Anything Advice Blog

You are not alone, we are here to help

[anything-advice-blog]

Advice for the touch-starved in these times of social distancing?

Call up your friends and do a lot of virtual hang outs!! It’s been rough all around so I hope everyone is doing well. Here are some things that have helped me

1. Netflix Party

2. Disney+ Party

3. Online puzzle with friends - you and a group of friends can do puzzles TOGETHER. Video chat together when you do this

4. Zoom drinking parties (if you’re of age and enjoy a glass of alcohol) 

These are just a few suggestions that can help you continue your relationship with friends/family. I know it’s not the touch you need but it can help you hold out for a little while longer. Just remind yourself that your safety and the safety of those around you matter. Even if it’s a little hard, if we work together, we can help reduce the infection rate until a cure or vaccination is found. <3

If anyone else has found something that works for them, please let us know!

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

Hey, I need some advice. My bf and I broke up 2 weeks ago because he said he didn’t feel as strongly as he thought he should after 2 months but said he wanted to be friends again one day. After some time apart I’ve realized I did some things, like shutting him out and not opening up that I wanted to own up to and apologize for. But I found out that he blocked me on everything. I’m confused and don’t know what to do because I feel guilty and like I should apologize because I still care about him

Hey love, 

I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope you’re doing okay. Breakups can be hard no matter how long you’ve been together. I get that you feel guilty for shutting him out and you want to explain and apologise for it. But I would encourage you to think about it before you make an apology. I am a big fan of self-dependence. I was alone for a long time and I learned to deal with things on my own. However, I don’t owe it to anyone to open up. If you’ve been together for a while, you can learn to but you shouldn’t apologise for being a little protective of your own feelings. It takes time to open up and that’s okay. I’m not saying to live forever in your shell. You should try to open up a piece of yourself to your friends every day no matter how small or insignificant that information is but no one has the right to press you for it. So don’t think that you are to blame for that. 

If you still want to explain and let him know you’re sorry you couldn’t let him in more, write him a letter. Do you have mutual friends? If so, ask someone to pass along your letter. If not, write it for yourself and burn it. Allow yourself to get those feelings out. Write it in a diary. I believe just writing it or talking to someone about it will help you feel better. It’ll help get those feelings out. 

I love you. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

Kelly’s blog post #2

Why don’t I ever stay on here for long? Because I also have mental health issues to deal with. As some of you may know, I had to leave this blog three years ago to do some soul searching and I’m doing better. A lot better. However, depression isn’t something you can cure. You can beat it enough to keep it dormant but it recovers and it comes back sometimes. Today is one of those days that my thoughts got the best of me. I felt underappreciated. I felt disrespected. I felt unloved. These feelings caused me to feel things that I’ve tired myself of feeling for the past decade. It’s an exhausting emotion to feel. Because I know deep down, I am not those things. I am loved. I am cared for but sometimes there aren’t enough words or actions in the world to quiet the voices. 

But I’m okay. I handle it better than I would’ve before. I recover faster than I would’ve before. I’m stronger now. I can take more than a few hits from my demons. I’m stronger than them. 

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

Hi I'm 14 and I made a Tumblr account but my parents don't know. I made it secretly cause my parents are very strict and religious. I made it for Steven universe fan content. But now I feel bad! Should I delete it?

Honestly, it’s up to you. You decide what you want to do. I know it never feels good to go against what your parents want but sometimes we need an outlet even if it means disappointing some people. As long as your outlet is healthy, I honestly don’t see an issue with it but for some people the guilt is stronger than the benefits of said outlet. So it’s up to you, honey. I want you to make a decision that you feel may be best for you. You’re technically not breaking any laws and Steven Universe isn’t a porn or violent addiction so to me you’re doing pretty okay. Decide why you wanted a Tumblr. What it’s importance is to you and weigh that between the cons of going against your parents wishes. Is it worth it? It might be. It might not be. Only you can figure that out. If you decide to keep it, it’s okay. Find some friends there. Be sure that you’re still making time to spend with your parents and your family. Don’t glue yourself on here. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

Someone said if someone is flattered that it doesn't mean anything romantic or anything. It means they dint like you. That they only said that cuz it is a nice thing to say and suppose a way to tell them I don't like you without them saying it. Do you agree with this or do you think it has diff meanings depending on the person?

I think it depends on the person. Usually, yeah it is a nice thing to say but I personally have never said it as a “I don’t like you.” When someone hangs out with me, I am flattered. I am grateful. They may not mean it as a “Oh, yeah, I am so flattered you find me attractive/funny/dateable” but it does mean as a “Thank you. I appreciate your time” So I still stand by my statement that it does not mean anything romantic but it does show kindness. Just because someone doesn’t love you, it doesn’t mean they don't appreciate your time. It also doesn’t mean that more time spent together won’t help those romantic feelings develop either. So context is the key. 

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

Hello! Recently I've been getting into a tv show and I've noticed myself becoming a bit fixated on it? To the point where I'm watching four episodes a day and I'm thinking about the show almost all the time. I know this is kind of considered "fandom culture" and I guess kind of "normal". But this is very new to me and I'm honestly kind of worried. I feel really bad about it because it's sucking up time I could be spending on more productive things, but also because it makes me feel bad in (1/2)

ways? It’s hard to describe, but it’s like longing. I know that sounds really weird, but I can’t think of any other way to describe it. I know it sounds like I’m describing a “hyper fixation” (at least to my knowledge), but I’m fairly neurotypical as far as I can tell. I would love any help you can give. (2/2) -Christa 

                                        ================

Hey Christa, 

Honestly, Netflix/Hulu/Prime/Disney+ are traps. I totally get it. I have spent an entire 14 hour day glued to the couch watching TV shows. It’s not terrible but it’s not great. Like you said, you are wasting valuable productive time. However, it’s okay to give yourself a break. So I would ask you to make a list of the productive things you want to accomplish in a day. And then create a schedule. That way, you can allow yourself to watch this show that you love and still accomplish what you need to. There is nothing wrong with being enamored with a TV show that you want to binge it. Everyone does it. It only becomes a problem when you neglect every other aspect of your life to watch it. If you are able to work, do house chores, cook, and socialize (tho we are having a distance right now), then you are okay. It’s okay to say “I’m going to spend the next four hours doing absolutely nothing.” I work four jobs. So I work from 8PM to 9AM every night usually. I wait tables form 11AM-3PM. In a day, I get 5 hours to do whatever I want and usually that’s sleep but sometimes that’s 3 hours of uninterrupted Netflix and a 2 hour nap. Then a lot of regrets later. But it helps me to unwind.

So that’s my tip to you. Make a list of what you want to do and work through it. It’s okay to still watch your TV shows. There is no shame in bingeing a show. We’ve all been there. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

There’s this guy i’ve been talking to for over a year now (he lives in canada me in us but only 2 hours away) sometimes we fall out and don’t talk but in my heart i know it’s who i really want to be with but after our last fall out he mentioned us being in two separate places and is being cold for about a month now do you think i should give up on this person?

Honestly, I cannot tell you to do one way or another. What do you think? Do you want to give up? 

Personally, I would ask myself if he feels the same way as I do and the only obstacle right now is the distance. If that's the case, I would confront him with my feelings and figure out where to go. Because we can beat around the bush forever and nothing will be solved. If I am rejected, I will at least then know that he doesn't love me the way I love him and I can finally give myself a reason to move on. I don’t want to live with what-if because I did for many years. I was lucky enough to revisit my life’s biggest what-if and received a second chance. So ask yourself if you’re willing to find out the truth and move on. If he does happen to feel the same, then you’ll know how each other feels. You can then navigate through the distance. Maybe you’ll make an effort to visit each other more often. You’re not too far from each other. If things go really well, maybe relocation is possible. Whatever the case, I support you in your decision. It can be hard and it can be painful. I am here for you if you need support. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

Kelly Blog post #1

I’m going to start a blog system so that way we can track when I am available to be online. Today has been one of many days since COVID19 began in the U.S.A. I teach children online in China so I’m aware of how bad the situation can get; therefore, I am not worried, scared, or panicked. The state where I live has not shut down yet. I work in a restaurant and I’m still required to go to work. It’s a little worrisome that I could get infected but I’m not as worried if I’m honest. 

If we go shut down, I will make an effort to be online more often. I currently work four jobs (four online teaching and waiting tables) so I keep fairly busy. I moved out last year and my boyfriend does not work. He is in school full time so I’m the sole earner. I’m doing my best to cover all of our basis for the next few months. My parents are also laid off along with my sister. In my current family, I’m the only one working.. It’s tough. I have to work many overnights and sleep about three to four hours a night max so I’m usually tired during the day and any breaks I have I try to get a short nap or rest up. 

How are you doing? Respond to this post or send us a message. I hope everyone is doing well. I’m certainly doing my best to not get sick - COVID19 or the cold or any other illness I can get at this point. Remember to take VitC and get plenty of fluids. 

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

What does it mean if a guy calls you my love? You guys are good friend's he only says it to you.

How is your relationship? Is your friendship usually pretty flirty? These things need context. A lot of context. If you take context out of it, you can misinterpret it. What happened when he calls you that? Has he always call you that? I have a friend that I’m pretty flirty with. That’s the nature of our relationship. We dated for 24 hours because I didn't want to graduate college without having dated one person. He and I regularly call each other my love, my boyfriend/my girlfriend. I introduced myself to his current girlfriend as his fake girlfriend and we all have a good laugh about it. That’s just how our relationship is. We have really good chemistry but there is no romance between us so it became a habit for us to talk about each other in a very loving way. So if that’s the nature of your relationship, I would say it probably doesn’t mean much. If this seems like his personality, then maybe it doesn’t mean much. However, if it seems out of character. You can maybe ask him why he calls you that. If you think he may mean something more and you want it to be something more, perhaps drop subtle hints that you’re interpreting it as such. See how he responds to your actions. 

I know this doesn’t exactly give you an answer but we can’t always tell what someone does and what they mean. We can take the context we’re given and make our best guess but I think if you think he may mean something more then being a little flirty back may give you a clearer answer if he responds like so. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[sheisrecovering]

Recovery is a process of growth.

[anything-advice-blog]

I have been on 3 dates with this guy and we will soon be going out again soon. things have been going well so far. I can tell that he likes me and he said he wants a girlfriend. however for some reason i feel paranoid that things won't work out. I know it sounds stupid. him and i both work a lot but he has never said it was an issue. How do i stop assuming the worst and quit overthinking? also should i ask him if he thinks he will be too busy for a relationship?

You have to take a chance. You have to risk things not working out. You have to allow yourself to get hurt in order to feel something good. You’re going to have to accept that this feeling may be something that you’ll have to work through for a while through your relationship. I’ve had really bad experiences with people leaving me and not being good enough for people so I’ve felt the same way you do and in fact some days I still do. I've been with my boyfriend for over two years. We’ve been happy more than we’ve been unhappy. We want to marry each other. I was his first girlfriend 8 years ago and after our breakup we weren’t friends for 5 years before we got back together. Everyone tells me it’s fate but to me I feel like I’m the last mistake he’s supposed to make before finding his true love. You’re going to have a lot of doubts. Are you working too much? Are you spending enough time together? Are you spending too much time together? Are you ignoring some signs that you shouldn’t ignore? These are questions you’ll learn to answer. 

Honestly, when you start thinking of the worst, what has helped me a lot is that I keep reminding myself that even if I am a mistake in his life. I want to be his best mistake. I want to bring him a lot of happiness while we’re together and I want to help him become a better person and help myself as well. So while we’re together, I’m going to enjoy every day. I’m going to have fun together every day. This mentality has helped me a lot on days where my brain keeps telling me that I’m not worth it. As for being busy, if it’s important to him he’s going to make time for you. That’s just how it is in life. He can’t guarantee that he will be able to be there for every anniversary but he will make an effort and that will count for more than anything else he can do for you. 

So it’s up to you. I would say if you feel like this may work out. Take a chance. This may be your greatest love or your greastest heartache. It may also be mediocre. Whatever it is, it’ll be worth the experience. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

What does it mean if a guy calls you my love and you guys are just friends and he doesn't say it to anyone else.

It could be that he’s flirtatious in nature and it means nothing beyond friendship. Some people tend to be very loving and if you’re of the opposite sex it may be a part of your relationship to flirt or have loving words with each other. So the question is has he been this flirty with you before? If it’s something that he says to you often, he may not mean much by it or he may not realise how much meaning those words hold. I’m usually very loving to one of my close friends. I call him my forever love, my true love, and greatest love and I’m by no means in love with him. He has professed his love to me on Facebook publicly and we are by no mean romantically interested in each other. It is just the nature of our relationship. 

So I would say to look at your own relationship and try to judge it from his past behavior. Does it seem out of character? If you’re interested in him romantically, you can try and give some subtle signs of being interested and see how he responds. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

What does it mean if someone is flattered that you wanted to hang out with them? Even though you guys are friends.

They’re grateful. I always tell my friends that I’m grateful they want to hang out or if they’re new I would say I’m flatter to let them know that it makes me happy that they want to hang out with me over other things in their lives. It may not mean much more than being grateful but it all depends on the context too.. 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

any advice for someone new to tumblr and trying to find a community (on here or elsewhere?) I've noticed certain areas of tumblr are like walking on eggshells, specifically the LGBTQ+ community and fandoms, which have really thrown me off.

Hey love, 

To tell you the truth, I’ve been so busy that outside of hopping on to answer a few questions when I have time I haven’t been around Tumblr. However, from past experiences, I would say follow several blogs that you think may interest you and form there you can weed out those that don’t exactly match. I didn’t realise that things have changed in the LGBTQ+ community since I left. It’ll take a while and you’ll probably end up following a bunch of blogs before you can find those that you like but give yourself that time. Follow a few blogs that you think posts contents that you enjoy. You may find that they don’t always post those contents that that they’re not a good fit but you may also find ones that you like. Once you follow a few, you’ll be given suggestions for similar blogs as well and through those you can find more! 

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

Someone shouldn’t rely on advice and wait over 2 years for a response. Don’t feel obligated to reply to something so old.

I’m going to try to answer as much as I can but I have a new computer and it won’t download xkit. That means it’ll take a long time to work through 800+ messages. 

-Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

The person I love will never care about me back and is with someone else, I can’t see the point of life without them; it’s been years and I can’t move on

that I didn't think anyone was going to ever be with me. This was 8 years ago. I didn't date for 5 years after that. I gave up. I gave up on love. I gave up on dating. Until I met my current boyfriend and I promise you I'm glad I waited. I'm glad I stuck around. I'm glad I allowed myself to love and to be loved. Because I am so happy right now, it physically hurts. I know that I can't guarantee that this relationship is forever but I know that because I was able to love again I can hope that you will also heal in time and love again.

People heal in different times. Don't rush your process. For now, lean on your friends. Allow yourself to date others or meet new friends. Do things that you want to do with your life. Work on improving yourself to live your best life. A new love will come along and they'll blow you away.

Always by your side,

Kelly

[anything-advice-blog]

Recently I’ve been feeling like nothing. I threw a party yesterday and no one showed up. I keep having this urge to just stop caring about myself. I keep finding myself wanting to drink and use drugs to help me stop feeling this way. Is it bad thing if do use those things to feel better? I just feel I going to alone my whole life.

Hey love, 

It is really hard to not do this when you're not feeling a 100%. I can hoesntly tell you that I have done this before. I have relied on alcohol and other drugs to make me feel better when I'm not feeling so great. However, it is undeniable that it is an unhealthy coping mechanism. I'm sorry that people didn't show up to your party. It sucks a lot to feel alone and it sucks even more when you put out the effort and no one is returning that effort. But don't give up. There are good people out there. There are people who will be your friends until you die. There are people who will stick up for you no matter what. There are people who will drivce to you at 2am because you called and said you were lonely. Those people exist. I'm sorry they're not in your life right now. Do you have an online community of friends? Sometimes those can be just as good. I have many online friends and I love them a lot. A lot of friends have also moved to a different continent as well so we are essentially just online friends now. Rely on those friends. Watch old disney movies. Go for a jog. Drink chocolate milk. Don't allow yourself to rely on drugs because you'll hurt yourself.

Always by your side,

Kelly