AJWB

I'm James. An anxious awkward artist, admiring ass and applying alliteration almost entirely.

[animatedjames]

Hiatus

Thank you to those who, not just understood, but encouraged my discontinuing of my YT channel. Like I said in the video, my mental health is now my first priority and I'm taking responsibility for my own happiness even if that means disappointing people, which I might be doing by going on hiatus, though I'm not even sure if it'll be just a "break" or if I'm fully moving on from this. I guess that's what I'm going on hiatus to figure out.

I spent about 5 years consistently making animations, comics and videos while psychologically struggling, and while I still enjoy making art, it just now occured to me that, with all the issues that have occured, maybe I need a break, or maybe I'm just not cut out for this. Again, that's what I need to figure out.

I wanna thank everyone who has supported me up til now. I'll be pausing my patreon and just stepping away from having an audience to focus on myself and my friends, who I never would've made without going on this journey. I was conflicted because I was afraid of continuing that habbit of starting something and stopping it after the first installment. But the point of this is to put a stop to that cycle by just not having an audience anymore. I'm the one who decided to start making content online in the first place, so all this pressure I feel is self created.

To the people above, thank you so much for the encouragement and for understanding. To that last guy, thank you for your concern. Consider this my way of getting out of that mental rabbit hole.

Bye for now, and thanks for everything.

[animatedjames]

I remember before deciding to be open about it, Like as a kid, and a teenager, I was afraid of what people thought of me all the time. Because that's how I was raised. So as a result, I was scared all the time, even when I had no reason to be. To the point where my fear controlled me more than I controlled it. To the point where I couldn't relax, couldn't hang out with people (or at least not "normal" people), and could never feel comfortable in my own skin.

Some people are good at "hiding their power level". Like there are lots of successful online creators who, on one account make funny likable mainstream content everyone loves, but also have an alias no one knows about where they express their most disgusting bizarre fantasies. And they compartmentalize these two versions of themselves so they don't have anxiety or existential dread.

Doing that is easier for some than it is for others, and not everyone succeeds. Some people own whatever gets revealed about them and are still mocked, others deny it and are mocked even more. And while being mocked isn't the worst thing in the world, it isn't ideal for anyone. But the reason some people are okay with being mocked is because they have close friends who know them personally, have seen them at their worst, and don't just accept them, but genuinely like them. That gives them the strength they need to handle being mocked by people who don't know them.

This is strength I didn't have before being as open as I am. Because until I was 21, I never had REAL friends. Just people I worked with, people who liked my content, and people who mooched off of me. Because during that time, I was an obnoxious douchebag, which I think is WAY worse than being a butt-obsessed perv. I still have social anxiety, but after learning about the issues other people have, and learning that everyone lies in some way, and just having my perception of life altered over and over again by certain people turning out to not be who they appear to be, I don't take my social anxiety as seriously as I used to, because there are way bigger problems out there that I don't have.

If an anime reviewer can be open about enjoying lolicon, I think I can be open about enjoying EFRO art. I'm not the only one who is, and given the choice between fitting in and having no good friends, and being an outcast with really good friends, The latter is the best option.

[animatedjames]

Profile Pic

Here's the version she deleted (fetish alt).

[hikishi]

[animatedjames]

Desensitized

[animatedjames]

As someone trying to get into comics and animation more, I was wondering about you and your characters. I see that you tend to put a lot of yourself into your characters, and I tend to do the same thing, and wanted to know if you do it as a way to work out your own issues, or as a form of therapy? Do you tend to do it intentionally or does it just happen? Sorry if this too personal, I'm just such a fan of your work and wanted to know about your process

I think I went full circle with it where I first started out just doing it for fun and escapism (like every artist does), but as time went on I got it in my head that I need to “say something” with what I do, then I entered a really pretentious phase that was really just about me trying to look smarter than I actually am. But when I realized I’m not the person I thought I was, I just wanted to pour my soul into something, and when I did, my soul got stomped on by those closest to me, so now I’m back to just doing this for fun and escapism.So nowadays I just kinda put things I like into what I do, but not so much as therapy, even though escapism can be therapeutic, since you learn about yourself and what you like/dislike and what you value. It can also just be an excuse to *avoid* therapy.

While I am sometimes inspired by real life, just because it’s fun to combine real life and fantasy, it’s not meant to “work through” anything. Bo Burnham recently said on the h3 podcast that he thought performing would help him work through his anxiety, and then said “It actually only made it worse” lol Because it’s basically just you talking to *yourself* (which I think is a sign of schizophrenia lol)

[animatedjames]

Grey Girl

The cover of Ruth's new album "Black and Wide". Order now to get the exclusive fart version.

[animatedjames]

Hey James, just wanna let you know that you're kinda one if the biggest inspirations for me wanting to become an artist/animator. I loved Seniors, C Students, Middle Ground, Creative Types, and the Sonic v. MLP series. Even today, I'm still a fan of your current work. Off Saving the World is probably one of my favorite webcomics out there. Even though I recognize you'd rather forget most of these projects, they always hold a special place in my heart as they did when I first viewed them. Thanks.

Thanks man! Glad you like OSTW!And it’s not that I want to forget that stuff. You’re supposed to remember bad stuff so you know to avoid it.

[scottyartz]

Macy fan art for @animatedjames 

[animatedjames]

Thanks so much for the fan art @scottyartz Be sure to check him out!

[animatedjames]

Ta-Da

First thing I ever drew in photoshop. Still gotta work on it, but so far I'm liking the different pencil-y brush.

After having Derek trick that alligator in OSTW, I like the idea of him maybe being into magic tricks. I remember having a magic kit as a kid.

[animatedjames]

James, hows therapy going? I hope you still go and it's helpful. Personally, I miss going and it felt great to just cry and blurt out all my anxious thoughts to someone else to help sort through it all. I had tried other therapists out after and didn't trust any of them. Point is to all you crazy anxious people out there, don't give up if you don't jive with your first therapist.

It’s going well. While there is a HUGE age gap between us, I do feel generally comfortable with him.Therapy helped me get to the core of what’s wrong with me and why I am the way I am. I think the most eye opening thing I was told in therapy was “I don’t see a real person in you.” Which was told to me after telling a therapist pretty much my entire life story up til that point. Hearing that made me realize just how empty I was for 90% of my life, and how little I felt for anything or anyone, especially myself, and how I was trying to fill myself with OTHER PEOPLE’S feelings and OTHER PEOPLE’S passions, which explained my inconsistent insecure borderline unstable behavior and personality. Realizing this scared the shit out of me, because I didn’t want to be sociopathic, especially after being friends with someone who was.There’s still one thing I want to know... WHY was I so empty for most of my life? Was my childhood really THAT traumatizing? Or was it something I was born with, like a developmental disorder? That’s what I’m still trying to figure out, ‘cause I’m pretty sure I have more than just depression lol

[animatedjames]

Orange Juice

Freshly squeezed~

Not-so-fresh fart version.

[animatedjames]

How would you feel if OSTW was made into a TV series?

Scared shitless.I barely belong on the internet, let alone on TV lol I couldn’t even handle going to conventions, so I highly doubt I could handle the pressure of TV. Plus, OSTW is definitely something that’s more fitting on the internet, as opposed to a more mainstream audience. Besides, I didn’t make OSTW in hopes that it would be a TV show, or sell merchandise, or be appealing or meaningful to most people. I made it to be appealing and meaningful to myself first. And I’m continuing it for my own enjoyment, not because I’m hoping to make it big in hollywood. Part of self-awareness is knowing your limits, in addition to knowing where you can be limitless.I do still have aspirations for OSTW in terms of it’s story and it’s characters, but not in terms of what platform it’s on. I think at this point, wanting a TV series is more of a lifestyle pursuit than a creative pursuit.“If I worked in television, not only would I get more money, but I’d get to hang out with all the cool people I look up to in the industry.”I only care about having enough money to live and work, and due to social anxiety and general introversion, I wouldn’t want to hang out with people that intimidating. lol

That was unnecessarily long, but the TL;DR version of this is “Scared shitless”.

[animatedjames]

Morning Mace

[animatedjames]

Hey, I wanted to let you know that your old animations inspired me into animating and writing. However, even in your old animations you've wrote about your depression, mental state, and criticized yourself and your animations a bit harshly. While I understand you were a jerk back then, I feel like a large factor of that was your public self hatred, and contributed to your toxicness. I'm glad you're realizing your mistakes, getting better friends, but please have more faith in yourself. Tysm ❤❤❤

Oh trust me, you're not the first person to tell me to stop being so hard on myself lol I appreciate you saying that. Though it wasn't just hatred towards myself. That was the CORE of it all, but I also adopted this layer of hatred for the world, which I had to address and abolish before I could address my own self-loathing. That's what scared the shit out of me. Realizing I was filled with that much hatred, and became that unhinged. And when an unhinged asshole says "I believe in myself", it doesn't really mean much at all.

All I can say is that I have about as much faith in myself as someone like me should. Thank you for the encouragement. ❤❤❤

[animatedjames]

Trying To Look Cool

[animatedjames]

A.R.T.3

New collection of 40 pieces of random art. This time around, this file contains, not one, but TWO animated gifs (one sfw, one nsfw). You can get the file by either purchasing it RIGHT HERE for $20, or by pledging on patreon here: http://patreon.com/animatedjames ($3 a month for just the sfw adorable stuff, $5 a month for the entire zip file)

Hope you enjoy it. Thank you to those who purchased the last zip file.