I can’t believe that even from such a young age, we become so used to being hard on ourselves—so afraid of letting other people down, even when we didn’t fully understand what “letting someone down” meant. Always walking on eggshells.
Now, when I recall incidents like these, I try to remind myself that it’s not too late, that I can do it. Yet instinctively, I am left with the same hollow feeling again.
Part of this might be because elders and mentors often expect us to do things on our own and learn everything without guidance from a very young age. But whatever the reason may be, I truly hope that the next generation questions this. I hope everyone learns to feel that they are running at their own pace, not competing with anyone else.
There might be a chess master at three years old with a rating of 1100, and there might be another three-year-old who has just learned to differentiate between a tomato and a potato. I think both are just as beautiful. Both children are trying their best.
To discriminate between the two would be the death of the innocence that child possesses.
I vaguely remember an incident from Grade Two.
My sports teacher asked if anyone was interested in joining a state-level school skating competition. Those who wanted to participate would have to come early in the morning to practice. I remember him mentioning that whoever joined should be genuinely interested in the sport and not participate just to bunk classes.
Well, six-year-old Anulipi didn’t think so.
Even before I could ask my parents for permission to come to school early in the morning, I reminded myself that I had no prior experience in skating competitions. I couldn’t gather the courage to speak to my parents because I believed I didn’t deserve it—that someone better than me did.
I remember regretting it so deeply. I wished I had started skating earlier, because it was something I was genuinely interested in. I wanted to be good at it, to participate in events, to receive appreciation at award ceremonies. Because let’s be real—we were taught to measure our worth through applause.
Now, when I think about it, it makes me laugh—but it also makes me sad for my younger self. I missed out on so many opportunities when I had the spirit to try, simply because I believed I didn’t deserve them or that I didn’t have enough time.
So, to anyone who thinks they don’t have enough time—you do have enough time, just not enough to waste.
