Hey It's Koda

hey I’m Dakota I’m pan/poly and genderfluid

[angelics-things]

I stole my card from my cousins wallet it was my debit card, and I felt bad enough my uncle got onto me.

[angelics-things]

I feel like I’m drowning..

The more I think the more the unsettling

Words wrack into my brain

I shut myself off from reality

I feel like I’m drowning

[angelics-things]

I have Wattpad

It’s @kailoveshugstoo

I write stories on it

[angelics-things]

You know that feeling you’re gonna try and smile but for what it’s worth it’s hard? Because if you try and force it tears will come down your pale white cheeks you won’t have anything to smile about anymore.

When I was growing up my parents fought non-stop, I watched my parents drink alcohol and do you know how upsetting it is finding your dad passed out on the kitchen floor watching him throw his life away?.. I grew up taught no matter what happens you gotta fight for your happiness. While I was a kid my mom would go from guy to guy no problem but watching.. your mom get dumped because she wanted to be a dumbass is really hard.. you wanna know why my mom and dad kept getting back with my mom? Well it’s because my dad did it for me and my siblings he did it so he can see us. from the beginning it was my dad.. when my dad would pack a bag and walk out on us, I didn’t know when I was gonna see him again it hurt me, watching your only father leave after fighting with your mother one time I had to chase after him in the snow.. that’s the time needed him hearing my voice scream for him. God damn it I was a kid! Family is supposed to stick together...

After a couple of years I grown to the thought of seeing them both together happy, laughing smiling like we would do, the saddest thing is when we would move from place to place new house new school my mom and dad would take me to school and finally they would try and put me in a room with like 30 kids and I’d have a panic attack because I wasn’t used to it but when they put me in a classroom with only five kids I was calmer but once my parents would leave they would close the door and I would scream at the top of my lungs saying “I want mommy I want dad!! I wanna go home!” I calmed down once the teachers took me over to the table to color, they’d ask me what I prefer to be called either “Angela” or “angel” I’d always say angela. They would tell me to draw something that I really love my favorite color was purple.

When I look back on everything I never had friends growing up, I never had birthday parties that involved friends. During my sixth grade year I invited seven people to my 13th birthday party and when everyone rejected me I came home and I cried.. no one liked me I had one person who said they were gonna come and they never came I was heartbroken the presents made it better I guess. But it wasn’t about the presents it was about me having people who wouldn’t come.. my mom took my childhood away from me because of her I never had friends I never did anything a Normal kid would do I shut myself out I played toys by myself I watched YouTube by myself I picked flowers by myself.. I grew up not knowing what friends were supposed to do..

My 8th grade year some people were bullying me, I wore my dad’s jacket to school I got to my class I had hand sanitizer.. clipped to my bag.. they put it all over my hoodie I walked out of the classroom crying because no one cared that this was my dad’s jacket my favorite jacket of his it was a comfort jacket to me.. it’s gone.. I sat alone every day because no one not a single person liked me.. I was hurting and no one knew you think I’m kidding wait for this one day I sat with this girl and she called me four eyes because of my glasses and I got up and went to the bathroom and cried.. I came home every day and was calm but not happy I had no friends.

During my 9th grade I finally got some friends I got confused at a lot of things I laughed more I smiled more I was myself for the most part. Friends having them is one of the things that almost makes my mood change.

I was that kid no one liked I was the kid everyone called weird I was the kid that was called shy, anxious I WAS the kid that walks behind a group of friends who is left out in everything, I’m at kid who likes anime, kids shows, I am that kid who gives their all when something happens, I’m a person with feelings. I’m used to being hurt, I’m used to helping others, I’m that person who is used to not being invited to birthday parties I’m that person who is used to seeing everyone smile and do their best, I’m that person who’s seen hell and came back from the dead, I’m that person who sees everyone make plans and plan birthday parties I’m used to seeing myself as someone who is left behind.. it hurts to know that when someone makes plans and your not able to come because you can’t think of any reason you should.. I grew up knowing I’m different I grew up bullied, I grew up confused and hurt, I’m the person who gets less when their siblings get more, I’m used to hearing my siblings going somewhere with my mom and then her saying she can’t take me.. I’m used to it all no one understands me when I say I’m used to it..

“I’m fine, I’m used to it” - Dakota

[angelics-things]

I probably won't be able to post tomorrow judging by the fact my mom wants me over for Christmas

So any questions you have for me please put them down! 😊

[angelics-things]

I was confused on which one you wanted lol srry

@little-boats-on-a-lake

Explaining demiboy, demigirl, demiromantic, demisexual

Demiboy: A demiboy (also called a demiguy, demiman or demimale person) is a gender identity describing someone who partially, but not wholly, identifies as a man, boy or otherwise masculine, regardless of their assigned gender at birth. 

Demigirl: A gender identity term for someone who was assigned female at birth but does not fully identify with being a woman, socially or mentally.

Demiromantic: A Romantic attraction towards any of the above but only after forming a deep emotional bond with the person(s)

Demisexual: demisexual is a sexual orientation where people only experience sexual attraction to folks that they have close emotional connections with. In other words, demisexual people only experience sexual attraction after an emotional bond has formed.

[angelics-things]

Hey I have a question for everyone

Should I explain anymore sexualities? If so which ones?

Comment down below

[angelics-things]

Hey I'm not the best at writing

But I wanna say that this Christmas feels missing..

Like- I know it must be silly saying that but it could just be me

[angelics-things]

You are valid if you have never had sex.

You are valid if you have had sex.

You are valid if you want sex.

You are valid if you don’t want sex.

You are valid if you want a relationship.

You are valid if you don’t want a relationship.

You are valid if you are single.

You are valid if you are dating someone.

You are valid if you are dating more than one person.

You are valid if you are married.

You are valid if you want kids.

You are valid if you don’t want kids.

You are valid if you have kids.

You are valid if you don’t have kids.

You are valid if you have a disability.

You are valid if you don’t have a disability.

You are valid if you have been abused.

You are valid if you have been assaulted.

You are valid if you’ve been institutionalized.

You are valid if you are religious.

You are valid if you aren’t religious.

You are valid no matter your language.

You are valid no matter your nationality.

You are valid no matter your skin color.

You are valid if you are questioning your identity.

You are valid if you are cisgender.

You are valid if you are transgender.

You are valid if you are non-binary.

You are valid if you are agender.

You are valid if you are gender fluid.

You are valid.

Period.

[angelics-things]

Explaining what Aromatic is

a person who has no interest in or desire for romantic relationships.

[angelics-things]

Explaining what asexual means!

Someone who's asexual experiences little to no sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is about finding a specific person sexually appealing and wanting to have sex with them. However, everyone has a different experience with being asexual, and asexuality can mean different things to different people.

I won't be able to exactly tell my parents I'm ace yes ace is another word for asexual!!

*cough* I won't be able to explain what asexual is for me because my parents will not understand

[angelics-things]

Explaining they/them Pronouns because most people have no idea what it means to use "they/them" Pronouns for people who use them!

Why they/them you ask? It is normal in the English language to use they/them pronouns when we don't know the gender of the person to which we're referring, or if we want our sentence to be applicable to all genders.

Me as a person who uses they/them Pronouns I can tell you it makes me feel comfortable and happy!!

[angelics-things]

Explaining what genderfluid is:

Gender-fluid people are people whose gender changes over time. A gender-fluid person might identify as a woman one day and a man the next. They might also identify as agender, bigender, or another nonbinary identity. ... For many gender-fluid people, it's an internal shift they might not want to express outwardly.

Explaining what it feels like for me and others:

Some gender-fluid people feel that the changes in their identity are extreme, while others might feel that they're arbitrary. Their gender might change quickly — in a matter of hours — or slowly, over months or even years.

I am happy being me!

[angelics-things]

So I watched this movie today about this character named Ray

And he's transgender

The whole movie was about him getting his mom and his dad to sign these papers to get his transition! It made me happy although his dad wouldn't sign it at first he did in the end and I just couldn't stop smiling!

You are who you are and no one can take that away from you!

[angelics-things]

I wanna say something okay so I'm genderfluid and aromatic atm because I'm trying to figure out my attraction to whoever I like and I just wanted to say

Genderfluid lesbians exist

Lesbians who are genderfluid that use HE/HIM Pronouns exist!

Like my God it isn't anyone's business with what you identify or who you like! You should love yourself for who you are!

[angelics-things]

I feel like the world is going to shit

I can't tell my parents how I feel I can't tell my mom anything I have on my mind

I feel like my friends are the only ones who understand just how I feel... Is that normal?

I'm genderfluid and I wanna be a lesbian or something and I'm struggling with myself and depression & anxiety decides to kick my ass and not have me clean, have motivation to do school... Isn't okay that I have a mental health day? Nope of course not bc school is WAY more important then mental health right

[angelics-things]

Hey I wanna wish a merry Christmas! I hope everyone is having a good holiday!!