Hey I’m Sammy!! I write for Bucky😍 I write toxic angst (so if that’s not your thing don’t read), but will write other aus if requested! Requests are CLOSED.
Hey all! I’m rewriting all my works cause after re-reading them I know I can do better. I’m hoping this also gets me back into writing. Anyway I’m starting with my one shots.
*Please note a lot of my stories contain toxic relationships that may not end the way you want. Sorry not sorry*
* Updated work
Bucky Barnes
One-Shots On AO3
Always The Friend* / Part 2*
Secrets Are No Fun*
You Matter To Me*
Past Meets Present
Only Us*
Just Friends*/ Part 2*
Not Good Enough*
It Should Be Me / Part 2
Series
If You Love Me, Why Did You Hurt Me?
Was It A Mistake* / ON AO3
My Roommates Boyfriend* / ON AO3
Did I Take A Step Too Far / ON AO3
But I Love You... / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Alternate Ending / ON AO3
The New Recruit* / ON AO3
Laser-Like Focus / ON AO3
The Truth Will Set You Free / ON AO3
The Past Can Break You
The One Where He Needs To Choose
Requests
You Never Said
Don’t Smile
The Boss Lady
Nightmare
Flirting
Remember Me
The Crush
Choices Series
I Thought... / Part 2
Never Left
What’s Done is Done / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5
Wedding Day
Is It Him?
Who Should I Choose?
Be Careful
Are We Dating?
Defend To The End / Part 2
When Things Are Left Unsaid / Part 2
Sacrifice for Love
Past Meets Present (Alternative)
Fic Rec
Bucky list 1- favorites
Sebastian Stan
One-Shots
Why Me?
Series
PR Stunt Gone Wrong
Requests
A Cold?
Is It Too Late
Author’s Notes
Daddy of Mine
Summary: When you move back to your old hometown for the third year of University, you’re reintroduced to Steve Rogers, a childhood friend who drags to see his other best friend in the first hockey game of the season, James ‘Bucky’ Barnes. When Bucky is severely injured during the game, his friends rotate caring for him but for some reason the person who he chooses to be around the most is you. With him out of commission for the whole season and horribly annoyed at life, you make it your goal to treat Bucky to a semester to remember and show him there’s more to life than winning…except when it comes to winning your heart.
Warnings: Language and drinking mentioned, graphic injury described during a hockey game(to Bucky).
Tags: Uni Bucky, hockey player Bucky, reader has lore(a brother named Jake), angst, fluff, happy endings and many hockey references, Canucks mentioned lol, mainly the Rangers.
AN: This is technically a Christmas fic because about 2000 words of the 17k happen on December 31st...LOL. Also I REALLY wanted to post this now because I have been typing it since AUGUST. Idk why it took so long but I needed it out, it's FREE. Dividers by @saradika-graphics
Sidelined
New York City, Fall
To save money on university you chose to spend the first two years of your degree back at home in some small town in Vermont that you had been stuck in since the start of 4th grade, away from old friends and the hustle and bustle of the city you grew up in. Sure it was a far cry from New York and the big city you were used to but growing up in a town known for maple syrup and a lot of trees was an experience to say the least and one you’d never forget. But now at 22, you were ready for a change and that came in the form of a transfer to NYU for the last two years of a bachelor’s degree. You packed your sedan with enough stuff for your stay, paid a couple month’s rent for some shitty apartment with a few roommates and had made the long drive to your old friend's apartment since he promised he’d help you move in.
Back in New York, in Brooklyn specifically, you lived next to a guy named Steve Rogers who had become your childhood best friend and you remembered walking home from school with him, showing off your old childhood dog and the swingset that squeaked when it rained. But it was a good life having him around and he was the main thing you missed when you left, when your dad announced he had gotten a better job in another state and your whole life had to change. It had been years since you’d seen Steve and you wondered if you’d even recognize him when your mouth spread into a grin at the sight of a head of blonde hair on the steps of your new building. He looked relatively the same, just a lot bigger and had put on some muscle since third grade but still had the goofy smile on his face that only grew when your old red sedan pulled up next to him.
“Oh my god,” he said as you grinned and jumped out, running over and wrapping him in a tight hug as the guy chuckled. “You haven’t changed a bit.”
“You got bigger,” you said and shoved his shoulder, shocked at how defined they were.
“Yeah well…blame football.”
“You didn’t take a serum to make you bulk up?” you joked and he chuckled.
“Just some protein powder and a weight lifting bench as my 13th birthday present,” Steve assured and gave you a smile.
“Well…I’m glad you found what you love,” you said and caught that he was wearing a letterman jacket, dark blue and red with a large A in the crest on his chest. “What team does NYU have?”
“We’re called the Avengers and we’re pretty damn good,” Steve said and helped to grab some boxes out of your car. “We went all the way to the championships last year but lost in the final round, it was pretty hard. The real sport of choice for NYU is hockey.”
“I mean the Rangers are right there,” you said and knew the apartment you chose wasn’t that bad of a drive to Madison Square where they played.
“Some players have moved onto the Rangers,” Steve said and you nodded, impressed. “In fact…I was thinking of catching the first game of the season later this afternoon and I even bought you a ticket.”
“Steve…”
“I know…you hate hockey after what happened but it’s been three years, I’m sure you can gather enough courage to catch one game.”
“One game and if I hate it, I’m leaving after the first period,” you said and he nodded as you shoved a key into the lock before pulling open the door to your new home.
First impressions weren’t perfect and the first thing that caught your eye was the chaos with wine bottles on every table, a couple empty pizza boxes and two people screaming at each other in the living room. You and Steve eyed each other as you sighed and stepped in further, keeping a good hold on your box of breakables in case the people fighting got violent. From the hall you could see them and it looked to be two women, each one with fiery red hair and a temper to rival any person you’d ever met as they yelled about beer.
“I didn’t drink the last can, Nat!” one yelled and you could hear what sounded almost like an Eastern European accent as Nat scoffed.
“Sure, Wanda, the resident drunk,” she shot back and Wanda scoffed.
“I am not a drunk!”
Nat wandered over to a side table and pointed to the variety of cans and bottles atop it, an annoyed look on her face as Wanda just shrugged. “What is this?”
“That’s been collecting for a while.”
“And that’s the problem!” Nat shouted and she flinched. “We have a new roommate coming soon and she’s gonna be absolutely horrified when she walks in to see this mess that you won’t clean up!”
“The new roommate is here,” you called and they both turned, cheeks going as red as their hair.
“Oh…Welcome,” Nat said and walked over before grabbing your hand and shaking it. “Steve.”
“Natasha,” Steve greeted and you eyed how they looked at each other. “You look nice.”
“Save it,” she muttered and the man sighed as Nat grabbed your hand and walked you over to a room at the far end of the hall. “We gave you the best room, it has these amazing windows that overlook the street and doesn’t smell like cheese.”
“This place smells like cheese?” you asked and she chuckled.
“No…only sometimes,” she said and you sighed, dropping your box on the floor as Steve placed his own on the bed. “So…you know Steve.”
“Childhood friends,” you informed and she frowned.
“I thought your childhood bestie was Barnes?” Nat asked and you frowned.
“Oh he was after, Bucky didn’t show up till grade five and by that time she had already moved to Vermont,” Steve said and you nodded with a sigh.
“Guilty as charged.”
“She gets to meet him though later.”
“Is he taking you to a Thunderbolts game?” Nat asked and you looked to Steve for confirmation and he nodded. “God…he takes everyone to one of those. He’s so excited to show off Bucky.”
“Oh so this Bucky…Barnes, plays for them?” you asked and Steve nodded.
“He’s their captain,” Steve said and you nodded, suddenly understanding why he was so eager to take you to a game. “Bucky and his family moved into your old house.”
“Oh so you replaced me?” you accused and Steve frowned.
“Never,” he assured and wrapped an arm around your shoulder as you rolled your eyes.
“I wouldn’t care,” you muttered and he smiled. “We lost touch.”
“That we did, but this is a chance to change that, especially since your roomies are Nat and Wanda!” Steve said and smiled at Nat who rolled her eyes.
“We’re not buddies, we’re exes,” she said and your eyes widened as Steve chuckled, suddenly looking a lot more awkward.
“Yeah…recent ones,” he muttered and you eyed the two of them as Wanda wandered into your room, bottle of wine in hand.
“Wanda Maximoff,” she greeted and you told her and Nat your name with a smile. “Drink?”
“Wanda is from Sokovia…she holds liquor well,” Nat said and you nodded before giving Wanda a polite shake of your head and she frowned, guzzling back some of the wine. “So…what’s your major?”
“Journalism,” you said and smiled. “I want to work for the Times.”
“Oh wow…I’m doing criminology with Steve and Wanda is majoring in thought.”
“It’s a good degree,” Wanda assured and you nodded, not really knowing what it meant.
“What’s Bucky doing?” you asked and they all scoffed.
“Besides hockey, half the grad class probably,” Nat said and laughed as your eyes narrowed. “I’ve been asking him about his major for months and he refuses to tell me. Steve says it’s some big secret.”
“I don’t even know,” Steve said but Nat shook her head.
“Good luck with him if you meet him.”
“Why?”
“Because everything to Bucky Barnes is something he has to win, especially women,” she said and you frowned, not liking the sound of that.
“And you want me to meet him, why?” you asked and Steve shrugged.
“Come on, they’re playing with you, he’s a nice guy,” Steve assured and you looked at him quizzically, not trusting him despite how long you’d known the guy. “It’s one game, if you hate the guy…we can go home after the first like you said, I promise.”
“One game,” you said and Steve nodded, grabbing a hat he had placed on top of your box.
It was mainly black with a gold asterisk on the front and a #10 and Barnes stitched onto the back in the same colour thread and your eyes narrowed when he placed it on top of your head.
“Really?”
“Come on, I have one,” Steve said and pointed to his own hat as you let out a sigh, deciding to unpack after the disaster game.
“One game, Rogers,” you reiterated and he nodded, stuffing his hands in the air.
“Good luck!” Nat called and Wanda raised her wine bottle in a sort of send off as you sighed and followed Steve out the door.
He knew about your history with the sport and the disdain you had for it and people that sounded a lot like his supposed other childhood best friend, your replacement. The whole thing didn’t sound all that pleasant and you weren’t looking forward to the game like he suggested, you were looking forward to leaving halfway through and never going back.
The NYU Thunderbolts had a hell of a fan base and it became even more clear when it took you and Steve nearly an hour to get through the front door. There was a sea of people all in gold and black and chatting excitedly about their incoming season and how good it was to see the team after being away all summer. It seemed like the arena was the place to be and you pulled your jacket tighter since it was cold to say the least as Steve dragged you over to the glass. The university had two teams, one for the men and one for women and Steve mentioned on the way they were both just as popular but it was always the men's team that got to play first. He assured you he'd be going to the women's game later that month and you grumbled in response, not even wanting to be at one game, much less two. But he didn't notice the annoyance since he was busy getting the attention of the said #10 you had on your hat.
“Is that Bucky?” You asked and Steve nodded as Bucky skated over, helmet off and hair all sweaty.
He skidded to a stop and gave him a fist bump through the glass before nodding to an open spot where the zamboni went through. Steve nodded and grabbed your hand, dragging you over despite your protests as Bucky cocked an eyebrow at this new face. He was used to women fawning over him, half the school was in love with him but Steve and a new girl was a different story. He only knew his best friend to date one woman and that woman broke his heart about a week back over text. He had to console him and make him feel better over one too many rounds of Call of Duty and didn't feel like doing it again for after this girl. But you also looked more annoyed than in love and it intrigued him to say the least so he skated over and stepped onto the break between the bleachers and reached up, giving Steve a high five.
“Hey man,” he greeted and sent you a grin that you rolled your eyes at.
“Oh this is,” Steve said and said your name as Bucky eyed you since he'd never heard it before. “She's an old friend, just got to the city from Vermont, used to live in your childhood home.”
“I wondered who was there before,” he said and ran a hand through his hair. “I caught your height chart on a door jam before it got painted, really didn’t grow much taller.”
“No, I did not,” you said and glared at Bucky as he grinned, eyes catching on your hat.
“Oh, are you already a fan?”
“This was a gift,” you said and nodded to Steve who shoved his hands in the air.
“A shame, I need a good luck charm for tonight.”
“Look elsewhere,” you said and he chuckled.
“I’m sure another girl will come by and scream my name before the game starts,” he said and you rolled your eyes as Bucky cocked a grin and skated off, shooting a puck into the net as a few girls started screaming.
“So…”
“Shut it,” you said and Steve rolled his eyes as you found your seats near the back of the one level arena where there was a good view of the entire ice.
Steve grabbed two bottles of coke and a bag of popcorn off a guy walking by and you sighed, sitting back and not liking the feel of the cool air on your cheeks and the smell of that classic arena hot dog. The whole thing felt too close to home and you shut your eyes, trying to calm your heart since it wouldn’t stop racing and felt a hand on your shoulder.
“Hey…are you okay?”
“Too familiar,” you said and he nodded.
“I get it…I miss him.”
The ‘him’ he was referring to was your older brother, Jacob, who was a hockey player or at least was trying to be and made it all the way to an NHL draft shortlist when he got sick and didn’t pull through, gone only three months after his diagnosis. You had avoided arenas since then since hockey was always the game you and Jake loved, catching every Rangers game you could on TV and even traveling to Madison Square for his 18th birthday. The games used to mean something but now it was a reminder of a dream he never got to fulfill and not even salty popcorn could keep your mind off of it. But a very large man giving you a hug might do it.
“HEY!”
You screamed and jumped back, the guy staring at you in concern as half your section turned to see what the big deal was. You stared at him, trying to catch your breath and turned to Steve who looked annoyed to say the least that he thought it was a good idea to hug someone zoning out, much less a woman.
“This is Sam,” Steve said and the guy smiled. “He’s an idiot.”
“Sorry,” Sam muttered and you shook your head that it was fine as your heart refused to stop trying to run out of your chest. “I thought you saw me and I know you’re Steve’s old friend.”
“No…I didn’t,” you muttered and Sam sat, looking embarrassed.
“Well I’m Sam Wilson, I play football with Steve and my good buddy Joaquin is on the team, he’s #15,” Sam said and pointed to a young guy skating around near Bucky. “We tend to catch every game, cheer 'em on and when he said you’d be here…”
“You thought it would be a good idea to scare me?” you said and Sam chuckled.
“No…that was not my intention.”
“Well, shitty first impressions aside, it’s nice to meet you,” you said and shook Sam’s hand as he sat, giving you a wide smile as the announcer said the names of the current players.
“And your captain…NYU put your hands together for #10…JAMES ‘BUCKY’ BARNES!”
The whole arena exploded and Steve stood, cheering for his friend as Bucky did a lap, shooting a puck into the net before tossing a second over the boards and to a girl who looked ready to faint. Bucky chuckled at the gesture before doing a long bow and taking his place next to Joaquin who gave him a fist bump as you rolled your eyes and stood, pulling your hat off for the national anthem. Once it was finished and everyone had settled, the clock was set for twenty minutes and the first period was set as you sat back, not missing this one bit.
But as the players skated by and plays got called, not to mention how Bucky slammed a player from Jersey into the boards you started to relax and even found yourself on edge for the trickier moments. It got a bit dicey as Bucky was cornered in the wrong end but he did an incredible spin manoeuvre, keeping the puck glued to his stick and speeding off to the other end of the ice, shooting it at the goalie and garnering the first goal of the game.
“God…he’s incredible.”
“The Rangers have been eyeing him since first year but Bucky has said no every time.”
“Why not?”
“He wants a degree, doesn’t want to get into the NHL before he can experience real life for a little bit.”
“That’s fair,” you said and the period ended with the Thunderbolts being up two nothing over the other team.
You caught Bucky leaving and he looked up, sending you a smile before disappearing down the tunnel where you met him as you rolled your eyes and walked off to buy another bottle of coke, ignoring the look and the feeling in your stomach it caused.
The second period was pretty uneventful with Joaquin getting a goal and Sam practically flying down to the ice in celebration which made Steve roll his eyes since it seemed to be a common occurrence. Bucky caught your eye at the end of it again and you rolled your eyes, disregarding it a second time and ignoring the passing glances until the third started up and crunch time started. The team was still up by two but that lead dwindled when a very large and seemingly Russian transfer student got off two goals in less than five minutes. You could tell it was starting to annoy Bucky and he turned his assault towards him, keeping him stuck to the boards for half the period and even earning a tripping penalty.
“God…he’s getting to him,” you muttered and Steve nodded, face full of concern for his friend.
“He’s got this,” Steve assured as Bucky practically sprinted out of the box with two minutes left and grabbed the puck, skating his way down the ice and going to aim for the net.
The play was perfect, he was right in line for the game winner but his tormenter had another idea and your eyes widened when he skated right for him, holding up his stick in a position that for sure wasn’t legal. But nothing could stop the assault and he leveled himself with Bucky before knocking him off balance right before the net and sending him flying into it.
The whole arena went dead silent and you assumed he was alright when a horrid crack hit your ears and the screams were quick to follow, a splash of blood following and spraying the crease as your eyes widened. The hit had caused Bucky’s left arm to get caught in the net and the force of the impact on the Russian’s follow through seemed to have broken it, wrist included. A piece of bone could be seen through his jersey and you were damn grateful that the hit had also knocked him out since the pain had to of been absolutely mind numbing. Steve and Sam both ran forward as half the team joined into a fight against the Russian and managed to get him away from the net as a few medics that were standing by, walked onto the ice with a stretcher.
Sure your brother didn’t die on ice but this all felt like too much from the blood to the screams before he got knocked unconscious and you moved through the crowd like a fish in a stream, getting out of that arena before you could spot any more damage. You’d have to ask Steve if he was okay later when your heart stopped pounding and flashes of the hit stopped bombarding your senses whenever your eyes fluttered closed.
You learned from Steve that the hit Bucky suffered was worse than you initially thought. He spent close to six hours in surgery to keep the arm in place while it healed and the smack against the net also caused a pretty bad concussion. He was out for a while, close to three days and had been babied by his collection of roommates ever since. Apparently his parents stayed over for the first week and you had to listen to Steve complain about them over a three hour call but they had left since he was an adult and could take care of himself. Bucky had been employing his friends to do tasks for him like cooking and cleaning, driving him around since while he was right handed, most of the lower half of his left arm was in an impressive cast that tended to get in the way.
Everyone that knew the guy had been by to help at least once except for you, you had stayed away, not sure if he wanted your help since your first impression wasn't perfect. It was also the fact that he called you a good luck charm and in the very first game you watched as he suffered an injury that could end his career. A broken arm was one thing but it was the wrist Steve was worried about since despite being right handed, Bucky had always favored his left for sports. You felt horrible the whole time and even worse when you stayed away for two months, avoiding Steve's advice to just go and see him, say hi, see if he was okay. But one day in late October he gave you a call, one that would change everything.
“Hello?” You asked and sighed since he phoned early and it was Saturday, the singular day off you had between school and work at a cafe.
“Hey,” Steve began and said your name as you sighed again. “I was wondering if you wanted to come by.”
“To see Bucky?” You asked and he got quiet which you gave you the answer. “I don't know.”
“He's been asking for you.”
“Why?”
“We've all been rotating through looking after him, doing stuff for him and he's not the best patient and has gotten pretty annoyed with all of us,” Steve informed and you remembered listening to Nat also complain about the guy. “He's fed up with his friends and yesterday mentioned you.”
“Me?”
“I think he'd like it, he needs someone that doesn't already know him and you're new, you have no prior impressions,” he said and you frowned.
“He labeled me a good luck charm at that first game like I was some girl, pining after him.”
“He feels bad about that if it's any consolation,” Steve said and you sighed. “Look I'll come get you, I'll buy you coffee AND breakfast and then you can hang out for like an hour at minimum if you don't like it. He's lonely.”
You thought about it, about seeing Bucky and his smug face that kept eyeing you that entire game before the accident. Sure he seemed like a cocky bastard who thought he was so much better than everybody but a part of you wondered if there was more. If below the grins and the snide remarks there was a guy with just as much insecurity as you, trying his damndest to mask it all. Maybe a hockey captain that's now thrown on his ass would be a bit more vulnerable and you let out yet another sigh as Steve chuckled.
“Fine…but I'm bringing the book I need to read for class,” you said and could picture Steve giving you a nod.
“Fair…I'll be there in ten.”
“We’re going to Martha's, Steven, not some shitty corporate cafe.”
“Nothing but the best,” he assured and you rolled your eyes, hanging up and glancing around your room, baked in early morning sunshine.
Just an hour, that's all you needed to stay for but a part of you was certain it would be just like the game when you only intended to stay for just a period. He seemed to have that effect on people, kind of like a black hole, it pulled you in and you had a sneaking suspicion you weren't about to be immune to it.
The apartment that Bucky shared with Steve and Sam was on the other side of Brooklyn, next to a park and way older than yours, full of creaky wood floors and drafty hallways. Steve mentioned it used to belong to his grandmother and was new in like 1945 but it worked for the three of them, was fully paid for and all they had to buy was some new fixings and some bills that weren’t nearly as bad as the ⅓ rent you paid with Nat and Wanda. Sure it was old and drafty but it was better than anything you could possibly find in the nicer part of the city and there was a part of you that was holding back some jealousy when Steve pushed the door open with a bit of force since you were holding a cardboard tray full of to go coffee from Martha’s.
The cafe was just down the street and overlooked the same park the apartment did and had always been a staple of this part of New York. You had been there a couple dozen times, enjoying the coffee and homemade donuts and chatting with the elderly Martha herself whenever she was around and not leaving the place to her daughter. Sure some places had better prices or better quality coffee but nothing beat the caramel iced latte and you were sipping your own and awaiting the breakfast wrap in the bag in Steve’s hand. It was a treat to be able to enjoy the cafe and the few times you return to visit Steve, a trip to Martha’s was always a guarantee for late night pick me ups and early morning coffee runs.
“Bucky!” Steve called and an annoyed sounding voice came from a room down the hall. “I brought her!”
There was a loud crash that followed that and you raised a brow at Steve as he shrugged and led you over to the room before knocking on the door and it got pulled open by a tired looking Bucky. He had dressed pretty quick and shoved on a pair of black NYU sweats and a Thunderbolts t-shirt, black with that asterisk in gold on the front and his name and number on the back.
“Hey,” he greeted and grabbed the iced coffee that Steve was holding. “Thank you.”
“We got some breakfast as well,” you said and Steve held up the bag. “Some wraps to go with the coffee.”
“Sweet…hey…Can I talk to you alone?” Bucky asked and glanced back at Steve who nodded and handed you the bag before he walked off to his own room and Bucky pulled open the door. “Good…Come in.”
“It’s not gonna be a mess is it?”
“Nah, I cleaned it,” he said with a chuckle and it was pretty clean minus a pile of clothes but you took a seat on the window seat that overlooked the park and wished it could be yours. “Thank you for coming and hearing me out.”
“Yeah…why?”
“Well…While I appreciate my friends, they’re too much,” he said and sipped the coffee before taking a seat on the bed as you eyed his left arm that was heavily wrapped to the point that barely even a finger was poking through. “They've been hovering this whole time and it’s finally gotten annoying.”
“Don’t you need it?”
“I mean the hit was bad,” he muttered and eyed the cast. “My arm was trashed because of it, especially the wrist and I have to keep this on for like three months because of it which sucks, my season is over. But I also want someone who doesn’t know me around, someone who won’t be like…hey man, remember that other time you got sick and were a shit patient, don’t be like that. You have no prior experience.”
“What would I do?” you asked and he shrugged.
“I don’t know. So far it’s been small things like driving me places and cleaning some dishes but I have roommates for that. What sucks is that Steve and Sam are hella busy and will continue to be busy and because my thing is hockey, I have nothing to do. I’ve been sitting in this bed with a laptop or at my desk for the last month and it’s driving me insane.”
“So you want a friend?” you asked and he frowned.
“Sure…”
“Wow…All this just for a friend.”
“Keep mocking me and I’ll take it back.”
“I’m just shocked, you feel like the kind of guy that has a million of those.”
“Yeah well I have three.”
“Again…why me?”
“Is it bad to say you intrigued me ever since I found your height marker etched into the door jam of my childhood bedroom,” he said and you felt your cheeks flush as you busied yourself with the breakfast wrap. “Seeing you at the game just added to it.”
“I’m going to be annoying,” you said and he chuckled. “You’re going to have to learn about my classes and my dumb job and all the troubles I have.”
“A fair trade off,” he muttered and pointed to the laptop on the bed. “I have Sportsnet Plus, we can watch a few games.”
“Only if we can also play cards.”
“Fine…cards,” he said and chuckled as you reached out your glass of iced coffee and he clinked his own against it.
“Good to meet you…friend.”
“Right back at you.”
“So…I’m starting now cause I have this annoying class on Friday mornings,” you said and pulled the book out of your bag as Bucky sighed and leaned against his mountain of pillows to get comfy.
Much like the game you didn’t spend just one hour rambling about a class, you spent close to four and really liked just having someone who was so eager to listen to you…to listen to anything about you and Bucky seemed to be that type of guy. He was lost, stuck without his favourite sport for the whole year and trying to figure out what he was beyond just the captain of the school's best team and you were eager for a new person to know in New York. Maybe the arrangement would benefit the both of you and would foster a friendship that would last a lifetime…but nothing more…right?
New York City, Winter
Your favourite part of New York had forever been the winter and watching as a blanket of fresh snow made the city look a hell of a lot prettier than it did in the throes of a rainy and dreary fall. It also brought a set of challenges and late one afternoon you got a call you didn’t expect but it wasn’t bad, you’d been talking back and forth for the better part of two months. Agreeing to hang out with Bucky ended up being a damn good idea and you liked spending hours just listening to him ramble about his own problems like classes and money being tight since he couldn’t work with the arm.
You were also shocked to learn he had a job at a garage just outside the city and had been a lover of working with his hands for as long as he could remember. When he could, he drove an old Ford Falcon from 1975 that he restored from basically a hunk of metal in his first year of university. Bucky also mentioned wanting to move to a trades school but having to stay at NYU because of the team and unrealistic expectations about his future. There was a part of you that wondered who’s dream was it to hit the NHL, Bucky’s or someone else's and he had been living a lie for the last four years. You had been meaning to ask about his future and maybe today would be perfect since the snow was coming down in big fluffy flakes and the man himself was waiting for you to pick up the call.
“Yes?”
“Have you seen the weather outside?” he asked and you glanced out your window.
“Yes, I have windows,” you shot back and he chuckled.
“Yeah well that shitty weather knocked out our power.”
“Snow knocked out your power?”
“Probably a driver in the snow and now my wifi is gone right in the middle of a Rangers game and it was a good one.”
“I know…I was watching the highlights,” you said and glanced at your phone when it mentioned they scored. “Just hit 3-2 for the Rangers.”
“God…”
“Don’t you have data?”
“Data? I can barely afford food right now and the allowance from my dad is stretched thin to begin with.”
“So do you want to come over and steal my wifi?” you asked and he got quiet.
“Uh…no…I was gonna ask you to come over here.”
“Over there?” you clarified and wondered what the hell you could do in the dark.
“Both Sam and Steve are at school working on some dumb group project for their law class so I’m alone…and in the dark and I have a couple board games and some candles.”
“Yeah but I have power,” you said and he chuckled.
“Too bad I’m not taking the Falcon out in the snow, I’d likely knock out the power for a whole other neighbourhood.”
“Okay fine, anything you want on the way.”
“Coffee and lunch from Martha’s, I’ll pay you back.”
“With what money,” you shot back and he let out a dry laugh.
“Very funny, I’ll pay you back eventually.”
“I’ll hold you to that, Barnes.”
“You better,” he muttered and shot back your last name as you felt a blush come over your cheeks.
“See you soon,” you said and hung up the phone, glaring at his contact photo and the dumb grin he shot back when you said you were taking it.
James Bucky Barnes, nothing but a friend, an annoying one at that who had fallen on hard times after his accident and needed someone to look after him, keep him company. You were doing him favours and nothing more, keeping him company and then once he got better you’d each be off in your own little world like nothing ever happened and it was all just a moment one semester. But there was a part of you that knew you’d never forget it, the way he smiled and the attentive look on his face when he listened to you speak about journalism and your dreams. At first a whole semester was pushing it but now you were worried it wouldn’t be enough time.
You pushed open the door of his apartment with your foot since it was open and spotted the back of his head poking up from the back of his couch. You shivered since it was cold as heck in his unheated apartment but luckily Bucky prepared the living room and had dragged over a large comforter you swore was on Steve’s bed the last time you were over. But it was big and comfy and you set down his coffee and panini before curling up on the couch next to him and burying yourself in the blanket that smelt not like Steve’s favourite but like Bucky.
“Is this your blanket?”
“I figured Steve wouldn’t kill me if I stole his,” he said and took a sip of the latte you brought as you raised a brow.
“Sure,” you muttered and sipped at your hot chocolate, wishing that he would’ve just suggested you drive him over to your place where the central heating wasn’t dead thanks to the power being out. “God it’s cold in here.”
“My room is worse, I got the window seat.”
“God…I should’ve just driven you to my place.”
“No come on…we can have fun,” he said and reached under the covers and produced a worn box of Uno cards based on the colours.
“Really?”
“Don’t dig the Uno cards, I used to spend hours playing with Steve,” he said and handed over the box since it was pretty hard to shuffle with one hand.
“Just regular Uno?”
“There’s another kind?”
“Do you guys have any hard liquor?”
“There’s a cabinet under the record player,” he said and you stood, wandering over and looking through it before pulling out a half full bottle of rum and placing it between you two.
“Nat and Wanda’s favourite game is drunk Uno. You take a shot every time you get a Plus 2 or 4.”
“Have you ever survived a game?”
“Nat hasn’t,” you said and chuckled before shuffling the cards and dealing out seven to him and seven to yourself with a grin on your face. “We can change the rules around a bit if you’re afraid you can’t hold your rum.”
“To what?”
“I’ll ask an inquiry, if you can’t answer…drink.”
“An inquiry…what are you a lawyer?”
“Fine…a question.”
“Good…English, thank you,” he said and you rolled your eyes. “And sure…whatever, I’ll answer your dumb questions but I’ll warn you, you’ll be the one drunk by the end of this.”
“Those are fighting words, Bucky, you’re just worried you’re going to lose,” you said and he eyed you, placing a red two on top of the red eight you grabbed off the top of the deck.
“You wish, I don’t lose, Sam and Steve have spent many hours complaining about that fact,” he assured and you rolled your eyes, adding a blue two on top.
“We’ll see, you lost at hockey pretty bad,” you said and eyed his wrist and arm which was still in a cast since the break was worse than they initially thought.
“Low blow, very low,” Bucky shot back but he didn’t look that mad and chuckled when you placed a green two on top of his card and the game began.
It took quite a few easy turns with no questions asked for things to finally get interesting and you finally caught him off guard with a +2 you’d been holding since the beginning of the game. Bucky frowned, grabbing two more cards even though he had almost finished and waiting for your question.
“So…look at this.”
“Just ask.”
“Okay fine…favourite movie?”
“Really?”
“What?”
“All the questions in the entire world and you ask that.”
“Are you refusing to answer?” you asked and held up the bottom of rum as he eyed it, letting out a loud sigh
“No…I just was embarrassed,” he muttered and sucked in a deep breath before muttering something under his breath.
“What? I couldn’t hear you?”
“God…I said, When Harry Met Sally.”
“Really? A romcom?”
“Don’t judge me, it’s more than a romcom.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a lesson.”
“About?”
“Friendships and how fragile they are,” he said and you smiled. “How one little shift can change the entire thing. Also I saw it as a joke years ago and never went back because Meg Ryan is hot in it and it made me cry.”
“Really? You?”
“What’s yours?”
“You don’t have a plus two,” you said and he smiled, placing one on top of yours as you sighed. “Okay…My favourite movie is Top Gun: Maverick.”
“A Top Gun movie…really?”
“THE Top Gun movie…Maverick is my love, I adore that movie and its meaning.”
“Which is?”
“Perseverance and strength, coming back from a hard time and guaranteeing your future even if it’s hard.”
“That’s a pretty good reason to like it,” he said and you placed down a card with a nod.
“It is,” you said and he placed a card on top of yours as you added a red four and he followed it with a wild +4, a grin on his face. “Really? Were you saving that?”
“The pick up was lucky,” he said and you rolled your eyes, grabbing four cards and waiting for him to do his worst. “Favourite meal?”
“Every Sunday my dad would make pizza and his Italian special with pesto, tomatoes and cheese and it lives rent free in my mind. My brother used to eat four of them.”
“Used to?” Bucky asked and your heart sunk, still not ready to delve too deep into your backstory so early on.
“He’s not a big fan anymore,” you muttered and hoped that was enough as he nodded and continued the game, placing down a +4.
“God…that's fair.”
“What is your dream?”
“We go from movies and meals to this?”
“I'm curious,” you shot back and he sighed.
“Okay fine, I'll get deep,” he said and leaned back a bit. “My dream is not the NHL and I've been trying to tell my dad for three years but he won't listen. My dream is to own a garage and fix up cars and work with my hands. I love the sport, don't get me wrong, but the grind it takes just isn't for me.”
“So what's your major?”
“You don't have another card.”
“Come on, no one knows.”
“Fine…it's history, nothing interesting, I'm just here to scrape by with a bachelor's and bolt to a trades school. This arm is the perfect excuse, I might get the doctor to tell him I can't play anymore. It got pretty close.”
“Really?”
“The wrist is bad, it barely works and I'm certain it'll be just as bad weeks from now when all this crap comes off it. I won't be able to bend it right for the rest of my life.”
“Tell him,” you said and Bucky looked at you before slowly placing a +2 down.
“What's your dream?”
“New York Times.”
“Why?”
“I want to share stories with people, tell them about what matters and see my work make a difference. Maybe one day I'll be sitting there in my fancy office and someone will tell me about how my words changed their life, how I changed it and it'll feel like I matter.”
“You're already doing it,” he said and you eyed him since the statement was barely above a whisper.
“Thank you,” you added and Bucky eyed you, his cheeks flushing when he realized you heard him.
You exchanged questions pretty regularly after the slump at the beginning and there were some that got a bit intimate so the bottle of rum was halfway gone by the time Bucky lazily shoved a green 1 on the deck and muttered ‘uno’ much to your delight. You were happy to lose and laid back with a sigh just as the building hummed and the power came back on, a few lights flicking on and the charging light on his laptop flicking on as you both sighed. You moved to the kitchen and started the kettle for more coffee as Bucky stood to stretch, his arms curling above his head and causing his Thunderbolts shirt to ride up a bit, not like you were looking or anything.
“Power is back.”
“Would you like hot cocoa?”
“You’re not headed back?”
“Do you want me to?”
“No…we could watch Top Gun: Maverick,” he suggested and you chuckled but gave him a nod since it sounded like he had never seen it.
“Yeah for sure, it just hit Prime.”
“Perfect, we have some flavoured popcorn in one of the cabinets,” Bucky said and moved past you to reach up and grab a bag of cheddar as you stirred some powder into your two mugs and joined him back on the couch.
The apartment might be old in some aspects but its central heating felt brand new and his comforter was plush and warm and smelt of coffee for some reason and a lingering scent of a cologne he always vaguely smelled like. Sure the movie was interesting, it always had been but you found yourself drifting towards him, nodding off since the day was long and a lot was on your mind. Bucky didn’t move, he didn’t even flinch when you got so close to him your head ended up on his shoulder and it stayed there until the movie ended and long into the afternoon when Sam and Steve returned from their group project expedition at NYU’s library.
“Bucky! Is the power back!” Steve called and he growled at him to stay quiet as they made their way into the living room. “What the hell? Oh…”
“What?” Sam asked and looked down, seeing you asleep on Bucky's lap since your head had fallen.
“Yeah.”
“How long has she been there?”
“Two hours,” Bucky said and hated to admit that he had needed a bathroom for nearly an hour. “I don't know what to do.”
“Move,” Steve suggested and he sighed, not wanting to disturb you. “Why not?”
“Because…” he trailed off as Sam’s face broke into a wide grin and he grabbed the discarded bag of popcorn before taking a handful.
“Oh my god…you think she looks cute?” Sam accused and Bucky shook his head but his ears turned pink.
“No.”
“Oh yeah, you'd move otherwise.”
“She was really tired, she even fell asleep during her favorite movie.”
“Favorite movie, your blanket and she fell asleep on your lap,” Sam said and grinned wider. “God dammit you're in love.”
“Shut the fuck up, Wilson,” Bucky growled and he chuckled.
“No, I won't. Bucky Barnes, in love, how cute.”
“I will kill you,” he hissed and Sam rolled his eyes, tossing him back the bag of popcorn.
“You can try,” he said and laughed, waking back to his room as Bucky sighed and turned to Steve who was smirking.
“Not you to.”
“Sorry man…it's pretty obvious,” he said and patted his friend on the back before walking off as you stirred.
“What time is it?”
“Uh…5pm.”
“Oh, I should go,” you said and sat up, rubbing sleep out of your eyes as Bucky swallowed hard.
“Yeah…you should.”
“Okay, thanks for this,” you muttered and yawned, stretching and causing your sweatshirt to ride up but it's not like he was looking.
“It was fun.”
“We'll have to watch When Harry Met Sally next time,” you suggested and stood, grabbing your purse as he nodded.
“I like that idea,” Bucky said and got up himself to walk you to the front door. “Thank you for coming by.”
“Anytime,” you said and gave him a smile before heading off, practically skipping down the hallway.
He didn't know you that well, it was still the early stages of a relationship that was still platonic but he'd come to realize you had really good hearing.
And were a very light sleeper.
The winter holiday allowed for you to head home and see the old family home that was ironically next to a grove of maple trees. The three bottles of syrup you brought home were a good indication of a nice holiday and Steve was more than thankful for the bottle you brought over. He also mentioned a New Years Eve party he was throwing that Saturday and that you were more than invited. Just that it was bring your own booze and no pictures could end up online if people got really crazy during it. You thought that last part was pretty weird until a photo of a professor who showed up last year and a student went a bit too viral and no one heard from either of them ever again.
But you still wanted to see what was up and arrived late Saturday afternoon before it really started with a case of fancy IPA beer and a gift for Bucky who had mentioned that he was going to get you something. You tried to convince him that it wasn’t needed and his company over the course of the semester was more than enough but he insisted. Besides, you managed to find the perfect gift for him right before you left and were a bit giddy when the guy himself opened the door.
“Hey!” he exclaimed and stepped out a bit, saying your name with a smile on his face and wrapping you in a tight hug. “Look at this!”
Bucky pulled back and stretched his left arm with a bit of a grimace since it was free of his cast and a massive scar stretched from just above the wrist to the elbow. His wrist was still in an impressive cast and you wondered how bad it really was but were at least glad to see the cast off his arm and a bit earlier than expected.
“Wow…”
“Got it done Christmas Eve,” he said and chuckled. “The wrist is still fucked, it’s been bad for a while so they need to go back in after the holidays.”
“Another surgery?”
“Yeah some tendons didn’t heal right,” he muttered and glared at the wrist as you placed a hand on his shoulder.
“Hey, I’ll be there,” you assured and Bucky smiled, ears going red as he moved so you could head further into the warm apartment.
“What’s in the fancy bag?” he asked and you grinned, holding it out to him. “For me?”
“You mentioned a gift and so I got you something,” you said and he took the bag, eyeing it since it was pretty big.
“This isn’t something small,” he observed and you chuckled.
“You’re worth it,” you assured and he nodded, moving to stuff the bag in his room as you shoved some cans in the boys fridge which was already 90% alcohol.
“So…”
“Hello Sam,” you said and turned, grabbing one of Steve’s IPA’s that was already cold as the guy frowned.
“How’d you know?”
“The air got annoying,” you said and took a sip as he sighed. “What do you want?”
“What are you and Barnes doing?” he asked and you frowned.
“Whatever do you mean, Wilson?”
“He’s so happy, has been for a while and is really giddy about whatever gift he got you, it’s annoying,” he said and you blushed at the thought of Bucky being happy over what he got for you.
“He’s just happy to give me a gift.”
“I’ve known Bucky almost three years and he’s gone out with eight women in that time period,” Sam said and you frowned. “Six of which were simply one night stands that didn’t stick around but two did and he was never this giddy around them. This one he dated for like 2 years, they broke up about a month before you got here and he missed her birthday twice.”
“So…”
“He has yours on the calendar in his room,” Sam said and you raised a brow. “He also got you a gift for Christmas and won’t shut up about you…by the way. It’s annoying.”
“You just hate love, Wilson,” you said and he rolled his eyes.
“No…I hate a giddy Bucky Barnes, those two things are very, very different. You’re making one of the guys act like an absolute fool.”
“I’m not about to stop and I don’t think he is either,” you said and caught Bucky walking back into the kitchen to grab his own beer as he gave you a wide grin.
“Great, I’ll go find a new place to live,” he said and Bucky chuckled.
“Oh my God…I am finally going to be rid of you, Sam?”
“Watch it.”
“No, trust me, I’m gonna start cheering,” he shot back and Sam tried to hit him but he dodged, letting out a laugh as he tried to save his beer.
“Enjoy yourselves, I’ll be over there before Aleah gets here.”
“She is?” you asked since no one had ever mentioned her.
“His fake high school sweetheart that no one's ever met,” Bucky said and Sam glared.
“She lives in DC!”
“Doesn’t change it,” Bucky said and Sam swiped him, catching his shoulder and he glared at him. “Ow…We’ve only seen photos, she never visits.”
“She’s busy,” Sam shot back and Bucky scoffed.
“Sure, keep telling yourself that,” he shot back and Sam growled before wandering off as Bucky grinned. “God…he hates me.”
“It's brotherly hate,” you said and he shrugged.
“Maybe,” he muttered and turned to you with a wide grin. “When can I give you my gift? I want to do it before too many people get here and ruin the vibe.”
“We can do it now,” you said and he smiled wide before he led you back over to his room, Sam giving you both an annoyed look as you went.
This was still nothing but a tight friendship, it had to be, since adding in more emotions only made things a lot more complicated…too complicated and no part of you wanted to make what you had complicated. It was nice to sit there and act like a good friend, to buy him something he’d always wanted as a friend and remember what he liked and what he dreamed of…as a friend. Neither of you were gonna make things any more complicated and you convinced yourself the gift wouldn’t change it as Bucky pulled out the card you had stuffed in an envelope on top.
“This first?” he asked and you nodded as you looked over the envelope he handed over and insisted you’d go last.
“Yep, open it,” you said and he nodded, pulling it open as a collection of hockey cards tumbled out. “My dad used to collect them and I looked through his old collection to find some for your favourite. A born and bred New Yorker and yet your favourite player is a Vancouver Canuck…make it make sense.”
“My dad was a big fan of the Canucks and it rubbed off on me. I watched back a lot of their old seasons when I was younger and fell in love with how Pavel Bure played. He was quick and good, made it far, I wanted to be like him.”
“Well…this is a good start,” you said and Bucky grinned, looking over the cards, all from his rookie season.
“Wow…this is incredible and there’s more,” Bucky said and you nodded as he grabbed his wallet and shoved one of his cards into the ID slot before tearing into the bag. “Oh my God.”
“There’s a sports memorabilia store near my place and they had it in the back, all wrapped up and nice. The guy was shocked you were such a big fan but was happy it went to someone who could appreciate it,” you said and he pulled out the signed Bure jersey you spent too much money on.
“This is insane,” Bucky muttered and stood so he could slip it on over his hoodie, the red and yellow making his eyes pop since they were already so wide from being happy. “This is the best gift I’ve ever got.”
“No.”
“Yes,” he said and moved so he could wrap you in a hug as your eyes widened. “Thank you…I don’t think mine is going to compare.”
“Oh come on, we’ll see,” you said and ripped open the envelope as he sat back on the bed. “Wow…I love it.”
“They’re great aren’t they?” he asked and nodded to the card full of dancing penguins.
“They really are,” you agreed and pulled it open as a slip of paper dropped into your lap.
You raised a brow and reached down, slowly unfolding it as your breath hitched and tears began to gather in your eyes at just how nice the gesture was. The sheet was a recipe but not just any recipe, the recipe for white chocolate raspberry shortbread cookies that Martha made every year at Christmas. You had been asking for the recipe since you were a child since they were Jake’s favourite and he hated having to wait till December to eat them again. You even made the trek out when he got sick since he was dying in May and wouldn’t make it to ever taste them again but Martha was reluctant and almost offended you asked for it. You had no clue how Bucky got his hands on it but it was handwritten by Martha herself and a short note was scrawled on the back in her perfect handwriting, one that made even more tears flow.
Make ‘em for Jake, I’m sorry I never let you. This young man didn’t even know, he just said you talked about them a lot and I finally understood why.
-Martha
“God…this is…”
“Hey…are you okay?” Bucky asked since he noticed the trail on your cheeks from the tears and you wiped them before surging forward and wrapping him in a tight hug before he could even blink. “Hey, it's just a recipe.”
“No…It’s not,” you assured and pulled back, very close to him and your cheeks flushed as he moved back a bit more, running a hand through his hair.
“I guess we’re great gifters,” he said and you nodded, standing and folding up the recipe before adding it back to the envelope and placing it on his nightstand for safe keeping. “Come on…more people are here.”
“Yeah, for sure,” you said and he got up, grabbing his bottle and heading back to the living room as you grabbed your own, knowing you were never about to forget that moment.
Bucky still didn’t know about Jake since you had been too happy to ever bring him up and normally he only came up when missing him became too much but that semester was a lot lighter than others and it had everything to do with him.
A friend.
Yeah, right.
As the hours ticked by and midnight neared there was one aspect of the holiday you had forgotten about until a pretty drunk Natasha started to ramble about it. You were all sitting on the couch, you, her and Wanda and splitting a bottle of vodka that Wanda claimed was good for the soul. It wasn’t and you were a bit tipsy but not as bad as Nat who was nearly in tears since it was 11:45 and she had fifteen more minutes to worry.
“What is it again?” you asked and she sighed.
“At midnight, you kiss people,” she said and you frowned, forgetting that trend. “Sam has Aleah, who isn’t fake and you have Bucky and Wanda has her vodka.”
“My one true love,” she said and downed a bit of it as you frowned.
“I don’t have Bucky,” you said and Nat scoffed.
“Yes, you do,” she assured and nodded to the guy who was watching you as he talked with Sam and the very real Aleah who was very pretty and absolutely obsessed with Sam.
Hypocrite.
“He might not kiss me,” you said and hated that your cheeks hurt they were so red.
“Regardless…who do I have?”
“Steve,” Wanda deadpanned and you were certain Nat was going to start crying.
“Really?” she asked and Wanda shrugged as Nat glanced at Steve who was attempting to eat too many cheese cubes at once. “Okay.”
“That’s all it takes?”
“Oh trust me, I’ve been meaning to for a while,” she said and got up, swaying a bit before walking over and kissing him straight on the mouth with eight minutes to midnight.
“Does she?”
“Best not to question it,” Wanda said and kissed her bottle of vodka as Steve came up for air and was quick to shove a countdown on TV before he went back to her.
You rolled your eyes at the two of them before wandering over to Bucky who was handing out glasses of champagne to the partygoers since Steve of course had bought a bottle to celebrate. You grabbed one with a smirk and leaned against the record player table as you watched Nat and Steve make out in front of a very captive and mildly perturbed audience.
“What is that all about?”
“The kiss at midnight,” you said and watched a few couples pair off since it was only two minutes away.
“Oh yeah…I remember that.”
“Nat got a little drunk so…”
“I bet they’ll end up in bed,” he said and you nodded with a laugh. “Do you…have anyone.”
“Nope. Was gonna watch,” you muttered and sipped at your beer, trying to stop your ears from getting too red as he did the same. “You?”
“Uh…yep…watching.”
“Nice,” you muttered and the countdown aka the ball drop in Times Square had a minute left and it started falling. “There it goes.”
“Got any resolutions?”
“More work, I like money,” you muttered and he nodded.
“I hope I can go back…after my surgery,” he said and had forgotten about it thanks to you.
“Yeah, that’ll be fun,” you said and noticed the countdown was only ten seconds away as your throat tightened and he got closer.
Nine.
“It will be.”
Six.
“Horribly,” you added and he chuckled.
Four.
“Hey,” Bucky said and added your name as you turned.
Three.
“Yeah.”
One.
“Fuck it,” he said and leaned down just as the ball hit the bottom and pressed his lips to yours as your eyes went wide.
It didn’t feel like any kiss you had had before and you hated to admit his lips were soft and felt damn good and that intoxicating cologne was even better when your nose was an inch away. Most kisses at midnight didn’t last all that long but he held it for a bit, a solid minute and he finally let you breathe when you started to pull back. Bucky and you stared at each other, eyes wide with flushed faces and swollen lips as you realised the entire dynamic was about to change.
And you were more than willing to let it.
New York City, Spring
The dynamic did change and not in a good way. Instead of starting a whirlwind spring romance, things just got awkward and you spent more hours than not just sitting in his room and staring at walls, too weirded out to say anything. You both didn’t know how to go about changing it, how to address so many unsaid feelings and if he or you really wanted that midnight kiss to become a regular occurrence or not. By the time he got his second surgery and let everybody know it had gone much better and the arm was healing, Bucky and you had settled back into an uneasy friendship. You still walked on eggshells and stayed close to five feet apart at all times but it felt good, it felt good to have him there regardless and you had a skip in your step as you walked to a park near his place.
The city finally wasn’t freezing and the sun was out more in spring so when a particularly nice Sunday rolled around, Bucky offered up a simple picnic at the park and you were more than happy to agree. You had also made a batch of your christmas present, your apartment smelling like your brother’s favourite cookies way out of season and that feeling of missing him came over you again. It had held off for quite a bit but it was nearing four years since he died and you still weren’t all the way over it or used to being in the big city without him constantly worrying about you. You still hadn’t told Bucky about him and Steve assured a while back that he had no idea, no clue how much he meant and how so much of what you did and how you lived was dedicated to him. But maybe today would be the day and you sighed before entering the park and spotting him lounging on a blanket under a tree, book in hand as he leaned against it.
“Good day,” you greeted and took a seat, Bucky smiling.
“Hello.”
“I come with gifts,” you said and pulled out the goods, laying out the shortbread cookies and a couple IPA’s as he smiled.
“Sweet. I grabbed some takeout pizza.”
“Perfect meal,” you declared and grabbed a slice before biting in, not caring that it wasn’t that warm or the grass was lumpy.
“I agree,” he said and laughed, taking a long sip of the IPA, eyes widening a bit when he caught sight of the cookies. “You made them!”
“Yeah, I finally got a chance,” you said and opened up the container, the scent making your eyes water a bit. “I needed a pick me up.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just hate this time of year,” you said and he eyed you.
“Any reason why March gets you down?” he asked and grabbed a shortbread as you sighed, moving so you could cross your legs and look right at him.
“There’s something I never told you,” you said and he sat up a bit to give you his full attention. “Before I moved here, a bit before, I used to journey down to New York to see the Rangers with my brother, Jacob. He was a huge fan of the sport and would treat me with tickets a few times a year.”
“Was…” Bucky pointed out and you nodded.
“Four years ago, almost, he died of cancer,” you said and his jaw dropped. “They found it late and it was bad and they gave Jake six months but he only got three and made it his goal to do whatever he could to complete his bucket list. Skydiving, swimming with sharks, he made it all the way to Antarctica on a cruise and lived the best life he could for the amount of time he was awarded. I try and do the same, live life as best as I can.”
“I would too, he sounds amazing,” Bucky said and you smiled.
“He was and he would’ve liked you.”
“This me or the one before?”
“This one,” you said and he grinned.
“I like myself too,” he said and smiled. “Did he complete everything?”
“No, he missed one thing,” you said and sighed, grabbing a cookie. “Well…two. He missed trying these because she only made them at Christmas and also never got to see his favourite band.”
“These are his favourite cookies?” Bucky asked and the weight of his gift suddenly made a lot more sense. “God…no wonder you were emotional. I just wondered why you liked cookies so much and why you literally spent entire paychecks on them during the holidays. But he was why.”
“I never wanted him to be without them,” you said and smiled, taking a bite, the flavour a reminder that Jacob was gone.
“What was the other thing he missed?”
“His favourite band,” you said and sighed. “They're this indie rock band called Rinkside because their lead singer was a Rangers draft pick who quit and Jake was obsessed. He fell in love with their debut single, a song called Goals, all about accomplishing the dreams you set out to achieve in life. He was their first true fan and had always wanted to see them but his own sports obligations got in the way or he was busy, or just not in town. I spent months emailing them and messaging them on every social media I could find, asking for just one concert even if it was private but they never replied. The lead, this dude named Blake, eventually did but it was too late and he admitted to having bronchitis and wouldn't have been able to sing.”
“Have you ever seen them?” He asked and you shook your head.
“No,” you admitted and sighed. “Blake still messages me and they're playing summer at an outdoor festival in Central Park called Indie Summers but it's too early. Even four years on, it feels like too much. He insisted but, I don't know…I don't think I could.”
“I get that, it takes a lot to get over someone,” he admitted and you nodded. “He sounds amazing, even more so cause I've heard Rinkside and they’re great.”
“They are,” you agreed and chuckled. “Maybe I'll man up and buy a ticket.”
“God…I should man up and talk to my dad,” Bucky muttered and eyed his IPA. “My arm is better and I'll be able to play next season but I don't want to.”
“What's your goal?”
“I said my major was history but it's been a double major in business, in secret since I want to own a shop as much as I want to work in one. I want to move fully into that major and graduate with a degree and get it started, get my life in order and not have to worry about training camps and flunking out of prospect camps for the third year in a row.”
“You have been?” You accused and he shrugged.
“I get invited like every year but I always bomb and hope they won't invite me back,” he muttered and sighed. “It hasn't worked yet.”
“And I'm assuming your dad is the one who always insists.”
“He was a hockey player for a while as a kid, all the way through high school and university but dropped out to have me. I ruined his dream and so he put it all on me when I was old enough, shoved me out on a pair of skates before I could walk.”
“But you liked it at one point?” You guessed and he nodded.
“I loved it. I stopped when it was all about the next big thing, making it to the big leagues, getting that NHL contract and never having to work as anything else ever again,” he said and sighed. “This arm has been the perfect excuse to take a break, step back and reevaluate my life and what I want. I don't want to be the next big thing, I want to sit in a shop and fix up cars and make a name for myself in a way that keeps me human. I didn't feel like a real person when I was playing, just a machine.” He sighed and took a long sip of the IPA, eyeing the top of the can. “When I pushed myself that first game I was angry, another year of this and when I got hit and woke up in the hospital and they said I was done for the season…I wasn't mad…I was relieved.”
“You might've ruined your season but you saved your future,” you said and he nodded, smiling wide and appreciating how much you seemed to understand him. “You should tell your dad that, tell him you're done.”
“God…he'd kill me.”
“But it would be better than living a life you don't want. You have a future lined up for yourself and it doesn't include so why force yourself into one that does.”
“You don't know my dad…”
“I'll be there,” you said and his eyes widened. “Take me with you, let me be a buffer between you two.”
“Are you sure?”
“Jake never got to live his future, he died before he got a chance and I'm not about to sit back and watch as someone I care about loses out on his. You might not be dying but you're throwing away something you care about and I can't stand for that.”
“You care about me?” He asked, eyes alight with mischief and you rolled yours at the fact that that was what he took away from all of that.
“I do and I don't know why,” you shot back and took a bite of a shortbread as he rolled his eyes.
“I'm so god damn irresistible.”
“Not the I word I would use.”
“God, stop it,” he muttered and you chuckled. “But thank you. I'll talk to him, he needs to hear the truth before it's too late and he's been pandering to me about drills since I told him I was feeling better.”
“Perfect, this is the right time for an intervention.”
“It might be,” he agreed and chuckled, leaning back against the tree and opening a second IPA as you shifted the conversation to one about finals and the annoyance surrounding spring.
It was an easy existence between you and him, not really platonic but not together, hovering in that in-between that was forever so confusing. But you hoped that he'd get what he wanted out of talking to his dad and learn that there's more to life than parental expectations.
Going with Bucky back home meant returning to your childhood home and you had forgotten about that until you pulled into the driveway and saw the old steps and the yard that always felt too big. You eyed the front door of the house as you parked and Bucky got out, letting out a very loud sigh as you locked the car and wandered up to the front, keeping behind Bucky as he knocked.
“Is he home?”
“He must be,” he said and slowly began to step back, looking like he wanted to bolt but you stopped him, keeping a hand on his shoulder as a noise came from inside the house.
“Are you okay?”
“Debatable,” he said and sighed as the door opened and a man stood in the doorway with his eyes narrowed.
He looked a lot like Bucky with a head of dark brown hair and the beginnings of a beard but his eyes even though they were the same shade had a darkness that wasn’t in Bucky’s, he hadn’t acquired it and a part of you was happy his were still so bright. The man eyed his son, staring down at him from the top step with his arms crossed and dressed in a pressed black suit. Bucky had mentioned he switched to a law degree after he came along, getting it quick and entering a corporate world that didn’t stem the cynicism already there. You could see it in the way he looked at his son who had done nothing but knock on the door of his childhood home like he could even do that better.
“Dad,” Bucky began and the man nodded as he introduced you by name. “This is my dad, George Barnes.”
“Mr. Barnes is fine,” he said and you nodded, shaking his hand before the man moved so you could walk inside.
The house was exactly as you remembered but with nicer furniture and pictures of his life surrounding it and not yours since there were a few from his childhood, mainly of a younger Bucky in a hockey uniform with a bright smile on his face. He had no siblings, just him to hold the burden of his parents' upset dreams and you frowned at a photo of him and his dad, a hockey trophy in Bucky’s hand but his dad wasn’t smiling, he was just staring pensively at the camera like it had done something wrong.
The one behind it was much better and you shifted a few photos around to grab it since it depicted a young Bucky smiling, face covered in dirt as he sat atop a four wheeler. He looked like he was on top of the world and the 23 yr old version wandered over to stare at it, a smile on his face as he grabbed the frame from your hand.
“You look happy.”
“I was, my grandfather owned that farm, they sold it when he died. But I loved spending summers on that old bike, getting covered in dirt and free for two months of the year. No junior hockey, no expectations, just me.”
“You need to tell him,” you said and he nodded, glancing at his dad who had moved into the living room and was reading a paper. “I’m right here.”
“Right,” he said and squeezed your hand once before walking over and taking a seat on the couch as you followed. “Dad.”
“Yes, son.”
“I need to tell you something, that's why I’m here.”
“I figured you wanted money,” he said and Bucky chuckled, dryly, glaring at his father.
“No, I have some saved,” he said and his dad moved the paper to give him his full attention which you thought was generous considering what you knew about the man. “I want to talk to you about the future. I’m not going to spend the summer at another development camp.”
“Is the wrist still injured?” he asked and Bucky looked down at his left wrist that was in a tensor bandage and not a cast since it was doing fine after the last surgery.
“No, it’s fine. I’m not going…because I don’t want to.”
“Why not?” his dad asked and his eyes narrowed as he took off his reading glasses and leaned forward, looking like he meant business.
“I have realised over the past four years that I really hate hockey,” Bucky admitted and you caught the shift before it happened.
Bucky’s dad was all glares and pensive smiles before he snapped and tossed the paper on the floor so hard it sounded like a whip and made you flinch, Bucky moving closer. The man looked pissed to say the least, ears red as he glared daggers at a son that was betraying his trust in his mind. George Barnes lost his shot at the NHL when he had his son and while he loved him and didn’t regret the choice despite how young he was, he had always wished to have a kid who could make it back.
He only had one kid, just Bucky who had spent half his childhood on a rink and running drills, getting it beat into him that the only way to win his fathers affection was to win the game. Their relationship had become transactional and even the allowance he sent every month increased if Bucky scored during a game or the team won and his coach mentioned he did a damn good job. He got a thousand bucks when he was named captain and his dad even agreed to pay for half of his dream car, that glorious Ford Falcon Bucky treated like his own kid. Now George regretted all of it, not beating it into him more, not treating him like his father treated him, with all the love and affection shoved far beneath the glares and the hits he claimed would make him better.
“What?” he asked and you hated how angry he sounded.
“I don’t like it,” Bucky said and shrunk. “I don’t want to play anymore and I want to focus on my real degree.”
“History?”
“Business…I’ve been a double major this entire time and I want to use that degree to run a shop, make a name for myself in the city, not on the rink.”
“You’d throw it all away to be a fucking mechanic?” he asked and Bucky shrank even further, looking younger and you were half tempted to stand up for him.
“Yes,” he said and kept his voice level. “And I’m not throwing anything away, I’m choosing me.”
“Is this because of her?” he asked and looked at you as Bucky’s eyes widened.
“No…she’s a friend,” he said and you hated how your heart dropped. “She didn’t make this decision for me, I’ve just had a lot of time to reflect while being off and I realised how much I don’t like it…I want to watch, not play.”
“Jesus Christ James,” his dad muttered and sat back on a chair with a heavy sigh. “This was supposed to be my shot, you were going to get me to the big leagues.”
“No, I was going to play in the big leagues and you were going to be on the sidelines like always.”
“Now you’re choosing to walk away.”
“I walked away years ago,” he muttered and his dad laughed.
“Of course, all those failed development camps. I always wondered why you never made it. All it took was breaking that arm to get a little perspective.”
“No, all it took was someone to tell me that life is worth more than someone else’s dream,” he said and looked at you.
“Not a hockey player…not my son,” his dad said and Bucky’s eyes widened as yours did the same, sure you had heard him wrong.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“Did I?”
“I spent so long making you perfect for this career,” he began and Bucky glared at him. “I spent every Saturday at the rink, paid for coaches and fancy skates and hockey camps and every possible personal trainer that money could buy and you’re choosing to walk away from it all. You’re so close, this summer was going to be the one, your chance to get that last name on a jersey for a team that mattered. Go and be a mechanic all you want, but you’re cut off.”
“You can’t do that.”
“I can,” he said and frowned at him. “If you want to be something pathetic, be it by yourself.”
Maybe hindsight would have told you to stay quiet, to stay out of it and leave the family problems to the family but you couldn’t help it, the look on Bucky’s face as his heart broke was too much to bear.
“The only one being pathetic here is you,” you said and they both snapped their heads to look at you.
“What?”
“He's your son, not some toy you can use. You had him young and that's your own damn fault and not his so he doesn't deserve to have all this pressure put on him. He's just trying to make it in a world he assumes no longer has his back because he let you down. You've made him fight for your affection by being perfect and it's horrible, it's not a way to raise someone.”
“Oh and you know how to raise someone?”
“My father was a saint who encouraged his children to find their own dreams and not project himself onto them. They're not made for that,” you said and he eyed you. “Cutting him off because he's not you is the pathetic part about all of this because I'm damn grateful Bucky isn't you. He's worth it, he has a future that's guaranteed to be bright and you're full of shit.”
You looked at Bucky, another glance of assurance that everything would be okay but your heart dropped when you saw his face. Sure it was a lot to say to a man you'd never met till that moment but he was an asshole and you had to assume he knew that. But he looked at you like you wounded him on purpose, eyes alight with fury and you sank deeper into the couch, not as confident in your rant as you were before. Maybe it was too far and when George stood, pointing a finger towards the front door you were glad he didn't retaliate further.
“Go.”
“Of course,” you said and stood, running over to the front door and pulling on your shoes but Bucky didn't follow.
“I'll be out in a minute,” he muttered and you nodded, grabbing your coat and stepping outside as your heart pounded.
You wandered over to your car and sat in the driver's seat and hoped that everything would be okay, that he wouldn't hate you after that. It was a lot to say the least and you might've stepped over an already thin line. But Bucky was starting to mean a lot to you and your mind drifted to that New Years kiss that you should've done something about. Nat and Steve made it work, they ended up in bed like he predicted and had been going strong since. You liked that she was happy, she had her person back and had a sneaking suspicion yours kissed you at midnight without really meaning to.
You sighed, loud as Bucky finally returned and he walked over to the passengers side before pulling open the door and taking a seat. He didn't look happy or annoyed, just neutral and for some reason that was worse. He stared at his hands for seconds that felt too long and when you reached out a hand to see if you could offer some comfort he pulled his arm back as if you had tried to burn him.
“Bucky…”
“Save it,” he snapped and your face fell even further.
“Bucky…I’m sorry…I don’t know what came over me.”
“I said save it,” he said and you hated how he was looking at you, as if you were the root of all his problems. “I didn’t need you to jump in and make everything fucking worse. I had that handled, I was there to talk and you pissed him off even more.”
“I was standing up for you!” you said and he sighed, loud, rubbing a hand down his face.
“I didn’t need you to. He’s my dad.”
“Yeah and he’s an asshole,” you snapped and Bucky growled in annoyance.
“Yeah and now he cut me off, no money, nothing. He’s not mad, he’s furious and it’s all because of you.”
“He was going to make you do something you hate!” you said and Bucky frowned. “You told me you don’t want to play. Has that changed in the five minutes he yelled at you?”
“I don’t want to play but I also don’t want to lose my dad.”
“I don’t think you can do both,” you said and regretted it even though it was true as Bucky went still. “Do your dream Bucky. Focus on you and not what he wants. He’s trying to make you into him, make you into this perfect son by putting so much pressure on you but that arm, that arm is a chance to get what you want. You told me you were glad it broke, you wanted it to and cheered every time your leave got extended so what changed…what’s making your mind change?”
“The look on his face. He looked like I tried to kill him and now I don’t think he’ll ever talk to me again.”
“I’m sorry,” you said and got quiet, moving to stare at the door. “I know you're mad but anyone who gets rid of their son just because he’s not him isn’t a father. You deserve more.”
“And you shouldn’t have said all of that,” he snapped and turned, crossing his arms.
“He needed to hear it.”
“He called you an asshole, said I was an idiot for hanging around someone who’s that disrespectful.”
“Do you agree?” you asked and he looked at you and you hated how much he seemed to be hesitating.
“It was a lot.”
“I didn’t ask how much it was, I asked if you agree,” you said and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.
“You were a jerk…”
“Great…thank you.”
“Oh so you don’t think you were?” he asked and you looked at him, eyes narrowed. “You walk into the house of a man you’ve never met and tell him he’s full of shit in his own living room.”
“I did it for you, I saw the way you looked at him when he called you pathetic.”
“And how did I look?”
“Like you agreed,” you shot back and he went quiet, biting his lip and stepping out of the car. “Bucky…”
“I’ll grab a cab.”
“No, come on, don’t be ridiculous,” you said and got out of the car, walking over and grabbing his arm but he pulled it away. “Bucky…please.”
“I didn’t need you to stand up for me.”
“I wasn’t trying to…I just wanted you to know the truth, it’s what you do for people you care about…you make them feel as wanted as they are,” you said and sighed as he didn’t react much, just pulled out his phone and typed in a number. “I’ll see you.”
Bucky didn’t move to say goodbye, he didn’t offer a hug or a thanks, just a silent nod and you sighed, getting in the car and pulling out of the driveway of your childhood home and leaving him to stew on the front step. Sure it was a lot, it was arguably too much and you figured that George Barnes would never forgive you but what you told Bucky was true, he meant the world and you wanted him to know that he didn’t have to be the perfect son he assumed was his birthright. He could simply be himself and people would love him just as much as he deserved…you certainly did.
But maybe proving that, had also ruined everything.
New York City, Summer
Radio silence seemed to be the only thing on Bucky’s mind after your outburst towards his father and you had resigned yourself to never seeing him again as the days ticked by without even a call. It had been close to five weeks since you drove him home to see his dad and Bucky hadn’t even texted once, not to wish you luck on exams or to ask how life was, he was just quiet. It had started to get to you, you found the summer not as bright as it normally and as much as Wanda and Nat tried to get you out of the house, you refused. Days were spent inside, watching old Rangers games and wishing you had a reset button handy, that you never said those things, never tried to make him feel like he was wanted. But a part of you also didn’t regret it, he needed it and you were pleased when Steve told you he left the team, committed himself full time to that business degree and graduated that semester, a whole three months early. He was interning somewhere in the city while getting a mechanics degree on the side and seemed to be happy despite the lack of contact.
But if Bucky was going to be happy then you were happy, despite it all and your persistent roommates didn’t seem to understand that logic and were complaining again over a glass of wine late one summer evening on the roof.
“But you love him,” Nat said and you chuckled.
“Maybe I did.”
“You don’t anymore?”
“He won’t talk to me, he’s gone,” you said and sighed, sipping your beer as Wanda barked out a laugh, already two bottles of wine deep.
“Bullshit…that guy loves you.”
“He’d call if he did,” you shot back and she shrugged just as the door opened and for a second you hoped it was Bucky but it was only Steve, a smile on his face. “Hey, Steve.”
“Lovelies,” he shot back and you rolled your eyes as he kissed Nat on the head. “Oh…also…for you.”
“What is this?” you asked and grabbed the envelope as he smiled.
“A gift,” he shot back and you eyed him. “Not from me.”
“Okay,” you said and pulled it open, a VIP pass to a music festival in Central Park falling into your lap.
The festival was Indie Summers, that you had mentioned in passing during that Saturday afternoon picnic months back when you finally told Bucky about Jake and his list he never got to finish. You mentioned it once in passing and never in a million years thought that he’d remember it, much less buy you a ticket but he had and you unfolded the poster, spotting Rinkside as one of the headliners as your eyes began to wet with tears.
“Are you okay?” Steve asked and you nodded.
“Yeah…I just mentioned this festival ages ago and he remembered,” you said and noticed he had written a time to meet on the day of the festival on the back of the poster and a small note.
Maybe I can make it better. Or at least finish that list. -Bucky
“Rinkside will be there,” Steve said and you nodded. “God…Jake would’ve loved it.”
“I’ll see it for him,” you said and smiled as Steve nodded, standing to pull you into a tight hug.
You pulled back and put the lanyard on, the VIP pass coming to a rest against your chest and you sighed, smiling down at it and feeling it rest against your heart exactly where it belonged.
The day of Indie Summers had appeared and you met Bucky at the exact time he said outside the festival grounds on the southside of Central Park with a big smile on your face since it had been a while. You dressed for the main band you were there to see in Jake’s old Rinkside t-shirt and a hat you grabbed off their website shortly after he died. Bucky had gone all out himself, picking up a tank that showed off the fact that he was finally out of any cast or tensor bandage. All that remained of that faithful accident was a scar that stretched from the end of his wrist to just below the elbow and was a dull pink after so many months of healing. He looked happy to say the least, smiling wide as you came to a stop in front of him but it faded a bit, his eyes got darker and you raised a brow as he just pulled you into a tight hug, squishing you against his chest.
“Bucky?”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you said and he stepped back, shaking his head.
“No, it’s not. I was an asshole to you, you didn’t deserve it and instead of facing that I disappeared and assumed you just never wanted to hear from me again.”
“Never,” you said and he smiled.
“I see that now, I see what I would be missing and damn, what a sad life it would be.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, none of your rambles or how you scrunch your face at the screen when we watch the Rangers or the way you yell at the refs like they can hear you and hide behind the collar of your jersey like it’ll make it all better. I bought these tickets for more than just Jake, I bought them for you, you deserve to see that band even if he couldn’t.”
“I remember also mentioning it hadn’t been long enough, that I was scared,” you said and eyed an ad for the band on a far wall as you and Bucky scanned your passes at the front.
“Yeah but you have me here, I’ll always be here,” he said and you smiled, wrapping a hand in his and it widened when he didn’t pull away, he just held on tighter and bought you an IPA off a guy wandering around.
“God, I can’t believe after all these years I finally get to see them,” you said and rested your elbows on the fence before the stage since VIP also meant first row and Rinkside would be right there in front, like you had always dreamed.
“Maybe they’ll even play Jake’s song.”
“They stopped playing it awhile ago since it’s their first big hit, they tend to play all the new stuff from what I’ve read so I doubt it,” you said and he shrugged. “It doesn’t matter, just seeing the band is more than enough and I guarantee that Ethan is going to recognize me.”
“Maybe they’ll surprise you,” Bucky said and began to delve into a story about the shop he started working for and how much he was enjoying it more than history and hockey combined since he was finally free to be himself.
The way Bucky talked was lighter than he had before, chipper even and he seemed to have a bit more jump to his step when he walked like someone had plucked a weight off his shoulders that he had been forced to carry. He admitted that his dad really did cut him off and he hadn’t spoken to him in weeks and pretty sure he never would again and didn’t care that much. He didn’t need the man, he was free to be himself and have his own future and he kept smiling even when he was forced to squish a bit closer to you since the mosh pit had filled out in the hour since the place opened to the general public.
Your conversations had shifted from him to you and you felt his arm slide around your waist and he rested a hand on your hips and everything immediately felt a hell of a lot better. You laughed at a joke he made, his can resting just before his lips and leaned in a bit further, your right hand coming up to rest on his chest. It felt natural to say the least, like you were already a couple and you got close when you looked up, meeting his eyes and for a second the world stopped as your lips hovered a few inches from his and the temptation to lean in hit you like a ton of bricks. Bucky licked his lips, eyeing yours and you caught the lean in, the way he got closer but stopped when the crowd started to go wild and Rinkside appeared on stage.
“What’s up Central Park!!!!” Blake called and you turned, moving as his hands dropped from your side and the crowd roared. “We have a very special show planned for you guys but to start…we are going to pull it all the way back to about ten years ago when this band started. Now…I…Blake Anders used to be a Rangers draft pick, hence the name and about four years back we lost a future Rangers pick, this incredible young man named Jacob.” Your eyes widened and you turned to Bucky as he shrugged. “His sister is here and she let us know that Jake’s goal before he died was to catch us in person but I had some major vocal problems when he was dying and I never got the chance to fulfill that wish. But we’re here now, she’s here and thanks to a former Rangers wannabe, Bucky Barnes, he asked me to say that, we’re gonna throw it all the way back.” Blake walked forward and kneeled next to the stage, handing over a guitar pick and a new hat, signed by the whole band as your eyes began to water. “This is Goals and this is for Jake.”
You leaned back against Bucky, holding onto that hat like it was a lifeline and knew that Jake was watching from somewhere and he finally got to see his band play the song that changed his life. The entire concert was a dream, as Blake dedicated any song he could to all those who couldn’t be there and you spotted quite a few people in tears by the time they had rocked the place with their more upbeat numbers near the end. It was a dream to say the least and you and Bucky were wandering along the streets of the city you both loved as he came to a stop at the bottom of your apartment building.
“So…”
“Thank you,” you said and finally looked at him for the first time the whole way home. “That was incredible. I can’t believe you did that.”
“Jake deserved it.”
“I mentioned it once months ago.”
“Yeah but you mentioned it, of course I remembered,” he said and you rubbed at your eyes that wouldn’t stop watering. “Hey…don’t get all sad on me.”
“I’m not,” you muttered but felt it come through even more and let out a small sob as he grabbed your shoulders. “I’m just slightly overwhelmed.”
“Why?”
“Because I think I left that concert in love with you,” you said and his eyes widened as he stepped back and would’ve walked his way right into traffic if you didn’t grab his hand. “I’m sorry for that…don’t go and kill yourself.”
“Sorry…I was just…”
“Yeah…”
“You stole what I was going to tell you,” he admitted and you half debated following his lead.
“What?”
“Have you met…you,” he said and you chuckled. “No…I’m serious. That broken arm did more than give me a chance at my real dream, it led me to you. The second you called me out for wanting to use you as my good luck charm I was hooked. I wanted to know everything about you and more, to know how you ticked and what you did with your life and what you wanted to do with the future you had been awarded. I wanted to know you so well I could recite your life to anyone just because I loved talking about you and now…I feel I have this, it feels like my entire life started the second you took one look at me and I finally want to embrace this new future. The Thunderbolts might’ve not won the championship, far off, but I feel like I still won.”
“Bucky…”
“Cheesy I know.”
“No, damn perfect,” you said and grabbed the front of his tank and pulled him close, spinning the two of you around and slamming his back against the front door of the building.
“Wow…”
“Too much?”
“God no,” he said and surged forward, lips on yours before you could really figure out what was happening as he pulled you closer, arms wrapping around your back as he tangled his fingers in your hair.
You were practically welded together as he deepened the kiss and angled himself to get more of you, to feel more and sure it felt like you couldn’t even breathe but you could also care less. This had been a long time coming, a long winded semester of pining and you pulled apart, spent and breathing hard before resting your forehead on his.
“Wow…”
“Yeah.”
“Bucky…”
“Yeah?”
“That was a lot.”
“It was.”
“I don’t think it was enough though,” you admitted and he laughed, pressing his hands against your cheeks as you looked up at him, his eyes bright and lips swollen, a man spent.
“I could do that a million more times.”
“Make it a million and one,” you said and he chuckled, kissing you again, seemingly even deeper as a certain collection of roommates and one Steve Rogers cheered as loudly as they could.
Madison Square Garden, Fall
6 Years Later
“Welcome Rangers fans to Madison Square Garden!” the announcer said as you took a seat in the third row in a section right behind the bench. “We would like to welcome you to our Alumni Appreciation Game with a special appreciation for Jake, a former Rangers draft pick and a celebration of his life and love of hockey. Jake tragically lost his life close to fourteen years ago yet his love of the game and his story continues to inspire many young players and veterans of this incredible sport. Please enjoy the game and visit our alumni stand in Section 113.”
You smiled at Jake’s picture, blown up on the jumbotron and pulled off your signed Rinkside hat, kissing the brim and shoving it back on your head as a man you loved beyond belief, sighed and sank into the seat next to you. He handed over a can of an IPA that sponsored the team and you smiled, taking a large sip and stealing a nacho that he claimed was perfect and while he sounded annoyed, you knew he didn’t really care.
“Did I miss anything?”
“Just the welcome,” you said and he nodded.
“Good, I’m in charge of filming the warmup for Steve.”
“Ha, too bad for him that he can’t be here to see Joaquin with that A.”
“Yeah blame the new dad,” Bucky shot back and you shrugged, grabbing another chip as he pulled the plate back. “Hey, buy your own.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I get to steal all I want.”
“Why?”
“Because four years ago when a man said, in sickness and in health and she’s allowed to steal all your food you responded with ‘I do.’”
“I don’t remember that.”
“Too bad, I do,” you said and he rolled his eyes as you grabbed another chip and he let you, eyeing the ring on your left hand that he spent months picking out. “I’ll buy the second round.”
“Good, this beer is fantastic.”
“They really killed that new sponsorship.”
“Any insights?” he asked and you eyed him, knowing you couldn’t divulge any secrets despite the new gig as the head of media relations for the team. “I know…you can’t tell me.”
“No I can’t,” you said and stood, pulling off your jacket to reveal your custom made jersey, your maiden name and Jake’s birthday as the name and number on the back. “I also have to go.”
“Ugh…working our date night.”
“Always,” you said and leaned down, giving him a kiss and debating on skipping when he grabbed the bag of your neck. “Bucky…”
“Stay.”
“I can’t,” you said and he sighed, letting you go. “I’ll take the next game off.”
“You better,” he said and sighed when Sam Wilson appeared and stole your seat since you and Bucky had season tickets. “Great.”
“Good luck out there, rinkside reporter Mrs. Barnes.”
“Don’t piss him off too much, Wilson.”
“Oh I’d never,” Sam said and pulled Bucky against his side, grabbing a chip as you walked off and he groaned, loud enough for you to want to come back.
But you had a job to do and dropped your things off at the office, pulled a sparkly coat over the jersey and walked back out to the rink when the warmups were happening, spotting Joaquin among the players and Sam screaming his head off. You rolled your eyes, catching Bucky’s eye as well and he blew you a kiss that you made a show off grabbing before smiling and turning to the camera in front of you.
“Alright…and 3…2…1…you’re on.”
“Hello and welcome Rangers fans to your 16th game of the season as your New York Rangers take on the Minnesota Wild in a battle of wits for that coveted #1 spot in the league. This is also alumni appreciation night and as my buddy up top said at the beginning of the night, we’re here for Jake, my own brother and the best of the best,” you said and smiled, spotting Joaquin as he got closer. “Speaking of the best of the best, we have Joaquin Torres, #15 coming up to the glass to discuss the game and the grind. Why don’t we see what he has to offer?”
You spoke to Joaquin with a smile on your face, hearing his training stories and how much he loved playing with the team and credited his time with the NYU Thunderbolts and especially its old captain, James Bucky Barnes. He also claimed the guy left the sport years ago and runs a garage and has a damn cool wife that you pretended to be annoyed by. But the most important part was that he followed his dream and inspired Joaquin to follow his own and you were there for it all, from the beginning to now.
From a broken arm in that first game to catching his eye in a crowd at your dream job, he had been there for all of it and you wouldn’t change it for the world. For maybe in the end and despite your protests, you had become his lucky charm and he yours, for a million and one moments to come.
I just came back to tumblr recently, and I want to tell you that you're one of the few bucky pages that I first followed. I love your work, so don’t let those weird ass haters get to you!! You're the best 🥺🤍🤍
(I also really agree with what you said about her. I thought it was just me, but apparently, she makes everyone uncomfortable 😭)
Aww thank you! There are a lot of us who see her for what she is and others who just blindly like her because of her connection to Seb. Makes zero sense to me but whatever!!
I support his choices. Seb is not a baby, he is not stupid, he would know if she was using him for attention. He is a grown man, over 40, making his own personal choices. She was there because he wanted her to be there.
Stop trying to act superior because some fans support his choices, not cry on the internet because he got a girlfriend. I've always supported his girlfriends, I've always supported his choices.
Do you hate that we're not on the internet for hours and hours being misogynistic and calling her a bitch, a whore, a bag of bones, a fame whore?
I couldn't do that, you know? Then pretend that I hate misogyny and sexism!
If people like her because of him? They're talking well about a woman, but no, no, for you we have to be misogynists!!
I ALWAYS SAY: WOMEN'S BIGGEST ENEMIES ARE WOMEN THEMSELVES!
btw bucky sucks!
First of all your last line proves how not serious I’m taking your reply. Had to get that little dog in there cause that will hurt my feelings.
You assume that I’m one of the ones who flips out and calls her names on the internet? Well you’re wrong. I’ve never called her a name, never attacked until I saw her post. And all I said was how horrible her post was. And it was.
I’m allowed to express how I feel. Never called anyone misogynistic so please don’t put words in my fucking mouth. You’re obviously upset about what other people have said and are pushing everything on me. Well go fuck yourself on that.
I’m just tired of having to see her and all the praise of her when it’s not about her, it’s about him. But nope people gotta make sure she is praised too. ITS NOT ABOUT HER! Never will be about her. And I’m not going to because someone’s fan just cause the person I am a fan of is her significant other.
Again read what I wrote. Never tore her down, never name called, just called out her behavior. You gotta problem with that… sounds like a you problem.
Sebastian “fans” make me laugh. You claim to love him but support someone who literally made his special night all about her.
You only like her cause she’s with him. But she’s only with him cause she got the attention she craves. You swear she loves him but didn’t tag him, didn’t mention him, posted a picture of half his face, and made his picture the last slide. Yea that’s someone who loves their partner and not the attention. 🙄
Mist Series - Book 1 Chapter 3 - Betrayal at the Top
Summary: time jump. Melanie’s mother starts to make her move to improve her organization. No matter what Hydra thinks.
A/N: last time we’ll see WS for a bit, but he will definitely be back!
- -
18 years old
Over the next eight years, every summer, Melanie would be forced to go to Hydra, be experimented on, and train with the Winter Soldier. During these experiments, she was given more and more of the same serum the soldier had been given.
"Continue with small doses. She’s becoming more and more lethal. She will be ready to go out into the field with the Soldat soon. Prepare her," the general said.
Every time she would return the Winter Soldier had already been wiped and would not remember who she was. Though she still had soft feelings for him, he would never again call her child or be as protective as he was that first year. He continued to train her on hand to hand combat as well as several weapons, including double swords, which became her specialty.
The agents of Hydra continue to abuse her at every turn. Though she didn’t look it, she was super human strong and decided to bide her time before she could finally return the favor to the agents. In the meantime she took what they gave her which included physical and mental abuse.
Finally it was time for her first mission with the Soldat. They would be assassinating a high US official who was getting too close to uncovering Hydra's secrets within the US government. Melanie was loaded up with her swords and a few different size guns. She followed the soldier out to the point of contact and silently waited.
Her heart was pounding from terror. Terror of not doing it right, terror of actually killing a person, and terror of if she didn't succeed what would happen to her dad and sister. The soldier ignored her most of the time until the official showed themselves. He used his sniper skills to injure the man while Melanie finished him off with her swords. She felt a huge wave of relief and guilt all rolled up into one.
She started to cry as she walked back to the soldier. He watched her curiously before turning away in disgust.
"Come, we need to go before you get us caught," the soldier sneered as he walked back toward the motorcycle they road here.
After that mission she went on several more with the soldier and even started taking point on them until she was ready. They named her "Mist" because she was light on her feet and you couldn't see her coming.
The soldier continued to be cold with her as he could never remember her. It broke her heart that she didn’t even have him to lean on. He trained her and went out on missions. Sometimes when they locked eyes she saw the same softness she did as a child. It made her think maybe he did recognize her. Though she had grown so much.
When her mother came to pick her up she informed her that she would not be returning to Hydra again, unbeknownst to them. Now that she had established herself as a threat, she would help her mother train others so that their organization will grow.
"Together we will become bigger than Hydra or SHIELD could ever imagine. We will take down anyone who stands in our way," Martha said.
"Mother I don't think that is wise. They will send the soldier out to hunt us down if we don't comply," Melanie argued.
"You do as I say. Remember what's at stake for you. Hydra won't risk you injuring their precious soldier, so they will leave us alone until we are big enough to battle it out."
Soon people of all ages were lining up to be apart of this organization. She didn't know what promises her mother made, but knew she had to train all of them like she was trained. None of them had the serum like she did, but they all wanted a chance to get out there and do her mother's bidding.
"You're training them well. I'm proud of you daughter. Keep going. Soon I will have a mission for you and you will have your choice of who goes with you," her mother said.
The thought of going back out there to kill for her mother left a nasty taste in her mouth, but again to protect the ones she loves, she will do what she must.
She will always follow her mother's rules. Her father and sister's lives depend upon it.
---
It should get more exciting from here, I hope anyway.
Priya wants to have a pissing contest and you almost lose more than your best friend.
Word count 2.9k
Warnings: Priya and the Vrellnexians, canon level violence
Who knew that it only took one text message to ruin your day? You’d woken up that morning feeling a little lighter than the past week. Your departure from the compound had weighed heavily on your conscience, and every night as you closed your eyes in bed, you wondered if you had done the right thing by leaving. But this morning you felt different. It was the first day you would start at Coulson Academy. It was still a while before the start of the new school year, but May had decided that you might be more comfortable as a TA before leading your own classes. It would give you time to get to know the students and find your feet before being asked to swim in the deep end.
Spending the morning analyzing artifacts with Dr Benson was thrilling and gave you a warm nostalgic feeling which was rudely interrupted by your ringing phone. "Sorry," you muttered as Benson looked at you with a frown. He hated modern technology and their incessant distraction.
"Just read it." He rolled his eyes.
You picked up your phone and unlocked it, eyebrows shooting up. The source of your correspondence was unexpected.
Priya << Hey, can we meet please? I want to talk to you.
>>>> When were you thinking?
Priya << I finish my shift at 1pm. I can come to the compound.
>>>> I’m at Coulson Academy today.
Priya << Fine, I’ll come there. Send me the address.
Her curtness and commanding tone made you roll your eyes, sending back the address of a coffee stand in a nearby park. You felt uncomfortable inviting her to your new haven.
"Trouble in paradise?"
"What?" you jump, surprised by Dr Benson’s attention.
"Relationship issues?"
"I don’t… I’m not in a relationship."
"That’s exactly how my husband used to look at me every time I pissed him off."
Your face softened when Benson mentioned his husband. You knew he had lost him a few years ago and blamed himself for his death.
"My friend’s girlfriend wants to have a chat, apparently."
"Hmm… still sounds like trouble in paradise to me," he responded thoughtfully.
"Not my paradise," you shrugged.
"No," he smiled knowingly, saying nothing further.
*
You sat on a bench opposite the academy, waiting for Priya to arrive. Uncommon Ground was the name of the coffee stand, it usually made you chuckle, but today you felt too apprehensive and jittery. The large latte you’d ordered wasn’t doing anything for your nerves. There was something in the air that made your skin crawl, it was charged with anticipation and your nerves were on edge. But you chalked it all up to your anxiety about the topic of conversation that Priya was going to raise.
She arrived in a whirlwind of style and class. There was a reason she had been promoted at such a young age, she oozed confidence and charisma. And to top it all off, she was stunning. You could see why Bucky was attracted to her, she was elegance personified. Normally you didn't criticize yourself too harshly but your defenses were low and you found yourself feeling dowdy and drab in comparison.
Why would Bucky be with you when he had someone who looked like that? You thought mournfully.
"Hey, Priya," you greeted her with a forced smile.
"Hey, Cricket, thanks for meeting me," Priya replied, taking a seat beside you with her own cup of coffee.
"No problem, what’s up?" you asked, trying to sound casual.
Priya took a deep breath before speaking. "I wanted to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind for a while now."
Your heart sank. You knew what was coming. "Go ahead, Priya."
"I know this might be difficult to hear, but I’ve noticed that you have feelings for Bucky," Priya said, her voice gentle but firm.
You felt your cheeks flush with embarrassment and a hint of anger. "I-I don’t know what you’re talking about," you stammered, avoiding Priya’s gaze.
"Come on, Cricket, I’m not blind. I can see the way you look at him, the way you light up when he’s around. And I can tell that he means more to you than just a friend," Priya said, her eyes searching yours.
You swallowed hard, feeling exposed and vulnerable. "Look, Priya, I'm not trying to come between the two of you. You're right, I do love him, but nothing is going on between Bucky and I. But he is still my best friend. And what you did on his birthday, that was…" You couldn't find the words to express how hurtful it had been.
Priya sighed, she knew what she had done. "I appreciate your honesty, Cricket. But I need you to understand that Bucky’s my boyfriend. I love him, and I want to make things work between us."
Her response made you grit your teeth and bite your tongue. She was marking her territory and you hated it. "You don't need to make this a pissing contest, you've already won. You know that, right?" Your voice was flat and emotionless.
"What do you mean?"
"Bucky doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And I moved out of the compound. So he's all yours."
"I didn't want it to be like this, you know."
You scoffed.
"Why didn’t you tell him how you feel?" Priya’s question was unexpected. "I mean, you didn't suddenly develop your feelings overnight."
You were about to open your mouth to attempt an answer, when a loud thump caught your attention. Your head spun around to see a giant cockroach destroying the park. The sound you had heard was that of a tree crashing to the ground. You recognized the creature as a Vrellnexian, a ferocious species native to the planet Kitson. They had been bred for war and you’d seen them during your trip to the future in the Lighthouse. They were vicious and ruthless and hungry for blood. But what was this creature doing here and now?
Grabbing your phone, you found Steve on the list and pushed down the speaker. "STEVE! Alien attack! Vrellnexian! Need back up! Red Oaks Mill. Back up would be-" Your eyes went wide as the Vrellnexian turned its attention to you. "Shit," you muttered, your finger slipping off the mic and you pushed Priya out of the line of fire. The beast had decided to throw a trashcan in your direction.
"Take cover," you hissed in her ear, helping her up to her feet and pushing her in the direction of the coffee stand. You stood and turned to face the vicious alien, taking a few steps forwards to get its attention away from a group of terrified teens. "Hey, cockroach!"
It turned to you with a growl, raising its pincers menacingly. Taking a deep breath, you braced your nerves and took a few steps forward. The Vrellnexian was fast, faster than you remembered, attacking with speed and agility. It missed by mere millimeters as you dropped under him and rolled to a defensive position, eyes immediately back on the alien, which had twisted around towards you. You looked up at its face, trying to decipher its features, but there was an unmistakable sneer which made your fists clench with rage. You sprung up with a spinning kick that was aimed at its chest but it was able to grab your leg and used your momentum to fling you across the grassy open.
You scrambled to your feet, desperately, launching an attack without waiting to recover. You pushed yourself into its middle, propelling yourself forwards and knocking it off balance. The Vrellnexian stumbled back and you pressed your advantage, launching yourself onto its shoulders and locking your legs around its neck in a triangular chokehold. Both of you crashed to the floor where you grabbed the dangerous pincers and wrestled with it.
A shout from someone nearby caught the creature’s ear for a brief second, and you put all your strength into your powers and pushed the alien off you. Flipping yourself off the floor, you put your concentration into forming a blade with your abilities, long and sharp, you forced it through the Vrellnexian’s chest as it recovered and charged towards you. It stumbled backwards as your weapon impaled its chest. Slowly, but surely, the beast twitched and weakened, sinking to the floor. You sank to your knees, gasping for breath, trying to recover your strength.
"Jamie!" Priya’s voice called out from behind you.
You turned in her direction and followed her gaze over to the parking lot where Bucky and Steve had jumped off their bikes.
"Better late than never," you mumbled, suddenly feeling anxious about coming face to face with Bucky, his presence was unexpected.
Priya rushed to your side, emboldened by the floored Vrellnaxian. "Jamie! Over here!" she called, falling to notice the way the fallen beast’s eyes opened.
You gasped as it reared up, pincers poised to strike. Without thinking, you grabbed Priya’s arms, pulling her away and shielding her body from the attack with your own. It was instinctive, you didn’t have time to ponder your actions, you just moved, moved right into the path of the sharp curved claw which ripped into your side.
A scream didn’t even have time to leave your mouth before you’re on the floor, moaning and gasping for breath. Your vision felt blurred and a searing pain shot through your whole body. And as you stared up at the clear blue sky, you felt grateful for the people in your life, the experiences you'd had and relationships you'd forged. As you lay on the floor contemplating what you considered your inevitable death, time seemed to slow down. Your only real regret was the way things had ended with Bucky, and oh how you longed to see his face one more time. You would tell him how you felt. The moment your best friend came into your mind, his face appeared above you.
"Cricket! Cricket! Can you hear me?" Bucky's voice echoed in you ears
A tiny smile crept across your face and you opened your mouth, but there was no sound. In fact, the sky didn't look as blue as it did a few moments ago. You were pretty sure that no storm had been predicted, but there was a gray cloud creeping in on you from all sides.
*
Bucky and Steve raced over to you, both of them screaming your name. Bucky all but ignoring Priya’s whimpering attempts to grab his attention. He fell to his knees and scooped you up into his arms, calling your name urgently.
"Cricket! Look at me. It's Bucky, I'm here." He held you close to his chest, shaking you gently to get you to focus on him.
Your eyes were open but you were far away from him. He couldn't lose you, not now, not like this. Not when everything between you was left unsaid. Not when the last thing he had said to you had been so cold and dismissive.
"Cricket, please." He was begging, pleading for you to stay with him.
Steve was on his phone, calling for medical help. He had his phone in one hand and his other was clutching yours. He hated how cold and limp it felt. You were losing blood dangerously fast.
"James," Priya whispered from the side.
Bucky turned to her, finally acknowledging her presence. "Help her! Please! You're a doctor, help her. I need her. I need you to help her."
He looked at Priya with pure, unadulterated desperation, blue eyes beseeching. Priya looked back, her mind processing the events that had just unfolded before her. But fear seemed to have paralyzed her, her eyes flicking back and forth between Bucky and the conquered Vrellnexian.
"It's dead." He cried, referring to the alien. "Please don't let Cricket die. She saved your life. You can't let her die." Bucky tugged your listless body away from the dead alien. He grimaced as his actions left a smear of blood on the grass. "Please?"
Hesitantly, Priya knelt down beside you. She took a few deep breaths to calm herself and focus. There was nothing out of the ordinary, she told herself. It was just another day in the OR and you were just another patient. She stilled her racing mind and examined your wound, fingers probing the inside of your torso for the source of bleeding.
Bucky hadn't let go of you at all since the time he had arrived, holding you tightly to his chest, whispering words of encouragement in your ear. He had no idea if you could hear or understand him, but he was going to do everything he could to care for and comfort you until you were better. In his mind, there was no other alternative. He refused to believe that you would leave him all alone in the world.
"Cricket, I got your gift. It was so beautiful. Please wake up, I need to say thank you. Please, Doll."
If Priya heard his words, she didn't react, focusing on her only task: to save your life.
*
The paramedics had to pry you out of Bucky’s arms to take you to the nearest trauma center. Steve had steered him into the ambulance. He and Priya got into the car Natasha had arrived in, following to the hospital. The paramedics wheeled you into the ER looking incredibly irate, and it was obvious to Steve that his friend had been very obstructive during the journey.
Nat hovered by you closely as the surgeons assessed your injuries, stabilizing your vitals and prepping you for the OR. She sent a ream of messages to Steve's phone by way of updating him and Bucky.
"Bucky, let's get you cleaned up. There's a restroom right there. At least wash your hands." Steve pointed to a door a few feet from where they were sitting.
Bucky scowled at this oldest friend before proceeding to wipe his blood stained hands on his jeans.
"James?" Bucky looked over at Priya. "Why don't we wash up a little. I'm sure that Cricket doesn't want to see you covered in blood when she wakes up." She took his hand and led him to the restroom, helping him get cleaned up.
Bucky watched as his girlfriend scrubbed your blood from her own hands, then his. She took a paper towel, ran it under the tap and wiped his face gently. He watched her tenderness, guilt burning inside him and feeling trapped. How had managed to get himself in a situation where he was going to hurt someone he cared about, regardless of the choice he made?
"You love her, don't you?" she asked.
"What?"
"Cricket."
Bucky blushed, not knowing how to answer.
"You know what I don't understand?" Priya went on, without waiting for a response. "Why you've been going out with me all this time?"
He swallowed hard, lost for words as to explain what he had been feeling. "I do like you."
"But you love her."
"I thought… I didn't think she…" Bucky let out a frustrated sigh. How could he explain his actions?
"Did you even try telling her how you felt?"
Bucky's face betrayed his embarrassment, making Priya scoff.
"No, of course not. I've been fighting a losing battle for the last six months."
"What?"
"You only started dating me because you didn’t think she liked you back."
Priya’s words hit Bucky like a ton of bricks. He had been so caught up in his own feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection that he hadn’t even considered the possibility that you might feel the same way about him.
"I messed up, Priya," Bucky finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I hurt her, and I hurt you. I don’t know how to fix this."
Priya reached out and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You can start by being honest with her, Bucky. Tell her how you feel. She deserves to know the truth."
"Why’re you helping me?"
"Because I did something I’m not proud of."
"My birthday gift?" Bucky asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yeah, I overhead Cricket telling Steve what she got for you and… I’m sorry."
He clenched his fists, hearing her admission. But what right did he have to be angry? He had been the one to put Priya in that position, to feel that she had to compete for his affections. He had no one to blame but himself. "But why?" he asked.
"That day I found you guys were sleeping together-"
"We didn’t have-
"I know! But that intimacy you guys have… that’s what I felt like I needed to fight for," Priya admitted. "She saved my life today."
"Thank you for helping her."
"I took an oath," Priya shrugged.
The previously happy couple stood awkwardly in the public restroom, trying to figure out what to say to each other.
"I guess we should go back out," Bucky pointed at the door with this thumb. "Just in case."
"I think that… it should be you."
"Me?"
"You should be the one who’s there when she wakes up."
"What… what does that mean for… for us?"
"That’s up to you, James. Do you love her?"
"Yes." Bucky answered firmly, he had never been more sure of anything else in his life.
"Then I think you have your answer." Priya sighed. "Goodbye, James."
Priya pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving a dumbfounded Bucky alone leaning against the basin to process what had just happened. His sadness and regret was replaced by hope and the thought of you. He gasped, he needed to go back out and find out what was happening to you.
Summary: Melanie heads to Hydra. Hydra begins training and experimenting.
A/N: some WS in this chapter but most next chapter. Very short chapter with this one.
---
All she can do to not freak out is take deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth. Hydra. The word bouncing around her head and she didn’t know who they were but if her mother was involved it wasn’t going to be good.
Her mother brings her to a base in Siberia. The cold wind whips around making her chilled to the bone. Or was that just nerves. She gets taken in and placed in a cell, her mother not even saying goodbye. It’s not until later she learns her mother sold her to Hydra to train and do what they want. The thought terrified her.
They drag her to a medical room where they do a physical before starting different experiments on her. Each one hurting more than the last. She tries to escape but they just laugh at her.
"Little flower trying to run from Hydra, how can one child be so stupid," one agent said as he threw her into her cell.
One experiment in particular she remembers was so painful she thought she wouldn’t survive. She screamed at the top of her lungs hoping to get some reprieve, but the burning kept going. Her veins burning as they injected a small amount of something into her.
"Only give her the serum in small doses. We don't want to kill this one. She has promise to be a great assassin," the general ordered.
She passes out quickly from the pain, waking back up into her cell. Then she is dragged to a wide room where a tall man with long hair is standing and waiting. They force her to fight him, though she is easily beaten.
"Soldat, you shall train this child in all aspects of combat. When she is older she will one day be out there assisting you," they told him.
This process continues for weeks as she continues to get stronger. The Soldat, as he is called, starts training her in hand to hand and weapons as well. He calls her child and for some reason she doesn't mind.
"You're improving. Keep going or else they'll hurt us both," he tells her every day.
She learns to actually care about the man who has soft blue eyes hidden behind his hair. Melanie likes to think he’s protective of her also. When ever they come to fetch her he stands between them and her until they show no harm.
"I will not let them harm you, child."
After several weeks her mother eventually shows back up. She learns this will be a regular occurrence every year until Hydra is ready for her to go out and assist the Soldat.
When her mother sees how Melanie's body has started to change into a warrior's body she is nothing but ecstatic. Her plan to grow her organization round her daughter is starting to take shape. One day she'll be stronger than Hydra and SHEILD. But for now she will play nice with Hydra as they turn her daughter into the killing machine of her dreams.
---
Short chapters so I hope you don't mind. Also I don't know if I'll be doing any taglists for this. But I haven't decided.
BEAUTIFUL PERSON AWARD! Once you are given this award you're supposed to paste it in the asks of 8 people who deserve it. If you break the chain nothing happens, but it's sweet to know someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out 💞🌺💞
Summary: Melanie Stakes aka Mist looks like a normal person to the outside world. What no one but her and her mother knows is that she is a secretly trained assassin who is being forced to do the bidding of her mother to save the life of those she loves the most.
A/N: I’ve had this idea for along time. I hope you like it. Eventually Bucky will be involved but that won’t but mostly not until book 2. Each book will be probably like 5 chapters or so. Maybe more maybe less. Depends. Enjoy!
--
When Melanie Stakes was born to Martha and Sean Stakes, no one but her mother knew what her future would be. As soon as she was able to walk, Martha would take her to “mommy and me class” when really she would bring her to her organization, “Renown” to start training her to be an expert assassin.
Her father didn’t realize his wife was the head of this secret organization. Thankfully when their second daughter Ashley was born Martha didn’t do the same to her. Thinking her too weak. Melanie didn’t want to be an assassin, but with her mother threatening to kill her father and sister, she knew she had no choice.
---
10 years old
“Again until you hit the bullseye every time!” Yelled Martha.
Pop,pop,pop,pop. Melanie once again fired off 4 shots from her little 9mm gun.
“What is wrong with you? Stop being incompetent and hit the damn bullseye!” Martha yelled.
“I’m doing my best mother,” mumbled Melanie.
“Well when you lose your father and sister then tell yourself that,” threatened her mother.
A chill ran through Melanie as she reloaded, aimed and fired, hitting the bullseye each time. She smiled at her mother waiting for praise.
“What are you smiling at girl? It took you too long to get it done. You must get better. You know what’s at stake.”
Melanie lowered her head in shame and then nodded. "I'm sorry mother. I promise I'll do better."
That night you're having family dinner pretending to be the happy family you know your not. It kills you having to lie to your father about everything. The fact that he has no idea who he is married to and had children with breaks your heart. He is just to kind and trusting.
"So Melly, how was school today?" your father asked.
Before you got a chance to respond with another lie your mother stepped in. "I got a call from your teacher that you are not putting in enough effort and that you are about to fail."
"Melanie that's unacceptable!" your father said loudly.
You once again bow your head in shame. "I'm sorry daddy. I am going to do better. I promise. I won't let you down," you say.
You feel the small hand of Ashley in yours. You look at her and she gives you a small smile.
"Can I go to the special school Melly goes to?" she asks your parents to change the subject somewhat.
"Absolutely not," your mother says. "We were lucky to afford her being there. We cannot afford you as well Ashley. Besides you're doing well where you are," she says.
Ashley, only 7, looks disappointment and removes her hand from yours. You lean over as your parents start to talk.
"Don't worry Ash. My school sucks. You don't want to go there," you whisper making her laugh.
You smile and look back toward your plate and notice your mother's glare. You knew you were in more trouble now.
---
When summer was coming, your father and mother agreed to send you away to summer camp. You were almost excited that you could have a normal summer when you remembered who your mother was.
"You should be excited because you are about to be trained by the best assassin in the whole world," she said happily.
You were confused not knowing who she was talking about.
"You're going to Hydra. You're going to be trained by the Winter Soldier."
--
Hope you are all as excited for this as me. I know I'm tagging Bucky stuff but it's because eventually this will turn into a Bucky x OC fic. You just gotta be patient. Hope you like this!
I’m contemplating writing a series that would be separated into almost like a book series. It would eventually turn into a Bucky x reader series but not for awhile.
Synopsis is the OC is named Melanie but goes by Mist. Her mother is in charge of a secret assassin organization and sells her to hydra to train with the winter soldier. Then steals her back to make her the best assassin in the organization.
Mist doesn’t want to kill but her mother threatens the life of her little sister and father who means everything to her.
This will eventually join into the MCU at CA:WS and goes all the way through into TFATWS.
Sharon Carter, of all people, manages to knock some sense into your favorite super soldier.
Word count 2.8k
Warnings: Sharon Carter and her brutal honesty, Bucky Barnes and his ignorance
Bucky returned from his mission physically unharmed, but his conscience didn’t let him off so easily. Sharon was a great partner, but she wasn’t you. She was very business-like but cold. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her, but he couldn’t quite open up to her the way he had with you. Bucky wondered if he would ever be able to bare his soul to another human being again. He had given so much of himself to you, was it too much to ask for just a little in return?
Why had you forced him to take just drastic measures? Why did you force him to choose? Why didn’t you love him back? There were days when he could see love in your eyes when you looked at him, but the voice deep inside Bucky that always told him he was undeserving, had him believing that all he saw were his own feelings reflected back at him. He would never have dared to think that you would have been so selfish as to deny him of someone who would love him in return. His thoughts constantly revolved around you, plaguing him long into the night and affecting his sleep.
He couldn’t deny it, he missed you. He felt like a part of himself was missing. Without you by his side, life seemed empty. He reflected on how he didn’t feel that way when he was away from Priya. Perhaps he should, especially after he had confessed his love so publicly to her. Bucky sighed heavily. Had he been too rash? You were always so kind, so selfless, so giving. He would never have entertained the notion that you had nothing to give him for his birthday. Even if he didn’t have your love, he knew he had your friendship. What had gone wrong? You had once told him that all you wanted for him was peace and happiness. Right now he felt neither.
He craved your company, he longed to hear your voice, coveted the warmth of your embrace. But his anger and sense of betrayal had been overwhelming. Why wouldn’t you let him be happy? He couldn’t have you and you wouldn’t let him be happy with someone else. Bucky tightened his grip on the controls of the quinjet.
"Barnes, I got to say, I knew you had a reputation for staring, but I think you’re taking this to a whole new level." Sharon interrupted his thoughts.
"Sorry?" Bucky looked at her with surprise. He had all but forgotten that Sharon was sitting next to him.
"If you grip those controls any tighter, we're going to plummet to our deaths."
"Oh," Bucky released his grip on the handles.
"What's going on with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"You look like you haven't slept in a week."
Bucky shrugged.
"So why isn't Cricket here with you?" Sharon probed, continuing despite Bucky's sullen silence. "I mean she clearly wasn't busy with other things."
"Stark calls the shots, I don't know what he’s thinking." Bucky lied through his teeth, knowing full well that he had requested Steve to assign him a different partner.
"So nothing going on between you two?"
"Nothing going on? What does that mean?"
"Oh come on Barnes, I know you’re ancient, but you can’t be that clueless. Everyone thinks you were sleeping together!"
Bucky’s eyes were practically popping, he was utterly speechless.
"They what?"
"But you have a girlfriend now. Is that why Cricket resigned?"
"SHE WHAT?" The plane jolted slightly
"Watch it, Barnes!" Sharon shrieked.
Bucky straightened up the quinjet before speaking. "Cricket resigned?" he asked, as though he couldn’t quite believe what he had heard.
"You don’t know? Wow, how badly did you fuck her?"
"We didn’t…"
"Oh, so she’s leaving because you wouldn’t fuck her, is that it?"
"Sharon, what the hell is wrong with you?"
"I’m just curious!" she shrugged before prattling on. "I can’t see why else she would be leaving such a great position… unless, did you knock her up?"
"For fuck sake Sharon, nothing happened with me and Cricket. We’re just friends."
"Well maybe it should happen then. The way you two look at each other is sickening."
"You know what, this is the reason no one wants to work with you." Bucky grumbled.
"Because you’re too afraid to hear the truth. I’m just telling it like it is. She looks at you like she wants you to fuck her."
"Sharon, I’m warning you."
"Ooooh, Mr America, Cap’s best friend is warning me! What’re you going to do, spank me?" Sharon replied in a mock sultry tone.
"Shut up, Sharon."
Sharon let out a barking laugh, but said nothing more, leaving Bucky more to think about than before. How dare you resign without telling him? Surely it was something someone discussed with their partner. How does someone dump their partner without so much of a word? The small voice of conscience in his brain, your voice, screamed, ‘didn't you do the same?’ He had requested a new partner on this mission because he was angry. He remembered the look on your face when he had left for this mission. Bucky could tell you had wanted to speak to him, but he hadn’t given you the opportunity. The rational part of his brain told him that you had made many attempts to speak to him.
Bucky's mind was a whirlwind of emotions as he tried to process everything that had just been thrown at him. Sharon's words echoed in his head, taunting him with the possibility that maybe he had missed something between him and you. Had he been blind to your feelings all this time? Had he been so consumed by his own insecurities and doubts that he had failed to see what was right in front of him?
He couldn't shake the feeling of regret that washed over him. Regret for not being more attentive to you, regret for not being more open with you, regret for not realizing sooner that maybe, just maybe, you had feelings for him too. The thought of you resigning because of him made his heart ache with guilt. How could he have been so blind?
Bucky's thoughts raced as he tried to make sense of everything. He couldn't deny the fact that he missed you, that he longed for your presence, that he yearned for the connection he had with you. Sharon's words had struck a nerve, awakening a realization within him that maybe, just maybe, he had let something special slip through his fingers.
As the quinjet continued on its course, Bucky's mind was consumed with thoughts of you. He couldn't shake the feeling that he had made a mistake, that he had let his own fears and insecurities cloud his judgment. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you, of losing the one person who had always been there for him, who had always believed in him, who had always seen the good in him.
Bucky knew he had to make things right, that he had to find a way to reach out to you, to apologize for his blindness, to make amends for his mistakes. He couldn't let you slip away without a fight, without at least trying to salvage what was left of the bond between you.
As the quinjet landed, Bucky's resolve hardened. He knew what he had to do. He had to find you, he had to talk to you! With a determined look in his eyes, Bucky stepped out of the quinjet, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead in his quest to win back the one person who had always held his heart.
"Buck," Steve put his hand out to stop Bucky marching off as soon as they disembarked from the plane. "Where're you going? We need to debrief."
"It can wait." Bucky shook off Steve's arm.
"Bucky, this is important."
"I don't care, Steve." He shouted over his shoulder as he made his way towards the compound's living quarters.
Sharon stopped beside Steve. "He's got it bad."
"What happened, Sharon?"
"He realized he's an idiot."
Steve frowned at her.
"Cricket." Sharon rolled her eyes. "Are all of you clueless?"
"Sharon, Cricket isn't here."
"Well, someone's going to have to tell him that."
Steve sighed. "I guess we could reconvene in an hour or two."
"Great, I’m off to take a shower!" Sharon waved at Steve and wandered off.
Meanwhile, Bucky had started sprinting towards your rooms, practically knocking over a couple of new agents who had been getting a tour around the compound. He arrived on the floor where your rooms were situated feeling out of breath and extremely nervous. He had no idea what he was going to say, having not quite thought things through. Frowning slightly when he noticed that your door was slightly ajar, he skidded to a halt. You had to be inside, you often left your door open. You always said ‘everyone was welcome’. Your warmth extended to everyone you met, every single member of the team opened up to you, confiding their secrets. You had such a beautiful openness about you, it was so easy for anyone to fall in love with you, even a broken centenarian with a cantankerous demeanor and suffered from post traumatic stress.
Bucky took a deep breath, he still didn’t have the right words in mind, but he knew he wanted to see you, just a glimpse of your smiling face. He hadn’t seen it in a while, and he knew he was the cause. He had been so angry about his own choices, blaming you for having to make them, that he hadn’t stopped to think about how they affected you. For someone who claimed to love you, he had been incredibly selfish. It was almost an epiphany to Bucky, finally dawning on him that he had forced you to adapt to his choices rather than discussing them with you. He was the one who was too cowardly to share his true feelings for fear of losing you, and his behavior had led to him losing you anyway.
Softly, he knocked on your door, which swung open slowly. The sight before Bucky almost broke his heart. Your room was empty, all the things that bore your unique signature were stripped away. He stumbled inside still breathing heavily. What had he done?
"Cricket!" he called out loudly at first, as though you were hiding behind the remaining furniture, before whispering desperately. "Cricket."
Bucky collapsed on your bed, turning to the toy white wolf you’d left on your pillow. A white wolf, that was his moniker. He remembered seeing you choosing it at Coney Island and had been so blinded by jealousy that he hadn’t noticed your choice. You had always chosen him, systematically and consistently put your faith in him, given him your unwavering trust. Why had he been so quick to dismiss you on his birthday? Why hadn’t he returned your trust? He clutched the plush toy against his chest, burying his face in the fur and breathing in deeply, it smelled of you. He knew you had held it just as he was doing now. He wished it was you that he was holding, oh to be able to bury his face in your hair. He missed how you stroked the back of his neck when you comforted him.
Finally Bucky took his nose out of the small wolf and looked around with tear stained eyes. They landed on the thin, still wrapped vinyl record on your bedside table. The beautifully printed card was carefully taped to the edge. He ran his fingers over the flowery card with his name stenciled across the front, he could tell you'd made it yourself. He slipped his finger in the gap where the wrapping paper met and opened it with ease, unveiling the first edition Glenn Miller album which had been produced back in the 40’s. Bucky sniffed as he ran his fingers over the record before picking up the card to read your message.
"Dear Bucky." He could hear your voice in his head as he read your words.
"Happy birthday to my best friend! I hope this day brings you all the joy and happiness that you deserve. I wanted to take this opportunity to remind you of the love that surrounds you, both from your past and present.
"I know how much your family meant to you and how much you miss them every day. That's why I got you this Glenn Miller vinyl, the last song you danced to with them. I hope that when you listen to it, it reminds you of the love that they gave you and the memories you shared together.
"But I also want you to remember that you are not alone. You have friends who care about you deeply, who are here for you no matter what. We may not be your blood family, but we are your chosen family, and we love you just as much.
"So on this special day, I want you to know that you are loved, Bucky. You are cherished, you are valued, and you are important. And I hope that as you listen to that vinyl, you feel the warmth of the love that surrounds you, both from your past and present.
"And may you always remember that you are not alone, that there is someone out there who cares for you more than you could ever know.
"With all my love, Cricket."
He couldn’t believe the depth of your love and care for him. How could he have been so blind to it all this time? How could he have pushed you away when all you wanted to do was show him love and support? Bucky felt a wave of regret wash over him, realizing the mistake he had made in letting you go.
He sat there on your bed, clutching the record and card to his chest, tears streaming down his face. He had never felt so lost and alone, knowing that he had driven away the one person who had always been there for him. The weight of his actions weighed heavily on his heart, and he knew he had to make things right.
"Buck?" Steve’s voice broke through Bucky’s maelstrom of guilt and self flagellation, making him look up at his oldest friend. Steve sat down beside him, putting a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder. "Look, you have time to fix this. Do you have any idea how much Cricket loves you? She's always been there for you, and you just pushed her away without even giving her a chance to explain," Steve said sternly.
Bucky nodded, wiping away his tears. "I know, Steve. I messed up big time. I was just so scared of ruining our friendship if I told her how I really felt."
"Well, now’s your chance to make things right. Apologize to Cricket and tell her the truth. She deserves to know how you feel," Steve urged.
"What… what am I going to do about Priya?"
"Tell her the truth."
"I don't want to hurt her."
"Bucky, you can't keep living a lie just to spare someone's feelings. It's not fair to either of them. You need to be honest with yourself and with them. It may be difficult, but it's the right thing to do."
Bucky took a deep breath, nodding in agreement. He knew what he had to do. He had to apologize to you and tell you how he truly felt. He couldn't let fear hold him back any longer.
He stood up, determination in his eyes. "Thanks, Steve."
Steve gave him a reassuring smile. "I believe in you, Bucky. You can do this."
There was something about the way Steve spoke, he had a way of inspiring people. Bucky had seen that since they were kids. He couldn’t think of any other reason as to why he would have followed the scrawny kid from Brooklyn down every dark alley. He was grateful for Steve’s unwavering friendship and the honesty in his opinions. "Did she tell you how she felt?" Bucky asked. "Why didn’t you tell me?"
"Buck, it’s not my place to talk to someone else about their feelings."
"You don’t think it’s too late, is it?"
"You won't know until you try."
Steve's words didn't instill hope, but he was right, all Bucky could do now was try his best.
"Do you-" Steve stopped as his phone vibrated. He pulled it out to see a message from you flashing up. "Hang on, it's Cricket."
"What did she say?"
Steve frowned, you never sent voice messages. You always said you hated the sound of your voice. He pressed play apprehensively.
"STEVE!" Your voice was loud and urgent over the speaker. "Alien attack! Vrellnexian! Need back up! Red Oaks Mill. Back up would be- shit" They caught your muffled curse before the message stopped.
Steve and Bucky took one look at each other and leapt up off your bed, running towards the door.
Steve tries to convince his oldest friend that he is making a mistake.
Word count: 666
Warnings: Bucky being dumb and oblivious.
Steve found Bucky hidden away in the gym the next morning. He cornered Bucky while he was aggressively curling his biceps with a couple of dumbbells.
“Buck?”
Bucky ignored him, focusing on his weights in his hands.
“Bucky, will you stop for a minute?”
“What, Steve?” he snapped, face softening slightly after seeing Steve’s disappointed expression.
“Bucky, what’s going on with you and Cricket?”
“Nothing, nothing‘s going on with me and Cricket.”
“What happened to your birthday gift?”
“Which one?” Bucky moved to the punching bag, motioning to Steve to secure it for him.
“You know what I mean.” Steve held the bag securely in his hands as Bucky put his weight into the first punch.
“She didn’t get me a gift,” he grunted, throwing his fist at the bag again.
“What?” Steve was surprised by his response. “Cricket. I was talking about Cricket.”
“Yeah, so was I,” he answered, punching the bag again.
“Bucky, didn’t you talk to her in the kitchen? I saw you follow her there. Didn’t she explain?”
Bucky stopped punching the bag, his chest heaving with exertion. He looked at Steve, his eyes filled with uncertainty and conflict. “Yeah, she explained exactly what she thought.”
Steve frowned, not understanding Bucky’s responses. He watched Bucky’s expressionless face as he repeatedly struck the bag he was holding. He knew his best friend well enough to know that things hadn’t gone well between the two of you. “She didn’t tell you about-”
“She was perfectly clear, Steve. She made it crystal clear about how she feels about Priya, and I’m done. I’m done trying to act like everything’s normal. She’s constantly judging her, making me feel like Priya isn’t good enough for me. What does she want from me?”
Steve could see the pain and frustration in Bucky’s eyes as he continued to vent his feelings. He knew that your feelings towards Priya were causing a strain on your relationship, but he also knew that Bucky loved you deeply.
“Buck, Cricket loves you.”
“Then why doesn’t she support me?”
“Bucky, are you really this dense? Do you really not see what’s right in front of you?”
Bucky rolled his eyes. “What’re you talking about Steve?”
“Cricket loves you, Bucky. She supports you in her own way. Are you too blinded by your own insecurities to see it?”
Bucky scoffed. “She has a funny way of showing it.”
“Bucky, maybe you should talk to Cricket again. Try to understand where she’s coming from.”
“I’ve tried, Steve. I’ve tried to talk to her, to make her see things from my perspective. But she’s so stubborn, so set in her ways. She just can’t accept that Priya is a part of my life now.”
“Bucky, maybe it’s time to make a decision,” Steve suggested, desperately. “You can’t keep living in this limbo, caught between two people you care about. You need to figure out what’s truly important to you.”
“Don’t worry Steve, I made my decision.”
Steve frowned. “What do you m-”
“Oooh, so is this where the boys wonder are hiding these days? Cap,” Sharon interrupted the conversation, nodding at Steve before turning to Bucky with a small smirk. “Sarge.”
“How’re you Sharon?” Steve asked amiably.
“Stark sent me down here with this intel, he suggested we check it o- hey!” Sharon exclaimed as Bucky snatched the mission brief from her outstretched hand.
He flipped open the file, balancing it on his vibranium palm, scanning the printed words and wiping the sweat off his furrowed brow.
“Buck?” Steve questioned.
“I’ll take this one.”
“You and Cricket?”
“No, I’ll go with Sharon. You don't need to get Cricket involved.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Now why don’t you let me finish up here and I’ll join you,” Bucky glanced pointedly at Sharon, “in the hangar bay in two hours.”
Steve sighed, staring at Bucky’s back for a few moments before following Sharon out of the gym, knowing that he wasn’t going to be successful with his conversation today.
You and Bucky deal with the fallout of the undercover mission.
Word count 3.3k
Warnings: reader coming to terms with Bucky's decision, trying to move forwards, betrayal, more miscommunication, anger, Bucky Barnes acting like a giant tool, Daisy Johnson and Melinda May make an appearance
The next morning you woke early, determined to carry out your plan. Slipping out of the compound, you drove out of the parking garage in one of the convertibles with the top down and wind blowing through your hair. It was freezing cold and you knew it was reckless because it looked like the heavens would open at any minute, but you didn’t care. You arrived at Coulson Academy just as several large raindrops started to fall, and you sniffed slightly from the cold air. Putting the top up, you got out of the car and ran for shelter under the large awning of the Academy entrance.
"Ugh!" You stopped to flick off the water from your jacket.
You jumped out of your skin. "Jeez, May! Why do you always have to lurk around?"
"Wasn’t lurking. Just waiting for you."
"How did you know I was coming?"
"I heard about what happened."
"Steve?" you asked.
"Romanoff."
Of course it had been Nat. She knew everything that happened, she knew exactly what you would do. Maybe you ought to have talked to her before leaving.
"Why didn’t you stop me?" you asked.
"Because I knew you needed to make this decision on your own," May replied calmly. "And I knew you would come here eventually."
You sighed, feeling a mix of relief and anxiety. "I don’t know if I’m making the right choice."
May placed a hand on your shoulder. "There is no right choice here. You need to take care of yourself for once, instead of putting everyone else’s needs before yours. Teaching at the Academy is something you would be good at. You have so much to offer, and… I believe in you."
You looked up at her, grateful for her support. She wasn’t one for heart to heart conversations, preferring to ignore her emotions altogether. "Thank you, May. I just wish it didn’t have to end this way with Bucky."
May gave you a knowing look, she knew exactly how you felt without you having to explain it to her. "Sometimes things don’t work out the way we want them to. But that doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. You have a bright future ahead of you, and I'll be there to help you every step of the way."
"Can I stay with you for a while?"
May rolled her eyes, "fine."
You wrapped your arms around her in a quick hug. "You’re the best. I love you."
*
Natasha was waiting for you when you returned, lounging across the hood of one of the Porches, filing her nails.
"Tony won’t be best pleased if he sees you like that."
"I’m not too worried about Tony. I have more important things on my mind."
"Yeah?" you asked, knowing full well where the conversation was going.
"What happened last night?"
"Didn’t Steve tell you?"
"Rogers?" she scoffed. "He has no idea what he’s talking about half the time."
You looked around for signs of anyone nearby. The risk of having someone overhear your conversation was making you feel very uncomfortable. Natasha pulled you into a secluded corner with a view of the rest of the garage and gave you a very pointed look requesting that you spilled the beans. But somehow the words you wanted to choose made the problem seem trivial. So instead of telling her about all the events that had transpired, you kept it simple.
"He chose her. Apparently there isn't enough room in his life for both of us," you shrugged.
"Steve told me what she did." Your gaze snapped to Nat’s face, but her returning expression was angry. "I don’t understand why you didn’t tell him."
"It’s my word against hers, Nat. I have no proof that she took my idea. What am I supposed to say? His reaction last night proves that he doesn’t trust me." You sighed dismally.
"Do you need me to beat some sense into him?"
You smiled sadly at your friend.
"Sweetie, you need to tell him how you feel," she continued.
"I think it’s too late for that. I’ve made my decision."
"I can’t do anything to change your mind?"
"Please Nat," you pleaded. "This is hard enough."
She put her arms around your neck, leaning her forehead against yours. "But I’ll miss you."
"I’ll miss you too." You wrapped your arms around her waist, pulling her into a tight hug, trying not to let the tears start falling again. Eventually you pulled away, steeling yourself for the next step; telling Steve and Tony about your resignation.
*
As you made your way back into the compound, you caught sight of your best friend in the gym. He was pummeling a punching bag like he wanted to murder it.
You gathered every ounce of courage within you and approached Bucky, desperate to reconcile and recapture the bond you once shared. But as you reached out to touch his arm, he recoiled, his eyes blazing with a mixture of anger and hurt.
"Bucky, please. I’m sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way-"
"I thought I knew you, but I feel like I don’t know you anymore," he said, his voice laced with sorrow. "I know how you feel about Priya-"
"Buck-"
"I can see it in your face. But I never thought you could be so spiteful."
Your heart, already shattered, fractured further still, and the tears you had held back cascaded down your cheeks. Your friendship, once unbreakable, seemed irretrievable. Bucky turned his back on you, leaving you broken, lost in a sea of regret and longing.
*
After drying your tears, you found Tony and Steve in the common area, deep in conversation. Taking a breath, you approached them, your voice steady but filled with emotion. "Tony, Steve, I need to talk to you both."
Tony looked up, concern etched on his face. "What's wrong, Cricket?"
You hesitated for a moment before speaking. "I... I need to resign from the Avengers."
Tony's eyes widened in surprise. "What? Why?"
You took a moment to gather your thoughts before explaining. "I could make up some logistical excuse but you'll both know it's a lie. It's... it's because of Bucky. I can't continue to work alongside him knowing how I feel and knowing that he's with someone else. It's too painful for me."
Tony and Steve exchanged a knowing look before Steve spoke up. "We understand Cricket. We've seen how hard this has been for you. But are you sure this is what you want?"
You nodded, tears threatening to spill over. "I can't stay here and pretend everything is okay when it's not. I need to take a step back and figure things out."
Steve placed a comforting hand on your shoulder but he looked like he was at a loss for words. So he took the professional route of comfort. "You're a valuable member of the team."
"Stay, we can find you another partner." Tony stood up, coming over to you. "I can’t just let you go without a fight."
You smiled weakly, grateful for their understanding. "Thank you, Steve. And thank you, Tony. But I just need some time to myself."
As you turned to leave, Tony called out to you. "Hey Sport, if you ever need anything, don't hesitate to reach out. We're here for you."
You nodded, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. It was time to focus on yourself and your own happiness, even if it meant leaving behind the life you had known as an Avenger. And maybe, just maybe, you would find a way to move on from Bucky and find your own path to happiness.
You'd barely taken three steps out of the common room before Steve caught up with you. "Have you spoken to him?"
"If you call ‘him telling me he doesn't even know who I am and then storming off’ speaking, then yes. I don't understand how this happened, Steve. I thought nothing could get between us."
"He loves you." Steve stopped in front of you.
"Not anymore. He hates me."
Steve couldn't help but feel frustrated by how his two best friends could be so oblivious.
"Look Steve, I'm sorry, I know Bucky’s your best friend. You don't need to hear me bad mouthing him." You stepped around him, making your way back to your room.
"Cricket, you're my friend too." Steve chased after you.
"Then will you help me pack?"
Steve sighed, he would never refuse anyone’s request for help. "Of course."
*
It hadn’t taken you long to pack your things into boxes. Your clothes weren’t difficult to shove into suitcases. Your wardrobe wasn’t extensive, having learned to live out of small spaces for many years, material things weren’t quite on your list of necessities. You had let Tony decorate your walls to his taste and you’d been pleasantly surprised at how good he was at guessing your tastes. However, you’d decided not to take these things with you when you left. It was time for you to make your own home. It was going to be a new challenge, you’d been involved with large institutions ever since you’d left home, and had never had to create a home for yourself before.
You turned to face Steve, Sam, and Nat, who were all standing in your room, looking at you with concern in their eyes.
"Come on, sugar cakes. Isn’t there any way we can convince you to stay?" Sam asked.
"I appreciate the sentiment, guys, but I need to do this," you said, zipping up your suitcase.
"Cricket, you’re too valuable a member of the team," Steve said, stepping forward.
"You know that’s just not true, but thank you for saying that. But I just can’t stay here knowing that Bucky’s mad at me," you replied, feeling a sting in your chest at the thought of leaving your best friend behind.
"Bucky will come around, he always does," Sam chimed in, trying to reassure you.
"I don’t think so, not this time. He’s really upset with me," you said, feeling tears welling up in your eyes.
Nat walked over to you and put a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Cricket, you can’t just leave because of this. You’re stronger than that."
You shook your head, wiping away a tear. "I can’t stay here, Nat. It’s too painful."
"We understand, but we don’t want you to go," Steve said, his voice filled with emotion.
"I know, but I have to do this. Please, don’t tell Bucky I’m leaving. I need to do this on my own terms," you pleaded, wondering if Bucky would even notice your absence.
The three of them exchanged a look before nodding in agreement. "Okay, we won’t tell him. But promise us you’ll keep in touch," Sam said.
You nodded, feeling grateful for their understanding. "I promise. Thank you, guys. I’ll miss you all."
You were the last to leave your room, the others had carried your things to the van you were borrowing from the garage. You sighed, you would miss the luxury and convenience that came with being a member of the Avengers Initiative. There were only a few things left in your room; the wolf plushie Steve had won you at Coney Island, you later realized that it reminded you of Bucky, and the still wrapped gift you had bought for Bucky, the card you’d written him still stuck to the top. There was no reason to take those things with you, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to throw them away. You decided to leave them on your bed. The next owner of the room could decide what to do with them.
On your way out, you ambled past the hangar bay, spotting Bucky in full tactical gear prepping for a mission. You had no idea that he had been assigned to something.
"You have a mission?" you blurted out, causing Bucky to turn to you.
"Yes." His voice was monosyllabic.
"Alone?"
"No."
"No, with me." Sharon materialized suddenly.
"Oh, hey Sharon. I hope you guys are safe out there."
Bucky looked back at you, a fleeting look of regret crossed his face, before he turned and walked away. He didn’t waste any time requesting a new partner, you thought. Just when you thought he couldn’t hurt you anymore. At least he would be safe with her; Sharon was a good agent, she would watch his back, that’s what mattered the most.
As you walked out of the compound, you felt a mix of sadness and relief. It was time to start a new chapter in your life, even if it meant leaving behind the Avengers and the man you loved. You knew it wouldn’t be easy, but you were determined to make it work. And maybe, just maybe, one day Bucky would understand why you had to go.
*
Your friend, Daisy Johnson stopped by for a visit just after you had moved into your new apartment. You hadn’t seen her for a few years, since she had decided to travel the stars with her sister, Kora and now boyfriend, Daniel Sousa. She had insisted on coming over to your place, since May had insisted that you find your independence.
"So tell me, what’s the deal with your love life?" Daisy enquired after her third glass of wine.
"What love life?" you asked, sarcastically.
She laughed, "oh come on! You’ve been living in a building with all those Avengers! You can’t tell me that it’s all completely innocent!"
"Hey, just because you fell in love with your first S.O.!"
"Ouch! That’s a low blow! It’s not my fault Ward turned out to be a HYDRA psychopath!"
"No, he was out of this world."
"Literally!"
Both of you laughed, despite the pain that was associated with the memories of the parasitic inhuman who had infested and possessed the corpse of your dead traitorous colleague and used his body to control other inhumans. Sometimes there was nothing else to do but laugh.
"So, are you telling me that you haven’t gotten any sex since you moved in there?"
You shrugged.
"Not even Bucky Barnes? Like have you seen him?" Daisy had always expressed her attraction to your favorite super soldier, but she stopped as she noticed the change in your expression. "What is it? Did something happen with him?"
"No," you shook your head.
"Then why did you leave?"
You shrugged.
"Come on, spill. May wouldn’t tell me. But it’s got something to do with him, right?" Daisy scrutinized your face, coming to sit beside you. "Did he hurt yo-?"
"NO!" you responded before she had the chance to finish. "Not like that."
"But he did something."
"Bucky’s my best friend." You said, not being able to muster enough enthusiasm into your words for them to be believable.
"But?"
"We just clicked, you know? Right from the start. It was like we were made to be partners. We could share everything with each other, we knew what the other person was going to do in the field without even discussing it. But outside of that too, I felt like I could share anything with him. I even told him about…"
You didn’t have to explain yourself further, Daisy Johnson was the only other living person in the world who knew about the sexual abuse you had suffered as a teen. You had never told a soul when you had been an adolescent, fearing that you wouldn’t be believed, which had led to a lifetime of shame and a stigma of being seen as broken. But secrets often come out, whether you want them to or not. And during a mission, the man who had been responsible for your trauma was involved. Eventually your secrets had surfaced, no matter how deep you buried them, but Daisy had been there for you.
"But I thought there might be something more between us, something… as hard as I tried… I couldn't deny - I was… am in love with him."
"You are?"
"I never told him how I felt. I was afraid of ruining our friendship. But it feels like fate had other plans and he started dating Priya. I was happy for him, of course, but deep down, I couldn't help but feel … jealous.
"And as his relationship with Priya went on, I just found myself feeling more and more envious. I couldn't stand the thought of someone else being with him, especially when I knew how I felt. But I kept my feelings to myself, not wanting to cause any trouble." You sighed.
"What changed? What made you leave?"
"Bucky's birthday. I spent weeks planning the perfect gift for him, something that would show him how much he meant to me. But before I could give it to him, Priya just swooped in and stole my idea, presenting it to Bucky as if she had come up with it on her own.
"Bucky was thrilled with the gift, but when he turned to me expecting something from me, I- I didn’t know what to do. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that Priya had taken my idea, so I stayed silent. Daisy, he was so angry and hurt, thinking that I didn't care enough about him to get him a gift.
"In the end, he chose Priya over me, believing that she cared for him more. He said he loved her based on something I came up with! And I tried to apologize and explain, but he didn't … doesn’t want to hear it. He said felt like he never knew me, like our friendship had been a lie. Now he doesn’t even want me in his life!"
Daisy put her arms around your neck, pulling your head onto her shoulder. The wine had loosened your tongue and talking through what had happened was helping you to truly understand what had happened.
"I can’t believe this bitch!" Daisy muttered in your ear. "Want me to quake her for you?"
You let out a watery chuckle. "I just feel so alone. I know that it’s my own doing, I could have told him how I felt. I could hardly blame her at first, she had no idea. But now…I fucking hate Priya for coming between us, for stealing my chance at happiness with Bucky." You scoffed at your own words. "You know, deep down, I knew that it was my own fear and jealousy that had drove us apart in the first place. I let my feelings get in the way of our friendship, and now I’ve lost the one person who means the world to me." Talking to Daisy had given you time to take stock and really process what you had lost.
"So what’re you going to do now?" Daisy asked.
"What am I supposed to do, Daisy?"
"Let him cool off and try again!"
"And say what exactly? Take me back as your friend? I’m in love with you? He clearly doesn’t feel the same way, so what am I achieving other than getting hurt watching him being happy with someone else?"
"You could come with me, Kora and Daniel. We’re heading back off-world next week."
"And watch you and Daniel making those lovey-dovey faces at each other all day? Thanks, but I think I’ll pass."
"So you’re just going to teach? With May?"
"Yeah," you shrugged. "Teach and wallow about my sad, loveless life."
"You know I love you, right?" Daisy pouted at you.
You laughed, "yeah, I love you too."
Once Daisy left, you continued to think about Bucky. You missed the easy camaraderie you once shared with him, the way you could finish each other’s sentences and laugh until your sides hurt. But now, there was a distance between you that seemed insurmountable. Bucky had made his choice and you were left to pick up the shattered pieces of your friendship. You wondered if he ever truly understood how much you cared for him, how much he meant to you.
Bucky's surprise birthday party provides more surprises than you had hoped.
Word count 3.2k
Warnings: Birthday boy behaving badly, Priya is the warning here!
Erik’s sexual intervention had released you of the tension you felt whenever you were around Bucky and you realized that his birthday was quickly approaching. You made it your mission to start working on Bucky’s birthday party. The previous year he had flat out refused to let you throw him any festive gathering and you had only accepted that on one condition: he would get one this year. You had no intention of letting him wheedle his way out of it this year. He had begrudgingly agreed but only if it was something small and intimate with his friends only.
You had given Bucky a withering look. "Trust me! I know you well enough. You’re going to like it. I promise!"
You felt like a kid in a candy store, who had been given the keys to Willy Wonka’s entire kingdom. Glee was written across your features, you wanted everything to be perfect for your best friend. Steve was your trusty accomplice and you had invited Priya into the fold as a way to make up for your misdemeanors. She had suggested that you order food from Sticks and Stones because he loved the food there and even convinced Victor to help with the catering.
A week before the auspicious day, you had pulled Steve aside to ask him if he would accompany you to pick up Bucky’s birthday gift.
"Did you find it?" Steve asked you.
"The Glenn Miller vinyl?"
Steve nodded.
"Yeah, I found it! It’s in a vintage records store in SoHo." You smiled.
"Bucky’s going to love it. His family would play them all the time, he was such a natural dancer. It would be nice for him to do that again."
"I’m glad it’s got Captain America’s seal of approval!" you quipped cheekily.
Steve rolled his eyes, feeling relaxed and happy for once. "Do you want to go and pick it up now? I’ll drive. I can pick up my gift at the same time!"
"Oh that would be great, Steve! What did you get him?"
"You know that picture you took, the one of Bucky, you, me, Nat and Sam?"
"Yeah, I know the one."
"I painted it. There is a guy who said he would frame it and he texted me this morning saying it was ready to collect.
"Steve! I can’t wait to see it!" you squealed with excitement. "Let’s go!"
Both of you set off, climbing the stairs that led to the parking garage.
"Oh, Priya, hey! Didn't see you there!" you smiled at her as you noticed her presence at the top of the staircase.
Priya smiled back at you tersely.
"Everything okay?" Steve asked.
"Fine."
"Do you need a lift home?"
"No, I'm spending the night with Bucky."
"Ahh," Steve blushed at the implication of sex.
You rolled your eyes and tugged on Steve's sleeve. "Come on, punk. See you later Priya!"
*
March tenth came around quicker than expected. You waited impatiently for Bucky to arrive as his 'surprise’ party. Even though Priya was distracting him, Bucky knew about the events that had been planned. You knew he didn't like loud noises or jump scares, but he had promised to act suitably surprised.
Everything for the party went off without a hitch. The room was filled with dozens and dozens of black and gold balloons. Swing music was playing on the gramophone that Tony had purchased for the occasion. Sam cheekily had a cardboard cut out of Bucky made with his vibranium arm cut off so you could play ‘Pin the arm on Bucky’. You groaned but secretly you wanted to beat everyone.
Thor had made an appearance and was already half way through the bucketful of Asgardian ale, which he claimed to have brought for the birthday boy. Even Ayo, who you'd invited, had graced you with her presence. When she arrived, you flung your arms around the reserved Wakandan warrior. The Dora Milaje did not engage in public displays of emotion, but for you she offered a hug in return.
Things seemed to be going well. Bucky arrived with Priya and was greeted with yells and streamers. Bucky's surprise was convincing… possibly a little too dramatic, making Priya laugh and you groan exasperatedly. You stood on the side of the room watching everyone mingle, enjoying how Bucky's attention was demanded from everyone in the room. His friends were kind enough not to crowd him, or overwhelm him, but also make him feel special all at the same time.
It warmed your heart to see the light in his eyes, the enjoyment on his face. Priya was glued to his side, stroking his hair, whispering in his ear. His arm was constantly around her waist. She was the only thing that marred your perfect vision of the event.
"I am surprised that James chose that woman," Ayo appeared beside you, seemingly out of nowhere.
"Jesus, Ayo. We've talked about you sneaking around. Don't make me tie a bell around your ankles!"
Ayo smiled. "Why isn't that you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Why haven't you told James how you feel?" Ayo doesn't wait for your reply. "It could be you dancing with him rather than standing here looking like a wallflower."
"Maybe you could dance with me."
"I think not, Y/N." Ayo never used your nickname.
"Way to let a girl down gently, Ayo."
Ayo just rolled her eyes at you and ventured over to Thor who was challenging everyone to a drinking contest, one which no one was engaging in. Steve was beside him, sipping the liquor carefully enjoying the buzz he rarely got to experience. Wanda and Vision were lovingly embraced in each other's arms in a corner, dancing like the rest of the world didn't exist. Nat was behind the bar serving her own special cocktails and flirting with a blushing Bruce. Clint and Laura were laughing with Pepper, while Tony, Sam and Rhodey were playing cards and making the most outrageous noise.
You loved your little found family, even though you missed the one that brought you up. Coulson's S.H.I.E.L.D. team had inducted you into the world of violence and espionage and aliens and time travel. It was with them that you'd learnt to control your powers and become worthy to call yourself an Avenger.
Agent Melinda May was the only member of the team you saw regularly anymore since she worked close by in the new S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy HQ. She had been your S.O. for many years and held a special place in your heart, despite her prickly exterior. She often joked that you would make an excellent addition to her staff at the Academy and to ensure that you lived long enough to accept the position when retiring from ‘that Avenger gig’.
You were brought out of your reverie about the past by Priya, who was standing on a chair shouting about it being time for presents.
Everyone cheered and you were grinning like a lunatic now. You felt excited to give Bucky your gift. The first edition Glenn Miller record was safely wrapped in a solid casing. In the Mood was the last song that Bucky and his family had danced to while he had been on leave from the War. His last happy memory of them before he had fallen from the life he had known, before he had been thrust into a world of ice and torture.
About a year ago, you had caught Bucky using your Spotify to listen to music from his childhood and had offhandedly mentioned this piece of information about his past. You kept hold of this precious tidbit for the right occasion.
Bucky had already started ripping open wrapping paper when you ventured over. Wanda had knitted him a black scarf with golden threads to match his arm, which had made him smile. Next Sam handed him a small black box which Bucky opened to find a pair of fluffy pink handcuffs.
"Thought you could use some props, spice life up a little," he winked at Bucky. Sam had a way of pushing Bucky's buttons, but you could see the mild blush on Bucky's cheeks which deepened when Priya interjected.
"Thank you very much, Samuel, but James and I don't need such tawdry things in the bedroom."
Bucky shrugged apologetically at Sam and you wondered if he was thinking about your recent conversation.
Sam was pushed aside by Thor, who deposited a large vat of ale into Bucky's arms. "Many happy returns, metal man." He patted Bucky on the back so hard that Bucky almost dropped his gift.
Bucky was depositing the alcohol on the gift table when he was approached by Ayo. "Happy Birthday, James."
"Thank you for coming, it means a lot that you took the time."
"You look like you are doing well for yourself."
"Yeah, it’s good," Bucky smiled.
"This is for you." She handed him a simple box with padding on the inside. Bucky opened it to find a pair of ornately decorated blades made from vibranium. Everyone gasped at how beautiful they looked in the dim lights. They collapsed in on themselves and were discrete and easy to conceal. Ayo pointed out a small device which acted like a homing beacon so Bucky would be able to locate them if he lost sight of them.
"These are incredible! Thank you."
Tony didn't have many words but he did hand Bucky a beautifully ornate envelope which Bucky opened tentatively. Inside was an invitation to a magnificent moonlit dinner on a yacht on the Hudson. Bucky held the gift reverently in his hands, his vibranium fingers barely gripping, as though their strength might make the gift crumble. His eyes glistened in the party lights, a thin film of unshed tears. There had been a time where they were ready to kill each other, and even now they never spent any time alone together. You knew that this gift meant a lot to Bucky.
"Dinner on a boat? I think we'll have to pass on that, I get sea sick." Priya commented, gazing at the gift certificate around Bucky's arm.
A flicker of irritation crossed Tony's face, before he grinned mischievously. "Not a problem, it's not person specific. Manchurian Candidate here can take anyone he likes. Capsicle might not be a fan of the food, but I think Cricket would really enjoy the cuisine."
He turned to wink at you, making you blush. You couldn’t help but notice the scowl on Priya’s face, no matter how short lived it was and you knew you were about to meet your comeuppance when the glowering look she was shooting in your direction turned into a beaming smile.
"Jamie! It’s my turn, baby. I have a very special gift for you!" She hands him a thin square shaped gift wrapped in shiny golden wrapping paper. "Here!"
You felt a sudden weight on your chest, a feeling of dread washing over you. It felt like things were moving in slow motion, watching Bucky unwrap the gift. You didn’t know what you had been expecting when he pulled out a shiny record cover. It was as though someone had poured a bucket of ice water over you, except you were paralyzed. The color drained from your face as you realized what the album was.
‘The Very Best of Glenn Miller.’
Bucky’s eyes shone brightly as he dropped the wrapping paper and ran his flesh fingers over the cover reverently. "Priya," he gasped in a whisper. "I- it's perfect." Bucky wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into his chest and giving her a long, passionate kiss. "I love it! I love you!"
You barely noticed Steve sideling up to you, you couldn't hear him asking if you were okay. That was your gift. It was yours! If you didn’t have the vinyl you’d bought and so lovingly wrapped in your hand, you’d think she had stolen it from you. It felt like you couldn’t breathe, every attempt you made felt futile, like the air around you had left the room. He had shared the same things with her, you thought he trusted you with his past, but you weren't as special as you thought you were.
Eventually you looked up when Steve put a gentle hand on your shoulder. He whispered, almost as though his words he was about to use were criminal. "Do you remember when we were talking last week? Before we went to pick up our gifts? You don’t think she overheard us… do you? And…"
In the end, it didn’t really matter. You knew in the moment that you’d lost Bucky forever. Everything felt far away, the room was suffocating, why were there so many people? Tears burned in your orbital sockets, drowning you from the inside out. You couldn’t face them anymore, seeing the happiness on Bucky’s face, knowing that someone else was responsible for that smile, that light inside him, was heartbreaking. Ultimately, you wanted him to be happy but you wanted to share that joy with him, you wanted to be the one to give it to him and watching that mantle being taken from you and bequeathed to another person was soul crushing. Gripping your present tightly, you slipped out of the room, Steve watching your retreating footsteps with sympathy, but knowing not to follow.
A few tears escaped as you found refuge in the kitchen, but you had no desire to explain red eyes and a blotchy nose to any of the other team members or party goers, so you wiped them away angrily, taking a few calming breaths before pouring yourself a strong drink. You sank onto a bar stool, shoving the record onto the chair to your right, you had no use for it anymore. There had barely been time for you to take 2-3 sips from your drink before Bucky popped his head into the room.
"Cricket? There you are!"
"Hey Buck! Having a good time?" You plastered a smile on your face, one that didn’t quite reach your eyes.
Deception in this case was a futile attempt, Bucky was well versed in the movements of your face. "What’s wrong?"
"Nothing," you lied. "Just getting a drink."
"There are plenty of drinks back there."
He looked searchingly into your eyes and the facade you had erected was crumbling. You looked away, dropping your head to try and hide your face with your hair.
"It was just a bit much, everyone there… I don’t know, I feel a little… overwhelmed."
Too much drain of the social battery, Bucky was familiar with that. He pulled out the chair on your left, almost giving you a heart attack because you had momentarily forgotten which chair you’d left the present on.
"If you want to give me my gift here, we can do it privately. Everyone else is done," Bucky suggested, leaning towards you.
The smell of his cologne was intoxicating. Suddenly you felt angry that he was there, why couldn’t he give you a moment to grieve? Constantly invading your space, reminding you of what you couldn’t have, dangling the carrot but keeping it just out of reach. "Well you already have the perfect gift from your girlfriend, what more do you need?" You couldn’t keep the bitterness out of your tone.
As soon as the words left your mouth, you regretted them. But the damage was done. There was a deathly silence between you where you were afraid to look at your best friend.
"You know, I thought I would have you both in my life; my best friend and my girlfriend. I feel like you’re making me choose you over her and it’s not fair, Cricket! I’ve tried, I really have but you’re making it impossible! So you know what, I’m going to have to choose Priya. At least she bothered to put some effort into getting me a birthday gift. I can have a future with her."
The worst thing about his words were the disappointment and finality in his tone. And with that he left you alone with only your thoughts for company. A storm raged inside you, a maelstrom of emotions; anger, betrayal, abandonment, rejection, loss, just outright pain. How could he? How could he choose her over you? After everything you had been through together, the bond you had forged, the absolute faith and trust you had put in each other. Did it mean nothing to him? Did you mean nothing to him?
Trudging back to your room, you sought comfort in your giant bed, hoping it would envelope you completely. Wrapping the duvet around your body and over your head, you buried your face in a pillow and allowed the tears to fall. Once the gates had opened, the trickle of tears became a flood as you sobbed into your pillow to muffle the sound.
Why did he have to choose? Why didn’t he choose you? The pain in your chest was unbearable, a physical ache that matched the emotional turmoil inside you. You had tried so hard to make things work, to give him a balance of your friendship with his relationship with Priya, but now it seemed like all your efforts had been in vain. He had made his choice, and it wasn’t with you.
As you lay there in your bed, the tears continued to flow, a never-ending stream of sadness and heartbreak. You felt like a piece of you had been ripped away, leaving a raw, gaping wound in its place. How could you move on from this? How could you ever trust anyone again, knowing that they could just choose someone else over you?
You sighed, you knew now that you would never be good enough for him. Everything you’d tried to hold on to, had done nothing but push him away. You remembered when you had first understood your feelings, you’d considered pulling away to protect yourself. But Bucky had reeled you back in, constantly asking if he had done something to hurt you. So you’d given in, telling yourself you didn’t want to hurt him. But in reality, it had been selfish, you had indulged in a fantasy and ended up hurting the man you loved and getting hurt in the process.
You startled as a door slammed shut nearby. It was Bucky’s bedroom door, you could hear Priya giggling and Bucky’s deep voice through the wall. Your body froze with shock, the last thing you needed right now was to listen to your best friend having sex with his girlfriend. You shoved your airpods into your ears and turned up one of your lo-fi playlists and closed your eyes.
The decision you should have made then, was far more clear to you now. Your friend and old superior officer from your S.H.I.E.L.D. team had repeatedly offered you the chance to teach with her at the newly formed Coulson Academy. She had taught you everything you knew and believed in your ability to impart the knowledge you’d gained to potential agents. It was time for you to take her up on this offer.
As you wiped away your tears and made a decision to move forward, you knew that it was time to focus on yourself and your own happiness. Bucky had made his choice, and now it was time for you to make yours. You couldn’t continue to dwell on what would never be, on the pain of rejection and heartbreak.
Pairing: Bucky x Plus Size Female Reader
Summary: Reader is dating Bucky. Bucky thinks he won the jackpot with the reader, but the reader thinks he can get anyone he wants. A bet then goes a little too far, leaving the reader questioning everything about their relationship.
A/N: Fixed this piece up and changed the story line. Both reader and Bucky are wrong in this one, but I hope you like it anyways. I tend to write toxic relationships because of what I've been through. If you don't like that you can pass by without leaving rude comments. This is my version of therapy. Thanks!
--
You weren’t like the other agents on the team. Where most women in S.H.I.E.L.D or the Avengers are tall, skinny and beautiful. You were short, overweight, and in your opinion “ehh” in the looks department. Though you looked overweight, you were strong as all hell. You always felt like you didn’t belong, but the team always told you did. Especially Bucky.
When Bucky Barnes admitted his feelings for you, you had a hard time believing him. He's proven that his feelings are real, but one thing you think he's lying about is how lucky he says he is that you finally said yes to being his. It's a conversation that comes up several times and you keep saying the same thing.
"Buck, one sexy smirk toward a woman and they would be putty in your hands. I'm the one who should thank whoever brought you to me cause I still don't get what you see."
"Baby, you're the one who could have any man she wants, and you chose me. Trust me, no other woman would ever want me."
You would just roll your eyes and change the subject as it was actually painful to talk about. But one week you had enough and made a bet. A new agent was coming, and you wanted to prove Bucky wrong. You gave him permission, against your better judgement, to flirt. If she turned him down you would admit defeat, but if you won, he owed you a weekend away together.
Then the new female agent, Stacy, joined, and she was gorgeous! Beautiful light brown hair that looked so soft to the touch, blue eyes that drew you in, and a body you would die for. When you and Bucky walked in hand-in-hand to meet her, you couldn’t help but notice Bucky’s reaction to her. You shook it off because you couldn’t deny her beauty either.
"Remember the deal babe," you said quietly, suddenly regretting your choice. He nodded silently and kissed your forehead.
You didn't know this, but he was also regretting this bet. When Stacy was introduced to the team, you automatically noticed her eyes lingered on Bucky a lot longer than anyone else.
Steve brought her down the line to meet everyone one by one, and when she walked up to you, you extended your hand, “Nice to meet you Stacy. Looking forward to working with you.”
She looked at your hand for a moment and then said to Steve, “I thought I was meeting agents.”
Steve’s eyebrows shot up and nodded, “Yes, Y/N here is one of our best. She is one mission away from becoming a full fledge Avenger.”
You smiled at him as she looked back at you, an unreadable expression on her face. “Huh, well, we'll see about that.”
She walked past you to Bucky without shaking your hand. You were honestly shocked by her rudeness. You watch her interact with Bucky and see the flirty fluttering of her eyelashes.
Bucky turned on the charm, which you had to admit, hurt you more than you realized it would.
“Sergeant Barnes, I am looking forward to learning a lot from you,” she said in a sultry voice.
Bucky flushed, understanding her meaning. “Uh, yea anytime dollface,” he said.
Your eyes shot to his face. “Doll” was your nickname. You looked from him to Steve, who just gave you a sympathetic smile.
When intros were done, it was time for dinner. Stacy made sure she sat right next to Bucky, which drove you nuts. Bucky didn’t even spare you a glance when you were forced to sit on the other end of the table. It was like he didn’t even notice you. Not that you blamed him, Stacy did take all the attention in the room. Why did you make this damn bet?
You started feeling very low and self conscious, excusing yourself from the table. You entered your room and quickly went into the shower. You couldn’t help but let some tears fall, thinking you were not good enough for Bucky. Stacy was the type of woman he should be with, not you.
While lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice Bucky entering the shower with you, until you feel his arms around you. You immediately tense when you feel him, feeling the tears fall harder.
“Doll? You okay?” he asked concerned. You cried harder, holding your face in your hands. Bucky turned you around and held you close, kissing the top of your head.
When you finally calmed down and looked up at Bucky, who had a concerned and sad expression on his face. You step away from him and leave the shower.
“Y/N?” he called after you. When he made it out to the room in a towel, you were changing into sweats and one of his hoodies. “Baby, please tell me whats wrong?” he pleads.
You look at him with a mix of sadness and anger. “I’m shocked you even noticed I left the table,” you spat.
Bucky is shocked by your words, “What do you mean?” he whispers.
You scoff, “I give you permission to flirt with one woman, and you suddenly forget that you have a girlfriend. Not that I blame you! She's gorgeous, and I’m…” you stop yourself before you sob.
“Doll, -” “Don’t! Obviously I am not your “Doll” if you are so okay with calling her that!” you screamed.
Bucky shakes his head, putting his hands through his hair. “I don’t understand what's wrong! You told me to do this! I'm sorry I called her “Doll”. Honestly, it meant nothing!” he yelled getting frustrated.
You ignore him and walk to your bed, pulling the covers up to your neck.
“Fine, talk to me when you’re not acting like this.”
You hear Bucky mumble, before you hear the door to your room close. You lie there for a moment, before you decide that you needed to fix this. He was right. This was your idea, just because you couldn't handle it doesn't make it his fault. Though he's a dumbass for calling her "doll". You get up and open your door, walking next door to Bucky’s room. When you open the door you gasp.
Stacy's in Bucky’s room, sliding her hands up his bare chest and reaching up to kiss him, and whats worse is he is standing there holding her hips in only his towel. Tears completely flood your eyes and you leave the room without you noticing.
–
When Bucky returned to him room after your outburst he opened his door and saw Stacy standing there.
“What are you doing in here?” he asked, annoyed.
Stacy looks at him with innocent eyes, “I just wanted to thank you for being so nice tonight. I know I was asking a lot of questions during dinner.”
He gives her a small smile, “No problem, but if you don’t mind, I want to be alone.” he said.
“Where are you coming from in only a towel anyway,” she asked, ignoring his last comment, and stepping closer to him. “uh… my girlfriend’s room.” he stuttered, feeling uncomfortable.
“You have a girlfriend? Who? Does she know you were flirting with me?” she asked in surprise. “Y-Y/N, my girlfriend is Y/N,” he says feeling nervous.
Stacy laughed for a moment, confusing Bucky, “You’re kidding right?” she asked.
“No, I am dating Y/N. Have been for over three months. I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong impression tonight, but I'm taken,” he said, taking a step back.
“Oh? Well, if you are flirting with me then you must be unhappy. I can make you feel better,” she said stepping closer, sliding her hands up his bare chest.
Bucky froze for a moment, holding onto Stacy’s waist to stop her coming closer. He felt very uncomfortable since he was only in a towel. She started to lean in toward his face. Finally he came to his senses and pushed her away.
“Agent, this is unacceptable behavior. I know I gave you an impression tonight and that's my fault but I just told you I'm taken. Get out of my room, now” Bucky barked at Stacy.
Stacy was shocked, but didn’t want to push him any further and ran out of the room. Bucky closed the door behind her wiping his face with his flesh hand. He quickly got dressed and went back to your room, wanting to apologize for everything. When he knocked there was no answer. He opened your door and came in.
“Baby?” he called walking further into the room. He checked the walk in closet and then the bathroom, nothing. When he came back into the room, he saw a piece of paper on the bed. He opened it and his heart immediately dropped.
Bucky,
I guess based on what I saw, I am not as crazy as I thought. Though I must be crazy to think someone who looks like me, would be loved by someone who looks like you. I hope you both are very happy together.
Your Y/N
Bucky quickly ran out of the room and went to Steve’s. He explained everything that happened, which caused some scolding from Steve.
“I mean I can’t believe you were nice to her after the comment she made about Y/N when she met her,” Steve said. Bucky shook his head, “I know. I’m a fucking moron, okay? But Y/N wanted to do this bet and it went too far. Please you have to help me find my girl. I need her to know that I…” he stopped.
“You love her,” Steve said smirking.
Bucky nodded and blew out a breath. “Please, Steve. I can’t let her think that I don’t love her. I knew she was self conscious, I should have made sure she was alright,” Bucky said kicking himself.
“Okay, pal. Relax, we will find her. Let’s ask the girls first.” Steve said leading Bucky out of his room.
–
“Ok so you saw Y/N was upset and yelled at her instead of comforting her? You're an asshole, Barnes," Nat yelled at him.
“Yea, I know that already. Please Nat, I need to find her,” Bucky pleaded.
“Plus that was mean to do to Stacy, but she still shouldn't have been an bitch to Y/N," She says angrily. "I don’t know where she is, but, if you got your head out of your asses and think you'll find her faster,” she snapped.
Both men looked confused, causing her to roll her eyes. “Men are morons! FRIDAY please track Y/N and send her coordinates to Barnes and Rogers STAT!” she yelled to the AI.
The men nodded their thanks and headed out.
Nat watched them leave and then called to the AI. “FRIDAY where is Stacy?”
–
You sat on a bench in Battery Park, staring out into the water. You honestly weren’t sure where you were going to go from here. A part of you wanted to go back to the Tower, but didn’t want to see Bucky or Stacy. You figured by now they were lying naked in his bed together. The image making you want to puke.
“Y/N” a whispered voice said, making you jump.
You turn and see Bucky standing there, relief evident in his face. “Baby, I have been looking everywhere for you.”
He sits down on the bench next to you, and you immediately tensed, something he noticed.
He swallowed the lump in his throat, “Y/N, I swear, whatever you saw, was not what you think. Stacy… she… she tried to kiss me and I froze. I-I didn’t know what to do, until I finally snapped out of it and threw her out of my room. You have to believe me.” he said grabbing your hand. You don’t look at him, knowing that if you did, you would crack.
“Why would you want to throw her out? She's perfect for you Bucky. You’re perfect for each other. She knows it, I know it, you must know it.” you say quietly, your voice threatening to crack. "This bet was stupid because it proved how right I really was."
Bucky kneels in front of you, holding your face in his hands, forcing you to look at him.
“Belles, she is not perfect for me? Is she beautiful? Sure, but you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. I know you're self conscious about your weight and your body, but baby I love your body and I couldn’t care less about your weight because it doesn't matter. You're a strong woman who could kick anyone's ass. I…”
Bucky takes a breath and calm his nerves. “Y/N, I love you,” he says with confidence.
You look at him for a moment and then shake your head. “How can you love someone like me?” you whisper as tears flow down your face.
Bucky stands up and pulls you into his arms. “You're so amazing to me. You don’t care about my past. You only care about who I am now. And as far as how you look, you’re so fucking sexy to me baby! I grew up in a time where our woman had meat on their bones, and that's what I prefer.” he said causing you to laugh.
“Buck, I love you. I love you so much! You mean the world to me, and that's why I was so upset you ignored me tonight. I thought that you finally found someone else that you wouldn’t be embarrassed with. It's my fault for making this stupid bet,” you said.
“I’m an idiot for tonight. I didn’t realize that I was ignoring you, and I’m so sorry. I should have defended you when she was rude to you, and ignored her. Screw the bet. We were both idiots about that, it wasn't fair to Stacy, even if she is a bitch. However, I do still owe you a weekend getaway, and I promise I will be cold to her from now on,” he said kissing the top of your head. “And you, my love, will never embarrass me.”
You looked up at him, your heart racing in your chest. He leaned down and captured your lips with his. You stepped as close as you could, wrapping your arms tightly around him. When the kiss ended you whispered against his lips, “I love you.”
He smiled and pecked your lips again, “I love you too.”
