GUNNHILDR she carried far too much 'pon her capable shoulders . were she to simply usher command no were she but to ask her fellow knights would help her carry the load . where had such admirable traits been learned spindrift knight wondered . from grand master varka ? surely not . vanessa ? possibly . her mother ? most likely . while little could be recalled of frederica gunnhildr what could be remembered were good things ( noble things ) knightly things . all of which her daughter no doubt had learned as eula had learned to emulate her family .
so different & yet no , no that was not important : not now as she continued to search tired eyes . notice of warmth was not taken : although she would not let how they shifted , no doubt to look for escape . one would not be found . “ yes , gunnhildr , unforgivable . how can you help people when you can barely keep your eyes open ? ”
roll of eyes while she speaks of valuing others support , were that true they would not be here . captain would not have found her slumped over books & papers . utilizing them as makeshift pillow . she would have been resting while another took up her post .
none would go to extremes to ensure she was afforded time off to rest . they would not worry , & yet they all did . “ you can help ! but you need not try to do it all alone . honestly , do you think any knight in your ranks would not rush to the aid of the acting grand master . i have found citizens who wish to join if only to stand by your side , but how can they if you are confined to a bed because you are unwell ? ”
breath catches & that infernal organ in her chest beats faster 'pon reveal of soft smile . how dare she ! “ i am not finished ! move over ! ” captain does not wait for gunnhildr to comply before climbing on to the bed next to her , resting against the pillows she pats the place next to her . arms open & motioning for other to join . she would pull her in should she have too , “ get over here before i make you , gunnhildr . ”
Unforgivable . It strikes a dissonance so deeply within her , settles unease like a knot in chest nearly sinking into belly . Eula is sincere in words , that much is clear , but they are not intended to hurt . Perhaps that is why , even after managing the smile when their eyes met , she falters again as gaze trails towards the floor .
How could she keep those she cares for safe if she cannot keep herself safe ? The answer is obvious . She couldn’t . And yet , pushing herself to such a state , doing all she could to ensure such security and happiness came to fruition ... at times , it felt like the only thing that could be done to make others proud . To live up to what is expected .
You’re right . It’s what she had intended to say , but the scoot of her form as Eula wiggles in leaves Jean fumbling over words and feelings . “ Move over ? “ It’s all that can escape as pillows are fluffed behind Eula’s head , lips parting once more in stupefied stare . Truly , it happened so quickly , every second seemed to be an hour of increasing bewilderment . Eula , demanding not only shared bed , but an embrace tightly within arms , nestled underneath blankets ... the warmth of another , when everything already feels as if it is burning ...
She prepares to question , find excuses . Anything to avoid being so close , when the inches separating them seemed agonizingly conflicting enough ... A pout presents itself , childish : no doubt , Eula would view such unfavorably , ridiculous when captain only wanted what would be best for friend .
That’s it , isn’t it ? Jean wants Eula to be proud of her , too : to be impressed , viewed as something more to Lawrence than the precedence Gunnhildrs before had set .
“ ... Fine . “ At last , she allows herself to lay flat against mattress , curling onto side to face knight before her . She fears growing too close , fears that horrid sound of her heart against ribcage will raise more questions , more than Jean yet knew the answers to . And yet , that part of her , beating and fluttering , longs to be closer , to scoot in before the nerves within can deter her once more .
“ I do appreciate everyone . It’s not that I think they wouldn’t be happy to help . It’s that I ... want them to know they can trust me . That I want to do more than paperwork behind a desk all day , to make sure it’s carried through in part by my own hands . “ Hues meet once more , and for once , it feels enough has been lifted to share the truth . “ Maybe it is me being irrational . Really , I know it is . But ... “ Hands curl underneath her cheek , voice falling to a whisper between the two . “ I’ve been the Dandelion Knight since I was fifteen . I’d long dreamed of gaining that respect , not for myself ... but to feel I deserved the honor . To live up to the standards Vennessa would have hoped for . Maybe ... a part of me feels I’m still working to become worthy enough . “
prguitarman
kianamaiart
2087
gummygunk
baratheonpilled
titsay
turnnoffyourmind
