Rafaela

stupid - or is it slow?

[angelschant]

I can’t stop writing rhyming growing in fear i can’t stop begging inside lines of a melody I miss you I love you come back to me if you have some kindness in your heart show me mercy.

[angelschant]

you have tried and what for? but now you must stop I can’t live in a rabbit hole anymore it makes me feel poor and you never clean the bedroom it is dirty down there and you never ask me questions so I feel like you do not care and if I did it for love it was a mistake I can’t go down there I must stay away

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[angelschant]

My skin is nothing but a veil to the host of the person who loves me the most and it’s a heavy weight to carry like I have been holding the world and I need to let it go while time is mending my heart hurts late at night it aches for someone I can’t name and why doesn’t they reach out? I know there is something wrong because how come in my house I feel alone - do they even feel the same because I guess someday this pain will end but for now I just can’t stand loving someone so much it hurts and I am confused and I have been feeling drained lately and that’s how I know. Something is wrong. My life isn’t your show. There is something wrong, something just ain’t right, I don’t want to get out of bed, I want to stay inside and that’s how I know someone is trying to hack me and I guess all I can do now is pray they won’t succeed because it’s hard to try to find an enemy inside your skin it’s even harder when they refuse to leave but I’ll keep trying because I am doing if for me and you know I won’t be what you want me to be and my angel is in green just like a light and takes cares of me when it comes night and deep within my intuition tells me that someone inside is no good for me so it’s only a matter of time until I am free but if you don’t love me why don’t you stay away? Is it desperation, why are you so full of hate? Are you ashamed? Of showing your face? Because eventually truth comes to light, you won’t get away. My skin should be a home to those who love me and I know they would for sure provide me energy the ones who love me the most - not for an enemy I’ll once again ask you to leave because it hurts and this ain’t a garden for you to grow. You need to go. I should let you know - nothing you try to steal is yours to take. God never supports those who betray.

[laclefdescoeurs]

Nymphéas, 1907, Claude Monet

[sophie-poetry]

It's strange how someone can become such a habit. Even now, something happens and you're still the first person I want to tell. My fingers still reach for my phone before I remember there's no reason to. Some part of me still believes you'll call. That somehow, everything will go back to the way it was. Maybe that's what missing someone really is. Not crying every day. But carrying around all the words that were meant for them.

Mine.

[angelschant]

your freedom and your eyes expand my life when you are by my side out of choice instead of time

[remanence-of-love]

[angelschant]

Don’t ever settle for someone who projects narratives onto you and the relationship to delay inevitable failures and prevent others from seeing the truth as it is: you deserve to be loved from a place of honesty, care and actual choice - you deserve to be loved by someone who allows you to use your voice. By someone who isn’t trying to fill up a void. Don’t settle for the performance and the script - love is something that doesn’t come with it. It comes on how you are treated, known and seen. Those who love you truly will bring out the best in you. They won’t paint a picture on who you should be and what you should do. They won’t perform, nor project. They will act like they care. That’s something a narrative will never do - only truth.

[1five1two]

'The Light is Coming'. Michael Malm.

[thequotespot]

“trying again after losing hope is a kind of courage people don't talk about enough.”

[thoughtkick]

“An emotional wound requires the same priority attention as a physical wound.”

— Melba Colgrove, Harold H. Bloomfield & Peter Williams

[angelschant]

In my restaurant I only serve regrets I had compassion I had mercy I had true vulnerability I had connection but I have lost it in the red for signs that I misread and I guess that is my echo singing into my dying breath that if I liked myself a bit more I could have chose the best but I guess the best thing about you was how you made me want to be better while I was living my life like a cheap thrill fraudulent actor and I was so lost in the performance I could barely see that someone who inspires me to be better makes me the best person I could be and do I want to spend my life making excuses not to improve? Maybe someday I’ll be enough to take care of you.

[angelschant]

I hope someday you’ll know the truth that I’d do it all for you and I know it was hard for you to know because I have never told you all the things that I was willing to go through to give you a happy life and what is life worth living if you are not by my side so I guess the question is how can I go back in time to let you know I still wait for you to come back two years ago and it has been so cold. I guess I can’t know what comes next in our book because I am still there reading page 42 and the begging of last year was the best moment of my life since then I forgot how to be alive because that was the last time I saw you and in darkness how can I stay when your love was all I have ever knew and no matter how many material things they gave they were never you but if I am telling you the truth I miss how the world was last year before june. I still had hope. Hope that dreams come true.

[vexheart]

Sometimes the hardest road leads to the most beautiful destination.

[angelschant]

Fluorescent Lights

I have an idea. I miss the lamp. I miss that clarity, I miss our dance. This place is too hot, I miss electricity and it’s so hot I have no energy but I feel it pulling me like a string. Our fluorescent light days - our eternity. I don’t belong here I just know for sure. Misunderstanding. I miss you so much. What has led us here? To where I do not belong. If you can help me leave just call me on my phone. There is nothing here for me - forced to be alone. Nobody to talk too - no one is you. Nowhere to go. I miss you so much. Nothing to do for I don’t want to. I just want fluorescent lights. I could loose my mind. I don’t mind being blind. Want to go back in time. To the moment I have left. I am not angry I am just sad. At the time it felt right now I wish I had died. If you ever care please pull me back. Pull me back in into my reality. I don’t care for the lights and I don’t care for the peace. It’s where I should be. I must confess it. I miss the time we have spent together the best one of my life and everyone is telling me is too late to turn back time but if I could how I regret leaving you behind and leaving you there you have no idea how hard it has been not to feel seen and how hard it has been not to have you with me because you have taught me about love and about feeling safe and I thought that maybe I wasn’t deserving of it so I did escape and they all try to say you are boring but I do not agree now all talks are about dive bars and art but I am unwilling to live without you by my side or stay here. I have made a bad choice, can’t I take it back? I want to make a choice! Can life react? To say the very least I have never been so sad. I want to go back to where it is fluorescent. They say nothing ever happens there but that’s where we met and that’s where we are happy that’s where I felt alive. I don’t want to leave my house - part of me has died. I have made a mistake, I was wrong, how can I fix it? I guess all the clues I have got were misleading. We can have some wine and we can eat some cheese. If I choose fluorescent will you come pick me up? Please! Because I miss that place so so much. When I left my happiness forgot to follow me. I miss you so much. Take me back to the light where I can feel peace. All I need is a lift. If someone can hear me…I think I am in the wrong place. Can someone help me?