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[anxiousteacher]

[anxiousteacher]

The annual wishlist post in which broke teachers ask for people to buy them things… I’m not above it.

Check out my list on Amazon

[anxiousteacher]

I just don’t feel well today. I didn’t sleep well and I’m very low energy. It’s the heat but I still feel guilty for lying around. I will hopefully find the energy to clean the bathroom today but the groceries will have to wait until tomorrow.

[anxiousteacher]

Time for another Tumblr therapy session.

Let’s go back about 17 years. I was a social person with lots of friends

Baby #1 comes. I still have quite a few friends.

Baby #2 comes. I have postpartum depression. I am surrounded by a lot of people in the different groups I’m part of who all look the other way while my arms are flailing and I start to drown. They don’t understand why I stop coming to hang out.

Now I have like one friend and maybe that’s why I’m close but don’t really like to plan things with her.

[anxiousteacher]

Images of the last few days. Forcing my kids to learn how to clean has been a highlight for me. Gibbie is going to college in two years and she has big dreams of moving away but little motivation to learn how to not live at home.

We also found a bbq place in a small village next to us. I love living on the edge of the city and being able to visit fun places.

[anxiousteacher]

Today I’m having an echocardiogram.

I’m sitting in the general waiting area. Boomers are very loud. They talk on the phone loud. They watch loud videos. Their ringtones are loud. And then they give dirty looks to the grandparents who are struggling to calm their bored and obviously disabled grandson.

I’m trying not to fight a boomer while trying to calm myself down from being overstimulated.

[anxiousteacher]

The teenager loves to take my phone and snap pictures of me when I’m not paying attention. I low-key think it’s funny but I won’t tell her that or she’ll stop.

[anxiousteacher]

I’m heading to a cardiologist this morning. I’ve been waiting since late April. My general doctor who I usually love but I’m starting to get annoyed with thinks my fainting a while back and general yucky feelings is my heart. My OBGYN who I love thinks it’s my ferritin and iron levels due to years of extremely heavy periods. I’ve been on birth control and iron supplements for two weeks. My period was lighter than usual and I’m assuming the iron is working how it’s supposed to work. I feel better but not wonderful. I’m still getting heart palpitations when I lay down at night and still have a general tiredness but not full on exhaustion like it was.

I worry that feeling better isn’t because of the medicine working but is just because I’m on summer break from work. I guess we’ll see what the cardiologist thinks.

[anxiousteacher]

Pictures I find in my phone that I know I didn’t take.

[anxiousteacher]

I feel like my gynecologist office has superior art compared to several of my other doctors’ offices.

I haven’t fainted since April 21 but it’s still a mystery as to why I fainted (the first was February 20). I still don’t feel as well as I think I should but I’m not terrible. Though I am 90% sure it’s my ferritin I’m still waiting to see a cardiologist to check other things.

My cardiologist appointment was yesterday but they said someone called me to cancel it. No one called me. I started thinking my phone had some block on unknown numbers because this has happened twice for two different doctors but there’s nothing blocked on my phone so I think people lie to avoid talking to patients.

Right now I’m going to have a surgery consult for a hysterectomy. I want it. I’ve wanted it for years. They finally agreed to it. However, it’s all going to depend on the cost and the timing. It might have to wait for next summer break.

[anxiousteacher]

Celebrating the love of my life today. I’m so lucky to have her in my life. I’m so glad I get to spend birthdays with my favorite person in the world.

[anxiousteacher]

My male doctor who I’ve loved for years is pissing me off lately.

My ferritin is incredibly low but he doesn’t believe that’s what has caused my fainting, hair loss, muscle cramps, brain fog, and fatigue. Nope. He’s convinced it’s my heart so I’m going to a cardiologist next week.

In good news, my gynecologist thinks that I would greatly benefit from a hysterectomy and I’ve only been asking for one for 11 years so I’m pretty happy! I’ll have a consultation with the surgeon next week and see if we can afford it.

[anxiousteacher]

I got my ten commandments.

I’m angry and sad. I put it in the wall behind my closet door and left the closet open.

I hate it here.

[anxiousteacher]

I hate Texas so much. They're forcing us to display the 10 commandments in every classroom. Districts don't have to pay for it and thankfully ours opted not to but we finally got some donated and now we have to do it. They haven't started handing them out at my school yet thankfully but they started putting them up at Gibbie's school. One of her teachers tore it off the wall and ripped it up. I'm so proud and I don't even know this man. I'm sure he's going to get reprimanded in some way for it. I wish I had the balls to do that. Instead I'm just going to buy posters of the five Buddhist precepts, five pillars of Islam, four aims of Hinduism, and the Wiccan rede.

[anxiousteacher]

It was a wild day in high school.

Four fights.

No WiFi for 6 out of 8 class periods.

But at least security was in the halls for two class periods. 🙄

[anxiousteacher]

My apologies for the misinformation. There were five fights yesterday. One apparently happened after school and I just heard about it today.

18 and a half more school days. We can do this.

[anxiousteacher]

It was a wild day in high school.

Four fights.

No WiFi for 6 out of 8 class periods.

But at least security was in the halls for two class periods. 🙄

[anxiousteacher]

Twice now I have had an anxiety attack that led to fainting. Once two months ago and again this morning.

I don’t know how much longer I can be a teacher.

I’m sure it’s just stress and I have an appointment next week with my doctor.

Anyone else have fainting spells? This time Gibbie apparently called my name a few times before I snapped awake again. I feel terrible that she had to do that.