfortable when i am impervious to most physical forms of attack

[uhhhhmanda]

Just came home from a dinner party with the friendgroup at which several people kept saying "Ask Pedro" or "Pedro will know" and I was terrified that they were referring to an AI like Claude but no, thank fuck, they were referring to a cardboard cutout of Pedro Pascal that someone left upstairs and who has been designated a kind of patron saint status in the household.

[toskarin]

do you think that it is harmful to spread misinformation as an April Fool's joke?

I think everyone should lie all of the time. I think we should live inside of a dream indistinguishable from reality

[infectiouspiss]

can we kill the idea that yawning=bored because there's a million reasons to be yawning and being condescendingly asked "oh im sorry are we boring you?" because of something you can't control is really rude.

you're not boring me this is a side effect of my medication but thank you for deciding that my yawns are some sort of insult toward you and going on the offensive i loved it 👍

[luxiomahariel]