An Image of Bliss

An IC blog for the World of Warcraft character Bliss, on the realm Wyrmrest Acccord

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Written in careful, well spaced penmanship, her best handwriting yet.

It's been about two months since Saggitarious and my sister Evarayn saved me from myself. 

I was so stupid, so rash. And I've paid dearly for it.

I rushed off to end the Shadow, to cease the nightmares and paranoia, and I succeeded. 

I had left in the night to go to the ruins of Ahn'Qiraj, and wandered the empty halls half filled with sand, walking blindly into the depths of the temple to the Old God C'Thun only to find the Shadow floating silently above the remains of the Old One's corpse. The Shadow rested comfortably in the dead air, head tilted back in near reverence and worship to the fallen God. I must have made some noise in the endless silence, for its head twitched for an eternal moment and it turned to focus on me. 

Her handwriting is closer together and more hurried, the words spilling out. 

As before, the Shadow lashed out suddenly, but missed. I can hardly remember the entirety of the encounter, so focused and fast the moments flew by, but lasting a lifetime as they occurred. It was the strangest sensation. After no time and all of time had passed, I managed to blast the Shadow back into a support pillar, expending the last of my strength. The Shadow crumpled and dissolved into the sand upon impact, whispering its last lies into the stone beneath as it expired.  I was beside myself with joy and relief and disbelief that when the pillar toppled with the force of the impact and leaned slowly then quickly to meet the ground, I was caught between it and its target. I remember seeing the pillar, and flinging myself to the side, and then nothing.

Her handwriting improves once more.

My next memory is lying on a table, my vision blurred and dim, with the idea of Evarayn's face above mine. In my stupor, I had thought it my own, we look so similar. But it was readily apparent that it was my estranged sister who hovered above me, and my love's hand which gripped my own with his unique healing touch warming and soothing what remained of my body.

Evarayn tells me that she used her limited medical skills to staunch the bleeding from my ruined leg when they found me in the depths of the ruins, though I strongly suspect from my strength and vitality upon standing that she has been lying to me, and practicing things that are rather forbidden, things she would have killed me for long ago. 

I now have a finely made prosthetic leg, complements of my clever and engineering friend Centari Souli. It is made of enchanted mithrl (to withstand the heat of my talents) and light hides for softness and looks. Centari is much more clever than I've given him credit for, having included several spaces for storage and some other gadgets I haven't discovered yet. Though it is not waterproof, sadly, so every time I bathe I have to take it off and hop about like a fool. Fortunately Saggi' is very patient with me and willing to let me cling when I'm de-legged and wobbly. 

I can sense this lingering disappointment with Saggi' though, a quiet disapproval at my decision to run off alone, and I share that deep seated disappointment with myself. I know that if I could go back and do it all again, I would change nothing. I cannot risk his life, it is not mine to gamble. I'll never fully know why the Shadow targeted me but it would be a grave mistake to allow him to be a casualty of my personal war.  He might understand this, he might not. I don't know if I can or will be able to communicate this with him. I don't know if I should. He has said nothing, and continues to be an admirable partner, ever supportive and caring, and I am so undeserving. 

In regards to Evarayn, she and I have become much closer since I lost my leg. We can talk again, about more than past mistakes. It's a mystery why she has decided to accept me into her life again after yet another near fatal mistake, but I'm so happy to finally know my sister again that I'm not questioning it. Lunches with my smiling twin in my home are enough for me, and I've resolved to content myself with what she will give.

My life has improved greatly, and all it took was running away in the night and losing my leg. The nightmares are gone, the fear, the uncertainty, the worry about every shadow I walk past. The dark circles beneath my eyes have disappeared now that I'm sleeping through the night, and Saggi seems better rested, too. I have a family again. I can study my craft again, but I feel less driven by fear and more by curiosity. I've been branching out into other fields, focusing more on my alchemy and less on the fel, and though I can feel the steady decline of heat in my veins, I find I don't miss it as much as I thought I would. I do miss my leg, but I love what I've gained in its absence. 

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((Sorry it's been so long! Life gets crazy. This is the work of http://immunized.deviantart.com/ and she is so amazingly talented and I can't thank her enough!

My Bliss <3 ))

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**the text below is written in a hurried scribble, with small spots where the ink is blurred, likely the result of a fallen tear that was dabbed up**

That's it. 

It's time I met the Shadow head on.

I've been having nightmares every night for the past month, this thing is haunting me and I can't seem to shake the deep seating fear that it will come back to blind me again, or worse. I'm sure Saggi' has noticed me shaking and sweating in the night, waking up in a silent panic and having to step outside to breathe. He's so sweet and quietly attentive, pretending not to notice and stir when I climb back into bed, the way he growls and curls around me in that protective way.

But he can't protect me.

I saw that in Silvermoon when he ran to help me, when the Shadow ruined my vision. So tonight I am leaving without him. I slipped a subtle sleeping potion in his tea, and once we lay down for the night and I am sure he is fast asleep, I will leave quietly. Should all go well, I will be back by morning with the Shadow's head on a stick. 

But if something happens to me, I've given Evarayn the small communications gem that Saggi' gifted me when we first met. I asked her to watch my home and if I didn't return by the afternoon that she should call him and let him know... Well. Hopefully it won't happen. That said, I strongly suspect that Evarayn will try to stop me, appealing to some sort of sisterly duty. While we have been becoming reacquainted with one another the past couple weeks, it's not enough to let her stop me. I can't live like this. I have changed so much about my body to protect myself from this Shadow, and yet I still feel so vulnerable. 

Enough is enough. 

Tonight I finish this, at any cost.

Saggi', if you find my journal: I love you. And I'm so sorry.

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((Today, I tried to make Bliss using http://www.dolldivine.com/rpg-heroine-creator.php . I was a little successful :P ))

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-So- much has happened in the past week, where to begin?

I have completed my work with the Doctor, the strange multi-personalitied Priest who implanted gems along my palms, arms, and chest to act as a ward against the Shadow that has been tormenting me for months. The places where he pressed the gems in are rather sore and bruised, and hurt quite a bit, especially the one in between my eyebrows. I never realized how much I moved my face until this very moment. But, it is a necessary thing to prevent the Shadow from getting into my mind, or physically harming me. My temporary blindness due to its touch was a thoroughly frightening experience, one I wish I could purge from my memories entirely. I do what I must, but I fear that my Sagittarius will look at me differently. He understands my need to repel the Shadow, but at what point will I look more like an experiment of fear than a loving partner? And furthermore, when I go to Ahn'Qiraj in the coming days to confront and (hopefully) be rid of the Shadow entirely, will my Saggi' be willing to come along still? And assuming I am successful, what will become of me, now that I have built my body around protecting myself? My only option is to see how fate develops my future, I have no choice but to walk forwards and take things as they come, for better or worse. 

I went to a wedding. My friend Centari and his wife Kelli' had the most beautiful ceremony in Moonglade, on a marble gazebo in the middle of a shimmering pool of water. It's been about 1 and 1/2 years since Thaladran left me at the alter, and while I no longer love him, seeing such a beautiful and happy couple committing themselves to each other really hit me hard. So much so that I literally cried throughout the service. It is beyond embarrassing... I just thank the Titans that Saggi' wasn't there to witness my emotional outburst, I would really hate for him to get the wrong idea. I love him dearly, but marriage is something to be considered at a later date, and even then, there are so many factors to consider... I will far outlive him. He is merely a Gilnean. Of course, that is assuming we last that long. But I digress. 

Lastly, and most importantly, I have seen my sister at Centari's and Saggi's insistence. I wrote her a letter explaining that I won't bother to apologize, as the words would be wasted on her. Were it that easy, we'd be old friends again long ago. Instead, I offered to meet with her to show her that I had changed. I am no longer controlled by my desires and my addictions, and as far as she is to know, I am no longer a practicing Warlock. I am a simple alchemist in her eyes and that is how it will stay. The unfortunate death of her- our parents is in the past, and such circumstances are impossible now. During our brief, tense, and distinctly hopeful meeting in the Bazaar, Evarayn and I talked, and I explained all these things to her, and she listened carefully. I really wish we had been able to feel more comfortable around one another, but I'll have to take what I can get: a cold and hard exterior with brief flashes of a promising sisterhood. Seeing her face for the first time in so long reminded me of how much I truly miss her. I can only hope that she had a similar experience. We've arranged another meeting in about a week, both of us need time to think and process, but it seems we are both willing to try and that is the most important thing at this point. 

I will write more later, but for now I have a gift to arrange for my sweetheart, as it is the Love Festival, and it's important to me that even though he is off working, Saggi' knows that I think of him. 

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Evarayn, 

I haven't seen you in fifty years. I feel as though I lost you both a moment and a lifetime ago, and no one else has been able to fill the hole you left in me. I miss our letters, and late night conversations while our parents slept. I miss the jokes we played on our tutors when their backs were turned.

It still boggles me how utterly opposed you were to my change of studies, though... Being a Mage was not for me, Eva. I have found a different path, one that suits me far better, and I still don't know why you couldn't understand that, despite our different skills, that I still love and care for you.

I am truly sorry for what I said and did when I was under the effects of my addiction... There are no excuses for my actions. And because I have no intention of sending this letter, I feel comfortable in saying that there are no excuses for yours, either. Forcing me out of my home and family because I was in a dark place is inexcusable, and I will forever hold that in me. You were my best friend, and my betrayer, and ultimately led me to more dangerous places by your closed and cold heart. 

Evarayn, I miss you. But even if you approached me with apologies I can't know you. I'm sorry. And I wish you were.

-Bliss Silvershade

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((A narrative. Warning: it gets a little long and bloody))

I was talking to Cent’, he had found me in Murder Row and decided to start asking questions about Saggi’ and I. Being generally pesky, but harmless.  "You know if you have his babies they will be furry, right?" I snorted. “I’ve got it under control.”

He trails his hand down the skin on my chest, leaving a stinking sensation behind, thanks to his Light and my fel. Giving me eyes. “I should have taken advantage of you before you got all wide-legged…”

The tingle at the back of my neck, the sense of dread that hangs heavy in my stomach. The shadow. The form that has been assaulting my mind was back, and here, and it had found me. Whispers flooded my head, drowning out all real sound. The feminine voice that I could pick out as the shadows’ spoke:

"We found you, Lost One. And we grow impatient."

I flew back with a force, hitting my head on the pole. The shadow had pushed me, somehow. The color drained from my face, and I clung to Cent’s arm, trying to get him to understand that I was frightened, that the thing I had told him about a couple weeks prior was here and worse, that it overwhelmed by mind and could now physically affect me. He and the Death Knight bickered before Centari realized that my panic was real. 

"Bliss…? Are you- We need to sit you down." Eona walked up, looking curious. I bolted. Running down the streets in a blind panic, I raced up into Wayfarers Rest and called Saggi’ on the gem he enchanted to act like a communication device. 

"Saggi’, it’s here." "It? The shadow?? Stay there, I’m coming." I sat in the closet of the furthest back bedroom in the inn, hugging my knees to me. The shadow touched me. I used to thing it was just a ghost or something, playing tricks, but it touched me. This was no game.  "It’s getting closer, Saggi’, I can feel it." I’m sure the terror in my mind was in my voice. "Stall, baby…" I could hear his breathing is heavy, he must be moving as quickly as possible. But he was too late.

"I SEE IT." The shadow drifted into the room, and I could feel its eyes on me, despite the fact that it had no eyes. Its gaze fell on me, and as it moved at a steady pace towards me, Saggi’ burst into the room. I’d never seen him in his Worgen form. Saggi’ was tall, he had to bend over to it in the room. Snarling, his fur was raised up entirely and claws out. He stood directly between the shadow and I protectively. 

Whispers surrounded the form which dripped with shadows. “Lost One, we have little patience left. You resist us, why? You will come to us, and join us.”  Saggi’ rushed forward, swiping madly at the form, shouting at it in a fury. “Be gone! Bliss will not go to you!” The shadow seemed to smirk at Saggi’. “Your druid will not last, Lost One.” He dropped to all fours, exhausted and trying to figure out how to fight it off as the shadow was utterly unimpressed with his efforts. The shadow raised its hand up and brought it down like a dark whip, slashing my cheek open. 

Saggi’ shouted my name, and turned to face me as the shadow drifted off, sending out a burst of dark energy as a parting gift. Saggi’ cast natural healing spells over me, hoping to calm me down and slow the blood gushing out between my fingers as they gripped my face, holding the wound together. I felt so disconnected, staring at the blood on my dress. It was new, and now had a big stain on it. Luckily it was red already. He licked at my gash, cleaning the blood away from my chin and neck as I clung to him like a child. With a couple waves of his hand, he conjured some stitches to hold together the separated flesh. Poor Saggi’ felt so worthless. He raced to me as fast as he could, and was not able to have any affect on the shadow. I ended up trying to console him before he left, fearing that someone in the city would find him and hurt him. 

I didn’t bother renting the room or changing, I just crawled into the bed beside me and curled up, my fiery cinder kitten curling up beside me. My face fucking hurts. I will have to go to Ahn’Qiraj to face this thing. But first, I needed to heal.

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I really didn't expect this to happen the way it did. 

Cent' introduced me to his student of sorts, Saggi', to help me uncover the source of these whispers I've been getting and to figure out who the shadowed figure is what has been stalking me and insisting I go to the ruins of Ahn'Qiraj. I'm sure Cent' thought I was crazy and wanted me to get psychological help.

Instead, Saggi' saw the same figure and heard its words, fully confirming that it is real, and I am not crazy as I had started to believe. Saggi' agreed to go with me to Ahn'Qiraj to prove once and for all that it is deserted, rid of the Old God that lived there for ages, and that these whispers are unfounded and foolish and I should make some potion or something to block them out.  

Saggi' is wonderful, though. Very sweet. Preceding a series of long, intimate moments, we halfway worked out that we're dating now. I can't say I'm too upset! Though the fact that he is a Worgen is a little unsettling... 

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It's my first time actually writing in here in a while.

I look in this journal all the time, flipping through the pages and tracing out the swirling words inked on the yellowing parchment. It's effectively the sum of my experiences up to my dramatic exit from my studies. Since leaving the care of my many private tutors and the wealth of my absent parents I've held onto this worn and tattered book that's been around as long as I have. This journal details how I came to love (and later hate) Dran, the sweet Paladin who loved me until I was at the altar and only then showed his true insecurities and fears, ultimately letting them outweigh his faith and trust in our life together. I don't look at those pages much. The text I trace over and over is the paragraph I wrote the night he left me alone, the same night I decided to resign from my learning in favor of a life outside and alone, where I could not be hurt or controlled or manipulated. I have never thought more clearly in my life than I did in that moment. And until now, I thought I had no use to write on these pages again as I had realized the truth of myself: I was alone, and would be alone.

I can't say that my last entry has been proven false. Though lately, I am finding myself doubting the extent to which I had believed I'd be alone. I am still very much alone. Despite a failed relationship with a Warrior who was rarely around and too controlling when he was, I do still have some friends. Another Warlock like myself, Acalinia, who seems to have a soft spot for me, and a Paladin/Rogue, Centari Souli, who runs a certain hot-and-cold that I'm learning to anticipate. I know many faces, and have been told many names but I would hardly consider many to be true friends. But time will tell. All I can say is that I hope I can find someone to connect to.

There is something new I can mention here, though. Many Warlocks before me have been plagued by whispers, and I think today I have begun to hear them as well. A shadowed figure follows me, haunting me with whispers and an imposing will, speaking as though many, Only I can hear it. I will do research, surely there is a library somewhere in the city that covers this topic...