ᵗʰᵉ ʰⁱᵉʳᵒᵖʰᵃⁿᵗ

ᵗʰᵉ ʰⁱᵉʳᵒᵖʰᵃⁿᵗ

[prophet1c]

𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒉𝒆𝒕1𝒄 [ . . . ] girlhood // girlrot . lottie matthews of yellowjackets as explored by harley [ 25+ , est , she/her ] triggering themes such as cannibalism , cult sacrifice , mental illness/crisis and martyrdom will be heavily present here. written throughout canon girlhood , queendom , adulthood , and everything in between. heavily affiliated with @antiler and @mau1ed 𝒔𝒉𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅, 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔

[prophet1c]

do you ever think about how lottie said “we tried to kill you”, including herself in the narrative as she crowns natalie even though she was agains the idea of a hunt and didn’t participate in it. she holds guilt equally, and compared to some, even heavier.

[antiler]

@prophet1c asked: why won’t you let me help you ?

you stood firmly on the opposite side of the room, arms crossed defensively over chest. help seemed like such a far off reality, you cannot see through the mist of your hunger for how anything lottie had been saying could help you; you were damned, you had been long before the plane crash landed and exposed all of your hurt. you all had your roles, chores assigned and the whistle of the wind had brought you nothing but failure, returning back to the cabin empty handed. the tenderness of your friends had been lost with the time that passed, the blood in mouth, choking on crimson rivers night after night in your dreams, the guilt that may as well have ate you alive from the moment flesh burned; the wilderness gave, but you were not willing to receive. it saw right through you, desperation had you seeing a white elk: the answer to your prayers, how it buried itself in the carcass of the plane, as if it saw you too, just for it to disappear into the mist. already thought that you were going insane from the ache in your abdomen, cold penetrating your heart and your words, and the loneliness of the cabin did not dissapate that feeling, watching the girls from the warmth of the fire praying to whatever gods she was preaching.

“jesus fucking christ, lottie, you're not helping anyone.” the help had left you crouched over a dead friend, the act of devouring, the way it left you wanting. “people are bored, they are hungry. you think prayer circles are going to help me? having one actual successful hunt this winter will help me. ask the wilderness for that.”

[prophet1c]

the  taste  in  her  mouth  had  never  been  malice,  nothing  bitter  grew  inside  of  her  like  black  mold  flooding  the  walls  of  an  old  creaky  house  (  it’s  disgust  in  herself,  in  what  she’s  become,  what  natalie  despises!  )    no,  lottie  remains  calm,  a  somberness  forever  weighing  heavy  in  the  form  of  a  handcrafted  crown  on  her  head  -  one  she  never  wanted  placed  there.  can’t  understand,  had  never  wanted  to,  and  she’s  not  quite  sure  she  does  herself  but  without  something  to  believe  in  they’d  all  have  made  this  home  a  tomb  by  now,  larvae  feasting  on  the  malnourished  bones  of  girls  robbed  of  girlhood,  eventually  stumbled  upon  years  down  the  road,  long  after  the  search  had  stopped  (  had  it  ever  begun?  )  no  malice,  but  her  jaw  still twitches  to  grind  chattering  teeth  together,  dry  lips  parting  to  speak  in  a  whisper  meant  to  quiet  the  other  as  well  (  keep  their  attention  on  the  glow  of  the  fire,  they  cracked  under  the  pressure  of  each  chisel  that  deepened  their  group’s  divide  -  they  had  been  a  team  once  .  .  .  )

“  i’m  hungry  too  .  .  .  ”  just  seventeen  too  -  how  many  of  their  birthdays  had  passed  already?  “  but  you’re  the  one  with  the  gun.  ”  the  unwilling  huntress,  it  knew  the  part  natalie  played  in  this  elaborate  game,  the  refusing  participant  caused  punishment  for  the  masses,  barren  land.  jackie  was  a  taste  -  a  tease  -  of  how  they’d  survive  if  they  just  gave  in  (  but  it’s  not  who  they  are  .  .  .  can’t  be  .  .  there’s  still  civility  in  their  bones  )  “  let  them  have  hope,  that’s  all  we  have  -  let  yourself.  ”

[shadowhaert]

William Arrowsmith's translation of Euripides (1958)

@lgbtqcreators challenge | free space + black and white

[perfectionreached]

taissa was just so tired. both physically and mentally. does she even have the strength anymore to refuse the help of someone she knows will understand? is that the hill she's really willing to die on now? already being here was tough enough, but she was here, wasn't she ... turning around wasn't an option anymore. not only that, but the thought of leaving specifically shauna and van here ... tai wouldn't do that. "you better have locks on the doors if we're all spending the night," she warns, a pit of pain developing inside of her. there was no way she was going to sleep tonight. "i ... could i talk to you about it? i just don't know what else to do."

[prophet1c]

“  you  don’t  have  to  stay.  ”  hadn’t  been  invited  in  the  first  place  -  it  was  she  who  invaded  the sanctity  that  lottie  had  found  for  herself  after  all.  they’d  make  due  with  one  less  number,  had  picked  them  off  one  by  one  in  childhood  anyway.  an  intruder  and  yet  taissa  turner  is  still  given  the  warmth  that  lot  had  selfishly  harnessed  inside  of  her,  conserved  for  her  own  use  in  a  particularly  cold  (  cruel  cruel  cruel!  )  world,  a  hand  pressed  firmly,  lovingly  to  her  shoulder.  they  had  been  friends  once,  still  considered  her  so  in  spite  of  it  all  (  the  time  .  .  .  the  distance  .  .  .  )  “  you  can  always  talk  to  me,  taissa.  ”  squeeze  is  gentle  in  reassurance,  steady  sigh  breathed  slowly  through  her  nostrils  with  a  tilt  of  her  head,  it’s  sympathy  that  darkens  chocolate  orbs,  understanding  “  what’s  going  on?  ”

[munchmemes]

hozier lyrics, unreal unearth edition

❛  your reflection can't offer a word to the bliss of not knowing yourself. ❜

❛  no closer could i be to god or why he would do what he's done. ❜

❛  what you live in, it finds a way to live in you. ❜

❛  your heart has such darkness. ❜

❛  i wanna be gone. i wanna run so far, i'd beat the morning. ❜

❛  before the dawn has come, i'd block the sun if you want it done. ❜

❛  let all time slow. let all light go. ❜

❛  i don't need to know where we begin and end. ❜

❛  i'd still know you, not being shown you. ❜

❛  the first time that you kissed me, i drank dry the river lethe. the liffey would have been softer on my stomach all the same. ❜

❛  some part of me must have died the first time that you called me baby. ❜

❛  some part of me came alive the first time that you called me baby. ❜

❛  these days, i think, i owe my life to flowers that were left here by my mother. ain't that like them? gifting life to you again. ❜

❛  oh, to share the space with simple living things infinitely suffering but fighting off, like all creation, the absence of itself ... but anyway. ❜

❛  some part of me stayed alive each time that you called. ❜

❛  whatever keeps you around, it keeps you around. ❜

❛  when i was young i used to guess, are there limits to any emptiness? ❜

❛  how could you think i'd scare so easily? ❜

❛  my life was a storm since i was born. how could i fear any hurricane? ❜

❛  i would do it again if i could hold you for a minute. ❜

❛  what good would it be on the far side of things? ❜

❛  i would not change it each time. ❜

❛  heaven is not fit to house a love like you and i. ❜

❛  i feel lighter than i have in so much time. ❜

❛  how could i fall when i am lifted by every word you say to me? ❜

❛  if anything could fall at all, it's the world that falls away from me. ❜

❛  if you need to, lean your weight to me. ❜

❛  if we fall, i only pray, don't fall away from me. ❜

❛  i'm starving, darling. let me put my lips to something. ❜

❛  you can't buy this fineness. ❜

❛  we can celebrate the good that we've done. ❜

❛  we had nowhere to go and every desire for going there. ❜

❛  i heard once, it's the comforts that make us feel numb. ❜

❛  it was just our turn being blamed for a world we had no power in. ❜

❛  i haven't felt it since then. i don't know how the feeling ended. ❜

❛  i know being reckless and young is not how the damage gets done. ❜

❛  we knew what our love was worth when we had nothing. ❜

❛  i miss when we did not need much. ❜

❛  you were steering my heart like a wheel in your hands. ❜

❛  all i needed was someone when the whole wide world felt young. ❜

❛  hold me like water or hold me like a knife. ❜

❛  you and i burned out our steam chasing someone else's dream. ❜

❛  how can something be so much heavier but so much less than what it seems? ❜

❛  you only feel it when it's lost. getting through still has its cost. ❜

❛  if there was anyone to ever get through this life with their heart still intact, they didn't do it right. ❜

❛  we didn't get it right but we did our best. ❜

❛  knowing that everything will end should not change our plans. ❜

❛  all things end. ❜

❛  there are some things that no one teaches you that come natural as a dream you didn't know that you were in. ❜

❛  the awful things we do to make the head go quiet. ❜

❛  you may never know your fortune until the distance has been shown between what is lost forever and what can still be known. ❜

❛  i don't wanna be anything but i would do anything just to run away. ❜

❛  go look another way. ❜

❛  look, i wanna be loud. so loud, i'm talking seismic. ❜

❛  i will not be great but i'm grateful to get through. ❜

❛  the memory hurts but does me no harm. ❜

❛  the moment i knew i'd no choice but to love you. ❜

❛  there's a part of me, i'm afraid will always be trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life. ❜

❛  you know, the distance never made a difference to me. ❜

❛  so, i thought you were like an angel to me. ❜

❛  it ain't the being alone. it ain't the empty home. you know i'm good on my own. ❜

❛  so much of the living is the being unknown. ❜

❛  do you know i could break beneath the weight of the goodness i still carry for you? ❜

❛  there are some people who are better unknown. ❜

❛  darkness always finds you either way. ❜

❛  after this, i'm never gonna be the same and i am never going back again. ❜

[antiler]

“we found it on a dead guys corpse, lottie.” harsh choice of words, that you know, and regret swarms overhead as if thousands of flies attracted to a carcass. it had become a day of distraction, busy hands stopped idle minds in their tracks, for a day they got to exist and have reprieve from constant considerations of where the next meal would come from, why nobody had found them yet, and if they ever will. alone you had trekked through snow, no path unsoiled from human foot but all other signs of life has disappeared with the winter chill: today was supposed to be different. but the blanket, the harsh reality of a new arrival paired with a symbol that had been carved into bark, to a cabin where one man found no salvation— you hadn't meant to laugh, your whole body was a wound— roots ripped out and left you meaningless before; you found it now, as you were sure as did lottie, only that you could not find it in yourself to conjure up a world where it was not just you against the world. there was no protection, no wilderness saving you all. “you have to understand why shauna doesn't want it. the guy fucking died, and birds decided to nosedive into our roof after she got a fucking nosebleed.”

[prophet1c]

“  yeah,  and  who’s  cabin  are  we  in,  nat?  without  this  place  we’d  all  be  dead.  ”  she  wouldn’t  talk  further  sense,  there  wasn’t  much  of  it  to  be  had  but  the  truth  of  the  matter  was,  despite  the  disbelievers,  they  would  have  never  made  it  this  long  without  the  help  they  obtained  -  without  the  protection  of  the  very  symbol  shauna  deemed  would  curse  her  baby.  “  i  get  that  you’re  scared  for  her,  we  all  are  .  .  .  but  if  there’s  something,  anything  that  can  help  ensure  we  don’t  lose  them,  who  are  you  to  deny  it?  ”  wasn’t  so  sure  herself,  the  sacrifice  it  took,  would  take,  to keep  them  all  safe  -  but  there  were  no  better  options.  for  someone  so  against  what  seemed  to  work,  natalie  hadn’t  brought  any  saving  graces  to  their  table.  they’d  work  with  what  they  were  blessed  with,  would  spill  her  own  blood  for  them  if  it  was  what  kept  her  team  safe.  there’s  care  in  the  way  frozen  fingers  fold  along  poorly  stitched  edges  (  in the end,  it  was  a  gift  from  a  friend  given  with  pure  intention  -  she  never  meant  to  hurt  any  of  them  )  fabric  pressed  firmly  into  her  pocket  for  safe  keeping.  lottie’s  attention  finally  falls  onto  natalie,  stoic  in  her  expression  despite  the  gained,  painful  weight  of  another’s  continued  disappointment  (  she’s  not  crazy!  )   “  and  maybe  we’ll  actually  get  to  eat  tonight  because  of  it.  ”   

[fouralarm-fire-deactivated20240]

Simone Kessell as Lottie Matthews

YELLOWJACKETS | 2.02 "EDIBLE COMPLEX"

[prophet1c]

lottie in the middle of the wilderness vs her loxapine withdrawal period

[prophet1c]

a reminder that the girls not only invited themselves into the commune, but lottie told them to go home, warned them, and *they* insisted on staying

[prophet1c]

howl, florence and the machine (lotties version)

[prophet1c]

lottie actively choosing girlhood, wanting to remain herself and more importantly keep her friends safe from a side of her she doesn't know, would prefer to die there amongst the trees and become a part of them than go home and reassimilate into a world where she'd be forever haunted vs lottie forced into godliness, primarily by a girl with vile intention, used to twist their survival into something it wasn't, something violent and unlike any of them and something that was placed entirely on her shoulders while it was actually no fault of her own

[prophet1c]

they all had wilderness birthdays that went uncelebrated :/

[antiler]

⠀⠀ it was in you, nat. ⠀⠀ it was in you even when you denied it. especially then.  ⠀⠀ by zawn⠀21+⠀gmt

[mau1ed]

oh ... but doesn't she know she didn't have to ? maybe it wasn't fair of them, no, van knows it wasn't fair of them. they made a god out of a girl who never asked that of them nor wanted it. starving, exhausted, & slowly losing faith they needed something, anything, to believe in. at the time it unfortunately happened to be @prophet1c. she regretted it now with knowing what she knows, wished so badly they hadn't put so much pressure on a girl who was already cracking, but at seventeen ... they didn't know any better. what van did know is that weird shit happened out there & lottie always knew & lottie tried to protect them. lottie, lottie, lottie. VAN ALWAYS BELIEVED IN HER. still believed in her, would break her out of whatever psych ward the other four were planning on locking her up in because just like at seventeen she needed her.  ❛ i know. ❜ a shaky exhale leaves her, rocking on her heels in an attempt to self soothe. she's thought about it, sure, knew being in their presence again would bring out things she's spent the last two decades shoving down. always thought it would be taissa that knocked her on her ass ... until she saw her standing at the water.

 ❛ you never asked & neither did we. ❜ she admitted, shoving hands deep in her pockets ━ god she wishes they hadn't had to empty them would give anything to nervously fiddle with that stupid fucking novelty pen she'd slipped in there earlier.  ❛ i'm sorry for that, lot. ❜ she doesn't know how much weight that carries from someone who had all but dropped off the face of the earth, but she meant it.  ❛ i'm asking this time. i need you lottie. i need your help. ❜

prompt: i never asked for that .

[prophet1c]

 it  was  the  solitude  after  rescue,  a  parish  renouncing  their  faith  leaving  the  priestess  to  rot  with  her  church,  that  was  what  broke  lottie.  horrors  kept  lips  mute,  the  promise  to  never  speak  of  it  again,  and  as  currents  of  electricity  fried  painfully  across  her  veins  to bring  life  to  a  mind  stuck  somewhere  in  the  canadian  wilderness  she  learned  dissociation  better  than  she  had  ever  known  before.  and  they  didn’t  reach  out  -  no  longer  found  importance  in  the  girl  who  they  forced  into  godliness,  who  they  robbed  of  girlhood  and  refused  to  let  die  no  matter  how  strong  her  will  to  become  a  part of  them.  to have  her  bones  buried  there  amongst   the  trees  that  beckoned  her  home.  no  longer  theirs  to  do  with  what  they  wished,  and  no  longer  needed.  how  unfair  of  them  now  to  invade  a  new  sacred  land  and  yet  she  finds  no  malice  when  she  looks  at  van  palmer,  never  had  it  in  her  to  learn  to  hate  any  of  them,  especially  not  the  girl  who  offered  friendship  over  loyalty.  the  woman  standing  before  her  took  her  own  path  into  solitude,  but  neither  would  ever  forget,  couldn’t,  they  still digested  the  flesh  they  had  feasted  on.

“  that’s  not  an  ask.  ”  it’s  a  statement,  something  that  borderlines  demand.  need  was  a  powerful  word,  they  had  never  needed  her,  only  something  to  believe  in.  lottie was  a  relic  but  formality  doesn’t  let  denial  taint  her  heart.  “  you're  sick  .  .  .  ”  can  see  the  grey  in  cheeks  that  once  burned  red  even  as  they  slowly  starved  to  death  ,  when  they  were  kids  her  freckles  had  always  made  her  face  so  warm  (  real  or  imaginary,  the  void  she  saw  consuming  an  old  friend’s  insides?  did  the  others  see  it  too?  )  “  how  long  has  it  been?  ”

[holysanctum]

"do you think people are really going to find us like jackie's says?"i walk down the path, arms full of laundry from the line. it's night now and the clothes have dried."it's been two weeks.. i-i.. i keep praying--"a feeling in my stomach bubbles, something confusing and guilty."but.. but nothing, and i'm scared, @prophet1c ... really scared. what if.. .... no, i shouldn't- forget it! we should get these clothes back to the camp..."

[ sc. * laura lee. ]

[prophet1c]

“  hey,  don’t  do  that  to  yourself  .  .  .  ”  concern  furrows  a  knot  in  between  her  brows,  wide  brown  hues  narrowing  in  on  the  petite  blonde  “  jackie  says  a  lot  of  things,  but  this  time  i  believe  her.  they’ll  find  us,  laura  lee,  i  can  feel  it.  ”  white  lies  told  to placate  a  worried  mind  were  in  good  faith,  she  wouldn’t  admit  that  her  chest  ached  with  knowing  -  wasn’t  even  sure  they  were  looking.  “  it’ll  just  take  a  little  longer,  we’ll  be  alright.  ”

[derangedrhythms]

Natalie Haynes, from 'Stone Blind'