10 more days on antidepressants
There are so many thoughts in my head, and I don't know where to put them, so here I am, returning to an old safe space, that has always taken in my words when I could not find room for them.
In 10 days I am going off my anti depressants. I've been on them for 10 years. I'm only 24.
I'm better, I really am. But recently I've been bursting into tears because songs make me sad, because I miss my sister, because I miss my friends, because I question every choice I ever made, and while I'm writing this.
I'm better, but being better takes so much energy.
My medication has always been a comfort, a legitimizer, a confirmation, to myself that my feelings are valid, that I am valid, that my depression is still existent even though I am better.
I recently told my (depressed) roommate this and she didn't get it. is that part of "post-depression"? That no one sees the energy it still takes to be better?
When I was at the farmers market with my mum (a therapist) a few weeks ago, I told her how frustrating it is that no one sees the effort it takes to do the things I do and to be who I am.
She says she does and I believe her. She says she thinks about it often and admires me for it. In that moment, that validation meant everything to me.
I think I'll leave it at that for now.
There is more to say, there always is.
dededos
pixelskylines
germansingergirl
gummygunk
vaporwave
annaxmalina