I don't know what to call it

I'm not good at blogging. I can't ever remember to update it, I don't have anything exciting to post, EVER, and when I do, I don't know what to say. :P

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Grayridge

Last night was the best night I've had in a very long time. We didn't even do anything either. We smoked a couple b's, had a few beers, went to grayridge and smoked a couple more b's. There were 5 of us total. And it wasn't the beer or weed I liked, I was just happy to finally be around people for a change. I hate social anxiety. :[

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Adulthood?

I just finished a contract job, kind of a little project thing, and made $200. Take away all the money for bills and crap, I have about $20 left. Isn't adulthood fun? ~.~

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Stranger?

There's some strange gurl asleep on my couch. I've never seen her before and I'm the only one home. What?

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I miss my friend

My neighbor killed my cat a few weeks ago. I'd press charges, but the whole "innocent until proven guilty" thing only works for people who are complete cuntnuggets. RIP Grim. I love you buddy.

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Letter Never Sent

You were everything to me. The thought of you kept me up at night. You’re smile would brighten the depths of my soul. We were amazing together. When you chose him, you ripped away a part of me, the part of me that was unmeasurably happy when you were near. You kept that part and threw me away. You told me to stay away. I don’t blame you. I could never blame you for following your heart. I don’t love you like I did, but it kills me, seeing you miserable with him. He still doesn’t know you like I do. When we see each other, I see the sadness and regret you try to hide. The false smile he can’t see through. I would have given you the world. A world of wonder and adventure, excitement and love. I guess it wasn’t meant to be. I’m not writing this to make you feel guilty or ashamed. I’m writing this to thank you. The memories with you are some of the best in my life. I’ll never forget our crazy midnight rides in the country or dancing by the river or singing our song together. I will always love you. You were my destiny, but life had other plans for us. I hope you find what your looking for, but my journey takes me elsewhere. I only ask that you don’t hold a grudge against me, or yourself. That you don’t regret the past, but look fondly back while moving forward. You are and always will be one of the brightest stars in my sky. Forever.

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80 Freakin degrees and it’s not even May yet. God kill me now ~.~

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If Satan were family

    Okay, so, maybe I’m no good with a blog. But I need to vent and it’s here. I live with my little brothers. A while back I lost my job and my middle brother [let’s call him Dan] got one at the local grocery shop. Well my youngest brother [we’ll call him Satan...or Jake] got into a lot of trouble with the police about a year and a half ago. Not going into detail, but he had gotten several felony charges. I had been saving up some money to take us all, and a couple friends, to a semi-expensive scare house [this was around Halloween.]  I had to use all that money for his bail and he promised to repay me. Well that was Oct 2013. Since then, he’s gotten and lost a job at a truck stop, but i haven’t gotten a single dime from him. 

    That’s not the bad part. The bad part is that I let him use my car to get to work and back. He had just gotten 2 jobs, one at a local restaurant, and one at a restaurant in another town. Well, I had my mothers name on the car too since she helped me buy it, so when she told Jake he could use the car, I had to let him. Jake is a reckless asshole. He is a good friend but a bad brother. He’ll do anything for a friend, up to but not including donating a kidney. But when family needs him, he won’t do shit. He thinks family is a one way street. We are here to provide for HIM. Like when mom needed help moving after hurting her back, he promised her he would, but then when it was time, he told her he couldn’t because he didn’t want to. He gave her 10 dollars instead to “help buy cleaning supplies.” I went to help her instead and when we got back to the house, he asked for his money back, and got mad that we used it. Well, back on point, I’ve been letting him use my car and he’s taken it over. He hides the key when he’s home and takes it with him when he leaves with his friends so that “I won’t use any of HIS gas HE  bought.” Well recently, he totaled my car. Texting and driving. [Which isn’t illegal where I live] Now instead of using his money to help repair my car, he’s saving enough for a down payment on his own. Mom says there’s nothing she can do about it, and the insurance won’t get me another one because we had liability only.

I ALWAYS come out with the short straw in this family. When we were little, Dan and I would be off playing somewhere, and baby Jake would start fake crying. When mother would come to check on him, he would say that we hit him. Mother would never believe me or Dan, and in most cases, I was the bad guy. This is still pretty much true. Jake lies about me for his amusement. When he was in HS, he told his teachers that I beat him 3 times a week. He tells his friends I’m gay. He punched a hole in the wall in the living room and told grandma that I did it. He has been tormenting me my entire life. I have SEVERE social-anxiety and chronic depression. I have a hard time getting out and talking to people. My last relationship lasted 2 weeks and was 4 years ago. I know I sound jealous here but Jake makes friends easily. He gets a lot of girlfriends, and people generally like him [for reasons I can’t understand.] He has everything that I’ve ever wanted. Not only does he rub this in my face, but if I have something he wants, he’ll take it. He stole my old laptop, my stereo system, my NDS, my games, my futon, my trashcan, and god knows what else. He stole mom’s wedding ring and gave it to an old girlfriend to get laid, then broke up with her after 4 days. He is extremely narcissistic, and has a temper worse than anyone else I’ve ever met. Like if I would refuse to let him take my car to a city that’s 2 hours from here, he would puff out his chest like a blow fish, breathe heavy through his nose, and start throwing punches. He’s one of the most horrible people I’ve ever met. Dan can’t stand him either. Jake is the black sheep in this family and he thinks he’s 10 meters tall and bulletproof. Yet everyone seems to think he’s a godsend. Probably because of my mom. I love my mother but she had a horrible way of dealing with us. If she didn’t want to deal with a problem, she wouldn’t. Like when Jake was sneaking out of the house at night when he was 14, mother grounded him from going out and wouldn’t let him watch tv. He would just sneak out anyway and just plop down beside her when she was watching tv. She didn’t know how to punish him, so she never did. She quit trying. He would get everything he wanted but would never get in trouble for anything. Meanwhile, if me or Dan did anything wrong, we’d get spanked or grounded or something. We still have this problem today. When I was talking to mother just a few minutes ago about him not paying for wrecking my car, she said “Well, what do you want me to do about it?” I can’t take him to court or anything because her name was on the car too. I have no options. No money. No car. Even if I found a job, I wouldn’t be able to get there. Jake has dug a bottomless pit of trouble and I’m the one falling in and can’t climb out. ~.~

Anyone know what I should do about this?

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Introduction

Hey everyone! :] My name is Ric, I’m a 23 year old male. I like gaming, books, television, and rollerblading. I live with my 2 younger brothers, both of which drive me insane. I have a cat I call Grim. He’s crazy. Uhm... idk what else to put here. Uhm, I'm just gonna kind of use this as a journal type thing. I’m not good at journals, i never can remember to write in them and my life is too boring for a journal. Now again I need to vent and I thought this could also be a good outlet.