good night

22 | proship/cest dni | wips + sketches ⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

[angelsintheblue]

One of the things I hated most was that nobody would ever look at me the way you did ever again. Not for a while.

anw i found a good blur brush

[angelsintheblue]

G.I. was well loved by their family with the few years they had in their hands. G.I. does not remember these people.

When they were kidnapped, G.I. could not speak then, so they cried. Hungry? Cry. Tired? Cry.

"Is that G.I. again." "Who else?" "I swear to fucking god, I know they can't speak--"

When G.I. was barely 2 and finally understood language, the little consideration they received dissipated. G.I. struggled to understand this. Where was the warmth? They would take anything. Anything at all. G.I. does not understand this yearning either.

"Quit crying. Big kids don't cry. You're a big kid now, aren't you?"

G.I. still cries! It's something they haven't yet learned to stop. They aren't completely unable to express their emotions, it's just very difficult to control how they express it. Even if they put effort into it, people will always mistake their feelings as something else entirely. Sometimes even when they don't feel anything, they find themselves crying for no reason at all.

Anyway they grow to be very sure of their actions so it's all good, sometimes the handlers wonder if they were too kind to G.I. when they were still an impressionable toddler because of how often G.I. tends to disrupts class. They don't even know where their disruptive behavior stems from, or who they learned these ideas from.

[dailyworldcinema]

MY BROKEN MARIKO 2022 | dir. Yuki Tanada

[angelsintheblue]

C-035 and A-017

[angelsintheblue]

guys i swear im going to give them happy endings but they gotta go through shit first to explain why they are the way they are HELP

anw fun fact Iris is a perfectionist, pretty good at lying until she can't. G.I. is the type who overcompensates but doesn't really care if what they do is perfect or not.

[angelsintheblue]

"Actually, everyone was really nice to me back in the program, what about you? What made you choose the scrutinizing gazes of a different race altogether?" "We had very different experiences."

TGHP by nature is a highly competitive environment. Everyone wants a shot at getting an avatar.

Iris was lying. She was one of the youngest by age range. Not as young as G.I. was when they were taken in. She couldn't read very well but she could speak.

Iris thought she could impress them with her drawing skills then. She wasn't the very best by a long shot but she wanted friends. She wanted them to draw something with her. This is one of her many vandalized drawings. One of the few that weren't ripped to pieces. She made multiple attempts at befriending them, different ways. She never drew again. But she did still try to talk to the others.

After G.I.'s defection, TGHP tried to make the environment a bit "friendlier" and more "accepting." The thing with forcing children to get along this way makes them resent whoever they have to get along with.

They are kind to her face. But they ostracize her in other ways. Istra eventually figured it out and knew she had to adapt and change in order blend in.

[angelsintheblue]

Iris and the foundations of her indoctrination. There are times it is imperative to believe in something you know isn't true or right because it is the only way you can survive. It's not about strength or anything fancy at all. There is no beauty to it. Sometimes it is shame dressed in valor. Something terrible and ugly hidden under something shiny, "powerful" but ultimately meaningless. Something built on brittle foundations will collapse. It is only a matter of time, until something breaks through. Until someone makes you see it's not the only way to survive.

[angelsintheblue]

Istra & G.I. interaction!

Istra really could care less about the people in the Resistance. But Vieno does, and Vieno particularly worries a lot about G.I. So Istra "cares" about G.I. as well. More so to lessen the load on Vieno.

She does not like G.I. at all.

G.I. isn't very good at lying, that is the difference between them and Vieno.

"How could you tell?"

"You are being uncharacteristically cheerful. You can try and convince people otherwise but everyone can see right through you G.I. Your attempts to ease any worries are poorly executed, and you will achieve the opposite, I still don't know how you are one of the best from your batch, of all people. I do not care about you G.I., and yet I can see it. Imagine someone else actually does who care enough to pay attention to you, how quickly will they uncover this poor disguise of yours?"

She is not a very kind person. G.I. has the same bluntness that Istra has but Istra aims to hurt. G.I. has a gentler disposition in comparison to Istra.

[angelsintheblue]

meet "IRIS"

spy sent by TGHP

to spy on the Resistance is not the only mission she has to carry out

heavily indoctrinated but is not entirely blind to the RDA's cruelty

avatar driver

knows who G.I. is, actually looks up to them despite them being a traitor

G.I. is infamous within the organization, there was a brief time where they were the opposite of meek and quiet,

"i could have learned a lot from you."

dislikes G.I.'s choices

"you had so much potential. you threw that all away and for what? to play dollhouse?"

she's actually a pretty decent person

[angelsintheblue]

ok im rlly enjoying their brushes wtf

[angelsintheblue]

been having the worst burn out for some reason, here's something i made testing out brushes and a web paint tool

[angelsintheblue]

G.I. Inspos + Symbolisms

No explanations, just a bunch of stuff together.

Fun fact, A-017 is the serial number of G.I.'s late friend! Just wanted to bring it up for no reason at all.

pre-defection G.I. after A-017 died:

[angelsintheblue]

perpetually tired

g.i. found that despite having slept and rested as the resistance members have insisted, no amount of sleep can ease the exhaustion that has seeped into their bones, always screaming to lay down and yet when they do, the screaming does not cease, the heaviness does not disappear. if anything, it's as if the acknowledgement that they are tired makes it worse. g.i. must learn the hard way that recovery from whatever that ails them is not linear, and that it is a long road from here. but what matters is they are walking forwards anyway. in spite of all that happened. in spite of the things they faced. the only way out of a forest is through.

here's a sketch of g.i., still rlly busy irl, might be a month before im free again, r we giving g.i. chronic illness, mayhaps, mayhaps not, i like thinking of the repercussions of being raised in an environment like that, there's many ways. some become irrationally angry. others fall apart when their brain senses that they're finally safe and need a lot of time for their nervous systems to recalibrate. sometimes it gets worse before it gets better.

i'll be drawing and writing still until then, but maybe won't be posting as much, mostly sharing it with friends

[angelsintheblue]

a face destined to die

[angelsintheblue]

kinda cooking guys fr also forgot that autodesk sketchbook doesn't have autosave (i have the free version before they priced it again)

[angelsintheblue]

skater g.i. again bcuz i love them

trust me when i tell you i have a lot more different artstyles up my sleeves

[angelsintheblue]

i draw g.i. and i get the urge to bite them.

[angelsintheblue]

In the distance, there are two kids chasing each other through the forest. Hiding behind the trees, both covered in mud and dirt, yet they laugh with careless abandon.