⠀ ⠀ ⁰⁷.

⠀⠀𝑡𝘩𝑒𝑠𝑖𝑠:⠀⠀𝑖 𝚜𝚠𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠 ᴬ ᴮᴱᴱ for each 𝖎𝖑𝖑 deed. ᴵ am 𝐚 𝐡𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝗐𝖺𝗅𝗄𝗂𝗇𝗀 ⠀⠀ ... ⠀⠀ ▋

[antiler]

antiler.tumblr.com is a private + independent roleplay blog for natalie scatorccio from showtime's yellowjackets: with a portrayal primarily based on the presumption that natalie carries [the antler queen] title until the group is rescued. crafted by (z)awn / twenty-one+ / neutral + feminine pronouns.

> due to the nature of the source, there will be contents of horror and gore with mentions of cannibalism. please be aware of this before you choose to follow. outwith canon interactions, i will primarily place threads throughout natalie's twenties and through her struggle with sobriety.

¹ info tba ² pinterest ³ sideblog

Visit Original Link

¹ vanessa palmer [@mau1ed] ² charlotte matthews [@prophet1c]

[waystelandmoved]

[waysteland.tumblr.com, an apocalyptic centred multimuse] people are talking about the apocalypse and the last judgement, because they do not know that there will be neither apocalypse nor last judgement… such things would serve no purpose since the world will quite happily fall apart by itself and go to wrack and ruin so that everything may begin again, and so proceed 𝑎𝑑 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑚, and this is as perfectly clear-—

as our helpless orbiting in space: once started it cannot be stopped. -— homecoming

[antiler]

love natalie so much <3

[whichcouldmeanothing]

YELLOWJACKETS 2x09 “Storytelling”

[trueblu3-a]

      STARTER CALL.

you step from the makeshift shed you all constructed to hold what little bit of meat you have left out into the depressing world outside   (   inside,   you   &   jackie are safe,   trading stories,   braiding hair,   laughing...   ).   the moonlight reflects sharply on the fresh white powder that crunches beneath your feet,   it's the only sound you can hear until––   the creek of cabin,   it throws you back slightly.   " shit. "   arms across your chest,   you stare at the source of the noise:   @antiler.   she looks to you   &   you can feel your shoulders tense up.   " i- "   looking to explain yourself feels pointless,   but pointless isn't as bad as the awkwardness you feel with her catching you in the act   (   in the coping act   ).   " i just miss her.   please...   please don't tell anyone you saw me out here. "

[antiler]

she was out there for hours at a time, whole days would pass and you wouldn't even question where shauna could be. you can't blame her, the cabin sucked the life out of you, the solitude of hunting had been welcomed despite returning empty handed day after day, the only residue on rifle from false shots in the midst of your own hallucinations. [the white buck was out there, you knew it was. could not let yourself succumb to the same defeat you had allowed your heart to give to javi] nightfall provided quiet, the snow glitters back at you until it reaches shauna's shadow, and you take a breath— “they already know you come out here.” there were whispers, teenage girls talk and in the dead of winter, people notice a body missing around the fire. you did not mean for it to come off as harsh, but the truth spilled before you had a chance to consider how it might sound. arms cross, body shifting to create warmth even beneath wooden patio. “—i won't say anything. promise.”

[antiler]

smth about javi dying to save natalie vs natalie dying to save lisa

[antiler]

i know i know we don’t need lord of the flies references but there is something special about the idea that the antler queen isn’t any of the girls at all but rather a shared hallucination and belief similar to pig head

[mau1ed]

there's a gentle smile tugging at the corners of van's lips at the teasing question & it feels ... foreign, almost wrong to spare something so buoyant in the midst of this desolate world they were now living in. how could they muster up the strength to still smile & laugh when the chance of ever making it home grew more slim with each passing day.  ❛ of course not. ❜ there's truth laced into their words. eventually they would get something, anything right ? lot thinks so ... maybe van was just chasing down anything that could silence the fears she didn't want to feel ━ even if that person is another seventeen year old who may be suffering the most mentally out of any of them.  ❛ i've always believed in you, scatorccio. ❜ more alike than some of the other girls may realize, the two have always been on the outsides just barely inching across the barrier that separates their class from the others. a longer, deeper bond that's not seen as often, but van allows natalie to see more of home than even taissa gets to see. was the first person who knew they were ... different. you don't forget the first person who made you feel safe in your own skin.

they can't imagine what she feels like because it wasn't natalie's fault she went out & came back empty. cannot place the blame of the winter on the back of a girl, but when that girl was the hunter, she was sure nat was beating herself up more than anyone else was. but frustrating as it was, there was nothing they could do, no magic to conjure to keep their bellies full.  ❛ tell me about it. ❜ she murmurs with a quiet almost chuckle.  ❛ and don't worry, the floorboards upstairs are just as bad we're not living the life up there. ❜ this is what van is good at, offering jokes & jests to attempt to break the heaviness of whatever situation was at hand.  ❛ we get out of here ? we'll be paying for sleeping on these floors when we're forty. ❜ it's cold & bleak outside of the four walls of their makeshift home, but she'll keep the faith of getting out of here for all of them even if it got harder to do with ever growl of her stomach & shiver down her spine.

[antiler]

“no shit? i think we need some kind of democracy, kick coach out of the bed.” does wiskayok miss you like you missed it? you did not miss the interior, the ugly behind the face. but in the harsh winter you close your eyes and you can remember the summer's spent lying in the unkept grass outside the trailer, of the welcomed bugs that crawled over skin to remind you that maybe life is beautiful; or in the creek with bottles passing hands, music bouncing off of trees. you wonder if it will still be your home when/if you are rescued, or if its snapping jaws will drive you away for good. there is something unsettling in your memories, discarded bones in the river, spat out by an unwanting family and the echo of a shot rifle. you thought it fitting now, to have become the hunter whose once shaky hands forgot about the safety; forced to become a girl who sweats out a fever, the redsoaked skin beneath fingernails. you try and laugh, think about the future that awaits you upon arrival and yet it provides you no comfort. if you make it, if you make it out alive, if you make it out alive and not fucked up. seemed like a far off fever dream but you didn't say it, you didn't say that you don't think you'll ever make it to forty. “you think? i think that somewhere i'll be comfortable and can afford a chiropractor who can just beat the shit out of my back for me.”

your house had always been an open mouth, waiting to swallow you whole. your whole world for years at a time, where you learned to be at war with yourself and hide every real piece beneath a heavy exterior; everyone knows what goes on in a house with closed curtains, but nobody wants to do anything to save the burning girl inside. it is van who understood, who was raised on the same shit brown carpet and ticking clock. it's easier to be yourself, [bleeding heart and all] to speak without fear of someone truly knowing you inside and out. you all entered the wilderness and you do not think you will ever return. you are scared that out there, no one is looking for you. [you remind yourself that it is unlikely, own mother's disinterest will be over powered by other family's desperation] you are also scared that there will come a time where you won't be needed anymore, and all your fight will extinguish. god bore you hungry, you choked on your thanks and swore to disbelieve. the wilderness gave you nothing, you think you will die here. in the dying light of the fire, you speak, ask the question on your mind to the one person you know will understand your concern. “—do you think anyone is looking for us? just us?”

[antiler]

looking back there is something so obvious as to why natalie would be the first person to pull the queen. hunter turned hunted, the nonbeliever. it also shows how even though natalie was one of the only providers outside of eating each other, she was disposable to the game. how the only reason she survived was through someone being weaker and more compassionate than her—javi risking it all to save her. and how 25 years later, when she is finally able to accept healing into her life Through lottie, the wilderness comes to collect

[antiler]

in my mind travis and natalie do not have any kind of romantic relationship post rescue. i do believe they both leaned on each other through active addiction and sobriety for awhile but there was nothing more than that

[antiler]

my sideblog is up!

[sweatermuppet]

from march 24 2022

[Text ID: weren't you once a daughter with a hunting rifle? is it the blood that makes you a man? /End ID]

[prophet1c]

@antiler said: did you really think this is the right thing to do ?

“  yes,  i  do.  ”  tone  even,  blanket  snatched  from  the  other’s  grasp.  tattered  sleeve  of  her  jacket  is  pressed  to  the  crimson  stain  that  had  dripped  from  shauna’s  nose,  blood  transferred  to  an  already  soiled  garment,  keeping  his  clean  the  best  she  could  (  unborn  and  she  still  bears  that  weight  for  him  .  .  .  for  them  all  ).  purple  thread  of  a  hanged  man  symbol  remained  stained.  she  never  meant  to  hurt  anyone’s  feelings,  least  of  all  shauna’s.  had  leaned  into  the  hope  that  her  baby  could  bring  with  his  arrival  but  knew  it  all  hung  on  just  that  -  a  child  that  didn’t  cry  from  its  first  breaths  of  life  would  cause  their  collective  fractured  spine  to  shatter.  “  it’s  to  protect  him,  and  shauna  too.  ”  and  if  nat  the  non  believer  didn’t  see  it  that  way  then  so  be  it,  but  lottie  gazed  into  the  night  that  blanketed  the  wilderness  they  called  home,  she  knew  that  it  was  far  more  than  wolves  that  stared  back.  they  were  still  so  close  to  prey  in  a  sea  of  ghostly  predators.  “  it’s  protected  all  of  us,  hasn’t  it?  i  want  them  both  to  be  okay,  just  as  much  as  you  do  .  .  .  ”

[antiler]

“we found it on a dead guys corpse, lottie.” harsh choice of words, that you know, and regret swarms overhead as if thousands of flies attracted to a carcass. it had become a day of distraction, busy hands stopped idle minds in their tracks, for a day they got to exist and have reprieve from constant considerations of where the next meal would come from, why nobody had found them yet, and if they ever will. alone you had trekked through snow, no path unsoiled from human foot but all other signs of life has disappeared with the winter chill: today was supposed to be different. but the blanket, the harsh reality of a new arrival paired with a symbol that had been carved into bark, to a cabin where one man found no salvation— you hadn't meant to laugh, your whole body was a wound— roots ripped out and left you meaningless before; you found it now, as you were sure as did lottie, only that you could not find it in yourself to conjure up a world where it was not just you against the world. there was no protection, no wilderness saving you all. “you have to understand why shauna doesn't want it. the guy fucking died, and birds decided to nosedive into our roof after she got a fucking nosebleed.”

[antiler]

thinking about van's description of the wilderness — "it was beautiful, and full of life, but it was also lonely and violent and misunderstood," and how perfectly it actually corrosponds with natalie

[antiler]

every time i rewatch nat’s crowning i pay so much attention to van. how she almost kisses nat’s hand but then instead holds it to her scar. how much more intimate it is. thinking about how up until this scene, there is no hint of natalie fully accepting the wilderness. it being both her crowning and her fall

[antiler]

shes so the archer this is me trying chelsea letter to an old poet

[antiler]

haunted by nat seeing her younger self on the plane. the ‘we’ve been here for years’. natalie has always been dead and she will always keep dying. she was the first to choose the queen of hearts, she was supposed to die then. she was supposed to die out in the wilderness and part of her did— her younger self just waiting for the other to catch up in the state of limbo. it’s also kinda came back around — the queen of hearts still killed her 25 years later