The beast howls in my veins

Noah. 25. Writer. Faberry, Maxoline, Rizzles, Elsanna.

[umbilic-torus]

[unpill]

[hairstylesbeauty]

..and that’s how babies are made in the 21st century. (via) hairstylesbeauty.tumblr.com

[koriandrea]

fuckin nerds sexting

[hockpock]

this went a completely different direction than i was expecting,

[mickeyjperez]

Serious relationship goals

[bobrunsgoldfish-deactivated2018]

This is far more advanced than any sexting I’ve ever done.

[pithy-partyy]

omg.

[handsomemelanin-deactivated2023]

This was art.

[blinded-cupid-blog]

I like that lol

[candiikismet]

Next level shit. I love it

[shaccharin]

you chose us now we get to choose u

[fujingjing-deactivated20190905]

I LIKE EGGS

[dosedotcom]

BYEEEEEE

[bestofpokemongo]

Gotta catch em all - via

[gilianderson]

[micdotcom]

An HIV-positive Michigan woman took police to court and won 

Three years after being ticketed for not disclosing to an officer that she has HIV, Shalandra Jones just won her court case against the police. During the traffic stop Jones was under no legal obligation to reveal her HIV status to a law enforcement official. Jones will now walk away with a large settlement payout.

[lowbidinal-deactivated20160705]

ALL PEOPLE WITH HIV ARE INNOCENT

HIV IS NOT A CRIME

[freespiritedkid]

J

[cartooncoyote]

Eating fruit is okay

[weedsandwich-deactivated2018042]

source?

[cartooncoyote]

this

[oneseriouslycoolguy]

That banana is holding her hostage

[thequarkside]

Longest breakup ever.

[tastefullyoffensive]

She’s so real. [video]

[egoegoegoetc]

[Kate McKinnon making her castmates break during “Close Encounter” sketch]

Why did you think Kate was right for the part she played?

Kate has an innate ability to make weirdos wonderfully accessible. She felt like a real person up there, which made the weirdness of her experience on this UFO with a group of dumb aliens seem more real. She found an awesome nuance in not playing it angry or too annoyed, but weirdly accepting and kind of disappointed, yet pretty much unfazed. It’s hard to explain the method to Kate’s delightful madness.

Were the cast members laughing in the days leading up to it, too?

Yeah. Kate was like an assassin, taking them out one by one. She’d get Bobby to laugh, then spread her legs wider and wider until Aidy lost it. It was really fun watching Kate just completely control the scene and have fun up there.

[blondebadassbitchqueen-blog]

I said it before, and I’ll say it again…If you haven’t seen this sketch, you’re missing out.

[z1102-deactivated20180424]

[phoebe-the-rabbit]

Kate McKinnon & Kumail Nanjiani.

[fluxweedstem]

this 👏

[dingodoodles]

[tastefullyoffensive]

by Electric Bunny

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

[kneelinggirl-deactivated2015042]

This may be the funniest thing I have ever read. There are actual tears coming out of my face.