[anna-prog-music]

I feel I need to make an ai agent swarm or stay behind forever but I have no time with everything.

[anna-prog-music]

So I got a nervous system regulation coach, my bf thinks it's a scam and I disagree because it's helped me.

I've always been dysregulated and through journaling, prompting, meditation, I've realized that I don't pour into my own cup. I wake up and function on empty. Specifically I worry about others before myself, and I don't have any dependents so it's a choice rather than necessity. I sort of loop on rumination, feelings need to be vented.

I've spent two weeks only prioritizing my feelings and the energy I approach life with is completely different. It's also very different to prioritize yourself when you are dysregulated, get yourself into a good state, and from that space be present for others vs. being depleted in the first place and forcing yourself to be present for others.

[anna-prog-music]

Nervous system regulation >>>>

[anna-prog-music]

I came across somebody with this quote in their profile:

"Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well." - Teddy Roosevelt

It screams "overwork me" but it's kind of heavy hitting, isn't it?

[anna-prog-music]

Fighting for my life to reclaim my time from the algorithms

[depsidase]

[unicorncryptid]

"my life isn't a crime, I'm not one of those people -"

"you sure? new parameters for Those People just dropped. check again."

[lizardywizard]

And if you truly cannot imagine this, if you're convinced that it will never happen to you, consider this one thing.

Would you want scammers to know the state of your loved one's dementia?

[headspace-hotel]

Oh. Shit.

[anna-prog-music]

Took a 5km walk through a forest today. Took my mom out for Mother’s Day, then gave the rest of my day to the algorithm. Still, it’s a small victory because it wasn’t the entire day.

[anna-prog-music]

Travelling was nice because you break your normal life dynamic. When you travel or go on vacation especially you get to live for yourself and purely your own happiness, free of the systems you are a part of, and that is really something nice in my case. It changes you.

I planned this trip a-z though, I greatly struggle with lack of control and the unknown. My nightmare is going somewhere with 0 plans or safety nets. It’s always a bit of a leap though. But this was statistically safe.

[midnightinshadow]

[anna-prog-music]

I went on a surf vacation in Costa Rica and I am glad I survived. One day back and I am already back into my bad habit of doom-scrolling until midnight. I will at least try to get 30 minutes of cleaning done as a small victory.

[tgirl-tamag0tchi]

Feral goth space elf lesbians with big fuck off guns and swords made from scrapped ship parts.

[anna-prog-music]

Wtf I just spent $235 for normal weekly groceries with a few extras for Easter

[anna-prog-music]

I’ve made some changes and I’m much happier. I wish it wasn’t so but my bfs mom drives me crazy. She tries to fill up my time with things I don’t want to do. And the more I say yes to the more the obligations swell. Until before work, after work, and weekends, I’m a supporting character in someone else’s life.

Anyway so I just started leaving and I’m honestly much happier. I’ve found different communities that actually make me feel good about myself. But it’s expensive (parking, food, activities) It’s not bad though, I basically live at the gym now so I’m getting in shape.

If I ignore my feelings I get angry, and it’s not possible. Something is pushing me outwards.

[quotefeeling]

“People inspire you or they drain you. Pick them wisely.”

— Hans F. Hansen

[anna-prog-music]

My weekend is going to mega suck. I had a task that I was completely lost on, and I spent all week just walking in circles.

The expert was finally liberated and came to help, only to reveal the gargantuan amount of work I have ahead of me. I think I will have to work all weekend 🙁 and it’s quite tedious work too.

On top of it there is all of this AI/presentation stuff I have to work on.

At least I have this cat for now.

[anna-prog-music]

“I am sitting on my bed. A storm is coming, appropriately. A storm is always appropriate.”

— Franz Kafka, from a diary entry written c. December 1919, featured in Diaries, 1910-1923 (via violentwavesofemotion)

[anna-prog-music]

Ya Idk my bf got me out of the unsafe environment but he can’t solve everything for me: anxiety, friendlessness, feelings of being annoyed by my family in law. These are mostly self-imposed. I have the means and time to settle these things, it’s just uncomfortable.