i am wasted.
it’s been a week since i left the love of my life. im such a coward. they all say i am so blessed to have Him, i say how can i be blessed when i dont feel happy? He said i am strong. The truth is.. i am weak, i am very weak. I cant fight for my love. I cant have my own happiness in my hand. I always put it in the hands of other people. When will i have the courage to help myself? When will i have the strength to fight for my love? I am coward and weak. That’s the truth. I am coward. Somebody told me that “the universe is rearranging in my favor”. But fuck this and that! It’s not the way i wanted it to be. I dont like whats happening in my life. I really dont know what to do. I have this sin in my mind.. the sin of asking.. asking if GOD is really real. If he is real, why do i have to be very happy in a moment and in just a snap, i became this miserable. Is he really watching ? Yah, maybe he’s just watching me burn. He knows that i will follow my parents no matter what. But why woiuld he let this happen to me. He can control everything, right? I told him take on me. take control. But why am I not happy? They said, put all your worries to HIM and he will take care of it. Is this how he took care of me? Alam Niya na lagi kong pinagdadasal na makilala ko ang taong magbibigay sa akin ng kasiyahan, pero bakit hinayaan Niya din na mawala to sa akin. At pinalitan niya pa ng isang tao na hindi man lang ako mapansin. I know I have to get over myself. But, tell me, how will i do that? How will i fix my broken heart. All i wanted is my love. I want my love back. But why would he took it away from me. What really is happening in my life? HINDI KO MAINTINDIHAN. WALA AKONG MAINTINDIHAN SA NANGYAYARI.